Original subtitles

Previously on surrealestate.

The story is pretty consistent.

There is something in the house making it hard for us to sell

and we make it go away.

I've come to understand the danger and futility

of holding onto something too tight.

Even something you love.

I'm making Susan full partner in the agency.

August will be leaving us.

Come back to asdra, August. Come back to me.

And zooey will be starting law school in the fall.

Wherever you go from here, there is something about home.

This is home.

Judy, come on.

I saw the carpeting they're proposing. It's awful.

That thin institutional brown carpeting

you'd find in a low-end nursing home.

Kind of place you go to die.

We're a luxury retirement lifestyle alternative.

A place you go to live.

You can't say that credibly and have dog-vomity floors.

No. Tell her I wanna see thick and luxurious.

Those people are paying a fortune and, like,

half of them are fall risks.

I want something soft and pretty to land on.

Look, I'll be back in the office next week.

Tell 'em to have some swatches ready.

What is this?

I'm out, Carl!

And I'm coming for you!

I mean, what exactly are we waiting for?

Just one more item.

Our associate should be here with it any minute.

- Lomax, have you got it? - Got it!

You're lucky I still had my dad's key to the columbarium.

I didn't even know what a columbarium was.

I had to look it up. Well, you almost here?

Yeah, I'm, like, two minutes out.

So, we're pretty sure that the screams are coming frm

the wife of the original owner of the house.

She was separated from her husband when he died

in a warehouse fire in 1931. That's Edward right up there.

What, he... it came with the house.

He doesn't look very nice.

Well, the stroke of midnight marks their 100th anniversary.

If our research is correct, she should appear at the top of

- those stairs anytime now. - And then what?

- We found her husband's ashes. - They should be here any minute.

We'll give them to her which will inspire her to move along.

Shit.

Who are you? What do you want?

Housekeeper.

Housekeeper for the cheevers.

- He... give me... - Condition.

- Condition? - He got her pregnant.

My god!

Murdered!

Stuffed in the chimney, but still alive.

I burn... so long!

I'm so sorry.

What do you want now?

Vengeance!

Ch-ch-ch-cheever should bu-bu-burn!

Tell her about the fire.

He did burn.

In 1931. He burned, he died.

He burned.

And then he burned again.

You got your vengeance twice over.

It's a good thing they didn't Bury the son of a bitch.

So, with the benefit of hindsight, we know

she was a housemaid working for the cheevers.

He got her pregnant. Instead of doing right by her,

killed her and stuffed her in the chimney.

But she was still alive.

Tell me again where we got this

"bereaved wife waiting to be reunited with hubby," story?

That would be our latest research intern

slash receptionist, Roger.

Maybe it is time someone had an earnest conversation with Roger

about the importance of getting these things right.

- That won't be necessary. - I received roger's

text of resignation this morning.

"I'm gone. Peace out."

Three of them were misspelled.

- Which one did he get right? - None.

He sent an emoji of a peace sign so it's hard to screw that up.

- It's probably for the best. - But we gotta keep trying.

Get the listings back on the job sites.

Never took 'em down.

It has been three years.

We've been at this new place almost six months

and we still haven't found a replacement for Phil.

And we've found, what? 34 replacements for zooey.

35! Roger, we hardly knew ye.

- And they all ended badly. - I'm still meeting August

in underground parking garages for new pkt transformers.

These aren't people you replace easily.

Yes. I know.

Mr. Macneil. We weren't expecting you back so soon.

Well, shit, Carl.

You went and died without me.

So why're you back so soon?

Too much to do.

Juuudy?

Judy. Too much to do. Too many...

Carpets to look at and make sure they're... fluffy.

Okay.

They brought over these swatch books.

There's a bunch of colors, thicknesses.

Norman says don't pick anything out of the corona do collection

or we'll be way over budget.

If I want the corona do collection,

then corona do I shall have.

Okay.

Scram. I'll look at these.

I said beat it!

It'll take me, like, 30 seconds to pick the rugs into which

these old critters'll want to aspirate their terminal breath.

Turn around and walk that way.

Thanks, Judy.

Little Luke.

All growed up.

And he sells houses.

Gross.

Joey?

Joey!?

Are you riding the north 40?

I gotta keep riding.

Did your horsey tell you that?

Nope. Cowboy Rick told me.

Who's cowboy Rick?

- He's the cowboy who smiles. - He comes to my room at night.

That's probably just a dream.

No! Cowboy Rick is real!

He comes to my room, and he smiles.

And he tells me I need to learn to ride fast

so I can go with him!

Come on, Joey.

Joey! Let's go get a cookie!

Okay.

This way. Come on.

Roman/ireland. This is Brandon. How may I direct your call?

