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The following program

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Howdy, ma'am. You having trouble?

Oh, big trouble.

The wheel refuses to stay on,

and I'm not strong enough to put it back.

Well, I think we can fix that up.

I'll be happy to help you out. Thank you.

Thank you so much.

It's so nice of you.

It's all right, ma'am.

Be happy to do it.

My name's Hoss Cartwright, ma'am.

I reckon you must be this Madame Marova, huh?

I am.

So pleased to make your acquaintance, Mr. Cartwright.

Just call me Hoss, ma'am, most everybody does.

You, uh... you got anything

I can put under that axle while I lift it up?

Oh, I'm sure I will find something.

All right.

Here you are. Oh, fine.

Now, when I get it lifted up,

you stick that barrel right under there.

Okay.

Yeah...

Yeah...

That's good.

You are wonderful.

I never saw such a strong man in my life before.

Oh, ma'am, that wasn't nothing.

We're gonna have to figure out

some way to keep that wheel on there.

You got any wire?

Oh, I might.

I'll be back in a minute. Fine.

One hundred fifty...

seventy...

one hundred seventy-eight.

That's it.

Here you are.

Yeah, that'll-- that'll do it fine.

I reckon, from what it says on here,

you must be a fortune-teller, huh?

The world's greatest.

To me, the future is as clear as a day.

Yeah?

You know, I've-I've seen a lot of fortune-tellers,

but I-I believe you're the prettiest one I ever did see.

You're not only a very strong man, Mr. Cartwright,

you're also a very gallant gentleman.

Hey, maybe you could just tell me a little bit about my future,

so I could amaze my pa and little brother, huh?

Mr. Hoss, after the great favor you have done for me,

I'll be more than delighted to tell your future.

It is unbelievable.

What? What's unbelievable?

Look at this line.

And look at this line.

This is... magnificent.

Yeah, you know, I noticed that myself before.

That is sort of funny, ain't it?

I've only seen this mark once in my life before,

and he was a great musical genius.

Look at this line.

You see, it makes a star.

And look at this line.

You are going to give a concert in one week.

On a harmonica?

Violin.

Oh. Violin.

You've not as much as touched a violin?

Well, Madame Marova,

it ain't that I got anything against the fiddle.

It's just that, well,

I ain't never had one of them around, that's all.

I'm going to take care of that.

Here is the violin

of the great maestro I told you about.

Take it.

On his deathbed, he told me to give it to someone

whose genius is as great as his.

It's a Stradivarius.

A Stradi-who?

Stradivarius.

Stradivarius...

Sounds sort of pretty, don't it?

It was made hundreds of years ago.

It's a gift from one maestro to the other.

You are going to give concerts before kings.

Crowds are going to gather before your feet.

The newspapers are going to carry your pictures.

And the whole world will know

that the world's greatest violin virtuoso is...

Maestro Hoss.

It's written.

Well, I-I... I sure do thank you, ma'am.

I wish there was something I could do for you.

You are very kind.

Well, there is a little thing...

Well, you just name it.

You see, it's not easy for a woman alone,

and only two months ago

I needed some money,

and I had to borrow it on this same violin.

But don't worry, I'll pay it back.

How much was it?

$178.50.

...$78.50...

Dad-burnit.

Ain't that something?

It just so happens that that's exactly what I got on me.

Oh, no, no, I couldn't take it.

The great maestro insisted

the violin should be given free.

Well, Madame, you gave me the violin free.

Now, it ain't your fault-- or the maestro's--

That you had to borrow money against it, is it?

Do you really think

the great maestro would understand?

Well, I... I understand,

and you said I was just like him.

Mr. Hoss,

when you're a great man

and the whole world is at your feet,

remember Madame Marova.

Yes'm.

Farewell, Maestro Hoss.

Farewell, Madame Marova.

There's no reason why your brother

can't be home on time for supper.

Absolutely no reason at all.

Well, don't worry, Pa.

He may be late for a meal,

but he'll never miss one altogether.

Well, I'm missing one altogether, and I'm hungry.

Soup cold.

Chicken all burnt.

Chicken all burnt.

Well...

What's your brother doing sneaking in the back way?

Hoss?

Hoss, is that you?

