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1
00:00:00,901 --> 00:00:02,136
No, I've tried
that already.
2
00:00:02,203 --> 00:00:03,871
My Internet is not
responding at all.
3
00:00:03,937 --> 00:00:08,709
Oh, I should go to your web site
for online support?
4
00:00:08,776 --> 00:00:11,745
And, uh, do you suggest
I use a tin can and a string
5
00:00:11,812 --> 00:00:13,747
to connect to your web site?
6
00:00:15,183 --> 00:00:18,018
Yes, that's sarcasm.
7
00:00:18,986 --> 00:00:21,622
Yes, I'll hold.
8
00:00:21,689 --> 00:00:22,790
Matthew, just hang up.
9
00:00:22,856 --> 00:00:24,258
We don't need the Internet.
10
00:00:24,325 --> 00:00:28,229
And the only thing you use it
for is to Google yourself.
11
00:00:31,031 --> 00:00:32,866
Hey, pal, where are you going?
12
00:00:32,933 --> 00:00:35,436
Back to the wife and kids?
13
00:00:35,503 --> 00:00:37,538
Daddy's picking me up.
Is he here yet?
14
00:00:37,605 --> 00:00:38,972
Is he on his way?
Should I go wait outside?
15
00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:40,274
Ritchie, relax, okay?
16
00:00:40,341 --> 00:00:41,542
Daddy doesn't pick you up
till Friday.
17
00:00:41,609 --> 00:00:42,776
Yeah, but it's
only Tuesday.
18
00:00:42,843 --> 00:00:43,811
It's Thursday.
19
00:00:43,877 --> 00:00:45,446
It is?
Yeah.
20
00:00:45,513 --> 00:00:47,648
Wait, is it next Thursday
or last Thursday?
21
00:00:47,715 --> 00:00:51,085
I'm just lost
without my Internet.
22
00:00:53,087 --> 00:00:55,123
So I have to wait
until tomorrow?
23
00:00:55,189 --> 00:00:57,658
You know, sweetie,
when you say that,
24
00:00:57,725 --> 00:01:00,261
it kind of makes me feel
like you'd rather be with Daddy
25
00:01:00,328 --> 00:01:02,463
than be here with me.
26
00:01:05,065 --> 00:01:07,168
That's not true,
is it, sweetie?
27
00:01:07,235 --> 00:01:08,502
You like being with Mommy
28
00:01:08,569 --> 00:01:11,439
as much as you like being
with Daddy, right?
29
00:01:14,508 --> 00:01:17,077
Ouch.
30
00:01:17,145 --> 00:01:20,148
Oh, come on.
We have a great time here.
31
00:01:20,214 --> 00:01:21,782
In fact, this afternoon,
32
00:01:21,849 --> 00:01:24,818
how would you like
to go play mini golf?
33
00:01:24,885 --> 00:01:26,454
With Daddy?
34
00:01:27,621 --> 00:01:29,623
Ouch.
35
00:01:29,690 --> 00:01:31,159
No, with me.
36
00:01:31,225 --> 00:01:33,527
Sure. Can Daddy come?
37
00:01:34,695 --> 00:01:36,664
Ouch.
38
00:01:36,730 --> 00:01:38,999
No, it's gonna be
just you and me.
39
00:01:39,066 --> 00:01:42,170
Yeah, fun. Go get your jacket.
40
00:01:42,236 --> 00:01:43,504
Oh, wait a minute,
sweetheart.
41
00:01:43,571 --> 00:01:45,306
Have you finished your homework?
Most of it.
42
00:01:45,373 --> 00:01:46,640
Oh, well, before we go play,
43
00:01:46,707 --> 00:01:48,075
you need to finish
your homework and then
44
00:01:48,142 --> 00:01:49,109
we're gonna have
a lot of fun.
45
00:01:49,177 --> 00:01:50,611
Oh, wait, darling.
46
00:01:50,678 --> 00:01:52,813
Did you write that thank you
note to Grandma
47
00:01:52,880 --> 00:01:55,483
for that thing
that smells like Grandpa?
48
00:01:57,185 --> 00:01:58,319
Not yet.
49
00:01:58,386 --> 00:01:59,987
Okay, well, then
go finish your homework,
50
00:02:00,053 --> 00:02:02,190
write the the thank-you note,
and then we'll go play mini golf
51
00:02:02,256 --> 00:02:03,224
and have a lot of fun.
52
00:02:03,291 --> 00:02:04,258
Fine.
Okay.
53
00:02:04,325 --> 00:02:05,759
Oh, Ritchie, wait,
wait, wait.
54
00:02:05,826 --> 00:02:06,960
Um,
55
00:02:07,027 --> 00:02:08,529
You need to get
started building
56
00:02:08,596 --> 00:02:10,063
that California
mission project.
57
00:02:10,130 --> 00:02:11,098
It's due on Monday.
58
00:02:11,165 --> 00:02:12,366
Anything else?
59
00:02:12,433 --> 00:02:13,567
No, just finish
your homework,
60
00:02:13,634 --> 00:02:15,169
write that thank-you note
to Grandma,
61
00:02:15,236 --> 00:02:16,770
get started on
the mission project,
62
00:02:16,837 --> 00:02:19,740
and then we are gonna
have so much fun,
63
00:02:19,807 --> 00:02:22,510
I wouldn't be surprised
if the Fun Police came
64
00:02:22,576 --> 00:02:27,481
and put us in fun jail
and threw away the fun key.
