All language subtitles for Lita.V.Tom.2023

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The launch of the first
Soviet artificial Earth satellite

a quarter of a century ago
ushered in the space age for humanity.

In April 1961, Yuri Gagarin took off.

The first man to cross
the threshold of space.

Humans began to conquer
the immediate space.

You're kind of red.

Well, I'm not slacking off.

I'm working pretty hard.

Working as a bee.

Male bees explode after ejaculation

and their genitals remain
trapped in the queen.

You're lucky you're not a bumblebee, baby.

Will you excuse me for a moment?

Sorry. I think you should go.

What?

How disappointed are you
on a scale of one to ten?

Lukáš!

Here we go again.

I really tried. But I can't be with a girl

who seriously thinks that
a male bee is a bumblebee.

Or with a girl who feels
the whole universe

flowing through her chakras.

You have to learn to breathe in happiness

and breathe out love.

Or who bites her nails all the time

and makes that unbearable sound.

And it's not just sounds,

it's also words.

Behind you! Behind you! Turn around!

I don't know how to help you anymore!

A quick break-up is a very
responsible and human solution.

Do you think I'm completely stupid?

How dare you! Don't call me anymore!

I have never ever, but really never,

honestly told any girl that I love her.

I prefer a scientific approach,

without any unnecessary emotion.

It's often misunderstood.

You surely understand my life's not easy.

On top of that,
I live in a house of horrors.

My nosy neighbors investigative
everything like Mulder and Scully.

THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE SOMEWHERE

And the new neighbor
from the fourth floor…

I feel like entering her in a talent show.

Go and sing in another town!

My name is Lukáš Kučera,

I'm about to turn forty
and I respect natural selection.

Too bad Darwin didn't mention

what to do with jilted
lovers in his theory.

Welcome to my world.

Am I asking for too much?

By wanting her to be pretty,
nice, smart, and a good cook?

And interested in space exploration?

Lukáš, you know I really like you,
but sometimes you act like an idiot.

Here, hold this.

Stop analyzing the girls so much!

No…

My colleague Roman is right.

Analysis is my nature.

- No!
- I'm an editor of a science journal

called Man and the Universe.

- Come here!
- Don't cry.

I'm practicing sipping food
through a straw.

Like astronauts.

Trying to make it to the finals
of the suborbital flight competition.

If it works out,

I'll take part in a year-long
training program in Paris.

And the winner gets to ride
in a real spaceship in Earth orbit.

- I know I can do it.
- Goal!

But Roman is right
about the other thing, too.

Sometimes I do act like an idiot.

Oh, well.

Once again, my evolutionary
advantage is quite obvious.

As my mother says…

You're not that ugly, Lukáš.

So why can't you keep a girl
for more than two months?

My mother, Eva.

The only woman in the world

- I've kept for more than two months.
- And what about the…

She's been working
at the planetarium all her life.

I've seen her
Adventurous Journey to Mars 57 times.

I've never told her,
but I really love her.

Bravo!

…dwarf star, or is it C, a neutron star?

C, a neutron star.

The day she quit smoking,
she started knitting.

No, it was C, a neutron star.
So it is minus five points for you.

That Jitka from your office
is nice, isn't she?

She likes children, I can tell.

She gives me a lot of hints
as to what would make her really happy.

This is for your future baby.

She keeps saying that every mother
wants her child to be happy.

Every mother wants her child to be happy

and have a family of its own.

Last year, my mother was diagnosed
with dilated cardio… something.

A heart disease, in short.

She needs a transplant.

She's on the waiting list.

But it's a long list.

I can't sleep lately.

I'm waiting for that heart with her.

But that stupid disease waits for nothing

and acts as if it owned my mother.

Is Apollo in here?

- Apollo!
- Excuse me?

Apollo, get out now or I'll kick you!

Apollo, where are you?

One more escape
and I'll get you castrated!

You're the one
from the fourth floor, right?

Natalia Medzihorská.
I moved in last Thursday, hi.

Lukáš.

Lukáš Kučera.

Aren't rabbits a bit risky
for pregnant women?

He pisses me off sometimes,
but I would never hurt him.

Ah, the first man on the Moon!

No, it is Baron Munchausen,
the first man on the Moon was--

Gagarin! I know.

Armstrong.

And Baron Munchausen
is a fictional character,

a notorious liar who makes up
unbelievable stories.

- You're a weirdo.
- I love him.

- So gay!
- So homophobic!

So sexist. You think you can
lecture me because I'm a woman?

So moronic…

You're acting like a pregnant woman.
Have a chocolate bar.

Since your rabbit is named
after a space program,

I thought you might like to know more.

Apollo is a disco club
where I used to work.

The sex organ of an arachnid
is eight times longer than its body

and does not need close contact.

It can mate with any female within range.

Exactly like this tenor in our choir.

And did you know that

Irene is about to have her
fourth grandchild? Fourth!

Mom, don't get upset.
You know you're forbidden to.

Hello, beautiful!

Its skin is completely transparent.

And how that little heart is beating…

Mom!

For a patient with dilated cardiomyopathy,

even a small infection can be fatal.

In addition, your mother
suffered significant myocardial damage.

What?

What do you mean?

