All language subtitles for The.New.Adventures.of.Old.Christine.S02E08.Women.N.Tuition.720p.WEB-HD.x264-Pahe.ink_Subtítulos01.ENG

Hey, what's going on?

Nothing.

What's going on... over there?

Oh, I, uh, cut myself shaving.

Ah. Get a pretty thick beard
growing on your nose?

Fine. It's a pimple, okay?

Lots of guys my age get pimples.

Yeah, that's the
first sign your
body's changing.

Pretty soon
your private areas

are going to blossom
in wonderful ways.

Alright, alright.

Cat food?
We don't have a cat.

You know, just because
something's on special

doesn't mean you have to buy it.

No, it's for this stupid cat
who keeps showing up

at the patio door
expecting to be fed.

Well, putting cat food out
there should put a stop to that.

Is there any mail for me?

Uh, there's something
from eHarmony

to the single resident.

They're talking to you.
They're talking to you.

They're talking to you.
They're talking to you.

I'll take it.
I'll take it.

And, uh, here's your porn.

It's not porn,
it's a men's fitness magazine.

Oh, sorry, your gay porn.

Here's a package for you
from Mom.

(chuckles)
I hope it's not another photo
of her and Dad

from one of their trips.

Although that picture of them
on a burro in Ensenada

is pretty good.

That expression
on that donkey's face

really tells the whole story,
doesn't it?

Oh, my God.
What is that?

It's this tape I made
for my senior project

in Mrs. Fitzgerald's class.

Everybody had to make a video
letter to themselves

saying where we hoped to be
in ten years.

Oh, yeah, I remember that.

You wanted to be married
to Winona Ryder.

(chuckles)
How are you two doing?

I'm doing fine.

Oh, shoot.

(scoffs)

They're raising tuition
at Ritchie's school again.

I can't afford another increase.

God, it's really slow
at the gym right now.

I think fat's coming back.

What am I going to do?

Don't look at me.

I can barely cover
my nut as it is.

I asked you not to use
that expression anymore

Well, at least this time
I'm talking about money.

You know, it seems like
every time you turn around,

that school's asking
for more cash.

I know, right? But I'm not going
to take Ritchie out of there.

He loves it, he's doing great.
He's really come into his own.

Mom.
Yeah.

I finished my homework.

Oh, good.

Hey! Cat!

(grunts)

Well, at least this time,
he knew it was a cat.

Honey, are you okay?

There is no way
I'm going to find

another $250 a month in here
for Ritchie's tuition.

I mean, I can barely
cover my nut as it is.

Cover your nut?

That's nasty.

I know, I know.

I used to hate it,
but now I kind of love it.

Come on, Barb,
look at this, okay?

Help me-- I need to find
some money in there.

You spent $1,500 on crack?

That's an abbreviation
for crackers.

You spent $1,500 on crackers?

Well... (clears throat)

wine also falls
under the cracker category.

Well, what is the thousand
dollars under "wine"?

That's my mortgage.

I just thought
that my wine budget

should be less than my mortgage.

You know, then people
wouldn't think I have a problem.

Why would anyone think
that you had a problem?

You know, I even took out
an equity line of credit

last month,
and that's all gone, too.

Where'd it go?
Necessities.

House, food, taxes, hair.

You know, a little more up here,
and a little less...

everywhere else.

You know, it adds up.

Plus this business
is relatively new.

I mean, it's doing well, but it
hasn't exactly taken off yet.

Look, let me help you.
Let me loan you the money.

No! I can't take money
from a friend.

Come on, I had
a pretty good year.

What? How?
You're not working.

You hang out here all day long.

I like it here.
It's quiet.

At my old gym, there were
always people working out.

Pete had a great year.
I'm married to Pete.

I cover Pete's nut,
he covers mine.

You know what?
Richard had a great year, too.

I'll just get the money
from him.

You can do that? Wh-What kind of
settlement do you guys have?

No settlement, just friendly,
you know.

Whenever one of us needs
something,

he just gives it to me.

