Original subtitles

Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull

As a full moon shone on Baghdad, city of a thousand perils,

a mysterious Baghdadi broke into the palace.

The password...

It ended in "ee".

That's it, I know.

Open, Marsupilami.

Open, Mini Me.

Open, Do-Re-Mi!

C'mon, Do!

THE BRAND NEW ADVENTURES OF ALADIN

Patrols 5, 7 and 13, go!

5 and 13, split up!

Captured by the palace guards,

the thief was taken to Princess Shallia,

said to be sensitive, sweet, elegant and refined.

Are you dumb?

Let me explain.

What treasure is this?

Baghdad's.

I'll make you Prince of...

Baghdad.

- Say it again. - Baghdad.

I just wanted...

- Come on... - No!

Why steal from us like a common...

Thief?

I'm a thief. That's how everyone sees me.

I'm sick of dating a kid.

A kid? Seriously? After all my efforts?

Even couples therapy!

We'll try "puppet" therapy today.

Express yourselves through your puppet.

Go ahead.

Let it all out. You'll see, it's fun.

Not a good likeness.

Ready?

You're immature,

you mock everything

and a serious conversation is impossible.

You're immature, you mock everything

and a serious conversation is impossible.

Very grown-up of you!

Very grown-up of you!

It's always like this, Doctor.

Cut it out.

Cut it out, ok!

It's the sock, not me. I can't control it.

Bad sock.

Ratting me out now?

Who wears the briefs?

I was just having fun.

But you never take anything seriously:

the realm, us... Now you steal too.

I'm bored witless here.

I was gonna give it all back.

Give what back?

Open, Sesame.

That's it. Sesame. Of course.

Is this it?

We're in dire straits.

Nearly bankrupt.

Why not say so?

I tried, but you never listen.

I know palace problems don't really bother you,

but we have a duty to the people.

When he died, I swore I'd serve his realm.

Who's that?

My father.

- I painted it. - Right...

Despite this humiliation,

Aladin began the new day with dignity.

Yes, it's true

I stole our treasure

And I know

I've disappointed you again

You don't trust me anymore

For you, I'm still a child

Love can sap your morale

Like in a song by Tal

I'll do everything

To be

I'll do everything

To be

A good prince

The princess wants you urgently.

Been here long?

It's not my business...

There's no business.

- Why? - I don't judge.

Nothing to judge.

I won't talk.

You can talk. No worries.

Don't talk.

Don't you express yourself in song after a fight?

The First Lady!

What's up?

A visitor.

Shah Zaman, the great and gracious,

Prince of Zoulaoui.

He whose presence intoxicates crowds,

whose reputation makes the world tremble,

who always has the last word,

inventor of "it takes one to know one".

General of the air force, army

navy and gravy.

Shah Zaman!

Welcome, dear...

What do I call you?

Simply...

Shah Zaman the Magnificent.

And Glorious Prince of Zoulaoui.

He whose presence...

And I have presence.

That's true!

Some call me Bissextile, depending on the year.

Others the Versatile when I versatilize.

Some call me the Jovial, others the Modest.

And I invented "Takes one to know one".

Will Shah Zaman do?

It's more convivial.

Dear Shah Zaman,

welcome to my humble land.

Now the introductions are over,

why are you here, Sham Sheitan?

Shah Zaman.

Prince Shah Zaman.

General of the air force, army,

navy and screw you!

Screw me?

I's here (a) to take Baghdad

and (b)

to wed me your wife.

What, Rasta Man?

Aladin can't believe his ears.

Shah Zaman's there to steal his wife!

Your story's a drag.

Aladin's brand new adventures?

Why do I always land a dork?

Dork yourself.

- What? - Nothing.

I'm not scared of flying but I'm not comfortable.

Talking helps.

We're still on the ground.

We're still on the ground.

Cut it out!

Cut it out!

Sorry.

Return to your seat, Sir,

for the safety instructions.

Safety? Why?

- Are you ok? - Yes, I'm fine.

It's my first flight, see,

and the sounds are really scary.

Otherwise, I'm fine.

Just great.

But my girl left me to marry another guy.

I'll try to prevent her, a really dumb idea.

Otherwise, I'm good.

I'm ok.

I'm ok... Not!

I'm not ok, not at all!

Try to relax.

Talk to me, tell me anything you like.

Aladin...

It moved!

It's nothing. Talk to me.

Come on.

Aladin says to Shah Zaman...

You've three minutes to get out, Shakira.

According to the rumours,

the gossip, the whispers,

idle chitchat...

Aladin isn't in a hurry to weds you.

What's his problem?

Get out of my palace,

Shawarma!

Shawarma?

Me? Shawarma?

Yes.

You,

Shawarma!

Here, in front of everyone...

Shawarma!

Ain't mine.

What's this thing?

Get the scary one!

It's not size that matters.

All guys with tiny swords say that.

Good job Wahid's stopping me!

Let go!

Let me smash his face in, please!

Enough!