Hoss, you in there?

Hi, Pa.

Sorry I'm late, Pa.

Supper is all cold.

Chicken is all burnt.

All spoiled.

Well, dad-burnit, I told you I was sorry, Hop Sing.

Dad-burn, you sorry, huh?

Well, what did keep you?

Well, reckon I just sort of

grew a little dreamy out on the trail, Pa.

You know, you've got kind of a funny look on your face.

You look kind of like you're in love or something.

Maybe I am.

Well, who's the girl?

I didn't say nothing about no woman.

I mean, you can fall in love with other things besides women.

Yeah? Like what?

Well, like... like...

You remember that saddle you was attached to?

There wasn't no way nobody could separate you from it.

You in love with a saddle?

Oh, no, Pa, I ain't in love with a saddle.

It's just...

It's hard to explain, Pa.

Maybe...

maybe someday I can tell you about it.

Hoss, this is your brother.

I am your father.

Do you think you might be able to confide in us?

Oh, Pa, it ain't that I don't trust you,

it's just that... well, most folks

just don't understand things like this, that's all.

Things like what?

Things like being able to read the future and...

and know what's gonna happen.

And... and things like talent

and-and things like...

...genius and such stuff as that.

Well, I, uh...

I admit it's very difficult to, uh...

to look into the future and foretell what's going to happen.

And I don't think we've had too much contact

with genius around here.

Maybe you have, Pa...

just didn't know it.

Joe!

Yeah, Pa.

Seen Hoss?

Uh, no, I haven't seen him this morning.

Huh. Funny.

Been looking all over for him; can't find him.

Hop Sing said he didn't eat breakfast this morning.

Boy, I hope he's not in any trouble.

Well, it's not like him to keep things from you.

Hank?

Yes, sir.

Hank, you seen Hoss around?

Not since early this morning.

Oh. Where was he then?

Well, he came out to the barn about sunup,

saddled his horse, and he was, uh...

he was carrying a funny-looking case.

And I asked him what was in it and he got mad.

Oh? What did he do then?

Well, rode off toward the hills.

He seemed in a mighty big hurry.

Joe, we're going after Hoss.

Hank, uh, saddle up the horses, will you?

Yes, sir.

They're Chub's tracks all right.

Yeah.

What would Hoss be doing up here?

Beats the heck out of me.

Did you ever hear an animal make a sound like that?

Awounded mountain lion.

Maybe.

Whatever it is, I hope it hasn't hurt Hoss.

You should go on ahead.

Yeah.

♪♪

Oh, no!

Joe! Joe! Joe!

Hey! Shh! Joe!

Oh, you!

Joe! Joe!

Joe, stop that.

Shh!

Oh, Hoss!

Hoss?

Hoss? Uh...

Oh, come on.

He's mad.

He's mad... Hoss!

That's... He's mad.

Hoss?

Come on now, open up.

We know you're in there.

We're sorry for what happened.

Hey, I'm sorry, Hoss.

Now, come on, be a good sport and open up, will you?

Hoss, we were...

we were very surprised at, uh, how you played.

Well, like I was saying, Joe and I were,

were very surprised.

May, uh, may we come in for...

just a minute?

Just for a minute.

I'm pretty busy, Pa.

Uh, where's the fiddle?

It ain't no fiddle.

It's a Stradivarius.

A Stradi-what?

A Stradivarius.

Now, what in the heck is that?

What's a Stradivarius?

Why, it's...

Why, it's, uh...

Well, see, there was this famous

old violin-maker named Stradi,

and he made various violins

and that's one of them.

It's a very valuable, rare old violin

given to me by a great maestro.

Oh, you got to be kidding.

I ain't kidding!

And the reason he gave it to me is

because I'm gonna be a great maestro, too.

Now, what do you think of that?

Hoss, we'd better, uh, start right at the very beginning.

Well, see...

There was this Gypsy, see?

Oh, no.

Pa, if you want to hear the rest of this story,

you tell him to keep his mouth shut.

Joseph, will you please be quiet?

Yes, sir.

Go ahead, Hoss.

Well, anyhow.

Her wagon was busted, see?

So, you fixed her wagon.

I fixed her wagon.

And then

she wanted to read my palm.

And I let her.