(chuckles)

Okay, so you don't have to live
with him,

you don't have to have sex
with him,

but you can still
get money from him?

So what's the down side
to divorce?

Well, that's the one thing
nobody tells you.

There is no down side.

...because the world needs help
right now, you know?

I mean, you can't just sit back

and wait for other people
to make change.

Change starts with me.

So, here's what's going
to happen.

I got in my top four choices
of college.

I'll pick one, do awesome, go
right into med school,

probably Harvard.

Then after that...

...I'm going to travel around
the world healing people.

I am going to do a lot
of good work in poor villages

when my band, Powergrid,
isn't touring.

I am going to make a difference.

Me and Winona.

Change the world.

Say no to drugs.

Why didn't I say no to drugs?

(knocking)

Hey.

Hi. Sorry to bother you
but, um...

You're in your boxers.

Do you want me
to put pants on?

Nah.

So listen, I got this letter
from Westbridge today.

They're raising tuition again,
and I'm kind of strapped

right now, so can I get a check?

Christine, I've covered it
for the last few months.

It's your turn.

Oh, I know that, I know that,

but I've got nothing.

I mean, Barb and I
looked over my expenses,

and there's nowhere
to get it from.

Well, I'm not exactly living
the life here, either.

What do you want me to do?

Sell the cinderblock
bookcase or take back
the rented couch?

Come on, Richard--
we all have to make sacrifices.

There's got to be something.

I mean, what about that fancy
kelp volumizer you use?

I mean, isn't that
like 50 bucks a month?

I need that,
it's from Japan.

Have you ever seen
a bald Japanese man?

Yeah.

Really?

What about you?
Those shoes are pretty nice.

I've never seen
them before.

These are for Ritchie.

How?

Because nice shoes
make me happy,

and when Mommy's happy,
everyone's happy.

What if Daddy's
not happy?

Nobody gives a crap.

Come on, Richard--
it's for your son's education.

I can't do it alone.

You know what's being eaten
around my house?

Cat food.

You're not
eating cat food.

Then why did I buy it?

You know I help
out when I can,

but I'm telling you,
this time I don't have it.

Hey, sweetie.

Oh, Christine,
you stopped by... again.

Christine and I were
just talking about
some budget stuff.

Oh, well, you guys go ahead.

I just wanted to tell you
that I spoke to my mom,

and she can feed my fish
for the week we're on vacation,

so we're all set.

Well, I'll let you guys talk.

Maybe you should
put on some pants.

I suppose I could use volumizer
every other day.

It's already getting
pretty thick.

You're going on vacation?

You refuse to step up and pay
for your son's education,

but you're going on vacation?

It's only for a week,

and we've had it planned
for a long time,

and I've paid Ritchie's
tuition for the last
three months.

It's your turn.

(weepy):
Cat food, Richard.

And I'm not even talking
about the good stuff.

I'm just asking you
to behave responsibly

and help me out here, okay?

We have to work together
as a team.

(sighs)
Fine.

I'll cancel the vacation.

Thank you,
I really appreciate this.

I mean, there'll be
other vacations, but...

you only have one son.

Here you go.
Okay.

Thank you.

You helped me out here,
and, Richard...

You might want
to cover your nut.

Oh. You're still here.

Well, it was either me
or nobody,

and nobody didn't show up.

Hey, listen, can you stay here
just a little bit longer?

Because I've got to go to the
bank and then pick up Ritchie

and then drop him off
at the house.

No problem, I have to wait
for the phone guy, anyway.

Oh, no, no,
the phones don't work.

I'm thinking the phone guy
might be able to help with that.

Oh. Right. Yes, of course.

Good idea.
God, what's wrong with me?

All this high finance
has me a little fuzzy.

Okay, thanks.

I will be right back.

Oh, my bankbook!

And, uh, I got the door fixed.

So the reason
Christine came over

was because she
has a problem.

Wait a minute.
Christine had a problem?

And she came to you for help?

Yeah. She always does.

