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1
00:00:05,405 --> 00:00:07,841
-The defendant is
a jilted lover charged
2
00:00:07,874 --> 00:00:11,277
with destruction of property
for branding her former partner
3
00:00:11,311 --> 00:00:13,313
with a scarlet letter.
4
00:00:14,881 --> 00:00:16,616
-I'm sorry. Branding?
5
00:00:16,649 --> 00:00:18,651
I think a couple of painted
shirts was not only warranted,
6
00:00:18,685 --> 00:00:23,289
but also a classy
literary reference.
7
00:00:23,323 --> 00:00:25,091
-According to the defendant,
8
00:00:25,125 --> 00:00:27,193
this is not based
on any literary work.
9
00:00:27,227 --> 00:00:29,429
The "A" is for "asshat."
10
00:00:30,663 --> 00:00:33,466
-Regardless, there is
nothing innocent about this man,
11
00:00:33,500 --> 00:00:36,202
which this witness
will attest to.
12
00:00:36,236 --> 00:00:40,206
This is the TaskRabbit
that he hired to dump my client.
13
00:00:40,240 --> 00:00:42,509
-That's right.
We do all kinds of odd jobs.
14
00:00:42,542 --> 00:00:47,480
Last week, I dressed up like
a ghost to scare a mean old man.
15
00:00:47,514 --> 00:00:48,548
-Time served.
16
00:00:48,581 --> 00:00:50,517
And the next time
you have to deliver bad news,
17
00:00:50,550 --> 00:00:54,120
do it like a normal coward --
fake your own death.
18
00:00:54,154 --> 00:00:56,823
Five-minute recess.
19
00:00:56,856 --> 00:00:58,324
I'm sorry, sir,
20
00:00:58,358 --> 00:01:00,493
models for the Nike shoot
are down the hall.
21
00:01:00,527 --> 00:01:02,729
-Just wanted to say hi
before I head to my pickup game.
22
00:01:02,762 --> 00:01:04,864
-Hi.
23
00:01:04,898 --> 00:01:07,534
-Jake.
I didn't know you ball.
24
00:01:07,567 --> 00:01:09,469
That seems kind of risky
in those ultra-low tops.
25
00:01:09,502 --> 00:01:11,471
-Well, they're primarily
to accommodate my bunions.
26
00:01:11,504 --> 00:01:12,872
I'm in the middle
of a blister cycle --
27
00:01:12,906 --> 00:01:15,608
-Say no more.
28
00:01:15,642 --> 00:01:17,744
Please.
29
00:01:17,777 --> 00:01:19,746
-So, what'd you get me?
30
00:01:19,779 --> 00:01:21,448
Our six-month anniversary?
31
00:01:21,481 --> 00:01:23,383
The traditional gift is
Tupperware.
32
00:01:23,416 --> 00:01:26,319
-Oh, I'm so sorry.
I totally blew it. Stupid!
33
00:01:26,353 --> 00:01:29,222
And I was just
at a Tupperware store.
34
00:01:29,255 --> 00:01:30,523
-Just kidding.
35
00:01:30,557 --> 00:01:32,392
People don't celebrate
six months of anything.
36
00:01:32,425 --> 00:01:35,662
Unless your doctor
only gave you five.
37
00:01:35,695 --> 00:01:37,530
-Well, I didn't know.
38
00:01:37,564 --> 00:01:39,833
This is the longest relationship
I've ever been in.
39
00:01:39,866 --> 00:01:41,401
[ Chuckles ]
40
00:01:45,638 --> 00:01:49,376
-Look at me
laying tracks on fresh powder.
41
00:01:49,409 --> 00:01:52,145
Anyway, have fun tonight.
-Okay.
42
00:01:54,547 --> 00:01:56,282
-Does anyone else think
it's weird that...
43
00:01:56,316 --> 00:01:57,484
-He's never been
in a relationship
44
00:01:57,517 --> 00:01:59,419
more than six months?
Hell, yeah.
45
00:01:59,452 --> 00:02:00,920
-Weirdo.
-Big red flag.
46
00:02:00,954 --> 00:02:02,622
-Run.
47
00:02:03,823 --> 00:02:06,659
-Great. So we're all
on the same page, then.
48
00:02:06,693 --> 00:02:13,333
**
49
00:02:13,366 --> 00:02:15,435
I'm probably overthinking
this-six month thing.
50
00:02:15,468 --> 00:02:17,437
Maybe Jake is just
unlucky in love.
51
00:02:17,470 --> 00:02:19,639
-Or maybe something really
freaky comes out at six months,
52
00:02:19,673 --> 00:02:21,941
like he wants to make a suit
out of your skin.
53
00:02:21,975 --> 00:02:24,944
Or worse -- he's a Disney adult.
54
00:02:24,978 --> 00:02:28,548
-No, I think I would know
if Jake was a secret freak.
55
00:02:28,581 --> 00:02:30,550
-What was that?
-What was what?
56
00:02:30,583 --> 00:02:33,586
-Call Meryl Streep, Wyatt,
because that was Doubt.
57
00:02:34,287 --> 00:02:36,456
-Okay, maybe
there's a little bit of doubt,
58
00:02:36,489 --> 00:02:39,325
but that's just because
things started out so great.
