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1
00:00:03,771 --> 00:00:05,606
new philosophy?
2
00:00:05,673 --> 00:00:08,342
Of saying yes.
3
00:00:08,409 --> 00:00:11,379
Does that mean you
want me to...
4
00:00:11,445 --> 00:00:12,546
Yes.
5
00:00:14,282 --> 00:00:15,816
CHRISTINE:
And he's
6
00:00:15,883 --> 00:00:19,019
sincere and easygoing, and sexy,
I just really like him.
7
00:00:20,421 --> 00:00:22,156
Daddy?
8
00:00:26,160 --> 00:00:28,529
Christine.
9
00:00:28,596 --> 00:00:29,597
What?
10
00:00:29,663 --> 00:00:31,265
That's my date.
That's my father.
11
00:00:31,332 --> 00:00:33,167
You're father?
Your date?
12
00:00:34,735 --> 00:00:37,371
You got to be
freaking kidding me.
13
00:00:46,614 --> 00:00:48,216
(phone rings)
14
00:00:50,151 --> 00:00:51,719
Don't answer that.
15
00:00:51,785 --> 00:00:53,221
CHRISTINE (on machine):
Hi, we're not home right now.
16
00:00:53,287 --> 00:00:54,522
So leave a message
for Christine,
17
00:00:54,588 --> 00:00:55,989
RITCHIE (on machine):
Ritchie,
18
00:00:56,056 --> 00:00:57,291
CHRISTINE (on machine):
and... say it.
19
00:00:57,358 --> 00:00:58,792
MATTHEW (on machine):
Matthew.
20
00:00:58,859 --> 00:01:00,094
CHRISTINE (on machine):
Oh, come on.
(beep)
21
00:01:00,161 --> 00:01:01,995
Hi, Christine, this is Jeff.
22
00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:03,797
Haven't heard from you
since our date.
23
00:01:03,864 --> 00:01:05,166
Don't know if you got my message
24
00:01:05,233 --> 00:01:07,235
so I thought I'd leave
another one.
25
00:01:07,301 --> 00:01:09,403
I'm hoping that you didn't get
the first message,
26
00:01:09,470 --> 00:01:11,605
because now there'd be two
messages on your machine
27
00:01:11,672 --> 00:01:14,108
and that would make me look
not cool.
28
00:01:14,175 --> 00:01:17,345
And I think we both know
how cool I am.
29
00:01:17,411 --> 00:01:18,446
Bye.
30
00:01:18,512 --> 00:01:20,448
(beep)
Well, he sounds cool.
31
00:01:20,514 --> 00:01:21,849
Why aren't you
talking to him?
32
00:01:21,915 --> 00:01:22,783
I thought you
liked him.
33
00:01:22,850 --> 00:01:23,917
No, I do like him
34
00:01:23,984 --> 00:01:25,619
but he's new
Christine's dad.
35
00:01:25,686 --> 00:01:27,488
I mean we had a great first date
and everything
36
00:01:27,555 --> 00:01:29,257
but don't you think
that's weird?
37
00:01:29,323 --> 00:01:31,792
That he wants a second date
with you-- absolutely.
38
00:01:31,859 --> 00:01:33,361
Shut up.
39
00:01:33,427 --> 00:01:35,529
You'd marry me in a second.
40
00:01:35,596 --> 00:01:37,831
Besides, I'm too busy to date.
41
00:01:37,898 --> 00:01:39,700
Well, call me when you're free.
42
00:01:39,767 --> 00:01:41,169
What are you doing?
43
00:01:41,235 --> 00:01:43,637
I finally decided
to get my act together.
44
00:01:43,704 --> 00:01:45,339
Wait, this isn't
about your audition tape
45
00:01:45,406 --> 00:01:47,007
for So You Think You Can Dance.
46
00:01:47,074 --> 00:01:48,809
No, not that act.
47
00:01:48,876 --> 00:01:51,945
Ooh, although I did watch
that tape the other day
48
00:01:52,012 --> 00:01:54,014
and I don't think I can dance...
49
00:01:54,081 --> 00:01:57,185
I can dance.
50
00:01:57,251 --> 00:01:59,187
I have decided to
get organized.
51
00:01:59,253 --> 00:02:01,989
You know how I'm always writing
little reminders to myself
52
00:02:02,055 --> 00:02:03,857
on little scraps of paper,
53
00:02:03,924 --> 00:02:05,659
and then nothing
ever gets done?
54
00:02:05,726 --> 00:02:07,261
Well, from now on,
55
00:02:07,328 --> 00:02:09,830
everything I have to do
is going on this board.
56
00:02:09,897 --> 00:02:11,765
Come on, help me.
57
00:02:11,832 --> 00:02:13,534
This one has gum in it.
All right.
58
00:02:13,601 --> 00:02:15,169
Well, then skip it,
give me another one.
59
00:02:15,236 --> 00:02:18,105
"Get dry erase board."
60
00:02:18,172 --> 00:02:20,374
Huh.
61
00:02:20,441 --> 00:02:22,776
What do I do, should I write
it down then cross it out?
62
00:02:22,843 --> 00:02:24,077
God, I don't know.
63
00:02:24,144 --> 00:02:26,079
This has never
happened before.
64
00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:28,015
Okay, give me another one.
65
00:02:28,081 --> 00:02:30,251
What's a witch detective?
66
00:02:30,318 --> 00:02:32,386
Oh, that's my idea
for a TV show.
67
00:02:32,453 --> 00:02:35,155
Oh, that's really good.
Yeah.
68
00:02:35,223 --> 00:02:37,558
All right, um, oh, here.
69
00:02:37,625 --> 00:02:40,261
Grandparents' Day-- this Friday.