65
00:02:28,549 --> 00:02:30,751
Will Daddy be in fun jail?
66
00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:33,654
Ouch.
67
00:02:41,829 --> 00:02:43,997
Okay, so, Ritchie,
go put your backpack away
68
00:02:44,064 --> 00:02:45,199
and I'll see you later,
okay, bud?
69
00:02:45,266 --> 00:02:46,267
Hey, Mom?
Yeah?
70
00:02:46,334 --> 00:02:47,735
Today's Friday, right?
71
00:02:47,801 --> 00:02:49,637
Yeah, Ritchie,
you just asked me that.
72
00:02:49,703 --> 00:02:51,572
Yay! Friday!
73
00:02:53,073 --> 00:02:54,442
What happens on Friday?
74
00:02:54,508 --> 00:02:57,345
Does the check come?
75
00:02:57,411 --> 00:02:59,112
No, he, uh,
he goes with his Dad.
76
00:02:59,179 --> 00:03:01,782
They go to the movies,
play laser tag, stay up late,
77
00:03:01,849 --> 00:03:05,253
and for some reason,
he really looks forward to it.
78
00:03:05,319 --> 00:03:06,487
And you're all alone?
79
00:03:06,554 --> 00:03:10,358
How do you fill that hole?
80
00:03:10,424 --> 00:03:13,261
There's no hole.
81
00:03:14,262 --> 00:03:16,497
Wine.
82
00:03:16,564 --> 00:03:18,532
So how's Ritchie's
mission project coming along?
83
00:03:18,599 --> 00:03:20,200
You know it's due on Monday.
84
00:03:20,268 --> 00:03:21,535
Yeah, I know.
It's coming along.
85
00:03:21,602 --> 00:03:23,804
He's gathering materials,
brainstorming.
86
00:03:23,871 --> 00:03:26,173
What, you mean, he hasn't
even started yet?
87
00:03:26,240 --> 00:03:28,309
Christine, it's
the mission project.
88
00:03:28,376 --> 00:03:30,678
Yeah, I know.
He's got two days.
89
00:03:30,744 --> 00:03:32,212
Oh, no.
90
00:03:33,981 --> 00:03:35,182
What?
91
00:03:35,249 --> 00:03:37,451
It's the most important
project of the year.
92
00:03:37,518 --> 00:03:38,852
The mission model
is the culmination
93
00:03:38,919 --> 00:03:40,721
of the whole semester
on California history.
94
00:03:40,788 --> 00:03:42,590
I mean, if your child's
a subpar, well,
95
00:03:42,656 --> 00:03:46,427
that'll haunt him for
the rest of his school career.
96
00:03:46,494 --> 00:03:49,029
Come on. It's fourth grade.
97
00:03:49,096 --> 00:03:50,464
When I was in fourth grade,
98
00:03:50,531 --> 00:03:53,301
I was still making retainers
out of paper clips
99
00:03:53,367 --> 00:03:56,337
and practicing kissing
my pillow.
100
00:03:56,404 --> 00:03:57,705
Well, I'm sure
that pillow still gets
101
00:03:57,771 --> 00:04:00,974
a lot of attention,
Christine.
102
00:04:01,041 --> 00:04:03,243
Look, you're at a top
Los Angeles private school.
103
00:04:03,311 --> 00:04:04,612
Everyone of these
kid is competing
104
00:04:04,678 --> 00:04:06,914
for the same few spots
at the top high schools.
105
00:04:06,980 --> 00:04:07,948
High school?
Yeah.
106
00:04:08,015 --> 00:04:09,283
Where they'll be competing
107
00:04:09,350 --> 00:04:11,118
for the same few spots
at the top colleges.
108
00:04:11,184 --> 00:04:12,353
College?
109
00:04:12,420 --> 00:04:14,722
You're thinking
about college already?
110
00:04:14,788 --> 00:04:18,292
I still bite his tushie
when he gets out of the shower.
111
00:04:19,727 --> 00:04:21,462
Should we tell her
about you-know-who?
No.
112
00:04:21,529 --> 00:04:23,063
Who's you-know-who?
113
00:04:23,130 --> 00:04:24,932
Ugh, fine. Eh.
114
00:04:29,102 --> 00:04:30,404
We have a mission guy.
115
00:04:30,471 --> 00:04:31,972
Seth, he works
at the crafts store.
116
00:04:32,039 --> 00:04:33,874
For the right price,
he'll build your kid's mission.
117
00:04:33,941 --> 00:04:37,478
Guaranteed "A"
or your money back.
118
00:04:37,545 --> 00:04:40,648
Are you kidding me?
That's unethical.
119
00:04:40,714 --> 00:04:43,351
Shouldn't the kids
do their own work?
120
00:04:43,417 --> 00:04:45,052
That's sort of a lazy
approach to parenting,
121
00:04:45,118 --> 00:04:46,854
isn't it, Christine?
122
00:04:53,327 --> 00:04:55,396
Are you still on hold?
123
00:04:55,463 --> 00:04:57,030
Yeah, yeah,
but it's getting better.
124
00:04:57,097 --> 00:04:59,433
I went through a three-hour
block of jazzy standards,
125
00:04:59,500 --> 00:05:03,103
but now we're into
The Best of Bread.
