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1
00:00:05,606 --> 00:00:07,908
( crunching )
( TV playing )
2
00:00:07,975 --> 00:00:09,577
Who's that?
3
00:00:09,643 --> 00:00:10,978
That's the father.
4
00:00:11,045 --> 00:00:13,181
Why's he running away?
5
00:00:13,247 --> 00:00:15,449
He's not, he's going
after that woman.
6
00:00:15,516 --> 00:00:16,817
Why?
7
00:00:16,884 --> 00:00:18,786
Because she thinks
their kids are
in that house,
8
00:00:18,852 --> 00:00:21,089
and he doesn't want
her to go in there.
9
00:00:21,155 --> 00:00:23,091
Because it's haunted?
10
00:00:23,157 --> 00:00:25,226
No, because
it's on fire.
11
00:00:25,293 --> 00:00:29,763
We just watched a
whole scene about that.
12
00:00:29,830 --> 00:00:30,964
Hey, kiddo.
13
00:00:31,031 --> 00:00:32,300
What're you watching?
14
00:00:32,366 --> 00:00:33,767
This awesome movie.
15
00:00:33,834 --> 00:00:35,903
The fireman, he trapped his kids
in a haunted house
16
00:00:35,969 --> 00:00:38,106
and he set it on fire.
17
00:00:39,740 --> 00:00:40,874
Matthew, I really don't think
he should
18
00:00:40,941 --> 00:00:42,343
be watching this kind of movie.
19
00:00:42,410 --> 00:00:44,712
He's not. I don't know what
movie he's watching.
20
00:00:46,614 --> 00:00:48,082
Christine!
21
00:00:48,149 --> 00:00:50,184
What'd she make for dinner?
I'm starving.
22
00:00:50,251 --> 00:00:51,985
Oh... no dinner.
23
00:00:52,052 --> 00:00:54,088
She's out with a guy.
24
00:00:55,089 --> 00:00:56,290
On a date?
25
00:00:56,357 --> 00:00:59,327
Well, it's not just a date.
A fifth date.
26
00:00:59,393 --> 00:01:02,062
Oh.
Who's the guy?
27
00:01:02,130 --> 00:01:03,431
Burton.
Some attorney.
28
00:01:03,497 --> 00:01:05,766
Drives a Jag.
She's way into him.
29
00:01:05,833 --> 00:01:09,303
Fifth date.
30
00:01:09,370 --> 00:01:11,739
You're enjoying this,
aren't you?
31
00:01:11,805 --> 00:01:13,707
You think I'm going to flip out
because my ex-wife
32
00:01:13,774 --> 00:01:15,843
is dating the same guy
a couple times.
33
00:01:15,909 --> 00:01:18,812
Not a couple-- five.
Five. Five.
34
00:01:18,879 --> 00:01:21,081
Give me what? Five.
35
00:01:25,753 --> 00:01:30,057
You know, I was hoping I
wouldn't have to bring this up,
36
00:01:30,124 --> 00:01:32,493
but tonight is our
fifth-date anniversary,
37
00:01:32,560 --> 00:01:35,696
and I was kind of...
looking forward to a gift.
38
00:01:35,763 --> 00:01:36,997
( chuckles )
39
00:01:37,064 --> 00:01:38,832
I got you something.
I got you something,
40
00:01:38,899 --> 00:01:39,933
but it isn't wrapped.
41
00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:41,202
Oh, where is it?
42
00:01:41,269 --> 00:01:42,870
In my pants.
43
00:01:42,936 --> 00:01:46,106
( laughing ):
Oh, my God!
44
00:01:47,040 --> 00:01:48,676
You can't give me
the same thing
45
00:01:48,742 --> 00:01:51,845
you gave me for our
fourth-date anniversary.
( laughs )
46
00:01:55,216 --> 00:01:57,218
Oh! Hello!
47
00:01:57,285 --> 00:01:59,953
Wow. I didn't mean to...
48
00:02:00,020 --> 00:02:02,790
Richard... no,
we were just...
49
00:02:02,856 --> 00:02:04,858
Yes, I saw. Nice.
Yeah.
50
00:02:04,925 --> 00:02:06,294
I'm Burton Schaefer.
51
00:02:06,360 --> 00:02:08,162
Richard Campbell.
Christine's husband.
52
00:02:08,229 --> 00:02:09,930
Ex-husband.
53
00:02:09,997 --> 00:02:11,632
Oh, God. Right.
54
00:02:11,699 --> 00:02:14,302
Wonder what the
psychiatrists would
say about that.
55
00:02:15,569 --> 00:02:18,206
They'd say
you were leaving.
56
00:02:18,272 --> 00:02:19,840
Well, I should probably
head out, too.
57
00:02:19,907 --> 00:02:21,209
Thanks for stopping by.
58
00:02:21,275 --> 00:02:22,476
Let's do this
again soon.
Richard!
59
00:02:22,543 --> 00:02:24,878
What? Burt can
take a joke.
60
00:02:24,945 --> 00:02:26,046
His name's Burton.
61
00:02:26,113 --> 00:02:27,481
He must hear
a lot of jokes.
62
00:02:27,548 --> 00:02:30,551
( laughs )
That's okay.
63
00:02:30,618 --> 00:02:32,353
No, I-I... we've got a big
anniversary tomorrow,
64
00:02:32,420 --> 00:02:35,122
so I should probably
go home and wrap her gift.
