All language subtitles for Criminal.minds.S18E03.LAZYCUNTS.English-WWW.MY-SUBS.CO

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Previously on
Criminal Minds: Evolution...

Dad?

I'm gonna have Rebecca petition

for us to be allowed to conduct

a competency evaluation to see

if he is actually suffering
from brain damage

or giving us all
an Oscar-worthy performance.

If Voit did leave behind

a plan for his followers to rise up...

You realize what you're saying?

I'm saying that I have to start
playing Father Knows Best

with that jagoff.

- Migraine?
- Oh, yeah.

- I just need a minute.
- Oh!

My husband just collapsed.

Is there an update?

They're saying that Will
suffered an aneurysm.

Will's dead.

Ask me again.

Jennifer Jareau, will you marry me?

Yeah.

They say that good
things happen to good people.

Today is one of those days.

I love you.

I love you, too.

- Mom!
- Mom!

Hey, um, don't mind me if I, like,

cling to you today, okay?

Oh, I welcome it.

Just wish it wasn't
because of what happened.

God, how long were they together?

Oh, my God, 18 years.

It's just, it's so shocking.

- And sad.
- Mm.

Life's cruising along,
and then just...

- that's it.
- Yeah.

My grandma always said that, uh,

love was the saddest thing
because, eventually,

- one of you is gonna die.
- Wow.

- Way to inspire, Granny. Hmm.
- Yeah, I know.

- But, uh, does make you think.
- Yeah.

Life's too short to be unhappy.

- Hmm.
- D-D-D-Don't make a short joke.

- It's so hard not to make one.
- I know.

Hmm.

Okay, I promise, no short jokes

if we promise each other this:

we choose happiness. Always.

Always.

I guess we're all ticking time bombs.

Still can't believe it.

Yeah, maybe, uh, after the service,

it'll seem real.

It's been five days already.

Must feel like eternity to JJ.

At least we're distracted
by cases... and Voit.

I need Garcia to find
another lead on the network.

I hate that Voit is our only hope.

Yeah, a guy who doesn't
remember anything.

I don't want to believe it either,

but you know he's not faking, right?

Yeah, I know,

but I don't like it.

Can't fight the science, right?

I have great news.

I actually got approval to run

a personality and problematic
traits inventory

- on Voit.
- Isn't that a test

to determine if kids
are budding psychopaths?

It is,

but given that Voit's
history of violence

has been erased from his memory,
he actually qualifies.

- Right.
- I mean, after a brain trauma

like his, we should see

a higher level of aggression

and antisocial behavior, but so far

Voit's been the complete opposite.

That's very on-brand for him.

- Mm-hmm.
- Can this line of questioning

give Rossi a break
from talking to Voit?

Oh, it's doubtful.

I mean, so far,
Dave is our best chance

at getting Voit to recover
his actual memories.

Until then, we don't see

any violent tendencies out of him,

we don't have a chance of
proving he is who we know he is.

So we need to figure
out how to speed the process up.

What about a witness or survivor?

It's Voit. There were no witnesses.

There is a survivor.

Except Ramona Havener
couldn't identify Voit.

Maybe not back then,

but she was still in shock
when we debriefed her.

Yeah, it's a risk.
She could be re-traumatized.

Uh, yeah, I hear you,
and that is the last thing

that I want to do, but this is
where we are with Voit as well.

I mean, awakening the killer
is a risk,

but the only way to charge him
with being Sicarius is for him

to remember that he's Sicarius.

It's not ideal, but it could work,

and it would be a bonus

- to relieve Rossi of this burden.
- Yeah.

That's okay.

Slow down. Monday.

Tuesday.

Wednesday.

Thursday.

Monday. Today. Wednes...

Oh, wait, I messed up again. Today?

Tuesday.

Tuesday. Martes.

Miércoles. Jue...

- Why-why do I know that?
- Maybe you spoke Spanish.

You think I did?

I don't know. I wish I did.

- Is this your dad?
- No.

Apparently, we're not related, but...

feels like we should be.

Since we're playing the memory game,

I've got one last round for you.

- Shoot.
- What's my name?

Katie Rollo.

And what's his?

- David Rossi.
- That's good. That means

your short-term memory's
getting stronger.

I don't know, things just
pop up when he's around.

Whoa.

Like right now,
I'm getting flashes of, um,

um... a-a car ride.

I-I'm driving, and you were up front.