126
00:05:03,170 --> 00:05:04,572
Uh, what's all
that stuff?
127
00:05:04,638 --> 00:05:06,540
It's art supplies
for Ritchie's mission project.
128
00:05:06,607 --> 00:05:08,008
It's due on Monday,
129
00:05:08,075 --> 00:05:09,643
which means they're gonna
have to work on it
130
00:05:09,710 --> 00:05:11,479
all weekend long at Richard's.
131
00:05:11,545 --> 00:05:15,282
That means no movies,
no laser tag, no fun.
132
00:05:15,349 --> 00:05:18,285
(chuckles smugly)
133
00:05:18,352 --> 00:05:19,987
You're a nice person.
134
00:05:20,053 --> 00:05:21,589
Come on.
135
00:05:21,655 --> 00:05:24,492
I'm tired of always having
to be the responsible parent.
136
00:05:24,558 --> 00:05:27,327
Oh, here's my razor.
137
00:05:30,063 --> 00:05:31,499
Why don't you just hang up?
138
00:05:31,565 --> 00:05:33,300
You know, I think I will.
To hell with this, huh?
139
00:05:33,367 --> 00:05:34,902
Right.
140
00:05:34,968 --> 00:05:36,003
Ooh, Christopher Cross,
141
00:05:36,069 --> 00:05:38,038
"Arthur's Theme."
142
00:05:38,105 --> 00:05:41,575
God, I wish I had someone
to make love to right now.
143
00:05:42,175 --> 00:05:43,511
Hi.
144
00:05:45,379 --> 00:05:48,382
I hope that wasn't
my last wish.
145
00:05:48,449 --> 00:05:49,883
Is Ritchie ready yet?
146
00:05:49,950 --> 00:05:52,620
Yeah. You guys know what you're
doing this weekend, right?
147
00:05:52,686 --> 00:05:55,823
Yeah. I'm taking him
to the USC game. He loves it.
148
00:05:55,889 --> 00:05:58,792
Well, he loves peeing
in that trough.
149
00:05:58,859 --> 00:06:00,528
And then we're going
to the science museum.
150
00:06:00,594 --> 00:06:03,531
He loves peeing there, too.
151
00:06:03,597 --> 00:06:07,367
Sorry to have to ruin
all that urinary fun,
152
00:06:07,435 --> 00:06:09,737
but Ritchie's mission project
is due on Monday
153
00:06:09,803 --> 00:06:11,405
and he hasn't even
started it yet.
154
00:06:11,472 --> 00:06:13,006
That's okay.
155
00:06:13,073 --> 00:06:15,342
He can do it here when I bring
him back Sunday night.
156
00:06:15,409 --> 00:06:18,211
I mean, this is
the homework house.
157
00:06:18,278 --> 00:06:19,580
No, no, no.
It's too late.
158
00:06:19,647 --> 00:06:20,914
I don't wanna be
the homework house.
159
00:06:20,981 --> 00:06:23,350
This weekend, you get to be
the homework house.
160
00:06:23,417 --> 00:06:24,418
Can't happen.
161
00:06:24,485 --> 00:06:26,019
A) I live in an apartment,
162
00:06:26,086 --> 00:06:29,590
and B) I'm naturally fun.
163
00:06:29,657 --> 00:06:30,924
Richard, this is important.
164
00:06:30,991 --> 00:06:33,594
Christine, come on.
It's fourth grade.
165
00:06:33,661 --> 00:06:36,229
Richard, this is
private school, okay?
166
00:06:36,296 --> 00:06:37,598
It's very competitive.
167
00:06:37,665 --> 00:06:39,166
If he doesn't do well
on this project,
168
00:06:39,232 --> 00:06:40,634
he could wind up
at some...
169
00:06:40,701 --> 00:06:43,136
two-year junior college
in Nevada.
170
00:06:43,203 --> 00:06:46,974
I went to a two-year
junior college in Nevada.
171
00:06:47,040 --> 00:06:49,242
Oh, I see what
you're doing.
172
00:06:49,309 --> 00:06:50,377
Okay, we'll do
the project.
173
00:06:50,444 --> 00:06:51,712
Okay, thank you very much.
Alright.
174
00:06:51,779 --> 00:06:53,280
I'm gonna check and see
if Ritchie's ready.
175
00:06:53,346 --> 00:06:55,382
Hey, Ritchie?
Your dad...
176
00:06:55,449 --> 00:06:57,017
Bye, Mom.
177
00:07:01,154 --> 00:07:03,591
I-I love you, honey.
178
00:07:04,992 --> 00:07:06,193
No, darling, no.
179
00:07:06,259 --> 00:07:10,864
You have to stay at Daddy's
the whole weekend.
180
00:07:10,931 --> 00:07:12,933
(horn honking)
181
00:07:15,068 --> 00:07:16,470
He'll be fine.
182
00:07:16,537 --> 00:07:18,806
(horn continues honking)
183
00:07:21,308 --> 00:07:23,443
(music playing over phone)
184
00:07:28,516 --> 00:07:31,118
WOMAN:
Thank you for your patience.
Can I help you?
185
00:07:31,184 --> 00:07:32,152
Oh.
186
00:07:32,219 --> 00:07:33,521
Hello?
187
00:07:33,587 --> 00:07:36,590
Uh, Matthew!
188
00:07:36,657 --> 00:07:40,728
Your, uh... your-your friend
is on the phone.