65
00:02:35,189 --> 00:02:38,826
( laughing )
66
00:02:38,892 --> 00:02:41,362
Nice meeting you.
67
00:02:45,866 --> 00:02:47,701
I like him.
68
00:02:47,768 --> 00:02:49,737
He's a good-looking guy.
69
00:02:49,803 --> 00:02:51,305
Almost pretty.
70
00:02:52,206 --> 00:02:54,708
Good night, Richard.
71
00:02:54,775 --> 00:02:56,076
What? It's a compliment.
72
00:02:56,143 --> 00:02:58,212
He's a very adorable man.
73
00:03:00,981 --> 00:03:04,252
( phone rings )
74
00:03:04,318 --> 00:03:05,719
Hello?
Hey, it's me.
75
00:03:05,786 --> 00:03:07,388
Look, I'm sorry
about tonight.
76
00:03:07,455 --> 00:03:08,989
I was just trying
to be funny.
77
00:03:09,056 --> 00:03:10,224
Really?
'Cause it wasn't funny.
78
00:03:10,291 --> 00:03:12,260
It was like Benny Hill
not-funny.
79
00:03:12,326 --> 00:03:14,262
Benny Hill
is hilarious.
80
00:03:14,328 --> 00:03:17,431
I can't have
this conversation again.
81
00:03:17,498 --> 00:03:19,767
Hang on,
somebody's calling.
82
00:03:19,833 --> 00:03:21,001
Uh... hold on.
83
00:03:21,068 --> 00:03:22,936
Hello?
Hey, you got
to see this.
84
00:03:23,003 --> 00:03:25,839
A woman's having fat
removed, and it fills
an entire trash can.
85
00:03:25,906 --> 00:03:26,974
Ooh. Channel?
86
00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:28,376
Forty-six.
87
00:03:28,442 --> 00:03:30,944
It's easily the grossest
thing I've ever seen.
88
00:03:31,011 --> 00:03:33,847
Oh! That's disgusting!
89
00:03:33,914 --> 00:03:37,651
Who would watch this?
90
00:03:40,488 --> 00:03:42,623
I-I got to go.
Yeah, me, too.
91
00:03:44,892 --> 00:03:46,093
Hey, sorry, sorry.
92
00:03:46,159 --> 00:03:47,561
Matthew just wanted me
to see this show
93
00:03:47,628 --> 00:03:49,196
where they remove
people's fat.
94
00:03:49,263 --> 00:03:50,631
Ooh, what channel?
95
00:03:50,698 --> 00:03:53,233
Forty-six.
96
00:03:53,301 --> 00:03:55,469
Oh, my God.
97
00:03:55,536 --> 00:03:57,705
Why would they put her
fat in a trash can?
98
00:03:57,771 --> 00:03:59,873
Yeah. Does the trash man
pick that up?
99
00:03:59,940 --> 00:04:02,876
'Cause I can't even get him
to take my old couch.
100
00:04:02,943 --> 00:04:03,877
All right, you know what?
101
00:04:03,944 --> 00:04:06,013
I got to get some sleep.
Wait, wait.
102
00:04:06,079 --> 00:04:08,582
I called because I felt
bad about how I acted.
103
00:04:08,649 --> 00:04:11,619
I was a real jerk, and I'd
like to make it up to you.
104
00:04:11,685 --> 00:04:14,355
Fine, give me a trash can
to put my ass in.
105
00:04:14,422 --> 00:04:15,689
( both laugh )
106
00:04:15,756 --> 00:04:18,326
Listen, Richard,
that's very nice of you,
107
00:04:18,392 --> 00:04:19,893
but you don't have to...
108
00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:22,162
Oh!
Oh!
109
00:04:22,229 --> 00:04:27,335
Wow, that's a
powerful vacuum.
110
00:04:27,401 --> 00:04:29,403
Look, let's go out to dinner,
111
00:04:29,470 --> 00:04:30,904
you and Burton,
me and Christine.
112
00:04:30,971 --> 00:04:32,139
I'll buy.
113
00:04:32,205 --> 00:04:34,442
A double date?
Ooh, I don't know.
114
00:04:34,508 --> 00:04:35,676
Isn't that kind of weird?
115
00:04:35,743 --> 00:04:37,811
Why? Because we're divorced?
So what?
116
00:04:37,878 --> 00:04:40,548
You obviously like this guy.
I'd like to get to know him.
117
00:04:40,614 --> 00:04:43,884
I don't know.
( phone beeps )
118
00:04:43,951 --> 00:04:45,353
Oh, that's Burton.
119
00:04:45,419 --> 00:04:48,689
Okay, hang on,
don't move.
120
00:04:48,756 --> 00:04:49,990
Hi there.
121
00:04:50,057 --> 00:04:52,360
I know I just saw you, but
I had to hear your voice
122
00:04:52,426 --> 00:04:54,328
one more time before
I went to bed.
123
00:04:54,395 --> 00:04:56,897
That is so sweet.
124
00:04:56,964 --> 00:05:01,735
Listen, um, I've got kind of
a weird proposal for you.
125
00:05:01,802 --> 00:05:02,736
Yes.
126
00:05:02,803 --> 00:05:05,473
( laughing ):
No, no.