I won't cede Baghdad and I'll marry Aladin

until death parts us.

That's all?

That's it?

Until death parts you.

Let death part them!

Kill Aladin!

My friends...

My loves, my plagues...

Look at you. Skinny,

scrawny, puny,

ugly.

This prince doesn't give a damn about you.

Will you fight, perish and die for him?

I'm just asking.

I hear no reply.

I...

Shah Zaman,

will triple your pay in half.

Offer valid as long as stocks last.

You underestimate the loyalty of Baghdad's soldiers.

These men cannot be bought.

And never ever will they...

Hippolyte?

Marc?

Alex?

Lionel?

Michel, not you?

Triple pay.

C'mon, Aladin, admit defeat.

You admit it!

Your defeat, not mine!

Damn it, kill him!

Aladin...

That's the great Aladin?

Of The Adventures of?

I saw the first one.

He fought, punched, slapped, dodged blows...

And now not even a flick!

What a put-down.

Ah, well...

Now Baghdad is mine,

we can prepare our wedding in peace.

Marry you?

Never? Never look a gift horse in the mouth.

You don't get it! I won't marry you, ever!

She's a fighter...

Take this fighter to her apartments.

Wahid!

Bring back Aladin dead or alive.

No.

Bring back Aladin dead...

or dead!

And get a baguette. Not too crusty.

Aladin, braver in the past,

fled without looking back.

Well, with one look back.

There.

Now it's pretty.

When Aladin frees me, you'll pay!

Frees you?

You're not my captive.

I'm not?

Untie the princess!

You muppets!

Sorry, Princess.

Actually, we need to discuss a wedding date.

I think...

Calm down!

Get out of my palace right now!

Otherwise...

Otherwise?

Otherwise, I'll...

"Otherwise, I'll"?

I'll kill this guard!

This one, you mean?

You meant that one?

Maybe, in your mind, you meant that one.

Or maybe this one.

Maybe you were thinking of him.

Then him.

And then him.

But you were in fact thinking of him.

No, that's enough!

- I meant him. - Ok.

For our wedding day, I was thinking of the 7th.

An even number, 7.

2, 4, 7, 10, 12...

My mum will do the food.

And I'll do the music.

I love to sing.

I sing good, right?

You do.

I beat up guys who've done nothing to me

And I kill That's my way of loving

You're mad.

No.

You're sick.

I love life, I love poetry, I love singing.

If that means I'm sick, fine!

I'm sick!

Totally sick

Sometimes my head aches

Sometimes my throat I don't know, but I'm...

sick

Lights out, no one home. You're crackers.

Animal crackers

It ain't cool

I'd marry a guy like you?

Yes.

I'd rather do Wahid.

We'll see.

Far from Baghdad, Aladin carried on unimpeded.

What's that?

Almost.

I don't believe it!

What a crap day.

Great! A Capri-Sun.

No...

No straw.

Dear Baghdadas...

Baghdadis.

Wait! What is this?

It's always been Baghdadis!

Let go of me!

Dear Baghdadas...

That is the word?

Yes!

I summoned you

to tell you that until Princess Shallia agrees to wed to me,

I'll torture one Baghdadas a day.

Shah Zaman, a question!

You!

Ali Belaid, The Baghdad Gazette.

Shah Zaman, how will you pick the people to torture?

Eenie-meenie.

How do you mean?

Eenie-meenie-miney-mo, to the torture chamber you go.

Just an example for now.

Yes, you.

When will these measures begin?

From right now!

Get The Shah Zaman Gazette!

Read about the torture sessions!

Shah Zaman, new prince of Baghdad!

Bald him!

Doesn't that hurt?

Peck him.

Can't you peck or what?

The guy's laughing!

Wring him!

He's laughing.

Unwring him!

The people resist torture!

Shah Zaman renames all streets and avenues

"Shah Zaman"!

So, Vizier, Aladin put you here?

Exactly. I'll end my life here like others.

I have lots of admiration for you.

- That's kind. - It's true.

You made so many people suffer.

I had a passion for it.

Haven't we met?

At the Paris Torture Salon, maybe?

- I go every year. - That's it.

The junk I've bought there!

You say you won't buy stuff, but you do.

I have a room full of junk I never use!

The eyebrow peeler?

I have every colour.

I even have one on me.

I swear. Look at this.

I'd never seen a red one.

It's unique.

The only one.

No idea, but it's unique.

Ok, we're not here to talk shop.

I've taken Baghdad.

Now I want to wed the princess.

I torture the people.

Classic.

But I don't get it. I keep torturing them,

but they don't give a damn. It's incredible!

That's because of me. I tortured them so much,

they're immune now.

They're emus?

Which dictator course did you do?

No course. I'm what they call self-raising.

Self-taught.

No. Self-raising.

No. Self-taught.

What's the difference?

Self-raising is flour for cakes.

Self-taught is a natural learner.

We're quibbling.

I need the princess to agree to get wed to me.

Beware, the princess is a sly one.

I knew it.