It was, it was night,

and we were in the woods.
Did we camp out?

Is he mad at me?

"What do women hold?

"The home and the family.

"And the children and the food.

"The friendships. The work.

"The work of the world.

"And the work of being human.
The memories.

"And the troubles and
the sorrows and the triumphs.

And the love."

Maira Kalman.

It's so quiet.

When do the boys get back?

They wanted doughnuts,

but Connie insisted on beignets,

- so who knows?
- Aw.

Oh...

Look at this.

It was such a beautiful wedding.

Aw, I'm sorry.

It was just so sudden.
It was just like...

like when we lost Roslyn.

It's okay, Mom.

- It's okay.
- I'm sorry.

Just look at you,
holding me up, and I...

I'm just such a mess.

- Aw...
- It's...

it's okay. It's okay.

You know what? Um... Go home.

You need to get some rest.

I will call you
when the boys get back, okay?

Are you sure
you don't want me to stay?

It's okay. It's okay.

- Go home.
- Okay.

'Cause look.

- Ah...
- Hi.

The changing of the guards.

Oh, girls.

I just love seeing you.

I just hate why.

Jennifer was just
telling me that I should

go home, get some rest.

- You don't have to go home, Sandy.
- Aw.

Actually, you know what? You should go.

You should go home

to your home to get rest.

- Yeah. Yeah.
- And we'll see you later.

- Yeah.
- Okay. That's okay.

All right, girls.

- Bye, Sandy. - Bye.
- Bye.

So...

is your mom helping or...?

Yeah, sort of.

She keeps reliving
the day my sister died,

- so, you know...
- Oh, I'm sorry.

Yeah, me, too.

Okay, um... So, I still

haven't found the birthday
present Will got for Michael.

Okay, well, uh, we'll help find it.

Uh, I don't know
what it is we're looking for,

just that it's the last gift
he will ever get

from his dad.

Oh, and I have to find it

before Will's mom gets back

because she has
passive-aggressively promised

to go through this whole place
and tear it apart and...

Okay. Hey, let's, um, just...

just take a second.

Yeah, yeah. Why don't,
why don't we all

- just take a breath?
- Oh, yeah.

That's... that's Will's phone.
I should...

Hello.

Uh...

No, um, Will's...
not going to make his cleaning.

No, he doesn't need to reschedule.

Um... Just, the-the thing is...

Will died. Um...

- I know. It's very...
- Oh, yeah.

- ...very, uh...
- Hi. Hi. Uh, this is Jennifer's friend.

I know, it's a terrible tragedy,

so just go ahead
and just, yeah, cancel it.

Is that happening a lot?

Are you sleeping?

Eating?

I'm not hungry.

Putting yourself first

is not selfish.

I know.

I'm trying my best.

And I don't doubt that.

I am just trying to help you

to take care of you.

I appreciate that.

And all you have done so far.

I just need one more favor.

Anything.

Help me find this gift.

Okay.

Dr. Ochoa says

your mere presence really
grounds Voit, and that's a win.

Is what it is.

Am I annoyed? Hell yes,

but since he's making progress,

we have no choice.

Want to run a CPTI?

I mean, it's a long shot,
but it's a start.

Well, he's not operating
on all cylinders,

which might make it harder for him

to compartmentalize
his psychopathic personality.

That is what we are hoping.

One more thing, uh,

what do you think about
getting Ramona involved?

His only known survivor.

Shit.

I hate to drag anyone else
into it, but...

we're stuck.

And it is completely noninvasive.

- So-so it won't hurt?
- No. Not at all.

Like I said, it's just some
additional detailed questions

to ask someone
after a traumatic brain injury.

Uh, it sounds interesting. I don't...

I don't know. Dave, what do you think?

Should I... should I do it?

Yes.

Okay. Um...

W-Well, if it helps me
remember something

about who I was, then,
yeah, I'm happy to do it.

Great.

Let's get started.

You cannot be serious.

Maybe I just missed the window.

Missed the window? The window
has been open for 50 years,

and the man wrote the soundtrack
to all of it.

That's dramatic.

You wouldn't be saying that
if you had ever experienced

the genius that is Bruce.

I never have.

All right, look, we got a lot
of work to do.

We're gonna start with
Greetings from Asbury Park.

- Is that his first album?
- Yes. Yes, man.

All right, I'm back.

- A-Are you done yet?
- Done?

No. We haven't even begun.