189
00:07:40,794 --> 00:07:43,897
Don't, don't hang up!
Don't hang up! I'm coming.
190
00:07:43,964 --> 00:07:46,433
Hello.
Yes, hi. I'm here.
191
00:07:46,500 --> 00:07:47,801
Oh, thank God.
192
00:07:47,868 --> 00:07:50,838
Oh, I've just been
on hold forever.
193
00:07:52,606 --> 00:07:55,142
No, no, that's not a criticism.
194
00:07:57,377 --> 00:07:59,146
Yes, I'll hold.
195
00:08:00,514 --> 00:08:02,616
Hey, hey, check this out.
196
00:08:02,683 --> 00:08:04,918
(fishing reel whirring,
water splashes)
197
00:08:04,985 --> 00:08:06,920
(laughs)
198
00:08:07,921 --> 00:08:10,524
I don't know what this is.
199
00:08:10,591 --> 00:08:13,060
This is a bass fishing
video game.
200
00:08:13,126 --> 00:08:14,327
I got it for Ritchie.
201
00:08:14,394 --> 00:08:17,130
Richard's not the only one
who knows how to have
202
00:08:17,197 --> 00:08:18,265
fun.
203
00:08:18,331 --> 00:08:19,600
Whoo, whoo.
204
00:08:19,667 --> 00:08:21,234
He might be.
205
00:08:22,202 --> 00:08:23,503
Oh, come on.
206
00:08:23,571 --> 00:08:26,006
Bass fishing is, like, the
biggest sport in the country
207
00:08:26,073 --> 00:08:27,074
next to NASCAR.
208
00:08:27,140 --> 00:08:28,642
It's a good thing
you didn't get him
209
00:08:28,709 --> 00:08:30,944
one of those race-car games.
Kids hate that.
210
00:08:31,011 --> 00:08:34,281
I just want him to be excited
about coming back here
211
00:08:34,347 --> 00:08:35,749
after being with Richard.
212
00:08:35,816 --> 00:08:37,785
I don't want this to be
the homework house all the time.
213
00:08:37,851 --> 00:08:40,187
Ooh, "Islands in the Stream."
214
00:08:40,253 --> 00:08:43,123
I sing the hell out of this.
215
00:08:43,190 --> 00:08:46,994
Well, sing it outside.
You're gonna scare the fish.
216
00:08:51,732 --> 00:08:53,734
Hey.
Oh, hi.
217
00:08:53,801 --> 00:08:56,804
Did you have a nice weekend?
218
00:08:56,870 --> 00:08:59,940
Great.
The Trojans crushed UCLA.
219
00:09:00,007 --> 00:09:02,976
And Ritchie dropped the giant
foam finger in the trough.
220
00:09:04,311 --> 00:09:06,046
I decided
to throw it out.
221
00:09:06,113 --> 00:09:07,347
Good idea.
222
00:09:07,414 --> 00:09:10,718
I still have that pee finger
from the Dodger game.
223
00:09:10,784 --> 00:09:12,820
So you still made it
to the game.
Yeah.
224
00:09:12,886 --> 00:09:14,554
How'd it go with the mission?
225
00:09:14,622 --> 00:09:16,156
The California mission.
226
00:09:17,524 --> 00:09:20,160
Ritchie's school project.
227
00:09:20,227 --> 00:09:21,962
The one that's due tomorrow.
228
00:09:22,029 --> 00:09:25,933
Oh, shoot!
Oh, no! No.
229
00:09:25,999 --> 00:09:27,467
Christine,
I'm really sorry.
230
00:09:27,534 --> 00:09:29,102
Oh, I knew it.
231
00:09:29,169 --> 00:09:31,204
Oh, we just were
having so much fun,
232
00:09:31,271 --> 00:09:32,640
I totally forgot.
233
00:09:32,706 --> 00:09:33,874
Which is exactly why
I couldn't hack it
234
00:09:33,941 --> 00:09:36,543
in junior college,
by the way.
235
00:09:36,610 --> 00:09:38,812
Richard,
this is not a joke, okay?
236
00:09:38,879 --> 00:09:40,848
I told you
how important this is.
237
00:09:40,914 --> 00:09:43,416
And the worst part is it's not
you who's gonna suffer,
238
00:09:43,483 --> 00:09:44,718
it's your son.
239
00:09:44,785 --> 00:09:47,621
It's due tomorrow,
and it's almost bedtime.
240
00:09:47,688 --> 00:09:50,023
Maybe he could turn it in
a day late.
241
00:09:50,090 --> 00:09:52,660
And what kind of lesson
does that teach him exactly?
242
00:09:52,726 --> 00:09:54,527
A due date is a due date.
243
00:09:54,594 --> 00:09:56,096
I mean, you have a job.
244
00:09:56,163 --> 00:09:58,265
What happens if you show up
to work a day late
245
00:09:58,331 --> 00:10:01,568
or you don't finish something
that you promised to?
246
00:10:01,635 --> 00:10:03,671
I'm a contractor.
247
00:10:09,142 --> 00:10:12,212
Alright, that's a bad example.
What can I do?
248
00:10:12,279 --> 00:10:14,748
Nothing. We're just gonna
have to build it tonight.
249
00:10:14,815 --> 00:10:16,616
Tonight?
He's exhausted.