59
00:02:39,359 --> 00:02:40,960
I met his mom at three weeks.
60
00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:45,231
I stopped pretending to like
his guitar playing at five.
61
00:02:45,265 --> 00:02:47,267
And now it feels like
we hit a wall.
62
00:02:47,300 --> 00:02:48,668
We haven't even said
"I love you."
63
00:02:48,702 --> 00:02:50,303
-Probably 'cause it's weird
to say "I love you"
64
00:02:50,337 --> 00:02:52,572
to someone you're gonna
make into a suit.
65
00:02:52,605 --> 00:02:54,841
-Jake is definitely
hiding something.
66
00:02:54,874 --> 00:02:56,409
His sneakers? Those are not
67
00:02:56,443 --> 00:02:59,579
bunion-accommodating
basketball shoes.
68
00:02:59,612 --> 00:03:02,682
These are bunion-accommodating
basketball shoes.
69
00:03:02,716 --> 00:03:04,918
-So -- So what are you saying?
That he's lying to me
70
00:03:04,951 --> 00:03:06,453
about playing basketball
every Thursday?
71
00:03:06,486 --> 00:03:07,854
-I'll put it like this.
72
00:03:07,887 --> 00:03:11,324
My ex-wife took a French
cooking class for a year.
73
00:03:11,358 --> 00:03:13,460
Ask me how many quiches I had.
74
00:03:13,493 --> 00:03:16,329
None, Abby. None quiches.
75
00:03:17,564 --> 00:03:18,998
-There's only one way
to know for sure.
76
00:03:19,032 --> 00:03:22,002
We tail him and do a stakeout.
No --
77
00:03:22,035 --> 00:03:25,572
-A Jake-out.
Yeah, we all got there.
78
00:03:25,605 --> 00:03:28,608
I'm not gonna spy
on my boy..."Friends"
79
00:03:28,641 --> 00:03:29,909
was a good show.
80
00:03:29,943 --> 00:03:32,746
Monica was the neat one.
81
00:03:32,779 --> 00:03:34,614
-I just popped in
to grab a water for the game.
82
00:03:34,647 --> 00:03:37,017
-Oh. Hey.
Uh, what if I came by tonight
83
00:03:37,050 --> 00:03:38,818
and watched you hoop it up?
-No!
84
00:03:38,852 --> 00:03:41,554
I mean, you can't.
They keep spectators out
85
00:03:41,588 --> 00:03:43,656
because there are some
pretty big celebrities who play.
86
00:03:43,690 --> 00:03:45,725
-Really? Like who?
87
00:03:45,759 --> 00:03:47,360
-Uh, Ariana Grande
88
00:03:47,394 --> 00:03:48,795
and Everybody Loves Raymond.
89
00:03:48,828 --> 00:03:52,032
Fun fact -- on the court,
not everybody loves him.
90
00:03:52,065 --> 00:03:54,367
Anyway, see you later.
91
00:03:56,536 --> 00:03:58,538
-Okay, fine!
We'll go on the Jake-out.
92
00:04:00,640 --> 00:04:02,375
-Well, how do you like that,
Dan?
93
00:04:02,409 --> 00:04:03,977
Nine wins in a row.
94
00:04:04,010 --> 00:04:06,913
-An entire baseball team being
convicted of indecent exposure
95
00:04:06,946 --> 00:04:10,383
is one win, not nine.
96
00:04:10,417 --> 00:04:11,751
-I know it's a long shot,
but do you know
97
00:04:11,785 --> 00:04:13,420
where I could get binoculars
this time of night?
98
00:04:13,453 --> 00:04:16,322
-Opera or stalking?
99
00:04:16,356 --> 00:04:17,691
-It's not stalking.
100
00:04:17,724 --> 00:04:20,060
I'm just covertly following
my lying boyfriend
101
00:04:20,093 --> 00:04:21,027
to see what he's up to.
102
00:04:21,061 --> 00:04:22,929
-So stalking, then.
103
00:04:22,962 --> 00:04:25,699
Try the evidence locker.
A lot of peeping toms this week.
104
00:04:25,732 --> 00:04:26,833
It's the weather.
105
00:04:29,102 --> 00:04:32,439
-Ooh! I don't miss those days.
106
00:04:32,472 --> 00:04:34,541
Suspicious of every boyfriend,
107
00:04:34,574 --> 00:04:36,810
eavesdropping on calls,
108
00:04:36,843 --> 00:04:40,513
taking little cat naps on
the branch outside their window.
109
00:04:43,983 --> 00:04:47,721
-Yeah, I can't relate,
mostly because I'm not insane.
110
00:04:47,754 --> 00:04:50,023
But also I'm a very good judge
of character.
111
00:04:50,056 --> 00:04:51,358
-Oh, really?
112
00:04:51,391 --> 00:04:53,026
Because you did ask me out
113
00:04:53,059 --> 00:04:56,563
while I was actively
planning your destruction.
114
00:04:56,596 --> 00:04:58,665
Although, in your defense, uh,
115
00:04:58,698 --> 00:05:00,600
you were blinded because
of your attraction to me,
116
00:05:00,633 --> 00:05:02,902
and you probably still are.
