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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:01:21,329 --> 00:01:22,990 Thorny. 2 00:01:31,139 --> 00:01:33,505 You call this a report card? 3 00:01:33,541 --> 00:01:36,305 What kind of marks is these? 4 00:01:36,344 --> 00:01:39,313 How you gonna go to college with marks like these? 5 00:01:39,347 --> 00:01:40,609 I don't want to go to college. 6 00:01:40,648 --> 00:01:42,309 I want to work in the shop with you. 7 00:01:42,350 --> 00:01:44,113 You want to work in the shop with me, huh? 8 00:01:44,152 --> 00:01:46,017 Listen to me. 9 00:01:46,054 --> 00:01:48,818 I said it once, and I'll say it again... 10 00:01:48,857 --> 00:01:51,655 I don't care how rich or successful a man is... 11 00:01:51,693 --> 00:01:54,594 if he don't got an education, he's got nothing. 12 00:01:54,629 --> 00:01:57,598 - I tried, Pop. I can't do it. - Then try harder! 13 00:02:02,871 --> 00:02:06,432 You can do anything in life you want to do. 14 00:02:06,474 --> 00:02:10,638 Remember... you're a Meloni. 15 00:04:20,975 --> 00:04:22,943 Hi there. Are you a large person? 16 00:04:22,977 --> 00:04:25,605 Pleasantly plump? A little on the hefty side, perhaps? 17 00:04:25,647 --> 00:04:27,979 Well, let's face it. Are you fat? 18 00:04:28,016 --> 00:04:29,984 When you go jogging, do you leave potholes? 19 00:04:30,018 --> 00:04:32,213 When you make love, do you have to give directions? 20 00:04:32,253 --> 00:04:34,517 At the zoo, do elephants throw you peanuts? 21 00:04:34,555 --> 00:04:36,580 Do you look at a menu and say, "OK"? 22 00:04:36,624 --> 00:04:38,421 Well, now you can eat all you want... 23 00:04:38,459 --> 00:04:40,393 because at Thornton Melon's Tall and Fat stores... 24 00:04:40,428 --> 00:04:41,656 we've got you covered. 25 00:04:41,696 --> 00:04:44,256 That's right... fine woolen and woolen blend suits... 26 00:04:44,299 --> 00:04:46,426 and sport coats in all the larger sizes... 27 00:04:46,467 --> 00:04:50,164 husky, stout, extra-stout and the new Hindenburg line. 28 00:04:50,204 --> 00:04:52,764 And for you ladies, we have caftans, muumuus... 29 00:04:52,807 --> 00:04:55,799 and our own exclusive A-frame in all colors and patterns. 30 00:04:55,843 --> 00:04:58,403 Yes, we have miles and miles of fabric. 31 00:04:58,446 --> 00:05:00,414 So take it from me, Thornton Melon... 32 00:05:00,448 --> 00:05:03,940 if you want to look thin, you hang out with fat people. 33 00:05:03,985 --> 00:05:07,716 Thornton Melon's Tall and Fat... 150 locations across America. 34 00:05:07,755 --> 00:05:10,280 Lou, did you see the new spot? 35 00:05:10,325 --> 00:05:11,451 Yeah, I seen it. 36 00:05:11,492 --> 00:05:12,789 Do I look fat in it? 37 00:05:12,827 --> 00:05:14,488 You could lose a couple of pounds. 38 00:05:14,529 --> 00:05:17,828 I gotta get bigger actors. 39 00:05:20,401 --> 00:05:23,734 Pocahontas, how are you? Ophelia, hold some of my calls. 40 00:05:23,771 --> 00:05:26,171 Yes, sir, Mr. Melon. 41 00:05:29,177 --> 00:05:30,144 Good morning, everyone. 42 00:05:30,178 --> 00:05:32,305 Morning. 43 00:05:32,347 --> 00:05:34,008 Take it easy, will ya? 44 00:05:34,048 --> 00:05:37,540 And don't get any on the walls. 45 00:05:37,585 --> 00:05:39,746 OK, folks. What's up? 46 00:05:39,787 --> 00:05:41,846 Mr. Melon, we have a serious offer... 47 00:05:41,889 --> 00:05:44,858 on your commercial property in south Florida... 48 00:05:44,892 --> 00:05:46,883 and we feel you should sell. 49 00:05:46,928 --> 00:05:49,692 No. Hold it for one more year, take the depreciation... 50 00:05:49,731 --> 00:05:52,291 then transfer title to the California Corporation. 51 00:05:52,333 --> 00:05:54,528 Show it as a capital gain. We should do great. 52 00:05:57,372 --> 00:05:58,566 What else? 53 00:05:58,606 --> 00:06:00,870 The toy division has come up with a new doll idea... 54 00:06:00,908 --> 00:06:03,536 to go along with our children's clothing line. 55 00:06:03,578 --> 00:06:06,376 We call them Melon Patch Kids. 56 00:06:06,414 --> 00:06:08,712 Now, the competition exploits the notion... 57 00:06:08,750 --> 00:06:11,480 that their dolls are orphans. 58 00:06:11,519 --> 00:06:14,750 The Melon Patch Kids are not orphans. 59 00:06:14,789 --> 00:06:16,950 They're abandoned. 60 00:06:16,991 --> 00:06:18,458 We think it's a winner. 61 00:06:18,493 --> 00:06:19,790 OK, go with it. 62 00:06:19,827 --> 00:06:22,193 But keep the unit cost under five bucks. 63 00:06:22,230 --> 00:06:25,393 Last year, we took a bath on those Chubby Tubby Tub toys. 64 00:06:25,433 --> 00:06:27,867 - Jason's on the phone. - Jason. 65 00:06:27,902 --> 00:06:30,427 OK, everybody, take a break. 66 00:06:30,471 --> 00:06:34,601 Excuse me, Mr. Melon, but we have a very long agenda. 67 00:06:34,642 --> 00:06:37,770 - Later. My son's on the phone. - But, Mr. Melon! 68 00:06:37,812 --> 00:06:39,803 Beat it, punk. 69 00:06:42,650 --> 00:06:43,810 Jason, how are you? 70 00:06:43,851 --> 00:06:45,785 How you doin'? How's the diving going? 71 00:06:45,820 --> 00:06:48,584 Oh, it's great. We just finished up practice. 72 00:06:48,623 --> 00:06:50,818 Oh, keep it up, keep it up! And the fraternity... 73 00:06:50,858 --> 00:06:52,826 I'll bet you're having fun in the fraternity, huh? 74 00:06:52,860 --> 00:06:55,920 What do you think? Yeah, it's great. 75 00:06:55,963 --> 00:06:57,555 Oh, that's great. 76 00:06:57,598 --> 00:07:00,158 You're not doing too much, are you? You studying? 77 00:07:00,201 --> 00:07:02,465 Well, right now, we're between semesters... 78 00:07:02,503 --> 00:07:04,471 so classes don't start up again for another week. 79 00:07:04,505 --> 00:07:06,769 No classes? Then come home. 80 00:07:06,808 --> 00:07:08,571 Tonight, your mother and I are having a big party. 81 00:07:08,609 --> 00:07:09,974 It's our fifth anniversary. 82 00:07:10,011 --> 00:07:14,277 Whoa, Dad. She's not my mother, she's your wife... 83 00:07:14,315 --> 00:07:16,476 and I don't get the feeling she wants me around. 84 00:07:16,517 --> 00:07:19,008 OK, let's not start that again. 85 00:07:19,053 --> 00:07:21,351 I'll tell you what. I'll come up there to see you. 86 00:07:21,389 --> 00:07:23,357 No. Bad. Bad idea. 87 00:07:23,391 --> 00:07:25,382 I got this big dive meet coming up. 88 00:07:25,426 --> 00:07:27,758 I gotta practice. I wouldn't have any time to see you. 89 00:07:27,795 --> 00:07:30,821 - It's a rotten time. - OK. I understand. 90 00:07:30,865 --> 00:07:32,025 Look, Dad, I promise... 91 00:07:32,066 --> 00:07:34,330 I'll come down for a visit next break I get, OK? 92 00:07:34,368 --> 00:07:37,269 All right? Look, I gotta go, OK? 93 00:07:37,305 --> 00:07:38,431 OK, Jason. 94 00:07:38,473 --> 00:07:40,498 Take care of yourself. I love you. 95 00:07:40,541 --> 00:07:43,567 Yeah, I love you, too. All right. Bye-bye. 96 00:07:43,611 --> 00:07:45,579 Melon, I told you to clean my locker. 97 00:07:45,613 --> 00:07:47,205 If it's too much for you... 98 00:07:47,248 --> 00:07:49,079 we'll get ourselves a new towel boy. 99 00:07:49,116 --> 00:07:53,177 Right. Look, I'm sorry, Chas. I'll get on it as soon as I can. 100 00:08:10,104 --> 00:08:11,332 Home sweet home. 101 00:08:11,372 --> 00:08:14,170 - I liked the old house better. - So did I. 102 00:08:14,208 --> 00:08:15,835 I liked the old wife better, too. 103 00:08:15,877 --> 00:08:18,812 Lay off Vanessa. She gives great headache. 104 00:08:18,846 --> 00:08:20,973 Lou, I can't believe it. Married five years. 105 00:08:21,015 --> 00:08:22,915 Seems like yesterday. 106 00:08:22,950 --> 00:08:25,475 And you know what a lousy day yesterday was. 107 00:08:30,258 --> 00:08:33,091 Please don't throw your clothes on the Breuer chair. 108 00:08:33,127 --> 00:08:36,062 How come all our furniture has names? 109 00:08:36,097 --> 00:08:38,565 I have absolutely nothing to wear. 110 00:08:38,599 --> 00:08:40,760 You got six closets full of nothing to wear. 111 00:08:40,801 --> 00:08:43,668 Are you saying I spend too much money? 112 00:08:43,704 --> 00:08:45,569 You, spend too much money? No. 113 00:08:45,606 --> 00:08:49,337 Lots of people go to Switzerland to get their watch fixed. 114 00:08:49,377 --> 00:08:52,107 You have no taste, Thornton. 115 00:08:52,146 --> 00:08:54,205 You're right. I married you, didn't I? 116 00:08:54,248 --> 00:08:55,545 I don't have time to argue. 117 00:08:55,583 --> 00:08:57,050 Our friends will be here any minute. 118 00:08:57,084 --> 00:08:58,415 You mean your friends. 119 00:08:58,452 --> 00:09:01,319 They are my friends, and I'd like to keep them. 120 00:09:01,355 --> 00:09:03,255 So please, just behave yourself tonight. 121 00:09:03,291 --> 00:09:06,192 Don't worry. If the roast beef is right, they'll be back. 122 00:09:11,566 --> 00:09:13,830 Jennifer, you look divine. 123 00:09:13,868 --> 00:09:16,701 And, Peter, I thought you were still in Portofino. 124 00:09:16,737 --> 00:09:19,604 Why haven't you called? 125 00:09:19,640 --> 00:09:22,234 - She's a lovely gal. - Oh, yes, she is. 126 00:09:22,276 --> 00:09:24,904 Oh, Ramon, you look fantastic. 127 00:09:24,946 --> 00:09:27,244 I thought you were still in Tijuana. 128 00:09:27,281 --> 00:09:30,341 - Excuse me, se�or? - Nothing. It's all right. 129 00:09:30,384 --> 00:09:32,909 - Gimme a beer. - I'm sorry, se�or. 130 00:09:32,954 --> 00:09:35,787 All we have is martinis and champagne. 131 00:09:35,823 --> 00:09:38,053 My own house, I can't get a beer. 132 00:09:38,092 --> 00:09:41,584 Mrs. Melon gave us strict orders... no cerveza. 133 00:09:41,629 --> 00:09:43,995 It's all right. I'll get it myself. 134 00:10:00,881 --> 00:10:02,348 Hey! Adam and evil. 135 00:10:04,986 --> 00:10:06,851 Mr. Melon. 136 00:10:06,887 --> 00:10:08,787 We was just... 137 00:10:08,823 --> 00:10:11,815 Iooking for some cocktail napkins. 138 00:10:11,859 --> 00:10:13,656 Where? Under her dress? 139 00:10:13,694 --> 00:10:15,491 You're impossible. 140 00:10:15,529 --> 00:10:16,860 And you're easy. 141 00:10:21,002 --> 00:10:23,402 I love Klimt, don't you? 142 00:10:23,437 --> 00:10:26,600 Mr. Melon, your wife was just showing us her Klimt. 143 00:10:26,641 --> 00:10:29,542 You too, huh? She's showin' it to everybody. 144 00:10:29,577 --> 00:10:31,807 - She's very proud of it. - I'm proud of mine, too. 145 00:10:31,846 --> 00:10:33,939 I don't wave it around at parties. 146 00:10:33,981 --> 00:10:36,472 - It's an exceptional painting. - Oh, the painting. 147 00:10:36,517 --> 00:10:39,179 Yeah. Drink up, enjoy yourself, huh? 148 00:10:44,659 --> 00:10:46,889 I hate small food, you know? 149 00:11:11,152 --> 00:11:13,120 Hey, buddy, come here, will you? 150 00:11:13,154 --> 00:11:15,088 Put your hand right over there, will you? 151 00:11:15,122 --> 00:11:17,113 I learned this in Europe. 152 00:11:23,497 --> 00:11:26,057 Look out, coming through. Hot stuff. Look out. 153 00:11:28,669 --> 00:11:30,637 I'd like you to meet Mr. And Mrs. Stuyvesant. 154 00:11:30,671 --> 00:11:31,763 Right, right. 155 00:11:31,806 --> 00:11:33,330 - How do you do? - Thornton! 156 00:11:36,143 --> 00:11:38,441 How you doin'? 157 00:11:40,781 --> 00:11:42,772 Hi there, sir. How are you? 158 00:11:45,252 --> 00:11:47,812 Never mind. I got my own here. It's all right. 159 00:11:50,291 --> 00:11:53,283 Millicent, you look charming. I love your dress. 160 00:11:53,327 --> 00:11:55,192 Don't you, Thornton? 161 00:11:55,229 --> 00:11:57,197 It's such a lovely shade of green. 162 00:11:57,231 --> 00:12:00,598 Yeah. If that dress had pockets, you'd look like a pool table. 163 00:12:00,634 --> 00:12:02,625 You should try my Tall and Fat stores. 164 00:12:02,670 --> 00:12:03,898 No offense. 165 00:12:06,941 --> 00:12:09,933 May I speak to you privately, please? 166 00:12:14,281 --> 00:12:16,272 Watch my sandwich, will you? 167 00:12:17,818 --> 00:12:19,945 I can't take any more of this! 168 00:12:19,987 --> 00:12:22,785 You've insulted our friends, you've insulted me... 169 00:12:22,823 --> 00:12:25,053 and you've gone out of your way to ruin this party. 170 00:12:25,092 --> 00:12:27,424 Party? Are you kiddin'? It's a dog show out there. 171 00:12:27,461 --> 00:12:30,055 Your friends, they come here for free food, free booze... 172 00:12:30,097 --> 00:12:32,190 and to suck up to you for donations. 173 00:12:32,233 --> 00:12:35,225 You have no class, Thornton, and I am tired of it. 174 00:12:35,269 --> 00:12:36,736 I want a divorce. 175 00:12:36,771 --> 00:12:39,331 Divorce. I knew we had something in common. 176 00:12:39,373 --> 00:12:40,863 Here, sign these. 177 00:12:43,410 --> 00:12:46,470 I'm afraid it's not gonna be that easy, honey. 178 00:12:46,514 --> 00:12:49,176 This is gonna cost you... plenty! 179 00:12:49,216 --> 00:12:51,411 Oh, yeah? 180 00:12:51,452 --> 00:12:53,977 Let's talk about class a minute, all right? 181 00:12:54,021 --> 00:12:55,989 Here's you and Giorgio in the guest room. 182 00:12:56,023 --> 00:12:57,684 Classy, isn't it? 183 00:12:57,725 --> 00:12:59,556 Here's you and Giorgio in the rumpus room. 184 00:12:59,593 --> 00:13:01,322 Another classy one, huh? 185 00:13:01,362 --> 00:13:04,229 This one I can't figure out. There's you, there's Giorgio... 186 00:13:04,265 --> 00:13:06,358 what's with the midget over here? 187 00:13:06,400 --> 00:13:08,800 Hey, wait! I got more! 188 00:13:21,182 --> 00:13:22,342 What happened in there? 189 00:13:22,383 --> 00:13:24,044 What happened? 