That's when she seen this marking right here.

See that little mark right there? Mm-hmm.

That means, Pa...

that I'm a musical genius.

I see.

And, uh... well...

how'd you come by the violin?

Well, see there's...

there was this great maestro.

And he had the same markings in his hand that I got here.

Mm-hmm. And he gave her the violin,

and he told her that she should give it to another great maestro

when and if she ever run across a feller with the same markings.

And I got them right there.

Hmm.

She just gave it to you?

That's right.

Didn't cost you anything?

Didn't cost you a-a cent?

She just gave you the thing absolutely,

and it didn't cost you...

Uh, Pa, she had borrowed a little money against it,

and I... well, I figured the least I could do

was help her out a little bit.

How much?

Well, Pa, I just don't remember...

How much?

Well, in round figures

$178.50.

For an old fiddle?!

It ain't no fiddle!

It's a Stradivarius!

All right, all right, Hoss, all right.

Now, now, what was the name of...?

Hold on.

Those horses that you sold.

How much did you get for them?

Pa, I just don't remember...

How much?

$178.50 Mm.

Well, you got taken by a con artist.

Pa, I'm gonna bash...

Now, all right. Just be quiet.

Now, what was the name of the Gypsy?

Her name was Madame Marova.

And she could look into the future.

And she told me that I was gonna play a concert

before kings and queens.

And my picture was gonna be in all the newspapers.

And I was gonna be world famous and...

and they'd call me Maestro Hoss.

"Maestro Hoss"?

Joe.

Oh, boy, Joe!

You gonna get it! Now, no, no.

Will you be quiet. Just a minute. Maestro Hoss.

Be quiet. Come on, now, please.

Will you?

Will you be quiet?

Hoss, son, look.

Uh, f-forget the money.

It's unimportant.

And-and forget about the fact

that you might've been taken in.

Everybody's taken in

o-once at least in his lifetime, but...

The important thing right now is to look

at this matter straight on.

Son?

You have many talents.

There are many things which you do extraordinarily well.

As a matter of fact I might even say

that you're, you're a genius in.

But you cannot play the fiddle.

Pa, you and Joseph will have to go now.

I have to practice. No, no...

Now, mind you, I don't hold it against you.

I mean all geniuses have been misunderstood by their...

It's not a question of misunderstanding, Hoss...

Pa, Pa, please.

Please, just go.

Mr. Hoss?

You make the music of a paradise.

You great musician.

Dad-burnit, Hop Sing, it's obvious

you got a good ear for music.

Sit down and sit a spell.

Thank you. Yeah.

Go rest.

I know how you feel.

Even the hens stopped laying.

Just like old China.

We've got to do something about that.

Joseph, we've got to do something about that.

We got to find the Gypsy woman.

She's the only one who can make him stop playing that fiddle!

Do you understand? We've got to find her.

How we, how we gonna find her?

She's long gone by now.

Well, we'll have to go talk to Roy Coffee.

He's got to know where she is!

Do you understand? Now saddle up!

We're going to town!

Hey, Roy.

Howdy, Ben.

Listen, have you heard of a Madame Marova in town?

I might've.

Then again, I might not have.

She's a Gypsy fortune-teller.

Yeah, she sold Hoss a violin. Yeah.

What are you, music haters?

Now, look, we got to find her because she talked Hoss

into playing the violin. Now, we're gonna try to...

Your Madame Marova kind of gets around.

She's wanted in three states for bunco games.

Come here, I'll show you something.

There's your Madame Marova.

I caught her hightailing it through town,

endangering the public safety.

I don't know these men.

Well, ma'am, you may not know us,

but, uh, you sure know my son.

Maestro Hoss.

Oh, you are his father.

How nice to make your acquaintance.

Madame Marova?

You swindled my son Hoss out of $178.50.

You sold him a worthless old fiddle,

which he thinks is valuable.

Now that's fraud.

And if I bring charges against you,

why, I can put you away for a long time.

It is a Stradivarius.

The name is clearly printed on it.

Yeah, but... Perhaps it's not real.

Besides I didn't sell it to him, I gave it to him.

That's right, ma'am.

You gave it to him and he gave you $178.

Yes. Wasn't that nice?