117
00:05:04,170 --> 00:05:07,107
-Oh, Julianne,
this is so exciting.
118
00:05:07,140 --> 00:05:09,542
I've never used
this phrase before.
119
00:05:09,576 --> 00:05:11,945
-Hmm?
-As if.
120
00:05:13,747 --> 00:05:17,450
-Oh, really? So you have no
feelings for me whatsoever?
121
00:05:17,484 --> 00:05:20,954
Even if I stroked your arm...
122
00:05:22,622 --> 00:05:24,491
...and looked into your eyes
123
00:05:24,524 --> 00:05:27,460
and listened while you explained
124
00:05:27,494 --> 00:05:29,896
how the Brooklyn Bridge
was built?
125
00:05:32,665 --> 00:05:34,768
You wouldn't feel anything?
126
00:05:34,801 --> 00:05:36,836
-Oh, Julianne,
127
00:05:36,870 --> 00:05:40,607
you're gonna have to do
a lot better than that.
128
00:05:40,640 --> 00:05:41,975
Unlike the Brooklyn Bridge,
129
00:05:42,008 --> 00:05:44,511
[New York accent]
you ain't that hard to get over.
130
00:05:46,980 --> 00:05:51,818
**
131
00:05:51,851 --> 00:05:53,753
-You know,
when I agreed to do a stakeout,
132
00:05:53,787 --> 00:05:56,489
I didn't realize that we'd be
in a car the color of the sun
133
00:05:56,523 --> 00:05:58,725
with a license plate
that says "GURGS."
134
00:06:00,827 --> 00:06:03,697
-Don't worry.
We know what we're doing.
135
00:06:04,998 --> 00:06:07,400
He's getting out of his car!
Get down!
136
00:06:10,637 --> 00:06:13,073
-Oh, he's getting something
out of the trunk.
137
00:06:13,106 --> 00:06:14,941
Oh, it's a duffle bag.
138
00:06:14,974 --> 00:06:16,609
-See? The story checks out.
139
00:06:16,643 --> 00:06:19,512
He's parked outside a gym
with a bag full of basketballs.
140
00:06:19,546 --> 00:06:21,147
-Those aren't basketballs.
141
00:06:21,181 --> 00:06:22,916
And as the returning champion
of an unaired game show
142
00:06:22,949 --> 00:06:25,752
called "What's In That Bag,"
I would know.
143
00:06:25,785 --> 00:06:27,654
-You're crazy.
-Sorry, Abby.
144
00:06:27,687 --> 00:06:30,757
I gotta know...
What's! In! That! Bag!
145
00:06:31,524 --> 00:06:33,560
-Gurgs, get back here.
146
00:06:33,593 --> 00:06:36,096
Oh, no. I'm not here.
I'm not seeing this.
147
00:06:36,129 --> 00:06:37,797
-Uh, no one's seeing anything.
148
00:06:37,831 --> 00:06:41,668
I think Gurgs just dropped
a smoke bomb for cover.
149
00:06:41,701 --> 00:06:42,869
-What?!
150
00:06:42,902 --> 00:06:45,939
What did you do?!
You -- You took his bag?
151
00:06:45,972 --> 00:06:47,874
-I was in and out.
Burn rubber, Wyatt!
152
00:06:47,907 --> 00:06:49,976
-I'm in the back seat.
-Oh. [ Chuckles ]
153
00:06:50,010 --> 00:06:52,212
These goggles don't work.
I can't see.
154
00:06:52,245 --> 00:06:53,713
[ Tires screech ]
155
00:06:55,248 --> 00:06:56,850
-I think we may have
figured out
156
00:06:56,883 --> 00:06:59,719
why Jake can't hold on
to a girlfriend.
157
00:07:02,689 --> 00:07:03,823
-I'm gonna say it.
158
00:07:10,196 --> 00:07:10,964
-Okay, there has to be
an explanation
159
00:07:12,766 --> 00:07:14,000
for why Jake has this doll.
-There is.
160
00:07:14,034 --> 00:07:16,269
You're not getting it done
in the bedroom.
161
00:07:16,302 --> 00:07:18,071
-We don't know
it's that kind of doll.
162
00:07:18,104 --> 00:07:19,973
Maybe he uses it as a companion.
163
00:07:20,006 --> 00:07:23,043
-So he's in the friend zone
with a sex doll?
164
00:07:23,076 --> 00:07:24,110
[ Knock on door ]
165
00:07:24,144 --> 00:07:25,578
-Abs? It's Jake.
166
00:07:25,612 --> 00:07:26,579
Why is the door locked?
167
00:07:26,613 --> 00:07:28,281
-Here I come. Um...
168
00:07:28,314 --> 00:07:30,750
I was just, uh,
fighting off a dog!
169
00:07:30,784 --> 00:07:32,686
-Woof-woof!
-[ High-pitched ] Yip, yip!
170
00:07:32,719 --> 00:07:35,522
-I said adog, not two dogs.
171
00:07:35,555 --> 00:07:37,791
Just get rid of it!
172
00:07:42,328 --> 00:07:43,897
-Wh-- Are you all right?
173
00:07:43,930 --> 00:07:45,732
It sounded like
you were fighting off two dogs.
174
00:07:45,765 --> 00:07:48,068
-Oh, yeah. It's okay.