Lukáš, I've known you since
we were little. I'll be honest with you.

There's nothing I can do at this stage.

How much time does she have left?

The end can come almost any time.

She's on that list.

She's waiting for her new heart.

Waiting for a suitable donor
can take several years.

I am so sorry.

If you know about anything
that would make her happy,

do it now!

Mom.

Mommy.

I'd like you to meet someone.

Hello.

This is Natalia,

my partner

and

the future mother of our child.

What?

Yes. It's true.

We met and… Boom!

Huge love.

And suddenly she's a preggo
and I don't even know how.

I have never

been happier.

Luke,

my dear boy,
why didn't you tell me earlier?

How come I didn't know?

So, you

are Natalia.

May I?

God, that's beautiful.

I never thought I'd live to see this.

And when is the baby due?

- In January!
- In September!

She is Slovak.

It can be confusing.

Sooner or later.

It's a beautiful language!

That's why I chose Natalia,
amongst other things.

I can't believe that.

I can't wait for the actual birth-giving.
Cutting the umbilical cord,

placenta…

Awesome!

And, and, and

do you live together?

I'm a curious woman, you see? So?

Yes! I am staying at Luke's.

But why didn't you tell me?

Are you ashamed of me?

Or is he like that to you too, Natalia?

All the time.

Mom, we have to go now, you have to rest.

No, not yet,
I want to know more about Natalia

She's from Slovakia, mom.
She likes potato gnocchi.

Natalia!

Take care of my little Luke, please.

Here you go.

Thanks.

It's great what you did for her.

You can go now.

Cheer up.

And who will lead our choir now?

You shouldn't have come here.
I can't believe they let you go.

The way I die is only my choice.

And someone who's hiding
his pregnant girlfriend

won't give me any lectures! Move it!

Hello?

What?!

We have a heart! She shall live!

Oh, dear!

I mean… My mom will live.

Not the conductor here.

He's dead for good.

HEMODIALYSIS / PULMONARY WARD

We'll keep her here for observation
for some time.

Your mother is still in danger.

There is a number
of possible complications.

Lukáš! You stud!

Lukáš is here!

- What are you doing here?
- Your mom told me everything.

So you're gonna be a dad! That's a blast!

- Yeah!
- Congratulations!

Helena, this is my cousin Adam.

Dočekalová, nice to meet you.

Another snow globe!

Isn't he a darling?

And where is Natalia? We want to see her.

The girls are very impatient. And so am I.

Where is she?

Natalia,

she couldn't make it.

How come? Why?

- She left.
- Where?

Watch out!

To the Tatra Mountains.

- Can't you be more careful?
- She's a passionate climber.

I'll be in my office.

Wait, a climber?

She's pregnant, for God's sake!

Yeah, but don't worry,

I told her to fall only from low heights.

Call her right now. Come on!

Yeah, call her, we want to say hello.

My phone is dead.

You're such a dummy, Lukáš.

Take mine! Come on, come on.

Call her!

Roman Dobeš speaking.

It's me, honey.

Lukáš. How are you?

Lukáš?

I miss you too.

Listen, I've got three ladies here,
and they've got something to say, okay?

Hello, Natalka!

Fingers crossed!

Hello there, Natalka!

Are you happy?

Lukáš, who are those chicks?

Give it to me. I want to talk to her!

Oh, you got to go? What a shame.

You're drunk, aren't you?

No, you hang up.

No, you hang up.

No, you hang up!

No, you hang up!

You better block this number.

Okay. And cherish the treasure
you carry in your belly.

Bye-bye.

Doctor, do you have a minute?

Yes.

I accidentally kicked the couch at home
yesterday and my little toe hurts a lot.

- Maybe it's broken, may I show it you?
- No! Put some ice on it.

And could you have a look

here?

Something's growing there.

Maybe it's a tumor,
it wasn't there in the morning.

It's a piece of beetroot.

Do you often snack without your shirt on?

Yes, I do, to keep track
of my subcutaneous fat.

I have to go now.

You're very pretty!

You are not my type.

The last time I was someone's type,
I was a blood donor.

I'm a B.

I'd like to take you out. Next Wednesday?

8 p.m.? At Stereo Bar?

SCIENCE AND THE UNIVERSE

- And don't call me from the brothel again.
- Yeah, sorry.

- My wife could pick it up, you see?
- I said I was sorry.

EDITORIAL OFFICE

What happened?

We have a new owner.

Are they going to fire anyone?

I know where they could start.

They merged us with a lifestyle magazine.

I'm not gonna get upset, it's just a job.

I won't get upset.

No scientific studies on cosmology
from now on.

We need to focus on mobile apps and games.

At least we'll have more readers, right?

And this office

won't be ours anymore.

My dearest little table.

And the management
has sent us a new colleague.

A show business specialist.

This is our new colleague, Kamila Jansová.

Hello.

Tell us something about yourself, Kamila.

My name is Kamila.

My first job was at the Millennium Weekly.

And my most read article is called

"Top 5 answers for in any situation
when you don't know what's going on."

And what was the best answer?

"There's nothing you can do."

Where's my mom?

Unfortunately, there was nothing
we could do. You're late.

Half an hour ago,
she simply signed out and left.

