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1
00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:07,858
_
2
00:00:08,492 --> 00:00:10,751
- Hmm.
- I'm going to the market.
3
00:00:10,827 --> 00:00:12,419
Can you look after the kids?
4
00:00:12,571 --> 00:00:13,645
I'm on it.
5
00:00:13,756 --> 00:00:15,848
And don't just plop them
in front of the TV,
6
00:00:15,924 --> 00:00:18,458
eat Twinkies, and take a nap.
7
00:00:18,460 --> 00:00:21,336
- Homer, we're bored.
- We need something to do.
8
00:00:21,338 --> 00:00:23,747
Plop them in front of the TV.
9
00:00:23,766 --> 00:00:25,840
Eat Twinkies. Take a nap.
10
00:00:25,860 --> 00:00:28,360
Maybe catch up on your drinking.
11
00:00:28,437 --> 00:00:29,511
Hmm.
12
00:00:29,530 --> 00:00:31,346
I want to watch a show about bulldozers.
13
00:00:31,348 --> 00:00:33,365
But it should have unicorns in it.
14
00:00:33,367 --> 00:00:35,659
Right. Bulldozers crushing unicorns.
15
00:00:36,428 --> 00:00:38,370
[GRUNTING]
16
00:00:39,373 --> 00:00:40,205
♪
17
00:00:40,282 --> 00:00:41,373
[CACKLES]
18
00:00:41,450 --> 00:00:43,784
- Sweaty ugly clown.
- Sweaty ugly clown.
19
00:00:43,860 --> 00:00:45,360
Hey-hey, kids!
20
00:00:45,437 --> 00:00:47,880
It's time for Itchy and Scratchy.
21
00:00:47,882 --> 00:00:49,239
[CHILDREN CHEERING]
22
00:00:49,241 --> 00:00:50,382
♪ They fight and bite ♪
23
00:00:50,459 --> 00:00:51,699
♪ They fight and bite and fight... ♪
24
00:00:51,777 --> 00:00:54,795
This cartoon is called
Itchy and Scratchy?
25
00:00:54,797 --> 00:00:56,722
Yeah, it's named after your butt.
26
00:00:56,799 --> 00:00:58,757
Whoa, nice one.
27
00:00:58,759 --> 00:01:00,117
♪ La, la, la-la! ♪
28
00:01:00,135 --> 00:01:03,545
Today's show is brought
to you by the letter "F,"
29
00:01:03,547 --> 00:01:06,065
which stands for "fire."
30
00:01:07,068 --> 00:01:09,384
[SCREAMING]
31
00:01:09,461 --> 00:01:10,736
Mmm.
32
00:01:10,738 --> 00:01:12,145
And the number eight,
33
00:01:12,222 --> 00:01:16,492
as in, "Scratchy 'ate' a pie
with a bomb in it."
34
00:01:18,562 --> 00:01:21,622
♪ The Itchy and Scratchy Show. ♪
35
00:01:23,400 --> 00:01:25,659
[BOTH LAUGH]
36
00:01:25,811 --> 00:01:26,919
That was awesome.
37
00:01:27,329 --> 00:01:30,339
Let's watch this show
together every day forever.
38
00:01:31,483 --> 00:01:33,258
- Twinkie promise.
- Twinkie promise.
39
00:01:34,286 --> 00:01:37,387
♪
40
00:01:38,599 --> 00:01:40,390
[WHIMPERS]
41
00:01:41,060 --> 00:01:42,083
- Ah.
- [CRACKLES]
42
00:01:42,103 --> 00:01:43,994
[SCREAMING]
43
00:01:43,996 --> 00:01:45,354
♪
44
00:01:53,839 --> 00:01:54,938
[PANTING]
45
00:01:56,675 --> 00:01:58,358
[YELPS]
46
00:01:58,435 --> 00:01:59,576
[CACKLING]
47
00:02:06,627 --> 00:02:09,353
♪ They fight and bite ♪
48
00:02:09,355 --> 00:02:12,189
- ♪ They fight and bite and fight ♪
- _
49
00:02:12,207 --> 00:02:15,525
♪ Fight, fight, fight,
bite, bite, bite ♪
50
00:02:15,527 --> 00:02:18,595
♪ The Itchy and Scratchy Show. ♪
51
00:02:19,393 --> 00:02:20,452
_
52
00:02:22,126 --> 00:02:24,501
I've got something to show you.