Back in the day, I tried to marry her. Impossible.

Know what her excuse was? That my breath stinks.

I brush my teeth three times a day.

You brush them with shit?

No, toothpaste.

Poo-flavoured.

No.

It's unbearable.

Hold on... A favour.

I was sentenced to 1,400 years.

I appealed and got 500 more.

1,400 plus 500...

1,200?

No. 1,400 plus 500.

Four times four, nine...

- 1,900. - 1,900?

Way too much.

I agree. Can you do something?

How about 200 years' remission?

I'd be pleased. That makes 1,900 minus 200...

- 1,200. - No.

1,700.

Right.

- Is 1,700 ok? - Great.

- Happy? - You bet.

- Thank you. - Glad to help.

Wahid. Give the vizier an extra 1,200!

No... Is he thick or what?

No, come back. He's thick...

What did he do?

Knocked up all the local girls.

You can't hurt me. If I want, I can waste him.

Aladin?

You're here? Is that you?

What did you do?

- Kill the pervert! - It's all lies!

They're liars. I did nothing.

They call me the beggar of love.

I just bring joy.

I behave.

Shallia's in danger.

Damn vizier!

It's not him.

If I save you, will you be my genie to rescue her?

Brother, you're a cousin for me.

But I'm through being a genie.

Now I know human pleasure,

forget all that!

But that wasn't me.

I understand. Good luck.

Great seeing you. Take care.

Bye, cousin. Wait!

Don't leave me.

I'll be your genie for a few weeks

but extract me, please!

Silence!

Come on...

Execute this rat!

What? No...

Wait!

Whatever this wretch has done,

he deserves a fair trial as laid out by the law.

Who asked you, stranger?

Are you a sworn defender?

Aladin, Prince of Baghdad.

I can defend whomever I wish.

Can you prove your identity?

I left the palace in a hurry without any ID.

Seriously?

You always carry ID?

You bet I do, bro!

Ok. Silence!

Can anyone vouch for this stranger?

You bet. I can.

Except him.

Guys... Aladin, the lamp, the genie.

I crushed the vizier.

Enough time wasted. Execute the pervert!

What's up? Aladin's in town!

That's me!

What? Way too wild!

Everybody!

Hey, Aladin!

I can't hear!

Hey, Ala...

Din.

They're not getting into it.

It's not easy unaccompanied.

It was good. But awkward.

You're Aladin?

Yeah, that's me.

I'm not a big fan.

But my daughter listens to you non-stop.

No! Awesome!

Can we do a selfie?

For my daughter.

Of course.

Shah Zaman...

I've been thinking.

After all, Aladin fled

and I need a prince to rule Baghdad with me.

I shall therefore carefully reconsider

your proposal.

- Is that true? - Do I lie?

I'm pleased.

Cheers.

What a surprise.

Cheers.

Beware, the princess is a sly one.

His breath still stinks.

- Sorry? - Nothing.

Cheers.

Cheers.

- Excuse me. - Yes?

May I have that one?

Of course.

Thank you.

- Excuse me. - Yes?

May I have that one?

- Of course. - Thank you.

Cheers.

Excuse me.

- May I have that one. - Enough.

Let's play a little game.

They're the same. Pick the one you want.

May I?

Guard!

Are you thirsty?

No, I'm not.

You're thirsty.

Unthirst yourself.

Unthirst yourself.

There.

Any side effects? Blurry vision? A stiff neck?

How trusting. Happy now?

Stay here.

May I?

Hot, isn't it?

It's warm.

- Are you thirsty? - No.

- You are. - No.

- You are. - I'm not.

You're thirsty.

Unthirst yourself.

Happy? Work on that paranoia.

It's not sexy in a man.

My friends, allow me to sum things up.

You accuse my client here

of seducing and impregnating

these 20,

30

or 40 poor girls.

Have you seen his mug?

He's so ugly, Quasimodo calls him "Dad".

The day he was born,

they gave his mum

a sick bag!

Not my mum, ok.

I'll keep going.

He's nuts.

My client is so ugly...

They get it.

...his Halloween mask

is a bestseller!

They get the message.

Given these new elements,

we declare the accused innocent.

How could this freak seduce our loveliest women?

Hey, my pal can mock me, that's ok.

He's no better. But you?

Know the truth?

I banged them all.

Just drop it.

I knocked them all up, for real.

I did it, bro. Her, her there...

Your cousin. Your sister too.

Your black masseur. Weird, but I tried.

And your wife's so into me, bro!

Off with his head!

Come on!

That was close.

They're all nuts.

Why are we here?

Don't worry. A genie

needs a lamp. I have to get mine.

I have a plan. Relax.

This place is like home.

What?

We want to come in.

Impossible.

Right...

Is he nuts or what?

Hey, cousin!

What's up? There are two of us.

Aladin, I'm sorry.

You're Aladin?

Yeah.

He is.

You're really Aladin? THE Aladin?

Yeah, that's me.

Call me Aladin. The Aladin sounds too fancy.