250
00:10:16,684 --> 00:10:19,386
Yes, and I'm exhausted, too.
251
00:10:19,452 --> 00:10:23,891
I just reeled in a 40-pound
bass this afternoon.
252
00:10:23,957 --> 00:10:25,358
But we're gonna have
to do it anyway,
253
00:10:25,425 --> 00:10:28,996
because that's what we do
at the homework house.
254
00:10:29,062 --> 00:10:32,632
Oh, I just hate being
the homework house.
255
00:10:32,700 --> 00:10:36,003
Boy, I feel partly
responsible for this.
256
00:10:38,271 --> 00:10:41,842
You're entirely responsible
for this.
257
00:10:43,076 --> 00:10:47,314
Yeah, so, what?
Do you want me to stick around?
258
00:10:47,380 --> 00:10:48,415
That would be nice.
259
00:10:48,481 --> 00:10:51,351
So... yes?
260
00:10:51,418 --> 00:10:52,419
Please.
261
00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:53,620
Because I will, if...
262
00:10:53,687 --> 00:10:55,422
Alright, just go.
263
00:10:55,488 --> 00:10:56,724
I feel so bad.
It sounds like
a lot of work...
264
00:10:56,790 --> 00:10:59,693
Just go.
See you later.
265
00:11:07,234 --> 00:11:09,269
Sweetie.
266
00:11:09,336 --> 00:11:11,304
Is it Friday?
267
00:11:12,873 --> 00:11:14,174
No, honey, it's Sunday.
268
00:11:14,241 --> 00:11:16,109
And you have to do
your homework.
269
00:11:16,176 --> 00:11:16,977
I'm tired.
270
00:11:17,044 --> 00:11:18,645
I know, darling,
but you've known
271
00:11:18,712 --> 00:11:20,313
about this project
for weeks.
272
00:11:20,380 --> 00:11:21,915
You're no fun.
273
00:11:23,283 --> 00:11:25,652
Well, it's not my job
to be fun.
274
00:11:25,719 --> 00:11:28,321
Well, then you're
good at your job.
275
00:11:30,623 --> 00:11:32,125
Ouch.
276
00:11:37,064 --> 00:11:39,199
(whispering):
Matthew, are you up?
277
00:11:39,266 --> 00:11:41,668
(whispering loudly):
Matthew!
278
00:11:41,735 --> 00:11:43,737
What is it? Is it
tech support?
Are they here?
279
00:11:43,804 --> 00:11:45,338
(music playing on phone)
What? No.
280
00:11:45,405 --> 00:11:47,007
I need your help.
281
00:11:47,074 --> 00:11:49,309
Look at Ritchie's mission.
282
00:11:49,376 --> 00:11:51,611
Maybe he'll marry well.
283
00:11:51,678 --> 00:11:55,448
That does not run
in our family.
284
00:11:55,515 --> 00:11:57,751
I swore I wouldn't be one
of those parents
285
00:11:57,818 --> 00:11:58,986
who did their kid's work
for them,
286
00:11:59,052 --> 00:12:00,420
but, I mean, look at this thing.
287
00:12:00,487 --> 00:12:03,323
We got to build Ritchie
a mission. Come on.
288
00:12:03,390 --> 00:12:05,692
(hold music stops)
289
00:12:05,759 --> 00:12:07,460
(music resumes)
290
00:12:07,527 --> 00:12:09,029
Ooh, that was scary.
291
00:12:09,096 --> 00:12:10,563
I've been waiting for so long,
but when it looked like
292
00:12:10,630 --> 00:12:13,733
it was actually happening
I realized I wasn't ready.
293
00:12:13,801 --> 00:12:17,004
Same thing happened to me
on prom night with Allan Rice.
294
00:12:17,070 --> 00:12:18,571
You know, you don't have
to tell me everything.
295
00:12:18,638 --> 00:12:21,975
Worked my boobs like he was
making a pizza crust.
296
00:12:22,042 --> 00:12:24,277
That's not everything.
297
00:12:27,647 --> 00:12:30,050
(music continues playing
on phone)
298
00:12:32,685 --> 00:12:34,287
Okay, what do we know
about missions?
299
00:12:34,354 --> 00:12:36,623
Well, we know they
don't look like tepees.
300
00:12:36,689 --> 00:12:39,793
Right. And we know there's a
bell on the outside
301
00:12:39,860 --> 00:12:41,829
of the Mission
tortilla chips bag.
302
00:12:41,895 --> 00:12:43,096
What else?
303
00:12:43,163 --> 00:12:45,665
Uh, sometimes a recipe
for guacamole.
304
00:12:45,732 --> 00:12:48,168
Come on, didn't Mom and Dad
take us to a mission once?
305
00:12:48,235 --> 00:12:50,670
Well, we went to the Alamo,
I think that's a mission.
306
00:12:50,737 --> 00:12:51,738
So what was that like?
307
00:12:51,805 --> 00:12:53,440
Oh, I don't remember.
308
00:12:53,506 --> 00:12:55,342
Hey, I don't remember the Alamo.
309
00:12:55,408 --> 00:12:57,044
(snorts, laughs)
310
00:12:57,110 --> 00:12:58,879
Come on, focus.
Focus.
311
00:12:58,946 --> 00:13:00,013
(clears throat)
This is important.
312
00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:02,215
This is Ritchie's education.
313
00:13:03,917 --> 00:13:06,219
I'm gonna make
some guacamole.
