Original subtitles

Previously on surrealestate.

I was just wondering if you're all right.

Yeah, I'm fine. It's sweet of you to ask.

I think tag is crushing on you.

Susan.

I'm crash.

They want me to tell you not every soul

needs a kick in the ass so listen.

You scare me, Tyler.

It's about Tyler macneil.

Tyler is obsessed with Luke Roman.

This is gonna be a bad one!

Honey!

Where are the car keys?

In the car!

Tim... What? Please, can we just go?

I forgot something.

- Stay in the car. - No. No! Tim!

God.

Go. Go!

Here is the title search, insurance.

A settlement statement.

As negotiated, they're leaving some of the appliances

and the window coverings.

And... This is my favorite part.

Cash deals.

More rare than a happy marriage

and far more fungible.

Especially for first-time home buyers.

Bitcoin paid off.

So that's the Crawford group?

Yeah, it made sense tax-wise

to purchase through my corporation.

Well, it's been a treat.

Next time you have a quick cash deal,

nobody needs to know. Shh.

We're sitting right here.

Bye.

You'll have to excuse Rita.

She may come off as a cold, unfeeling,

ruthless house-selling machine.

So, when are you moving in?

We're actually, um... We're not done yet.

We heard that your agency is special.

Well, we like to think so.

We heard from a guy that you understand stuff

that a lot of other people... Don't.

That is fair to say.

But this house, I don't think it has the type of problem that

I think you are talking about.

Not yet.

Maybe you should just tell us

exactly what you're talking about.

Um...

For the past three years, we've been on the I am.

The I am?

We have moved in and out of 22 homes?

If you can call a place that you've lived for two weeks

a home.

Because every single time,

it finds us.

Exorcisms, witch doctors.

Dreamcatchers, lutherans.

We're tired of running.

Exhausted. And now we have a baby due in a few weeks.

It's time to make a stand.

Well, you still haven't told us what it is that's following you.

I don't know!

What do you call it? A curse? A monster?

A following... thing.

We just, we want you to take care of it.

You know, zap it, or whatever.

Zap it?

Yeah, that's what you do, right?

It's a thing I get; A twitch.

Like a sixth sense, only one that makes you wanna sneeze.

So, what's it telling you this time?

The vendels are hiding something.

Do you mind checking them out for me?

Family history, past residences, business dealings...

Anything you can find.

- Tyler, hi. - Luke. Great to hear from you.

- Do you get my message? - Yeah. About that.

I just wanted to let you know that I've decided it's best if

we not partner on this housing venture at this time.

I'm sorry. What?

It's just that I spoke with my partner, Susan, and, well,

she's uncomfortable with the basic philosophy

behind the deal.

Your partner doesn't like the philosophy?

Yeah. I can't say that I necessarily disagree.

I thought this was our deal, Luke.

It was. But in a deal like this

Susan and I, well, we have to be on the same page.

It's not going to work, Tyler. I'm sorry.

If I wasn't such a seasoned professional

my feelings might be hurt.

You don't want me for an enemy, Luke.

No, I don't.

- It's not personal, it's... - Business.

I'm aware of that.

I'm disappointed. I didn't get a chance

to pitch Susan directly. You're obviously close.

Very.

Well, then, just forget I ever walked into your world

and offered you the deal of a lifetime.

Right. Thanks for understanding.

I'll be in touch.

Great little partner you got there.

Be a shame if something happened to her.

Claire? You find it?

Yep.

Do you think we should have told them?

They don't need to know.

But...

What if it helps them?

To know the whole picture, I mean?

To know that it's my mother?

Come on, Tim.

What kind of monster am I to not only be glad

that my mother is dead, but to actually want her

deader than dead?

What kind of daughter, what kind of person...

Claire?

Something's not right.

We're heading to the hospital. Now.

Okay. Okay.

- All the tests came back normal. - Thank god.