I made it very clear to miss Lomax

awesome. Yeah, okay.

So you-you want to talk to her, right?

That's why you hire a real estate agent.

- Okay, yeah. No. - Th-that's great, but, but first

you want to talk to her, right?

Yeah, yeah. I, I really think you should talk to her, right?

Okay. Yeah. Just... okay, hang on.

Hey, Lomax?! Right. Button.

Yeah, hey, there's a guy on the phone for you that's

really mad about something you did.

Right, yeah.

No, I'll-I'll do that. Just-just a sec. Hi.

- Hi. - Hi. Could I get a name please?

Right. Okay.

Hey, the name, it was...

Worshesters... Buh-buh worshintie parkert

what'd you do that for? I was so close.

Always defer to the person in your face

before the person on the phone. It's why they gave you

a hold button instead of a handgun.

Zooey I'enfant to see Susan, please.

- Miss Ireland is busy. - Is she expecting you?

Stay gold, ponyboy.

Zooey! How are you?

It's been ages. Ages! How's work?

- It's good! Yeah. - So adult, but I love it.

At least I will, once I figure out what I'm doing.

- That's great. - You know, I cannot

keep coming in here to train every one of these

hamsters you bring in to answer the phone.

- I have a day job, you know. - I know.

There's just no one who does what you do.

I know not with what weapons

world war III will be fought,

"but world war iv will be fought with sticks and stones."

Albert Einstein.

What's your point?

My point is,

we should be focused on the advancement of mankind,

not its annihilation.

That initiatives like this probe to Venus

should be viewed as a glimpse into the unknown

to answer great existential questions,

not just a hunt for a new platform

from which to launch offensive weapons

against as yet unidentified adversaries.

Shall I,

break out the sock puppets and explain it again, or...?

Ripley, you needn't be condescending.

We're all on the same team.

And yet clearly some of us have been more rigorous

about wearing our helmets.

The a-s-d-r-a mandate is military.

Our money is military.

Your pure science was rather quaint at first

but now, frankly, we find it frivolous and annoying.

If you find our mission so distasteful,

why do you stay?

Shacking up with the boss.

Never mind.

- Hey. Got a sec? - Sure. What's up?

- Heading to the barnett's house. - Wanted to get a gut check first.

My guts are yours.

So, we sold it as a normie

but they're already having some... issues.

Their son's saying some weird things.

There's some odd noises, smells.

Smells?

She said it was like fertilizer.

- Manure. - Plumbing? Septic?

Nothing showed up in the inspection.

I'm having a plumber come and check it out.

But the creepy thing is the kid.

He claims to have a friend.

Cowboy. Cowboy Rick.

Talks about him all the time. It freaks the parents out.

You did a pkt before writing the contract?

- Clean as a whistle. - Did you miss anything?

As confident as I can be. I know how to use augie's stuff.

I just don't understand it.

Yeah. Nobody does except augie.

Anyway, I'm gonna talk to them. And then I'll follow up

with the previous owner, see if he knows anything.

I'll drive by. See if anything jumps out at me.

So, I saw Megan the other day.

She looked... great.

It's what she does.

She saves lives and she looks great.

- Are you two...? - Megan is seeing a urologist.

I understand that it's serious.

Urology is a serious business.

So I've been told.

I, myself, am dating again.

Good for you.

I mean, part of having a healthy work-life balance

is getting out there.

Well, go get 'em, tiger.

- I just hope it's nice. - Or at least survivable.

Me too.

But in case it's not, I always set an alarm

on my phone for 45 minutes in.

If the date's going well, then I just say it was

a reminder to call a client or take medication.

- But if it sucks... - Grampa's dying.

Head for the exit.

Here's hoping grampa lives.

Place is really shaping up.

Your furniture looks great in here.

Thanks. I hate to be a complainer.

I had to come by and pick up our sign, anyway.

We always want to make sure our clients are happy

in their new homes.

It isn't so much the noises, or even the smell.

I'm sorry, I don't

it comes and goes. And when it comes,

it's in waves. But that's not my biggest worry.

It's Joey.

It's understandable.

He's always been a pretty down-to-earth kid

and now all he can talk about is cowboy Rick.

Kids joey's age have such rich imaginations.

- I wouldn't... - then I noticed this.

I'm pretty sure that wasn't there when we bought it.

Anything else?

My.

Where's my buckaroo?

He was right here.

This evil western person in a long coat and a hat.

- Did you see him? - No. By then he was gone.

Marian was hyperventilating, Joey was crying. It was crazy.

- Yeah, I'm sure. - He was here.

Right outside joey's room. He called him his buckaroo!

What does he want with Joey?

