Original subtitles

The following program

is brought to you in living color on NBC.

On behalf of the citizenry of Virginia City,

as unaccustomed as I am...

You got that speech learned?

Oh, got it down pat.

On behalf of the citizens of this great city...

Hey, here she comes.

Whoa!

Hiya, boys.

Miss Bantree... uh...

Uh... Dolly, uh...

Here, Hoss.

Well, uh...

well, what, uh, what he's trying to say, ma'am, is that, well...

...is that, well, what we're all trying to say is that,

that we're just mighty happy to have you here, ma'am.

Thank you.

Thank you, each and every one of you.

I have enjoyed western hospitality

in every city, town and mining camp

from Furnace Creek to Carson City,

but never have I had such a warm

and touching

and beautiful welcome

as I have received here in Virginia City today.

Well, thank you, ma'am.

Blackie?

Mr. Welles, my manager.

Mr. Welles, Roy Coffee's my name.

Mighty glad to know you. How do you do?

This is Hoss Cartwright. Hi.

Little Joe Cartwright. Hi, how are you? Joe.

And Mr. Searcy, the hotel man.

A splendid, splendid reception.

But I do have, uh, one slight problem.

Miss Bantree's luggage.

Oh, that-that's no problem at all.

Hoss here is one of Miss Bantree's greatest admirers,

and he would be more than happy to render his services.

Yes'm, I... I sure would.

Thank you.

Thank you again.

And I'll see all you boys tonight

at the Gilded Lily.

M-Miss Bantree's luggage there.

Go get 'em, admirer.

The Songbird of the West.

Must have a bunch of them little old skinny dresses

to fill up all them bags.

Each performance a matchless miracle

of tantalizing, captivating artistry.

Better get your tickets early, boys,

they're gonna go like hotcakes.

Lev and Buford Buckalew.

Oh, boy, the Buckalew brothers.

Start tying everything down.

You know, I wonder if I ought to lock them fellas up now

or wait till the trouble starts.

Well, now, that's up to you, Roy.

Last time you did it,

they stole the cell.

Hoss Cartwright!

You ol' Sidewinder, you!

What a pleasure to see you...!

Hey, Joe!

Hiya, Hoss! Hi, Lev!

How's the world treating you?

Well!

Me and Lev come to town to celebrate.

I mean to...

tell you we gonna throw the wing-dinging-est,

whoop and hoolering-est,

fall-down Waller Virginia City ever seen.

Yeah, well, wh-what's this all about?

Oh, me and Buford hit it rich.

Is that right?

And I mean rich.

After all these here sorry years

of jackass single-blanket prospecting,

me and Lev done struck it rich.

Silver-- a whole mountain of it.

Hey, you're sure?

Well, the Henshaw Mining Company sure is sure.

Gave us $50,000 cash for our claim

and five percent of the royalties over that,

as long as the claim holds out.

Congratulations.

Doggone it, congratulations, boys.

Congratulations. Thank you.

Gentlemen, I'm Blackie Welles.

I want to be one the first to congratulate the lucky pair.

And I also want to invite all of you

to see Dolly Bantree's opening performance here tonight,

as my guests.

Dolly who?

Why, Miss Dolly Bantree.

The Songbird of the West.

Oh, no.

No women for us.

No.

Every time me and Buford gets mixed up

with a woman, it ends up nothing but trouble.

Women's nothing but poison to us, ain't that right, Buford?

Yes, sir,

Buford and me's give up women for life.

I just told them we're through with women for life.

Ain't that right, Buford?

Buford?

Oh, Buford.