Write that down.
70
00:02:40,328 --> 00:02:42,029
What's Grandparents' Day?
71
00:02:42,095 --> 00:02:43,797
Oh, it's another way Ritchie's
school has of getting money.
72
00:02:43,864 --> 00:02:46,467
They invite all the grandparents
for a pancake breakfast,
73
00:02:46,534 --> 00:02:49,437
and try to get them to include
Westbridge into their wills.
74
00:02:49,503 --> 00:02:52,440
Wait... uh, Mom and Dad
are coming here this weekend?
75
00:02:52,506 --> 00:02:53,907
You can't just spring
this on me.
76
00:02:53,974 --> 00:02:55,376
I told them I was on sabbatical.
77
00:02:55,443 --> 00:02:57,345
Uh, where was I?
When did I get back?
78
00:02:57,411 --> 00:02:59,847
What the hell is a sabbatical?
79
00:02:59,913 --> 00:03:01,915
Relax, they're not coming
to see you.
80
00:03:01,982 --> 00:03:03,984
They're going straight
to school, say hi to Ritchie
81
00:03:04,051 --> 00:03:06,554
and be out of there
before their beers get warm.
82
00:03:08,389 --> 00:03:09,390
(phone rings)
83
00:03:09,457 --> 00:03:10,991
Don't answer that.
84
00:03:11,058 --> 00:03:12,493
CHRISTINE (on machine):
Hi, we're not home right now
85
00:03:12,560 --> 00:03:13,794
So leave a message
for Christine,
86
00:03:13,861 --> 00:03:15,263
RITCHIE: (on machine)
Ritchie,
87
00:03:15,329 --> 00:03:16,564
CHRISTINE (on machine):
and... say it.
88
00:03:16,630 --> 00:03:18,266
MATTHEW (on machine):
Matthew.
89
00:03:18,332 --> 00:03:20,033
CHRISTINE (on machine):
Oh, come on.
(beep)
90
00:03:20,100 --> 00:03:21,168
JEFF:
Hey, it's me, just thought
I'd true you again.
91
00:03:21,235 --> 00:03:23,003
(knocking on door)
92
00:03:23,070 --> 00:03:24,872
Get that, I'll wait.
93
00:03:28,809 --> 00:03:30,778
I'm at the door.
94
00:03:35,048 --> 00:03:37,351
She's coming.
95
00:03:38,686 --> 00:03:40,421
I didn't want to
just stop by,
96
00:03:40,488 --> 00:03:41,955
but it was either this
97
00:03:42,022 --> 00:03:43,691
or drop leaflets on
your lawn from a plane,
98
00:03:43,757 --> 00:03:46,460
so, here I am.
99
00:03:46,527 --> 00:03:48,729
I was going to
return your calls
100
00:03:48,796 --> 00:03:50,531
but I've been
super-duper busy.
101
00:03:50,598 --> 00:03:52,566
Yeah, since Witch
Detective took off,
102
00:03:52,633 --> 00:03:54,768
we hardly see her anymore.
103
00:03:56,970 --> 00:03:59,340
Get out.
104
00:03:59,407 --> 00:04:00,341
Come on in.
105
00:04:00,408 --> 00:04:01,609
What-what, um,
106
00:04:01,675 --> 00:04:03,477
What are you doing here?
107
00:04:03,544 --> 00:04:05,546
Well, I can't stop
thinking about our date.
108
00:04:05,613 --> 00:04:07,415
I thought it...
it was great.
109
00:04:07,481 --> 00:04:09,049
But then, when you
didn't call me back,
110
00:04:09,116 --> 00:04:10,784
I thought maybe
it wasn't great.
111
00:04:10,851 --> 00:04:12,720
And then I started thinking
about the other things
112
00:04:12,786 --> 00:04:15,923
I thought were great, and maybe
they weren't great either.
113
00:04:16,924 --> 00:04:18,492
I-Is baseball great?
114
00:04:18,559 --> 00:04:20,027
Is democracy great?
115
00:04:20,093 --> 00:04:23,631
I-I don't know anymore.
116
00:04:23,697 --> 00:04:25,566
No, it was;
it was a great date.
117
00:04:25,633 --> 00:04:27,501
So let's go on
another one.
118
00:04:27,568 --> 00:04:29,637
Oh, I don't know.
119
00:04:29,703 --> 00:04:33,273
You're my ex-husband's
girlfriend's father.
120
00:04:33,341 --> 00:04:36,009
I mean... isn't that
a little weird?
121
00:04:36,076 --> 00:04:37,911
Give it one more chance.
122
00:04:37,978 --> 00:04:38,979
One date.
123
00:04:39,046 --> 00:04:40,448
And if it's still weird,
124
00:04:40,514 --> 00:04:43,317
we'll just give it
one more chance.
125
00:04:43,384 --> 00:04:45,353
Oh, you're her father.
126
00:04:45,419 --> 00:04:46,754
But when I'm with you,
127
00:04:46,820 --> 00:04:48,055
I'm not thinking
about Old Christine.
128
00:04:48,121 --> 00:04:49,857
What-- who?
129
00:04:49,923 --> 00:04:51,024
Oh, sorry, it's just
130
00:04:51,091 --> 00:04:52,926
that I've known my
daughter longer, so
131
00:04:52,993 --> 00:04:54,562
I refer to you as
New Christine,
132
00:04:54,628 --> 00:04:56,830
which makes her
Old Christine.
133
00:04:56,897 --> 00:05:00,067
Well, one more date
wouldn't kill me.
134
00:05:05,138 --> 00:05:07,808
No. In fact, I think it was
better than our first date.