You do have some pre-eclampsia. High blood pressure.

Now, in and of itself, that's not a concern, but

it's vital you keep stressors to an absolute minimum.

No problem.

Thank you, Dr. Naismith.

We're gonna be fine.

Hey, everything is gonna be fine.

We have the perfect place to call home,

the roman/ireland people are working the problem

and I'm going to make sure nothing touches us.

Or her.

Okay.

Good morning!

A little something from us to you.

- Thank you, Susan. - Of course!

Everything good with your lovely new home?

There's one

- thing. - The toaster?

It's not ours. Previous owners left it behind.

Okay.

Well, let's just donate it to goodwill, or somebody.

- See, that's the thing. - Every time we put it out

on the curb, or drop it at the goodwill,

it shows up back on our counter again.

That's... unusual.

But that's not all.

I thought my right rear looked a little low.

Sorry?

This toaster is predicting that I'm gonna have

a flat tire today.

- It's a toaster of destiny. - Just the other day,

the toaster popped up an image of a baseball.

Later that same day,

a kid next door hit a home run through our window!

Just as the toaster prophesied.

All right.

It's gone. I will dispose of it in the appropriate manner.

All right?

Enjoy the house.

It'll be back.

Looking through the names of these dummy corporations

they've been setting up obviously in an effort

to hide from someone... or something

I looked through the names. The cagney corporation.

Gable inc. The rosebud company. See the pattern?

- Pattern? - Old movies.

These people are obviously old movie buffs.

Now, what was the name of the company

- that bought their new house? - The Crawford group.

Bingo.

Joan Crawford?

Won an Oscar for Mildred Pierce in 1946.

No more wire hangers! Ever!

Sorry. Total fly-by.

Okay, okay, okay. Faye dunaway plays Joan Crawford

as a not-very-cool mom.

Which led me down a rabbit hole to the obvious conclusion that

the entity tracking the vendels and messing with their shit

is, in fact, another not-very-cool mom,

- the mother of the woman... - Claire.

Claire. Claire's mother, Emma shields,

died three years ago,

the precise time the hauntings began,

which happens to be the last time

the vendels had a permanent address.

I also unearthed several complaints

during their time jumping from hotel to motel to house rental.

In one disturbingly specific account,

the words clairie bear

and I'm quoting the police report here

were crudely carved into walls and headboards.

Claire. Clairie bear, a sympathetic affectation.

No, I get it, but it's just why wouldn't they tell us?

Well, in a rather dark left turn

down research boulevard, just a block away from

potentially criminal violation of privacy statutes Avenue,

I happened upon Claire's childhood health records.

- Whoa. Her medical records? - Isn't that a hip a a violation?

I'm not telling anyone. Are you?

- Nope. - Well, no harm done.

Anyway, it turns out young Claire was a regular

at their local hospital er. She suffered

dozens of seemingly normal adolescent injuries:

Burns, hematomas, broken bones.

Nothing in and of itself alarming until one notes that

she was there three or four times a year

throughout her young life.

Any news?

Nothing definite, but we do have a theory.

Claire, tell me about your mother.

We didn't come here for family therapy.

We came to you because of

yes, for all of the... zapping. I know.

But without all of the details pertinent to a situation

it can be difficult to get to that point.

It's not as if my mother was just mean.

Evil.

She was pure evil.

I was, like, three,

but I remember having these tiny, little bruises

all over my body.

Always in places that the daycare workers wouldn't see.

I just thought that I...

Needed to be nicer

so that mother would like me more.

But no matter what I'd try...

Making up songs about her, giving her drawings,

it just, it made her...

Angry.

By the time I was in my teens

she started calling me ugly and stupid.

She used to tape up the corners of my mouth

to teach me to smile more.

She said it was for my own good,

that she was teaching me

to be ready for all the misery and disappointment of life.

And afterward she would...

She would always smile and say,

I only wish you well.

I'm so sorry.