There's really no reason to think joey's in danger.

This thing had a gun!

- Tell her about the gun! - Silver, shiny, in a holster.

- Like the cowboys used to have. - I don't think

there was a man with a gun in our house

outside our little boy's room! What are you gonna do about it?

Hi, babe. Didn't think you'd be home.

Mwah!

Vonda.

How was the fishing trip?

- Liberating. - Ooh! Don't forget.

We have that thing for juvenile diabetes

tomorrow night.

We're against it, right?

It's biz casual,

so I've got to come home from the club to change.

Vonda... I've been thinking, vonda.

It's time for a couple of changes.

What do you have in mind?

I'm gonna sell this house.

It's just not me anymore.

But... but you love this house.

You only built it a year ago.

I love this house.

What, what, what's wrong with it?

It's so nice.

It's big and open.

I'm used to something a bit more enclosed.

I... I don't understand.

You don't have to.

I'm going to call a real estate agent.

- Tyler! - This is super sudden.

Actually, it's been a very long time coming.

In fact, I've already got a guy in mind.

Look, I lived in the place for 20 years.

Never saw anything like that.

Anything strange ever, Mr. Yurth?

- Never. - Any...

Cowboys in your family?

I'm an accountant.

My father was an accountant.

My grandfather, too.

Look, we've had a high-profile client

running us 24 hours the last few weeks.

If there's nothing else.

Thank you for your time.

May I call you if anything comes up?

I guess so.

Do you have a card, or...

But, honestly, if those people are seeing a cowboy,

they rode in with him.

So have you worked the front desk at a businesses before?

- Yeah, yeah. - I've learned lots.

Great. Forget everything 'cause this is completely different.

Okay, how do I put this?

The gates of hell is protected by a three-headed dog

named Cerberus. That's you. You're Cerberus.

Do I get dental?

Benefits kick in the first day of the month after hire.

'kay? Anyways, Cerberus

wait, how long do you work here before you got a raise?

Brandon, focus, okay? I'm only going to be here

for a short period of time imparting all of this wisdom

and shit, so you really need to take advantage of me.

I like the sound of that.

God, I was not meant to be the adult in the room.

Cerberus. S...

Okay.

That was in sixth gra.

It was the seventh grade that I really blossomed.

This ninth grader threw me a football,

out of nowhere. Somehow I managed

to drop my books, put my hands up and caught it.

Just grabbed it.

That's when I knew football would be my passion.

- I never really loved sports. - I was more of a theatre kid.

Prophecy. That's what it was.

By the time I was a senior, I was an all-city tight end.

I'd've made the pros.

But I blew out my knee, got my girlfriend pregnant.

No! Boompah!

Hey, you gonna eat that?

So how was the date?

You know... I think that flipping a house

is very much like dressing up a dead body

for an open casket service.

Well, thanks for that.

No, you're fixing it up to be comforting

and presentable to those who would view it.

My mom and I always swore we'd do this one day.

Buy an old house, fix it up,

drink some wine, hang some drywall and sell it

at an obscene profit.

The perfect place never came along

until just before she, you know,

just before she got sick.

We thought we had all the time in the world.

Constance was lovely.

We code-named this place Bali hai.

Her favorite song in her favorite musical.

Listen, do you mind if I dig into that barnett house?

I think there's something there.

Be my guest.

They're tired of looking at my face.

I want my buckaroo!

Where's Joey? You can't have him!

Tell me where he is.

Wh-where's my son?

Ned!

- Joey, where were you? - He was in the bathroom!

What's going on? Who are you talking to?

- - Here! Here! - It is the beating

of his hideous heart!

What a charming place for a clandestine meeting.

It's quickly turning into our satellite office.

Practically next door. It's like a second conference room

- with cold beer on tap. - Lovely.

So, what can I

- did you...? - That's Lloyd.

Been coming here for months. I haven't had to order once.

He just... knows.

Remarkable.

So, here's the deal.

I got a spooky cowboy that's threatening to

take away a little boy.

Dear.

Something there, August. It's real.

I don't think it's evil, but, it's something.

You have diagnostic tools I left behind.

I know. But what if we need something stronger?

A child is in danger. Correct?

I believe I have an item that will do the trick.

But Luke, please, use it with discretion.

Over the past three years, I have discovered

the ability to compartmentalize the responsibility

for creating terrible weapons

safely away from that of deploying them.

But in my dark nights of the soul, I realize that,

in the end, it's...

It's just the same.

Barnetts are staying at a hotel tonight.

This would be the time.

I'll have a courier send it over.

Hello?

Howdy.

Where's my buckaroo?

He's not here. His mom and his dad,

- they took him somewhere safe. - No!