135
00:05:07,875 --> 00:05:09,577
Wonder what's going to
happen on our third date?
136
00:05:09,643 --> 00:05:11,178
Well, I'll give you
a little hint:
137
00:05:11,244 --> 00:05:13,814
If it's anything like
my previous third dates...
138
00:05:13,881 --> 00:05:17,685
you might want to work
on your home run trot.
139
00:05:23,757 --> 00:05:26,760
So you're still feeling
okay about everything?
140
00:05:26,827 --> 00:05:28,896
Yeah, you know, so what
if it's a little weird.
141
00:05:28,962 --> 00:05:30,364
Yeah, some of my
best relationships
142
00:05:30,431 --> 00:05:31,832
have been a little weird.
143
00:05:31,899 --> 00:05:34,034
And when it's just us,
not weird at all.
144
00:05:34,101 --> 00:05:36,069
Mmm.
Mmm.
145
00:05:38,071 --> 00:05:39,339
Hey, Daddy.
146
00:05:39,407 --> 00:05:40,674
Hey, Christine.
Hey, Christine.
147
00:05:40,741 --> 00:05:42,075
Hey, Christine.
Hey, Christine.
148
00:05:42,142 --> 00:05:42,943
Hey, Richard.
Hey, Mom.
149
00:05:43,010 --> 00:05:44,011
Hey, Ritchie.
150
00:05:44,077 --> 00:05:46,480
Hey, Christine.
151
00:05:48,148 --> 00:05:50,083
I think we're done.
152
00:05:50,150 --> 00:05:52,119
I-I have to go, Mom.
153
00:05:52,185 --> 00:05:54,922
No, they're calling us back
to the sabbatical room.
154
00:05:56,223 --> 00:05:57,658
Yeah, of course it has a room.
155
00:05:57,725 --> 00:06:00,994
Uh, do you even know
what a sabbatical is?
156
00:06:01,061 --> 00:06:02,129
Oh, it is?
157
00:06:03,564 --> 00:06:05,866
Okay, I-I love you.
158
00:06:05,933 --> 00:06:08,902
I do show it.
I have to go.
159
00:06:10,404 --> 00:06:11,805
Bad news.
160
00:06:11,872 --> 00:06:14,708
Mom and Dad can't make
Grandparents' Day.
161
00:06:16,343 --> 00:06:17,745
Why not?
162
00:06:17,811 --> 00:06:19,312
Dad's run out of miles
on his car lease,
163
00:06:19,379 --> 00:06:20,781
Mom did some calculations
164
00:06:20,848 --> 00:06:24,251
and, at 15 cents a mile,
it just wasn't worth it.
165
00:06:24,317 --> 00:06:26,487
Does this mean I can't go
to Grandparents' Day?
166
00:06:26,554 --> 00:06:28,221
No, of course not, sweetie.
167
00:06:28,288 --> 00:06:30,558
You know what, Uncle Matthew
will go as your special friend.
168
00:06:30,624 --> 00:06:32,125
I don't want to go
with a special friend.
169
00:06:32,192 --> 00:06:34,027
The only one in my grade
who has a special friend
170
00:06:34,094 --> 00:06:36,664
is that weird kid
with the gray hair.
171
00:06:38,666 --> 00:06:40,734
To be honest, I'm also getting
a little uncomfortable
172
00:06:40,801 --> 00:06:44,004
introducing myself as a nine-
year-old boy's "special friend."
173
00:06:46,707 --> 00:06:48,942
Daddy, maybe you could go
as Ritchie's grandfather.
174
00:06:49,009 --> 00:06:50,478
You guys had so much fun
175
00:06:50,544 --> 00:06:51,879
when we went miniature
golfing the other day.
176
00:06:51,945 --> 00:06:53,447
Well, I'd be happy to,
if Ritchie wants me to.
177
00:06:53,514 --> 00:06:54,615
Yeah, that'd be great!
178
00:06:54,682 --> 00:06:55,983
What?! No, no.
179
00:06:56,049 --> 00:06:58,085
I'm sorry, that's
not appropriate.
180
00:06:58,151 --> 00:06:59,219
Appropriate?
181
00:06:59,286 --> 00:07:01,188
You once dated your cousin.
182
00:07:02,623 --> 00:07:04,257
Second cousin.
183
00:07:04,324 --> 00:07:06,527
And he asked me out.
184
00:07:07,861 --> 00:07:09,497
Besides, it would be confusing.
185
00:07:09,563 --> 00:07:11,832
Jeff is way too young
to be a grandfather.
186
00:07:11,899 --> 00:07:12,866
No, I'm not.
187
00:07:12,933 --> 00:07:14,167
Yes, you are.
188
00:07:14,234 --> 00:07:18,472
Your hands don't shake;
you've heard of TiVo.
189
00:07:18,539 --> 00:07:20,140
You can't be a grandfather.
190
00:07:20,207 --> 00:07:21,174
Yes, I can.
191
00:07:21,241 --> 00:07:22,510
No, you can't.
192
00:07:22,576 --> 00:07:23,944
But I am a grandfather.
193
00:07:24,011 --> 00:07:25,178
No, you're not.
194
00:07:25,245 --> 00:07:27,147
Yes, I am.
195
00:07:27,214 --> 00:07:30,117
I have two grandchildren
from Christine's sister.
196
00:07:30,183 --> 00:07:31,852
No, you don't.
197
00:07:33,253 --> 00:07:36,389
Yes, I do.
Their names are Sasha and Caleb.
198
00:07:36,456 --> 00:07:37,958
No, they're not.
199
00:07:39,226 --> 00:07:41,161
He's such a good grandfather.