I discussed the situation with her
and prescribed medication.

Could you wait outside?

So, is she's okay?

Is she?

I wouldn't call it "okay."

I'm sorry.

There is an increased risk
of sudden cardiac arrest.

She mustn't get upset
under any circumstances.

She might not survive it.

But…

No way.

I mean it.

This…

This is a Holter monitor.
She wears it under her clothes.

If you hear this sound…

call an ambulance at once. Is that clear?

But…

What about that pregnant neighbor?
Her grandchild and all that.

Should I tell her the truth or…?

Have you been listening to me?

No stress.

It would kill her.

It's my mom.

- Where are you?
- Mom?

- How are you?
- I can't reach Natalia. Are you with her?

No, no. She's at… home.

She's been a bit sick,
being pregnant and all that.

- With me.
- So she's back from the Tatras already?

Yes. There were too many
Czech tourists for her taste.

So, I'm coming to your place.
At least we'll have time to chat properly.

No! Don't do that!

I'm getting a taxi. Bye.

Damn it!

Damn it. Please, answer it.

Answer the phone, Natalia!

- Yes?
- Natalia!

- My mother's been released from hospital.
- That's great! Congratulations.

No, it's really bad!

- She's coming to our place!
- What "our" place? We haven't got one.

Exactly. She mustn't realize
you're not my girlfriend!

Lukáš, tell her the truth.

I can't! It would kill her.

I need your help, please!

- I don't want to lie, you see?
- But it's not a lie.

It's just a parallel truth.

Sorry, bye.

Natalia, no!

How did you get here so fast?

Wait, Mom. Take your time.
You had a serious surgery.

- I'm allowed to climb stairs.
- Yes.

It's good to see you like this,
standing upright.

How about a cup of a coffee?

I can't drink coffee now.

Mom, wait,

listen,

sit down.

I have to tell you something.

You know…

Hello there!

Home already? I'm making a salad.

I still have a broccoli to cut.

- We wanted to surprise you, Natalia.
- What are you looking at, babe?

Hurry, wash your hands and take off
your jacket. You're a messy eater.

So what did you want to tell me?

I started eating broccoli!

What about the Tatras, Natalia?

You should be more responsible.

What?

Eh…

I told her you'd been to the mountains.

What? Why would I go there?

Because you're a mountaineer.

Yeah, stop denying that, girl.

Luke told me.

I see.

Well, we actually met
while climbing rocks.

Really?

Tell me more!

Well, go ahead.

- No, you tell her.
- No, you tell her.

You tell her, sweetheart.

You tell her, teddy bear.

You remember it better, honey.

And you are a better storyteller,
my sweet little fool!

Well, so how was it?

Eh…

I went for a walk, for a hike,

because it's healthy.

And suddenly, in the middle of the path,

Apollo appeared.

But you didn't know him back then.

That's right.

So I was thinking…

A rabbit, here in the mountains?

He must have wandered off.

And he started screaming so loudly.
Luke is terribly scared of bunnies.

I screamed to drive away
all the wolves and bears.

And then I rappelled down the rock.

I was afraid someone was hurting him.

She looked so strange in that harness
and with her giant belly…

Giant belly?

I was really fat back then.

She looked like a barrel!

It's a miracle the rope didn't break,

isn't it, my dear?

And what about the wedding?

Pickled gherkins!

I'm dying for pickles right now!

Will you have some, too?

The compote cabinet.

The compote cabinet, sure.

Lukáš!

How many times do I have to tell you

that holiday stuff
doesn't belong in the kitchen?

I'm so sorry.

Mom,

we don't want to get married yet.

I'll be right back.

Are you okay?

Don't worry.

Thanks! Thank you very much!

- You're awesome!
- I know.

How did you get it in, anyway?

There's a spare key under your doormat,

very original.

Lean back, we need a neutral background!

Lean forward now!

I'll do anything for you in return.
Anything!

- Okay, I need to live here.
- What?

Just for a while,
until I find a new place.

I had to move out of my flat,
it was too pricey.

And you didn't know that beforehand?

I did, but I didn't know
it would so hard to find a job.

You don't have a job?

So what did you do for a living before?

Well?

Apollo.

Where? What's wrong with him?

No, I mean the disco.

It's a dance club in Trnava.

You're a stripper?!

I am not! Not anymore, anyway.

There is no way you are living here.

Eva, we have to tell you something.

What are you doing? Are you crazy?

So you agree with my proposal?

What's going on?

I do.

We just wanted to tell you

we are very happy
that you are feeling well.

Do you think I'm completely stupid?

That I wouldn't notice?

What do you mean?

- What do I mean?
- The matter between you two.

Or the lack of it, to be more precise.

Is it that noticeable?

Luke, I am your mother,
you don't have to play

any games with me.

I told you.

- Mom, I wanted to…
- You didn't smile at her even once,

nor gave her a single kiss.

You had a row, didn't you?

Yes, we did.

She cries while watching cooking shows
and it drives me crazy.

Dear God! I wonder who you take after.

Give her a kiss, right now.

- Now?
- Right now!

- Right now?
- Right now!

You don't have to. I forgive you.

Don't tell me how to raise my son.

Come on, Lukáš, do it.

Yeah.

What was that?