53
00:02:25,612 --> 00:02:27,445
It's your little sister in her new
54
00:02:27,523 --> 00:02:30,281
Itchy and Scratchy ensemble.
55
00:02:30,526 --> 00:02:31,530
- Ack!
- Ack!
56
00:02:31,543 --> 00:02:33,785
They make Itchy and Scratchy clothes
57
00:02:33,860 --> 00:02:34,861
for babies now?
58
00:02:34,863 --> 00:02:36,120
And not just clothes.
59
00:02:36,122 --> 00:02:38,865
They've got toys, rattles, binkies,
60
00:02:38,867 --> 00:02:40,625
and even a potty.
61
00:02:41,053 --> 00:02:42,644
[BART AND LISA GROAN]
62
00:02:42,796 --> 00:02:44,604
[BOTH PANTING]
63
00:02:46,817 --> 00:02:49,651
[BOTH] Itchy and Scratchy is for babies!
64
00:02:49,803 --> 00:02:52,195
Babies!
65
00:02:52,230 --> 00:02:54,489
[CLAMORING]
66
00:03:09,673 --> 00:03:11,256
[CHEERING]
67
00:03:11,825 --> 00:03:13,383
[WHISTLING]
68
00:03:13,902 --> 00:03:15,135
Oh.
69
00:03:16,588 --> 00:03:19,406
Why aren't you watching
Itchy and Scratchy with Bart?
70
00:03:19,424 --> 00:03:22,500
Um, because that show
is completely uncool?
71
00:03:22,578 --> 00:03:24,594
Right now, my friends and I
are bingeing this show
72
00:03:24,671 --> 00:03:29,316
from the golden age of television: 2013.
73
00:03:29,676 --> 00:03:30,725
- ♪
- _
74
00:03:31,420 --> 00:03:33,937
Aw, Schultz. You got a dog?
75
00:03:33,939 --> 00:03:35,422
♪ Cute. ♪
76
00:03:35,440 --> 00:03:38,683
I just borrowed him to meet ladies.
77
00:03:38,685 --> 00:03:39,759
Ow!
78
00:03:39,778 --> 00:03:41,870
My finger-quote fingers.
79
00:03:41,947 --> 00:03:44,373
I am in "terrible pain."
80
00:03:46,377 --> 00:03:50,620
♪ Sometimes a horndog
gets bit by a real dog ♪
81
00:03:50,622 --> 00:03:53,607
♪ La la la la la la la la la... ♪
82
00:03:53,609 --> 00:03:58,553
[LAUGHS] She made it okay
for cute girls to be pretty.
83
00:03:58,555 --> 00:04:01,372
Okay, but isn't there something else
84
00:04:01,374 --> 00:04:02,557
you could do with your brother?
85
00:04:02,559 --> 00:04:03,950
Interesting idea.
86
00:04:03,952 --> 00:04:07,137
I'll circle back with my
team and let you know.
87
00:04:07,213 --> 00:04:09,046
That always means no.
88
00:04:09,883 --> 00:04:13,360
And what television
program are you watching?
89
00:04:13,812 --> 00:04:14,812
_
90
00:04:14,813 --> 00:04:16,571
[ALL LAUGHING MANIACALLY]
91
00:04:16,573 --> 00:04:19,223
- [YELPS]
- Obviously, the jokes are great,
92
00:04:19,301 --> 00:04:21,392
but what I love is the storytelling.
93
00:04:21,412 --> 00:04:23,227
All right, maybe that's something
94
00:04:23,229 --> 00:04:24,579
you could enjoy with Lisa?
95
00:04:24,731 --> 00:04:27,249
Marge,
what Lisa and I had was so special,
96
00:04:27,325 --> 00:04:28,917
but we've both moved on.
97
00:04:28,994 --> 00:04:31,811
On your way out, do me a favor
and drop this in the garbage.
98
00:04:31,813 --> 00:04:33,146
You're a doll.
99
00:04:33,148 --> 00:04:34,071
[MARGE MOANS SADLY]
100
00:04:34,149 --> 00:04:35,665
[ANIMATED CHARACTERS LAUGHING]
101
00:04:36,409 --> 00:04:38,075
I knew my kids were growing up,
102
00:04:38,153 --> 00:04:40,153
but I never thought they'd grow apart.
103
00:04:40,172 --> 00:04:42,389
And I think I'm the only one who cares.