200
00:07:41,228 --> 00:07:43,130
Those kids love their Papa Jeff.
201
00:07:46,667 --> 00:07:50,270
P... Papa Jeff?
202
00:07:50,337 --> 00:07:51,572
That's what they call me.
203
00:07:51,639 --> 00:07:53,874
Please can I go
with Papa Jeff?
204
00:07:55,543 --> 00:07:57,344
I don't have anyone else
to go with.
205
00:07:57,410 --> 00:07:59,246
Uh...
206
00:08:00,280 --> 00:08:03,316
F... Fine, Ritchie.
207
00:08:03,383 --> 00:08:05,986
He can go with you.
208
00:08:06,053 --> 00:08:08,522
Who can go with him?
Shut up.
209
00:08:17,464 --> 00:08:18,732
Hello, everyone.
210
00:08:18,799 --> 00:08:20,233
I'd like to welcome you
211
00:08:20,300 --> 00:08:22,502
to the Westbridge school
Grandparents' Day.
212
00:08:22,570 --> 00:08:26,373
I'm Marcy Nunley; I'm the new
principal here at Westbridge.
213
00:08:26,439 --> 00:08:30,010
And I'd especially like to
welcome all of our grandparents,
214
00:08:30,077 --> 00:08:33,647
our parents
and special friends-- Hi.
215
00:08:35,916 --> 00:08:38,185
I know those pancakes
are tasty, but
216
00:08:38,251 --> 00:08:41,922
this event is really about
raising money for our children
217
00:08:41,989 --> 00:08:43,456
and our school.
218
00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:45,158
Remember our theme:
219
00:08:45,225 --> 00:08:49,096
"You can't take it with you,
and we'd love to have it."
220
00:08:55,035 --> 00:08:56,469
I'm really glad
you let me come.
221
00:08:56,536 --> 00:08:58,005
Yeah, me too.
222
00:08:58,071 --> 00:09:00,040
So is this considered
our third date?
223
00:09:00,107 --> 00:09:01,775
Because I brought
my batting glove.
224
00:09:03,276 --> 00:09:07,114
(laughing)
225
00:09:07,180 --> 00:09:09,182
Your mother looks like
she's having a good time.
226
00:09:09,249 --> 00:09:11,251
No, she's just had
so many face lifts,
227
00:09:11,318 --> 00:09:14,554
her mouth is stuck that way.
228
00:09:14,622 --> 00:09:17,524
The kids call
her the Joker.
Mm.
229
00:09:17,591 --> 00:09:20,127
I think it upsets her.
230
00:09:20,193 --> 00:09:22,429
How can you tell?
231
00:09:22,495 --> 00:09:25,332
Oh, hey, look--
it's Christine.
232
00:09:25,398 --> 00:09:27,000
Who's she with?
233
00:09:27,067 --> 00:09:28,235
Is that her dad?
234
00:09:28,301 --> 00:09:29,703
It must be.
235
00:09:29,770 --> 00:09:32,806
Wow, he's so handsome
and well-dressed.
236
00:09:32,873 --> 00:09:35,242
Oh, she must take
after her mother.
237
00:09:37,144 --> 00:09:41,081
Oh, gee.
Oh, God, that's good.
238
00:09:41,148 --> 00:09:42,783
You know, sometimes,
I wish I was the funny one
239
00:09:42,850 --> 00:09:45,052
and you were the pretty one.
240
00:09:46,720 --> 00:09:48,789
I think those two women
are staring at us.
241
00:09:48,856 --> 00:09:51,291
Ugh, ignore them.
242
00:09:51,358 --> 00:09:53,360
Those are the meanie moms.
243
00:09:53,426 --> 00:09:57,297
They're awful-- all they do is
judge everyone and gossip.
244
00:09:57,364 --> 00:09:58,766
Should I step away?
245
00:09:58,832 --> 00:10:00,467
Are you embarrassed
to be seen with me?
246
00:10:00,533 --> 00:10:02,469
Because if you'd rather be with
one of the other grandfathers,
247
00:10:02,535 --> 00:10:05,272
I completely understand.
248
00:10:05,338 --> 00:10:07,107
You know, I can honestly say
249
00:10:07,174 --> 00:10:09,309
that you are the
only grandfather
250
00:10:09,376 --> 00:10:12,379
I have ever wanted to be with.
251
00:10:15,282 --> 00:10:16,216
Oh!
Hello.
252
00:10:16,283 --> 00:10:19,119
Daddy's girl.
253
00:10:19,186 --> 00:10:21,088
I'm going to bring
Ritchie his pancakes.
254
00:10:21,154 --> 00:10:22,990
Okay. I'm going to
get us some coffee.
255
00:10:23,056 --> 00:10:24,291
I'll be right over there.
256
00:10:24,357 --> 00:10:25,693
Hi, Christine.
Hi.
257
00:10:25,759 --> 00:10:27,027
You having a nice
Grandparents' Day?
258
00:10:27,094 --> 00:10:28,595
Yeah, as a matter
of fact, I am.
259
00:10:28,662 --> 00:10:31,398
You seem to have a
very close family.
260
00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:35,669
Yes, you certainly seem
to be daddy's best girl.
261
00:10:35,736 --> 00:10:37,304
(both laughing)
262
00:10:37,370 --> 00:10:38,371
What?
263
00:10:38,438 --> 00:10:40,307
Oh. Ew! Oh, no.
264
00:10:40,373 --> 00:10:41,809
That's not my father.
265
00:10:41,875 --> 00:10:44,945
No, no, no. That's
New Christine's father.
266
00:10:45,012 --> 00:10:47,715
Why were you kissing him?
267
00:10:47,781 --> 00:10:49,850
Um, because I'm, um...