Are you kidding me or what?

Kiss properly.

Okay, then.

That's much better. Sweethearts.

And the concert is tomorrow
at 7:00, be there on time.

And buy Natalia something nice to wear.

Judging by the photos on the fridge,

she wears the same clothes all the time.

Apollo, bye!

- Good-bye, children!
- Good night, Mom.

You'll sleep
on the couch in the living room.

The rabbit is not allowed in the bedroom.

And the rabbit
is not allowed in the bedroom.

Get up!
We're going to the concert tonight.

We need to get know
each other before that.

I'm not going anywhere.

The only thing that is not too tight
around the waist are my pajamas.

Listen… I'm not excited about it either.

I have a date later tonight.

But you live here and
you're my girlfriend for a while.

- Okay?
- And what happens after that "while"?

Mom is going to have a check-up.

And then you tell her the truth?

So, Mr. Lukáš, where are you from
and what are your hobbies?

I don't know. Isn't that obvious, though?

How about you?

I love animals.
We had a lot of pets back at home.

Turtles, parrots,

hamsters, guinea pigs.

Even grasshoppers! And a slug.

I roasted it in the sun by accident.

Toads, frogs,

Dajinka the tree-frog, Arnold the iguana…

A lot fish.

Simba the dachshund, he got run over.

Then there was a cat, a ferret,
Pinky and Dinky, the two lab mice.

We had a rat, a chinchilla,

a scorpion, a tarantula.

They escaped together.

Then a chameleon, a grass snake,

a hedgehog and another spider.

We set up an ant farm, which was horrible.

It fell apart the other day and the ants
started crawling all over the flat.

A newt, a lizard,

Bubbles the cat.

Josephine the cat.

Cleopatra the cat.

Apollo the rabbit.

And that's all.

Geez, it's late.
I have to go on that date.

Go!

You stay here, clap at the end
and then disappear, okay?

Just go.

Natalka! Natalka, wait. Stay.

I want to show you to the girls.

- But I have to…
- Oh, so this is her!

That's right, Maruška.
This is our Natalia.

- Good evening.
- Good evening.

Congratulations on your blessed condition!

- Where is Luke?
- He went on a date.

She's even witty.

You see? And I thought Luke was a fairy.

This grandchild
got my blood flowing again.

We even started raising money
for her funeral in the choir.

And what do you do for a living, Natalia?

I used to be a dancer.

Really? I love ballet!

You haven't mentioned it before, Natalka.

Our new conductor
also works with a ballet company.

He's somewhere from your place,
from Slovakia.

I'm sure you know each other.

Peter! Peter, come here.

Excuse me. Yes, ladies?

Look who we've got here,
she's a ballerina!

- Good evening.
- Good evening.

So you dance. And in what productions?

Eh… In those that…

where they have those

backdrops, wooden wings on the stage.

But you're right.

I think I've seen you dance before.

But where was it?

- Hang on, I will remember.
- It doesn't matter, don't worry.

Wasn't it in Trnava?

I used to go there on business trips
a lot.

Goodbye.

And how was the wedding, Natalka?

Well, we haven't…

Don't tell me, you're not married yet!

That's the way it is nowadays, you see?

But you're at least planning it, right?

So, what's the plan?

I don't know.
I haven't thought about it yet.

Come on, every girl thinks about it.

That's right.

Well…

I will definitely wear a long dress,

but not too long; I want
my leg tattoo to be visible.

There is a lovely hill
with an old chestnut tree near Trnava.

When I was a child, we used to climb it
and talk about silly things.

And when the sun goes down,
everything turns orange.

Especially in the summer.

And when you close your eyes,

you can hear the rustling of leaves

and smell the forest…

So if it took place there,
I'd shit myself with happiness.

So I told her she should go
to a dental clinic

and start using a special toothbrush

for interdental spaces, you see?

But she wouldn't understand.

But me, every month… bla bla bla…

Lukáš, pay attention.

Focus. But not on her breasts.

Focus on what she's saying.

I can't. It's impossible.

So just keep smiling and nodding.

What do you think about it, Lukáš?

Well, what are you gonna say now?

There's nothing you can do.

You speak my mind. Thank you.

Oh, it's so late already.

I've got to go.

Hey! What are you doing?

It's a prenatal music therapy.

He keeps kicking me. Come check it out.

He's kicking for his life.

Trying to escape from within you.

Damn.

I'm sorry.

I'm being an idiot.

Your mom and her friends…

You talked to them?

What did they tell you? Did they find out?

I am so scared.

Why? What are you afraid of?

I'm afraid no one will ever
be as nice to me as they are now.

If it makes you feel any better,

I'm scared of the G-force
during a rocket launch.

They like Natalia.

But the one who's expecting your baby.

Not me.

If they didn't like you,
they wouldn't be so nice to you.

Sorry.

It's okay, it's just a piece of cloth.

- Are you really scared of the…
- The G…

The G-force?

Yeah, I'm afraid I'll get dizzy
and pass out.

You have to practice.

Your body reacts to
cyclosporine really well.

And the biopsy result? Negative.

- Do you want me to call you a taxi?
- No, my nephew's picking me up.

You and Adam
already know each other, right?

Yes. We said hello to each other.