You see, I'm a very poor woman,

and I needed the money badly.

Well, look, let-let's forget

about the money part of it.

The point is that he is playing

that fiddle day and night.

And he is driving everybody crazy.

Yes, that's the way of the genius.

They rehearse all the time.

He's not a genius. You know he's not a genius.

I know... You-you told him he's a genius!

So he thinks he's one.

All right.

Let's talk about money.

Now, how-how'd you like to make...

$200?

I would like to.

Well, then, come right out to the ranch then,

and get that fiddle away from him!

I would love to.

But as you can see, I'm in jail.

Roy, how about it?

Well, Ben, uh, seeing as I know you,

and seeing as you got the problem that you got,

I'd let her go with you even if she was Billy the Kid.

Sure doesn't look like Billy the Kid, Roy.

Joseph, you get Madame Marova's rig

and drive outwith her.

When my brother Hoss first talked about you,

I, uh, kind of pictured you as being old and fat.

I'd say I don't believe in fortunetelling,

but I can see why he was taken in.

Why do they call you Little Joe?

You are not little.

Well, I'm the youngest.

My brother Hoss is the biggest, so...

You come from a very remarkable family.

But you,

you are the most remarkable of all of them.

Well, I-I wouldn't exactly say that.

There'll be many beautiful ladies in your life.

Really?

One of these women is going to be very rich.

And you are going to travel with her all around the world.

Something-something which...

causes me not to see

how you and she are going to meet.

Whoa, whoa.

What do you suppose it is?

For this, I need my crystal ball.

C-Crystal ball?

W-Where is it?

In the back of the wagon.

C-Crystal ball. It's in...

I-I-I'll get it.

Of course, I don't believe in this.

I'll go along with it, but I'll get the...

Well, you finally decided to come home.

What took you so long?

G-Good night, Pa.

Wait a minute.

What do you mean, "Good night, Pa".

Well, it's-it's getting late.

I know it's late.

Where's that woman

that-that's supposed to be with you?

That woman, where is she?

She, uh...

She rode off in her wagon.

She rode off in her wagon?

Yeah. And, uh,

what were you doing

while she was riding off in the wagon?

Well, see, I-I got out of the wagon to get something

and... she rode off. Wait a minute, wait a minute,

wait a minute.

What did you get out of the wagon to get?

The, uh, one of those, uh,

crys-crystal balls.

It's 2:00, Pa.

Don't you think we ought to go to bed?

How do you propose we get to sleep?

Oh, yeah.

Well, maybe he's gettin' the hang of it.

I think that's "Home, Sweet Home."

Beautiful.

Just beautiful.

What's that?

It sounds like silence.

He's fallen asleep.

Now... now, we'll go up to bed now,

but don't make any noise.

Don't wake him up.

Just like old China.

Hey, where are you going?

I'm going to get some sleep.

Sleep.

Come on.

Morning, Hank. Morning, Sheriff.

Is Ben around?

Yeah, he's in the barn.

Thanks. Come here.

Hey!

Sleepin' a little overtime, ain't you?

Hey, you got a real nice new bedroom here, Ben.

What you doing? Hey, boy!

Hmm?! Hmm? Oh,

I just came out to see how you boys

is getting along with Madame Marova.

Now, don't tell me.

Just see if I can figure it out for myself.

You two are sleeping out here in the barn,

so Hoss must still be playing that fiddle.

And then you paid that Gypsy woman

to try to talk him out of playing it,

but it didn't work.

And when I come in, I didn't see her wagon out there nowhere,

so just maybe she didn't get here.

Roy, you, uh,

you're a marvelous detective.

You-you ought to try running for sheriff sometime.

We'll find that woman if it's the last thing we do.

It just seems to me that the last I saw,

Little Joe had the madame in his custody.

What about that, boy?

You're right.

You're right, Roy. It was my fault.

I let her make a fool out of me.

Ben, let me ask you something.

I and you and Little Joe and Hess,

you figure we're kind of the same kind of folks?

Mm-hmm, I think so.

Well, Madame Marova figured the same thing,

and she took me for better

than a hundred dollars in a poker game.

Now, I wouldn't have that female in my jail again

if you give me the whole Ponderosa!

She took you for a hundred dollars?