268
00:10:49,917 --> 00:10:52,652
I'm sort of dating him.
269
00:10:54,221 --> 00:10:57,557
You're dating
your ex-husband's
girlfriend's father?
270
00:10:57,624 --> 00:11:00,160
Yeah. That's right.
271
00:11:00,227 --> 00:11:02,996
Well, you know, Christine,
if we don't tell you enough,
272
00:11:03,063 --> 00:11:05,332
we are so happy
you're at this school.
273
00:11:05,398 --> 00:11:07,234
(laughing)
274
00:11:07,300 --> 00:11:09,402
That's nice.
275
00:11:09,469 --> 00:11:11,772
Oh.
276
00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:16,576
Ugh! I got so distracted
by those meanie moms,
277
00:11:16,643 --> 00:11:18,545
I left my pancakes
at the buffet.
278
00:11:18,611 --> 00:11:20,447
Well, have some of mine.
279
00:11:20,513 --> 00:11:21,782
Oh, thank...
280
00:11:21,849 --> 00:11:23,350
Mmm. Thank you.
281
00:11:23,416 --> 00:11:25,018
Can I have a bite, Daddy?
282
00:11:25,085 --> 00:11:27,755
Oh.
283
00:11:27,821 --> 00:11:29,222
Do you want
some more, Princess?
284
00:11:29,289 --> 00:11:32,793
No, I'm good.
No, thank you.
285
00:11:32,860 --> 00:11:35,328
Oh. I think
he was talking to me.
286
00:11:35,395 --> 00:11:38,398
Actually, he's called me
Princess since I was a baby.
287
00:11:38,465 --> 00:11:39,666
Oh.
288
00:11:39,733 --> 00:11:42,002
My dad called me Frizz.
289
00:11:45,505 --> 00:11:46,940
Hey, Mom.
Hi, sweetie.
290
00:11:47,007 --> 00:11:49,709
Uh, can I go show my art project
to Papa Jeff?
291
00:11:49,777 --> 00:11:51,111
Ritchie, don't call him that.
292
00:11:51,178 --> 00:11:53,346
It makes your mom feel
preposterous.
293
00:11:53,413 --> 00:11:55,215
No, it doesn't.
294
00:11:55,282 --> 00:11:56,483
I'm completely fine.
295
00:11:56,549 --> 00:11:59,386
Yes, Ritchie, go show
your project to...
296
00:11:59,452 --> 00:12:00,988
(clears throat)
297
00:12:01,054 --> 00:12:02,689
...Pa... Papa Jeff.
298
00:12:02,756 --> 00:12:05,658
Okay, Ritchie, but we better
stop by the nurse's office
299
00:12:05,725 --> 00:12:07,194
and have
your hearing checked.
300
00:12:07,260 --> 00:12:09,462
I think you got something
in your ear... oh!
301
00:12:09,529 --> 00:12:11,264
Awesome!
302
00:12:11,331 --> 00:12:12,599
(Richard laughing)
303
00:12:12,665 --> 00:12:13,834
Did you...?
304
00:12:13,901 --> 00:12:16,603
(laughing)
305
00:12:16,669 --> 00:12:18,105
What is it about grandpas
306
00:12:18,171 --> 00:12:21,574
that they can always find change
in kids' ears?
307
00:12:21,641 --> 00:12:23,643
I know you're really
enjoying yourself, Richard,
308
00:12:23,710 --> 00:12:26,746
but I just want you
to know, it doesn't
bother me at all.
309
00:12:26,814 --> 00:12:28,015
It doesn't?
No.
310
00:12:28,081 --> 00:12:29,382
Not even a little bit?
311
00:12:29,449 --> 00:12:31,151
(tersely): I said it
doesn't bother me.
312
00:12:32,319 --> 00:12:33,653
Yeah, I've decided
to do this.
313
00:12:33,720 --> 00:12:35,122
I'm going all the way.
314
00:12:35,188 --> 00:12:37,257
In fact, today counts
as our third date,
315
00:12:37,324 --> 00:12:40,160
so when I say I'm
going all the way,
I mean, I'm going to...
316
00:12:40,227 --> 00:12:41,461
Mrs. Nunley. Hi.
317
00:12:41,528 --> 00:12:43,130
Hi.
318
00:12:43,196 --> 00:12:44,197
Hey.
319
00:12:44,264 --> 00:12:45,698
I just wanted
to make sure
320
00:12:45,765 --> 00:12:47,567
I got to say hi
to all the grandparents.
321
00:12:47,634 --> 00:12:50,303
Oh. Unfortunately,
my parents couldn't
make it this year.
322
00:12:50,370 --> 00:12:51,504
Oh. Oh, that's too bad.
323
00:12:51,571 --> 00:12:52,840
And you are...?
324
00:12:52,906 --> 00:12:54,307
Oh, I'm Christine
Campbell.
325
00:12:54,374 --> 00:12:55,475
I'm Ritchie's mom.
326
00:12:55,542 --> 00:12:57,144
Oh, of course. Hi.
Hi.
327
00:12:57,210 --> 00:12:58,879
We invited my father instead.
328
00:12:58,946 --> 00:13:00,981
Oh, fantastic.
And you must be...?
329
00:13:01,048 --> 00:13:02,449
I'm also
Christine.
330
00:13:02,515 --> 00:13:03,817
His girlfriend.
331
00:13:03,884 --> 00:13:05,352
Oh, I see. Which
would make you...?
332
00:13:05,418 --> 00:13:07,654
I'm Ritchie's dad,
her ex-husband.
333
00:13:07,720 --> 00:13:11,291
Her boyfriend. Hi.