314
00:13:08,488 --> 00:13:11,424
(music continues on phone)
315
00:13:11,491 --> 00:13:12,692
Mission...
316
00:13:12,759 --> 00:13:14,027
Missionary...
317
00:13:14,094 --> 00:13:15,728
Ooh, missionary
position.
318
00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:17,430
Does that do anything for us?
319
00:13:17,497 --> 00:13:19,432
Never did anything for me.
320
00:13:20,567 --> 00:13:22,502
Really, knock it off.
321
00:13:22,569 --> 00:13:24,004
Alright, you know what?
322
00:13:24,071 --> 00:13:27,107
I hate to do this,
but we need help.
323
00:13:29,877 --> 00:13:32,745
Charles?
I'm sorry about before.
324
00:13:32,812 --> 00:13:36,049
I didn't mean to yell at you.
I was just frustrated.
325
00:13:36,116 --> 00:13:40,720
Just come back to bed
and we'll try it again.
326
00:13:40,787 --> 00:13:42,555
Charles?
327
00:13:42,622 --> 00:13:45,292
(phone rings)
328
00:13:45,358 --> 00:13:46,326
Hello?
329
00:13:46,393 --> 00:13:47,861
Hi, um, Marly?
330
00:13:47,928 --> 00:13:49,562
Uh, hi,
this is Christine Campbell.
331
00:13:49,629 --> 00:13:51,064
I'm so sorry to call you
so late,
332
00:13:51,131 --> 00:13:53,833
but I really need the name
of your mission guy.
333
00:13:53,901 --> 00:13:55,702
I thought you said
it was unethical.
334
00:13:55,768 --> 00:13:57,570
What do I know about ethics?
335
00:13:57,637 --> 00:14:02,175
On prom night, I let Allan Rice
plow me like a Iowa cornfield.
336
00:14:04,611 --> 00:14:05,712
Seriously!
337
00:14:05,778 --> 00:14:08,681
It's true.
338
00:14:08,748 --> 00:14:10,617
Anyway, do you have that number?
339
00:14:10,683 --> 00:14:12,019
Well, Christine, it's too late.
340
00:14:12,085 --> 00:14:14,421
The mission guy needs
a four-day turnaround.
341
00:14:14,487 --> 00:14:16,423
Now I'm on the phone.
342
00:14:19,259 --> 00:14:21,394
What?
No, n-n-n-no, not you. Him.
343
00:14:21,461 --> 00:14:23,363
Just keep talking to me.
344
00:14:25,232 --> 00:14:27,700
Uh, well, well, that was it,
I guess.
345
00:14:27,767 --> 00:14:29,102
Um, sorry to bother you.
346
00:14:29,169 --> 00:14:32,572
I-I'll see you
at school tomorrow. Bye. Ugh.
347
00:14:33,673 --> 00:14:36,843
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
348
00:14:36,910 --> 00:14:38,178
No, no, I can talk.
349
00:14:38,245 --> 00:14:40,413
(whispers):
I'm sorry.
350
00:14:40,480 --> 00:14:41,714
Yeah, uh-huh.
351
00:14:41,781 --> 00:14:43,716
No mission guy.
So what do we do?
352
00:14:43,783 --> 00:14:46,886
We're gonna have to buckle
down and do this ourselves.
353
00:14:46,954 --> 00:14:50,090
It's for
Ritchie's education.
354
00:14:51,658 --> 00:14:53,593
Do you feel
like a margarita?
355
00:14:53,660 --> 00:14:54,995
Yeah.
356
00:14:57,998 --> 00:15:00,733
(music continues on phone)
357
00:15:00,800 --> 00:15:05,405
Okay, so if you had to do it
with one of Mom's friends,
358
00:15:05,472 --> 00:15:06,239
who would it be?
359
00:15:06,306 --> 00:15:07,740
That's easy. Mrs. O'Hara.
360
00:15:07,807 --> 00:15:09,842
Wha-- ha! You're kidding me.
No.
361
00:15:09,909 --> 00:15:13,280
She was sweet and she had
this really pretty voice,
362
00:15:13,346 --> 00:15:16,149
and her house always smelled
like cinnamon.
363
00:15:16,216 --> 00:15:18,618
Oh... that's so nice.
364
00:15:18,685 --> 00:15:20,653
Plus, she had giant boobs.
365
00:15:20,720 --> 00:15:23,490
Oh, you're disgusting.
366
00:15:23,556 --> 00:15:24,624
I'm disgusting?
367
00:15:24,691 --> 00:15:26,093
I could write a book
about the many ways
368
00:15:26,159 --> 00:15:28,195
Allan Rice violated you
on prom night.
369
00:15:28,261 --> 00:15:30,998
Yeah, I have photos
for that book, too.
370
00:15:35,668 --> 00:15:36,903
You know what sucks?
371
00:15:36,970 --> 00:15:38,271
This mission.
372
00:15:38,338 --> 00:15:40,140
The fact that you're up
at 3:00 in the morning
373
00:15:40,207 --> 00:15:42,075
panicking about a fourth grade
school project.
374
00:15:42,142 --> 00:15:43,977
You're doing exactly
what you said you wouldn't.
375
00:15:44,044 --> 00:15:46,413
I know, but Marly and Lindsay
are right, okay?
376
00:15:46,479 --> 00:15:48,515
Private school
is very competitive.