Well, put your music tutelage

on hold while I share
this intel 'cause

given how tricky it was
to locate Ms. Ramona Havener,

do not expect the warm fuzziest
of welcomes. Now, per yoozh,

my digging has revealed some
essential truths, including

she has been living
at her deceased mother's home

in Freehold, which also happens
to be her hometown.

"My Hometown." That's a great song.

Luke.

- She still married?
- All signs point to yes.

But she did let her California
real estate license expire.

I-I have no idea
what she's doing for work.

I haven't been able to open
school records, so I don't know

if her husband and her kids
are with her or not.

I can't handle
another family losing someone.

How are JJ and the boys doing?

Well, she says she wants distractions,

but she's serving avoidance.

And Henry's really quiet.

Grief is like a bespoke suit.

That's true.

Yeah, everybody wears it differently.

That's what Tyler said just now,
but he was poetic.

You know, how the Boss would do it.

- "Boss."
- You kids knock it off.

The actual children have just arrived.

- Talk to you later.
- Yeah, you wish.

Hey, girls.

Tell me you've found it.

Uh, not yet.

Michael doesn't even know
it exists, but we do.

We all know, and we owe it to him.

That's what's killing me.

"Killing me." Got to think
of a better way to say that.

Well, we've looked everywhere.

Penelope, no offense, but
I don't see how that's possible

since you don't know
what you're looking for.

Once everyone eats, I'll find it.

Oh, your neighbors
dropped off lasagna.

- Okay...
- God bless them,

but I can't eat another casserole.

Can you?

And these boys should have
what they want,

don't you think?

Actually, they love lasagna.

Do they?

They do.

Oh, and this is strange.

Henry said that Will had
an oncologist.

I told him that wasn't true
because Will would've told me.

Where did Henry get that idea?

Actually, um,
Will did have an oncologist.

- What?
- It was a while ago,

and his tests came back all clear.

He was doing the checkups,
but all was fine.

Keeping his health
private was his decision.

But Henry knew.

Clearly, he didn't have
the maturity to process it.

Actually, he
overheard us talking about it,

and he asked all the right questions.

Well, I certainly hope the boys

don't marry someone who
keeps secrets from you.

I... I-I wasn't keeping it from you.

Oh, Will was? That's your defense?

Blaming someone who doesn't
have a voice anymore?

Connie, Will was fine.

Look, um, I think you're angry,
and I-I totally understand.

I'm not angry.

I'm disappointed.

I'm a mom. You're a mom.

How would you feel?

You knew my son was sick,

and you didn't think
it was important enough...

you didn't think I was
important enough to know.

I could have visited more.

You know what, it's fine.

It's fine.

We have more important things to do.

Like find that present.

Oh, JJ.

Welcome to my life.

- Ramona?
- Can I help you?

I'm Luke Alvez with the BAU.

We met a while back.

Ramona, we got you.

She's not breathing.

There's no heartbeat.

Come on, Ramona, stay with us.

Come on. Hey.

Hey. There you go.

Uh... of course. Hi.

- Uh, this is Agent Tyler Green.
- Hi, Ramona.

We're hoping to ask you
a few questions.

May we come inside?

Uh, sure.

Thought I could put
my mom's old house in order,

but it's... it's overwhelming.

- Sorry about the mess.
- I, uh... I-I'll help you.

It's fine. No, it's fine.

It's fine.

I've been dreading this day.

I thought you'd find me and need him

to be identified
or to testify or something,

but like I told Agent Lewis,
I don't know who took me.

Uh, you, uh...

you were in shock
the last time that we saw you,

but it was over a year ago,

and we have something
called a cognitive interview

that we've found can be really
helpful in times like this.

A man was
arrested in Burney, California.

We believe he kidnapped you
and killed a federal agent.

We have evidence linking him
to the Sicarius serial killer,

- but he's denied it.
- He was attacked

in prison, uh,
suffered some brain trauma.

Now he has amnesia.

Amnesia?

Really? You believe that?

No, I didn't.

But the doctors do.

His brain imaging confirms it.

Um, what would this cognitive do?

You might remember some details

that could help us prove who he is.

In addition to the cognitive,
if this man sees you...

Sees me?

It might trigger an
emotional breakthrough.

He'll remember hurting me?

You and others.

I can't eat. I can't sleep. I...

The medication made me a zombie,
so I stopped taking it.

My family tried to...
to help, but I pulled away.

