All language subtitles for THENEW~1_Subtítulos01.ENG

[theme music]

Okay, these are for school.

Lunch and two snacks.
One to eat, one to
trade.

Oh, and this
is
for dinner

in case your dad
makes
that chicken thing

with the cherries.

- Hello.
- Hey.

- Dad!
- Hey, pal.

- Hi.
- Hi.

- Mind if I use your bathroom?
- Oh.

I've got to
make
a pit stop.

Not a full pit stop,
just an oil change.

I'm going to pee.

So do you like the zipper bags
better than the pinchy kind?

We don't have to do
the small talk.

- Oh, thank you.
- Okay.

- Buddy, put your backpack on.
- Okay.

Okay, have a good day
at school.

I'll call you tonight
to tell you that I
love you

and to say goodnight, okay?

- Okay, Mom.
- I love you.

Oh, that is so sweet.

Reminds me of my mom.

Not that you're
as old as my mom.

My mom is young.
She looks great.

You look great.

We're going to go wait
in the car.

Great, great, great.

- Bye, Mom.
- Bye.

♪ Oh baby I love your way ♪

♪ Every day ♪

♪ Wanna be with you
night and day ♪

♪ Every day ♪

Why are you singing th..

[scoffs]
Oh, my God.

You just had sex.

No, I didn't. I was peeing.

I thought I made that clear.

No, no, no, no.
That's your sex song.

You always sing it after you..

...perform your act.

- No, I don't.
- Yeah, yeah.

Who are you talking
to, buddy? I was there.

When we were married,
I heard it many, many times.

And then not so much
at the end.

- Alright, so I had sex.
- Yep.

Christine and I have been
dating for over three
months.

You can't be surprised.

Oh, no, no, no, no,
I'm not surprised.

I mean, I never really
thought about it.

But, hey, if you want
to jump into the sack

with the first girl
who comes along, be my guest.

Be...my...guest.

Actually, she's
not
the first.

Right after you and I split
up,
I got one under my belt.

"Under your belt?"
What are you, a pirate?

I'm sorry. I
shouldn't
have brought it up.

Obviously, you haven't had
any
and you're a little..

Anyway, it's
nothing
to be ashamed of.

We've been divorced
for two years

which means
you haven't had sex
in..

...just over three years.

Yikes.

Okay, for your
information, Richard

I have had plenty of sex.

I don't tell you everything.

I've had it under my belt.

Over my belt, around my belt.

You know, I've pretty much
worn out my belt.

Really? So plenty of sex?

Hey, when I gots to have
it,
I gots to have it.

Look, it's not a competition.

You'll be ready
when you're ready.

Hey, I'm ready.
I'm ready right
now.

Then I gots to go.

I didn't mean from you.

I got plenty guys coming here
to get some sex.

Alright,
what about the one

with the mystic tan
and the butterfly clip?

Yep, I think
she's
having sex, too.

Are you kidding me? What
about you? Are you doing it?

You know, maybe sex
isn't your thing.

Maybe your thing is more
having awkward conversations

with your employees.

Sex used to be my thing.

God, in fact, senior year
in high school

I was a little bit
of a slut.

That's what
I was known for.

I mean, that and my laugh.

You do have
a nice
laugh.

Oh, thanks.

[laughing]

God, I used to be fun.

Then I became a mom, you know.

I used to be
turned on

by the touch of a man.

Now I'm turned on
by a sale at
Target.

If I could just get a
guy
to touch me at Target

I'd be gold.

So have sex.

I can't. It's complicated.

You know, I'd have to find
a boyfriend who likes kids

and then I'd have to make sure
that Ritchie likes him

and what if
he has kids?

I mean, whose house
do we stay over at?

You don't need to
have
a boyfriend

to have sex, Peggy Sue.

Have a one-night stand.

Get one under you belt.

Do you know that you are
the second person

to use that expression.

Ever?

No, not ever.

God, a one-night stand.

I wouldn't even know
where to begin.

I mean, where would I go,
what would I do

go to a singles bar?

You could.

But that would mean
hopping
in a time machine

and going back to when
singles bars existed.

Well, I mean,
where do you go?

I get most of my
action
at the grocery store.

Really?
God.

'Cause I go
to the Ralph's on Pico

and it's all skateboarders
and lesbians.

No, that Ralph's is dead.

Try the Whole Foods
on Fairfax.

I can't remember the last
time
I left that place alone.

I have to say, I feel
really
uncomfortable about
this.

Well, I need company.

It would seem too whorey
if I came

to a grocery store
to pick up a guy alone.

And bringing your brother
along makes it seem wholesome?

And why are you
even doing this?

I just want to feel
like a woman again.

Help me be a woman
again, Matthew.