Come in.

Hello, excuse me. May I?

I'm just getting dressed.

Mr. Adam…

It is a rectoscope.

Thank you very much

for your invitation.

I'm very sorry,
but I think it would lead somewhere.

Nowhere, I mean.

It's okay. You're just scared.

I'm not scared.

It's either stress…

or hunger.

"Stress hunger."

Maybe it's even psychosomatic.

- What are you looking for?
- My pills.

I'm looking for my pills.

Those stupid anxiety pills. Satisfied?

Don't mind me, children.
I know my way home.

They were right here!
They must be here somewhere.

They're always here, always!

Come with me.

Wow.

I'm ready now.

Let's do it!

Again!

Natalia.

Lukáš!

What are you doing here?

What are you doing here?

Me? I'm watching…

sports.

I see.

What?

There must be an evolutionary reason
behind it.

Behind what?

That heavily pregnant women
think about sex all the time.

- It's not true.
- It is.

- It's not!
- It is.

Okay, so I think about sex all the time!

I've never felt so stupid in my life
and I even have two brains in my body now.

So you have nobody
who could give you a hand?

Who do you think?

Who'd be attracted to a whale?

Well, I like you.

No, no, no! Don't even try.

Don't even think about it.

About what?

The thing you are thinking about!

What am I thinking about?

We will never sleep together!

Jesus! It's never even crossed my mind.

There will never ever, never ever,
be anything between us.

You and me together?

That's something I would never,
ever, never ever, allow to happen.

- Alright?
- Alright?

But it has crossed your mind.

Excuse me?

Nothing. I'm just saying that you wondered

what it would be like if we possibly,

only hypothetically speaking, of course,

had coitus.

How could you even think
of something like that?!

You said there would never
ever, never ever, be anything between us.

Correct, there won't be.

Exactly, because you first
thought there might be.

It's simple.

Even if I might have thought
about it, hypothetically speaking,

it doesn't mean I would want it.

I see.

Because…

It occurred to me just because
I knew it must have occurred to you.

You're right, it did occur to me.

What are you looking at?
Is there something between my teeth?

No.

We need to talk.

It'll be done in a minute.

And you can go to bed together.

These are postpartum pads without plastic.

For what?

If they cut you down there,
you have to air the wound.

You see? It has to breathe.

Yes, I understand. Thank you.

When your dad left us,
I didn't really appreciate life.

But now I know
I've been given a new chance.

Kate! Can I change
the name of the savings account?

Good evening, Eva.
Yes, you can. No problem.

Which saving account
do you wish to rename?

Kate, I would like to rename
my "funeral savings account"

to "Granny goes on holiday
with her grandson Lukášek."

I have renamed your savings account.

What else can I do for you?

What was that?

Welcome to the 21st century, girl.

I mean the name. Grandson Lukášek?

We don't even know
if it is a boy or girl yet.

It will be a boy
and his name will be Lukáš.

No way!

My father was Lukáš, my son is Lukáš,

so my grandson will be Lukáš, too. Period.

- It's my child.
- Our child.

So I will decide what to call it. Period!

Okay, let's discuss it later. Period.

We can discuss it anytime you want.

Lukášek is a nice name
and his name day is…

I know when my name day is! Go back…

into your phone, you…

I'm sorry, I'm not designed for intimacy.

Mom, it's too late. Don't you want to…

You're right.

I'd rather sleep here.

What do you mean? Where?

On the couch.

And don't worry, children.

I won't hear you.

May I?

Sure.

- I'll sleep on the floor.
- I will sleep on the floor.

Nonsense. You're pregnant.

The bed is too soft for me.

Give it to me!

It's me.

May I?

Hang on! Lie down, quick!

Lie down!

Here. Read this!

Yes!

There's a problem.
Apollo's just pooped on the couch.

It is Luke's
multidimensional cosmic album!

THE BIGGEST EVENT / FACTS…

This is a letter Luke wrote
to the commander of Apollo 17.

He put a huge dictionary

on the kitchen table
and translated it word for word.

It took him hours.

He even cut out the little stars.

We never sent it.

We didn't know the address.

It's still wobbly.

- What?
- Put a wedge underneath it.

I can't bend. I have a slipped disc.

Come on, you've been making
this excuse for 30 years.

Look! She's coming.

I'm sure she still has her own joints.

What's wrong with you?

Can I help you?

International cooperation

culminated in 1975

with a joint flight of Soviet
and American astronauts

in the Soyuz and Apollo spacecraft.

Put it away.

- Excuse me?
- You've got your shit

on my side of the table. Put it away!

Oh, yes, sorry, it's really mine.

I get it. I'd be irritated too.

You're such a dummy.

I just wanted to see
if you know how to fight back.

Pretty lame.

Yeah? Wanna see?

Wow!

You lost! Didn't you?

So for this you'll have a drink
with me tomorrow night, okay?

Since I love laughing at losers…

Yes, I will. Gladly.

- Brilliant.
- I'm happy you like it.

It's melting in the mouth. Very nice.

Mom?

- What are you doing here?
- I brought this Bundt cake.

Your mom is awesome!

Lukáš, you have to redecorate the bedroom.

- You can't wait until Natalia…
- Let me…

I want a piece of cake, too.