I know, that was sarcasm.

Oh. That was good.
You're getting better at that.

So what now?

I had to front her some money,

so now we're not going to be
able to go on vacation.

Well, now I have a problem.

Are you being sarcastic?

Yes, Richard,
I'm being sarcastic.

So... ?

Richard, I'm angry.

I knew it.

(scoffs)
She always does this to us.

Why does she think
she can come to you

every time she's in trouble?

We have an arrangement.

I help her out
when she needs something,

she helps me out
when I need something.

We're a team.

If you two are a team, what does
that make me, the mascot?

It's for Ritchie's school.

You've already paid your share
for Ritchie's school

and her share most of the time.

I think she's taking advantage
of your good nature.

She told me
she had to buy cat food.

She probably got a cat.

Oh. Why didn't I ask that?

Look, let her
figure it out for once.

I need to be alone with you.

I mean, her constant presence
in our lives,

the fact that she could just
stop by at any moment

and you'll drop everything
to do what she wants,

well, it's making me
feel really inhibited with you.

You know, emotionally...
and sexually.

You've been inhibited?

Haven't you noticed?

That's inhibited?

I feel like we could go
a lot further

if we were operating as a unit,
just the two of us.

A lot further?

How?

Do you have a secret compartment
I don't know about?

Because...

...I-I really feel like
I've covered everything.

(scoffs)
I want to break free.

I want to experience us
as a couple.

I'm still trying to figure out
in what ways

you could possibly
be less inhibited.

I mean, unless you kill me.

Take me away, and I'll show you.

I need this vacation, Richard,
and I need it now.

Give me the check,
give me the check,
give me the check.

You can't have your check back.

I already signed

the back of it and wrote a dirty
thing on the memo line.

Yeah, I appreciate
getting my checks back

with "For gay love"
in my bank statement.

Hey, did you see
that little picture that I drew?

Come on, I'm not kidding--
I need it.

I need it, too.

We've been through this--
it's for Ritchie.

No. You can't do that anymore.

You could take money
from somewhere else,

but you know if you tell me
it's for our kid,

I'm going to give it to you.

It is for Ritchie!

Richard, we are stretched
really tight around here.

I bought cat food.

And you're going
to eat that?

(scoffs)

It's right here.

Okay, you can keep
the check if you
take a bite of it.

Well, I'm pretty full.
I had a big can for lunch.

I mean, you know, with a salad.

One bite.

Fine.

(retching)

(spits)

Oh, God!

Okay, I got a cat.

God. And I'm still broke.

Well, I'm sorry, Whiskers.

I'm more than happy
to pay my share,

but you're gonna have
to pay your share, too.

Well, that's not how it works
between us.

Whoever has the money pays,
come on.

Don't you remember
when you needed that new truck

and I made the down payment?

We were married then.

You mean just because
we're not married,

we can't be a team?
That's right.

We're friends, we like each
other, we're supportive,

but I have a new team,

and she needs to go away and
experience us as a couple.

Do I know what that means?
No, I don't.

Am I a little scared?
Yes, I am.

But I need to do it.

Well, I mean, if you guys
are a team,

then who's on my team?

The cat.

Look, I'm in a really
tough spot here.

I'm trying to make
both of you happy.

(sighs)

Well, obviously, you've already
made your decision.

I'm sorry if I took advantage
of your...

Good nature?

I was going to say stupidity,
but okay.

Okay, goodbye.

I still need my check.

(groans)

Fine.

I don't need you on my team.
I got my own team.

Here, kitty, kitty,
kitty, kitty, kitty.

Kitty?

Come on. Kitty?

Kitty?

Kitty!

(groans)

(upbeat music playing)

(lowers volume)

Alright.

We're going to slow it down
a little for you now.

Although if I slow you down
anymore,

you're going to be
going backwards.

Here we go.
(changes to slow melody)

Hey, Barb, I'm so sorry to have
left you here all day.

What are all these
people doing here?

They're new members.

I poached them from the
donut shop next door.