♪ If your foot is pretty, show it ♪

♪ No matter where or when ♪

♪ Let all fair maidens know it ♪

♪ The foot takes all the men ♪

♪ The face, so fair and lovely ♪

♪ May charm the gazer's eye ♪

♪ But if the foot is homely ♪

♪ He'll quickly pass her by ♪

♪ He'll quickly, he'll quickly ♪

♪ He'll quickly pass her by ♪

♪ If your foot is pretty, show it ♪

♪ When you trip along the street ♪

♪ For it will catch the eager eye ♪

♪ Of every man you meet ♪

♪ Don't toss your glossy ringlets ♪

♪ Nor pout your lips so sweet ♪

♪ But gently lift your petticoats ♪

♪ And show your handsome feet ♪

♪ And show, and show ♪

♪ And show your handsome feet! ♪

Gentlemen!

Hey, gentlemen!

Hey!

That's only the beginning.

Dolly will be right back.

I'll let you in on a little secret.

The next number's even better.

So is the costume.

I seen the sun settin' on a painted desert,

and I thought that was beautiful.

I seen a mother doe and her two newborn baby fawns stop

to drink at a waterfall,

under a full moon in a pine forest,

and I thought that was beautiful.

And I seen a tri-colored Shanghai rooster a-standin'

in a field of blooming clover, crowin' at a rainbow,

and I thought that was beautiful.

But I'll tell you,

I never knowed what beautiful was till today.

That's kind of pretty, Buford.

Almost... almost like poetry.

Oh, yeah.

Somebody oughta just foller him around,

write 'em down, every time he opens his mouth.

Well, I'll tell you one thing.

She's everything you said about her.

Dolly Bantree.

Ain't that the most beautiful name you ever heared?

Dolly, look,

just don't give me any more arguments, you understand?

I've got troubles enough.

I know all about your troubles.

And I've tried to help.

You can't deny that.

I've done my best.

But not this time, Blackie.

Not a smelly old desert rat.

I won't do it.

That smelly old desert rat, as you call him,

has got 25,000 cash in the bank.

Do you hear me?

25,000 hot restless dollars,

just itching to get away from him.

Now do you think I'm gonna let you

make me miss a chance like that?

Please, you're hurting me.

I'm gonna hurt you a lot more,

unless you get out there and make him feel like a colt.

You're gonna make him want to romp and play

and start writing checks.

All right, Blackie.

But this is the last time.

Mm-hmm.

Just, uh, get out there and do it.

♪ Alouette ♪

♪ Gentille alouette ♪

♪ Alouette ♪

♪ Je te plumerai ♪

♪ Je te plumerai la dos... ♪

♪ Je te plumerai la dos ♪

♪ Et le dos ♪ ♪ Et le dos ♪

♪ Et la bec ♪ ♪ Et la bec ♪

♪ Et la téte ♪ ♪ Et la téte ♪

♪ Je te alouette. ♪

♪ Oh, dear ♪

♪ What can the matter be? ♪

♪ Dear, dear ♪

♪ What can the matter be? ♪

♪ Oh, dear ♪

♪ What can the matter be? ♪

♪ Johnny's so long at the fair ♪

♪ He promised he'd buy me ♪

♪ A fairing should please me ♪

♪ And then for a kiss ♪

♪ Oh, he vowed he would tease me ♪

♪ He promised he'd buy me ♪

♪ A bunch of blue ribbons ♪

♪ To tie up my bonny blonde hair... ♪

♪ Oh, dear ♪

♪ What can the matter be? ♪

♪ Dear, dear ♪

♪ What can the matter be? ♪

♪ Oh, dear ♪

♪ What can the matter be? ♪

♪ Johnny's so long... ♪

♪ At the fair. ♪

Maybe we could have a little supper together

after the show, handsome?

Get a little better acquainted?

Yes, ma'am, that'd pleasure me greatly.

See that, Hoss?

She's stuck on me.

Oh, Buford,

if gunpowder was brains,

you wouldn't have enough to blow your hat off.

Dad-burnit, Pa.

How can you say there wasn't nothin' to it?

You seen it with your own eyes, didn't you?

You got to admit, she wa... she was

kind of playing up to Buford.

Yeah, and then askin' him

to walk her down to the hotel afterwards.