Don't forget that the ba…

But, but, but…

But explain to me

how come that it is so good.

Be serious, Lukáš.

Mom, I'm so glad you've come.

But we've got a strict policy here,
a new owner…

Leave me alone!

Have you even told them the big news yet?

Oh, you haven't! You haven't.

Why am I not surprised?

Go ahead. Tell them.

Yes, it's true.

I'm honored to announce you that…

my mom is going to be a grandmother.

Grandmother…

That sounds so nice, right?

See you later!

My brother and his wife
have finally succeeded, so…

- I'm gonna be an uncle!
- Oh, I see.

- She's stolen my life!
- Your girlfriend?

She's not my girlfriend!

Lukáš,

you have to tell her the truth.

- But carefully.
- You think so?

You said I should wait for a few weeks.

She is getting better. Unlike you.

I'll look like an idiot.

Hello, Adam. Idiot and a liar.

Suddenly my heart started
pounding like a bell.

This had to mean my beloved was near.

I listened to the sound of my heart

bringing me ever closer to our ship

and the Princess Bianca.

It was nice when you wrote:

"Either we are alone in the universe
or we are not.

But both options are terrifying."

You read high-quality literature.

I like that.

Long into the night I told
of my undersea adventure.

Everyone listened electrified.

All but these two.

They were not interested.

As Stephen Hawking used to say:

"when you're falling off a skyscraper,
at least enjoy the fresh breeze."

Can you read the stars?

A little.

There will be no mysteries anymore,

except the mystery of love.

This lass will stay there the whole night.

No…

Five hundred?

Okay.

Okay. Right here. Let's do it.

I will sit on your face

and you will be doing it to me
until I tell you to stop.

Sister. My sister.

Didn't you say you only had a brother?

She's like my sister.

She's a cousin, in fact.

From Slovakia. And…

And Slovaks are our brothers
and sisters, so we are a family.

Is everything alright, Natalia?

Kamila. Natalia. Natalia. Kamila.

You are…

the best possible neighbor, Lukáš.

I hope they…

fix my toilet as soon as possible.

Yes, we are…

also neighbors. So she's my neighbor and

- my cousin.
- A cousin from which side?

- Dad's.
- Mom's.

One of my brothers married her mom.

So her mom is my step aunt
and her dad is my uncle.

Sorry.

Wait! Kamila!

Kamila, wait!

Come on, stay! Babe.

You pig!

Another girl who doesn't like
being called "babe."

I'm so sorry.

I was watching a film and fell asleep.

Go to hell.

I said I was sorry.

Here, put some frozen peas on your face.

It was a mistake.

When I showed you to my mom.

Really? Okay!
I don't have to do that. I've had enough!

- Really?
- Yeah.

So have I. And you know what?

I'll call my mom right now.

Go ahead.

- I really will.
- Do it.

- No problem.
- Show me.

Look, I'm calling.

- Mom.
- Lukáš, I've found a great pram.

- Mom…
- Is Natalka around?

- I need to talk to her.
- Wait, wait, let me talk first.

- Did you take your pills?
- Of course, what's going on?

Natalia and I…

We've just broken up.

- What?!
- Is your heart okay?

Lukáš, you idiot,
put her on the phone right now!

- Sorry, got to go.
- Let me tell you something…

It's done.

So we're alone again, Mom.

I know it's hard for you,
but don't worry. It'll be fine.

Hello.

What are you doing here?

Stop asking such stupid questions, Lukáš.

I invited her here so
you could explain to me

what on earth happened.

Between the two of us?

I invited Adam, too. It's a family matter.

So? I'm waiting.

What's wrong?

What is your problem with Natalia?

Well, nothing, really.

It's just the spark… It's gone.

What spark? What are you talking about?

I saw the spark between you two
very clearly.

- What?
- Stop lying to me.

Nonsense,
I don't even know if the baby is mine.

You know no shame!

Just like your dad.

When he found out I was pregnant,
he did his best to get out of it, too.

Well, if you treated him like that,

no wonder he ran away from you.

How dare you to talk to me like that?

Alright, then.
Do you want to know why we broke up?

Because you're not sleeping together!

Am I not right?

The absence of sex in a relationship

is in 90% of all cases the reason
for a break-up.

Alright…

When was the last time you two had…

sexual intercourse?

You see?

We're getting to the heart of the problem.

You're going to couples therapy!

What?

Adam, say something.

Helena and I are getting married.

Right.

And you will have a wedding, too.

You can make an appointment in our church.

You can't force me to get married,
we don't live in the Middle Ages.

Do you want to have that child as well?

This isn't funny, Lukáš.

Mom, I'm almost forty. I'm an adult.

I can do what I want.

Stop interfering in my life!

All right, then!

When something isn't to your liking,

when it's not perfect,
you just drop it, right?

You don't care about anything.

- You can't stand up for anything.
- Mom, Mom.

- Anything!
- Mom, Mom.

Will you get rid of the baby, too?
If it's not to your liking?

- Just breathe, Mom.
- Or even me?

- Eva!
- Mom, relax.

- Breathe, breathe.
- You're such a wimp. You're…

- Mommy…
- It's not possible.

You can't live like this.

Relax.