127
00:05:05,539 --> 00:05:06,607
Richard's on the other line,
128
00:05:06,674 --> 00:05:09,443
and... he wants to take us
to dinner
129
00:05:09,510 --> 00:05:11,679
to sort of make up for being
such a jerk tonight.
130
00:05:11,745 --> 00:05:13,481
What do you think?
Is that weird?
131
00:05:13,547 --> 00:05:16,049
Uh, it's very friendly.
Well, next week we can go
132
00:05:16,116 --> 00:05:18,419
to my ex-wife's for dinner,
you know?
133
00:05:18,486 --> 00:05:20,521
Oh, maybe she'll make her famous
"I-never-loved-you
134
00:05:20,588 --> 00:05:22,990
"and-your-former-law-partner-
is-a-better-lover
135
00:05:23,056 --> 00:05:24,925
than-you'll-ever-be" potpie.
136
00:05:26,126 --> 00:05:28,429
( chuckles )
We can go to dinner.
137
00:05:28,496 --> 00:05:29,897
Okay, fine, all right.
138
00:05:29,963 --> 00:05:31,399
I'll see you tomorrow.
139
00:05:31,465 --> 00:05:33,367
Night.
140
00:05:33,434 --> 00:05:35,002
Hey, we're on.
141
00:05:35,068 --> 00:05:37,438
Great. I'll talk
to Christine and
call you tomorrow.
142
00:05:37,505 --> 00:05:39,407
Okay. Sounds like a plan.
( phone beeps )
143
00:05:39,473 --> 00:05:41,842
Oh, God, this is Matthew again,
I got to go.
144
00:05:41,909 --> 00:05:43,143
Bye.
145
00:05:43,210 --> 00:05:44,778
What?
146
00:05:44,845 --> 00:05:47,280
They're removing a
200-pound tumor from
this guy's leg.
147
00:05:47,347 --> 00:05:50,418
Ooh. Channel?
Sixty-three.
148
00:05:50,484 --> 00:05:54,254
( indistinct conversations )
149
00:05:54,321 --> 00:05:55,689
Thanks for doing this, honey.
150
00:05:55,756 --> 00:05:57,090
I think it's really
gonna be fun.
151
00:05:57,157 --> 00:05:58,426
Do you?
152
00:05:58,492 --> 00:06:00,093
You're not going to
feel a little icky
153
00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:02,430
about seeing your ex-wife
with a serious boyfriend?
154
00:06:02,496 --> 00:06:03,731
No. Why would I?
155
00:06:03,797 --> 00:06:05,232
If anything, it's a relief.
156
00:06:05,298 --> 00:06:06,834
If Christine pairs up,
157
00:06:06,900 --> 00:06:09,503
then we don't have to feel
guilty about our relationship.
158
00:06:12,205 --> 00:06:13,474
You feel guilty?
159
00:06:13,541 --> 00:06:15,543
Did I say guilty?
160
00:06:15,609 --> 00:06:17,210
I meant lucky.
161
00:06:17,277 --> 00:06:20,448
Which is basically the same
thing when you're Catholic.
162
00:06:20,514 --> 00:06:23,984
Luckily, you're a better
kisser than a liar.
163
00:06:26,353 --> 00:06:28,756
Hi.
164
00:06:29,657 --> 00:06:32,626
( louder ):
Hi.
165
00:06:32,693 --> 00:06:33,894
Oh, hi. Sorry.
Hi.
166
00:06:33,961 --> 00:06:35,328
We were just...
167
00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:37,264
Yeah, we saw.
Very classy.
168
00:06:37,330 --> 00:06:39,299
So, Burton,
169
00:06:39,366 --> 00:06:40,734
you've met Richard.
170
00:06:40,801 --> 00:06:43,036
This is his girlfriend,
New Christine.
171
00:06:43,103 --> 00:06:44,371
Hi.
Hi.
172
00:06:44,438 --> 00:06:45,506
Actually, I'm not new.
173
00:06:45,573 --> 00:06:46,840
I've been here for 28 years.
174
00:06:46,907 --> 00:06:49,610
I'm just new compared to her.
175
00:06:49,677 --> 00:06:51,278
Well, let's eat quickly,
176
00:06:51,344 --> 00:06:53,947
'cause I have to get back
to the home.
177
00:06:55,015 --> 00:06:56,650
Well, I'm new,
too, so I guess
178
00:06:56,717 --> 00:06:58,018
you can just call
me New Burton.
179
00:06:58,085 --> 00:07:00,087
New Burton. Isn't that a town
in Connecticut?
180
00:07:00,153 --> 00:07:02,422
Yeah.
181
00:07:02,490 --> 00:07:06,527
( all laughing )
182
00:07:08,361 --> 00:07:10,397
So, Burton,
I just want to say sorry
183
00:07:10,464 --> 00:07:11,565
about the other night.
184
00:07:11,632 --> 00:07:13,801
We both said
some things we regret.
185
00:07:13,867 --> 00:07:16,403
I don't remember
saying anything.
186
00:07:16,470 --> 00:07:17,871
I accept your apology.
187
00:07:17,938 --> 00:07:20,007
Let's just forget about it
and have a good night.
188
00:07:22,543 --> 00:07:23,477
Good evening.
189
00:07:23,544 --> 00:07:25,012
Hi.
Hi.