You put a flute up your arse to get the lamp?

Sorry? No.

You did.

You ratted on me?

You're a total legend, man.

No one ever did that.

Hold on, consider the context.

A pioneer of the flute up the arse!

Come in.

After, guys tried saxes,

but he invented the flute trick.

Genie 27, your lamp awaits.

Hey, guys, look who's here!

Aladin himself.

Aladin, Aladin...

No, really...

Oh, all right.

- Flute up the arse! - What?

No way!

Guys!

We just came for a lamp so I can get my powers back

to help my friend.

Get out of here!

Move.

You betrayed us by becoming human. We're ashamed of you.

Ashamed of me?

Leave it. He's chief genie.

And me and his sister...

and his brother, an uncle...

- Anyhow, let's split. - Hang on.

Mr Chief Genie!

Let's go.

The lamp is for me

to let my princess go, in Baghdad.

Without my genie, I can't.

Don't give a shit.

Wait, Chief Genie.

Actually, I'm allowed a challenge.

You want a challenge?

Yeah!

Challenge!

Grab it and it's yours.

Easy peasy!

If you fail, you must stay here

and be our servants till the end of time.

If I fail?

If I fail? You're kidding!

You have 30 seconds.

Three will do, bro.

No worries.

Ah, ok...

He's gone.

No... First floor.

We split?

No, let's try.

Good idea, jumping.

- Nice one! - 1, 2, 3...

That hurt!

What is it?

- My eye. - Nothing there.

There is, look.

It stings!

- He's fine. - Look!

Here. Can't you see?

Can you look? It really hurts.

Here. It hurts like hell.

My eye's better now.

Thieving 101.

See you around.

Better cos there was nothing there, bro!

Oldest trick in the book.

Is it really ok?

We did it!

Respect, man. You're as smart and sly as ever.

That I am.

Check, baby.

Here.

It's weird.

Yeah, baby!

Here we go again.

Wow!

It does feel good.

Yep, all there.

First wish: teleport me to let the princess go.

Right.

Yes, well, just teething troubles.

- I'll sort it. - Go for it.

Baghdad, here we come.

Could we do it in one go?

Straight there?

No stopovers.

Off we go.

Aladin?

That's my princess.

Yes, yes, it's me.

Whose pretty little nose is this?

It's my pretty little nose.

And this mouth...

Whose pretty mouth is this?

It's my mouth.

And these titties?

What?

Where are they?

Aladin?

I was in the madman's bed!

And I need you there too!

I apologise. Do you have to shout?

Do I shout like that?

Aladin?

I know you're here.

Gotcha!

No, it's me.

Down!

Down!

I's gonna find you anyhow.

I see your hair.

A melon!

Ready to go together?

Hang on... Ok.

- Calmer? - Yes.

He'll yell again when he gets back.

Is it burnout or what?

What's happening?

What's wrong with me?

Gotcha!

I've got you, Aladin!

You're gonna die!

Help, let me go, Aladin! Let go!

I had my hands on Shah Zaman!

Sorry, I can't do it anymore.

What can't you do?

I don't know. I ...

Shit.

Shit!

He was here. I saw him in the mirror, doing the sausage dance.

Like I see you.

He was here.

Shall we sleep here, boss?

First look under the bed.

- What are they doing? - Looking for you.

- Wahid. - Yes, boss?

He was here.

He was here.

He was here. He was here!

It's all right, boss.

What's up with me? I've never failed before.

I've always...

Genie hotline, hello?

This call may be recorded for training purposes.

How can I help?

My genie's completely out of order. He can't grant my wishes.

Try switching him off then on.

I've done that.

I'll try to do a remote reboot. It may take a few minutes.

Is he under guarantee?

I don't know.

The thing is, I freed him and now I need him again.

If you unlamped him,

to relamp him you must plug him back in.

There's a code. Got a pen?

- Here's the code: JGSD - GYFD... - A bell?

AD98 - KI87

OKLM - 28QW. Did you get that?

I'm sorry, can you repeat it?

The first letter is J for... Janus.

- The second is G for Galafé... - Yes...

The third is S for... Sifilmax.

Sorry, but where do those names come from?

Janus?

I see Aladins everywhup.

They burst in without an appointment, they...

Do you only see Aladin? Or do you also see other...

other men?

Men?

What do you mean?

So you say you see Aladin everywhere, is that it?

Yes.

But I must have to confess, doctor,

sometimes I dream...

I's wears my mummy's clothes

and I goes

to a karaoke cabaret called The Tease.

And there... I sing.

Ziggy,

I's name be Ziggy

He's got no friends

A boy not like the others

He's nice, it's not his fault...

You have a lovely voice.

You sing like an angel.

Really?

Yours is nice too.

And so's your beard.

So...

Doctor?

I's scared.

Is it serious?

What? No.

If you keep seeing Aladin appear and disappear,

he must have got his lamp and his genie back.

Does that exist?

Yes.

A magic lamp?