Can you imagine that?

Buford Buckalew.

Hoss, sounds to me you might be just a little jealous of Buford.

Oh, Pa, me jealous of Buford?

Yeah, you jealous of Buford.

Well, I'm just a little mystified, that's all.

What, by what Buford has that you haven't?

Go ahead, go ahead and joke about it.

Big laugh.

Got to admit, it's a little bit strange.

Well, I think Miss Bantree

was probably having a little bit of fun--

Pass the butter, please--

Having a little bit of fun with Buford and...

Oh, he enjoyed it.

He got a big thrill out of it.

Mm, she didn't look like she was joking to me, Pa.

And if she was, she's making a big mistake,

'cause I guarantee you Buford's dead serious.

I wouldn't lose any sleep over it.

You know, I was just thinking about what you were saying

about Buford having something that Hoss doesn't have.

What's that?

A half share of $50,000.

You know, it just could be

Miss Bantree's just after his money.

Joseph...

you have an evil mind.

Miss Bantree's not that kind of woman.

She's a...

she's a lady of the first degree.

Well, Hoss, you know,

if, uh, if Miss Bantree

wasn't having fun with Buford

and isn't after his money,

do you realize there's only one possibility left?

What's that?

That Buford's right.

She's stuck on him.

Yeah.

Howdy, Lev.

Where's that Casanova brother of yours?

Inside, a-casanovin'.

Two hundred.

All right.

I'll see that...

...and I'll, uh, top you.

Two pair, kings over tens.

I'm afraid it's not quite good enough, Buford.

I've got three shiny jacks.

Aw...

So there's that sneaky,

connivin' Jack of Hearts.

Where was you last time when I needed you,

you no-good, bushwhackin', blanket-stealing,

claim-jumpin' polecat!

Hey! Hoss Cartwright!

Ah, you old mule-swamper, you.

Howdy, Buford. What're you drinkin'?

How much you winnin' over there, Buford?

Oh, Blackie's a little ahead, but I'll-I'll peel him yet.

I'll get some more ready cash

and we're gonna go at it again this evening.

Sure you will.

I got a charge account at the bank.

Now, Buford, honey, don't you forget

you're going to escort me to work this evening.

Blood poison, abscessed teeth and boils

wouldn't keep me away.

Oh, Buford,

you say the sweetest things.

Ain't she some pumpkin?

Hey, Lev, come on in and buy us a beer!

What?

Why, you come in here this morning with over $2,500.

You mean you lost all of that?

Lost it, nothin'.

Hoss, I'm gonna show you something

that'll scald your eyeballs.

Little, uh, surprise I got for Dolly.

I'm gonna give it to her this evening.

Yeah, them's real diamonds.

That there was made up special in Paris, France.

Ain't another like it in the whole world.

Where'd you get a gee-gaw like that?

I bought it off of Blackie Welles for only $2,000.

Two thousand dollars!

Yeah, just like stealin'.

Now buy us that drink.

Three beers. Whiskey.

Buford...

what was Blackie Welles doing

with a diamond necklace like that?

Oh, he had it made up

for a girlfriend of his in San Francisco.

And when he come back from Europe,

he found out she'd throwed him over for another feller,

so he was stuck with this here necklace.

Well...

Blackie's loss is Dolly's gain.

That figures.

Buford...

$2,000 is a powerful lot of money

to be spendin' on just a casual acquaintance.

A fella hits it big,

he kind of relishes spendin' money.

'Sides, this here ain't what I'd call "casual."

Oh, now, come on, Buford.

Use your head.

You think anything really serious

is gonna come of you and...

and the likes of Miss Dolly Bantree?

Why not?

What's wrong with her?!

Buford, Buford, there ain't nothin' wrong with her.

Dad-burnit, I admire her as much as any man, you know that.

It ain't her, Buford.

It's you.

Well, then...

what's wrong with me?!

Buford, Buford, there ain't nothin wrong with you.

It's just that, well,

you just ain't the type

for an elegant lady like Dolly Bantree.

Now, that ought to tell you something.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Tells me one of us is so jealous

he's just chokin' up on it.

I don't blame you, Hoss.

No hard feelings.

You know, Lev...

I don't like to talk about a man I don't know,

but there's something,

just something about that Blackie Welles

that I don't like.

I feel the same way, only a little stronger.

Yeah?

But it's hard to believe

that a lady as pretty as that Dolly Bantree

could be mixed up in something crooked, ain't it?

Hoss...

You know a beavertail cactus

has got about the purtiest,

most innocent-Iookin' bloom

of any flower that grows.

Did you ever brush up against one?

Yeah.

Blackie?

I can't find that necklace that you bought me in Chicago.

Oh, you'll, uh...

you'll get that back this evening.

A, uh...

...surprise from your Romeo.

You didn't.

You took advantage of that poor, innocent man?

You know, Blackie, sometimes I think

you'd pick the pocket of a corpse.

Well, you ought to be glad I did it,

instead of making a fuss about it.

Look...

$2,000, baby.

When this gets to San Francisco, we'll be free and clear.

So far as I am concerned,

we are free and clear right now.

Baby... what are you saying?

You thought you were king of the poker players.

You had to buck the big game in San Francisco.

Gonna make a fortune.

Put us on Nob Hill with all the swells.

So what happens?

You lose all your money,

all of my money

and $15,000 more.

Ancient history.

What's that got to do with anything?

A lot, Blackie!

You told me they'd kill you if you didn't pay off.

Yeah, and I told you true.

Half the bodies they fish out of that bar

are men last seen playing in a big game,

losers who couldn't pay.

All right, all right.

I went along with you.

It made me feel cheap and mean and dirty,

but I helped you get the $15,000.

But that's all behind us, Blackie,

and I am not going to do it anymore.

Oh.

All right, baby.

I'll, uh... I'll tell you what.

This will be the last one.

We get Buford's money... and then we stop.

No! We will stop right now!

Oh, please, Blackie.

Maybe we can't go back to what we were, because...

because, well, we're-we're different people now,

but we could at least try.

Dolly, don't ever forget--

Everything that I've ever been involved in,

you've been involved in.

So if you start acting up,

I won't be the only one in trouble.

I'll turn on you, baby.

Quick.

You'd do that?

If I have to.

But I won't have to, will I?

Because you're gonna help me.

Aren't you, baby?

I'm going to help you.

That's my Dolly.

Anything good in the paper?

Hmm.

Supper on table!

Is time you get here!

Where's Mr. Hoss?

Upstairs, I guess.

Oh, maybe so Mr. Hoss sick?

Not come to supper?

Well, he came in about an hour ago.

He was carrying a box almost as big as he was.

I was wondering what was in it.

Why don't you go ask him?

Yeah, well, I-I did ask him, Pa,

but he wouldn't tell me, so I'm-I'm wondering.

Would you like to read the paper?

Hmm? Yeah.

Yeah, thank you.

Would you look at this...

I'm sorry...

Hop Sing is right.

Mr. Hoss is very sick.

A man goes out and buys some new clothes

and that's a reason for staring, huh?

Oh! Oh...

You, uh, join the circus?

Oh, no.

This suit is too loud for circus.

It's no good for work, either.

Joe, this is not a work suit.

Oh.

The clerk at the store told me

this is the kind of suit that a man in society wears.

Yeah, well, maybe a high-rolling gambling man.

Yeah?

Does it really, Pa? Yeah.

'Cause if it does, that's just the outfit I'm after.

Hoss, what do you mean? What are you up to?

Well, Joe thinks that... that Miss Dolly and Blackie

are just after Buford's money,

And... and I aim to find out whether or not that's a fact.

Well, you come to supper now.

I'm having supper in town with a lady, Hop Sing.

High-rolling gambling man.

Looks like a casino.

Evenin', Miss Dolly.

I come to escort you to the Gilded Lily.

Come in, Buford.

I brung you some...

Uh... what...

Oh, they're from an old friend of yours, that darling Mister...

Hoss Cartwright!

Why, hi, there, Buford.

Oh! My, that's a pretty little

bouquet of roses you got there.

What are you doing here,

you double-timin', back-stabbin'...

Well, I, uh,

I was just having a little bite to eat here

with Blackie and Miss Dolly.

We had antelope steaks and champagne.

Hoss, was just telling us about the Ponderosa.

Yes, um...

cattle and, uh, timber and-and horses.

And a two-legged,

soft-soapin', fork-tongued varmint

that's supposed to be a friend of mine.

It's the, uh,

the biggest ranch I ever heard of.

Yes.

There's still some of your fine champagne left,

Mr. Cartwright, let me fill your glass.

By all means, Blackie.

If you'll pour a glass for my friend here, Buford, too.

I can buy my own!

If Miss Dolly likes that stuff,

I'll buy her a wagon full.

Yeah, as a matter of fact, Buford...

we were talking about that exact thing

when you walked in the door.

You know, I mean, after you and old Lev found

that little piddly silver mine up there,

I got to thinking--

A man can have a lot of fun with his money

instead of just leaving it around a bank

to collect dust and interest.

I mean, after watching you boys run and play and...

hoot and holler, I decided I'd do me a little of it myself.

Hoss Cartwright? I'm gonna climb you like a tree!

I'm gonna hammer that head of yours to a point!

Now, Buford, Buford, you're... Then I'm gonna upend you!

You're not going to make a fuss!

I'm gonna drive you in the ground like a stake!

You're too much of a gentleman, Buford.

"A gentleman."

You hear that?

Well, I-I think it's time to go.

Yes, ma'am.

Excuse me.

Well, just a gol-dang minute.

I asked her first!

That's right, Buford.

But I got here first.

With the most.

And that's the way it goes, Buford.

"Them that has, gets."

Sorry.

Good night, Buford.

Dolly.

Don't you ever knock?

Look, I, um...

I want you to forget Buford.

That Cartwright was telling the truth.

I want you to go after him.

No, Blackie, please, please.

He's... he's such a nice man.

Uh-huh.

The Ponderosa is even bigger than he said it was.

Cattle they can't even count...

horses...

timber enough to build a dozen cities.

I won't do it.

Baby...

you're not listening.

The Ponderosa's richer than the Comstock ever was.

Now you're gonna help me take him.

Or I'm going to spoil that pretty face of yours.

For good.

Now, get out there.

♪ As the black bird in the spring ♪

♪ 'Neath the willow tree ♪

♪ Sat and piped ♪

♪ I heard him sing ♪

♪ Sing of Aura Lee ♪

♪ Aura Lee, Aura Lee ♪

♪ Maid of golden hair ♪

♪ Sunshine came along ♪

♪ With thee ♪

♪ And swallows ♪

♪ In the air ♪

♪ On her cheek, the rose was born ♪

♪ 'Twas music when she spake ♪

♪ In her eyes, the rays of mom ♪

♪ With sudden splendor ♪

♪ Break ♪

♪ Aura Lee, Aura Lee ♪

♪ Maid of golden hair ♪

♪ Sunshine came ♪

♪ Along with thee ♪

♪ And swallows ♪

♪ In the air. ♪

I'll kill him. I'll kill him!

Now, Buford! Buford!

Out of my way, Lev! Buford!

I'll tear his arms off and kill him!

Buford, you're a gentleman, remember?

Miss Dolly said... I'm gonna kill you!

Oh, Buford! Buford!

Dad-burnit! Now, listen to me.

Let go of me, Hoss!

Excuse me, gentlemen.

Fight like a man! Chicken-livered,

mold-hearted, sissy! Oh, Buford...

Aah!

♪♪

Buford! Buford! Wait a minute-- wait, Buford!

Wait a minute! Wait...!

What are you doing?

Wait a minute!

Dad-burnit, Buford!

Lev, now you sit up here and mind your own business

and just take care of yourself.

Now, dad-burnit, Lev, he's making me mad.

He's his own worst enemy.

Don't hurt him!

Now, what do you men think you're doing?

Why, hi, Roy.

Why, we were just having a little discussion and...

Well, if there's anybody here that don't want to spend

the next couple of days in jail,

he better sit right down and pacify hisself.

Buford Buckalew...

and Lev Buckalew.

Evening, Sheriff.

If you gentlemen will join me,

I'll take you into protective custody.

Now come on and...

Protect me from what?

From yourselves! Now, come on!

I've got that jail cell of yours all fixed and ready.

You'll feel right at home... Oh, come on now!

Boys, you're giving me a lot of trouble here!

You all right, Miss Dolly?

Can you imagine a scrawny pipsqueak like that

trying to take on a man like you?

Why, he must have been out of his mind.

Yeah.

Well, I...

I reckon Buford figured that he had

something worth fighting for, Blackie.

You know, we ain't all as lucky as you are.

We can't just win the things

we want in a poker game.

Night, Miss Dolly.

Good night, Hoss.

I was afraid after what happened last night that you...

you might change your mind about showing me the Ponderosa.

Not a chance, Miss Dolly.

I made a promise to take you for a ride...

Thank you.

...and that's what I'm gonna do.

I'd give anything if it hadn't happened, Hoss.

I mean that.

Ah, don't give it a thought, Miss Dolly.

We have them little old scuffles all the time.

Nobody ever gets hurt.

Oh, I'm not so sure of that.

I know that you and Buford were very good friends before.

Well, Buford will get over it.

He ain't one to hold a grudge.

Giddup!

Howdy, Roy.

Hi, Hoss!

Dolly.

Lousy, no good...

You know what that Hoss is doing?

He's taking Miss Dolly buggy riding.

Name calling ain't gonna help or change a thing.

Now, if this was a two-horse race-- you and Hess--

I'd have to say that he's all but out of sight,

and you ain't even left the barn yet.

Maybe it's all for the best.

Yeah, guess I don't blame you for saying that, Lev.

All the scrapes you got me out of in the past.

All the messes I've been in.

But Miss Dolly, she ain't any more like the others

than the sunrise is like the night.

Well, I ain't been around enough women to really know,

but I gotta admit

she looks mighty nice.

"Nice"?

Why she's-she's plumb...

Lev, they just ain't invented words

to tell you how I feel about her.

She don't have to do nothin'.

Don't have to smile.

She just walks by and I...

I know. I seen it.

And I might even believe she's all you say...

if we hadn't been through all

of this so many times before.

♪♪

Whoa... ho.

My favorite view.

Never get tired of it.

Never two days the same.

But always beautiful.

What a wonderful way to live.

That's a funny thing for you to say, Miss Dolly. I...

Why, half the people in town would

change their lives for your kind

of romantic and exciting life.

I'd trade with them any day.

Are all show-world people like you?

How do you mean?

I mean, well, you're different than you was

when you first came here and...

...when you put on them show clothes and did all

that singing and stuff, well...

you're just different, you know?

I don't know how to explain it.

It's...

You put it very well, Hoss.

Well, now, when you're like you are now,

a feller can talk to you, and...

pretty and...

well, it ain't just play acting, you know?

I know what you're trying to say, Hoss.

The Dolly Bantree

in spangles and sequins

isn't a real person.

And you can just change

from this Dolly to that one?

Not exactly.

The other Dolly is always around,

no matter how much this one would like to be rid of her.

Well, I guess we should be getting back to town.

No, ma'am, not just yet.

Giddup.

Thank you, Hop Sing.

Of course, the, uh, Ponderosa

didn't come into being overnight.

As with most enterprises, uh...

we've had a lot of luck.

We've been very fortunate.

I'll remember this house.

It's so big and-and warm and-and friendly.

So exactly right.

Well, I-I take that as a high compliment, Miss Bantree.

That's what we've been trying to build.

Special desert, Missy Dolly.

Number one apple pie.

Little Joe,

he eat a whole one before he leave this afternoon.

Hop Sing, I-I couldn't possibly.

What's the matter?

You no like Hop Sing cooking?

Oh, I love it.

It's just that I'm absolutely stuffed.

You should eat more, Missy.

You little bit thin.

Well, I don't dare.

I-I wouldn't fit into my costumes.

You'll have to excuse Hop Sing, Miss Bantree-- he, uh...

he's an expert at minding other people's business.

Well, Miss Dolly,

I-I hate to rush you,

but since you're not gonna have any pie anyhow...

And there's a bunch a boys got tickets to that show tonight,

I think we better get moving,

or they're gonna be terribly disappointed.

Well, I guess you're right. Hope the show has

a more peaceful ending tonight than last night.

I can't tell you what my being here has meant to me.

Living the way I do,

one dreary hotel room after another,

well, you forget what a real home is like.

I don't mean just the-the rooms and the furnishings,

but, well, you know what I mean.

I think I do.

Missy Dolly, good-bye present for you.

One whole number one pie.

Same as for Little Joe.

Maybe-so more better you become too big for costume.

Mr. Ben say they hardly enough to wad shotgun.

Oh, well...

Mr. Cartwright,

I do believe you're blushing.

Don't give it a thought.

Thank you again.

Thank you, Hop Sing.

See you later, Pa.

Thank you very much.

What for you look at me like that?

Hop Sing only tell lady what you say.

Yeah, I did say that, that's true.

But I also said the costume was very becoming... on her.

You know, this is a real comfortable bed.

If I thought all jails was like this,

I might even be tempted to take up a life of crime.

It's about time you was letting us out.

Buford, you just better be thankful

that Hoss Cartwright didn't file assault charges agin you,

otherwise you'd have been in here for another 30 days.

That double-dealin', forked-tongued,

woman-stealin' varmint will be lucky

if I don't tie his ears in a knot.

Bein' in jail does that to Buford, gets him all riled up.

After he's been out a while, he even gets worse.

He gets worse?!

Get me and Lev a beer.

Buford...

...it's, uh, it's good to see you.

If you want to, uh, step over to one of the tables,

why, we could butt our heads together

in a little two-hand poker.

Fine friend you turned out to be,

Iettin' Dolly go buggy ridin' with that...

Hidin' over there in the corner, huh?!

Scared I was gonna whop you around like yesterday, huh?

Buford, I wasn't hiding,

I was just sitting here waiting for you

to get through spouting off over there,

so I could tell you something.

You ain't tellin' me nothin'! I'm doin' the tellin'.

You keep your consarned nose out of my business!

And if I don't ever see you again,

it's gonna be four days too soon.

Buford... Buford...

Miss Dolly Bantree has just confessed

that the necklace that you purchased

from Mr. Blackie Welles here for $2,000

was nothin' but a string of glass beads.

And that him and her was in cahoots

to separate you from your money.

Why you double-dealing little...

Shut up.

Now, Buford, it's up to you.

You know your rights.

What do you want to do about it?

It is kind of up to me, ain't it?

Yeah.

If I was to ask you to,

why, you'd have to throw him in jail.

And if I just wanted to be middling mean,

why, you'd run him out of town.

Yep.

I think this takes a little thinkin' about.

Sheriff, you mind if I have a little talk with him

in private, before I make up my mind?

Well, no, not if that's what you want.

I-I just want to do the right thing.

All right.

Mr. Welles.

Hoss...

Hoss, you've got to stop this.

That Blackie is liable to hurt Buford something bad.

He's mean.

Real mean.

Don't worry about Buford.

He can take care of himself.

Whips me about every other week.

I'll have more-- you got a beer over there.

I said please.

Sheriff, do something.

Sorry, ma'am, there's nothing I can do.

They're just having a little discussion.

Turned out Blackie can be real reasonable.

Gave me back every dime of my money.

Don't think I'll have you lock him up, Sheriff.

Be satisfied if you just run him out of town

with the understandin' he don't even look back

till he gets to Sacramento.

He'll be on that first freight wagon out of town, Buford.

Now, Miss Dolly here, she brought me the evidence.

I expect you're gonna

be dropping the charges agin her.

Would you want her on that same freight wagon?

No, sir.

No, siree, Sheriff.

I want her locked up.

Buford.

Do your duty, Sheriff!

I want to press my charges agin her.

I'm sorry, Miss Dolly.

Uh, Buford knows his rights. He just...

Quit your sobbin'

and just throw her in the calaboose!

Yes, sir.

Buford,

you can't mean that.

I mean it!

And if you don't keep your consarned nose

out of my business, I'll get you locked up, too!

Well, Lev, what are you waiting for?!

Come on!

Why is he doing this to me?

Oh, Miss Dolly...

soon as I can find him,

I think I can get him to drop his charges.

He's probably off somewhere studyin' about it right now.

Well, I found you both, right where I want you.

And I got a lot to say to you, Hoss Cartwright.

Now you been sneakin' up on it

about as clumsy as a newborn calf...

wearin' them fancy duds,

makin' out what a ignorant,

uncurried, miserable-Iookin' galoot I am,

when all the time what you was really tryin' to do

is tell me Miss Dolly wasn't interested in me.

Just my money.

Buford, I was...

I was just trying to do what was best for you, that's all.

What kind of a numbskull you take me for?

You think I didn't know what they was up to?

Well, dad-burnit, Buford, the way you was acting...

Any woman would rather have a rich man than a poor one.

And if money's what it takes

for me to have Dolly Bantree,

she can have every penny I got.

I don't know what money's good for,

if it ain't to buy the things you want in life and...

all I want's Dolly.

I had to say it, Miss Dolly.

That's why I had the sheriff lock you up,

so that there Blackie wouldn't make you go away with him.

So you wouldn't walk away before I got it said.

I wouldn't have walked away.

Well, that ain't all of it.

There's a mite over $20,000 there.

And there's more where that come from.

Now if it's fine hotels and fancy livin' you want,

you can have it.

I know I ain't as slick as Blackie Welles,

but I'll do my best so you ain't never ashamed of me.

On the other hand, this...

this here money could buy a little ranch I know of,

not too far out of town.

There'd be enough left over to buy a starter herd of beef,

and to get the paint and the lumber to fix it up,

the barn and the house and things.

Livin' wouldn't be too easy,

but if it's got any appeal to you,

I'm offerin' you all the sweat and calluses I can raise,

in addition to my good name.

Either way,

I'd take as good a care of you as any man can.

And I'd do my durndest to be any kind of man you want me to.

If you'll have me.

Oh... Buford...

if you aren't the goldarndest,

arm-twistinest,

wonderfulest sweetheart a girl could ask for.

♪ Oh, ♪ should like to marry ♪

♪ If that I could find ♪

♪ A very handsome fellow ♪

♪ Suited to my mind ♪

♪ Oh, ♪ should like him dashing ♪

♪ Oh, I should like him gay ♪

♪ The leader of the fashion ♪

♪ The dandy of the day ♪

♪ Oh, ♪ should like to marry ♪

♪ If that I could find ♪

♪ A very handsome fellow... ♪

♪ Suited to... ♪

♪ My mind. ♪

Wedding present for you, Missy Dolly.

Hop Sing, it's beautiful.

Gentlemen, the bride!

The bride! Hey!

This has been a color production

of the NBC Television Network.