190
00:07:25,078 --> 00:07:27,481
I will be back in a moment
to take your drink orders.
191
00:07:27,548 --> 00:07:29,149
Thank you.
192
00:07:34,454 --> 00:07:36,089
You okay there?
193
00:07:36,156 --> 00:07:40,628
Yeah, it's my... it's my
new date night underwear.
194
00:07:40,694 --> 00:07:44,698
It just got to
fifth base.
195
00:07:44,765 --> 00:07:48,201
Really, I want you to feel free
to say anything around me.
196
00:07:54,708 --> 00:07:56,577
Christine, you look great
tonight.
197
00:07:56,644 --> 00:07:58,045
Oh, thank you.
Yeah.
198
00:07:58,111 --> 00:07:59,847
Your makeup's
really doing its job.
199
00:08:01,448 --> 00:08:02,750
So what's everybody having?
200
00:08:02,816 --> 00:08:07,454
I'm sorry... my makeup
is doing its job?
201
00:08:07,521 --> 00:08:09,523
What... what does that mean?
202
00:08:09,590 --> 00:08:10,891
What? It was a compliment.
203
00:08:10,958 --> 00:08:12,159
You look good.
204
00:08:12,225 --> 00:08:15,663
Richard, you don't compliment
a person's makeup.
205
00:08:15,729 --> 00:08:16,997
You compliment their face,
206
00:08:17,064 --> 00:08:19,232
not the thing that's covering up
their face.
207
00:08:19,299 --> 00:08:25,405
That's like... that's
like talking about
somebody's girdle.
208
00:08:25,472 --> 00:08:28,075
That looks like
it's doing its job, too.
209
00:08:28,141 --> 00:08:32,680
You know, people in
love-handle houses
210
00:08:32,746 --> 00:08:35,215
should not throw
stones, buddy.
211
00:08:35,282 --> 00:08:36,650
Oh...
You guys, stop.
212
00:08:36,717 --> 00:08:38,719
I'm sure you're making
Burton uncomfortable.
213
00:08:38,786 --> 00:08:39,787
No, no, it's fine.
214
00:08:39,853 --> 00:08:40,821
Actually,
I'm very comfortable.
215
00:08:40,888 --> 00:08:42,255
It reminds me
of my honeymoon.
216
00:08:42,322 --> 00:08:43,557
( chuckles )
217
00:08:43,624 --> 00:08:46,627
Minus the flying ashtrays
and Moroccan police.
218
00:08:46,694 --> 00:08:47,895
( both laugh )
219
00:08:47,961 --> 00:08:50,664
No, you're right--
I promise we won't
220
00:08:50,731 --> 00:08:52,566
be sniping at each
other all night, right?
221
00:08:52,633 --> 00:08:54,602
I'm sorry, too.
It's a bad habit.
222
00:08:54,668 --> 00:08:56,637
Can we just
start this whole night over?
223
00:08:56,704 --> 00:08:57,738
I like that idea.
224
00:08:57,805 --> 00:08:58,639
Yeah.
Okay.
225
00:08:58,706 --> 00:08:59,840
So, Burton...
226
00:08:59,907 --> 00:09:01,408
what sort of law
do you practice?
227
00:09:01,474 --> 00:09:03,076
I'm an immigration lawyer.
228
00:09:03,143 --> 00:09:05,646
Mostly Mexico
and Central America.
229
00:09:05,713 --> 00:09:06,947
I like it a lot, you know?
230
00:09:07,014 --> 00:09:08,782
Helping people find
a better life
231
00:09:08,849 --> 00:09:11,819
and get a little piece
of the American dream.
232
00:09:20,761 --> 00:09:22,863
Of course, we still have
a long ways to go...
233
00:09:22,930 --> 00:09:25,666
But, anyway, most recently,
I've been down in Tijuana,
234
00:09:25,733 --> 00:09:27,534
trying to reunite
this family.
235
00:09:27,601 --> 00:09:31,038
The mom's been working
here, and the kids are down
there, and well, she's...
236
00:09:31,104 --> 00:09:32,539
( laughing )
237
00:09:32,606 --> 00:09:35,809
It's really...
it's really sad.
238
00:09:35,876 --> 00:09:37,077
( laughing )
239
00:09:37,144 --> 00:09:39,512
I always get a laugh
at that part.
240
00:09:39,579 --> 00:09:40,814
No, I'm sorry.
241
00:09:40,881 --> 00:09:42,582
It's just
when you said, "Tijuana,"
242
00:09:42,650 --> 00:09:46,086
it reminded me of this story
that Christine and I have.
243
00:09:46,153 --> 00:09:49,122
No, no, Lord, please do
not tell that story, okay?
244
00:09:49,189 --> 00:09:51,224
I am trying to make
a good impression.
245
00:09:51,291 --> 00:09:53,761
Wait, now I've got
to hear the story.
No, no.
246
00:09:53,827 --> 00:09:55,963
What is it?
We were in this bar.
247
00:09:56,029 --> 00:09:57,698
Christine was drunk--
which, by the way,
248
00:09:57,765 --> 00:09:59,633
is how most
of our stories start.
Oh, that's lovely.
249
00:09:59,700 --> 00:10:00,668
Thank you.
250
00:10:00,734 --> 00:10:01,935
She stole the waiter's whistle
251
00:10:02,002 --> 00:10:03,136
and started
giving everyone shots.