334
00:13:11,358 --> 00:13:13,393
I know it sounds a
little complicated,
335
00:13:13,460 --> 00:13:14,928
but I'm fine with it.
336
00:13:14,995 --> 00:13:17,564
It works for me, so nothing
else really matters.
337
00:13:18,531 --> 00:13:20,167
Oh, my God!
338
00:13:20,233 --> 00:13:21,401
What?
339
00:13:21,468 --> 00:13:23,036
I just thought
of the greatest thing.
340
00:13:23,103 --> 00:13:25,238
If New Christine
and I get married,
341
00:13:25,305 --> 00:13:29,242
and you and Jeff get married,
you'll be my mother-in-law.
342
00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:35,115
No, I won't.
343
00:13:39,752 --> 00:13:43,823
to those important
people in our lives
we call grandparents.
344
00:13:43,891 --> 00:13:45,425
Hey, Christine,
what do you have
345
00:13:45,492 --> 00:13:47,594
when mother-in-law's up
to her neck in concrete?
346
00:13:47,660 --> 00:13:50,597
Not enough concrete.
347
00:13:50,663 --> 00:13:53,766
Funny. It was funny
20 minutes ago, and
it's funny now.
348
00:13:53,833 --> 00:13:55,568
(kids singing to tune
of "You're a Grand Old Flag")
349
00:13:55,635 --> 00:13:59,339
* You're a grand old man,
you're a generous man *
350
00:13:59,406 --> 00:14:02,075
* And we love
how you give to our school *
351
00:14:02,142 --> 00:14:05,245
* With your silver hair *
352
00:14:05,312 --> 00:14:10,350
* You were there last year,
when we needed an Olympic pool *
353
00:14:10,417 --> 00:14:13,853
* Should auld acquaintance
you forget *
354
00:14:13,921 --> 00:14:17,690
* Just remember
we need your check! *
355
00:14:17,757 --> 00:14:20,060
(applause)
356
00:14:24,898 --> 00:14:28,501
(loudly): Did you enjoy the
singing, Mother Campbell?
357
00:14:28,568 --> 00:14:30,270
You still got it.
358
00:14:30,337 --> 00:14:32,039
I got another one:
What do you have
359
00:14:32,105 --> 00:14:34,041
when your mother-in-law
is up to her neck in quicksand?
360
00:14:34,107 --> 00:14:35,175
I hate you?
361
00:14:35,242 --> 00:14:36,676
Close.
362
00:14:36,743 --> 00:14:38,511
Sand that's not quick enough.
363
00:14:38,578 --> 00:14:40,480
Oh, hey, I got one.
364
00:14:40,547 --> 00:14:42,582
What did the mother-in-
law do to the jackass?
365
00:14:42,649 --> 00:14:43,783
What?
366
00:14:43,850 --> 00:14:45,218
Ow!
367
00:14:47,454 --> 00:14:50,390
Don't pay attention
to him, Christine.
368
00:14:50,457 --> 00:14:52,659
What the hell is wrong
with you now?
369
00:14:52,725 --> 00:14:54,627
I'm just so happy.
370
00:14:54,694 --> 00:14:56,396
I love my dad so much,
and I've always respected you.
371
00:14:56,463 --> 00:14:58,798
And now that you're together,
it's just so great.
372
00:14:58,865 --> 00:15:00,300
You know, I never had
373
00:15:00,367 --> 00:15:03,470
a very close relationship
with my mother.
374
00:15:03,536 --> 00:15:05,272
We hardly ever talked.
375
00:15:05,338 --> 00:15:07,507
And I got my period
at a very young age.
376
00:15:07,574 --> 00:15:08,775
Ugh...
377
00:15:08,841 --> 00:15:10,610
Oh, my God,
378
00:15:10,677 --> 00:15:13,180
I-I got to get out
of here.
379
00:15:13,246 --> 00:15:15,215
I-I can't breathe.
380
00:15:21,154 --> 00:15:23,690
I don't know why
I let myself get close.
381
00:15:25,192 --> 00:15:26,459
Christine, hold on.
382
00:15:26,526 --> 00:15:28,695
I don't want
to hear any more jokes.
383
00:15:28,761 --> 00:15:31,198
Come on, you joke about
New Christine all the time.
384
00:15:31,264 --> 00:15:33,933
Like how she's so dumb,
she has to take off her shirt
385
00:15:34,001 --> 00:15:35,102
to count to two.
386
00:15:35,168 --> 00:15:36,736
Or when you killed that moth,
387
00:15:36,803 --> 00:15:38,505
and you said she moved up
on the brain donor list.
388
00:15:38,571 --> 00:15:40,107
Well, that's different.
389
00:15:40,173 --> 00:15:42,442
That's funny.
390
00:15:42,509 --> 00:15:44,644
Anyway, it's not just
your lame jokes, Richard.
391
00:15:44,711 --> 00:15:46,313
It's everything.
392
00:15:46,379 --> 00:15:49,049
It's the pancakes and
the princess and the periods.
393
00:15:49,116 --> 00:15:50,750
She's not my daughter.
394
00:15:50,817 --> 00:15:52,885
I don't want to be her mother.
395
00:15:52,952 --> 00:15:54,554
I thought you liked Papa Jeff.
396
00:15:54,621 --> 00:15:55,622
I do. I did.
397
00:15:55,688 --> 00:15:56,956
I-I don't know.
398
00:15:57,024 --> 00:15:58,725
I just... I've just got
to get home.
399
00:15:58,791 --> 00:15:59,959
Wait. What do I tell people?
400
00:16:00,027 --> 00:16:01,594
I don't know.
401
00:16:01,661 --> 00:16:03,596
Just tell them I got sick.