Wyatt threw them out the window
175
00:07:48,101 --> 00:07:51,638
when he could have easily
just put them in the closet!
176
00:07:51,671 --> 00:07:54,541
Have a good hoop sesh, babe?
-No, I was robbed.
177
00:07:54,574 --> 00:07:56,309
Someone smoked-bombed me
and took my bag.
178
00:07:56,343 --> 00:07:59,012
[ All gasping ]
179
00:07:59,045 --> 00:08:01,181
-Do you have any idea
who did it
180
00:08:01,214 --> 00:08:04,217
or how yellow their car was?
181
00:08:04,250 --> 00:08:06,152
-Come on, Gurgs,
we should go down to the alley
182
00:08:06,186 --> 00:08:07,320
and check on our friend.
183
00:08:07,354 --> 00:08:09,122
-She's no friend of mine.
184
00:08:09,155 --> 00:08:10,857
She's sleeping
with my friend's boyfriend.
185
00:08:14,127 --> 00:08:15,662
-So sorry about your bag,
186
00:08:15,695 --> 00:08:17,664
but the main thing is
you're okay.
187
00:08:17,697 --> 00:08:20,266
-Yeah. I-I'm fine.
188
00:08:20,300 --> 00:08:22,736
Actually, no, I'm not fine.
189
00:08:22,769 --> 00:08:24,738
And I'm tired of lying to you.
190
00:08:24,771 --> 00:08:26,906
Someone important to me
was in that bag,
191
00:08:26,940 --> 00:08:28,942
someone I should have told you
about a long time ago.
192
00:08:28,975 --> 00:08:30,777
-Oh, oh, you don't need to.
193
00:08:30,810 --> 00:08:32,812
I'm sure I'll learn about her
eventually,
194
00:08:32,846 --> 00:08:34,814
at which point I'd either be
ready to get weird
195
00:08:34,848 --> 00:08:38,852
or just tag out
and come back for cuddles.
196
00:08:38,885 --> 00:08:40,987
-The truth is, I don't play
basketball every week.
197
00:08:41,021 --> 00:08:43,690
I'm...
198
00:08:43,723 --> 00:08:46,292
a cheerleader.
199
00:08:46,326 --> 00:08:47,694
I was on my way to cheer tonight
200
00:08:47,727 --> 00:08:49,596
when my training dummy
got stolen.
201
00:08:49,629 --> 00:08:51,765
I use her to practice lifts
and throws.
202
00:08:51,798 --> 00:08:53,967
-[ Laughs ] Of course!
It was a training dummy
203
00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:56,302
you use to practice lifts
and throws.
204
00:08:56,336 --> 00:08:59,839
What else would you do with
a life-sized rubber woman?
205
00:08:59,873 --> 00:09:01,608
-You're really not freaked out?
206
00:09:01,641 --> 00:09:02,876
Because the cheerleading thing
has been
207
00:09:02,909 --> 00:09:04,244
a dealbreaker for other women.
208
00:09:04,277 --> 00:09:05,845
-Well, those women clearly
didn't consider
209
00:09:05,879 --> 00:09:08,848
the more perverted alternatives.
210
00:09:08,882 --> 00:09:11,718
-I am just so happy
this is finally out in the open.
211
00:09:11,751 --> 00:09:15,889
Ah, yes! Ah! Ah!
212
00:09:17,223 --> 00:09:19,626
-So Jake's a male cheerleader?
213
00:09:19,659 --> 00:09:23,096
Yeah, that explains why he needs
a pretend lady in a duffel bag.
214
00:09:23,129 --> 00:09:25,632
-No, he uses her for lifts
and throws.
215
00:09:25,665 --> 00:09:27,233
-Abby, I have two kids.
216
00:09:27,267 --> 00:09:29,903
You don't have to tell me
how sex works.
217
00:09:29,936 --> 00:09:31,838
-This would have been nice
to know
218
00:09:31,871 --> 00:09:33,640
before you stole his doll
and lost it.
219
00:09:33,673 --> 00:09:34,841
-Lost it? Doris is missing?
220
00:09:34,874 --> 00:09:36,810
-She has a name?
-Yes, it's Doris,
221
00:09:36,843 --> 00:09:38,211
and we're all fine with it.
222
00:09:38,244 --> 00:09:41,081
-Well, Doris was gone
when we got to the alley.
223
00:09:41,114 --> 00:09:42,649
I don't know
what you were thinking
224
00:09:42,682 --> 00:09:43,883
when you threw her
out the window.
225
00:09:43,917 --> 00:09:46,219
Y-You really panicked.
226
00:09:46,252 --> 00:09:48,421
-Well, we have to find her,
or else Jake won't be able
227
00:09:48,455 --> 00:09:51,157
to train for the second-biggest
adult-cheerleading competition
228
00:09:51,191 --> 00:09:53,026
in Central Florida.
229
00:09:53,059 --> 00:09:56,663
-Man, can't anybody be a good,
old-fashioned sicko anymore?
230
00:10:12,846 --> 00:10:14,347
-What?
-[ Chuckles ]
231
00:10:14,381 --> 00:10:16,416
Your sexy dress.