See? Somebody knows the truth

and the world didn't end.

I'm so sorry, babe.

You didn't sign up for this.

I did sign up for this.

All of it.

If it's part of you, it's part of me.

And hey,

lots of husbands don't get on with their mother-in-law.

It's kind of a cliché.

My god.

The picture. It's straight.

She's here.

- Bhavin, Anika. Good morning! - It's back.

- I don't get it. How did it...? - That's what it does.

My tire blew out on the expressway.

I had to change it on the side of the road.

Here's the toast of the day.

It's nobody we know.

Do you recognize him?

Um, he looks sort of like a fireman I met recently.

Let me send a courier to pick up the toaster.

It's time to get my research guy on this.

And Anika? Save me that slice, would you?

Sure.

- She's here. - How do you know?

Mother hates disorder,

so whenever we move into a new place

we leave something hanging on the wall that's crooked.

We know she'll straighten it out.

- Did she? - Yeah.

But that's just the beginning. Next, she'll be organizing

our shoes by the front door, rearranging the cutlery drawer.

Don't love her messing with knives.

Liniment cream.

She used to smear it all over her hands.

And the music box playing in the middle of the night.

And then the pinches.

Welts popping up all over my body.

And then, all of a sudden,

she's there.

And that's when all hell breaks loose.

This might sound obvious, but have you ever tried

just talking to her?

When people die, get stuck in the minors,

can't move on to the show,

it's often because they have some unfinished business.

Maybe, Emma just wants to meet her only grandchild.

That is exactly what we're afraid of.

Guys, you don't get it.

She's not lost.

She's not searching. She's not unfinished.

She's not even human.

She wasn't even human when she was human.

- She just wants to mess with us. - She just wants to torture me

- and everybody that I love. - Okay.

We get it. But if you're okay with it,

I would like to try talking first.

You're the experts.

The courier just brought it by.

Great. So, what's your take?

Um...

Can I be honest with you?

You know, I've always been a freelancer.

You know, a hired gun.

Between that and my particular predilection

for not going out in the world where there are bears and mimes

and falling pieces of space debris,

I tend to, you know, fly solo.

This gig with roman/ireland,

it's the first time I've been a part of anything

resembling a team and.

I like it. I like it more than I thought I would.

We like it too.

But I wouldn't say it's like a family

because I hate people who say anything is like a family

because the only thing like a family is a family

and I say that as someone who's never had a family myself,

so, let's just say roman/ireland feels like home

and I like it here.

So, back to the toaster.

Look what it served up this morning.

- Is this... - This anybody you know?

Just a friend.

Apparently, the toaster gives the user glimpses

into the future. Do you mind digging into this thing?

- Can do. - Great!

Thanks, tag.

So, this friend, um,

are you gonna see him soon?

Apparently. He's on the toast.

Bye, Susan.

Yeah, I feel you, mom.

Wait... toasters didn't always pop?

They did not and because they did not

the looming danger of burnt toast

was omnipresent, much like the threat of nuclear war today.

But all that changed, minus the nuclear war,

when this guy came along.

Charles strite invented the toaster on a timer

in 1921. Brilliant. Visionary.

World-changing in its application of

the maillard reaction, which, as you know,

is a chemical reaction between amino acids

and reducing sugars to create melanoidins,

the compounds which give browned food

- its distinct flavor. - Everybody knows that.

Well, but for strite, toasters became an obsession

and it wasn't long before he entered

the shadowy world of the occult.

The occult? But it's just toast.

Well, not to strite. In his twisted, brilliant mind,

strite came to believe that by manipulating the melanoidins

he was not only able to predict the future,

but burn it onto a slice of bread.

So how did it find its way back to the patels' house?

So it seems that strite had a protégé named Alan mcmasters.

Mcmasters was sad to see

strite's slow descent into madness

so in the late '20s he stole the clairvoyant toaster

out of the lab one night and hid it in his own home.