190 00:13:24,084 --> 00:13:27,781 I got rid of Vanessa. I feel like I just got paroled. 191 00:13:27,822 --> 00:13:30,017 I'll tell you what bothers me... 192 00:13:30,057 --> 00:13:32,389 I let her come between me and Jason. 193 00:13:32,426 --> 00:13:35,520 Lou, pack our bags. 194 00:13:40,801 --> 00:13:43,235 We're going up to that college to see my son! 195 00:14:20,374 --> 00:14:23,002 Boy, will Jason be surprised. 196 00:14:23,043 --> 00:14:26,012 Look, there's Greek letters. That must be the house. 197 00:14:45,833 --> 00:14:47,767 Is that an "amigo" or a unicorn? 198 00:14:47,801 --> 00:14:49,894 Beats me. Don't you know any Greek? 199 00:14:49,937 --> 00:14:52,030 The only Greek I know owns a coffee shop on State Street. 200 00:14:52,072 --> 00:14:54,597 Jimmy Pitsos, remember him? He had an ugly wife... 201 00:14:54,642 --> 00:14:57,475 four ugly kids, and good coffee. 202 00:14:57,511 --> 00:14:59,945 Wait here, I'll try this one. 203 00:15:12,259 --> 00:15:14,352 Hello, hello! 204 00:15:17,431 --> 00:15:19,922 Anybody here? 205 00:15:19,967 --> 00:15:22,800 Jason, where are you? 206 00:15:22,836 --> 00:15:25,566 Hey, I need some help here! 207 00:15:25,606 --> 00:15:28,837 Buddy, I'm talking to you. I need some help here! 208 00:15:28,876 --> 00:15:31,902 Take it easy, honey! I didn't see a thing. 209 00:15:31,946 --> 00:15:33,641 You're perfect. 210 00:15:33,681 --> 00:15:35,876 You jerk! 211 00:15:35,916 --> 00:15:38,043 Perfectly understandable, Mr. Melon. 212 00:15:38,085 --> 00:15:40,679 It was an honest mistake. Let's just call it a bad day. 213 00:15:40,721 --> 00:15:43,485 Yeah, but a great view. You're all right, officer. 214 00:15:43,524 --> 00:15:45,048 Here, a little something for the kids. 215 00:15:45,092 --> 00:15:47,322 - Take that, it's OK. - I don't have any kids. 216 00:15:47,361 --> 00:15:49,329 No kids? Well, here, get yourself some kids. 217 00:15:49,363 --> 00:15:51,593 Take it all, all right? And just remember... 218 00:15:51,632 --> 00:15:54,157 the best thing about kids is making 'em. 219 00:15:55,970 --> 00:15:58,165 Even if I do manage to graduate... ha ha... 220 00:15:58,205 --> 00:16:00,605 what do I do then? There's the private sector... 221 00:16:00,641 --> 00:16:02,734 but look how bad the job market is. 222 00:16:02,776 --> 00:16:04,175 There's Valerie Desmond. 223 00:16:04,211 --> 00:16:05,974 See you guys. 224 00:16:09,083 --> 00:16:11,779 Look how tight her ass is today. 225 00:16:11,819 --> 00:16:14,515 Oh, man. You think there's any way... 226 00:16:14,555 --> 00:16:17,683 she would ever go out with me? 227 00:16:17,725 --> 00:16:20,023 - No. - Oh, thanks. 228 00:16:20,060 --> 00:16:22,221 It's this whole stupid capitalist system, you know? 229 00:16:22,262 --> 00:16:24,025 It's set up to heap rewards... 230 00:16:24,064 --> 00:16:25,656 on the advantaged and the aggressive... 231 00:16:25,699 --> 00:16:27,724 and to make sure that two regular schmoes... 232 00:16:27,768 --> 00:16:31,636 like you and me never get a date with girls like Valerie Desmond. 233 00:16:31,672 --> 00:16:34,607 I hate the whole bourgeois mentality of this school. 234 00:16:34,641 --> 00:16:36,609 Let me ask you something else, man. 235 00:16:36,643 --> 00:16:38,873 Do you make this bullshit up as you go along... 236 00:16:38,912 --> 00:16:41,403 - or do you actually read this? - I read this. It's Karl Marx. 237 00:16:41,448 --> 00:16:43,814 Famous book. "Proletarian Chicks in Bondage." 238 00:16:43,851 --> 00:16:46,319 It's a Condom House book. Comes with a leather hood. 239 00:16:46,353 --> 00:16:48,014 Is that the one with the pictures? 240 00:16:48,055 --> 00:16:49,352 - Can I borrow that? - Let's move on. 241 00:16:49,390 --> 00:16:52,154 Well, no, it's, you know... 242 00:16:52,192 --> 00:16:54,387 Oh, yeah. Well, you know. 243 00:16:56,463 --> 00:16:59,694 Dad, what are you doin' here? 244 00:16:59,733 --> 00:17:02,133 I'm robbin' your room, that's what I'm doin' here. 245 00:17:02,169 --> 00:17:03,932 We drive 300 miles to see the kid... 246 00:17:03,971 --> 00:17:07,031 that's the greeting we get. Come here, will ya? 247 00:17:08,442 --> 00:17:10,342 How ya doin' there? 248 00:17:10,377 --> 00:17:12,641 I'm sorry. I'm really glad to see you... 249 00:17:12,679 --> 00:17:14,442 but I wish I knew you were coming. 250 00:17:14,481 --> 00:17:15,812 I'll bet you did, huh? 251 00:17:15,849 --> 00:17:17,510 I looked for you at that fraternity house. 252 00:17:17,551 --> 00:17:19,883 - They said you weren't a member. - I can explain that. 253 00:17:19,920 --> 00:17:21,251 They also told me you're not on the diving team. 254 00:17:21,288 --> 00:17:23,347 They said you were the towel boy. 255 00:17:23,390 --> 00:17:25,722 - I can explain that, too. - OK, explain it. 256 00:17:25,759 --> 00:17:28,592 - I lied. - Great. That explains it, huh? 257 00:17:28,629 --> 00:17:31,757 Jason, you don't lie to me. You lie to girls. 258 00:17:33,200 --> 00:17:34,292 Who's this? 259 00:17:34,334 --> 00:17:36,461 Oh, I'm sorry. This is my roommate. 260 00:17:36,503 --> 00:17:37,470 That's Derek Lutz. 261 00:17:37,504 --> 00:17:40,234 This is the dad, and that's Lou. 262 00:17:40,274 --> 00:17:42,765 - Is that your real hair? - What do you think? 263 00:17:42,810 --> 00:17:45,938 I think you're trying to get back at your parents. 264 00:17:45,979 --> 00:17:48,106 Show me the campus. I want to talk to you. 265 00:17:48,148 --> 00:17:49,308 Oh, good. 266 00:17:57,057 --> 00:17:59,082 Boy, what a great-lookin' place. 267 00:17:59,126 --> 00:18:00,889 When I used to dream about going to college... 268 00:18:00,928 --> 00:18:02,555 this is the way I always pictured it. 269 00:18:02,596 --> 00:18:04,689 Wait a minute. When did you dream about going to college? 270 00:18:04,731 --> 00:18:07,996 When I used to fall asleep in high school. 271 00:18:08,035 --> 00:18:09,969 Dad, I know how much all this means to you... 272 00:18:10,003 --> 00:18:13,370 - and I'm sorry I lied to you. - You don't have to lie to me. 273 00:18:13,407 --> 00:18:15,898 No matter what you do, I'll love you just the same. 274 00:18:15,943 --> 00:18:17,342 Will you love me no matter what? 275 00:18:17,377 --> 00:18:18,571 No matter what. 276 00:18:18,612 --> 00:18:21,308 - I'm droppin' out. - You're droppin' out? 277 00:18:21,348 --> 00:18:23,942 You just got here. You just started. 278 00:18:23,984 --> 00:18:25,952 I know, but I'm not making it here. 279 00:18:25,986 --> 00:18:28,181 I don't fit in, you know? I got one friend... Derek. 280 00:18:28,222 --> 00:18:30,247 He's got no friends. 281 00:18:30,290 --> 00:18:32,815 The girls don't like me, the fraternities don't want me. 282 00:18:32,860 --> 00:18:34,418 The diving coach won't even talk to me. 283 00:18:34,461 --> 00:18:36,486 Look at it this way... 284 00:18:36,530 --> 00:18:38,498 at least you're getting an education. 285 00:18:38,532 --> 00:18:41,092 Dad, last semester I got nothing but "Cs." 286 00:18:41,135 --> 00:18:42,932 A, B, C... you're in the top three. 287 00:18:42,970 --> 00:18:44,562 What are you worrying about? 288 00:18:44,605 --> 00:18:46,436 I just think I'd be a lot better off... 289 00:18:46,473 --> 00:18:48,031 gettin' a job or something. 290 00:18:48,075 --> 00:18:50,407 You never went to college. Look how great you're doin'. 291 00:18:50,444 --> 00:18:53,038 Jason, I said it before and I'll say it again. 292 00:18:53,080 --> 00:18:55,310 I don't care how rich and successful a man is. 293 00:18:55,349 --> 00:18:56,941 Without an education, he's nothing. 294 00:18:56,984 --> 00:18:59,316 I mean, stay in school. Study harder. 295 00:18:59,353 --> 00:19:01,218 You can be whatever you want to be. 296 00:19:01,255 --> 00:19:02,722 You want to be a loser, be a loser. 297 00:19:02,756 --> 00:19:03,848 You want to be a winner, be a winner. 298 00:19:03,891 --> 00:19:06,121 Jason, it's up to you. You can do it. 299 00:19:06,160 --> 00:19:09,061 Remember, you're a Melon! 300 00:19:09,096 --> 00:19:13,226 Dad, that's easy for you to say. You don't have to do any of it. 301 00:19:15,636 --> 00:19:17,968 OK, then. I'll do it with you. 302 00:19:19,306 --> 00:19:20,796 What do you mean, you'll do it with me? 303 00:19:20,841 --> 00:19:23,207 I mean just what I said. 304 00:19:23,243 --> 00:19:25,211 I'm going to college. What do you think? 305 00:19:25,245 --> 00:19:27,713 What do I think? I think you're nuts. 306 00:19:27,748 --> 00:19:31,548 Nuts, huh? Who made the rules? Come here. I'm going to college! 307 00:19:31,585 --> 00:19:33,109 I'm going to college! 308 00:19:36,023 --> 00:19:38,617 Let me get this straight, Mr. Melon. 309 00:19:38,659 --> 00:19:42,186 You wish to enter this widely esteemed... 310 00:19:42,229 --> 00:19:44,663 Grand Lakes University of ours as a freshman? 311 00:19:44,698 --> 00:19:46,495 That's right, Dean Martin. 312 00:19:47,634 --> 00:19:51,161 - Are you comfortable? - I'm fine, yeah. 313 00:19:51,205 --> 00:19:53,264 Oh, the chair. I'm sorry. 314 00:19:56,343 --> 00:19:59,176 This is an awkward moment for me, Mr. Melon... 315 00:19:59,213 --> 00:20:01,579 since I realize you're a highly respected member... 316 00:20:01,615 --> 00:20:03,105 of our business community. 317 00:20:03,150 --> 00:20:05,983 - Thank you. - You're welcome. 318 00:20:06,019 --> 00:20:09,580 Our student body here is handpicked by me... 319 00:20:09,623 --> 00:20:11,090 from the cr�me de la cr�me... 320 00:20:11,124 --> 00:20:14,252 of students all across this great land of ours. 321 00:20:14,294 --> 00:20:16,319 That's one of the things I like about this place. 322 00:20:16,363 --> 00:20:18,388 Yes. The point is, though... 323 00:20:18,432 --> 00:20:20,400 since you have no high school diploma... 324 00:20:20,434 --> 00:20:23,870 and no transcripts of any kind, no S.A.T. Scores... 325 00:20:23,904 --> 00:20:27,601 and you're 30 to 40 years older than our average freshman... 326 00:20:27,641 --> 00:20:30,371 how can this university ever see its way clear... 327 00:20:30,410 --> 00:20:32,810 to accept you as a student? 328 00:20:32,846 --> 00:20:35,406 As Calvin Coolidge once said... 329 00:20:35,449 --> 00:20:38,475 "The business of America is business"... 330 00:20:38,518 --> 00:20:41,043 and the business of an educational institution... 331 00:20:41,088 --> 00:20:43,716 such as ours is to create young minds... 332 00:20:43,757 --> 00:20:45,657 that understand that the business of America... 333 00:20:45,692 --> 00:20:49,389 is the kind of business that it actually is. 334 00:20:49,429 --> 00:20:53,422 So, whatever it is that I have said here today... 335 00:20:53,467 --> 00:20:58,097 the point is that we are here to honor... 336 00:20:58,138 --> 00:21:01,232 our most generous benefactor... 337 00:21:01,275 --> 00:21:04,005 and newest freshman... 338 00:21:04,044 --> 00:21:05,807 the man who's made it possible... 339 00:21:05,846 --> 00:21:08,747 for us to break ground here today... 340 00:21:08,782 --> 00:21:11,080 Mr. Thornton Melon. 341 00:21:14,221 --> 00:21:16,587 Dean Martin, great speech. 342 00:21:16,623 --> 00:21:18,989 There's nothing like good, clean business, huh? 343 00:21:19,026 --> 00:21:22,086 And a little monkey business. 344 00:21:22,129 --> 00:21:25,360 Oh, Philip. I'm so glad you could make it. 345 00:21:25,399 --> 00:21:27,799 Mr. Melon, I'd like for you to meet Dr. Philip Barbay... 346 00:21:27,834 --> 00:21:31,895 who's the dean of our school of business. 347 00:21:31,938 --> 00:21:33,701 David, I just want to get it on record... 348 00:21:33,740 --> 00:21:35,332 that I am totally against this. 349 00:21:35,375 --> 00:21:37,502 I don't think that selling admission... 350 00:21:37,544 --> 00:21:39,603 to an obviously unqualified student... 351 00:21:39,646 --> 00:21:42,137 is very ethical or honorable. 352 00:21:42,182 --> 00:21:45,709 Right, Phil, but I'd just like to say... 353 00:21:45,752 --> 00:21:48,050 in all fairness to Mr. Melon here... 354 00:21:48,088 --> 00:21:51,057 it was a really big check. 355 00:21:51,091 --> 00:21:53,184 It's a simple matter of this man's presence... 356 00:21:53,226 --> 00:21:56,195 undermining the efforts of our legitimate students... 357 00:21:56,229 --> 00:21:58,197 who are here as a result of hard work. 358 00:21:58,231 --> 00:21:59,528 Hard work? 359 00:21:59,566 --> 00:22:02,262 Listen, Sherlock, while you were tucked away up here... 360 00:22:02,302 --> 00:22:04,270 working on your ethics, I was out there... 361 00:22:04,304 --> 00:22:06,329 busting my hump in the real world. 362 00:22:06,373 --> 00:22:08,568 And the reason guys like you got a place to teach... 363 00:22:08,608 --> 00:22:10,701 is 'cause guys like me donate buildings. 364 00:22:10,744 --> 00:22:13,975 I wasn't speaking to you, Mr. Melon. 365 00:22:20,954 --> 00:22:23,218 I don't think Dr. Barbay understands... 366 00:22:23,256 --> 00:22:26,089 the actual amounts that are involved here. 367 00:22:26,126 --> 00:22:30,358 Mr. Melon, will you take the ceremonial shovel? 368 00:22:30,397 --> 00:22:31,364 Thank you. 369 00:22:31,398 --> 00:22:34,265 And dig into the symbolic dirt. 370 00:22:36,903 --> 00:22:41,863 I hereby dedicate this building to... myself. 371 00:22:54,087 --> 00:22:56,078 Now, Dad, it's just like we talked about. 372 00:22:56,123 --> 00:22:58,091 You sign up for whatever interests you, OK? 373 00:22:58,125 --> 00:22:59,854 We're gonna get on the astronomy line... 374 00:22:59,893 --> 00:23:01,884 before it closes up. See you later. 