104
00:04:43,583 --> 00:04:46,009
♪
105
00:04:46,085 --> 00:04:48,228
- We care, Marge.
- We care, Marge.
106
00:04:53,593 --> 00:04:57,595
♪ When Bart and Lisa loved us ♪
107
00:04:57,673 --> 00:05:01,116
♪ Things were just so beautiful ♪
108
00:05:01,193 --> 00:05:04,194
♪ Blood would flow but also ♪
109
00:05:04,346 --> 00:05:07,664
♪ So would love ♪
110
00:05:10,202 --> 00:05:13,462
♪ They'd laugh at all our violence ♪
111
00:05:13,613 --> 00:05:18,858
♪ And horrors quite
unsuitable for children ♪
112
00:05:18,860 --> 00:05:20,543
♪ As guts rained ♪
113
00:05:20,696 --> 00:05:26,174
♪ From above ♪
114
00:05:26,176 --> 00:05:30,145
♪ But then one day,
things weren't the same ♪
115
00:05:30,147 --> 00:05:32,222
♪ Babies loved us ♪
116
00:05:32,298 --> 00:05:35,225
♪ We were lame ♪
117
00:05:35,635 --> 00:05:40,730
♪ Used to spend so much
time with each other ♪
118
00:05:41,233 --> 00:05:46,553
♪ And now they barely
seem like sister/brother ♪
119
00:05:46,980 --> 00:05:48,813
♪ And it breaks the heart ♪
120
00:05:48,890 --> 00:05:54,211
♪ Of their sweet, loving mother ♪
121
00:05:55,247 --> 00:05:58,322
♪ Now that Bart and Lisa ♪
122
00:05:58,400 --> 00:06:02,235
♪ Don't love ♪
123
00:06:02,237 --> 00:06:06,348
♪ Us. ♪
124
00:06:08,893 --> 00:06:10,634
Have you noticed that Bart and Lisa
125
00:06:10,712 --> 00:06:12,545
don't hang out these days?
126
00:06:12,547 --> 00:06:14,638
They barely even speak anymore.
127
00:06:14,716 --> 00:06:17,550
Yeah, but if I may pose
a counterargument:
128
00:06:17,552 --> 00:06:18,976
Eh, whaddya gonna do?
129
00:06:19,645 --> 00:06:22,555
I don't want Bart and Lisa
to be the kind of siblings
130
00:06:22,557 --> 00:06:25,241
who stop speaking and drift apart.
131
00:06:25,243 --> 00:06:26,726
Yeah, maybe you're right.
132
00:06:27,062 --> 00:06:29,003
We don't want them to
end up like Sweet Johnson
133
00:06:29,080 --> 00:06:31,655
and CJ Johnson in Grand Theft Auto.
134
00:06:31,733 --> 00:06:33,566
I've never played that game.
135
00:06:33,585 --> 00:06:36,845
[CHUCKLES] Marge,
when you grow up in Los Santos,
136
00:06:36,847 --> 00:06:39,496
and Big Smoke needs you
to move that powder,
137
00:06:39,574 --> 00:06:42,666
the game has a way of playing you.
138
00:06:42,744 --> 00:06:44,477
♪
139
00:06:47,749 --> 00:06:49,649
♪
140
00:06:52,863 --> 00:06:56,030
Kids.
Kids, can I talk to you for a second?
141
00:06:56,941 --> 00:06:59,592
Your father and I won't
be around forever.
142
00:06:59,594 --> 00:07:02,203
When you get older,
you'll need to lean on each other.
143
00:07:02,355 --> 00:07:04,614
Whatever you do, don't drift apart.
144
00:07:04,616 --> 00:07:06,616
You share a journey with your siblings
145
00:07:06,692 --> 00:07:08,710
that no one else will ever understand.
146
00:07:08,712 --> 00:07:12,271
You must never, ever,
ever take that for granted.
147
00:07:13,199 --> 00:07:16,792
If you're telling us all this,
who's flipping the pancakes?
148
00:07:16,869 --> 00:07:17,910
Ooh!
149
00:07:18,279 --> 00:07:20,113
Mom, we get what you're saying,
150
00:07:20,115 --> 00:07:21,631
I think, and I promise,
151
00:07:21,707 --> 00:07:23,391
we'll keep it in mind.