252
00:10:03,203 --> 00:10:05,673
No. I didn't steal
the whistle.
253
00:10:05,739 --> 00:10:07,440
Gosh, I bought it...
254
00:10:07,507 --> 00:10:10,310
by showing the
waiter my bra.
255
00:10:10,377 --> 00:10:11,511
And?
256
00:10:11,578 --> 00:10:13,546
My underwear.
257
00:10:13,613 --> 00:10:14,882
And?
258
00:10:14,948 --> 00:10:18,919
( laughing ):
The top of my butt.
259
00:10:20,420 --> 00:10:23,691
Which, by the way,
is how most of our stories end.
260
00:10:28,829 --> 00:10:30,798
Uncle Matthew...
261
00:10:30,864 --> 00:10:33,033
what does my mom do when she
goes out?
262
00:10:33,100 --> 00:10:38,371
Uh, what does she tell you
she does?
263
00:10:38,438 --> 00:10:40,173
She just says she's going out.
264
00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:43,110
Okay, well,
if you have to know...
265
00:10:43,176 --> 00:10:45,913
When your mom goes out, she...
266
00:10:47,948 --> 00:10:50,851
...she fights crime.
267
00:10:53,653 --> 00:10:55,488
Why does she get all dressed up?
268
00:10:55,555 --> 00:10:56,924
Well, that's her disguise.
269
00:10:56,990 --> 00:10:59,526
She brushes her hair
and puts on clean clothes
270
00:10:59,592 --> 00:11:02,095
so no one will recognize her.
271
00:11:02,162 --> 00:11:03,563
Oh.
272
00:11:03,630 --> 00:11:04,965
You know what, Ritchie?
273
00:11:05,032 --> 00:11:08,736
No more questions
about your mom.
Okay.
274
00:11:08,802 --> 00:11:11,071
What makes some people gay?
275
00:11:13,540 --> 00:11:16,076
Your mom's on a date.
276
00:11:17,845 --> 00:11:19,713
( laughing )
277
00:11:19,780 --> 00:11:21,581
And you couldn't
say anything,
278
00:11:21,648 --> 00:11:23,884
because he knew...
279
00:11:23,951 --> 00:11:25,052
you were wearing...
280
00:11:25,118 --> 00:11:26,754
( high-pitched
laugh )
281
00:11:26,820 --> 00:11:29,256
...his hat.
282
00:11:29,322 --> 00:11:31,859
( Christine and Richard laugh )
283
00:11:35,896 --> 00:11:38,098
Yeah, they never run out
of stories.
284
00:11:38,165 --> 00:11:39,933
Not ever.
285
00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:42,135
Ever, ever, ever.
286
00:11:43,170 --> 00:11:44,604
Last one had a twist, though.
287
00:11:44,671 --> 00:11:46,606
They were sober.
288
00:11:46,673 --> 00:11:48,942
I didn't see that coming.
289
00:11:49,009 --> 00:11:50,944
Remember Vermont?
290
00:11:51,011 --> 00:11:52,846
No, Richard, don't.
291
00:11:52,913 --> 00:11:54,848
I think they're... they're mad.
292
00:11:54,915 --> 00:11:56,884
Burton, are you getting mad?
293
00:11:56,950 --> 00:11:58,685
( laughing )
294
00:11:58,752 --> 00:12:00,821
Why would I be mad?
295
00:12:00,888 --> 00:12:04,157
It's like watching
an alcoholic travel show.
296
00:12:05,458 --> 00:12:07,560
Ah, we got to do this again
real soon.
297
00:12:07,627 --> 00:12:08,896
I'm at my mother's next week,
298
00:12:08,962 --> 00:12:10,798
so it would have to be the week
after that.
299
00:12:10,864 --> 00:12:12,432
Yeah, or never.
300
00:12:12,499 --> 00:12:14,968
Oh, right. Or never.
301
00:12:16,003 --> 00:12:18,806
Wait. You're
really mad?
302
00:12:18,872 --> 00:12:19,907
No, it's... it's fine.
303
00:12:19,973 --> 00:12:21,274
It doesn't matter, all right?
304
00:12:21,341 --> 00:12:23,343
I'm just... I'm gonna
go get the car.
305
00:12:23,410 --> 00:12:26,013
You know, I think
I'll go with you.
306
00:12:26,079 --> 00:12:29,416
Uh, well, we'll
be right there.
307
00:12:31,351 --> 00:12:33,520
Ass!
308
00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:35,789
Me?
309
00:12:35,856 --> 00:12:37,357
What? You were
laughing, too.
310
00:12:37,424 --> 00:12:40,093
At least I didn't do
the duck walk for the waiter.
311
00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:41,862
Richard, that got a laugh.
312
00:12:41,929 --> 00:12:43,897
And you know damn well
if I'm getting a laugh,
313
00:12:43,964 --> 00:12:46,834
I'm not gonna stop.
314
00:12:46,900 --> 00:12:47,801
This is your fault.
315
00:12:47,868 --> 00:12:49,269
How is this my fault?
316
00:12:49,336 --> 00:12:51,972
Because you kept telling
those tired, old stories,
317
00:12:52,039 --> 00:12:54,908
and making Burton feel
completely left out.
318
00:12:54,975 --> 00:12:56,276
He's a lawyer.