377
00:15:48,581 --> 00:15:51,118
I mean, if Ritchie was
at his old school,
378
00:15:51,184 --> 00:15:52,752
he could have just turned
in that tepee,
379
00:15:52,819 --> 00:15:54,454
they'd make him
a teacher.
380
00:15:54,521 --> 00:15:55,888
(sighs)
381
00:15:55,955 --> 00:15:58,325
I mean, I just-- I want him
to get into a good high school
382
00:15:58,391 --> 00:16:01,661
and get into a good college
and be really successful.
383
00:16:01,728 --> 00:16:04,797
Really? Since when did you care
about all that?
384
00:16:04,864 --> 00:16:07,367
I don't.
385
00:16:07,434 --> 00:16:09,769
I just want him to like me.
386
00:16:09,836 --> 00:16:11,538
What?
387
00:16:11,604 --> 00:16:13,406
I want him to like me.
388
00:16:13,473 --> 00:16:14,574
Aw.
389
00:16:14,641 --> 00:16:15,775
More than Richard.
390
00:16:15,842 --> 00:16:17,677
(groaning):
Oh...
391
00:16:17,744 --> 00:16:19,079
Don't judge me.
392
00:16:19,146 --> 00:16:20,880
Parenting is not a
popularity contest.
393
00:16:20,947 --> 00:16:23,450
Yes, it is,
and I am losing.
394
00:16:23,516 --> 00:16:25,352
You're not a parent,
you don't know.
395
00:16:25,418 --> 00:16:29,256
Plus, I think it's very brave
of me to admit my true feelings.
396
00:16:29,322 --> 00:16:30,790
Most people wouldn't.
397
00:16:30,857 --> 00:16:32,725
Most people shouldn't.
398
00:16:32,792 --> 00:16:35,928
MAN (over phone):
Hello, this is Sandeep
in tech support, can I help you?
399
00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:38,765
Hey!
400
00:16:38,831 --> 00:16:40,400
(dial tone)
401
00:16:42,369 --> 00:16:44,637
I might have pushed
the wrong button.
402
00:16:47,374 --> 00:16:48,508
Mm-hmm.
403
00:16:54,514 --> 00:16:58,318
(startled):
Oh. I'm still here.
404
00:16:58,385 --> 00:17:00,587
Mm-hmm.
405
00:17:00,653 --> 00:17:01,788
Uh-huh.
406
00:17:03,890 --> 00:17:07,060
Well, considering our only
research was a...
407
00:17:07,127 --> 00:17:10,897
bag of tortilla chips
and a bottle of tequila,
408
00:17:10,963 --> 00:17:13,666
I think it's fantastic.
409
00:17:16,069 --> 00:17:18,004
Good morning.
410
00:17:18,071 --> 00:17:19,739
He...
411
00:17:19,806 --> 00:17:21,108
What is that?
412
00:17:21,174 --> 00:17:23,743
It's a mission.
413
00:17:23,810 --> 00:17:26,146
What's that?
414
00:17:26,213 --> 00:17:28,115
A mission.
415
00:17:28,181 --> 00:17:29,582
Why do you have
a mission?
416
00:17:29,649 --> 00:17:32,519
I felt bad that I forgot
about Ritchie's project.
417
00:17:32,585 --> 00:17:35,088
You seemed really upset,
so I went home and built this.
418
00:17:35,155 --> 00:17:38,791
Well, first I had sex with New
Christine, and then I built it.
419
00:17:40,327 --> 00:17:41,928
Why do I need
the details?
420
00:17:41,994 --> 00:17:43,430
I don't know.
421
00:17:43,496 --> 00:17:46,999
Just had a good night,
and I wanted you to know.
422
00:17:47,066 --> 00:17:48,735
So now I've spent
72 hours on hold
423
00:17:48,801 --> 00:17:51,138
and seven hours building
this crappy mission.
424
00:17:51,204 --> 00:17:52,439
This is the worst weekend
425
00:17:52,505 --> 00:17:55,842
since I had to scratch
under Grandma's cast.
426
00:18:01,681 --> 00:18:03,783
God, Richard.
427
00:18:03,850 --> 00:18:05,152
What?
428
00:18:05,218 --> 00:18:06,486
I thought this would
make you happy.
429
00:18:06,553 --> 00:18:09,088
That you're doing
Ritchie's work for him?
430
00:18:09,156 --> 00:18:10,290
You did Ritchie's work for him.
431
00:18:10,357 --> 00:18:14,361
(scoffs):
I didn't do a good job.
432
00:18:14,427 --> 00:18:19,031
Real tile and
two bell towers.
433
00:18:19,098 --> 00:18:20,600
Damn it.
434
00:18:20,667 --> 00:18:22,302
What? Are you mad?
435
00:18:22,369 --> 00:18:24,103
No, I'm happy.
436
00:18:24,171 --> 00:18:26,873
Oh. It's hard for me
to tell anymore.
437
00:18:28,175 --> 00:18:29,409
Yes, I'm mad.
438
00:18:29,476 --> 00:18:31,444
Stupid.
439
00:18:31,511 --> 00:18:35,282
Now I'm picking up on it.
Why are you mad?
440
00:18:35,348 --> 00:18:37,884
Because, once again,
you've trumped me, Richard.