232
00:10:16,449 --> 00:10:20,120
What is this, another move
in your little seduction game?
233
00:10:20,153 --> 00:10:22,389
You thought you'd just throw
that on and I'd be all,
234
00:10:22,422 --> 00:10:27,127
"Awoooga! Awooga!"?
235
00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:29,229
Grow up.
236
00:10:29,262 --> 00:10:31,164
-It's just a dress.
237
00:10:31,197 --> 00:10:33,867
But it's pretty telling
that you called it sexy.
238
00:10:33,900 --> 00:10:36,703
-It is objectively wanton.
Gurgs.
239
00:10:36,736 --> 00:10:38,304
How would you describe
her dress?
240
00:10:38,338 --> 00:10:41,808
-I don't know. Black?
241
00:10:41,841 --> 00:10:43,843
-If I am a little more
dressed up tonight,
242
00:10:43,877 --> 00:10:45,478
it's because I am seeing
my boyfriend.
243
00:10:45,512 --> 00:10:48,114
-Oh, your boyfriend! Yes.
244
00:10:48,148 --> 00:10:51,351
Who I'm hearing about for
the very first time right now.
245
00:10:51,384 --> 00:10:53,086
Just admit what you're doing.
246
00:10:53,119 --> 00:10:54,821
You don't have to go
make up fake --
247
00:10:54,854 --> 00:10:56,089
-Julianna!
-Oh!
248
00:10:56,122 --> 00:10:58,124
-I know I've arrived too soon.
249
00:10:58,158 --> 00:11:00,360
But I couldn't wait
to see you.
250
00:11:00,393 --> 00:11:03,096
-Mm.
-Ah.
251
00:11:03,129 --> 00:11:05,031
-Ew. Eh?
252
00:11:07,534 --> 00:11:10,904
-Oh, this is my boyfriend,
Rodrigo.
253
00:11:10,937 --> 00:11:15,141
And then this is my coworker,
uh, uh...
254
00:11:15,175 --> 00:11:17,110
Dan. That's right.
255
00:11:17,143 --> 00:11:20,280
-Oh, yes, the sad, lonely man
who still has amorfor you.
256
00:11:20,313 --> 00:11:23,016
-Mm.
-I can set you up
with my sister.
257
00:11:23,049 --> 00:11:26,252
She's unwanted,
but she has many extra teeth.
258
00:11:26,286 --> 00:11:27,954
-All right, look,
I don't have to be set up
259
00:11:27,987 --> 00:11:30,990
with no shark-mouth sister,
okay?
260
00:11:31,024 --> 00:11:32,258
Hey, I've got a girlfriend.
261
00:11:32,292 --> 00:11:34,794
Matter of fact,
she's coming here tonight.
262
00:11:34,828 --> 00:11:36,129
-My sister will be
disappointed,
263
00:11:36,162 --> 00:11:37,897
but this is nothing new to her.
264
00:11:37,931 --> 00:11:40,066
She's cursed.
265
00:11:40,100 --> 00:11:41,968
-Well, we're having dinner
in the cafeteria.
266
00:11:42,002 --> 00:11:44,504
Why don't you come by
and say hello?
267
00:11:44,537 --> 00:11:48,775
Otherwise, someone might think
you made your girlfriend up.
268
00:11:52,145 --> 00:11:55,115
-Pretty sexy dress
for court, huh?
269
00:11:55,148 --> 00:11:57,317
-Where were you
five minutes ago?
270
00:11:59,052 --> 00:12:01,921
-Okay! We're strong.
We're tough.
271
00:12:01,955 --> 00:12:03,957
We'll stab your team
in the gut.
272
00:12:03,990 --> 00:12:05,925
We're mean. We're rough.
273
00:12:05,959 --> 00:12:09,062
We'll pull your spine
out your butt!
274
00:12:09,095 --> 00:12:12,966
-Ah! Thank you so much
for helping me train for Tampa.
275
00:12:12,999 --> 00:12:14,234
-Sure, it was a lucky break
276
00:12:14,267 --> 00:12:17,203
that I fit into
all of Doris's clothes.
277
00:12:17,237 --> 00:12:20,273
You always had her
wear clothes, right?
278
00:12:20,306 --> 00:12:22,909
-Okay, so what do you think?
Should we do the full routine?
279
00:12:22,942 --> 00:12:25,912
-In the words of Doris...
280
00:12:25,945 --> 00:12:27,180
-Let's do this.
281
00:12:27,213 --> 00:12:28,948
-* Na-na-na-na-ah-ah*
282
00:12:28,982 --> 00:12:30,183
* Get on the floor*
283
00:12:30,216 --> 00:12:32,819
* Everybody go feel that beat*
284
00:12:32,852 --> 00:12:34,320
* Give me more*
285
00:12:34,354 --> 00:12:37,323
* Move that body
and stomp those feet*
286
00:12:37,357 --> 00:12:41,027
* Show me what you got,
sing it out, ah-la-la-la*
287
00:12:41,061 --> 00:12:42,562
* Clap one, two, three*
288
00:12:42,595 --> 00:12:44,898
* Come on
and stomp all those feet*
289
00:12:44,931 --> 00:12:47,233
* Na-na-na-na-ah-ah*
290
00:12:47,267 --> 00:12:48,601
* Stomp those feet*
291
00:12:48,635 --> 00:12:51,237
* Na-na-na-na-ah-ah*
292
00:12:51,271 --> 00:12:54,874
* Stomp those feet*
293
00:12:54,908 --> 00:12:56,209
-Hey!