Not the child.

I don't know these people!

Where's my buckaroo?

I need to find him.

I thought I made it clear that I had no idea

what your clients were seeing inside the house

I no longer live in!

You did.

Nice place. Bigger than the last place.

I wanted to ask you about your father.

You have a picture of him?

He died three years ago.

I...

That's him.

He kept saying he was looking for his buckaroo.

That's what he used to call me.

When I was a kid.

When I came to work for him...

This was years later,

I mean, I had to beg him,

please, stop calling me that name. It's...

Unprofessional.

The house is empty.

The barnetts, they won't come back

until this thing is settled.

Your move, buckaroo.

- Hi. - Hello.

You okay?

I'm just tired.

Dealing with your associates makes me tired all over.

Well, if it's any comfort, you're wearing them out, too.

Not at all comforting.

Augie, you don't have to

I quit asdra once, as an impulsive young man.

To do so again would be to admit I have learned nothing.

That is weakness.

Something I loathe in myself.

I fell in love with that impulsive young man.

Perhaps that was your weakness.

What if he's dangerous?

He's your dad.

And he's been looking for you.

My little buckaroo.

Dad?

What... What is this?

What are you doing?

Ever since I was a little boy,

I dreamed of being a cowboy.

Way before you were born,

the summer of '67,

I had the summer off before I started college.

Worked on a ranch.

You?

I rode.

I herded cattle.

I slept under the stars.

Even rodeoed.

Came in third, team ropin'.

It was the best summer I ever had.

I wished it would never end, but...

It did.

Why?

If you were happy.

My father.

No son of his was going to waste his life

on the back of a horse.

Went to work at the family firm,

got married,

raised a son.

A good son.

And then I died.

And I went somewhere where...

Dreams come true.

You can live the life that you might'a had.

You know?

So I'm a cowboy.

But I had to come back and tell you

live your dreams.

Don't die with them.

Remember when you took us sailing?

That week in nantucket.

That was the most fun I ever had in my life.

I never went out on a sailboat again.

So you're a sailor?

Don't wait to do the good things, Kirby.

I love you, son.

I love you, dad.

My work here is done.

Don't you have to get to work?

I'm leaving. But I just needed to tell you

that not only is Brandon dumber than undercooked meat,

he's also a walking hr violation.

- Kid hit on me. Three times. - Terrific.

Honestly, I don't think he's gonna last the week.

Someone might jingle their car keys

and he'd get distracted and leave.

I'm never going to find a replacement for you, am I?

Or Phil. Or August.

Okay, but that's the thing. It's been three years!

Stop trying to replace us.

You know, find some new talent, give 'em some love

for who they are instead of expecting them to be...

Well, us.

And one more thing.

Thank you.

For?

For shaming me into going to law school.

I mean, I feel like I'm in way, way over my head and, honestly,

I feel like I'm gonna get fired almost every day, but.

I also feel like I'm

where I was meant to be.

The kind of feeling you must have every day, right?

Not every day.

Anyways, thank you.

By the way, in case he mentions it,

I am going on a date with Brandon tonight.

Third time was the charm.

- I'm glad you called. - I almost forgot.

Don't you doctors have appointment books?

Yeah, we have them... We just ignore them.

He slays me.

Did you order this?

Lloyd knows.

Well,

to old friends.

Old friends.

So, what's his name?

Hunter.

First or last?

Doctor hunter manderly.

- Hunter manderly. - Okay.

Sounds like a guy from a romance novel.

Does he have a flowing flaxen mane?

Don't be a jerk.

Are you seeing anyone these days?

Nobody serious.

I stay busy running my vast real estate empire.

What do you hear from Phil?

Well, sounds like the vatican's got him traveling a lot.

Anthony's restoring

some old church and felicity's in her terrible twos.

Phil says it gives him a new appreciation

for the demons he can control.

Well, hunter and I have been talking about

going to Rome in the spring. I'd love to see them.

I'll get you the number.

I, I made a note to call zooey next week.

I need to do up a will.

I just saw her the other day.

And Susan. Susan says hi.

Hi, Susan.

It just...

It feels like all the kids are growing up.

Zooey is a lawyer.

August is designing killer satellites, or something.

Phil's off fighting the forces of darkness and you!

You're an er doctor saving lives.

Ordering "ringers lactate. Stat!"

Everyone's evolving.

Making bold moves forward.

And here you are.

Yep.

Here I still am.

Are you okay?

I am magnificent.

I ask because you're just kinda...

Not yourself.

Now you're just hurting my feelings.

Are you sure you want to sell this house?

Don't change, Tyler.

I like you just the way you are.

Payback's a bitch, little Luke.

And it's coming for you.