375 00:23:03,697 --> 00:23:07,656 Look at this. This is worse than the track. 376 00:23:07,701 --> 00:23:09,293 You want me to move some people for you? 377 00:23:09,336 --> 00:23:10,394 No, don't push anybody around. 378 00:23:10,437 --> 00:23:13,031 This is college. Let me think for a minute. 379 00:23:13,073 --> 00:23:14,665 What are you gonna do? 380 00:23:14,708 --> 00:23:17,074 Come on. I got an idea. 381 00:23:17,110 --> 00:23:18,077 Did you get everything you want? 382 00:23:18,111 --> 00:23:20,807 I got the Latin and the Sanskrit... 383 00:23:20,847 --> 00:23:22,474 but then they canceled my Ancient Greek. 384 00:23:22,516 --> 00:23:24,484 Just blew my whole dead languages motif. 385 00:23:24,518 --> 00:23:26,645 What are you looking at? 386 00:23:40,567 --> 00:23:42,967 You OK? 387 00:23:43,003 --> 00:23:46,530 Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. 388 00:23:46,573 --> 00:23:48,939 I'm just upset because they closed botany. 389 00:23:48,975 --> 00:23:50,943 Those bastards! 390 00:23:50,977 --> 00:23:53,138 Well, I'm not that upset. 391 00:23:54,481 --> 00:23:57,211 At least, I won't be if I get into astronomy. 392 00:23:57,250 --> 00:23:59,548 You want to cut into line with us? 393 00:23:59,586 --> 00:24:00,644 'Cause we're already waiting. 394 00:24:00,687 --> 00:24:03,520 Yes. Yeah, I would. 395 00:24:03,557 --> 00:24:04,649 Great. All right. 396 00:24:08,562 --> 00:24:10,427 Oh, this is Derek. 397 00:24:10,464 --> 00:24:13,297 Hi. 398 00:24:13,333 --> 00:24:15,130 I'm Valerie Desmond. 399 00:24:15,168 --> 00:24:17,159 Yeah, I know. 400 00:24:18,538 --> 00:24:21,507 - I'm Jason Melon. - Hi. 401 00:24:25,579 --> 00:24:27,809 - Hey, Valerie. - Hi. 402 00:24:27,848 --> 00:24:29,315 God, you look great. 403 00:24:29,349 --> 00:24:31,943 Thanks. Are you taking astronomy, too? 404 00:24:31,985 --> 00:24:33,885 Yeah, I guess so. 405 00:24:33,920 --> 00:24:35,979 I don't really want to. I'm a business major. 406 00:24:36,022 --> 00:24:39,048 But for some reason, they want us to take a science. 407 00:24:39,092 --> 00:24:41,060 You mind if I sneak in the line with you? 408 00:24:41,094 --> 00:24:43,995 Actually, these guys were nice enough to let me in... 409 00:24:44,030 --> 00:24:47,431 so it's really up to them, I guess. 410 00:24:47,467 --> 00:24:49,230 Melon, buddy? 411 00:24:49,269 --> 00:24:51,760 Whaddaya say? Let me in, OK? 412 00:24:51,805 --> 00:24:54,239 I don't think so, Osbourne. 413 00:24:54,274 --> 00:24:56,333 Melon, your friend... straighten him out. 414 00:24:56,376 --> 00:24:57,968 Look, Chas, there's a lot of people waiting. 415 00:24:58,011 --> 00:25:00,605 It wouldn't really be fair. 416 00:25:00,647 --> 00:25:01,807 I'll tell you what. 417 00:25:01,848 --> 00:25:05,909 Maybe if you got a note from each of these people... 418 00:25:05,952 --> 00:25:08,079 saying that it was all right, then we'd reconsider... 419 00:25:08,121 --> 00:25:09,918 but until that day, take a hike... 420 00:25:09,956 --> 00:25:13,050 you elitist fraternity scumbag. 421 00:25:16,730 --> 00:25:18,789 I won't forget this, Melon. 422 00:25:18,832 --> 00:25:20,595 I'll see you at the pool. 423 00:25:20,634 --> 00:25:21,999 - Bye, Val. - Bye. 424 00:25:22,035 --> 00:25:23,627 Thank you. I'm dead. 425 00:25:23,670 --> 00:25:25,638 You're not gonna believe this! 426 00:25:25,672 --> 00:25:28,266 - You're kidding! - I'm not kidding! Just go! 427 00:25:28,308 --> 00:25:29,969 He's out there! 428 00:25:40,153 --> 00:25:43,554 Bruce! Bruce! Bruce! Bruce! 429 00:25:48,495 --> 00:25:49,894 Where is he? 430 00:25:49,930 --> 00:25:51,056 I don't know, kid. 431 00:25:51,097 --> 00:25:52,792 All I know is I'm supposed to pick him up here. 432 00:25:52,832 --> 00:25:54,800 - When? - Now. 433 00:25:54,834 --> 00:25:57,530 Come on, let's register. 434 00:26:06,212 --> 00:26:07,736 Hey, you guys get everything you need? 435 00:26:07,781 --> 00:26:09,043 Oh, yeah, we got it. 436 00:26:09,082 --> 00:26:10,674 Good. What's with the used books? 437 00:26:10,717 --> 00:26:13,117 - What's wrong with used books? - They've already been read. 438 00:26:13,153 --> 00:26:14,950 And they've already been underlined. 439 00:26:14,988 --> 00:26:16,216 That's the problem. 440 00:26:16,256 --> 00:26:18,486 The guy who underlined them could have been a maniac. 441 00:26:18,525 --> 00:26:21,824 Get these guys some new books. 442 00:26:21,861 --> 00:26:24,796 Charge it to me, too. Here, pick a card. 443 00:26:25,999 --> 00:26:28,832 And I'm taking four of those school sweaters... 444 00:26:28,868 --> 00:26:31,564 a bunch of pennants, some of those beer mugs... 445 00:26:31,605 --> 00:26:34,199 a few of these fuzz balls you cheer with, and... 446 00:26:34,240 --> 00:26:37,471 Hey, folks, it's on me! Shakespeare for everyone, OK? 447 00:26:39,079 --> 00:26:42,014 You, too, honey. I'd like to tame your shrew. 448 00:26:42,048 --> 00:26:45,882 - Who is that? - That is Mr. Thornton Melon... 449 00:26:45,919 --> 00:26:48,581 the world's oldest living freshman... 450 00:26:48,622 --> 00:26:51,648 and the walking epitome of the decline of modern education. 451 00:26:51,691 --> 00:26:54,091 The stupid clod thinks he can buy his way out of the gutter. 452 00:26:54,127 --> 00:26:56,425 I don't think so. He was just having fun. 453 00:26:56,463 --> 00:27:01,127 Oh, really? Well, I can't wait to get him in my class. 454 00:27:01,167 --> 00:27:03,294 We'll see how much fun he is then. 455 00:27:03,336 --> 00:27:04,496 Oh, Philip. 456 00:27:04,537 --> 00:27:07,563 Hey, Mr. M! You're all set. We've been working all night. 457 00:27:07,607 --> 00:27:09,165 We got it all done. 458 00:27:09,209 --> 00:27:11,040 Thanks, Buzzy. I appreciate it. 459 00:27:11,077 --> 00:27:14,376 Add a few hundred to the bill and throw your boys a party. 460 00:27:14,414 --> 00:27:17,542 You know what you got, Mr. M? You got class. 461 00:27:17,584 --> 00:27:20,781 It rubbed off from you, Buzzy. Say hello to Sonia for me, huh? 462 00:27:20,820 --> 00:27:22,014 You got it. 463 00:27:22,055 --> 00:27:24,956 I want to talk to you about my schedule. 464 00:27:24,991 --> 00:27:27,152 We'll go over it later. 465 00:27:39,973 --> 00:27:42,305 Well, boys, what do you think? 466 00:27:42,342 --> 00:27:44,207 Got a hot tub in there! 467 00:27:44,244 --> 00:27:46,405 How can you study if you're not relaxed? 468 00:27:46,446 --> 00:27:47,606 When's our first class? 469 00:27:47,647 --> 00:27:49,808 We got economics tomorrow at 11:00. 470 00:27:49,849 --> 00:27:51,009 11:00? No good. 471 00:27:51,051 --> 00:27:53,212 I got a massage at 11:00. Tell them to make it 2:00. 472 00:27:53,253 --> 00:27:56,416 No, Dad, you don't get it. 473 00:27:56,456 --> 00:28:00,586 They're not gonna reschedule the classes around your massage. 474 00:28:00,627 --> 00:28:03,187 All right, 11:00. But I'm gonna talk to that dean. 475 00:28:03,229 --> 00:28:05,720 These classes can be a real inconvenience. 476 00:28:05,765 --> 00:28:08,233 All right, settle down, people. 477 00:28:08,268 --> 00:28:11,260 We've got a lot to cover, and time is short. 478 00:28:15,075 --> 00:28:18,101 There are two kinds of people in business today... 479 00:28:18,144 --> 00:28:20,112 the quick and the dead. 480 00:28:20,146 --> 00:28:23,274 So, rather than waste your time this semester... 481 00:28:23,316 --> 00:28:25,750 with a lot of useless theories... 482 00:28:25,785 --> 00:28:27,810 we're going to jump right in with both feet... 483 00:28:27,854 --> 00:28:30,755 and create a fictional company from the ground up. 484 00:28:30,790 --> 00:28:33,816 We'll construct our physical plant... 485 00:28:33,860 --> 00:28:36,260 we'll set up an efficient administrative... 486 00:28:36,296 --> 00:28:38,093 and executive structure... 487 00:28:38,131 --> 00:28:41,726 then we'll manufacture our product and market it. 488 00:28:41,768 --> 00:28:44,430 I think you'll find it very interesting and a lot of fun. 489 00:28:44,471 --> 00:28:48,032 So, let's start by looking at construction costs... 490 00:28:48,074 --> 00:28:50,065 of our new factory. 491 00:28:50,110 --> 00:28:52,305 What's the product? 492 00:28:52,345 --> 00:28:53,539 That is immaterial... 493 00:28:53,580 --> 00:28:55,707 for the purposes of our discussion here... 494 00:28:55,749 --> 00:28:57,512 but if it makes you happy... 495 00:28:57,550 --> 00:28:59,711 let's say we're making tape recorders. 496 00:28:59,753 --> 00:29:01,744 Tape recorders? Are you kiddin'? 497 00:29:01,788 --> 00:29:05,246 The Japs will kill us on the labor costs. 498 00:29:05,291 --> 00:29:07,259 OK, fine. 499 00:29:07,293 --> 00:29:10,057 Then let's just say they're widgets. 500 00:29:10,096 --> 00:29:11,996 What's a widget? 501 00:29:12,031 --> 00:29:15,330 It's a fictional product. It doesn't matter. 502 00:29:15,368 --> 00:29:17,427 Doesn't matter. Tell that to the bank. 503 00:29:17,470 --> 00:29:19,597 Take it easy. It's the first day. 504 00:29:19,639 --> 00:29:23,097 On the board, you will see a cost analysis... 505 00:29:23,143 --> 00:29:25,737 for construction of a 30,000 square-foot facility... 506 00:29:25,779 --> 00:29:28,475 which will encompass both factory and office space... 507 00:29:28,515 --> 00:29:31,416 and is fully serviced by all utilities... 508 00:29:31,451 --> 00:29:34,614 a railroad spur line and a four-bay shipping dock. 509 00:29:34,654 --> 00:29:37,748 Hold it, hold it. Why build? You're better off leasing... 510 00:29:37,791 --> 00:29:40,259 at a buck and a quarter, a buck and a half a square foot. 511 00:29:40,293 --> 00:29:42,989 Take your down payment and put it into CDs... 512 00:29:43,029 --> 00:29:45,259 or something else you can roll over every couple of months. 513 00:29:45,298 --> 00:29:46,822 Thank you, Mr. Melon... 514 00:29:46,866 --> 00:29:49,664 but we'll be concentrating on finance... 515 00:29:49,702 --> 00:29:52,262 a little later in the term. 516 00:29:52,305 --> 00:29:54,432 For the time being, let's just concentrate... 517 00:29:54,474 --> 00:29:56,806 on the construction figures, shall we? 518 00:29:56,843 --> 00:30:00,040 You'll see the final bottom line requires the factoring in... 519 00:30:00,079 --> 00:30:02,547 of not just the material and construction costs... 520 00:30:02,582 --> 00:30:07,542 but also the architects' fees and the cost of land servicing. 521 00:30:07,587 --> 00:30:09,919 Oh, you left out a bunch of stuff. 522 00:30:09,956 --> 00:30:11,924 Oh, really? 523 00:30:11,958 --> 00:30:13,983 Like what, for instance? 524 00:30:14,027 --> 00:30:17,326 First of all, you have to grease the local politicians... 525 00:30:17,363 --> 00:30:19,558 for the sudden zoning problems that always come up. 526 00:30:19,599 --> 00:30:22,193 Then there's the kickbacks to the carpenters. 527 00:30:22,235 --> 00:30:24,203 And if you plan on using any cement in this building... 528 00:30:24,237 --> 00:30:25,727 I'm sure the teamsters would like to have... 529 00:30:25,772 --> 00:30:27,831 a little chat with you, and that'll cost you. 530 00:30:27,874 --> 00:30:30,536 Don't forget a little something for the building inspectors. 531 00:30:30,577 --> 00:30:33,671 There's the long-term costs, such as waste disposal. 532 00:30:33,713 --> 00:30:35,738 I don't know if you're familiar with who runs that business... 533 00:30:35,782 --> 00:30:37,841 but I assure you it's not the boy scouts. 534 00:30:37,884 --> 00:30:39,249 That will be quite enough, Mr. Melon. 535 00:30:39,285 --> 00:30:41,412 Maybe bribes and kickbacks... 536 00:30:41,454 --> 00:30:44,821 and Mafia payoffs are how you do business... 537 00:30:44,858 --> 00:30:47,622 but they are not part of the legitimate business world... 538 00:30:47,660 --> 00:30:49,560 and they're certainly not part of anything... 539 00:30:49,596 --> 00:30:52,064 I'm teaching in this class. Do I make myself clear? 540 00:30:52,098 --> 00:30:54,931 Sorry. Just trying to help. That's all. 541 00:30:54,968 --> 00:31:00,031 Now, notwithstanding Mr. Melon's input... 542 00:31:00,073 --> 00:31:04,203 the next question for us is where to build our factory. 543 00:31:04,244 --> 00:31:06,678 How about Fantasyland? 544 00:31:10,216 --> 00:31:13,117 My first class. I did good, huh? 545 00:31:13,152 --> 00:31:15,552 You better cool it with Dr. Barbay. 546 00:31:15,588 --> 00:31:17,351 Dr. Barbay, he don't know dick. 547 00:31:17,390 --> 00:31:19,324 He really tells it like it ain't. 548 00:31:19,359 --> 00:31:21,919 Know what he knows how to do? Flunk you. 549 00:31:21,961 --> 00:31:24,327 Flunk me? Flunk him. 550 00:31:24,364 --> 00:31:27,128 Great attitude. Do you know where your next class is? 551 00:31:27,166 --> 00:31:30,135 Contemporary American history. Professor Turgeson. 552 00:31:30,169 --> 00:31:32,603 - Turgeson? - You know him? Is he good? 553 00:31:32,639 --> 00:31:34,971 Well, he's really committed. 554 00:31:35,008 --> 00:31:37,238 In fact, I think he was. Just keep your head down... 555 00:31:37,277 --> 00:31:39,040 and your mouth shut. You should be all right. 556 00:31:39,078 --> 00:31:40,602 - I'll see you in English. - All right. 557 00:31:40,647 --> 00:31:44,139 Welcome to Contemporary American history. 558 00:31:44,183 --> 00:31:46,378 I'm Professor Turgeson. 559 00:31:46,419 --> 00:31:48,887 I know a lot of people think history is just facts... 