Good, good, good.

Go away, will you? Just go.

Ladies and friends! Ladies and friends!

Ladies and friends,
it's my birthday today!

I don't like any sentimental wisdom,

so this is the least I can do:

I'm glad we're all here
and now let's go for it!

- What are you doing here?
- What you are doing here?

Hi, I'm Klára. And you?

This is Natalia. She's expecting his baby.

What? You're going to be a dad?

I'm gonna throw up.

I knew that one of my friends
was going to have a baby.

There was something in the air.

Yeah, her legs.

You've trumped my surprise.

What surprise?

We raised money for a stripper for Roman.

- Really?
- I asked for something special.

Those girls are always totally dumb.

Bullshit. You're dumb yourself, you…

And what do you do for a living?

Me? I'm a stripper.

She's really funny.

Trust me. You wanted
something special, right?

I'm a stripper, too!

Yeah, and I'm a whore!

Prouzová, go for it!

Natalia, wait!

Wait! Do you hear me?

Are you proud of yourself?

You've ruined my gig.

I thought you had stopped doing that.

Why do you mind a girl
who takes her clothes off for money?

Why don't you mind
the asshole who hires her instead?

You think I'm enjoying it?

That I like it?

The baby needs a home
and I don't have money for one.

Natalia…

I'd rather be a stripper than a bad mom.

Come on.

Of course you can stay here.

Thank you.

Do you think I'm a bad mother?

Of course not.

I've always wanted only the best for him.

You should have thought more about
yourself and less about him.

Is that Lukáš?

Yeah, in the kindergarten,
at a masked ball.

There were four cowboys, two robots,

and he was the only
air traffic controller.

What?

And who is this beauty?

I looked good, didn't I?

You were super beautiful!

Was I?

Why don't you wear
your hair like that anymore?

Oh, come on. At my age?

- I'm serious. Let me see.
- Yeah?

- What a hottie!
- Yeah, sure.

Men must have been crazy about you.

Oh, stop it.

Let's go to sleep.

It's late.

- Good night.
- Good night, Eva.

And…

thank you.

Hey. Do you need anything?

What? No.

Sorry, did I wake you up?

Why are you calling me?

I feel like an asshole.

It's all my fault.

So I just wanted to know…

if you had a place to sleep.

I do.

Fine. That's great.

Good night.

If only I could sleep.

"Once upon a time…

there was a Baron Munchausen
and he kept making things up."

"He told people that he'd travelled
on a cannonball

and that his sailboat
had been blown away to the Moon."

"…thinking that lies were
the only purpose of his life."

"He made up so many things
that he didn't know

what was true and what was a lie anymore…"

"And so it came to pass
that Baron Munchausen

truly believed all his lies
and forgot who he really was."

So, shall we?

Okay, then.

Let's end it all here.

No more lies from now on.

It was a great adventure, Lukáš.

Thank you for your help.

Natalia.

What happened?
Did you have another seizure?

And what about your hair?

Would you like some?

I have some business here.

Get lost, children. Come tomorrow, okay?

Is this normal?

Is this even normal?!

It's nice.

What the hell is nice about that?
There was a half-naked guy in there.

- My neighbor!
- They're just enjoying their lives.

Yes?

What was that?

I'm in.

I've been chosen for the space program.

- Wait, wait…
- Oh, careful!

The captain of Apollo 17
put in a good word for me.

Do you get it?

We should celebrate.

Do you want to have a real party?

- Mr. Vaněk, good evening.
- Hello, Luke.

Will you let us in?

- Good evening.
- Good evening.

How's your mother?

Alright. She's studying human biology now.

I thought you weren't coming,

there's a close conjunction
of Jupiter and Saturn today.

- Exactly.
- Exactly.

Come on in.

When you said party,
I had a different idea.

This is awesome.

I spent half my childhood here.

And the other half
in the planetarium next door.

Have a look.

Wow!

Relict radiation.

This is how the universe sounded
right after the Big Bang.

This is what the creation
of the world sounds like.

Okay, I'll put something else on.

Why are you laughing?

Einstein would be happy.
We're experiencing a time paradox.

You got pregnant first, then you moved in,

and now we're kissing.

Maybe you'll get a Nobel Prize for that.

Mr. Vaněk…

Be careful with the machines, Luke.

So what now?

You go to Paris and then what?

European Space Agency program,

zero gravity training,
work in confined spaces,

module control…

It wouldn't work out anyway.

What do mean?

You're interested in the universe

and me…

I'm just a stupid stripper.

No.

We wouldn't be happy together.

No, no way.

You're amazing.

But I'm not perfect…
And you're looking for--

I don't know!
I don't know what I'm looking for.

I really don't.

I thought that…

- Maybe this time…
- Luke…

You're going to Paris in a few days.

You might even go to space,
like you've always wanted.

But me…

In a few days I'll give birth
to a baby of that stupid Juraj.

I'm not the one for you.

Take care, will you?

And say hello to your mom.

How are you this morning?
I almost didn't make it.

And what happened, Dominik?

I was coming back from the cottage
and the road was blocked by an excavator,

which definitely
wasn't supposed to be there.

Plus it was covered
in some white curtains, really weird.

Well, that's incredible,
but I'm glad you made it on time.