He died in that same house in 1929

and on that very same site today...

The patels' house.

So that's why the toaster keeps ending up back there.

It is drawn to the only home it ever knew,

but yearns for its creator.

Wow.

Yeah, you don't really see that kind of loyalty

in a small appliance.

Thanks, tag. It's really great work.

Shall I send the toaster back?

My guess is it'll find its way back to the patels on its own.

Emma!

Emma?

Emma.

Well, hi.

Who are you?

How can you be...?

Why're you here?

This isn't your world anymore.

But I'm not finished with it yet.

I'm going to be a grandma!

Emma, don't.

Where's Claire? The brat.

You know, she can't raise a child.

She's too weak.

Too stupid.

- Emma. - No.

That child needs me.

Only chance she's got.

I can teach her things, secret things.

Things that her mother was never smart enough to grasp.

You need to leave them alone and go back to wherever

get out of my grand baby's nursery!

And, um, tell Claire.

I'm coming.

Don't worry. I only wish her well.

Hey. Well, not so great, really.

Howzabout... No, I don't think so.

Listen, Susan, we're gonna have to regroup here in a bit.

Can you transfer me to August?

I need a little something from his toolkit.

Okay.

Text me the address and I'll meet you.

Well, for the second time today,

I feel more than a little bit stupid.

Well?

There's something. I don't know.

Is it strite?

I'm going to head out and give it a try.

I believe you have something of mine.

They told me non-enzymatic Browning

was incongruous with precognition.

They called me mad!

Well, who's mad now?

Pretty sure that's a rhetorical question, Mr. Strite?

Charles strite.

Remember that name with the great seers

and prognosticators,

the great visionaries of the ages.

Toastradamus.

That son of a bitch mcmasters.

He was jealous of my genius. He stole my device.

And do you know who put him up to it?

All those cheap bastards who control big bread!

It's a big, yeasty, gluten-packed cartel of evil!

May I?

You two probably want to be alone.

Thank you.

You have righted a horrible wrong.

Pretty much what I do.

What happened?

Where's the toaster?

It's... gone.

To a better place.

Okay.

I just can't stand the thought of that,

of her, in the nursery.

- I know. Hot. - Thank you.

I'm sorry, Claire. We had to try.

It's scary enough just becoming a mom, you know?

I wasn't planning on it.

I didn't want to continue the pattern.

But... Now it's happening and...

It actually gives me hope.

It's like it's a chance for me to break free from

all of the awful memories and...

Forge a new path.

Your husband said it.

It's time for you to make your stand.

Hi. Cote-du-rhône, please.

- Hey! - Hey!

Hi. You look... So great.

Yeah, I hope this place is okay. One of the guys at the station

said it was "the" spot.

But I forgot to mention it was a date, so...

My god. This is a date?

Well... I'm just kidding.

- I have a cruel streak. - Geez.

Don't do that! I'm surprisingly fragile.

- Thanks. - Thank you.

Um, I'll get whatever she's having.

Yeah.

So, save any little old ladies holding cats stuck up in trees

- from any fires today? - God, yeah.

Three before lunch, actually.. Wow.

Yeah. How about you?

Small kitchen appliance issue at one place,

but nothing I can't handle.

- I bet. - My mom used to clean

other peoples' homes for a living.

Sometimes I'd go with her and we would walk through

these amazing homes and she would say,

"someday, Charlie,

we're gonna have one of these places."

- We never got there. - Aw. I'm so sorry.

No, I see you helping people like my mom get the places

that make their dreams come true.

That's so awesome.

Yes. Yes, it absolutely is.

Thank you.

Cheers.

I'm glad you texted.

I was gonna a bunch of times, but I just was nervous.

Why?

You're totally out of my league. I...

What?

My mom always told me to look out for the nice guys.

Guys you might fall for. She...

She said they're out there, but they hide.

She sounds like a character.

She was.