- Really? - Affirmative.

You're a smart one.

I want a magic lamp too!

Apparently you can get them

on the black market.

- In this maze... - ...go your own ways.

- It's spicy. - And icy.

- Poisons. - Potions. Spell books.

Welcome to the Black Market.

Kill them!

After, I'll kill you both.

Even the white guy's black!

All's black in the Black Market!

Welcome to my humble shop.

In the Black Market you write your own history.

Hoards of rare objects all shrouded in mystery!

Shah Zaman, greetings.

I want a magic lamp.

A connoisseur!

I've got something.

Those are my swimming trunks, my football boots...

Whose knickers are these?

Won't be long.

There!

This magnificent lamp

is an unheard-of bargain.

Still under guarantee.

It's a bit small.

Small, but mighty.

It's the last one, so I'll give you a good price.

4,000 gold coins.

A steal!

3,800.

Ok, 2,600.

1,200.

200.

50?

15 coins.

Two coins?

One gold coin?

It's yours! A gift!

No, we can't!

Don't be shy.

- It's a gift! - It's too much.

I'll throw this in. Some Tippex.

To white out bad memories.

I can't accept.

You must! I'm happy to.

- Really? - Yes!

You're not just scared of me?

No, I'm not scared.

Not at all!

Well, then.

I accept.

Tell me.

How does it work?

You rub it delicately with your thumb.

I rub it...

Where are the babes?

Bow before your new master, Shah Zaman!

I bow before you, oh great Shah Zaman.

I'm not him.

I bow before you,

oh great Shah Zaman.

No, not me.

Who then?

Him.

Is that a genie?

Yes, boss.

That reboot did me good.

I should have done it sooner.

Yeah.

So this is Baghdad?

I guess they changed the decor.

And the temperature!

Why are you here?

Is this your house?

- Who are you? - The Snow Queen.

No, it's not you. But we know the Snow Queen...

We call her the Queen of...

Silence!

Stop!

Lady, don't do that!

This is the Forbidden Palace.

We didn't know that.

We're off to let my princess go.

What did you say?

Let her go. In Baghdad.

Let her go?

Let it go!

That's really good!

I've been struggling with a song... Can I use that?

Great! Thanks.

Let it go! No.

- Let it go... No. - Snow Queen?

What about my friend?

No can do. He has to thaw out.

Let it go. Let it go!

No time to wait.

No!

- That's nice. - What happened?

Some amber musk?

I love amber musk!

There you are!

Master!

It's so good to get my legs back. Thank you.

I want my wishes.

When Aladin comes back to Baghdad I want you...

to kill him!

No, sorry, can't do that.

Genies aren't allowed to kill humans.

I'm all love.

All kisses.

Second wish!

I want

Princess Shallia

she be love me. Quick as a flash!

But I can't do that either, Master.

Genies can't make humans fall in love.

If you can't grants me my wishes,

you have no powers.

That's all.

Me, no powers?

Me, no powers?

Master, you are wrong.

- Who wrong? - You wrong.

Me wrong?

Watch this.

Concentrate hard on a famous person.

Got it.

Is it a man?

Yes.

Is he an actor?

Yes.

Is your famous person bald?

Yes... yes.

Rihanna.

Incredible!

It works every time!

I'm the best. Rihanna!

Rihanna, nada!

- See this? - Oh, no, please.

- Want to go back in? - No.

- Do you? - No, please!

I don't want to go back in.

I can't make her fall in love

but maybe I can help you to seduce her.

How?

As you know, I'm an expert in seduction.

Really?

Yes. Anyway, I know what you must do.

Jealousy.

Jealousy, Master!

You just have to make her jealous.

She has to see you with another woman.

What do you say?

The voice.

I'll adjust it.

Got it.

And now...

What do you say?

You'll do.

It's not great, but you'll do.

Welcome to downtown Baghdad!

Or close...

Nice to be back, isn't it?

Are they Baghdadis?

Yes, I... yes.

Are you judging by looks?

They can't be Baghdadis because of their colour?

Who's that?

Welcome.

Staying for dinner? Pot-luck.

Goat-gut soup. Surprising, but nice.

- I already... - I'm not ready.

We're ready to leave.

We must go.

Let's leg it.

- See you! - Bye!

I hope this works.

- Trust me, Master. - It had better.

She's here.

You sent for me?

Princess!

Who's that?

A friend from the 'hood on a visit.

So, Princess,

I sent for you to say I'm organising a charity ball.

As you don't like me,

I'll go with my friend.

Ok, great. Is that all?

That's all.

What did she say?

No, nothing. It's just silly.

You're a joker.

I was thinking... For the charity ball,

wouldn't it be better for you to go with a princess

rather than with someone more, let's say... ordinary?

It's working!

I hadn't thought of that.

After all, why not?

Hold on.

What?

- Who's ordinary? - Sorry.

Maybe I should have said, "vulgar".

What did you say?

I'll get you!

Nobody talks to me like that.

Girls...