402
00:16:06,299 --> 00:16:08,101
That was my
mother-in-law.
403
00:16:08,168 --> 00:16:09,402
She had to leave.
404
00:16:09,469 --> 00:16:11,638
Her broom was
double-parked.
405
00:16:11,704 --> 00:16:13,740
(laughing)
406
00:16:15,442 --> 00:16:17,444
It's funny.
407
00:16:23,816 --> 00:16:25,052
Oh, I'm glad
you're home.
408
00:16:25,118 --> 00:16:26,853
I went through
all your papers
409
00:16:26,919 --> 00:16:29,589
and completely organized
your life for the
next two months.
410
00:16:29,656 --> 00:16:31,324
Everything is
color-coded, according to
411
00:16:31,391 --> 00:16:34,761
type of activity:
Home, Work, Ritchie or Personal,
412
00:16:34,827 --> 00:16:36,696
and I devised this dot system
413
00:16:36,763 --> 00:16:38,165
to indicate
priority.
414
00:16:38,231 --> 00:16:40,767
I think you're, uh,
really going to like it.
415
00:16:41,834 --> 00:16:43,703
I may be wrong.
416
00:16:43,770 --> 00:16:45,138
What are you doing?
417
00:16:45,205 --> 00:16:48,108
I'm sorry, but
this situation with Jeff
418
00:16:48,175 --> 00:16:49,842
is getting more
and more complicated.
419
00:16:49,909 --> 00:16:52,512
I need the board.
420
00:16:52,579 --> 00:16:55,748
I need to chart what
our family tree would look like
421
00:16:55,815 --> 00:16:59,419
if Richard married New Christine
and I married her father.
422
00:16:59,486 --> 00:17:02,021
Okay. Let's put it
on the board.
423
00:17:03,290 --> 00:17:06,959
Okay. Write my name in
the middle of the board.
424
00:17:07,026 --> 00:17:09,896
Yes. Now write
Richard next to me,
425
00:17:09,962 --> 00:17:11,931
and connect us
with a line.
426
00:17:11,998 --> 00:17:13,566
A broken line.
427
00:17:13,633 --> 00:17:14,901
Thank you.
428
00:17:14,967 --> 00:17:17,870
And then put Ritchie
underneath us.
429
00:17:17,937 --> 00:17:19,439
Yes.
430
00:17:19,506 --> 00:17:22,575
And then put
New Christine
next to Richard.
431
00:17:22,642 --> 00:17:25,011
And write...
432
00:17:25,078 --> 00:17:28,748
P... Pa... Papa Jeff
433
00:17:28,815 --> 00:17:29,882
up there.
434
00:17:29,949 --> 00:17:31,284
That is correct.
435
00:17:31,351 --> 00:17:34,287
Now draw a line from
New Christine up
436
00:17:34,354 --> 00:17:36,489
and across and
over to me, and...
437
00:17:36,556 --> 00:17:38,725
Oh, my God.
438
00:17:38,791 --> 00:17:41,694
I'm Ritchie's grandmother.
439
00:17:41,761 --> 00:17:42,995
Where should I put me?
440
00:17:43,062 --> 00:17:44,464
Oh, who cares?
Just go next to me.
441
00:17:44,531 --> 00:17:46,566
All right, now what
we have to figure out is
442
00:17:46,633 --> 00:17:48,735
what would happen
if we had a baby.
443
00:17:48,801 --> 00:17:49,636
You and me?
444
00:17:49,702 --> 00:17:51,104
What? No. Ew!
445
00:17:51,171 --> 00:17:53,173
Why would we have a baby?
446
00:17:53,240 --> 00:17:54,741
I don't know.
Let's just play with it.
447
00:17:54,807 --> 00:17:56,109
Okay, stop it!
448
00:17:56,176 --> 00:17:57,644
Matthew, stop!
Come on, draw a line
449
00:17:57,710 --> 00:18:00,213
from me and Papa Jeff
down to our daughter.
450
00:18:00,280 --> 00:18:01,581
Why daughter?
451
00:18:01,648 --> 00:18:03,183
I don't know.
I figure, at my age,
452
00:18:03,250 --> 00:18:04,751
it's more likely
I'd have a daughter.
453
00:18:04,817 --> 00:18:07,154
At your age, it's more likely
you'd have dust.
454
00:18:07,220 --> 00:18:10,590
Matthew, would you
please help me?
455
00:18:10,657 --> 00:18:11,891
Sorry.
What's your daughter's name?
456
00:18:11,958 --> 00:18:13,426
Um... I don't know-- Jordan.
457
00:18:13,493 --> 00:18:14,761
Really? What about Kayla?
458
00:18:14,827 --> 00:18:16,429
Yeah, that's nice, too.
459
00:18:16,496 --> 00:18:18,698
Oh, I know.
How about Emma?
Oh, that's good.
460
00:18:18,765 --> 00:18:21,000
Hey, what about Pockets?
461
00:18:21,067 --> 00:18:23,136
Pockets?!
462
00:18:23,203 --> 00:18:26,673
No. It's Emma.
463
00:18:26,739 --> 00:18:28,808
Oh... my God.
464
00:18:28,875 --> 00:18:32,379
Emma is my daughter
and my granddaughter,
465
00:18:32,445 --> 00:18:36,149
and Ritchie's sister
and Ritchie's aunt.
466
00:18:36,216 --> 00:18:37,650
And if we had Emma,
467
00:18:37,717 --> 00:18:39,486
she'd be your daughter
and niece,
468
00:18:39,552 --> 00:18:41,020
and Ritchie's sister and cousin.
469
00:18:41,087 --> 00:18:42,555
What? What?!