319
00:12:56,343 --> 00:12:59,079
I'd think he'd be used
to being left out.
320
00:12:59,146 --> 00:13:00,547
Ass!
321
00:13:00,613 --> 00:13:02,282
Christine.
322
00:13:03,483 --> 00:13:05,185
Christine?
323
00:13:06,820 --> 00:13:08,856
Christine?
324
00:13:08,922 --> 00:13:10,991
Christine,
wait, wait.
325
00:13:11,058 --> 00:13:13,026
Are you actually
mad at me?
326
00:13:13,093 --> 00:13:16,029
You spent the entire evening
327
00:13:16,096 --> 00:13:18,565
trying to sabotage
my relationship.
328
00:13:18,631 --> 00:13:19,666
Why would I do that?
329
00:13:19,732 --> 00:13:21,168
I don't know, Richard.
330
00:13:21,234 --> 00:13:24,371
Maybe that's a question
you need to be asking yourself.
331
00:13:25,572 --> 00:13:28,775
Richard, I really like this guy.
332
00:13:28,842 --> 00:13:31,912
I feel good when I'm with him.
333
00:13:31,979 --> 00:13:34,381
And he's the first guy
that I've met since we broke up
334
00:13:34,447 --> 00:13:37,550
that I can really see myself
staying with.
335
00:13:38,651 --> 00:13:41,121
Oh.
336
00:13:41,188 --> 00:13:43,156
Well...
337
00:13:43,223 --> 00:13:44,892
That's good.
338
00:13:44,958 --> 00:13:46,960
That's great.
339
00:13:47,027 --> 00:13:50,230
I just hope he forgives me.
340
00:13:51,965 --> 00:13:54,167
( sighs, clicks
tongue )
341
00:13:54,234 --> 00:13:55,235
Hi.
342
00:13:55,302 --> 00:13:56,870
Hello.
343
00:13:56,937 --> 00:13:59,306
Oh, I am so sorry you
had a terrible time.
344
00:13:59,372 --> 00:14:01,942
Well, you know, we've been
together for six dates now.
345
00:14:02,009 --> 00:14:04,044
You've got to take
the bad with the good.
346
00:14:04,111 --> 00:14:06,346
Will you forgive me?
I mean, we just...
347
00:14:06,413 --> 00:14:08,481
We get caught up
in our old stuff.
348
00:14:08,548 --> 00:14:10,517
Yeah, you know, speaking
of that old stuff,
349
00:14:10,583 --> 00:14:12,920
there seems to be a lot of it.
350
00:14:12,986 --> 00:14:14,554
Should I be threatened?
351
00:14:14,621 --> 00:14:15,956
Oh, God, no.
352
00:14:16,023 --> 00:14:17,724
It's just a bunch
of dumb stories
353
00:14:17,790 --> 00:14:20,360
from a million
years ago.
354
00:14:20,427 --> 00:14:21,929
I want to make
new stories.
355
00:14:21,995 --> 00:14:23,363
With you.
356
00:14:23,430 --> 00:14:25,999
Yeah, then we can take
your new boyfriend out to dinner
357
00:14:26,066 --> 00:14:27,067
and rub it in his face.
358
00:14:27,134 --> 00:14:29,702
Oh, please, Burton.
359
00:14:29,769 --> 00:14:31,905
I mean... if you let me,
360
00:14:31,972 --> 00:14:34,474
I promise I can
make it up to you.
361
00:14:36,910 --> 00:14:38,145
How are you gonna do that?
362
00:14:38,211 --> 00:14:41,248
Well, I can think of, uh,
five ways
363
00:14:41,314 --> 00:14:43,250
just like right off the top
of my head.
364
00:14:43,316 --> 00:14:46,519
The first two you are
truly gonna love.
365
00:14:46,586 --> 00:14:47,787
Uh-huh.
366
00:14:47,854 --> 00:14:50,290
And the third is mostly for me.
367
00:14:51,959 --> 00:14:53,961
Well, let's start with the third
368
00:14:54,027 --> 00:14:56,296
and then work our way backwards.
369
00:14:56,363 --> 00:14:57,464
Wow.
370
00:15:00,733 --> 00:15:02,202
...and so the good news is
371
00:15:02,269 --> 00:15:04,171
Christine really,
really likes him.
372
00:15:04,237 --> 00:15:05,472
Well, it is good news.
373
00:15:05,538 --> 00:15:07,340
That's what I said.
I'm happy for her.
374
00:15:07,407 --> 00:15:08,942
Yeah. Maybe they'll get married.
375
00:15:09,009 --> 00:15:10,543
Hey, wouldn't that be swell.
376
00:15:10,610 --> 00:15:11,811
( engine revving )
377
00:15:11,878 --> 00:15:14,647
( screaming )
378
00:15:14,714 --> 00:15:17,517
Watch. I'm going
to get blamed for this, too.
379
00:15:21,321 --> 00:15:23,190
How is he?
What did they say?
380
00:15:23,256 --> 00:15:25,625
We don't know yet,
but it looks bad.
381
00:15:25,692 --> 00:15:28,761
It might be his toe.
382
00:15:28,828 --> 00:15:30,630
His toe? Oh God.
Which one?
383
00:15:30,697 --> 00:15:34,234
The one that went
to market or the one
that ate roast beef?