Roy, we are the same kind of folks.

What's that?

What do you think it is?

Hoss.

Well, Ben, if it was me,

I'd, uh, I think I'd get him a teacher.

There's a new one in town,

a Miss Dorothy Hibbs.

A violin teacher?

Yeah, she teaches the violin and piano.

You know, that's not a bad idea, Pa.

Hmm?

Except ever since we laughed at him,

he won't play for anybody except Hop Sing.

Well, there must be some way to do it.

Must be.

Oh, sure, you just take him into that Miss Hibbs,

let her hear him,

she tells him he's awful, he's bound to quit.

Oh, he-he's not going to go into town

and play for somebody in town.

He won't play for anybody here except Hop Sing.

Hey, if I went into town

and talked her into coming out here to listen to him,

maybe, uh, maybe you could talk Hoss into playing for her.

Hmm?

There, now don't you feel better?

I told you even geniuses have to eat.

Well, you know, Pa and I are really surprised

at the improvement you've made just practicing on your own.

Already you're playing "Home, Sweet Home."

Yeah.

Hey, uh, do you like it?

Doesn't everybody?

Yeah, well, Hop Sing sure does.

Well, there-there you are.

I mean, who's got a better ear than Hop Sing?

Yeah.

Of course, it's just-just a shame

they don't play those kind of tunes in concerts.

They play those real complicated ones.

Well, don't you reckon I know that?

Well, sure, I know you know.

But tunes like that, you'd have to have a teacher.

Well, I-I reckon even a genius

could use a teacher.

Hey, you know, I'm glad you said that,

'cause Pa went in town to get you one.

Now wait a minute, dad-burn it,

I'll pick my own teacher.

Oh, look, look, we're not forcing her on you.

We just thought we'd bring her out here

and let you size her up.

Might not be a bad time to give your first concert.

How do you mean?

Well, you know, a regular performance.

Dress you up, everything.

She's bound to see you're a genius then.

Do you reckon?

Sure, sure.

We'll put on a real concert, invite some of the hands.

You know, they're dying to hear you close up.

Yeah, I reckon word does get around, don't it?

Oh, does it?

Hey, what would I wear?

Wear? Oh, you know what to wear?

Pa's dress suit.

Dad-burn, Joe, that's perfect.

That's perfect.

You sure know a lot about this being a maestro, don't you?

Yeah.

Been reading up on it for you.

Yeah.

Dad-burn, just imagine.

Just like Madame Marova said,

a concert my first week.

Where you going?

I'll be in my dressing room.

Miss Hibbs, I-I want to thank you very much

for cancelling all your appointments

on such short notice to make this trip.

Oh, I haven't been in town long enough

to have very many appointments.

Well, just the same, thank you.

Besides, it gives me an opportunity

to see the Ponderosa, which I've heard so much about.

Has your son studied the violin very long?

Uh...

Well, no, no, he's, uh, he's just a beginner.

And already you're thinking of a teacher for him.

How very nice.

Well, actually what-what we're...

what I'm looking for is, uh,

an honest appraisal of his talents, his abilities,

and please, don't hesitate to tell the truth.

Oh, I always do, Mr. Cartwright.

I feel it's better to disappoint than falsely encourage.

Absolutely.

I always tell the truth, Mr. Cartwright.

That's all I ask.

That's all I ask, Miss Hibbs, thank you.

Welcome, Missy Hibbs.

This way.

Oh, my, what a lovely setting.

The seat of honor.

Oh, thank you.

You must be very proud of your son, Mr. Cartwright.

Mr. Cartwright?

I'm a. am?

You must be very proud of your son.

Oh, yes, yes, yes, indeed, I...

I am very proud of him indeed.

I must, uh... I must go find him.

Of course. Uh...

Oh, Joseph.

Hey, did the music teacher get here all right?

Yeah, she's downstairs. What's going on down there?

We're gonna have a concert. It's the only...

A what? It's the only way I could talk him

into playing for the music teacher.

Who's going to be at the concert?

Look, don't worry. Just get downstairs.

The show's gonna start.

Maestro?

Showtime.

Take your place.

You know what to do.

Come on, boys. Snap it up.

Clap a little bit. Smile.