Why are you doing this?
470
00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:44,557
Why do you keep
trying to make
us have a baby?!
471
00:18:44,624 --> 00:18:46,793
I don't know. I don't know why
I'm doing any of this.
472
00:18:46,859 --> 00:18:47,794
(knock at door)
473
00:18:47,860 --> 00:18:48,861
Who is it?
474
00:18:48,928 --> 00:18:50,163
Is everything okay?
475
00:18:50,230 --> 00:18:51,831
Richard told me
you had diarrhea.
476
00:18:51,898 --> 00:18:55,034
Oh, God.
477
00:18:55,101 --> 00:18:56,703
Should I put it on the board?
478
00:18:56,769 --> 00:18:58,605
Get out.
479
00:19:01,374 --> 00:19:02,242
Are you okay?
480
00:19:02,309 --> 00:19:03,776
Yeah, I'm fine.
481
00:19:03,843 --> 00:19:06,646
I don't have... that.
482
00:19:06,713 --> 00:19:08,381
What happened?
Why did you leave?
483
00:19:08,448 --> 00:19:09,816
I don't know.
I just freaked out.
484
00:19:09,882 --> 00:19:11,551
I had to come home
and get it straight.
485
00:19:11,618 --> 00:19:14,020
I charted what our family tree
would look like.
486
00:19:14,086 --> 00:19:15,788
Looks confusing.
487
00:19:15,855 --> 00:19:17,390
Confusing?!
488
00:19:17,457 --> 00:19:21,261
Connect the dots, you get a map
of freakin' Alabama!
489
00:19:21,328 --> 00:19:23,263
Aren't you getting
a little ahead of yourself?
490
00:19:23,330 --> 00:19:24,597
No, I'm not.
491
00:19:24,664 --> 00:19:25,432
Who's Emma?
492
00:19:25,498 --> 00:19:28,335
That's our daughter.
493
00:19:28,401 --> 00:19:30,437
Hey, Jeff... today,
at Ritchie's school,
494
00:19:30,503 --> 00:19:32,672
with everybody there,
I got a glimpse
495
00:19:32,739 --> 00:19:36,776
of what the future would
be like, and it is so messed up.
496
00:19:36,843 --> 00:19:38,678
Is that because you
and Matthew have a baby?
497
00:19:38,745 --> 00:19:41,814
Okay, stop-- stop looking
at the board, okay?
498
00:19:41,881 --> 00:19:43,750
I... Oh!
499
00:19:43,816 --> 00:19:45,218
I like you a lot.
500
00:19:45,285 --> 00:19:46,886
And I like you.
501
00:19:46,953 --> 00:19:50,590
So why can't we just look
past the other stuff?
502
00:19:50,657 --> 00:19:53,526
Look, you've got to understand
this from my point of view.
503
00:19:53,593 --> 00:19:56,629
I mean, what if I said
that, in order to date me,
504
00:19:56,696 --> 00:20:00,199
we'd have to hang out with
your ex-wife and her husband?
505
00:20:00,267 --> 00:20:02,869
I'd rather
have diarrhea.
506
00:20:02,935 --> 00:20:04,704
Exactly.
507
00:20:04,771 --> 00:20:07,274
I mean, it's great
when it's just us,
508
00:20:07,340 --> 00:20:09,442
but it's never going
to be just us.
509
00:20:09,509 --> 00:20:11,444
It's always going to be weird.
510
00:20:11,511 --> 00:20:14,381
Isn't this a conversation
for way down the line?
511
00:20:14,447 --> 00:20:16,983
No. Way down the line, I'm going
to be in love with you,
512
00:20:17,049 --> 00:20:19,452
and then it's going
to be too painful to tell you
513
00:20:19,519 --> 00:20:20,987
I don't want to do this.
514
00:20:22,789 --> 00:20:24,324
You don't want
to do this?
515
00:20:24,391 --> 00:20:27,727
Uh... it's just...
It's too incestuous.
516
00:20:27,794 --> 00:20:30,763
You dated your
second cousin.
517
00:20:30,830 --> 00:20:33,900
Actually,
he was my first cousin.
518
00:20:33,966 --> 00:20:37,370
And I asked him out.
519
00:20:37,437 --> 00:20:39,506
I think you're
making a mistake.
520
00:20:39,572 --> 00:20:42,008
Yeah.
That's what my aunt said.
521
00:20:42,074 --> 00:20:44,076
No. No. About us.
522
00:20:44,143 --> 00:20:45,345
What? Oh, yes.
523
00:20:45,412 --> 00:20:47,280
No. Yeah, probably, I am.
524
00:20:47,347 --> 00:20:51,050
I'm sorry.
525
00:20:51,117 --> 00:20:52,485
Okay.
526
00:20:53,753 --> 00:20:55,722
Well...
527
00:20:55,788 --> 00:20:58,491
it was a great
two-and-a-half dates.
528
00:20:58,558 --> 00:20:59,959
(laughs)
And I'd be
willing
529
00:21:00,026 --> 00:21:03,129
to round it up to
three if you want to.
530
00:21:03,195 --> 00:21:04,964
I don't think so.
531
00:21:07,767 --> 00:21:09,636
I hope you're
sure about this,
532
00:21:09,702 --> 00:21:12,004
because once I leave,
I'm not coming back.
533
00:21:12,071 --> 00:21:14,941
Unless you want me to.
534
00:21:15,007 --> 00:21:17,276
Bye, New Christine.
535
00:21:17,344 --> 00:21:18,945
Bye.
536
00:21:21,914 --> 00:21:23,316
(door closes)
537
00:21:23,383 --> 00:21:27,320
That is one hot grandpa.
37521
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