You're listening
to the Breakfast of Champions

with Kateřina and Dominik on Hit Radio.

And if you experienced something similar,

give us a call
and we'll play a song for you.

Breakfast of Champions.

Hits only on Hit Radio!

Lukáš Kučera, which one is it?

You stole my girlfriend!

You…

must be Juraj.

But you got it wrong.
I didn't steal anyone from you.

I've been clean…for 22 days.

For 22 days, I haven't hurt anyone.

I hope you can break the record.
Day 23 tends to be the most difficult.

Natalia is mine.
And that baby in her belly is mine, too.

I was the one who would pick her
from Apollo every morning

and drove her back there every night.

So she really is a stripper.

I have a right to her and I want her back.
Get it?

I get it. She's yours.

But next time don't act like
a retard and don't leave her.

For Christ's sake,
and now I have to start again!

I had a feeling I might cause the reset.

Look what I've got for her,
you shitty little prick.

It's over between you two. Do you get it?

But what if she doesn't love me anymore?

What if she wants you now since…

you've fallen for each other.

I'm really sorry,
but I have to knock your teeth out.

No, no, no!
We haven't fallen for each other at all!

Natalia is great,
but I'm being an asshole.

And except for one kiss
there was nothing. Nothing!

It was all a scam.

I did it for my mom.

I'm not going to have a baby,
and I'm not in any relationship.

I just wanted…

to make my mom…

proud.

Mom, I'm so sorry I lied to you
and caused you pain.

Be quiet!

I want to enjoy one last screening
before I retire.

Don't get upset, you know
you're not allowed to.

Helena said my new heart is
as strong as an ox.

This is the best angle to look at it from.

I was selfish.

Now I know it.

I used to meddle in everything.

I'll never lie to you
about anything again.

Anything.

I hate those sweaters
you knit for me every year.

They're itchy as hell.

And I hate those snow globes you bring me.

They're tasteless kitsch.

Do you remember when I was ten
and the aliens made those crop circles?

That was me.

After your dad, I slept with a lot of men.

And they were all terrible.

Mom!

I can't trump this one.

Luke,

these last few weeks have been
the most beautiful of my life.

I really took a shine to Natalia.

She likes you too.

And what about you?

Do you like her too?

I…

I do…

Eva, please, come on.

We have to go.

And don't forget to take all the pills!

Every day.
Cyclosporine, Neoral and the rest.

Yeah, I know.

And don't eat anything fat,
sweet or salty.

- And spicy.
- Karel will take care of me.

Hang in there, youngster.

Take care, Mom.

You too, my little rascal.

And say hello to the universe.

Oh, and don't stick your head
out of the rocket window.

Oh, my God.

Which way?

Okay…

Okay, hold on tight.

Hi, Lukáš.

Hello.

- Is something wrong?
- No, I just…

wanted to know if you were okay.

And wish you a nice flight.

Your mom sent me a picture
from her trip. She looked happy.

Well, someone at least.

Are you at the airport already?

Yeah.

We're also leaving in a while.

We're changing trains in Pardubice and…

Are you okay?

Actually…

I wanted to thank you.

There will never be anyone
as nice to me as you again.

I'm really afraid
I'll never be happy again.

Who are you talking to?
Are you kidding me?

Sorry, I got to go.

Enjoy the universe.

And get in touch when
you're back on the ground and…

Hello, Natalia? Hello!

The person
you have dialed is not available.

Mr. Lukáš Kučera, the last
passenger on the Paris flight,

come to Gate One immediately.

Mr. Lukáš Kučera, please.

EXIT

Attention, please. Delayed express train…

DEPARTURES: FOLLOW HER, YOU IDIOT

Natalia!

Natalia?

Natalia!

What are you doing here?

Don't go anywhere!

What? Speak up!

Stay with me.

- What?
- Why aren't you on the plane?

I don't want to go anywhere,
let alone into orbit.

What?

I want to be with you, on the ground.

Luke, forget about me.

What?

Forget about me!

What?

I love you!

You're really great.

I love how you never get my jokes.

How bad your singing is.

And how you're always babbling.

You'll never understand
why the Perseids fall.

I don't mind

anything about you.

I want to be with you
because you're my star.

You are my universe.

I don't know what to do.

Just get out and give me a kiss.

Yeah.

Sorry…

Who would have thought that one day

I'd be standing outside a city upon a hill
with a big old chestnut tree

marrying that crazy girl
from the fourth floor.

But there're only two things
in the world you can trust.

The fact that the universe is infinite…

and the biochemical instinct called love.

Although I'm not too sure
about the universe.

Daddy, let me in, I want to play too.

Wait a little longer.

Scram or I'll knock your teeth out.
Do you get it?

Sure, sorry. Go ahead.

Are we there yet?

No!

- Are we there yet?
- No!

So it was Lukáš's mother
who took a round-the-world trip instead.

- Are we there yet?
- No!

Sometimes I wonder
what would have happened

if I hadn't jumped off the train

and taken that one small step for a woman,

but a giant leap for my life.

But later it all made sense.

Not even Baron Munchausen could
have put together such a formidable crew.

BASED ON THE HUNGARIAN ORIGINAL
NEITHER WITH YOU