That's good.

Come on, boys. Take your place.

Come in.

Oh, would you come...

Now, remember, no matter what-- I don't care how bad it sounds--

Clap as though it's the greatest.

I can't hear you. I got cotton in my ears.

Oh, brother.

I said clap no matter how bad it is.

And will you take that silly look off your face?

You want to get us fired?

Lady and gentlemen,

it gives me great pleasure and honor

to present, in his premiere performance,

a true violin virtuoso,

my own brother...

Maestro Hoss.

All right, let's hear it for him.

A little nervous-- first time out.

Maestro Hoss.

Come on, Hoss. Come on.

My, he's big.

Yes, he's, uh... he's...

Big and handsome.

Yes, he is.

I do admire big men.

Go get 'em.

Did you have to give him one of my best coats to wear?

He's gonna bust right out of it.

Oh... bravo!

Bravo, Mr. Hoss.

Bravo.

It's just like old China.

I do want to thank you for a wonderful evening.

You do have great talent.

Ah, it was nothing.

Oh, but it was, Hoss, really.

Of course, even a great talent needs help--

Um, instruction and practice.

You need about three lessons a week.

Four would be even better.

I'm usually free in the evenings.

You'd be amazed at the difference

that a couple of years of practice will make.

Well, I... I certainly thank you, Miss Hibbs.

Dorothy.

Dorothy.

Did she say a couple of years?

Yeah. Oh, my.

How could anything go so wrong?

It's my fault.

Gypsy woman talked him into thinking he's a genius.

She's the only one that can talk him out of it.

Oh, I'd love to get my hands on her just once.

Just once.

Yeah, well, I'm going to.

I'm going to go out and find her.

She's got your $200-- she owes you this one.

Joe, the morning is good enough.

You wouldn't believe this, mister, but I...

I believe it, I believe it.

Which way was she going when you saw her last?

Right. Thanks.

Madame Marova, what a small world.

Mr. Little Joe Cartwright.

You want me to tell your future?

Oh, no, no, thank you.

I, uh... I have a feeling

your crystal ball isn't working today.

Otherwise, you'd have been long gone by now.

Well, even crystal balls can make little mistakes.

What do you want with me?

I want you to come back to the Ponderosa

and do what we paid you to do.

I want you to talk my brother Hoss

out of torturing that violin-- not to mention my pa and me.

And what if I refuse?

Oh, I don't think you're gonna refuse, ma'am.

Now, see, I, uh... I met the man you conned out of that horse.

See, now, conning and stealing are the same thing.

So you stole that horse.

In this part of the country, we hang horse thieves.

Shall we go?

Anything you say, ma'am.

Mm-hmm. Yes.

That's exactly what my crystal ball told me.

That's why I had to come back.

You see, I made a mistake.

What kind of mistake?

You see that line here?

It made a star-- at least I thought it made a star.

But it's not here anymore.

You know, you're right.

I must have marked my hand

when I picked up the axle to your carriage,

and now it's gone.

That's exactly what my crystal ball told me.

Oh.

I ain't no musical genius after all, am I?

Oh, yes, you are a genius,

except your hands, just like your talents,

are too big for the violin.

Here is your money.

I must ask you to give me back my Stradivarius.

You see, I promised the maestro

I only give it to a violin genius.

You understand.

Oh, sure, Madame Marova.

And... I gave my word for the maestro,

and I always keep my word.

I wouldn't have it no other way.

I thank you for coming back.

I'll, uh, show you to your carriage.

Pa, I'm... I'm gonna take a little ride.

I'll see you all later.

Sound like old Ponderosa.

Oh, it's going to feel great

sleeping in my own bed tonight. Where Mr. Hoss?

Oh, he'll be along in a little while.

Let's eat, Hop Sing. Come on.

Nobody eat till Mr. Hoss get here.

Oh, Hop Sing...

That must be him now.

About time. I thought he was going out

for a short little ride.

Hop Sing.

Oh---...

Presente.

Thank you.

You know...

Madame Marova was right.

My genius, like my hands, are just...

too large for a violin.

Hop Sing, me and you are gonna make beautiful music together.

And a one, and a two, and a three.

Just like old China.

This has been a color production

of the NBC Television Network.