-Hey!
294
00:12:56,242 --> 00:12:58,311
-Ah!
-Ah! That was amazing.
295
00:12:58,345 --> 00:13:00,246
-Oh, so much better
than the doll.
296
00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:02,982
Your bones and organs
really add to the experience.
297
00:13:03,016 --> 00:13:04,551
-Oh. I'm blushing.
298
00:13:04,584 --> 00:13:07,287
Oh, because of my real blood!
299
00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:09,989
-This might be the happiest
I've ever been.
300
00:13:10,023 --> 00:13:13,059
Abby, I love you.
301
00:13:13,093 --> 00:13:14,894
-I love you, too.
302
00:13:17,997 --> 00:13:20,433
[ Tense music plays ]
303
00:13:20,467 --> 00:13:28,241
**
304
00:13:33,179 --> 00:13:35,482
-Marge, listen,
I'm hiring you under the table
305
00:13:35,515 --> 00:13:40,420
because I suspect this is not
a rabbit-sanctioned task, okay?
306
00:13:40,453 --> 00:13:43,156
I need you to pretend
to be my girlfriend.
307
00:13:43,189 --> 00:13:45,392
Nothing untoward.
Just a quick hello,
308
00:13:45,425 --> 00:13:47,494
prove you're real,
and then leave.
309
00:13:47,527 --> 00:13:49,295
-It's your 45 minutes.
310
00:13:53,400 --> 00:13:57,504
-You don't even have to be
funny, and yet you are.
311
00:13:57,537 --> 00:13:58,905
-Oh, hi, Julianne.
312
00:13:58,938 --> 00:14:00,340
I like to introduce you
to Marge.
313
00:14:00,373 --> 00:14:02,976
As you can see, you're
on a date with your boyfriend,
314
00:14:03,009 --> 00:14:05,178
and I'm on a date
with my girlfriend.
315
00:14:05,211 --> 00:14:10,450
So if this...was a contest,
we'd be even.
316
00:14:10,483 --> 00:14:14,020
-Uh, aren't you the TaskRabbit
from our case?
317
00:14:14,054 --> 00:14:16,056
-Oh, yes. Yes.
Well, nothing wrong with that.
318
00:14:16,089 --> 00:14:19,359
The Obamas met at work, too.
319
00:14:19,392 --> 00:14:21,194
-Why don't you two
join us for dinner?
320
00:14:21,227 --> 00:14:22,462
-Oh, no, no, no, no,
we wouldn't want to --
321
00:14:22,495 --> 00:14:23,630
-Great. I am starving.
322
00:14:23,663 --> 00:14:27,467
FYI, I can't chew my food
because of a gum condition,
323
00:14:27,500 --> 00:14:30,103
so I swallow things whole
like a snake.
324
00:14:32,238 --> 00:14:35,375
-[ Snorts ]
Whatever my princess wants.
325
00:14:36,643 --> 00:14:39,245
**
326
00:14:41,481 --> 00:14:46,219
-We found her in FAO Schwarz
lying on the Tom Hanks piano.
327
00:14:46,252 --> 00:14:47,954
-She was facedown
on a G-flat like...
328
00:14:47,987 --> 00:14:49,556
* Bong *
329
00:14:51,191 --> 00:14:53,159
So I guess we'll just
drop her off at the gym,
330
00:14:53,193 --> 00:14:55,228
and Jake and start training
with her again.
331
00:14:55,261 --> 00:14:58,665
-Orhere's another idea.
332
00:14:58,698 --> 00:15:01,634
We don't.
333
00:15:01,668 --> 00:15:03,269
Ever since Doris has been gone,
334
00:15:03,303 --> 00:15:05,405
things have been going
really good with me and Jake.
335
00:15:05,438 --> 00:15:06,506
He's not holding back anymore.
336
00:15:06,539 --> 00:15:08,675
-So what are you saying?
[ Gasps ]
337
00:15:08,708 --> 00:15:12,579
You want us to send Doris to
the big duffel bag in the sky?
338
00:15:12,612 --> 00:15:15,315
-No, but just hang on to her
for a few days.
339
00:15:15,348 --> 00:15:16,983
Clean her up.
Maybe give her a bath.
340
00:15:17,017 --> 00:15:18,518
-I don't want to
give her a bath.
341
00:15:18,551 --> 00:15:22,188
What if we connect?
I can't afford that right now.
342
00:15:22,222 --> 00:15:24,090
-You guys,
just help me out here.
343
00:15:24,124 --> 00:15:25,091
He told me he loves me.
344
00:15:25,125 --> 00:15:27,560
-You know, this makes sense.
345
00:15:27,594 --> 00:15:29,262
It's called transference.
346
00:15:29,295 --> 00:15:32,265
Jake came to emotionally
rely on the doll,
347
00:15:32,298 --> 00:15:33,566
and now that it's gone,
348
00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:37,070
he's transferred all
those feelings to you.
349
00:15:37,103 --> 00:15:38,571
-Exactly.