I mean, did you hear Pocahontas? She says I'm vulgar!

But you aren't!

You're beautiful, refined, classy...

- You defend her? - No.

Nice couple.

So mediocre I could paint you.

Go to your rotten party!

Let her go. Who gives a shit?

Are you stupid?

Why?

What did we say?

Show me your face.

Why?

What did we say?

But I saw you!

You were only looking at her!

Am I just a tissue to be thrown away?

No, I'm not like that! You got the wrong girl.

Know who I am? A go-getter.

A girl who knows what she wants in life.

Who doesn't control her feelings. A fighter.

A flower woman. A fruit woman. Single and sassy.

- Single and sassy? - That's it.

With that beard?!

Single and sassy, really?

Master!

I got carried away, sorry.

Now what? The lady did went!

Back in your lamp.

- No. - Yes!

I've got an idea.

A wonderful idea.

You're a genie of genius!

And you're... the "height" of glory.

Meanwhile, Aladin and his genie were still trying to get home.

I've discovered America!

Who are they?

Why the hell are you here?

Not staying.

No nonsense, now.

You didn't discover America.

I, Christopher Columbus, discovered it.

Of course, Mr Columbus, you discovered America. Bravo

You did, though technically we were here first.

What?

- Technically... - No, nothing.

Technically what?

Nothing. You discovered America.

You'll go down in history. Great.

Agreed. I, Christopher Columbus, discovered America.

Though technically...

Good evening, Princess.

Welcome.

What? It's my bedtime.

Just a little dinner

so you'll forgive me for my friend,

who it is admitted was vulgar.

Not bad physically, mind.

She was rude.

Sorry.

Come on, don't be shy.

Come this way.

I'm not shy.

Think you can impress me with your Christmas dinner?

Are there really two moons?

I re-did the scenery a bit.

I hope you like it.

It's flashy.

Princess...

Forget our turf fights

and enjoy this magnificent starry night.

Look, there's the Big Bear.

Next to it, the Middle-Sized Bear, his cousin.

And there...

A polar bear. No idea what it's doing there.

Great.

Princess.

This evening, we can enjoy...

That's done.

Bravo, Princess!

You just threw an innocent double off the balcony.

- No!? - Yes.

Not that I didn't trust you,

but after that poisoned glass of wine...

I took measures.

I hired a double, who didn't even look much like me.

Not much? It was the same guy!

No, I'm sorry.

His moustache was slightly different

and his nose...

That's done.

Again.

- Bravo, Princess! - No!

You just threw another innocent double off the balcony again.

- No! - Yes!

That's cheating!

Am I Shah Zaman, or a double?

Guess, guess, guess who I am

Behind Mouloud, I do what I like

That's it!

I killed Shah Zaman!

Princess, that isn't nice!

Not nice at all!

Chucking people off like that, willy-nilly.

Wahid!

Are you you or not?

You're not you!

Stop!

Princess!

From today onwards,

I'll have 100 Baghdadas executed every day

until we're married. So there.

- I hate you! - I hate you too!

Bless you!

Doubles.

So, how was I?

Excellent.

Honest truth. Ex-cell-ent.

It was easy.

You just have to be small, nasty, depraved and smarmy.

Smarmy yourself!

There's Baghdad.

Unbelievable, but true.

It is what you asked for.

A while back.

Look! It's Aladin!

Catch him, quick!

- Now what? - Trust me?

- No way. - OK.

A one...

A two...

Must be squashed flat.

As a cowpat!

The princess tried to kill me!

"The princess tried to kill me!"

He's a laugh.

Pillow fight!

No!

Stop!

Quiet!

Master,

did she really?

She tried to push me off the balcony.

You're so lucky, Master. Fall from the balcony, think about it.

For a woman, that means falling in love.

That's where it comes from.

That's what it means. Bravo, it worked.

- I succeeded. - Yes indeed.

I didn't realise.

- Do you mind if I...? - Go ahead.

Bye, Master... No!

That'll teach you to take the piss.

Come on, pillow fight!

Yay! Pillow fight! Come on!

Pillow fight! Come on!

- Boss. - Yes?

Aladin is back.

What?

What's that?

But we chased him and he fell off a cliff.

What a shame!

He died running away again.

- He died? - Like a coward.

That's so sad!

And I found his lamp, boss.

Wahid,

you get a raise: two dinars.

So this is your place?

Nice, eh?

Very. And big. But how do you heat it?

Electricity.

Must cost a bomb.

No, it's free.

I did a couple of ads for EDF.

- No way? - They're so cool!

So that's Aladin's lamp.

I'll rub it... rub it...

Help me, Aladin!

I've got you.

It's too hard!

Is anyone in?

Is anyone in?

Hold on!

It doesn't work.

No, not my hair!

Wahid!

Stupid lamp doesn't work.

No.

Now I'm bald.

And what were you before?

I had a thing...

Shah Zaman!

- No! - What!

I'm not Zaman.

What?

- I'm his double. - No way.

I'm called Augustin.