I can't let them see me like this,

but I can't stop being like this.

It's okay.

I know I drink too much.

I've tried to stop, but...

You're grieving who you were

and a life that doesn't exist anymore.

And drinking numbs that a bit, right?

Quiets the voices?

But then the guilt
and the shame roll in

and you have the worst
thoughts about yourself.

You seem to know what it's like.

Which means you've lost who you were.

I'm sorry for that.

This man...

is there anyone
who would follow his orders

who might find me or my family?

There's been some recent activity

- on a network that he's tied to.
- Then I won't risk it.

- You need to find someone else.
- He's all locked up.

He can't hurt you
or your family. Any threats...

I won't help.

You need to leave.

In case you change your mind.

Anything significant pop up
in the personality inventory?

More of the same.

The guy's harmless.

Any changes here?

Nothing new before he passed out.

Look at this bastard,
sleeping like a baby.

He's charming the whole fucking staff.

The nurses have no idea
what he'd do to them

if given the chance.

Well, that was the agreement
to keep him here, right?

Anonymity?

I mean, no one here knows why
he's cuffed to that bed...

Why am I cuffed to this bed?

That's what you need to tell us.

I don't remember.

I'm just...

I'm really sorry
we didn't find the gift.

There's always tomorrow.

Um, JJ, look,
we don't want to overstep,

but what's going on
with you right now is too much.

I mean, I want to curl

into the fetal position
watching all this,

but here you are, you're...

you're holding everyone else together.

You've always been the glue.

What's the alternative?

Look, girls,

I love you.

- Aw.
- Aw.

We all need some sleep.

- Yeah.
- Tomorrow's a big day.

Uh-huh.

We love you.

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After that...

Ramona, hey.

...of $9.95

for an entire year's worth...

Hi.

S-Sorry. I should have called.

Looks like you've got
some place to be.

Yeah, we have a funeral to go to.

Our coworker's spouse died suddenly.

I'm sorry to hear that.

It's sort of why I'm here, actually.

I... I don't want to waste
another day.

If I let that happen, he wins,
and I'm done with that.

I'm glad to hear that.

Come this way.

I can't do it anymore.

I can't heal if I keep protecting him,

protecting his secret.

I don't know his name, but...

I'd recognize his face.

His eyes.

Okay.

What can you tell us
about the night he took you?

I showed him a property.

He wanted to see another one,
so I offered him a ride.

We drove to an old warehouse district.

It was abandoned, and he
injected me with something.

When I woke up, I was tied up.

I don't know how long
I was unconscious.

Violent men like this one

crave power as a means
to control their victims.

He wanted to scare you.

Well, it worked.

I don't remember getting
from the back seat of my car

to this... uh, windowless space.

It was like a basement or something.

But that's where
things got even weirder.

Weird how?

He wanted a dress rehearsal.

He told me everything.

Apparently, he wanted
to confess to his wife.

I know this is really scary for you,

but I need you to understand
what I'm capable of.

I have killed 61 people.

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Ramona, so do you
want a chance to live?

Yes.

Yes, I do.

I need you

to help me save my marriage.

And then I'll spare your life.

Okay?

He was delusional

enough to believe
that his wife would hear

this confession
and stay married to him.

He did all of this just days
before we found him.

I can't believe
he confessed all that to you.

Details that have never been released.

Ramona, you've made an impact.

We have a good chance

of that happening again.

But we don't want to push you.

I'm up for, um,

exposure therapy

or whatever you'd call this.

I need to get this
son of a bitch out of my head.

So I can move on.

You okay?

I just need a minute.

Oh! Geez.

Will, come on.

Will, wake up!

And this is how we make our family's

famous frittata.

I'm pretty sure Dad added hash browns.

On the side.

No, hash browns are in it,
like the base.

Well, he was probably improvising.

Voilà!

I'm not hungry.

Oh, darling, it's breakfast.

Most important meal of the day.

And it's a big day.

I don't want it.

Okay, it's okay, buddy, go on.

Uh, go get dressed.

Henry, you, too.

We're gonna leave in an hour.

Well, they can't go without food.

I already had a shake.

That's not food!

Okay, um, this is,

by far,

the hardest day of both of our lives.

Can we please try to find
a way to support one another?

We can try.

But, honestly, you don't know
what I'm going through.

Losing a child...

not the same as losing a spouse.

I should know, hmm?

When Will's dad died,

it was sudden, too.