Please don't
make me do that.

Come on, you're a guy.

You do this kind
of thing all the time.

- What do I do?
- I don't know. Just act
sexy.

I can act sexy.

What the hell
are you doing?

I'm acting sexy.

Looks like you're trying to
get
a cobra out of a basket.

Hey, this move killed
for me in the '80s.

That's great. If a Duran
Duran
concert suddenly breaks out

you'll be set.

Alright,
I got it, I got it.

Here goes.

Hi. My name is
Christine Campbell.

I'm divorced, but I get along
great with my ex-husband.

We're just better as friends.

Anyway, I'm not crazy.
I'm very stable.

In fact, I own my own gym.

It's one of those 30-minute
workout places for women.

I make decent money, though.

But most of it goes
to my son's private school.

But I'm not a snob.
I'm very down to earth.

I just want what's best
for my son.

His name is Ritchie,
we live in Mar Vista..

Excuse me.

Sorry.

Way to play it cool.

- This is hard.
- It doesn't have to be.

I just think the
most
important thing for
you

is going to be let
him do the talking.

Right.

Okay, you're right.

I got it.
I got it this time.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Excuse me.

That was better.

I am not cut out for
this
one-night stand
thing.

It's not for everybody.

I mean, I know it
seems
silly to you, Matthew

but I just wish
somebody would notice me.

Not as a mom
or as a carpool
captain

but as a woman.

Do you know how long it
took
me to do this to my hair?

- A minute?
- No.

A long, long time.

God, this is impossible.
Come on, let's get out of
here.

I'm never going to meet anybody
in a grocery store.

You met someone,
didn't you?

Yeah, we had a moment
over by the goat milk.

I think she's into me.

I'll see you at home.

Are you done
with that cart?

Hey, knock
yourself
out.

Wow.

I don't want to embarrass you,
but your hair is really pretty.

It must take you a long time
to make it do that.

♪ Ooh baby
I love your way ♪

♪ Every day ♪♪

You're in
a good mood.

Yeah, I'm always
in a good mood.

- Like when?
- Like always.

Like the night
you were born.

- And then...today.
- Yep.

Okay. Off you
go to school.

Bye, darling.
I love you so
much.

- Bye, Mom.
- Bye. See you later,
alligator.

♪ Wanna be with you
night and day ♪♪

- Good morning, Christine.
- Good morning.

Good morning, ladies.

What's wrong?
You're
smiling.

What do you mean?
I always smile.

No. No you don't.

No, it's something else.

Wait a minute..
Did you have sex?

Marly, I think
you're right.

Look, her neck muscles
have relaxed

and she's not doing that
crazy thing with her eyes.

Admit it.

Maybe I did...and maybe
I didn't.

You did.

When did you get
a boyfriend?

You don't need a boyfriend
to have sex, Peggy Sue.

Oh, yes. I got addicted
to one of those things.

Almost broke up
my marriage.

What?

Oh, no, no. Not that.

No, no, no, I met someone, and,
you know, we had a nice time..

That's all there is to it.

Wait, you're not
going to see him again?

Maybe I will,
and maybe I won't.

You can do that?

Apparently, I can.

Oh, crap. Here comes Sad Dad.

Who's Sad Dad?

That's the other
side of divorce.

His wife left him three years
ago for her personal trainer

and he's been moping around
the school ever since

trying to get any woman
to show him the
slightest

bit of attention.

Oh, that is so pathetic.

Which one is he?

Hey!

Hey..

Oh, my God, what are
you doing here?

You looking for me?

Uh...uh, no, my kid goes
to this school.

No way.

My daughter, Alice,
goes to school here.

Wow.

You would think that that
would
have come up last night.

Oh, my God.

[phone ringing]

[ringing continues]

No, no, no, no!
Don't answer that.

Why? Who is it?

(Christine on recording)
'Hi. We're very busy.
Please leave a message.'

(Stan)
'Hi, baby. It's me, Stan.'

'I was just sitting here
on my bed'

'eating dinner by myself,
and I'm looking at the place'

'where we, you know,
were last night, and..'

'Holy cow! It's still warm!'

'Oh, wait. That's because I
put
my spaghetti pot on it.'

'I make a good sauce.'

'I take a jar of Paul
Newman's,
and I add..'

[turns volume down]

Wait, what happened?

I slept with him.

No, with the sauce.
What did he add?

I picked the worst person
to have a one-night stand
with.

He's a parent
at Ritchie's school!

He's depressed, he's needy.

Well, it sounds like you two
have a lot in common.

What was I thinking
going to the
supermarket

picking up a
random
guy for sex?

Huh. Out loud,
it sounds foolproof.

[phone rings]

Oh, this is awful.

Sad Dad isn't going away.