-Not exactly!
350
00:15:38,605 --> 00:15:41,741
I was being sarcastic.
That's insane!
351
00:15:41,775 --> 00:15:43,276
-So let me be insane!
352
00:15:43,309 --> 00:15:45,145
Love makes you do crazy things.
353
00:15:45,178 --> 00:15:48,014
-No, youmake us
do crazy things.
354
00:15:48,048 --> 00:15:50,517
Come on, Wyatt, let's take the
big fake lady down to the morgue
355
00:15:50,550 --> 00:15:54,087
for a makeover
because loveasked us to.
356
00:15:55,655 --> 00:15:58,391
**
357
00:16:03,630 --> 00:16:07,634
-So, anyway, I said,
"Oh, you must be a model."
358
00:16:07,667 --> 00:16:11,171
And you said,
"No, I am one of the foremost
359
00:16:11,204 --> 00:16:14,240
pediatric heart surgeons
in the country.
360
00:16:14,274 --> 00:16:16,443
That's why
I'm in so many magazines."
361
00:16:16,476 --> 00:16:18,111
-[ Chuckles ]
362
00:16:20,347 --> 00:16:23,717
-I am.
Always in a stethoscope.
363
00:16:23,750 --> 00:16:25,819
No shirt.
-Mm.
364
00:16:25,852 --> 00:16:29,656
-You know it's a good story when
it's not funny or interesting.
365
00:16:29,689 --> 00:16:31,224
-But enough about us.
366
00:16:31,257 --> 00:16:33,326
I-I'm just fascinated
with your relationship.
367
00:16:33,360 --> 00:16:37,330
I mean, this connection
just feels so real.
368
00:16:37,364 --> 00:16:39,632
You have to tell me,
what's your secret?
369
00:16:39,666 --> 00:16:42,335
-Oh, want to know
what I like about Marge?
370
00:16:42,369 --> 00:16:44,604
She has such a gentle soul.
371
00:16:44,637 --> 00:16:47,207
-Roach!
372
00:16:47,240 --> 00:16:49,642
When you go to Hell,
tell 'em Marge sent ya!
373
00:16:53,146 --> 00:16:56,249
-She's so spiritual.
374
00:16:56,282 --> 00:16:57,817
-I'm very happy for you.
375
00:16:57,851 --> 00:16:59,219
[ Cellphone chimes ]
376
00:16:59,252 --> 00:17:00,520
-Oh, gotta motor.
377
00:17:00,553 --> 00:17:02,756
Just got pinged
for another task.
378
00:17:02,789 --> 00:17:06,259
-Uh, well, all right.
Goodbye, my hardworking duchess.
379
00:17:06,292 --> 00:17:08,128
Oh, no kiss!
380
00:17:09,129 --> 00:17:10,530
Once we start...
381
00:17:12,799 --> 00:17:14,501
-Hey, it says my task is here.
382
00:17:14,534 --> 00:17:16,169
Does anybody know a Julianne?
383
00:17:16,202 --> 00:17:18,605
-That's me.
-What a coincidence.
384
00:17:21,141 --> 00:17:24,177
-Two tasks -- tell me
if this relationship is real,
385
00:17:24,210 --> 00:17:26,646
and I need you to hang
a flatscreen.
386
00:17:27,747 --> 00:17:29,149
-No, it's not real.
387
00:17:29,182 --> 00:17:31,885
And let me get my back brace.
388
00:17:31,918 --> 00:17:35,255
-Zero stars, Marge!
Zero stars!
389
00:17:38,291 --> 00:17:40,260
-I think we're ready
to practice outside.
390
00:17:40,293 --> 00:17:42,328
After all,
if you're coming to Tampa,
391
00:17:42,362 --> 00:17:44,330
you gotta get used to
falling on concrete.
392
00:17:44,364 --> 00:17:46,599
-Are you serious?
You want me to come to Tampa?
393
00:17:46,633 --> 00:17:48,535
I feel like my heart
is doing a switch-kick
394
00:17:48,568 --> 00:17:51,504
double-twist basket right now.
395
00:17:51,538 --> 00:17:53,306
-I'm just so glad I don't
have to hide anything
396
00:17:53,340 --> 00:17:55,575
from you anymore.
[ Elevator bell dings ]
397
00:17:58,678 --> 00:18:01,548
-I'm sorry, ma'am,
is this your floor?
398
00:18:09,389 --> 00:18:10,256
-So you've been lying to me
this whole time?
399
00:18:11,491 --> 00:18:14,561
-Yes, but keep in mind that when
I thought she was a sex doll,
400
00:18:14,594 --> 00:18:15,729
I could have run screaming,
401
00:18:15,762 --> 00:18:17,864
but instead,
I took good care of her.
402
00:18:17,897 --> 00:18:21,735
And the guys at the morgue
gave her a top-to-toe makeover.
403
00:18:21,768 --> 00:18:24,571
-I don't know what to say.
I'm really hurt.
404
00:18:24,604 --> 00:18:28,274
It feels like you've ripped
my heart out my butt.
405
00:18:28,308 --> 00:18:30,477
-I know I was wrong,
but in my defense,
406
00:18:30,510 --> 00:18:32,379
you weren't totally honest
with me.