441
00:18:37,950 --> 00:18:40,187
I mean, your house is more fun,
442
00:18:40,253 --> 00:18:42,389
your weekends
are more entertaining,
443
00:18:42,455 --> 00:18:46,859
your mission doesn't...
reek of tequila.
444
00:18:48,895 --> 00:18:49,929
(sighs)
445
00:18:49,996 --> 00:18:53,065
What are you talking about?
446
00:18:53,132 --> 00:18:55,702
Friday is Ritchie's
favorite day,
447
00:18:55,768 --> 00:18:56,903
and I don't blame him.
448
00:18:56,969 --> 00:18:59,172
Because all week long,
I'm trying to get him
449
00:18:59,239 --> 00:19:00,907
to do his homework
and clean his room
450
00:19:00,973 --> 00:19:02,542
and write thank you notes.
451
00:19:02,609 --> 00:19:04,677
I mean, this
house is a drag.
452
00:19:04,744 --> 00:19:06,513
I even hate it here.
453
00:19:06,579 --> 00:19:08,047
Then he goes
to your house
454
00:19:08,114 --> 00:19:11,818
and it's all foam
fingers and urinals.
455
00:19:13,620 --> 00:19:14,521
(sighs)
456
00:19:14,587 --> 00:19:16,389
No wonder he
likes you better.
457
00:19:16,456 --> 00:19:18,591
Christine, you know what Ritchie
calls my house?
458
00:19:18,658 --> 00:19:20,727
What?
The fun house.
459
00:19:20,793 --> 00:19:24,364
Okay, Richard, you don't
understand the problem.
460
00:19:24,431 --> 00:19:26,032
And you know what he calls
your house?
What?
461
00:19:26,098 --> 00:19:27,434
Home.
462
00:19:28,935 --> 00:19:31,404
I have to make it fun
when I'm with him
463
00:19:31,471 --> 00:19:34,307
because I can't compete
with that.
464
00:19:34,374 --> 00:19:37,377
I'm a vacation,
and vacations are great,
465
00:19:37,444 --> 00:19:41,013
but after a while,
you can't wait to get home.
466
00:19:41,080 --> 00:19:44,050
(clicks tongue):
Oh... God.
467
00:19:44,116 --> 00:19:47,620
Richard, I'm...
I'm sorry.
468
00:19:47,687 --> 00:19:49,622
I had no idea.
469
00:19:52,992 --> 00:19:54,661
I'm actually winning.
470
00:19:57,997 --> 00:20:00,333
Hee-hee-hee-hee-hee.
471
00:20:00,400 --> 00:20:02,535
Yeah, you are.
472
00:20:02,602 --> 00:20:04,437
The only thing
that keeps me going
473
00:20:04,504 --> 00:20:05,738
is that
when Ritchie goes home,
474
00:20:05,805 --> 00:20:09,776
I have nearly constant sex
with New Christine.
475
00:20:09,842 --> 00:20:12,479
Okay, well, we
can call it a tie.
476
00:20:16,283 --> 00:20:17,617
Why couldn't I
bring Dad's mission?
477
00:20:17,684 --> 00:20:20,152
Because you need
to do your own work.
478
00:20:20,219 --> 00:20:21,621
But my mission stinks.
479
00:20:21,688 --> 00:20:22,755
Well...
480
00:20:22,822 --> 00:20:25,224
that's because you left it
till the last minute.
481
00:20:25,292 --> 00:20:27,159
I'm sorry, I know it's
a hard lesson to learn,
482
00:20:27,226 --> 00:20:30,530
but that's
what I'm here for.
483
00:20:30,597 --> 00:20:32,064
I'm gonna go find
a spot for it.
484
00:20:32,131 --> 00:20:33,433
Okay, bud.
485
00:20:33,500 --> 00:20:36,769
Hey, don't worry, Ritchie,
it's only fourth grade.
486
00:20:36,836 --> 00:20:40,239
And you might just get
another shot at it next year.
487
00:20:40,307 --> 00:20:41,774
Hello, Christine.
488
00:20:41,841 --> 00:20:43,109
(clears throat)
489
00:20:43,175 --> 00:20:44,944
What have you
got there?
490
00:20:47,079 --> 00:20:48,815
Oh.
Oh.
491
00:20:50,817 --> 00:20:52,485
Looks like a tepee.
492
00:20:52,552 --> 00:20:54,854
It's not a tepee.
It's a mission.
493
00:20:54,921 --> 00:20:56,456
And what was the
mission exactly,
494
00:20:56,523 --> 00:20:58,491
to keep him
out of college?
495
00:20:58,558 --> 00:20:59,759
Mission accomplished.
496
00:20:59,826 --> 00:21:01,761
Good luck to you.
497
00:21:04,364 --> 00:21:05,832
(exhales)
498
00:21:07,667 --> 00:21:09,302
These are really good.
499
00:21:09,369 --> 00:21:10,870
Yeah, they are.
500
00:21:10,937 --> 00:21:12,372
Hey, did I ever tell you
501
00:21:12,439 --> 00:21:14,874
that your daddy went to
a two-year college in Nevada?
502
00:21:14,941 --> 00:21:17,209
Can I go to a two-year college
in Nevada?
503
00:21:17,276 --> 00:21:19,712
I think you can count on it.
504
00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:22,281
Okay, let's go to school.
505
00:21:22,349 --> 00:21:24,283
Okay.
Yeah.
35481
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