And it was hard.

But...

it's different because...

this... this...

...this is not how
it's supposed to happen.

It's relentless.

I feel like I'm drowning, okay?

The only way
that you would ever understand

how I feel is if Will handed down

whatever illness that was

and your boys died before you.

Whoa, what did you just say?

Only you could find a way
to make this all about you.

The boys have lost their father.

They have been robbed of a love
they're never gonna have again.

This isn't supposed
to happen to them either.

God, Connie, they're still children.

Honestly.

You're-you're the only one
that's acting like a child here.

I'm gonna need you
to either grow the fuck up

or get the fuck out.

You look nice in a tie, Dave.

We have a funeral to go to later.

Funeral? That's, that's

where you go when someone dies, right?

Is that why you look so sad?

'Cause you have
to say goodbye to someone?

That's right.

Before we go, we wanted

to talk, and I'd like

a friend of mine to observe.
Would that be okay?

You're...

Dr. Lewis's friend?

Your face looks so familiar.

Have we met before?

I don't know, have we?

I think we have.

Are you nervous?

No.

Scared?

Not at all.

Not at all.

Okay, well, it's just,
your heart's racing.

And you're rubbing
your hands together.

No one really does that when they

come in here,
so you're sure you're okay?

I'm just fine.

Wait, I remember where we met.

No, I remember.

Not the city, but we, um... the place.

We... we met on 2nd Street.

Right? 2nd Street?

No, no, no, please don't...
No, no, no,

please don't go.

Dave.

- Dave!
- 2nd Street?

Really?

It's where he grew up,
where his trauma started.

This isn't the first time

- he mentioned it.
- He's playing all of you.

He knows exactly what he's doing.

I don't think that he does.

But there is one way to find out.

If you're up for it.

You walk back in there.

Alone.

And you play along.

Hey, Auntie P,
do you think I can drive?

Uh, not this time,
but you can sit in the front

and watch me drive, huh?

Come with us, Sandy.

Uh, hey, are-are you okay?

That was intense.

Well, I never found the gifts.

Um, and Connie's not coming out now.

And she's gonna make us all late.

Okay, uh, I'll get
everyone into the cars.

Thank you.

Come here.

Is that your dad's?

Yeah, he tied it for me last week.

He said it's my lucky tie now.

So handsome.

What's going on?

Well, it's clear I'm not wanted.

I'm leaving.

My Uber's outside.

Come on, Connie.

You don't have to drive separately.

You don't understand, Jennifer.

I'm leaving.

I'm not going to the funeral.

You can set the scene

but you can't give details

about Voit's actions.

Especially the violence.

He has a lot of questions.

You're saying I can answer,
just minimally.

Almost like you're on a witness stand.

Yes/no answers when possible.

This interaction is gonna be recorded

and ideally it could be used in court.

Which is why we want to make sure

that you aren't leading the defendant.

This is asking a lot.

Are you okay?

Yeah.

I've got this.

I made you angry. I'm sorry.

I seem to do that a lot lately.

I-I just don't remember anything,

so when I meet someone
who might remember me,

I just get...

greedy.

Uh, you were right.

We did meet on 2nd Street
when you were

in Indio, California.

I went to California?

Okay. Well, uh...

what else? How did we meet?

Uh...

you were looking for a property.

I was a real estate agent.

And then?

And then, um...

you got into the car.

Okay, I got into the car,
and what next?

We started to drive.

But you didn't want
to see that property.

You wanted to go somewhere else.

Why?

Look, a lot of this is familiar.

Like-like your face.

I remember your face.

I-I can see you driving.

And your, y-your perfume,

I know that I've smelled it before.

Wait, are...

are we married?

No.

But you love me?

- No.
- Okay.

Was I married?

Yes.

Do you know my wife?

Sorry, it's just...

I look at you and I-I see...

I see someone else, too.

Sydney.

No, no, no, my wife.

My wife's name is Sydney.

Please, please, please sit down.

D-D-D-Did you know Sydney?
Do you know her?

I don't know her, but whoever she is

should be glad you're locked up.

Why-why would you say that?

What...?

What did I do? Ple...

Hey! Tell me, please!

- That took a lot of courage.
- Thanks, but I messed up

at the end, didn't I?
I shouldn't have said that.

I... I mean, it's obvious
he's locked up.

- He's cuffed.
- He just doesn't know why.

Thank you for your help, Ramona.