384
00:15:36,236 --> 00:15:39,472
Hey, a toe injury
is not funny, Richard.
385
00:15:39,539 --> 00:15:42,509
It's true.
I lost the nail
on my pinky toe.
386
00:15:42,575 --> 00:15:43,676
It never grew back.
387
00:15:43,743 --> 00:15:46,579
Now I have
to paint the skin.
388
00:15:49,782 --> 00:15:51,151
Richard?
389
00:15:51,218 --> 00:15:53,553
Richard, have you seen
the medical shows?
390
00:15:53,620 --> 00:15:57,024
I mean, toe injuries can lead
to very serious complications.
391
00:15:57,090 --> 00:15:59,026
In some cases, death.
392
00:15:59,092 --> 00:16:01,328
Oh, forgive me.
I didn't realize
393
00:16:01,394 --> 00:16:03,396
I was speaking to a medical
professional, Doctor...
394
00:16:03,463 --> 00:16:06,799
Shove It.
Janice P. Shove It, M.D.
395
00:16:06,866 --> 00:16:08,401
That's very mature.
396
00:16:08,468 --> 00:16:10,270
Oh, you want to talk
about mature?
397
00:16:10,337 --> 00:16:11,938
You just tried
to kill my boyfriend.
398
00:16:12,005 --> 00:16:14,241
You know, I was there,
and it wasn't...
It was an accident.
399
00:16:14,307 --> 00:16:16,109
Oh, there are no accidents,
Richard.
400
00:16:16,176 --> 00:16:18,311
I mean, maybe you didn't mean
to do it,
401
00:16:18,378 --> 00:16:20,880
but you still did do it
unconsciously.
402
00:16:20,947 --> 00:16:22,315
Unconsciously?
Like in a coma?
403
00:16:22,382 --> 00:16:23,583
I think she meant...
No...
404
00:16:23,650 --> 00:16:24,784
You are unbelievable.
405
00:16:24,851 --> 00:16:25,985
Don't you mean sub-believable?
406
00:16:26,053 --> 00:16:28,021
You know what I mean,
407
00:16:28,088 --> 00:16:29,256
you toe-killer.
408
00:16:29,322 --> 00:16:31,091
All right, stop it.
That's enough.
409
00:16:31,158 --> 00:16:32,259
I can't take it anymore.
410
00:16:32,325 --> 00:16:33,293
You're not even making sense.
411
00:16:33,360 --> 00:16:35,595
You're just saying words.
412
00:16:35,662 --> 00:16:37,097
You see?
413
00:16:37,164 --> 00:16:39,432
Even your girlfriend
thinks you're an ass.
414
00:16:39,499 --> 00:16:40,933
Well, you're an ass,
too, Christine.
415
00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:42,535
Me? What did I do?
416
00:16:42,602 --> 00:16:45,438
Well, it's both of you and this
messed-up dynamic you have.
417
00:16:45,505 --> 00:16:47,674
You get going and it's like
no one else exists,
418
00:16:47,740 --> 00:16:48,541
and it's not just tonight.
419
00:16:48,608 --> 00:16:49,876
It's all the time.
420
00:16:49,942 --> 00:16:53,280
With the constant phone calls
and the daily visits,
421
00:16:53,346 --> 00:16:54,781
the obnoxious reminiscing.
422
00:16:54,847 --> 00:16:58,118
It was only a matter of time
before someone got hurt.
423
00:17:00,153 --> 00:17:02,722
You are supposed to be divorced.
424
00:17:02,789 --> 00:17:05,292
Why can't you act like it?
425
00:17:05,358 --> 00:17:07,160
Christine, you have
to understand,
426
00:17:07,227 --> 00:17:08,328
we have a kid together.
427
00:17:08,395 --> 00:17:09,796
We're always going
to be connected.
428
00:17:09,862 --> 00:17:10,997
Oh, don't pull that.
429
00:17:11,064 --> 00:17:12,632
This has nothing
to do with your kid.
430
00:17:12,699 --> 00:17:15,135
This is the two of you unable
to separate from each other.
431
00:17:15,202 --> 00:17:16,136
I'm leaving.
432
00:17:16,203 --> 00:17:17,704
I'll go with you.
433
00:17:17,770 --> 00:17:19,406
No. You stay here, Richard.
434
00:17:19,472 --> 00:17:21,274
I'm serious. You two
need to figure out
435
00:17:21,341 --> 00:17:22,709
what your deal is,
because until you do,
436
00:17:22,775 --> 00:17:25,178
I don't think there's
any room in it for me.
437
00:17:32,819 --> 00:17:34,587
I need the keys.
438
00:17:43,496 --> 00:17:46,166
I need money
for parking.
439
00:17:55,007 --> 00:17:56,042
Yes.
440
00:17:56,109 --> 00:17:57,610
Nice work,
Dr. Campbell.
441
00:17:57,677 --> 00:17:59,045
Thanks.
442
00:17:59,112 --> 00:18:00,413
Okay.
443
00:18:00,480 --> 00:18:03,383
"Remove Adam's apple,
including the core.
444
00:18:03,450 --> 00:18:06,819
You'll end up with money
and friends galore."
445
00:18:06,886 --> 00:18:09,656
Well, I'm not really in it
for the money and friends.
446
00:18:09,722 --> 00:18:11,291
I'm a healer.