I'm really sorry.

You couldn't know.

Well, no.

I'm from La Castellane, Marseille.

It hurts.

He's dead.

I must be discreet.

Turn me into a guard.

Here goes.

Yes! What's this voice?

- It's... fine. - What have you done?

It's really weird.

- There's worse. - Worse? What?

- Spots? - No.

What's this nose?

- It's fine. - It's huge!

- Change me back! - Now, listen...

To change back, you just have to click your fingers.

That's not bad, is it?

My voice is...

That's it.

OK?

Off we go!

Oh, fine, don't bother to knock!

Shallia...

"Shallia"? Not "Princess", or even "Miss"?

Are we Facebook friends?

I forgot I looked like this.

- My love... - What?

Stop, Shallia, it's me, Aladin!

But it's Aladin!

- Guard! - Calm down!

- Don't touch me! - Stop it!

What's going on?

This guard's mad.

What are you doing here? Out!

Get lost!

Sorry, Princess, that's him gone.

Why did you do that?

I didn't do that.

Yes you did, you went...

No.

I'm not a sightseer and I saw. You did that.

No, not that.

That's it.

Or that, or that, or that...

Where is he?

Shallia, quick!

My nose!

My nose...

Guards!

Guards!

Wahid!

Quick!

I'll get the Shazamettes.

What's that?

What the...?

Go and sit down, sir, please!

It's just some turbulence. Seatbelt on.

We're gonna die!

We're gonna die!

Don't you get it? I lied!

I've been lying from the start.

It's my fault my girl left.

I wasn't involved enough and didn't ask her to marry me!

She's marrying an idiot and it's my fault!

Let go of me. Right now.

Oh, it's calmer.

It'll be fine now. Tell me the rest.

Yes... the story.

The story...

Well, this time I'll tell the truth.

Aladin was surrounded

by the guards.

Don't worry.

Aladin...

The wedding is tomorrow.

What?

To Shah Zaman. Tomorrow.

That's nice.

Marrying him?

He's a bit temperamental, but

at heart he's not bad.

That's true, I'm not that bad.

I'm just shy, that's all.

You and I aren't happy anymore.

You get your freedom back

and I have my duty.

Goodbye, Aladin.

Goodbye, Aladin.

The princess is hopeless.

No, Aladin is hopeless.

It's what he deserves.

His princess is marrying someone else. End of story.

Is that the end?

Were you listening?

No, not really...

That can't be it.

Leave it to me. So.

Aladin and his genie were in Baghdad's best Chinese restaurant.

Now I've lost her.

Forget it.

It's noble of you to abide by her decision.

The meal will be great.

Chinese food is well known to be refined.

What Chinese region is this from?

A speciality for you, young stranger.

Break it in two.

"Your Princess awaits... A word from you and she's yours!"

Wild.

Is this witchcraft?

It's a fortune cookie. It tells the future.

That's right.

They can be wrong.

"Hurry, young prince of Baghdad." Crazy.

Could be anybody.

Last one?

"Get a move on!"

We have to go.

Any way I can get this doggy-style?

The Palace square was full of people for the royal wedding.

Aladin and his genie, who...

I'll take over again.

Aladin and his genie went round the back,

which wasn't guarded.

Usually.

Got a plan?

Aladin's plan was to get his princess back.

A wish for that?

Martial arts master?

- Great! - Excellent.

Bollocks!

What the...?

Genie?

Genie!

Same hair...

Is that you?

No? Yes?

No.

You fight well. Your name?

Aladin. And you?

D'Artagnan.

We're the Three Musketeers.

Come and capture Richelieu.

I must save my princess.

A princess?

What's she like?

A message.

"You're soon going to eat a cookie."

Nonsense!

We're d'Artagnan,

Athos, Portos and Aramis.

- We fight for the king! - Long live the king!

We're Janus, Galafé, Sifilmax and Daome.

- No way! - For the cardinal.

Are those their real names?

You will die.

Die in the wrong story.

Attack!

What did you do?

I'll admit I'm finding it tough. Not with you...

Where are the guards?

There.

Nice one.

You're good.

Right...

No time to lose.

Congratulations, Princess!

I,

Prince Shah Zaman,

through this ring,

(very expensive)

I take yourself, Shallia,

to be wedded.

You take nothing, Prince Charlie!

Dirty mitts off her!

Gadyikes! Aladin?

Easy-squeezy.

Useless!

Shut your face.

Shallia,

I love you.

Sorry for being selfish and puerile,

but I can't live without you.

That's not very original.

You choose your moment, Aladin.

I didn't learn to love.

I'm just a vulgar Baghdadi thief.

Quite right, he's crappy.

But I beg you,

don't marry that...

that despicable me.

He looks like a Minion.

I don't know, Aladin.

"I don't know, Aladin."

Is that your reply?

Listen up to me.

Giving is giving, taking back is stealing. Right?

How would you like I come and take your wife,

quick as a flasher?

It's not naice.

Listen.