560 00:31:48,922 --> 00:31:52,915 just information about the past, but not me. 561 00:31:52,959 --> 00:31:56,258 I hold history very sacred. Sacred. 562 00:31:56,296 --> 00:31:58,787 The way a farmer looks at the Earth and holds it sacred. 563 00:31:58,831 --> 00:32:00,822 The way a Christian takes the Bible... 564 00:32:00,867 --> 00:32:02,129 and he holds it sacred. 565 00:32:02,168 --> 00:32:05,103 The way a lot of people hold their marriage sacred. 566 00:32:05,138 --> 00:32:07,470 That's how I feel about it. So why don't we dive right in... 567 00:32:07,507 --> 00:32:10,271 by interpreting one of the easiest events... 568 00:32:10,310 --> 00:32:13,507 in the last twenty years of American history. 569 00:32:13,546 --> 00:32:15,980 Now, can someone tell me... 570 00:32:16,015 --> 00:32:20,452 why, in 1975, we pulled our troops out of Vietnam? 571 00:32:21,988 --> 00:32:24,752 The failure of Vietnamization to win popular support... 572 00:32:24,791 --> 00:32:26,759 caused an ongoing erosion of confidence... 573 00:32:26,793 --> 00:32:30,024 in the various American... but illegal... Saigon regimes. 574 00:32:34,434 --> 00:32:35,628 Is she right? 575 00:32:37,837 --> 00:32:39,395 'Cause I know that's the popular version... 576 00:32:39,439 --> 00:32:40,770 of what went on there. 577 00:32:40,807 --> 00:32:42,866 I know a lot of people like to believe that. 578 00:32:42,909 --> 00:32:44,934 I wish I could, but I was there. 579 00:32:44,978 --> 00:32:46,468 I wasn't here in a classroom... 580 00:32:46,512 --> 00:32:48,036 hoping I was right, thinking about it. 581 00:32:48,081 --> 00:32:50,811 I was up to my knees in rice paddies... 582 00:32:50,850 --> 00:32:53,318 with guns that didn't work, going up against Charlie... 583 00:32:53,353 --> 00:32:56,288 slugging it out with him, while pussies like you... 584 00:32:56,322 --> 00:32:59,189 were back here partyin', puttin' headbands on... 585 00:32:59,225 --> 00:33:02,160 doin' drugs, listening to the goddamn Beatle albums! 586 00:33:04,897 --> 00:33:06,831 Hey, Professor, take it easy, will ya? 587 00:33:06,866 --> 00:33:09,733 These kids were in grade school at the time. 588 00:33:09,769 --> 00:33:11,066 And me... 589 00:33:11,104 --> 00:33:13,937 I'm not a fighter, I'm a lover. 590 00:33:17,810 --> 00:33:20,711 Well, I didn't know you wanted to get involved... 591 00:33:20,747 --> 00:33:24,114 with the discussion, Mr. Helper. 592 00:33:24,150 --> 00:33:27,586 But since you want to help, maybe you can help me, OK? 593 00:33:27,620 --> 00:33:29,520 You remember that thing we had about thirty years ago... 594 00:33:29,555 --> 00:33:30,920 called the Korean conflict? 595 00:33:30,957 --> 00:33:34,154 Yeah. Where we failed to achieve victory. 596 00:33:34,193 --> 00:33:36,593 How come we didn't cross the 38th parallel... 597 00:33:36,629 --> 00:33:39,689 and push those rice-eaters back to the Great Wall of China... 598 00:33:39,732 --> 00:33:41,723 and take it apart brick by brick... 599 00:33:41,768 --> 00:33:44,202 and nuke them back into the fuckin' stone age forever? 600 00:33:44,237 --> 00:33:47,695 How come? Tell me? Why? Say it! Say it! 601 00:33:47,740 --> 00:33:49,901 All right, I'll say it. 602 00:33:49,942 --> 00:33:52,035 'Cause Truman was too much of a pussy wimp... 603 00:33:52,078 --> 00:33:55,707 to let MacArthur go in and blow out those commie bastards! 604 00:33:57,417 --> 00:34:00,545 Good answer. Good answer. 605 00:34:01,988 --> 00:34:04,752 I like the way you think. 606 00:34:04,791 --> 00:34:08,192 I'm gonna be watching you. 607 00:34:10,396 --> 00:34:13,661 Good teacher. He really seems to care. 608 00:34:13,699 --> 00:34:16,031 About what, I have no idea. 609 00:34:17,103 --> 00:34:18,968 College is all right, I'll tell you that. 610 00:34:19,005 --> 00:34:21,337 Hey, buddy, be my guest. Here's a pen. 611 00:34:21,374 --> 00:34:25,208 Boys, here's a couple of pens, in case you learn how to write. 612 00:34:25,244 --> 00:34:27,508 - I know you. - Oh, yeah? Here's a pen. 613 00:34:27,547 --> 00:34:29,777 You do those obnoxious commercials. 614 00:34:29,816 --> 00:34:31,147 You're tall and fat. 615 00:34:31,184 --> 00:34:35,177 Yeah, you're short and ugly. Give me the pen back, will ya? 616 00:34:35,221 --> 00:34:37,451 Honey, here's a pen. 617 00:34:37,490 --> 00:34:39,890 Boys, how are ya? 618 00:35:01,714 --> 00:35:03,147 "And Gibraltar is a girl... 619 00:35:03,182 --> 00:35:05,844 "where I was a flower of the mountain. 620 00:35:05,885 --> 00:35:07,853 "Yes, when I put the rose in my hair... 621 00:35:07,887 --> 00:35:09,354 "like the Andalusian girls used. 622 00:35:09,388 --> 00:35:11,447 "Or shall I wear red? 623 00:35:11,491 --> 00:35:14,324 "Yes. And how he kissed me under the Moorish wall... 624 00:35:14,360 --> 00:35:15,486 "and I thought... 625 00:35:15,528 --> 00:35:17,462 "well, as well him as another. 626 00:35:17,497 --> 00:35:19,795 "And then I ask him with my eyes to ask again. 627 00:35:19,832 --> 00:35:23,495 "Yes. And then he asked me would I yes to say yes. 628 00:35:23,536 --> 00:35:25,094 "My mountain flower. 629 00:35:25,138 --> 00:35:27,436 "And first I put my arms around him, yes... 630 00:35:27,473 --> 00:35:28,940 "and drew him down to me... 631 00:35:28,975 --> 00:35:31,603 "so he could feel my breasts all perfumed, yes... 632 00:35:31,644 --> 00:35:33,942 "and his heart was going like mad, and yes... 633 00:35:33,980 --> 00:35:35,971 "I said, yes, I will, yes." 634 00:35:36,015 --> 00:35:39,212 Yes! Yes! 635 00:35:44,390 --> 00:35:46,358 Thanks for the vote of confidence. 636 00:35:46,392 --> 00:35:47,859 I think Joyce is pretty hot, too. 637 00:35:47,894 --> 00:35:49,794 And now that I've got your attention... 638 00:35:49,829 --> 00:35:51,228 I'd like to run down the reading list... 639 00:35:51,264 --> 00:35:54,324 for the semester. See what else turns you on. 640 00:36:00,239 --> 00:36:02,002 What a woman. 641 00:36:02,041 --> 00:36:04,339 Dad, she is the teacher. 642 00:36:04,377 --> 00:36:05,867 I know. I like teachers. 643 00:36:05,912 --> 00:36:08,244 If you do something wrong, they make you do it over again. 644 00:36:10,016 --> 00:36:12,507 Don't you think maybe you should just take some notes? 645 00:36:12,552 --> 00:36:15,112 Yeah, yeah. 646 00:36:15,154 --> 00:36:19,056 I gave away all my pens. 647 00:36:19,091 --> 00:36:21,457 I'm sorry. I need this back. 648 00:36:21,494 --> 00:36:23,655 Here's a calendar for you. 649 00:36:26,999 --> 00:36:28,193 Oh, hiya. 650 00:36:28,234 --> 00:36:31,101 Hello, Mr. Melon. You waiting for me? 651 00:36:31,137 --> 00:36:33,833 Yes, I was. Look, I know I'm only a freshman... 652 00:36:33,873 --> 00:36:36,239 but what do you say you and I have dinner tonight? 653 00:36:36,275 --> 00:36:39,540 We could talk about Joyce. She's my favorite writer. 654 00:36:41,581 --> 00:36:44,106 You're not the usual freshman, but I'm sorry, I can't. 655 00:36:44,150 --> 00:36:46,015 The thing is, I'm sort of going with someone. 656 00:36:46,052 --> 00:36:48,213 Oh. Where you going? 657 00:36:48,254 --> 00:36:50,745 That's a good question. 658 00:36:50,790 --> 00:36:53,452 Actually, I'd like to join you, but I have class tonight. 659 00:36:53,492 --> 00:36:56,757 - How about tomorrow night? - I have class then, too. 660 00:36:56,796 --> 00:36:58,525 I'll tell you what, then. 661 00:36:58,564 --> 00:37:02,523 Why don't you call me when you have no class? 662 00:37:02,568 --> 00:37:04,798 All right. Maybe I will. 663 00:37:10,676 --> 00:37:13,167 Hello, Philip. 664 00:37:13,212 --> 00:37:15,339 What did he want? 665 00:37:15,381 --> 00:37:18,282 Oh, what do all men want? 666 00:37:18,317 --> 00:37:20,251 He wants you to dress up as Wonder Woman... 667 00:37:20,286 --> 00:37:23,813 tie him up with a golden lariat and force him to tell the truth? 668 00:37:23,856 --> 00:37:26,256 No, just dinner, Philip. 669 00:37:26,292 --> 00:37:29,386 Are you jealous of Thornton Melon? 670 00:37:29,428 --> 00:37:31,487 Certainly not. 671 00:37:31,530 --> 00:37:34,431 I've been doing a great deal of thinking lately. 672 00:37:34,467 --> 00:37:37,732 I've been thinking about us. 673 00:37:37,770 --> 00:37:40,238 - And? - And I think... 674 00:37:40,273 --> 00:37:43,640 we should start thinking about forming a... 675 00:37:43,676 --> 00:37:45,405 well, um... 676 00:37:45,444 --> 00:37:46,570 A merger? 677 00:37:46,612 --> 00:37:48,978 A merger, exactly. Exactly, a merger. 678 00:37:49,015 --> 00:37:51,575 A partnership. Seriously, Diane... 679 00:37:51,617 --> 00:37:54,313 we're both intelligent, well-educated adults. 680 00:37:54,353 --> 00:37:58,653 We should be together. Incorporated, if you will. 681 00:37:58,691 --> 00:38:03,822 Look at the balance sheet. We were made for one another. 682 00:38:03,863 --> 00:38:05,228 Oh, Philip, you darling. 683 00:38:05,264 --> 00:38:07,425 I don't want to be merged or incorporated. 684 00:38:07,466 --> 00:38:11,334 I want to have fun and be romanced and be loved. 685 00:38:13,205 --> 00:38:15,298 So let's not rush into anything. 686 00:38:15,341 --> 00:38:18,174 Let's just start by having fun, OK? 687 00:38:22,114 --> 00:38:24,412 Hey, how are you? What's happening? 688 00:38:24,450 --> 00:38:25,644 Hi! 689 00:38:25,685 --> 00:38:27,585 A lot of people are talking about your dad, man. 690 00:38:27,620 --> 00:38:29,554 What's happening? 691 00:38:29,588 --> 00:38:32,386 Hey, boys, how ya doin'? 692 00:38:32,425 --> 00:38:34,757 I wonder why. 693 00:38:36,295 --> 00:38:37,956 They have lockers. 694 00:38:37,997 --> 00:38:40,124 You could've changed here. 695 00:38:40,166 --> 00:38:42,157 I don't change in front of guys. 696 00:38:42,201 --> 00:38:44,066 Next thing you know, you're showering with the fellas. 697 00:38:44,103 --> 00:38:45,502 And the next thing you know... 698 00:38:45,538 --> 00:38:47,472 you're pinned to a sophomore named Chip. 699 00:38:47,506 --> 00:38:49,064 Come on, let's go, huh? 700 00:38:49,108 --> 00:38:50,700 I'll see you later. 701 00:39:21,474 --> 00:39:23,874 That was pretty good. 702 00:39:23,909 --> 00:39:25,706 Next time, hold the pike a little longer. 703 00:39:27,913 --> 00:39:30,006 Wait a minute. I'll be right down. 704 00:39:54,006 --> 00:39:56,440 Not bad. 705 00:39:56,475 --> 00:39:58,966 All right, let's see one more. 706 00:40:00,179 --> 00:40:01,578 Like I showed you. 707 00:40:01,614 --> 00:40:02,774 All right. 708 00:40:08,747 --> 00:40:11,648 What's a guy your age doing here with these kids? 709 00:40:11,684 --> 00:40:15,313 I'm lookin' for the fountain of middle age. 710 00:40:15,354 --> 00:40:16,719 What's your story? 711 00:40:16,755 --> 00:40:19,246 I'm setting the new record for the most consecutive losses... 712 00:40:19,291 --> 00:40:22,192 by a diving coach in this conference. 713 00:40:22,228 --> 00:40:24,492 Hey, remember, hold that pike longer. 714 00:40:24,530 --> 00:40:26,828 - That your kid? - Yeah. 715 00:40:26,865 --> 00:40:29,095 Who coached him in high school? 716 00:40:29,134 --> 00:40:30,624 Yours truly. 717 00:40:30,669 --> 00:40:32,296 So, where did you learn how to dive? 718 00:40:32,338 --> 00:40:35,774 Atlantic City. The Steel Pier. I was in the water show. 719 00:40:35,808 --> 00:40:37,332 I used to open for the diving horse. 720 00:40:37,376 --> 00:40:39,276 You're kiddin'. I'm from Jersey. 721 00:40:39,311 --> 00:40:42,644 I practically spent my entire life on that pier. 722 00:40:42,681 --> 00:40:45,241 There was a guy, did the most amazing dive... 723 00:40:45,284 --> 00:40:46,945 called the Triple Lindy. 724 00:40:46,986 --> 00:40:48,681 Hardest dive I ever saw in my life. 725 00:40:48,721 --> 00:40:51,417 - Who was that guy? - Yours truly. 726 00:40:51,457 --> 00:40:52,924 You're kiddin'. 727 00:40:52,958 --> 00:40:54,721 I don't joke about dives. 728 00:40:54,760 --> 00:40:56,557 Especially that one. It almost killed me. 729 00:40:56,595 --> 00:40:59,655 Boy, you were somethin' else. 730 00:40:59,698 --> 00:41:01,723 Hey, can your kid do that dive? 731 00:41:01,767 --> 00:41:04,827 Nah, nobody can. It's too dangerous. 732 00:41:04,870 --> 00:41:07,839 You know, he tried out for the team last semester. 733 00:41:07,873 --> 00:41:09,238 He didn't do that good. 734 00:41:09,275 --> 00:41:12,267 Not that good, huh? Watch this. 735 00:41:12,311 --> 00:41:15,075 Jason, do the two and a half! 736 00:41:29,728 --> 00:41:31,855 Not bad. 737 00:41:33,565 --> 00:41:34,862 My main Melon. Come on, man... 738 00:41:34,900 --> 00:41:36,390 there's a pep rally for the football team. 739 00:41:36,435 --> 00:41:38,426 - Let's go. We're there. - Whoa, wait. What is this? 740 00:41:38,470 --> 00:41:41,735 Me and Standish and Redding are doing the anti-pep rally... 741 00:41:41,774 --> 00:41:44,572 to point out that a violent ground acquisition game... 742 00:41:44,610 --> 00:41:45,941 such as football is, in fact... 743 00:41:45,978 --> 00:41:47,775 a crypto-fascist metaphor for nuclear war. 744 00:41:47,813 --> 00:41:49,906 It sounds like a lot of laughs... 745 00:41:49,948 --> 00:41:51,279 but I'm supposed to meet my dad and study. 746 00:41:51,317 --> 00:41:52,784 He's supposed to be here already. 747 00:41:52,818 --> 00:41:54,786 OK, well... 748 00:41:54,820 --> 00:41:57,880 if you change your mind, pal, you know where I'll be. 749 00:41:57,923 --> 00:42:01,586 If I change my mind, I'll seek psychiatric help. 750 00:42:20,412 --> 00:42:21,606 Excuse me. 751 00:42:21,647 --> 00:42:25,105 What is the Oort system and what does it tell us? 752 00:42:27,152 --> 00:42:29,120 What? I'm sorry. 