I lost her a little over a year ago.

My god. I am so sorry.

No! I was just thinking how much she'd love you.

So

I'm a nice guy?

Think you might be. Yeah.

But I found where you were hiding.

Ready?

No! No!

What?! What is it? Is it the baby?

No. No.

She's attached to Claire like a pernicious weed

sprouting out of a crack in the sidewalk.

I've designed a new device with a dual processor

so, the severance of the connection

and the atomization of the spirit

can happen simultaneously,

along with short-term storage of the residual consciousness.

Do you think it'll work?

Certainty is for toasters.

Good point.

Now, it will work, but not quickly.

Think dial-up Internet and dot matrix printers.

Got it. Let's get moving.

You're sure this won't hurt Claire or the baby?

Not a scratch.

Grandma, on the other hand, should be contained.

But she must be transferred quickly

to a sturdier receptacle. And the device takes time

wasn't that in the nursery?

I brought it down here.

I didn't want it anywhere near them.

- Tim? - It's okay, babe.

No, it's not.

My water just broke.

Tim, let's get Claire to the hospital.

Stay where you are!

It's not ready!

Clairie bear, step away.

I only want my grandbaby.

No.

You can't have her.

I can.

Get away from her, you bitch!

What did you say?

I said no!

You're no mother.

Not to me, not to anyone.

You are a vicious, cruel shrew whose time has come and gone.

And you can't hurt me anymore, ever!

You're hurting me.

Get out of here.

Leave now and never come back.

- After all I've done for you. - You dare speak to me like that!

No! No!

- August dear. - What's dear?

Short-term storage just became very, very short-term.

- How short? - Seconds.

We need something else to put it in. Now!

Here!

We need something to secure it!

What? Like a ritual or a spell?

I was thinking more along the lines of packing tape.

Okay.

We did it.

You did it, Claire.

This is, this is a lovely moment, really,

but do you think maybe somebody could get me to the hospital?

- Yeah. You good? - Yeah.

Okay. Let's go! Heh. Hey! A baby! Yay!

Okay.

Susan told me about this place.

She said it's small, but very deep.

Sounds perfect.

Goodbye, mother.

I only wish you... well.

Tag?

Come on tag, open up.

So, hi.

You're taller than I pictured you.

Yeah, I get that a lot.

Um, come in.

Something to drink? I've got bottled water or...

- Water. - No, no. I'm good.

I'm good, thank you.

Here's the report on that brick of yours.

It's fairly specific, so... Thanks, tag.

Can I get your opinion on something?

- Sure. - Yeah, um.

For the past six months I've been trying to figure out

what kind of flooring to put in. I go back and forth.

Some days I'm liking the oat frosted oak plank

and other days I'm leaning towards the dark maple.

Then again, I have my tile days, as well.

I even flirted with linoleum once but turns out

I had screwed up my meds.

Dark maple.

- Yeah? - You have this massive space,

all this whiteness and light.

Dark maple will give it richness and contrast.

Richness. Contrast.

Damn, you're good. Thank you.

Yeah. Listen, I won't stay, it's just, um...

Tag, what you said about being a part of the team.

It was nice.

It was true.

So, these came in today.

I order them for all of our employees.

Kind of incurably analog

and I think stuff like this matters.

Whether you are in the office or not, you are one of us.

Tag guinness. The answer guy. Roman/ireland real estate.

I remember when I got my first business cards.

It was so emotional.

And I thought

somebody thinks enough of me to put it on 14-point card stock.

It mattered.

It matters.

Well, anyway, have a good night.

- Thank you, Susan. - You're welcome.

And I'll see you... You know, up on the screen.

Wow.

Wow.

Susan Ireland. Rest in peace.

Hi! You've reached Susan Ireland,

No, no, no, no, no.

Susan!

Susan!

What?

No!

It's going to be okay, tag.

Your hair...

Smells really nice.

Tag. No.

No.