I promised them ice cream.

(gasps):
Oh, we have ice cream?

No, dear.

So, how's it going?

(groans):
Terrible.

Richard completely
abandoned me.

He took his check back.
He quit the team.

There's no one to help me.

Really? No one?

You can't think of anyone
to help you?

Hey, I know I'm not
supposed to come to the gym

because the women say
I supposedly leer,

but I had just had
to tell you--

Wow, that's nice.

Matthew!

Oh. Sorry. Sorry.

I've got big news.

You know, I watched that tape,
and, uh, it was awful.

I don't even know
who that guy was.

I mean, what happened to me?
What happened to Powergrid?

We were so tight.

It's like,
now I'm living in a shed

behind my sister's house,

playing "Nintendogs"
with a nine year old all day.

I realized
it was time for a change.

So, guess what?

I'm going to medical school.

Richard took his check back.
He quit the team.

And the cat didn't come home
for lunch.

But I'm going to be okay.

I'm going to
medical school.

Are you still getting zits?

Okay, I'm going
to try this again.

I'm going to medical school!

Oh, Matthew, I'm so sorry.
Oh, that's great.

I'm really excited for you.

Yeah. Yeah. I made some calls.
My MCATs are still good.

I just have to take a couple
prerequisite classes.

We're going to have a doctor
on our team.

You get to be the team doctor.

Yeah, yeah, and I start
in a couple weeks,

so that gives you plenty of time

to find someone
to take care of Ritchie.

Wait, what?

Well, I'm not going
to be around as much,

so you'll probably need
to hire a nanny.

A nanny?

Now I have to add a nanny
to my nut?

I feel like my life
is finally beginning.

I feel like a man.

I'm going to be a doctor.

I'm okay.

(laughs softly)

What, were y'all
raised by birds?

Well, there goes
the last of my team.

But it's okay. I've been in
worse situations than this.

I mean, so I'm alone.
I've been alone before.

I was born alone.
I'm going to die alone.

Okay, enough.

It's starting to get insulting.
Look, I'm right here.

I've been offering to help you
all day.

Why can't I be on your team?

I told you.
I can't borrow from a friend.

You're wearing my earrings.

I can borrow earrings.

And is that my vest?

Oh, yeah. Uh...

I'll be able to get
this stain out.

I just think that money between
friends is a bad idea, okay?

You mean too much to me.
I'll figure something out.

Alright, well,
figure it out.

Oh!

(grunts)

Oh, you've got to be kidding me.

Christine? The hygienist said
you weren't doing so well.

(lisping):
I'm fine.
I chipped my tooth.

But it didn't damage the root,
so it's considered cosmetic.

(snickers)

It's not funny.

I'm sorry.

But I'll give you $30 if you say
"You're despicable."

Barb!

God...

(lisping):
You're despicable.

(laughing)

Oh, honey,
it's going to be okay.

How?

Well, I offered you
my money.

I'll take it.
What?

You can loan me the money.

No, I'm not going
to loan you the money.

Well, that was just mean.

(laughing)

No, I had a great day today.

For the first time in a long
time, I felt useful.

I liked being at the gym.

I folded towels,
I changed the water,

I filled the tampon machine.

I made a difference.

Really? That's a great day
for you?

I liked having something to do.

Look, so here's my idea.
What?

We don't call it a loan.
It's an investment. In the gym.

We could be partners.

Oh...

Partners?

I'm tired of Pete
covering my nut.

It'd be nice to cover
my own nut for a change.

Yeah.

We could cover
each other's nuts.

I'm feeling pretty
optimistic about this.

And I'll give you
an extra thousand

not to get that tooth fixed.

(laughing)

Here, kitty, kitty,
kitty, kitty.

(food rattling)

Come on, kitty.

I'm not going to stand here
all night.

Kitty?
(food rattling)

This is your last chance.

Come on, kitty.

Okay, I'm going in.

Goodnight, kitty.

(food rattling)

(cat meows)

(thud)