753 00:42:29,154 --> 00:42:32,612 Astronomy, chapter two. 754 00:42:32,658 --> 00:42:34,853 Oh, Oort, Oort. 755 00:42:34,893 --> 00:42:37,418 Oort was this scientist, and he figured out... 756 00:42:37,463 --> 00:42:41,797 that the smeared-out density of matter can be no greater... 757 00:42:41,834 --> 00:42:45,031 than the solar mass per cubic parsec. 758 00:42:45,070 --> 00:42:47,095 You look thrilled. It's not my theory. 759 00:42:48,507 --> 00:42:51,476 Thanks, that helps a lot. 760 00:42:52,478 --> 00:42:54,673 Listen, I was just wondering... 761 00:42:54,713 --> 00:42:56,305 would you do my astronomy homework... 762 00:42:56,348 --> 00:42:57,872 for the rest of the semester? 763 00:43:00,586 --> 00:43:02,747 - Here you go. - OK, right. 764 00:43:02,788 --> 00:43:04,187 Hi, Mr. Melon. 765 00:43:04,223 --> 00:43:06,783 Oh, you can call me Thornton. 766 00:43:06,825 --> 00:43:09,794 Say, how about joining me and my friend over there? 767 00:43:09,828 --> 00:43:11,819 Your friend looks a little strange. 768 00:43:11,864 --> 00:43:14,833 Who, Lou? Lou's an animal. Why, in his family... 769 00:43:14,867 --> 00:43:19,236 he's only the second generation that's standing up straight. 770 00:43:19,271 --> 00:43:20,761 What lovely girls. 771 00:43:20,806 --> 00:43:23,832 How would you like a life of luxury and deceit? 772 00:43:23,876 --> 00:43:26,208 Come on, join us in a beer. OK? 773 00:43:26,245 --> 00:43:28,179 - Yeah, OK. - OK. 774 00:43:37,856 --> 00:43:41,019 Girls, this is Lou. Lou, these are girls. 775 00:43:44,129 --> 00:43:45,790 One, two. 776 00:43:45,831 --> 00:43:48,356 One, two. 777 00:43:55,107 --> 00:43:57,268 Shake it up, baby 778 00:43:59,077 --> 00:44:01,204 Twist and shout 779 00:44:02,881 --> 00:44:04,974 Come on, come on, come on, baby 780 00:44:06,985 --> 00:44:09,215 Come and work it on out 781 00:44:11,123 --> 00:44:13,557 Work it on out, honey 782 00:44:15,461 --> 00:44:18,589 Honey, come here. I need 2 more glasses for the girls... 783 00:44:18,630 --> 00:44:20,928 and also, bring a pitcher of beer... 784 00:44:20,966 --> 00:44:22,991 every seven minutes till somebody passes out. 785 00:44:23,035 --> 00:44:24,832 And then bring one every ten minutes. 786 00:44:24,870 --> 00:44:26,269 You got it. Anyway... 787 00:44:26,305 --> 00:44:28,796 I thought we were gonna go... 788 00:44:28,841 --> 00:44:31,469 to the planetarium and look at a lot of stars. 789 00:44:31,510 --> 00:44:34,206 I had no idea this was gonna be astrophysics. 790 00:44:34,246 --> 00:44:37,010 It's not that hard. You'll get it. 791 00:44:37,049 --> 00:44:40,416 It's not hard for you, because you're smart. 792 00:44:40,452 --> 00:44:42,545 You're smart, too. 793 00:44:42,588 --> 00:44:45,022 Yeah, but you're, like, "smart" smart. 794 00:44:45,057 --> 00:44:47,025 Do you study at the library every night? 795 00:44:47,059 --> 00:44:48,617 No. I was gonna meet my dad there... 796 00:44:48,660 --> 00:44:50,025 but he must be studying at the dorm. 797 00:45:00,772 --> 00:45:02,797 Shake it up, baby 798 00:45:04,543 --> 00:45:06,340 Twist and shout 799 00:45:08,313 --> 00:45:10,508 Come on, come on, come on, baby 800 00:45:12,317 --> 00:45:14,683 Come on and work it on out 801 00:45:16,288 --> 00:45:18,188 You know you twist it, little girl 802 00:45:18,223 --> 00:45:19,918 Lower, baby, lower. 803 00:45:19,958 --> 00:45:22,518 Hey, guys, let me see some I.D. 804 00:45:22,561 --> 00:45:24,495 Not that low, baby. 805 00:45:24,530 --> 00:45:26,794 Come on and twist a little closer now 806 00:45:26,832 --> 00:45:28,595 To the left, baby, to the left. 807 00:45:28,634 --> 00:45:30,226 And let me know you're mine 808 00:45:30,269 --> 00:45:31,497 That's the spot, baby. 809 00:45:31,537 --> 00:45:34,597 Hold it, hold it! Oh, you are there! 810 00:45:34,640 --> 00:45:36,665 Shake it, baby 811 00:45:36,708 --> 00:45:40,337 Shake it, shake it, baby 812 00:45:40,379 --> 00:45:44,145 Come on and shake it, shake it, shake it, baby 813 00:45:46,218 --> 00:45:47,981 - Shake it now - Shake it 814 00:45:58,997 --> 00:46:00,396 OK, go ahead. 815 00:46:04,102 --> 00:46:06,332 Jason, what are you doing here? 816 00:46:06,371 --> 00:46:09,534 What am I doing here? What are you doing here? 817 00:46:09,575 --> 00:46:11,805 We were supposed to study, remember, in the library? 818 00:46:11,843 --> 00:46:13,743 The library. I was supposed to be there. 819 00:46:13,779 --> 00:46:16,145 Hey, what's going on? 820 00:46:16,181 --> 00:46:18,172 Chas, check it out. 821 00:46:21,286 --> 00:46:23,413 Hey, Clark. 822 00:46:23,455 --> 00:46:25,389 Interesting little rally you guys had tonight. 823 00:46:25,424 --> 00:46:28,291 Yeah, right. They got paint all over my girlfriend. 824 00:46:28,327 --> 00:46:30,261 I'm gonna kill them little pinheads. 825 00:46:30,295 --> 00:46:32,126 Yeah? Well, you came to the right place... 826 00:46:32,164 --> 00:46:34,496 because guess who's here... Derek Lutz. 827 00:46:40,606 --> 00:46:43,131 Hey, Lutz! 828 00:46:43,175 --> 00:46:44,733 You know who I am? 829 00:46:44,776 --> 00:46:46,641 Let me see... 830 00:46:46,678 --> 00:46:49,272 protruding supra-orbital ridges... 831 00:46:49,314 --> 00:46:52,909 small cranium, 1,300 C.C. Brain... 832 00:46:52,951 --> 00:46:54,145 Neanderthal man. 833 00:46:54,186 --> 00:46:57,246 You... I want you to call his mother. 834 00:46:57,289 --> 00:46:59,086 You tell her he's never coming home. 835 00:46:59,124 --> 00:47:01,718 Whoa, hold it. You sure you even got the right guy? 836 00:47:01,760 --> 00:47:03,523 Look how many people got blue hair these days. 837 00:47:03,562 --> 00:47:05,029 Shut up, meathead. 838 00:47:05,063 --> 00:47:06,394 Take it easy, will ya? 839 00:47:06,431 --> 00:47:10,162 I mean, the war's over. Get new parts for your head. 840 00:47:10,202 --> 00:47:12,898 Yeah? Want to make something of it? 841 00:47:12,938 --> 00:47:16,237 Oh, no. I never get physical. I just get upset... 842 00:47:16,274 --> 00:47:20,210 and when I get upset, he gets physical. 843 00:47:27,619 --> 00:47:29,143 You got a problem? 844 00:47:29,187 --> 00:47:31,212 No, I haven't got a problem. 845 00:47:31,256 --> 00:47:33,622 Now you do. 846 00:47:44,202 --> 00:47:45,601 Get him! 847 00:47:57,315 --> 00:47:58,509 Lou, where you been? 848 00:47:58,550 --> 00:48:00,415 I'm getting my ass kicked all over the place! 849 00:48:26,278 --> 00:48:29,042 - Well, you look terrible. - No, I'm all right. 850 00:48:29,081 --> 00:48:32,847 It's Lou I'm worried about. He may lose his trigger finger. 851 00:48:32,884 --> 00:48:34,146 It serves you guys right. 852 00:48:34,186 --> 00:48:36,245 Why did you have to take on the whole football team? 853 00:48:36,288 --> 00:48:37,448 They're not that tough. 854 00:48:37,489 --> 00:48:39,821 The football team at my high school was tough. 855 00:48:39,858 --> 00:48:41,485 After they sacked the quarterback... 856 00:48:41,526 --> 00:48:43,391 they went after his family. 857 00:48:45,764 --> 00:48:47,959 This morning we're going to look at "The Great Gatsby"... 858 00:48:47,999 --> 00:48:50,160 by F. Scott Fitzgerald. 859 00:48:50,202 --> 00:48:53,603 Mr. Melon, how would you characterize "The Great Gatsby?" 860 00:48:53,638 --> 00:48:55,572 Who, him? 861 00:48:55,607 --> 00:48:57,040 No, you. 862 00:48:57,075 --> 00:48:58,474 Me. 863 00:48:58,510 --> 00:49:01,570 Well, "The Great Gatsby," he was... 864 00:49:01,613 --> 00:49:03,808 great. 865 00:49:06,952 --> 00:49:08,544 See me after class, Mr. Melon. 866 00:49:12,557 --> 00:49:14,422 I mean, please, try to understand. 867 00:49:14,459 --> 00:49:16,017 I don't have the background for this. 868 00:49:16,061 --> 00:49:17,323 The high school I went to... 869 00:49:17,362 --> 00:49:19,023 they asked a kid to prove the law of gravity. 870 00:49:19,064 --> 00:49:21,362 He threw the teacher out the window. 871 00:49:21,399 --> 00:49:26,598 I know what I need. I need a tutor. 872 00:49:26,638 --> 00:49:29,106 What do you say? Come on. 873 00:49:29,141 --> 00:49:31,701 You got some spare time. 874 00:49:31,743 --> 00:49:33,074 All right, Mr. Melon. 875 00:49:33,111 --> 00:49:34,874 I have some spare time this evening. 876 00:49:34,913 --> 00:49:37,074 Why don't you come around about 7:00? 877 00:49:37,115 --> 00:49:39,709 - Great. - I'll give you my address. 878 00:49:40,886 --> 00:49:43,252 - Thanks. - Please be on time. 879 00:49:43,288 --> 00:49:45,722 I'll be on time. 880 00:49:47,526 --> 00:49:49,460 What penmanship. 881 00:49:50,896 --> 00:49:54,593 "Everywhere the ceremony of innocence is drowned; 882 00:49:54,633 --> 00:49:56,294 "The best lack all conviction... 883 00:49:56,334 --> 00:49:59,599 "while the worst are full of passionate intensity." 884 00:49:59,638 --> 00:50:01,230 There's a lot of other stuff here. 885 00:50:01,273 --> 00:50:05,471 Yeats goes on and on... and here's the finish. 886 00:50:05,510 --> 00:50:08,673 "What rough beast, its hour come round at last... 887 00:50:08,713 --> 00:50:11,614 "slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?" 888 00:50:11,650 --> 00:50:13,277 What does that make you think of? 889 00:50:13,318 --> 00:50:16,310 Rough beast. My ex-wife. 890 00:50:16,354 --> 00:50:17,685 Well, that's one interpretation. 891 00:50:17,722 --> 00:50:19,713 Not the right one, but it's a start. 892 00:50:19,758 --> 00:50:22,090 Surely a man of your age and experience... 893 00:50:22,127 --> 00:50:23,788 must have read some of the things on my list. 894 00:50:23,829 --> 00:50:26,457 - What about "Macbeth"? - I saw the movie. 895 00:50:26,498 --> 00:50:29,592 Orson Welles. Great actor, big actor. 896 00:50:29,634 --> 00:50:32,102 He was a Tall and Fat customer for years. 897 00:50:32,137 --> 00:50:33,399 How about "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof"? 898 00:50:33,438 --> 00:50:35,372 I saw the movie. Burl lves. 899 00:50:35,407 --> 00:50:38,934 Great actor, extra stout. He was a customer, too. 900 00:50:38,977 --> 00:50:41,639 - "Streetcar Named Desire." - Great movie. Marlon Brando. 901 00:50:41,680 --> 00:50:45,241 He wasn't that big then, but he ballooned up nicely. 902 00:50:45,283 --> 00:50:47,945 I'd say pound for pound, our finest American actor. 903 00:50:47,986 --> 00:50:49,954 Don't you ever read? 904 00:50:49,988 --> 00:50:53,549 Who has time? I see the movie. I'm in and out in two hours. 905 00:50:53,592 --> 00:50:54,991 Oh, Thornton, don't you see? 906 00:50:55,026 --> 00:50:56,823 The reason you want to read these works... 907 00:50:56,862 --> 00:50:58,796 is so you can experience them for yourself... 908 00:50:58,830 --> 00:51:01,628 so you can share the thoughts and feelings of the writer... 909 00:51:01,666 --> 00:51:04,157 without the interference of your actor and director... 910 00:51:04,202 --> 00:51:06,033 and professor's point of view getting in the way... 911 00:51:06,071 --> 00:51:08,869 to truly share and understand... 912 00:51:08,907 --> 00:51:10,807 the common feelings of all mankind... 913 00:51:10,842 --> 00:51:13,140 the feelings of being alive. 914 00:51:14,746 --> 00:51:16,805 That was beautiful. 915 00:51:16,848 --> 00:51:18,816 I understand what you're saying, too. 916 00:51:18,850 --> 00:51:20,647 I'm glad. That makes me feel good. 917 00:51:20,685 --> 00:51:22,983 I got an idea. 918 00:51:23,021 --> 00:51:26,184 Let's keep talking over dinner. 919 00:51:26,224 --> 00:51:28,317 I'm supposed to meet someone for dinner. 920 00:51:29,527 --> 00:51:31,995 I could cancel, though, I guess. 921 00:51:32,030 --> 00:51:33,361 We are working, after all. 922 00:51:33,398 --> 00:51:35,229 You can't work on an empty stomach. 923 00:51:35,267 --> 00:51:38,259 You can't concentrate when you're hungry. 924 00:51:38,303 --> 00:51:40,271 Oh, I don't know. I really shouldn't. 925 00:51:40,305 --> 00:51:43,172 - I have so many things to do. - Oh, come on. I'll help you. 926 00:51:43,208 --> 00:51:45,233 I'll take out the garbage. I'll do the dishes. 927 00:51:45,277 --> 00:51:47,108 I'll do your nails. I'll do your hair. 928 00:51:47,145 --> 00:51:48,908 You have no idea what I want to do. 929 00:51:48,947 --> 00:51:50,915 - I'll call him. - I'll dial it! 930 00:51:50,949 --> 00:51:53,611 I'll just get the light. 931 00:51:53,652 --> 00:51:56,587 I think I'm attracted to teachers. 932 00:51:56,621 --> 00:51:59,181 I took out an English teacher. That didn't work out at all. 933 00:51:59,224 --> 00:52:01,749 I sent her a love letter. She corrected it. 934 00:52:04,195 --> 00:52:06,322 Oh, great. Company. 935 00:52:10,568 --> 00:52:13,696 - Those two ought to get a room. - Really. 936 00:52:13,738 --> 00:52:15,205 Actually, I was married twice. 937 00:52:15,240 --> 00:52:18,903 My first wife, Jason's mother, I really loved her. 938 00:52:18,944 --> 00:52:21,276 We had a good thing going, you know? 939 00:52:21,313 --> 00:52:23,508 She passed away about ten years ago. 940 00:52:23,548 --> 00:52:26,176 After that, I screwed around for a few years. 941 00:52:26,217 --> 00:52:29,516 Then I really went nuts... I married Vanessa. 942 00:52:29,554 --> 00:52:31,579 I was just lonely, I guess. 943 00:52:31,623 --> 00:52:32,885 Is that over now? 944 00:52:32,924 --> 00:52:34,619 We were doomed from the start. 