Thank you for letting me see

that he's not who he used to be.

I'm not afraid anymore.

I'm gonna get my family back.

If we need you on the stand?

I'll be the voice

for everyone he silenced.

Sydney and I, we have two kids.

Where are they? What happened?

What do you think happened to them?

The worst.

Okay.

And what is that?

They died.

A fire.

I keep having
these terrible nightmares

about this fire,
and there's smoke and flames.

And people are screaming to get out,

and I can't help them.

Is that what happened?

No.

Was it a car accident?

Did they die and I survived?

No.

But they're dead?

No.

Then where are they?

Why haven't they come to see me?

Why don't you try to remember
everything you can about them?

Sydney has a smile that just melts me.

Holly is our oldest one,

and Harlow is our little one.

She likes basketball.

And we, we live in Seattle.

I have a family. I want to see them.

Elias...

...that's never gonna happen.

You're never gonna see them again.

I just don't understand why.

You're not here to protect me.

You're here to protect
other people from me.

So it worked. Ramona helped?

She did, and she's getting
her family back.

But Voit...

only sees the good
and is a shell of himself.

Oh, my.

Incoming drama alert. Connie lost it

at the house, and we were able
to talk her down... sort of...

but she refused to drive here with us

and now she's saying
she's not gonna come in.

To her son's funeral?

Yeah.

Where is she?

Outside.

- Please, just let me be.
- No, I can't.

Come on.

You mind if I, uh, join you, ladies?

I was just telling Connie
that she's gonna regret this.

The boys need her.

Jennifer needs you.

The three of us.

We're the wisest of the bunch,
wouldn't you say?

Yeah.

That's a nice way to put it.

They always said,
"With age comes wisdom,"

but they left out
the part about all the loss.

I-I can't imagine the pain
of losing Will...

Or Roz.

I lost a child.

One my wife and I prayed for
but never got to know.

He never had a chance

to scrape a knee
or mend a broken heart.

We grieved in our own way, but...

...we couldn't comfort each other.

Our-our shared loss...

the one thing no one else
could experience but us...

drove us apart.

We lost hope

and then experienced another death.

Our child and then our marriage.

I regret that every single day.

I'm sorry for your loss.

But it's not the same.

No, that's true.

But how we grieve...

is-is-is not always up to us.

And our actions

at times like this...

...it's not always who we are.

But walking into that church...

...well...

...that's a choice.

You're right.

I can decide to go inside.

I can do a lot of things Will can't.

I can watch his boys grow up.

But he can't.

It's not fair, but God has a plan...

Oh, stop telling me
God has a plan, Sandy.

How can there be some greater good

to taking a man
away from his children?

From his wife? From me?

Will should be burying me.

What have I done to deserve this?

Outliving my son?

How can any god be that cruel?

I...

I don't know how to do this.

Those flowers are stunning.

Those are from Hotch.

And the ones in the middle
are from Derek.

And those ones are from Spencer.

Oh. Did you talk to him?

Oh, I wish. I got a text.

Still, I'm,

I'm happy he reached out. It's good.

Told you he'd come.

Who?

Spence?

You came.

Hi.

Hey, Spence.

One time Will and I were in a,

a bit of a serious situation.

Okay, it wasn't just that once, but...

he said, "If we get out of this..."

"...the first thing
I'm gonna do is marry JJ."

And he did.

I've always heard "True love

holds on to those it has held."

And I'd like to believe that's true.

JJ, you and Will

have a kind of love
that comes around once,

if you're lucky.

And, my God, were you two lucky.

So then, when I
moved in to the place I have now,

Will called me and asked me
if he could help me move.

And-and with that Will seriousness,

like, he got the boxes,
he got the tape,

he got, he got so much Bubble Wrap.

We bubble-wrapped things
I would never...

And he was so cherishing
of all of my, you know,

admittedly, sometimes
ridiculous home decor.

And it made me

feel so cherished.

Which is why I would know

it would just destroy him

if he saw us all holding
our broken hearts right now.

My mornings would always start
with one of these.

"I'll find you in every lifetime
and love you even more."

Or... "Don't get shot today.

We have a hot date tonight."

He would leave these for me
all over the place.

Bathroom mirror.

Coffee pot. Fridge. Windshield.

I didn't tell Will
that I kept them all, but...

I think he knew.

He was a romantic.

Every morning,

no matter what...

...he would write me one
of these little notes.

Except that morning.

He wasn't himself.

I should've known.

'Cause he didn't... write a note.

This isn't the deal we made.

Our boys aren't supposed to grow up

without a dad.

We were in this together.

That morning, you didn't get
Michael and Henry off to school.

They didn't even get to see you.

That morning...

...would be the last time
I heard your voice,

and it wasn't "Goodbye"

or "I love you."

But you needed help.

And I couldn't save you.

I let you down and I'm so sorry.

I am s...

I'm so sorry for that, boys.

I'm sorry.

I don't... um...

I'm...

I'm lost.

I don't know how to do this.

I appreciate all your support.

So sorry for your loss.

- Thank you for coming.
- Of course.

Still can't believe you made it.

I'm always here for you guys.

When I saw them,
I couldn't find the words,

but you... you were great.

Mm. Thanks.

I mean, there's no right thing
to say, yeah?

Whole thing just hurts my heart.

And then these two beautiful beasts,

they keep growing like weeds,
and now...

without their dad...

You know, you both could help JJ
with the rough-and-tumble stuff.

I'd be honored.

I'm gonna go ahead and join them now.

You want to referee?

No.

But how?

Oh, um, Spence's supervisor

worked with you
at the State Department.

- So he gave him the morning off.
- Oh.

Do you need anything? Water, or...?

Got any of those cheese puffs?

Oh, I don't. I'm sorry.

Oh, I'm kidding. I'm kidding.

No, I-I can't numb myself.

I mean... you can.

No.

I need to feel all of it.

Okay.

Hey. That was such
a beautiful service.

- It really was.
- Yeah.

- How are you doing?
- Mm.

Getting any sleep?

Well, um, every time I close my eyes,

Will's right there.

So, it's either keep my eyes open

to avoid the reality
that he's not right there,

or... stay asleep

and get lost in the dream that he is.

Well, maybe you do both.

Look, this-this grief
is gonna come in waves,

whether you're ready for it or not.

So, y-your only job
is just to ride it out.

Oh. God, I know that look.

Rebecca needs rescuing.

It's the little things, right?

Knowing someone like that.
Being known like that.

Oh, I-I'm so sorry.

I shouldn't have said it like that.

Oh, no, I'm glad you did.

Waves, right?

Waves.

Hey.

Hey.

You, uh, really got me up there.

Krystall and I,

we had countless goodbyes
and I love yous...

but, uh, the morning she died,

I couldn't remember if I said it.

But she knew... right?

Oh, yeah, she knew.

But Will knew.

Because the thing is,
nobody knows until it happens.

I mean, death is the end, yes,

but it's also the beginning
of a different relationship.

You will still speak to Will.

You'll wonder...

...what he thinks about something,

or what he would say to the kids

when they need him.

He was your other half.

And he lives in your heart.

And nothing changes that.

Oh, and a little advice?

Please.

Do more of what you did at the church.

You say what you feel,
whenever you feel it.

Because it shows the boys
that it's okay to let it out.

Okay.

I love you, Dave.

I love you more, kid.

You're a hero, Jennifer Jareau.

You're my hero, and your boys'.

Don't you ever forget that.

Always one more dirty dish.

All these years, I never thanked you.

For loving my son.

My grandsons.

Me.

I'm sorry I didn't tell you.

Oh, he didn't want me to know.

No, he didn't want you to worry.

Yeah. Always the protector.

I'd like to visit more.

I don't want to miss
seeing my grandsons grow up.

Would it...

W-Would it be okay?

That'd be great.

Mm.

Get some sleep.

I'll see you in the morning.

Love you.

Love you.

You still up?

It's the gift Dad made for Michael.

I found it on the bookshelf.

The one with the cutout.

I looked there, I looked everywhere.

I took it a few days ago.

Sorry I didn't tell you.

"The LaMontagne's How-to Guide."

How to fish, how to shave,
how to make coffee.

And the frittata. See?

I was right about the hash browns.

It's almost like Dad knew
he wouldn't be here.

Did he know he was gonna die?

No... No, he didn't.

But he also didn't want
to risk missing anything.

Taking care of you boys was his life.

Being gone was his worst fear.

Looks like this was his way

to always be around.

I-m... I'm sure...

I'm sure Michael
will share it with you.

No, that's for him.

Besides, Dad already taught me
most of those things.

Maybe I can help Michael
if he needs it.

I miss him so much, Mom.

I know you do.

So do I.

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