447
00:18:14,060 --> 00:18:16,329
So why does my Mom
go on dates?
448
00:18:16,396 --> 00:18:20,233
Well, because sometimes
grown-ups like to go out
449
00:18:20,300 --> 00:18:22,034
with people their own age.
450
00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:24,604
You're her age.
Why don't you date her?
451
00:18:24,671 --> 00:18:26,239
( buzzer )
452
00:18:28,375 --> 00:18:30,076
Well, most people like to date
453
00:18:30,143 --> 00:18:33,613
outside their immediate family.
454
00:18:33,680 --> 00:18:36,149
And it's a law.
455
00:18:36,216 --> 00:18:39,186
A good law.
456
00:18:39,252 --> 00:18:40,687
What do you do on a date?
457
00:18:40,753 --> 00:18:43,022
( buzzer )
458
00:18:43,089 --> 00:18:44,557
Well, you, uh, talk.
459
00:18:44,624 --> 00:18:47,026
And you laugh.
460
00:18:47,093 --> 00:18:50,563
Sometimes you... wrestle.
461
00:18:50,630 --> 00:18:52,299
Oh.
462
00:18:52,365 --> 00:18:54,033
What's intercourse?
463
00:18:54,100 --> 00:18:56,203
( buzzer )
464
00:18:58,405 --> 00:19:00,240
Something to do with golf.
465
00:19:00,307 --> 00:19:03,576
You should ask your mom.
466
00:19:03,643 --> 00:19:04,544
Does Mom golf?
467
00:19:04,611 --> 00:19:07,747
She's been known
to hit the links.
468
00:19:12,885 --> 00:19:14,421
Did you get through
to Christine?
469
00:19:14,487 --> 00:19:16,088
No. She must've
turned off her cell.
470
00:19:16,155 --> 00:19:18,024
Thanks.
471
00:19:18,090 --> 00:19:19,158
So what do you think?
472
00:19:19,226 --> 00:19:20,493
Do you think she's right?
473
00:19:20,560 --> 00:19:21,994
Do we have a
weird dynamic?
474
00:19:22,061 --> 00:19:23,396
No.
475
00:19:23,463 --> 00:19:26,165
I mean, sure, we're closer
than most divorced people,
476
00:19:26,233 --> 00:19:28,568
but I think that's healthy.
477
00:19:31,238 --> 00:19:33,206
I guess.
478
00:19:35,107 --> 00:19:36,543
But I don't want
our old relationship
479
00:19:36,609 --> 00:19:38,345
to get in the way
of our new ones.
480
00:19:38,411 --> 00:19:39,412
I don't either.
481
00:19:39,479 --> 00:19:40,747
Maybe we need
some boundaries.
482
00:19:40,813 --> 00:19:41,714
Yeah.
483
00:19:41,781 --> 00:19:43,350
Like, I guess I
shouldn't call you
484
00:19:43,416 --> 00:19:45,184
every night before
I go to bed, huh?
485
00:19:45,252 --> 00:19:47,220
Maybe I shouldn't just
drop by unannounced.
486
00:19:47,287 --> 00:19:49,021
And, of course,
no running over
487
00:19:49,088 --> 00:19:53,025
each other's
dates with a car.
488
00:19:53,092 --> 00:19:56,363
Seems a little
extreme, but okay.
489
00:19:56,429 --> 00:19:57,630
And we won't
call each other
490
00:19:57,697 --> 00:19:59,366
every time there's
something gross on TV.
491
00:19:59,432 --> 00:20:00,600
Well, I mean,
what if it's
492
00:20:00,667 --> 00:20:01,534
something that
concerns Ritchie?
493
00:20:01,601 --> 00:20:02,635
We have to talk then.
494
00:20:02,702 --> 00:20:04,337
Right. Of course.
We'll talk then.
495
00:20:04,404 --> 00:20:05,772
But only then.
496
00:20:05,838 --> 00:20:08,541
Yeah, I think
that can work.
497
00:20:08,608 --> 00:20:10,176
And you should probably
stop thinking of me
498
00:20:10,243 --> 00:20:11,878
when you're having
sex with Burton.
499
00:20:15,282 --> 00:20:18,217
Richard, I didn't
even think of you
500
00:20:18,285 --> 00:20:20,953
when I was having
sex with you.
501
00:20:24,123 --> 00:20:26,393
I don't want to play
with you anymore.
502
00:20:28,127 --> 00:20:29,862
God, this is
big, you know?
503
00:20:29,929 --> 00:20:33,099
Things are going to
change a lot with us.
504
00:20:33,165 --> 00:20:35,368
I know.
But it's got to be done.
505
00:20:35,435 --> 00:20:37,103
There are other people now.
506
00:20:37,169 --> 00:20:38,305
Yeah.
507
00:20:38,371 --> 00:20:40,540
And by the way,
508
00:20:40,607 --> 00:20:43,610
I think it did bother me seeing
you with someone else tonight,
509
00:20:43,676 --> 00:20:45,812
but it doesn't mean
I'm not happy for you.
510
00:20:45,878 --> 00:20:49,215
Oh, thank you.
511
00:20:49,282 --> 00:20:51,651
And, about you and
New Christine...
512
00:20:54,387 --> 00:20:57,624
Thank you for being
happy for me.
35253
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