945 00:52:34,659 --> 00:52:36,627 I'm an earth sign, she's a water sign. 946 00:52:36,661 --> 00:52:37,889 Together, we made mud. 947 00:52:37,929 --> 00:52:41,421 I picked a beauty. And she played around, too. 948 00:52:41,466 --> 00:52:44,128 When she said, "I do," I should have said, "With who?" 949 00:52:44,169 --> 00:52:46,569 So, are you giving up on women? 950 00:52:46,604 --> 00:52:48,902 I don't know. I can't figure women out. 951 00:52:48,940 --> 00:52:50,237 Today, they're independent. 952 00:52:50,275 --> 00:52:52,140 They only think about themselves. 953 00:52:52,177 --> 00:52:55,374 During sex, Vanessa used to scream out her own name. 954 00:52:57,449 --> 00:52:58,916 I think it's the men who are different. 955 00:52:58,950 --> 00:53:00,212 Ever since the women's movement... 956 00:53:00,251 --> 00:53:01,843 most of the men I meet go out of their way... 957 00:53:01,886 --> 00:53:03,615 to show you how sensitive they are. 958 00:53:03,655 --> 00:53:07,648 Before they were too macho, and now they're too soft. 959 00:53:07,692 --> 00:53:09,660 You all want us to know you can cry. 960 00:53:09,694 --> 00:53:12,720 No, with women, I never cry. Never. 961 00:53:12,764 --> 00:53:14,254 I beg. 962 00:53:18,169 --> 00:53:20,137 If we finish this bottle of wine... 963 00:53:20,171 --> 00:53:22,469 you won't have to beg. 964 00:53:39,457 --> 00:53:40,617 Diane! 965 00:53:42,527 --> 00:53:43,994 Oh, Philip. 966 00:53:44,029 --> 00:53:45,963 We were supposed to go to dinner. 967 00:53:45,997 --> 00:53:47,760 I just had dinner! 968 00:53:47,799 --> 00:53:49,289 I don't believe this. 969 00:53:49,334 --> 00:53:53,464 Maybe it's a dream. Good night, Philip. 970 00:53:54,539 --> 00:53:56,336 You do a good job. 971 00:53:56,374 --> 00:53:59,343 What do you charge for big cars? 972 00:54:10,221 --> 00:54:13,520 I had a lot of fun, Thornton. 973 00:54:13,558 --> 00:54:16,686 Me, too. And thanks for the lesson. 974 00:54:16,728 --> 00:54:18,195 I learned a lot. 975 00:54:18,229 --> 00:54:20,857 You're welcome. I did, too. 976 00:54:22,734 --> 00:54:23,962 Well... 977 00:54:25,103 --> 00:54:28,561 Well, I guess this is good night. 978 00:54:28,606 --> 00:54:29,937 Yeah. 979 00:54:31,943 --> 00:54:34,070 A very good night. 980 00:54:40,852 --> 00:54:42,183 Beautiful. 981 00:54:44,089 --> 00:54:45,386 Oh, that's it. 982 00:54:45,423 --> 00:54:47,789 That's the spot. Just keep doing that. 983 00:54:47,826 --> 00:54:50,795 Oh, don't lose it. 984 00:54:50,829 --> 00:54:53,024 Oh, Lou, you're great. 985 00:54:53,064 --> 00:54:55,965 The leg is better. You got the cramp out. 986 00:54:56,000 --> 00:54:59,401 You're a wreck. You gotta start working out. 987 00:54:59,437 --> 00:55:01,200 And you know what else? 988 00:55:01,239 --> 00:55:04,106 You have got midterms coming up. 989 00:55:04,142 --> 00:55:06,770 You haven't studied five minutes since you got here. 990 00:55:06,811 --> 00:55:07,971 You're always so neat. 991 00:55:08,012 --> 00:55:09,912 You're just like your Uncle Vito. 992 00:55:09,948 --> 00:55:12,542 We were kids, his room was always in order. 993 00:55:12,584 --> 00:55:13,744 His towels lined up neatly... 994 00:55:13,785 --> 00:55:15,946 combs, brushes, hair lotions all in the right place. 995 00:55:15,987 --> 00:55:17,955 What did it mean? What is he today? 996 00:55:17,989 --> 00:55:19,547 He's an attendant in the men's room. 997 00:55:19,591 --> 00:55:21,991 Hey, he's my idol. 998 00:55:22,026 --> 00:55:27,259 But I'm not gonna be folding towels anymore... 999 00:55:27,298 --> 00:55:30,461 'cause I just made... ta da... the diving team. 1000 00:55:30,502 --> 00:55:33,130 That's great! 1001 00:55:33,171 --> 00:55:34,331 I'm takin' you out. 1002 00:55:34,372 --> 00:55:36,067 We'll celebrate. We're havin' a party! 1003 00:55:36,107 --> 00:55:38,701 Oh, no, Dad, that's really nice, but I'm in training now. 1004 00:55:38,743 --> 00:55:41,211 We got a big meet coming up against Northern. 1005 00:55:41,246 --> 00:55:43,305 We'll have a party after the meet. 1006 00:55:43,348 --> 00:55:47,284 Dad, why don't you join me on a little reality break, OK? 1007 00:55:47,318 --> 00:55:49,684 Just 'cause you're in love with Dr. Turner... 1008 00:55:49,721 --> 00:55:52,485 does not mean you're gonna pass her course. 1009 00:55:52,524 --> 00:55:55,118 You got a major paper coming up on Kurt Vonnegut. 1010 00:55:55,160 --> 00:55:56,957 You haven't even read any of the books. 1011 00:55:56,995 --> 00:55:58,656 I tried. 1012 00:55:58,696 --> 00:56:01,859 I don't understand a word of it. 1013 00:56:02,867 --> 00:56:05,859 So, how you gonna write the paper, then? 1014 00:56:09,874 --> 00:56:13,139 Hi, I'm Kurt Vonnegut. I'm looking for Thornton Melon. 1015 00:56:15,847 --> 00:56:18,475 Want to come in? Dad? 1016 00:56:21,519 --> 00:56:24,317 I don't want to hear one more word out of you... 1017 00:56:24,355 --> 00:56:26,323 or it's back to the tree. 1018 00:56:26,357 --> 00:56:28,689 Come in. 1019 00:56:28,726 --> 00:56:31,718 Excuse me. Dr. Barazini? 1020 00:56:31,763 --> 00:56:33,128 I'm Thornton Melon. 1021 00:56:33,164 --> 00:56:36,691 Oh, yes, Thornton Melon. I know you. 1022 00:56:36,734 --> 00:56:40,329 You delivered the paper on isomagnetic brain waves... 1023 00:56:40,371 --> 00:56:41,929 in Montreal last year. 1024 00:56:41,973 --> 00:56:44,533 No, I sold you your pants. 1025 00:56:44,576 --> 00:56:46,635 Oh, of course. Good to see you. 1026 00:56:46,678 --> 00:56:48,202 What are you doing here? 1027 00:56:48,246 --> 00:56:50,612 I'm supposed to report here for my lab project. 1028 00:56:50,648 --> 00:56:53,481 Oh, good. I'm trying to teach these here apes... 1029 00:56:53,518 --> 00:56:55,349 how to read and write. 1030 00:56:55,386 --> 00:56:58,184 You ought to teach them how to go to the bathroom. 1031 00:56:58,223 --> 00:57:00,282 You'll get used to that. 1032 00:57:00,325 --> 00:57:05,092 Now, all you have to do is put a new tape... 1033 00:57:05,129 --> 00:57:08,758 in the tape machine every hour and observe the animals. 1034 00:57:08,800 --> 00:57:10,961 I'll be back in a few hours to check on you. 1035 00:57:11,002 --> 00:57:13,562 - OK, fine. - All righty. 1036 00:57:15,406 --> 00:57:18,739 You don't need this. I'll find you an organ grinder. 1037 00:57:28,686 --> 00:57:30,847 Hiya, Marge? A few things. 1038 00:57:30,888 --> 00:57:33,550 I need you and the gang to get down here as fast as you can. 1039 00:57:33,591 --> 00:57:35,218 And I have to talk to Peterson, the accountant. 1040 00:57:35,260 --> 00:57:36,625 I'm gonna need him, too. 1041 00:57:36,661 --> 00:57:39,960 Oh, thanks. And, Marge, I need... 1042 00:57:42,900 --> 00:57:45,198 See if you can get somebody at the Rand Corporation... 1043 00:57:45,236 --> 00:57:48,103 or the Brookings Institute to come down here for about a week. 1044 00:57:50,675 --> 00:57:51,869 What? 1045 00:57:53,745 --> 00:57:56,737 And Russell hits him with a powerful front body slam! 1046 00:58:01,719 --> 00:58:03,016 No problem. 1047 00:58:03,054 --> 00:58:05,454 They're takin' a break, that's all. 1048 00:58:06,958 --> 00:58:11,190 In 1971, the United States accumulated deficits... 1049 00:58:11,229 --> 00:58:14,164 greater than the supply of gold the country held. 1050 00:58:14,198 --> 00:58:16,894 In that year, Richard Nixon... 1051 00:58:16,934 --> 00:58:19,869 took the United States off the gold standard. 1052 00:58:19,904 --> 00:58:22,236 In doing so, he disrupted... 1053 00:58:24,942 --> 00:58:27,877 the entire international monetary system. 1054 00:58:27,912 --> 00:58:30,642 What is that clicking noise? 1055 00:58:35,753 --> 00:58:37,812 Are you a student in this class? 1056 00:58:39,657 --> 00:58:41,056 No. 1057 00:58:41,092 --> 00:58:43,617 Who are you? 1058 00:58:43,661 --> 00:58:46,926 I'm Marge Sweetwater... 1059 00:58:46,964 --> 00:58:49,262 Mr. Thornton Melon's private secretary. 1060 00:58:56,307 --> 00:58:59,299 What are you doing here? 1061 00:58:59,344 --> 00:59:02,745 I'm taking notes for Mr. Melon. 1062 00:59:06,484 --> 00:59:10,716 He told you to write down everything I say? 1063 00:59:10,755 --> 00:59:13,485 Yes, he did. 1064 00:59:13,524 --> 00:59:14,957 Good. 1065 00:59:17,395 --> 00:59:19,693 Take this down. 1066 00:59:22,433 --> 00:59:25,800 Mr. Melon, no matter what you do... 1067 00:59:27,372 --> 00:59:30,239 no matter what stunts you pull... 1068 00:59:30,274 --> 00:59:33,402 no matter how hard you try... 1069 00:59:33,444 --> 00:59:37,904 you will never, ever pass this course. 1070 00:59:40,852 --> 00:59:43,320 Make sure he gets that. 1071 00:59:46,391 --> 00:59:48,359 Yes, sir. 1072 00:59:48,393 --> 00:59:49,553 I'll tell you what. 1073 00:59:49,594 --> 00:59:51,824 It's for Barbay. Make it an "A." 1074 00:59:51,863 --> 00:59:54,024 Where's the lab report on psychology? 1075 00:59:54,065 --> 00:59:55,396 Here. 1076 00:59:57,402 --> 01:00:00,565 It's too light. It feels like a "C." 1077 01:00:00,605 --> 01:00:03,870 Bulk it up and add a few multicolored graphs. 1078 01:00:03,908 --> 01:00:06,536 - Yo, Dad. - Jason, hold it, will ya? 1079 01:00:06,577 --> 01:00:09,273 Listen, everybody. Let's see "As" across the board. 1080 01:00:09,313 --> 01:00:10,473 I'll tell you what... 1081 01:00:10,515 --> 01:00:12,915 a ten percent bonus for every grade over "B." 1082 01:00:12,950 --> 01:00:17,512 And an A+ gets you a free trip to Hawaii... off-season. 1083 01:00:19,056 --> 01:00:22,890 - Dad, what's going on here? - I'm doing my homework. 1084 01:00:22,927 --> 01:00:25,122 No, they're doing your homework. 1085 01:00:25,163 --> 01:00:28,098 A good executive knows how to delegate authority. 1086 01:00:28,132 --> 01:00:30,726 I took care of you, too. 1087 01:00:30,768 --> 01:00:34,534 - And what's this? - Your astronomy report. 1088 01:00:34,572 --> 01:00:37,063 - What's wrong with you? - What's wrong with you? 1089 01:00:37,108 --> 01:00:39,474 I want to write that paper. I'm gonna write that paper. 1090 01:00:39,510 --> 01:00:42,001 That's why I'm taking astronomy, to learn something! 1091 01:00:42,046 --> 01:00:44,014 You're never gonna learn a goddamn thing... 1092 01:00:44,048 --> 01:00:46,073 if you got people doing your work for you! 1093 01:00:46,117 --> 01:00:48,017 Oh, never mind. 1094 01:00:49,420 --> 01:00:54,050 Kids... they always do things the hard way. 1095 01:00:54,091 --> 01:00:57,959 Ladies and gentlemen, the visiting team... 1096 01:00:57,995 --> 01:01:01,294 the Northern University Wildcats! 1097 01:01:02,767 --> 01:01:07,261 And your Grand Lakes University Hooters! 1098 01:01:07,305 --> 01:01:10,069 - Hey, there's your boy! - Jason! 1099 01:01:14,145 --> 01:01:17,273 While the teams are warming up, we'd like to remind you... 1100 01:01:17,315 --> 01:01:19,374 that all proceeds from the refreshment stands... 1101 01:01:19,417 --> 01:01:21,112 go to your student government. 1102 01:01:21,152 --> 01:01:24,121 Hey, Valerie. How you doin'? 1103 01:01:24,155 --> 01:01:26,248 Glad you could come. Listen. 1104 01:01:26,290 --> 01:01:29,225 My dad is having a party tonight at the dorm... 1105 01:01:29,260 --> 01:01:32,161 and it should be pretty great. His parties usually are. 1106 01:01:32,196 --> 01:01:36,895 I'd love to come, except for I have a date. 1107 01:01:36,934 --> 01:01:40,392 Oh. Well, hey, bring him along. 1108 01:01:40,438 --> 01:01:42,929 It's OK. You just both come by. 1109 01:01:42,974 --> 01:01:44,839 I'll really try. 1110 01:01:44,876 --> 01:01:46,844 Good. I hope I'll see you there. 1111 01:01:46,878 --> 01:01:49,972 It sounds like fun. I wish my dad were more like yours. 1112 01:02:00,658 --> 01:02:03,286 Hey, Chas. 1113 01:02:03,327 --> 01:02:05,090 Good luck, buddy. Let's get them. 1114 01:02:05,129 --> 01:02:08,724 Yeah. Thanks, Melon. I'd wish you luck, too... 1115 01:02:08,766 --> 01:02:10,791 but I guess a guy like you doesn't need luck. 1116 01:02:11,802 --> 01:02:13,793 What's that supposed to mean? 1117 01:02:13,838 --> 01:02:15,897 With your old man behind you... 1118 01:02:15,940 --> 01:02:18,465 I figured since he bought your way onto the team... 1119 01:02:18,509 --> 01:02:20,977 he probably bought off the judges, too. 1120 01:02:25,049 --> 01:02:27,677 Oh, there's Thornton. 1121 01:02:27,718 --> 01:02:29,811 Diane! 1122 01:02:31,422 --> 01:02:34,880 I can't imagine what you can possibly see in that man. 1123 01:02:34,926 --> 01:02:38,157 Philip, would you excuse me for a minute? 1124 01:02:42,033 --> 01:02:44,058 Yes, yes. 1125 01:02:44,101 --> 01:02:46,126 - You look great. - Oh, thanks. 1126 01:02:46,170 --> 01:02:47,967 Where you been? I called you a hundred times. 1127 01:02:48,005 --> 01:02:49,973 I made four dates with your answering machine. 1128 01:02:50,007 --> 01:02:51,998 I'm sorry I missed you. Things have been so hectic. 1129 01:02:52,043 --> 01:02:54,876 I've been reading midterm papers and grading exams. 1130 01:02:54,912 --> 01:02:56,140 Did you read mine yet? 1131 01:02:56,180 --> 01:02:58,045 Not yet, but I'm looking forward to it. 1132 01:02:58,082 --> 01:02:59,947 I'm throwing a party in our room tonight... 1133 01:02:59,984 --> 01:03:01,474 and you better be there. 1134 01:03:01,519 --> 01:03:04,511 I'm sorry. I have a date with Philip tonight. 1135 01:03:04,555 --> 01:03:08,218 Bring him along. We may run out of ice. 1136 01:03:10,928 --> 01:03:15,024 First diver for Grand Lakes University... 1137 01:03:15,066 --> 01:03:17,330 Chas Osbourne. 1138 01:03:40,491 --> 01:03:44,120 Hey, Coach! How are ya? How you doin', huh? 1139 01:03:48,766 --> 01:03:53,999 Next diver for Grand Lakes... Jason Melon. 1140 01:03:54,038 --> 01:03:56,336 Melon. 1141 01:04:41,585 --> 01:04:42,677 What's going on? 1142 01:04:42,720 --> 01:04:44,449 This is always the best party of the year. 1143 01:04:44,488 --> 01:04:47,116 I don't know. Some big event at the dorms. 1144 01:04:47,158 --> 01:04:50,719 - We're thinkin' of going over. - To Melon's? Are you nuts? 1145 01:04:50,761 --> 01:04:52,228 Why don't we go? 1146 01:04:52,263 --> 01:04:54,094 Valerie, please. It'll be horrible. 1147 01:04:54,131 --> 01:04:56,827 Jason said it would be great. It might be fun. 1148 01:04:56,867 --> 01:05:00,166 Jason's a twerp. We could have won if it weren't for him. 1149 01:05:00,204 --> 01:05:02,866 Haven't you ever messed up? 1150 01:05:02,907 --> 01:05:04,101 No. 1151 01:05:09,113 --> 01:05:13,743 I'm all dressed up with nowhere to go 1152 01:05:13,784 --> 01:05:15,513 Hey, baby! 1153 01:05:15,553 --> 01:05:18,784 Walking with a dead man over my shoulder 1154 01:05:21,559 --> 01:05:24,357 I'm all dressed up with nowhere to go 1155 01:05:26,697 --> 01:05:28,961 I love three girls at once. 1156 01:05:28,999 --> 01:05:32,059 If I fall asleep, they have each other to talk to. 1157 01:05:39,744 --> 01:05:42,042 Nice look. What are you going for? 1158 01:05:42,079 --> 01:05:44,445 The heavy, disassociated artist thing... 1159 01:05:44,482 --> 01:05:48,248 or the "I'm going blind" thing? 1160 01:05:48,285 --> 01:05:52,221 Oh, It's the deaf thing. Maybe this will cheer you up. 1161 01:05:52,256 --> 01:05:54,656 Oh, do me! 1162 01:05:54,692 --> 01:05:56,353 Derek! Get up, will ya? 1163 01:05:56,393 --> 01:05:59,556 You look like the poster boy for birth control. 1164 01:06:03,267 --> 01:06:05,735 Jason, it's a party. What's your story? 1165 01:06:05,770 --> 01:06:07,738 What's the matter? The swim meet? 1166 01:06:07,772 --> 01:06:11,731 Forget about it. It's history. 1167 01:06:11,776 --> 01:06:14,142 Come on, will ya? Snap into it! 1168 01:06:14,178 --> 01:06:16,510 You're right, Dad. It doesn't matter, Dad! 1169 01:06:16,547 --> 01:06:18,640 Right, Dad? Come on, party, right? 1170 01:06:26,123 --> 01:06:28,318 Hey, buddy! 1171 01:06:28,359 --> 01:06:30,691 Everybody, make some noise, have some fun! 1172 01:06:37,067 --> 01:06:38,864 What's that noise? 1173 01:06:38,903 --> 01:06:40,962 It's a party, Philip. Midterms, remember? 1174 01:06:41,005 --> 01:06:43,496 They're just blowing off steam. 1175 01:06:43,541 --> 01:06:44,769 You there. 1176 01:06:47,144 --> 01:06:48,441 What's going on here? 1177 01:06:48,479 --> 01:06:52,677 The Melon man is throwing the greatest party of all time! 1178 01:06:52,716 --> 01:06:55,810 The whole world is there. It's the best thing... 1179 01:06:55,853 --> 01:06:58,151 that's ever happened to me in my whole life! 1180 01:06:58,189 --> 01:07:00,487 Oh, God. 1181 01:07:04,862 --> 01:07:06,921 Look at that! 1182 01:07:06,964 --> 01:07:08,124 Listen to that racket. 1183 01:07:08,165 --> 01:07:10,429 This is disgraceful. I should phone security. 1184 01:07:10,467 --> 01:07:12,128 Oh, Philip. 1185 01:07:17,041 --> 01:07:20,238 Good. Apparently I'm not the only one around here... 1186 01:07:20,277 --> 01:07:21,835 with a sense of decency. 1187 01:07:28,118 --> 01:07:29,915 Yeah. Cool! 1188 01:07:33,757 --> 01:07:36,191 Did you see... where are you going? 1189 01:07:36,227 --> 01:07:38,195 Intellectual curiosity, Philip. 1190 01:07:38,229 --> 01:07:39,594 Sounds fun in there. Come with me. 1191 01:07:39,630 --> 01:07:42,531 - Oh, please! - Oh, Philip! 1192 01:07:46,403 --> 01:07:48,963 It's a dead man's party 1193 01:07:49,006 --> 01:07:51,167 Who could ask for more 1194 01:07:52,243 --> 01:07:54,177 Everybody's coming 1195 01:07:54,211 --> 01:07:57,112 Leave your body at the door 1196 01:07:57,147 --> 01:08:00,947 Leave your body and soul at the door 1197 01:08:01,952 --> 01:08:04,477 Don't run away 1198 01:08:04,521 --> 01:08:07,285 It's only me 1199 01:08:14,198 --> 01:08:16,359 Don't run away 1200 01:08:16,400 --> 01:08:19,699 It's only me, only me 1201 01:08:19,737 --> 01:08:23,002 Don't be afraid 1202 01:08:23,040 --> 01:08:27,500 Of what you can't see 1203 01:08:27,544 --> 01:08:29,705 Say when. 1204 01:08:29,747 --> 01:08:32,341 Right after this drink. 1205 01:08:32,383 --> 01:08:34,749 Hey, what's a bath without Bubbles? 1206 01:08:34,785 --> 01:08:37,447 Hey, Bubbles, come over here, will ya? 1207 01:08:39,757 --> 01:08:42,351 Well! 1208 01:08:42,393 --> 01:08:44,623 - Hi there. - Hi! 1209 01:08:44,662 --> 01:08:46,823 - What's your favorite subject? - Poetry. 1210 01:08:46,864 --> 01:08:50,857 Really? Maybe you can help me straighten out my Longfellow. 1211 01:08:54,605 --> 01:08:56,664 Excuse me. Have you seen Thornton Melon? 1212 01:08:56,707 --> 01:08:58,470 I think he's in there. 1213 01:08:58,509 --> 01:08:59,669 Thanks. 1214 01:09:06,150 --> 01:09:09,017 Excuse me. Has anyone seen Thornton Melon? 1215 01:09:10,187 --> 01:09:12,781 That's what I call marine biology. 1216 01:09:12,823 --> 01:09:14,222 Diane! 1217 01:09:15,926 --> 01:09:18,087 Say hello to my nieces. 1218 01:09:19,663 --> 01:09:21,062 Wait a minute! 1219 01:09:25,736 --> 01:09:30,173 Jason? There you are. I was looking all over for you. 1220 01:09:30,207 --> 01:09:34,268 Jason, are you OK? I'm sorry about the swim meet. 1221 01:09:34,311 --> 01:09:37,508 Shit. Swim meet. 1222 01:09:37,548 --> 01:09:40,278 Jesus, you think I care about the swim meet? 1223 01:09:40,317 --> 01:09:42,182 I mean, it's just a stupid college game. 1224 01:09:42,219 --> 01:09:43,550 It's just bullshit. 1225 01:09:43,587 --> 01:09:45,521 Why are you acting like this? 1226 01:09:45,556 --> 01:09:47,547 I know you don't think like that. 1227 01:09:47,591 --> 01:09:49,957 Oh, you do? 1228 01:09:49,994 --> 01:09:53,054 Grow up, Valerie. You think this is real? 1229 01:09:53,097 --> 01:09:56,191 This isn't real. College is a dream world. 1230 01:09:56,233 --> 01:09:57,962 This is something you do to pass the time... 1231 01:09:58,002 --> 01:10:00,527 till you go out in the real world and start buying people. 1232 01:10:00,571 --> 01:10:03,233 Let's go for a walk and talk this out. 1233 01:10:03,273 --> 01:10:05,366 There you are. 1234 01:10:05,409 --> 01:10:07,400 Can we go? I'm bored. 1235 01:10:07,444 --> 01:10:08,672 Oh, Christ, Osbourne... 1236 01:10:08,712 --> 01:10:10,907 will you just get your ass outta here? 1237 01:10:10,948 --> 01:10:12,973 What a surprise. Another shit-faced Melon. 1238 01:10:13,017 --> 01:10:15,178 Do I gotta knock your teeth down your throat? 1239 01:10:15,219 --> 01:10:18,120 Easy. Your father isn't here to back you up this time. 1240 01:10:20,124 --> 01:10:21,591 Don't! 1241 01:10:25,963 --> 01:10:27,260 Are you OK? 1242 01:10:27,297 --> 01:10:30,994 Jason! I was lookin' for ya. 1243 01:10:31,035 --> 01:10:34,004 Hey, come here. Where ya goin'? 1244 01:10:34,038 --> 01:10:36,506 Where am I going? 1245 01:10:36,540 --> 01:10:39,236 I'm leaving school, Dad. One of us has gotta go. 1246 01:10:39,276 --> 01:10:41,471 You're having such a great time. I'm getting out. 1247 01:10:41,512 --> 01:10:42,979 Why? I don't get it. 1248 01:10:43,013 --> 01:10:44,708 Because you didn't win the diving meet? 1249 01:10:44,748 --> 01:10:46,511 No, not because I didn't win! 1250 01:10:46,550 --> 01:10:48,245 Because I shouldn't even have been there. 1251 01:10:48,285 --> 01:10:49,775 Chas told me you bribed the coach... 1252 01:10:49,820 --> 01:10:51,287 to put me on the team. Real good! 1253 01:10:51,321 --> 01:10:54,552 What? And you believed him. I never lied to you in my life. 1254 01:10:54,591 --> 01:10:55,853 I didn't bribe the coach. 1255 01:10:55,893 --> 01:10:57,622 You were on the team because you deserve it. 1256 01:10:57,661 --> 01:10:59,390 You made it on your own. 1257 01:10:59,430 --> 01:11:01,227 Dad, you don't get it. 1258 01:11:01,265 --> 01:11:02,823 Everything I have is because of you... 1259 01:11:02,866 --> 01:11:04,026 and because of you... 1260 01:11:04,068 --> 01:11:07,765 I get my astronomy homework done for me by NASA. 1261 01:11:07,805 --> 01:11:10,831 I just want the best for you. That's all I ever wanted. 1262 01:11:13,410 --> 01:11:15,071 I did it all for you. 1263 01:11:16,547 --> 01:11:19,072 I know, but you don't know when to quit. 1264 01:11:19,116 --> 01:11:22,984 I know you came here to help me, and I really appreciate it... 1265 01:11:23,020 --> 01:11:25,818 and it's really sweet, and it's really not working. 1266 01:11:25,856 --> 01:11:27,721 Can't you let me just do something for myself? 1267 01:11:27,758 --> 01:11:29,851 I just want to see you happy. 1268 01:11:29,893 --> 01:11:32,521 Well, take a good look! 1269 01:11:32,563 --> 01:11:36,192 'Cause I was a lot happier when I was miserable. 1270 01:11:47,811 --> 01:11:49,574 I enjoyed reading that, Susan. 1271 01:11:49,613 --> 01:11:50,910 It's a nice improvement. Thank you. 1272 01:11:50,948 --> 01:11:53,473 Diane, why'd you fail me? 1273 01:11:53,517 --> 01:11:56,008 I didn't, Thornton. You failed me. 1274 01:11:56,053 --> 01:11:59,511 - Is it because of last night? - No. I can accept the fact... 1275 01:11:59,556 --> 01:12:01,524 that you're completely regressed emotionally... 1276 01:12:01,558 --> 01:12:04,527 but you won't pass my course by turning in someone else's work. 1277 01:12:04,561 --> 01:12:07,291 What do you think, someone else wrote this? 1278 01:12:07,331 --> 01:12:09,765 All I know is that you didn't. That's what disappoints me. 1279 01:12:09,800 --> 01:12:11,859 Whoever did write it... 1280 01:12:11,902 --> 01:12:14,530 doesn't know the first thing about Kurt Vonnegut. 1281 01:12:14,571 --> 01:12:15,833 And another thing, Vonnegut. 1282 01:12:15,873 --> 01:12:18,273 I'm going to stop payment on the check. 1283 01:12:18,308 --> 01:12:20,776 What's that? Fuck me? 1284 01:12:20,811 --> 01:12:24,440 Kurt, do you read lips? Fuck you! 1285 01:12:24,481 --> 01:12:26,472 Next time I'll call Robert Ludlum. 1286 01:12:30,454 --> 01:12:32,388 Derek, have you seen Jason? 1287 01:12:32,422 --> 01:12:35,391 I think he's on a three-state killing spree. 1288 01:12:35,425 --> 01:12:37,222 Here's some more potentially bad news. 1289 01:12:37,261 --> 01:12:40,128 Dean Martin wants to see you in his office right away. 1290 01:12:40,164 --> 01:12:41,495 Dean Martin. 1291 01:12:43,500 --> 01:12:47,960 And she said, "Let's do it. The room's already paid for." 1292 01:12:52,109 --> 01:12:55,772 Oh, golly. I'm afraid we have... 1293 01:12:55,812 --> 01:12:59,680 a potentially unpleasant situation on our hands here. 1294 01:12:59,716 --> 01:13:02,844 Phil, would you repeat to Mr. Melon... 1295 01:13:02,886 --> 01:13:05,980 the allegations that you've made to me? 1296 01:13:06,023 --> 01:13:08,992 It's clear the work you've handed in is not your own. 1297 01:13:09,026 --> 01:13:11,426 I'm accusing you of academic fraud. 1298 01:13:11,461 --> 01:13:15,192 Fraud is such an ugly word... 1299 01:13:15,232 --> 01:13:18,167 considering the financial generosity... 1300 01:13:18,202 --> 01:13:21,194 that Mr. Melon has shown towards our fine university. 1301 01:13:21,238 --> 01:13:23,934 I think Mr. Melon should be expelled. 1302 01:13:25,576 --> 01:13:28,739 What are you going to do about it? 1303 01:13:30,214 --> 01:13:32,341 Well, Thornton... 1304 01:13:32,382 --> 01:13:35,010 I'm only going to ask you this one time. 1305 01:13:35,052 --> 01:13:38,613 Is the work that you turned in your own? 1306 01:13:42,426 --> 01:13:44,951 I can't lie to you, Dean Martin. 1307 01:13:47,531 --> 01:13:49,021 Yes, it is. 1308 01:13:49,066 --> 01:13:51,660 I'm satisfied. 1309 01:13:51,702 --> 01:13:53,863 - Phil? - I'm outraged. 1310 01:13:53,904 --> 01:13:56,964 Gee whiz, Phil! I just asked the man... 1311 01:13:57,007 --> 01:13:59,134 if the work was his, and he said yes. 1312 01:13:59,176 --> 01:14:01,804 What do you want me to do, torture him? 1313 01:14:03,247 --> 01:14:06,580 I suggest a comprehensive oral examination... 1314 01:14:06,617 --> 01:14:09,017 conducted by all of Mr. Melon's professors. 1315 01:14:09,052 --> 01:14:10,519 Oral examination? 1316 01:14:10,554 --> 01:14:14,081 Yes. If you've done the work you say you have... 1317 01:14:14,124 --> 01:14:17,423 there should be no problem, should there? 1318 01:14:19,296 --> 01:14:21,662 Hey, Jase. 1319 01:14:21,698 --> 01:14:24,258 Hey, Lou. How you doin'? 1320 01:14:24,301 --> 01:14:26,166 Come here. I want to tell you something. 1321 01:14:26,203 --> 01:14:27,329 What? 1322 01:14:27,371 --> 01:14:29,601 You were pretty hard on your father last night. 1323 01:14:29,640 --> 01:14:32,040 I know, but the guy doesn't understand. 1324 01:14:32,075 --> 01:14:34,771 I know your pop thirty years. He understands. 1325 01:14:34,811 --> 01:14:37,177 He's a nice guy, and he's tough. 1326 01:14:37,214 --> 01:14:41,275 Like me. I'm nice, and I'm tough. 1327 01:14:41,318 --> 01:14:43,843 I'll give you an idea what I mean. 1328 01:14:43,887 --> 01:14:46,515 My two boys... I put one through college... 1329 01:14:46,556 --> 01:14:48,387 and the other I put through a wall. 1330 01:14:49,860 --> 01:14:51,851 Your papa loves you. 1331 01:14:53,130 --> 01:14:56,691 He's lookin' out for ya. Look out for him. 1332 01:15:22,225 --> 01:15:23,522 What's goin' on? 1333 01:15:23,560 --> 01:15:26,324 I'm leavin'. I'm sorry, Jason. 1334 01:15:26,363 --> 01:15:29,594 This college thing was a big mistake. 1335 01:15:29,633 --> 01:15:32,466 - So you're gonna give up? - I can't win. 1336 01:15:32,502 --> 01:15:35,130 They want me to take oral exams in all my subjects. 1337 01:15:35,172 --> 01:15:37,640 If I don't take them, they'll kick me out. 1338 01:15:37,674 --> 01:15:40,234 And if I take 'em, who knows where they'll kick me. 1339 01:15:43,013 --> 01:15:45,379 Hey, Dad, you remember what you told me... 1340 01:15:45,415 --> 01:15:47,542 when I told you I wanted to quit? 1341 01:15:47,584 --> 01:15:50,985 You told me that a man without an education is nothing. 1342 01:15:51,021 --> 01:15:52,113 I can't do it. 1343 01:15:52,155 --> 01:15:53,645 You can do anything you want to do. 1344 01:15:53,690 --> 01:15:56,818 You can do anything you want in life. 1345 01:15:56,860 --> 01:15:58,828 Remember, you're a Melon. 1346 01:16:02,833 --> 01:16:05,631 Don't quit. I'll help you. 1347 01:17:32,122 --> 01:17:34,386 Before we begin... 1348 01:17:34,424 --> 01:17:37,916 I would just like to thank each and every professor here... 1349 01:17:37,961 --> 01:17:42,898 for taking time out of his/her extremely busy schedule. 1350 01:17:42,933 --> 01:17:46,027 And a special thanks, of course, to Mr. Thornton Melon... 1351 01:17:46,069 --> 01:17:49,163 who I don't have to remind anyone is the donor... 1352 01:17:49,206 --> 01:17:52,107 of our new Melon School of Business. 1353 01:18:00,484 --> 01:18:02,452 We're wasting time. 1354 01:18:02,486 --> 01:18:05,114 Sorry, Phil. 1355 01:18:05,155 --> 01:18:08,454 Now, Mr. Melon, you'll have three hours... 1356 01:18:08,492 --> 01:18:10,460 to complete the examination. 1357 01:18:10,494 --> 01:18:15,261 If you fail any part of it, you will be expelled. 1358 01:18:15,298 --> 01:18:17,994 Mr. Melon, do you understand? 1359 01:18:19,870 --> 01:18:22,168 - The Council of Trent. - Excuse me? 1360 01:18:22,205 --> 01:18:23,729 I missed the question. 1361 01:18:23,773 --> 01:18:25,604 We haven't begun yet. 1362 01:18:27,777 --> 01:18:30,803 Well, Dr. Barbay, I suppose you're up first. 1363 01:18:45,295 --> 01:18:49,755 I have only one question for Mr. Melon... 1364 01:18:54,204 --> 01:18:57,367 in 27 parts. 1365 01:19:00,043 --> 01:19:02,773 I'd like to break him in 27 parts. 1366 01:19:02,812 --> 01:19:04,177 Excuse me? 1367 01:19:04,214 --> 01:19:05,579 No, nothin', nothin'. 1368 01:19:08,618 --> 01:19:11,985 Discuss the foundations of modern global business systems. 1369 01:19:12,022 --> 01:19:14,786 Part one: Define and differentiate... 1370 01:19:14,824 --> 01:19:16,792 the three economic philosophies... 1371 01:19:16,826 --> 01:19:19,021 of capitalism, socialism and communism... 1372 01:19:19,062 --> 01:19:22,589 as pertains to: A... management fundamentals; 1373 01:19:22,632 --> 01:19:24,793 B... organizing and staffing; 1374 01:19:24,834 --> 01:19:26,825 C... labor management; 1375 01:19:26,870 --> 01:19:29,600 and D... production and operations. 1376 01:19:29,639 --> 01:19:32,665 Part two... 1377 01:19:32,709 --> 01:19:35,678 Are you getting all this, Mr. Melon? 1378 01:19:35,712 --> 01:19:38,476 Yeah. It's a piece o' cake. 1379 01:19:41,117 --> 01:19:43,551 Jason? 1380 01:19:48,558 --> 01:19:50,526 Valerie. 1381 01:19:50,560 --> 01:19:55,122 I wanted to apologize for the other night... 1382 01:19:55,165 --> 01:19:59,568 my behavior and the things I said. 1383 01:19:59,603 --> 01:20:01,195 And to thank you... 1384 01:20:01,237 --> 01:20:04,434 for your behavior and the things you said. 1385 01:20:05,575 --> 01:20:09,102 I'm really sorry. 1386 01:20:09,145 --> 01:20:11,170 And I'm really in love with you... 1387 01:20:11,214 --> 01:20:12,977 and I really have been for a very long time. 1388 01:20:13,016 --> 01:20:16,144 And I can't believe I'm saying this. 1389 01:20:16,186 --> 01:20:19,087 I don't want to embarrass you... 1390 01:20:19,122 --> 01:20:22,455 or make you feel uncomfortable with me... 1391 01:20:22,492 --> 01:20:25,017 but... 1392 01:20:25,061 --> 01:20:30,761 I've been needing to tell you this for a very long time. 1393 01:20:33,536 --> 01:20:35,766 Are you aware that that's the most... 1394 01:20:35,805 --> 01:20:38,330 you've ever said to me at one time? 1395 01:20:38,375 --> 01:20:41,742 Except, of course, for the time that you were ravingly drunk. 1396 01:20:43,480 --> 01:20:44,970 I love you, too. 1397 01:21:07,103 --> 01:21:10,834 In response to Roman numeral 27... 1398 01:21:10,874 --> 01:21:13,843 section three, part two... 1399 01:21:13,877 --> 01:21:17,608 of subset D... of the question... 1400 01:21:17,647 --> 01:21:20,047 the answer is... 1401 01:21:21,117 --> 01:21:22,778 Mr. Melon? 1402 01:21:30,493 --> 01:21:31,721 Mr. Melon? 1403 01:21:31,761 --> 01:21:35,595 Hey, relax. This man's been put under a lot of pressure. 1404 01:21:35,632 --> 01:21:37,600 Let's take it easy on him. 1405 01:21:37,634 --> 01:21:39,795 Say it! Say it! 1406 01:21:41,271 --> 01:21:44,263 The answer is... four? 1407 01:21:51,481 --> 01:21:52,470 Right. 1408 01:21:59,522 --> 01:22:01,683 Dr. Turner? 1409 01:22:06,563 --> 01:22:09,031 Hold it. That's it. 1410 01:22:09,065 --> 01:22:10,657 I can't take it no more. 1411 01:22:10,700 --> 01:22:15,330 I feel like I just gave birth to an accountant. 1412 01:22:16,673 --> 01:22:18,163 Wait a minute, Thornton. 1413 01:22:30,086 --> 01:22:33,920 Thornton, do you remember when we discussed... 1414 01:22:33,957 --> 01:22:35,515 the Dylan Thomas poem... 1415 01:22:35,558 --> 01:22:38,083 "Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night"? 1416 01:22:38,128 --> 01:22:40,153 I don't know. 1417 01:22:40,196 --> 01:22:42,596 No. Maybe. 1418 01:22:42,632 --> 01:22:44,532 Thornton, think. 1419 01:22:44,567 --> 01:22:46,398 What's going on here? 1420 01:22:47,804 --> 01:22:51,262 Philip, relax. It's my turn. 1421 01:22:55,678 --> 01:22:57,043 Do you remember it? 1422 01:22:58,748 --> 01:23:01,911 "Do not go gentle into... 1423 01:23:01,951 --> 01:23:04,511 "into that good night. 1424 01:23:06,689 --> 01:23:09,419 "Old age should burn and rage... 1425 01:23:09,459 --> 01:23:13,555 "at close of day. 1426 01:23:13,596 --> 01:23:16,929 "Rage, rage against the dying of the light. 1427 01:23:16,966 --> 01:23:19,400 "Wild men who caught... 1428 01:23:19,435 --> 01:23:22,461 "and sang the sun in flight and learned too late... 1429 01:23:22,505 --> 01:23:25,201 "they grieved it on its way. 1430 01:23:25,241 --> 01:23:28,802 "Do not go gentle into that good night. 1431 01:23:28,845 --> 01:23:31,507 "Grave men near death... 1432 01:23:31,548 --> 01:23:34,016 "who see with blinding sight. 1433 01:23:34,050 --> 01:23:37,451 "Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay. 1434 01:23:37,487 --> 01:23:41,685 "Rage, rage against the dying of the light. 1435 01:23:41,724 --> 01:23:46,457 "And you, my father, there on the sad height. 1436 01:23:46,496 --> 01:23:48,521 "Curse, bless me now... 1437 01:23:48,565 --> 01:23:50,499 "with your fierce tears, I pray. 1438 01:23:50,533 --> 01:23:53,900 "Do not go gentle into that good night. 1439 01:23:53,937 --> 01:23:57,998 "Rage! Rage against the dying of the light!" 1440 01:23:58,041 --> 01:24:00,839 Thornton, what does that poem mean to you? 1441 01:24:00,877 --> 01:24:02,970 It means... 1442 01:24:03,012 --> 01:24:05,310 I don't take shit from no one. 1443 01:24:06,749 --> 01:24:08,740 I'm gonna pass this test. 1444 01:24:08,785 --> 01:24:12,346 I'm stayin' in school! Who's next? 1445 01:24:15,391 --> 01:24:18,451 Now diving for the Atlantic Eastern Eagles... 1446 01:24:18,494 --> 01:24:22,453 current conference champion... Doug Nelson. 1447 01:24:22,498 --> 01:24:25,023 You know what you almost never see? 1448 01:24:25,068 --> 01:24:28,196 Somebody heckling a diver. 1449 01:24:40,850 --> 01:24:43,842 - You're all right, kid. - Thanks, Lou. 1450 01:24:43,887 --> 01:24:48,551 Please refrain from making loud noises during the dives. 1451 01:24:50,727 --> 01:24:54,629 Next up, the Atlantic Eastern Eagles'... 1452 01:24:54,664 --> 01:24:56,689 Bill Steincap. 1453 01:25:15,184 --> 01:25:19,177 That concludes Atlantic Eastern's ten-meter dives. 1454 01:25:19,222 --> 01:25:22,020 Next up, the Grand Lakes Hooters. 1455 01:25:24,961 --> 01:25:26,588 We would like to remind you... 1456 01:25:26,629 --> 01:25:28,893 tickets to all Grand Lakes sporting events... 1457 01:25:28,932 --> 01:25:31,992 are available through the student services office. 1458 01:25:32,035 --> 01:25:34,128 Are you interested in Valerie Desmond? 1459 01:25:34,170 --> 01:25:36,764 She's with me. 1460 01:25:36,806 --> 01:25:39,536 Coming into your own, are you, Melon? 1461 01:25:39,575 --> 01:25:41,042 I wouldn't break my arm... 1462 01:25:41,077 --> 01:25:43,307 patting myself on the back if I were you. 1463 01:25:43,346 --> 01:25:45,337 Because... get this, towel boy... 1464 01:25:45,381 --> 01:25:48,509 no matter what you think, you will always be a crude... 1465 01:25:48,551 --> 01:25:51,179 obnoxious, nouveau riche little phlebe... 1466 01:25:51,220 --> 01:25:53,552 and you're gonna end up just like your father. 1467 01:25:53,589 --> 01:25:57,548 God, I hope so, 'cause I happen to love the guy. 1468 01:25:57,593 --> 01:26:00,892 First up for Grand Lakes University... 1469 01:26:00,930 --> 01:26:03,057 Chas Osbourne... 1470 01:26:03,099 --> 01:26:05,829 former national high school champion. 1471 01:26:33,129 --> 01:26:36,121 - Jason dive yet? - Not yet. Did you pass? 1472 01:26:36,165 --> 01:26:37,632 I don't know. They'll let me know. 1473 01:26:37,667 --> 01:26:40,397 Now diving for Grand Lakes University... 1474 01:26:40,436 --> 01:26:42,768 Jason Melon. 1475 01:27:02,492 --> 01:27:04,517 Attaboy, Jason! You did it! 1476 01:27:09,899 --> 01:27:10,923 All right! 1477 01:27:15,738 --> 01:27:18,206 I can't believe it. We could actually win this. 1478 01:27:18,241 --> 01:27:22,200 Melon's dive has put the Hooters back in this meet. 1479 01:27:23,679 --> 01:27:25,146 What's the matter? 1480 01:27:26,682 --> 01:27:28,650 You're up next, Chas. 1481 01:27:31,587 --> 01:27:33,680 I have got a really bad cramp. 1482 01:27:33,723 --> 01:27:36,021 I've been having really bad cramps all week. 1483 01:27:36,059 --> 01:27:39,324 - It's probably menstrual. - Screw you, Melon! 1484 01:27:41,998 --> 01:27:45,957 Coach Turnbull, you got another eligible diver? 1485 01:27:48,404 --> 01:27:49,871 Melon! 1486 01:27:53,242 --> 01:27:57,542 Melon! We need ya! Get your suit on! 1487 01:27:57,580 --> 01:27:58,706 Go ahead. 1488 01:27:58,748 --> 01:28:00,875 Oh, not a chance. In the shape I'm in... 1489 01:28:00,917 --> 01:28:03,010 you could donate my body to science fiction. 1490 01:28:03,052 --> 01:28:05,418 Get your suit on! We need ya! 1491 01:28:05,455 --> 01:28:08,856 Come on, pal. Show 'em what you got. 1492 01:28:08,891 --> 01:28:11,189 Melon! We need ya! 1493 01:28:16,132 --> 01:28:20,728 Now diving in substitution for Grand Lakes University... 1494 01:28:20,770 --> 01:28:23,170 Thornton Melon. 1495 01:28:25,041 --> 01:28:27,271 He's on my substitute roster... 1496 01:28:27,310 --> 01:28:29,835 but I don't have it right now. 1497 01:28:29,879 --> 01:28:33,576 But what I'll do is, first chance I get... 1498 01:28:33,616 --> 01:28:35,174 I'll bring it to you. 1499 01:28:53,569 --> 01:28:56,003 What dive is he gonna do? 1500 01:28:56,038 --> 01:28:58,973 The Triple Lindy. 1501 01:28:59,008 --> 01:29:01,238 Melon! Melon! Melon! 1502 01:29:07,984 --> 01:29:10,544 There will be an additional springboard installed... 1503 01:29:10,586 --> 01:29:13,384 for Melon's dive, the Triple Lindy. 1504 01:29:13,422 --> 01:29:15,982 - Is that hard? - It's impossible. 1505 01:30:39,542 --> 01:30:42,033 Melon! You did it! 1506 01:30:46,949 --> 01:30:48,314 That was great! 1507 01:30:52,955 --> 01:30:56,914 Oh, you were great! That was incredible! 1508 01:30:56,959 --> 01:30:59,427 I guess there's nothing you can't do. 1509 01:30:59,462 --> 01:31:01,623 I've got the results of your exams right here. 1510 01:31:01,664 --> 01:31:02,790 Do I want to hear 'em? 1511 01:31:02,832 --> 01:31:05,426 You passed! All "Ds" and an "A." 1512 01:31:05,468 --> 01:31:07,493 Who gave me the "A"? 1513 01:31:07,536 --> 01:31:09,868 - I did. - Oh, yeah? 1514 01:31:09,905 --> 01:31:12,499 I would like to introduce our speaker today. 1515 01:31:12,541 --> 01:31:13,974 This is the first time... 1516 01:31:14,010 --> 01:31:17,411 in the history of this fine institution... 1517 01:31:17,446 --> 01:31:20,279 that a freshman has given this address. 1518 01:31:20,316 --> 01:31:22,910 Mr. Thornton Melon. 1519 01:31:35,898 --> 01:31:37,058 Thank you very much. 1520 01:31:37,099 --> 01:31:39,863 Thank you, Dean Martin, President Sinclair... 1521 01:31:39,902 --> 01:31:42,370 and members of the graduating class. 1522 01:31:42,405 --> 01:31:45,238 I have only one thing to say to you today... 1523 01:31:45,274 --> 01:31:46,707 it's a jungle out there. 1524 01:31:46,742 --> 01:31:49,302 You gotta look out for number one. 1525 01:31:49,345 --> 01:31:52,143 But don't step in number two. 1526 01:31:53,649 --> 01:31:56,675 And so, to all you graduates... 1527 01:31:56,719 --> 01:32:00,815 as you go out into the world my advice to you is... 1528 01:32:00,856 --> 01:32:03,825 don't go! It's rough out there. 1529 01:32:03,859 --> 01:32:06,828 Move back with your parents. Let them worry about it. 115663