407
00:18:32,412 --> 00:18:33,780
-But when I told you
everything,
408
00:18:33,813 --> 00:18:36,616
you had so many chances
to come clean, and you didn't.
409
00:18:36,649 --> 00:18:39,352
Now I just don't know
how to trust you.
410
00:18:39,386 --> 00:18:40,887
-I think I know
what's going on.
411
00:18:40,920 --> 00:18:42,756
You're pulling away
because we said "I love you,"
412
00:18:42,789 --> 00:18:43,957
and that feels scary.
413
00:18:43,990 --> 00:18:46,493
-No, I'm pulling away because
you and your friends stole
414
00:18:46,526 --> 00:18:50,597
my $4,000 doll
and threw her out a window.
415
00:18:50,630 --> 00:18:53,366
-$4,000? Really?
416
00:18:53,400 --> 00:18:56,202
For that, you should
be having sex with her.
417
00:18:56,236 --> 00:18:59,272
-I'm sorry, I just --
I can't do this.
418
00:19:00,740 --> 00:19:02,642
-Wait, wait.
Are you breaking up with me?
419
00:19:02,676 --> 00:19:05,912
-Yeah, I am.
-Jake, this wasn't that bad.
420
00:19:05,945 --> 00:19:08,214
-Did you give her a boob job?
421
00:19:08,248 --> 00:19:09,649
-No!
422
00:19:09,683 --> 00:19:11,518
The guys at the morgue did.
423
00:19:12,652 --> 00:19:14,788
**
424
00:19:14,821 --> 00:19:16,389
-I forgot my coat.
425
00:19:16,423 --> 00:19:19,659
-Where's Rodrigo?
426
00:19:19,693 --> 00:19:22,462
-Oh, he, uh, got paged.
He's a pediatric --
427
00:19:22,495 --> 00:19:25,365
-Oh, my God! You mentioned.
428
00:19:25,398 --> 00:19:30,470
-So, hiring a mashed-potato
monster to be your girlfriend.
429
00:19:30,503 --> 00:19:34,507
At least get a high-end escort.
This is New York City.
430
00:19:34,541 --> 00:19:36,543
-The prices are astronomical.
431
00:19:36,576 --> 00:19:40,814
And when you throw in the tip?
Ugh! Mnh-mnh.
432
00:19:40,847 --> 00:19:43,850
I gotta say, I thought
your date was fake, also.
433
00:19:43,883 --> 00:19:46,720
Dr. Rodrigo? I mean,
that sounds more like a guy
434
00:19:46,753 --> 00:19:51,291
who would separate you from
your evil twin on a telenovela.
435
00:19:51,324 --> 00:19:54,861
-Well, I hope that now you can
see that I wasn't playing games.
436
00:19:54,894 --> 00:19:58,898
Rodrigo and I have
something very real.
437
00:19:58,932 --> 00:20:02,602
Did I mention that he smells
like gourmet tapenade?
438
00:20:03,903 --> 00:20:06,573
-Funny. He's not the kind
of guy I pictured you with.
439
00:20:06,606 --> 00:20:08,341
-Oh, really? [ Snorts ]
440
00:20:08,375 --> 00:20:11,745
And who did you picture with?
441
00:20:11,778 --> 00:20:13,613
-I don't know.
I figured you'd go for somebody
442
00:20:13,646 --> 00:20:17,951
with a little more edge,
someone who challenged you,
443
00:20:17,984 --> 00:20:22,722
someone who got
under your skin.
444
00:20:22,756 --> 00:20:24,758
You're saying that if someone
like that came along,
445
00:20:24,791 --> 00:20:29,429
that you would not feel...
anything?
446
00:20:32,599 --> 00:20:35,035
-Nice try, Dan.
-Ha! Ha!
447
00:20:35,068 --> 00:20:36,636
I almost had you.
448
00:20:36,670 --> 00:20:38,672
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.
-All right. See you tomorrow.
449
00:20:38,705 --> 00:20:41,508
Destroy you in court.
-Ah, you, too.
450
00:20:43,076 --> 00:20:44,711
-What the hell, lady?
451
00:20:44,744 --> 00:20:47,480
No tip?
452
00:20:47,514 --> 00:20:49,849
Just because we didn't
make love doesn't mean
453
00:20:49,883 --> 00:20:51,051
you didn't use my body.
454
00:20:51,084 --> 00:20:53,987
-Ugh. All right, fine.
455
00:20:54,020 --> 00:20:57,057
I'll give you an extra $20
if you unzip me.
456
00:20:57,090 --> 00:20:59,492
Ugh. This thing is so tight
that I'm pretty sure
457
00:20:59,526 --> 00:21:02,529
one of my ribs
punctured my lung.
458
00:21:03,663 --> 00:21:07,033
-Your zipper has more teeth
than my sister.
459
00:21:07,067 --> 00:21:10,804
-Come on! Isn't taking clothes
off what you do for a living?
460
00:21:12,839 --> 00:21:15,608
-All right,
so I guess we're even after all.
461
00:21:17,844 --> 00:21:19,713
Good night, Jake.
Good night, Abby.
462
00:21:31,057 --> 00:21:32,425
Child: It's funny.
34676
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