We could settle this man to man,

but I haven't time. Wahid!

Guards!

You're right. We could have a clean fight.

But I've no time either.

Dracarys...

Who dares to meddle with my master?

What's that face?

You gave me no warning, bro!

They're well scared.

That'll do.

Calm down!

For Dave's sake!

Breathe.

And if that doesn't work,

breathe again.

Am I afraid?

No, I'm not afraid.

Why aren't I afraid?

I'll give it a rub...

Rub it...

Master.

Picking on the little kid?

- Which one? - Him first.

Then he called his sister,

and she's bugging me too.

Both bugging me.

Genie battle?

Genie battle.

Listen up me.

Smack his face in the face.

What?

Take his face and smack it in his face.

Got it?

Listen.

Do your best.

No. They've got faces in faces.

- You're ace. - No, please.

Wishes battle?

No.

Best wishes card battle!

I wish you...

a very good and happy next year.

I wish you every happiness,

and may all your mornings be sunny.

I wish you love by your side all next year

and health as your best ally.

That's a stupid battle.

The ending has to be wicked.

Let me. The genies summoned a ring

so that Aladin and Shah Zaman could slog it out.

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

Welcome to Baghdad Square Gardens!

What's that?

Gentlemen...

Prepare to fight.

OMG.

What?

- Really? - Yes.

You work out?

- No. - You must.

Just zumba on Tuesdays.

He's right. You're magnificent.

Thank you!

Shut it, you.

Gimme a hand.

No!

Don't take it off.

- Sure? - Yes, keep the robe on.

I'm wearing my robe!

I want you to fight by the rules.

The victor will win my heart and marry me.

I's'll be the husband.

Great.

"Your" husband, in English.

Pardon me. Is this English?

What the hell?

Look, a ladybird!

Sir, we've landed.

What?

We're in Marrakesh.

Already?

That was quick. I wasn't even afraid.

Go and find her!

You act tough, but I know...

Get lost, clown!

Thank you.

Such happiness

and such a pleasure to see you all here

on this beautiful day for the wedding of my friend

- I should say, my brother -

Yannis.

Yannis who, I have to say,

funds hospitals.

No, I will say it: Yannis has funded a hospital in this very town.

He never says anything

so I will.

He just lent me 50,000 euros.

- Don't say that. - Yes, I will say it.

He'll never get it back, mind!

So now I'll stop wasting time, as we're all here today

for the lovely Sophia.

Stop this wedding!

Sam?

Why's he here?

Why did you come here?

You flew?

Yes, I flew.

Because I have to say...

I love you, Sophia!

Wahid!

No, I've been silent too long.

I have feelings too.

Sophia, I want us to be together.

There, I said it.

Stop it. What are you playing at?

She's been giving me the eye all along.

What?

I've got a heart too. I've got feelings!

Plenty more fish...

I love you, Sophia!

Only ever thinking of yourselves.

Sam.

Anything else?

Yes. Yes.

Go ahead.

Actually...

I wanted to say

for one...

I wanted to say...

Please. Please.

Let him finish.

Sam?

I can't live without me. Without you.

I think of you at bedtime in the morning.

You and me...

we're like...

It's good.

Is that it, Sam?

Finished?

Yes.

That's it.

Sorry.

Knew he was coming?

No.

Does anyone else want to oppose this wedding?

No one?

Well?

Well, I'm going home.

Without her.

I'll try to upgrade you.

That's kind.

I'm really sorry.

I couldn't even talk to her.

To say what?

That I'm mad about her.

I may not deserve her, but I can't imagine life without her.

I think of her when I wake up

and go to bed.

She's the love of my life.

The happy ending would be her coming now.

I'll leave you to it.

New friend?

She's just a stewardess I...

...was talking to.

We're not there yet.

You need to earn my forgiveness.

I know.

I keep thinking of us and I want to marry you.

Clown!

Who's that?

No idea. Never seen him before.

With evil Shah Zaman gone, Aladin and Shallia...

No, I'm not evil. I'm just a bit shy.

It is true

It wasn't a sure thing

Well done

The competition went flying

I'd forgotten how badly you sing, pal

Sorry, you'll just have to marry Tal

What the hell am I doing here?

I won't lie, I haven't any idea

What shall we do now it's you and me?

Well, of course, a song about me

Aladin, Aladin

Aladin, Prince Aladin

Aladin, yes, that's him

Aladin, yes, that's me

I was singing on a stage

Now you all can hear me rage

Shallia you always tease

Go and put her at her ease

Now you show me something Aladin the future king

Ready?

1,400.

We did this before.

So. 1,400 plus 500?

- 1,200. - No.

Why always 1,200?

Isn't that the result?

1,400 + 500, no way.

Another one?

Fifty

plus two.

- 1,200. - Stop it!

Stop it.

Always 1,200.

We invented maths.

Your people, not you.

One plus one.

- 1,200? - Bravo.

- 1,200. - That's it.

Easy.

Yes, it's easy. It's maths.

Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull