Original subtitles

Previously on surrealestate.

Thank you for shaming me into going to law school.

- Who are you, really? - Most people know me

by my nom de guerre. Death.

Tag guinness is our new research associate.

Tag, I need you.

Luke Roman is no ordinary doofus.

He has this link across the veil.

Just imagine if I could hop into his skin.

If you fail, if you inspire scornful laughter,

oblivion will not be punishment enough.

Whoever claims to love god yet hates a brother or sister

is a liar.

For whoever does not love their brother and sister,

whom they have seen, cannot love god,

whom they have not seen.

I now invite lisbet's children to offer a handful of soil

as she is returned to earth.

It's not a contest, Barry.

Maybe I loved mom twice as much as you two.

If you really want to quibble I saw a front-end loader

- parked behind the shed. - Stick it, Arlo.

Excuse me?

I should go first. I'm the oldest.

Rules are rules. Right, boss?

There are no rules I know of

but if we're having trouble with the queue system,

might I suggest on the count of three?

One, two...

Three.

Goodbye, mom. Love you always.

See you on the other side, ma.

Take care of your beautiful self, mom.

Love you.

Well, what do you know? Barry hit the hole.

Get bent.

Mom can hear you guys, you know.

I'm pretty sure coffins are soundproof.

Meant from heaven, dipshit.

And on that note, we bid our beloved lisbet goodbye,

until the day when we are all raised up.

- Amen. - Amen.

I think Barry should be raised up first. He's oldest.

You can both go to hell.

God, why does death bring out the worst in people?

Hey.

To my beneficiaries, I, lisbet eno,

give, devise, and bequeath all my possessions

to be shared equally between my children.

Right, title and interest of the family home, however,

shall not be named herein.

Rather, my children shall convene upon the eno home

to unanimously name a beneficiary.

All children must be present for the duration

of deliberations, to be made within 96 hours...

Or the house shall be donated to charity.

Do what, now?

- Mom's stiffing us on the house. - No.

She just wants us to decide together.

Like grown-ups

over the next three days.

Or else it goes

off to the goodwill like an old couch.

Is there a loophole here?

Like, is it legally binding

if mom was suffering a bout of dementia

during drafting?

Your mom was sharp as a tack up until the very last.

For what it's worth, I only knew lisbet

a short while, but...

She really was lovely.

And she loved you all very much

and it made her so happy to think of you all

coming together and closing this chapter on her life

and entering a new one, side-by-side like responsible

adult siblings.

So, in that spirit,

can we please maybe hold our breath

for the next 96 hours while we sort this out?

Please?

When you're ready to jump back in,

I have a few tech upgrades I'd like to share.

Just some digital applications

that elegantly augment our rather analog devices.

Shall we, set aside some time to review?

- Tomorrow all right? - Nine A.M.?

Hey, sorry to interrupt.

There's no receptionist.

Tyler! Hi.

Everybody, this is, Tyler macneil.

The owner of that hunk of burning love

on 712 river walk that we just listed.

Tyler, this is my partner, Susan Ireland,

and our associates August, Lomax.

Great to meet you all.

You guys good to finish without me?

I'm excited to run you through the plan

I devised for your sale.

Naw. Let's talk about where I'm going,

not where I've been.

I just thought we'd get river walk on the market first.

Yeah, that's the past.

Show me my future, Luke. Dazzle me.

Okay. No problem. I got a long list

of possibilities. Let's narrow it down.

Give me specifics.

Let's see.

Maybe nine or ten thousand square feet,

five bedrooms, seven - no, eight baths;

home office, oversized garage.

Nothing too big and ostentatious, you know.

It's not my style.

You laughing at me?

No.

Don't laugh at me, Luke. Ever.

I mean it, I will end...

Just don't.

I didn't mean anything by it.

Good.

I go running, before work.

Gets my blood moving. You a runner?

Depends on what's chasing me.

- Why don't you join me? - Seven A.M., my place.

Sure.

Just a warning, though.

I'm pretty fast.

No problem. I cheat.

Home, semisweet home.

Okay. So, anything you don't want,

we'll just set aside for the estate sale.

And we will use these...

To Mark the stuff that you do want.

A little organizational hack

I picked up from a lovely obsessive-compulsive

I used to work with.

Dibs!

- It's mine! - I'm youngest! It was my wooby.

I have kids! If anyone deserves a wooby, it's my kids.

- As the oldest... - okay, okay!

How about we just put a pin in this for now?

Okay? You guys have bigger fish to fry.

Look, I get it. Basic civility is hard work,

so why don't we just call it a day

and we can pick it back up tomorrow?

I am getting hungry.

- I could use some rest. - And space.

I could use space from all of you.

Edwin hubble could not describe

the amount of space I need from you two!

Great! So we agree!

Look at you! Go team!

God... You again.

No. You again.

I'm your conscience, dipshit!

- What now? - I'm just curious.

You're gonna let them keep pushing you around like that?

It's mom's dying wish. We...

We have to figure this out together.

- Barry, Barry, Barry! - Don't fall for that shit!

The last thing they care about is togetherness.

Remember the time they-they-they ratted you out for smoking weed?

- I don't remember... - the end of twelfth grade!

You were grounded for a week. You ended up missing prom,

one of the formative events of a healthy adolescence.

You don't just bounce back from that.

So you ended up dating Tiffany.

Nice girl, but Jesus on a jet ski, Barry,

the marriage is imploding.

Blowing up like tunguska in 1908!

Now you're balding. You're getting ear hair.

Who's responsible for that?

Who's responsible?

Trace it back to patient zero, bar.

Arlo.

Sheri.

So, you gonna let them get away with that, bar?

Are you?

Over my dead body.

- Zooey! - I know.

I didn't have to, but my firm gets a discount

at this cute cafe every Tuesday from 8:08 to 10:22.

Why so specific?

I don't know. It was just really fun to negotiate.

Anyways, I just wanted to

spend my morning with you guys instead of a bunch of suits.

Meh. Lawyers, am I right?

Present company excluded.

So how is it? Is it great?

Yeah, it is!

It's great. It's great. I just...

Just who knew starting over on the lowest rung,

up to my torts in paperwork, could feel so...

Debilitating?

But, I guess sometimes I just miss this. You guys.

We miss you.

Especially when the phone rings for that sixth time.

Wait. So where's Luke?

Looks like he's still with Tyler.

It's not like Luke to forget.

I doubt he forgot.

It just... wasn't important.

Well, I gotta get back to work. Regroup when he's back?

Bye.

Is everything okay?

Luke is being distracted by a walking shiny object.

There's something about this client. I.

I don't trust him.

But you trust Luke, right?

Under normal laboratory conditions.

It's awkward to say and probably sounds even worse,

but the frail elderly? They're good business.

And, these days, kids start googling

"assisted living" the first time mom and dad misplace their keys.

That's where I come in.

I make sure there's dignity in the decrescendo.

What I build isn't nursing homes.

They're retirement villas:

White table linen dinners, Cali king beds,

meds served on the half shell.

Thought you said you were a runner.

I didn't say I was a marathoner.

- How long we been at it now? - Two hours.

Two hours?!

I'm late for work.

Just tell 'em you lost track of time.

Hydration?

Help yourself.

Look, I got some meetings to get to so,

won't be able to look over those listings you compiled.

You wanna reconnect after work?

- I guess. - All right.

Just text me where. Gotta run.

Look at you.

The girls.

Hello, alternative me who's, really, really mean.

What is it this time?

It just occurred to me that there's a...

A special kind of bond between a mother and her daughter.

That's something that your loser brothers

will never understand, couple of rock throwers

with the emotional intelligence of dryer lint.

But we know, don't we?

Yeah. We know.

It's like that time that your parents

missed Thanksgiving.

You remember. 'Cause of the storm.

- No. - You cooked everything.

The Turkey, the stuffing, the potatoes, the yams.

Everything so it'd be ready in time for when they got there.

You know who took all the credit?

Barry, the little tapeworm.

Barry is the worst.

Arlo broke your arm.

What? No. He did?

Yeah. He threw you down the stairs

to prevent you from telling mom the truth about the Turkey.

You see, they always hunted in pairs, ganged up on you.

You never had a chance. You were always so alone.

I was always so alone.

But this is where you draw the line.

With this house.

With this home.

My mother's home.

You know, I wonder what it's worth,

considering the current market value.

Probably a lot.

You need to know.

I need to know.

Take it.

Take what's yours, by any means necessary.

What do you mean?

Rip it from their greedy little hands.

Leave them with bloody stumps spewing tendons and blood

until their life force drains out.

- Hey. - Hey, you.

How go the negotiations?

You know,

I think we need to find out what the house is worth.

A decision this huge, we do require all the facts.

Okay.

Actually, I know a guy.

I understand you're on a time crunch,

so I threw together a quick market valuation

based on comps I had available.

- I think you're gonna like it. - Stop it.

- Well? - I think this is a matter

for the executor, so... The executor.

Worst avenger ever.

You're just jealous that mom chose me

instead of you losers.

Loser? I'm a doctor.

You are a podiatrist.

- That's a doctor! - That's a reach, is what it is.

It's a hell of a step up from a master's degree in counseling.

Hey, watch it, foot boy!

It's a good thing you're a lawyer.

You're trained for this shit.

Yeah, I think I was sick that day.

Those are the top contenders,

adjusted to your specs.

Best of the best.

I'm impressed.

Start making those appointments and, hah, get looking.

- Another round here. - Whoa, whoa, whoa, ho-ho.

I don't know.

Something's gonna kill ya, right?

So, was real estate always the dream?

Yeah. Sure.

I mean, boyhood dreams aside,

this is what I always wanted to do.

Boyhood dreams.

Go into business with me.

What do you mean?

These houses you're looking into,

they gave me an idea.

I'm diversifying my portfolio.

As an offshoot to the villas, my vision is to

buy residential homes and rent them out

at the highest price the market can bear.

Yeah. I heard some corporations are doing that.

Look,

I got relationships with banks

that are just dying to finance me.

But I don't know the residential side,

which is your wheelhouse.

Think about it.

Together we'd be unstoppable.

But first... Finish that beer.

What was that?

We just about lost you there, bud.

Think you've been overserved.

I've ordered Mr. Roman an Uber.

Tomorrow,

no skipping lunch, no matter how busy we are.

Low blood sugar is not our friend.

My god.

Arlo, please pass the salt.

Now!

So you don't like my cooking?

If I meant that I would have said it.

I'll say it.

Your food sucks.

You really are a renaissance man, Arlo.

Bad at so many things.

Wouldn't kill you to cook your own damn dinners.

My god.

Their immaturity is the problem.

And their greed and their pettiness

and their weakness. They've been like this forever.

This one Thanksgiving, my parents were going to be late

and I slaved away in that kitchen all day.

It was supposed to be a surprise.

Instead it ended in a fistfight and me breaking my arm.

Okay, but you guys were kids then.

What about now? What do you want now?

I want them dead.

You know, sometimes.

Do you...?

Yeah. What is that?

Barry?

Arlo?

Barry! Arlo!

- Who sprayed mom's perfume? - Sheri, relax.

This isn't funny!

If you are messing with me you'll have to pay Barry

to remove my foot from your ass!

What are you talking about?

Spraying mom's perfume in here.

Make it feel like her presence is in this house!

You are sick.

- You're sick. - I should kick both your asses.

The foot doctor got brave!

I'd run away in terror if not for this pesky

plantar fasciitis.

Where are those sticky notes!?

Okay! Great! Great!

Everything's been tagged and sorted

and ready for tomorrow's estate sale.

Not quite.

What?

Okay! Okay. Okay, okay, okay, okay.

Everybody back to neutral corners.

We can start fresh tomorrow, okay?

Go! Go! Go!

Sorry.

I was doing the client thing last night. Lost track of time.

Yes. Well.

Despite a rather draconian non-compete,

I've managed to apply asdra knowledge

to our own modest technology.

For example,

now equipped with a retractable monocle,

allowing the sorting of entities into genus:

Demon? Roadie? Poltergeist? Easy.

Plus, monocles are super dashing.

I'm sure the monopoly guy has to fight them off with a shovel.

Our basic pkt device.

Our old standby now has the utility to carbon date

energy fields so we can measure

how long an entity has been extant.

And, the on button is now red.

Nothing says urgency like a red button.

And there's the gopher.

This remote device can now detect and identify t-r-es.

Wait. I should know this.

Temporally resonant edifices.

Buildings that once stood, but have been torn down.

I'm also in the process of installing

an agency breach alarm like the one in our old office.

The one that could detect the roadies.

Exactly. I think it's important to know

if anything, or anyone, has followed us home.

I worry that something...

Unwholesome might imbed itself amongst us.

Well, I for one feel safer. Susan?

Really great stuff, augie. Thanks.

Psst. Arlo.

- What now? - Arlo.

Can I give you a little well-meaning,

constructive advice?

I guess.

Stop being a wussy bitch!

Can't you see it coming?

Those two are gonna take the house away from you.

Steal it out from under your wussy bitch nose,

just like they did your bike.

Bike?

Jeez. Think, Arlo!

The hot 10-speed with the yellow bolt?

Eighth grade!

They traded it in for a skateboard and a cd player.

You spent the summer alone. Haven't had a best friend since.

But, Arlo, I have good news.

You do?

You're finally ready to fight!

I saw your little stab by fantasy.

It was awesome.

I laughed. I cried. I stood up and cheered.

- You did? - Yeah.

Time to make it a reality, Arlo.

Step up and kill them.

End their lives, then take what's yours.

This is exactly what our flipping house needs.

Check out these gorgeous old bricks.

They came from some ruin outside of town.

I know this guy, Viktor, he's kind of sketch,

he runs a salvage operation.

He sold them to me cheaper than new.

My mom would've loved these.

Rustic but with a history, you know?

I know.

Losing her really felt like losing home.

Think that's why it feels so good to do this now.

You know, it connects me with her.

Check out this emblem here.

Did Viktor say what this ruin used to be?

I'm gonna send this to tag.

Maybe there's a story.

Nothing sells a house like a story

thanks for stopping by.

Things here are getting really weird.

Well, that phrase should be on our business card.

- It should. - Excuse me. Hi.

- Hi. - I live down the street.

I saw a lot of cars here.

I was just wondering if everything was... okay?

Yeah, we're just helping the eno kids

settle up lisbet's affairs.

Kids are all here?

- Yeah. - It's like ragnarok in there.

- Mercy. - They still don't get along?

So all that stuff is true?

Sheri's broken arm?

The time lisbet missed Thanksgiving?

Missed Thanksgiving? Not a chance.

The Enos never spent a holiday apart.

Well, beyond that stuff

is there anything else you can remember?

Well...

Actually, there is one thing.

They used to talk to themselves.

A lot.

And it was disturbing.

Fighting words.

Yeah, I'll stop by later.

I'd love to see them.

A caduceus is a medical symbol

and also the staff of Mercury, patron of thieves and outlaws.

The key crest makes this exceptionally curious

but I have to dig deeper before I can make

any solid identification.

Thanks. No rush. Just, you know, curious.

So, sometimes the brick companies

would have a little stamp like this to, identify

bricks intended for a big institutional job.

Great, thanks.

So what I'm saying, Susan, is that it was probably like a,

like a big, institutional job.

Okay. Super.

I'll get back to you, Susan.

Yeah, get back to me too, tag!

I think tag is crushing on you.

This is the new Susan Ireland.

The one who doesn't date 20-year olds, or colleagues,

or direct reports, or bipeds, or anyone, remember?

I stand corrected.

Why are you selling this?!

Because it was in your sell pile.

- No, it wasn't! Sheri! - Arlo! Who planted this?

The same jackass who planted this!

These cards are collector's items!

Okay, everybody just needs to settle down.

And there they are.

The eno kids.

Rachel. You...

You still live down the road?

I haven't seen you three in years.

Sheri, look at you.

Hi.

And Arlo.

Rachel, why do you have mom's quilt?

I was wondering how you could possibly sell it.

It's special.

We're not. It's mine!

There is my junior choir robe.

This is my graduation gown!

Well, this piece is from my t-shirt!

Well, that's my flannel shirt! My jeans!

What?

That's just not true. 'Cuz your mother made this

from her own clothes and your father's.

She finished it when she was expecting you, Barry.

And you're, you're sure?

Positive. I'm sorry.

You're all remembering it wrong.

Who did this?

My god. My quilt!

- Our quilt! - Why would you...?

No, wait, wait! Hold it.

Think about it.

The perfume. The quilt.

I heard a woman laughing just now.

So? What?

Is it...

Mom?

Is she here?

Do you think that she's...

Mad at us?

We're never gonna sell a haunted house.

Who do we even call about that?

Zooey sent us.

You're the spook wranglers.

We are real estate specialists.

We could really use your help.

Sure. Just if it's mom, be nice, okay?

We're always nice.

Shall we?

Après vous.

There's something's here and it's pissed off.

The data shows something old.

Yet younger than lisbet.

That's a handy device.

It's just start.

Cross-referencing, I can confirm

there's no maternal link to the eno children,

but there does seem to be a familial link.

Doesn't make any sense.

No fancy takeout coffee this time?

I miss the company motor oil I used to make.

You're too young for nostalgia.

It's not nostalgia, it's just...

Okay, I didn't want to say this earlier

in front of everybody else, but

I'm actually having a really hard time at work.

I guess I'm just feeling really out of place.

You know, the fancy cappuccino makers,

the high-powered suits, the business lunches.

Sounds rough.

I just.

I just mean it's not...

Here.

You know, it doesn't feel like home.

It takes time.

I felt the same way when I first came here.

Hey, you know lobsters?

Not personally.

So, lobsters, they molt.

And when they shed their hard, well-worn exoskeleton,

the shell beneath is super soft.

They spend weeks in hiding before it's safe to emerge.

I can relate.

You're just getting accustomed to the newness of it all.

A three-year fast-tracked law degree?

Starting at a firm before finishing the bar?

That's a lot.

You are exceptional, zooey.

But you're also human.

And apparently part crustacean.

Give yourself some time.

Live and breathe.

Before being trapped and boiled alive.

Thank you for that.

God, it's the Enos. I gotta go.

See you around.

Zooey! You got a second?

What are they gonna do? Kill each other?

I've been looking through the late Mrs. Eno's records

and there was a huge chunk missing.

Being me, I tried a couple of back doors

into the data and found this.

When she was 16, lisbet duval... that's her maiden name

gave birth to a baby girl at St. gertrude's hospital.

She never told me about another daughter.

The little girl was named summer,

which is kind of ironic

because she had anything but a sunny life.

Summer was snatched away, as they tended to do

with babies born in such circumstances.

She lived in 13 foster homes.

Almost lost her in this period. Then she turned up once more

in a shitty place... the obituaries.

- No. - Murdered at 15

by a foster brother who stabbed her in the throat

and, well, yuck. Very sad.

Familial link. Half-sister.

Yeah, a bitter half-sister.

Well, it's hard to blame her. A little lost girl

watching your privileged brothers and sister

living their charmed lives.

It sucks. I'd be mad, too.

So, what? Summer was the one

putting all these false memories into the kids' heads?

Wait - Rachel did mention that they used to always,

talk to themselves.

It was summer.

Whispering bad things.

Making them all hate each other.

So she wants the kids to do to each other

what happened to her.

Shit, I just left them alone.

You help zooey. I'm gonna try something.

What in the world?

When it comes to somebody losing their mother,

there is only one solution.

I need you to trust me on this one thing.

Always.

You don't deserve this place. Or a mother!

You brats had everything and I had nothing!

- You should all have died! - Had your throats cut out!

See how you like it!

No!

Mom?

Summer.

Baby.

It's mother.

They took you away.

I tried to find you.

So many times.

Liar!

Mom!

No.

I never forgot you, summer.

This piece of your baby blanket,

it's part of the quilt that I

- you left me to die! - No.

Then you went and had a new family!

A happy family!

I love my children.

All of my children.

It's not their fault.

Please!

It's time to go, honey.

Let's go together.

I love you.

Mom.

Okay.

So we've come up with a plan and we have decided to sell.

Okay.

And split the profit four ways.

Four?

We'll never know summer, but maybe we can do

something for her.

For her memory.

Something not selfish and shitty.

Okay. Sounds noble so far.

So a quarter of the sale

should be directed to the children's aid society.

In summer's memory.

And you all agree?

Yes.

Nice.

Well, I think your mom would be super happy.

And... Look at that. With time to spare.

I knew you guys would do it.

You did?

God, no.

It's literally a miracle.

So leave your name and number

- and I'll get back to you. - Thanks.

Hey, Susan! It's me.

Just wanted to let you know that I witnessed

some moltings today. The Enos.

Old pre-lobster me

would have thought it was, you know, corny or emo,

but I guess I have a new appreciation.

And I'll still feel out of place at the firm,

but my shell got a little tougher today

and that's because of you. So, thank you.

Okay, bye.

Judy, did you send that box like I told you to?

Good.

No, just a little inside joke to an old friend.

Right.

I'll send for the rest.

Right! You're leaving.

You don't even care.

I'm trying.

No. Can't get there.

You scare me, Tyler.

We used to laugh together all the time.

Now every time I laugh you get mad.

You get this look like you ha...

Like you hate me.

I don't even know you anymore.

What a shame. I'm quite extraordinary.

Especially deep down.

You're still here.

- So are you. - On my way out.

Promised my mom no more desk dinners,

which has been the easiest to keep so far.

Anyway, this just came for you.

No return address.

What the heck is that?

Luke?

I have no idea.