"Sad Dad?"
Isn't that sweet.

You guys already have
pet names for each other.

Shut up, Matthew.
You've got to help me.

Just pick up the phone
and tell him the truth--

he was a one-night stand, and
you never want to see him
again.

No. I'm gonna
handle this my
way.

I'll cut my bangs and eat
a Dove bar and go to bed.

Hey, did you hear that?

He must've gotten the message.

[mobile rings]

Christine.

Uh, I think the guy that you..

You know, the other
night
when you and he..

Dirty.

Alright. I know.

Just let him in, okay?
I'll get this over with.

Thanks.

Hey, lover.

Hey.

Mmm, that was nice.

Yeah.

So, have a seat.

Wow. I haven't been
in a gym in a long
time.

Not since my wife left
me
for her trainer.

It's okay, though.

It's been great
for my daughter.

She loves her new dad, and..

...she's in the
best shape of her life.

Look, uh, Stan..

...the other night, I was in
a particularly vulnerable
place,

and, um, I think
what happened between us

was a little quick.

Oh, I know.

Sorry again.

Oh, no, no, no!

I-I-I mean that I think we
should go back to being
friends.

Yeah, but we were
never friends.

Well...maybe we should go back
to being pre-friends

you know, like the way
we were last week.

But we-we didn't know
each other last week.

Perfect.

Are you breaking up with me?

In a gym?

I can't believe
this is happening again!

Stan, I'm so sorry,
I really am.

You're such a nice man,
and I actually did have

a great time the other night

but I'm just not looking
for a relationship right
now.

I mean, the...the truth is

I haven't had sex
in three years.

Really? You wouldn't know it

the way you jumped right back
in with the dirty talk.

Okay, no, look, Stan, listen..

...you are my one under the
belt, okay, a fling, alright?

But it's over, it's finished.

Wow.

That's too bad.

'Cause I really like you.

You're so foxy and nice.

'I even..'

...made you this mix tape.

Oh. You remembered
my favorite band is
Supertramp.

♪ Give a little bit ♪

♪ Give a little bit
of your love to me ♪♪

Well, I slept with him again.

And it was even worse this
time,
because he made me feel

so self-conscious
about the dirty
talk.

Hi. I'm your brother,
and I think you remember

your ex-husband, Richard.

Yeah, Matthew
was just filling me in.

He didn't mention
the dirty talk.

I didn't even know
about the dirty talk.

Now I got to go call Mom back.

Don't! Don't!

I can't believe
Matthew told
you.

Don't blame Matthew.
I already heard about it.

It's all over school.

The fourth graders are doing
their class project on it.

Christine...what are you doing?

I don't know.

It was our
conversation
the other day, okay?

You're right, I haven't had
sex in three years, you
know?

And you can get completely
out of the habit of it, you
see?

And before you know it,
your
neck muscles are straining

and your eyes are doing
all these crazy things.

So you just went out and
picked
up the first guy you saw?

He wasn't the first.

Th-the first
three
said no.

Wow, it's like a romance novel.

He said I was foxy.

When I say it out loud,
it doesn't really seem

like a good enough reason
to sleep with somebody,
but..

...it was 10 o'clock
at night, on a
sidewalk

in front of a
grocery
store, you know?

I was all good to go.

Please don't tell me any more,
mother of my child.

And then I tried to
break up with him today

but he made me a mix tape.

Supertramp?

[groans]
They are so good.

I know it sounds
a little pitiful, but, I mean

it was my first time
out there, and I just..

I-I wasn't sure
if anybody was gonna want me.

Are you kidding?

Christine, you're
incredibly sexy.

In fact, sometimes I still
scream out your name during
sex.

Oh, you do?

Oh, shut up!

She has my same name!

That's true.

But I still think
you're sexy.

Well, yeah, whatever.

[sighs]
Anyway...I got one
under my belt, okay?

I feel good.
Now I can move on.

[phone ringing]

- You gonna get that?
- No.

[groans]

Oh, this is ridiculous.

I got to do this.

Sorry, it does that sometimes.

My wife got the good car.

So, how you doing?

Well, Stan, we need to talk.

I know. I can't
do this anymore.

What?

You're nice and sweet,
Christine, but..

...I just don't think
this is working out for me.

What? Why?

Well, you know, I haven't
been around much and..

I think you just might be
a little too fast for me.

Fast? It's been three years!

I got a kid that goes
to this school.

I got to think
of my reputation.

Your reputation?

If anything, I
helped
your reputation.

Getting some of this is the best
thing that ever happened to you.

Hey, don't you roll
your window up at
me!

You dig me. You know it!

You made me a mix tape!

Oh, my stomach hurts.

Eh, I would die.

[theme music]