152
00:07:23,468 --> 00:07:25,542
♪ But they didn't heed Marge ♪
153
00:07:25,544 --> 00:07:27,937
♪ They drifted apart ♪
154
00:07:29,548 --> 00:07:31,791
♪ Lisa conquered the world ♪
155
00:07:31,793 --> 00:07:34,944
♪ And poor Bart remained Bart ♪
156
00:07:37,240 --> 00:07:39,556
♪ Their relationship died ♪
157
00:07:39,634 --> 00:07:42,869
♪ With no one to grieve it ♪
158
00:07:44,139 --> 00:07:46,639
♪ 'Cause Marge passed before Homer ♪
159
00:07:46,641 --> 00:07:50,309
♪ If you can believe it ♪
160
00:07:50,587 --> 00:07:54,422
♪ So sad ♪
161
00:07:54,999 --> 00:07:58,801
♪ So sad ♪
162
00:07:59,596 --> 00:08:04,933
- ♪ So sad. ♪
- _
163
00:08:05,009 --> 00:08:06,809
[HOMER SOBBING]
164
00:08:11,869 --> 00:08:13,470
_
165
00:08:13,968 --> 00:08:16,226
Lisa Simpson, thank you so much
166
00:08:16,304 --> 00:08:18,637
for sitting down with She-E-O magazine.
167
00:08:18,656 --> 00:08:20,748
You're the youngest
commissioner in the history
168
00:08:20,750 --> 00:08:22,899
of the women's professional
basketball league,
169
00:08:22,977 --> 00:08:24,493
which is now called the NBA,
170
00:08:24,645 --> 00:08:27,255
and now dwarfs the popularity
of the men's league,
171
00:08:27,406 --> 00:08:28,831
now called the MNBA.
172
00:08:28,983 --> 00:08:30,833
What's the secret to your success?
173
00:08:30,909 --> 00:08:33,986
Well, here at the NBA,
formerly the WNBA,
174
00:08:33,988 --> 00:08:36,505
we like to follow what
my late mother taught me:
175
00:08:36,582 --> 00:08:38,340
You do well by doing good.
176
00:08:38,342 --> 00:08:41,010
I'm especially proud
that all my support staff
177
00:08:41,162 --> 00:08:42,344
are former players.
178
00:08:42,497 --> 00:08:45,606
Ms. Simpson, a reminder
that you are due to speak
179
00:08:45,683 --> 00:08:47,349
at your old school tomorrow.
180
00:08:47,502 --> 00:08:50,002
Oh, and your brother Bart
sent you a fax.
181
00:08:50,021 --> 00:08:52,596
Funny how technology
hasn't moved forward
182
00:08:52,615 --> 00:08:54,023
in 35 years.
183
00:08:54,099 --> 00:08:56,099
If anything, it's gone backwards.
184
00:08:56,177 --> 00:08:57,178
What did Bart say?
185
00:08:57,194 --> 00:08:59,770
"Dude, you forgot to send me the check
186
00:08:59,847 --> 00:09:01,122
"for Dad's retirement home.
187
00:09:01,198 --> 00:09:04,199
"Oh, wait,
I found it in a drawer with my weed.
188
00:09:04,201 --> 00:09:06,276
- "Good thing I didn't smoke it.
- [GROANS]
189
00:09:06,354 --> 00:09:07,870
Ha ha. Peace."
190
00:09:08,205 --> 00:09:09,538
I didn't know you had a brother.
191
00:09:09,540 --> 00:09:11,114
We're really not that close.
192
00:09:11,134 --> 00:09:13,359
I paid for him to go to
air conditioning school,
193
00:09:13,361 --> 00:09:15,027
but he dropped out because he couldn't
194
00:09:15,046 --> 00:09:17,346
get into the frat he wanted.
195
00:09:17,757 --> 00:09:19,278
_
196
00:09:20,701 --> 00:09:23,477
I guess this wasn't such
a bad place to grow up.
197
00:09:25,706 --> 00:09:27,873
Okay, Barney doesn't look so bad,
198
00:09:27,875 --> 00:09:28,965
all things considered.
199
00:09:28,967 --> 00:09:31,968
- [GROANS]
- Oh, my God. That's Nelson.
200
00:09:32,046 --> 00:09:35,397
Haw-haw! My life took a tragic turn.
201
00:09:35,474 --> 00:09:36,457
[GROANS]
202
00:09:36,475 --> 00:09:38,400
[LISA] Well, at least Dad's safe
203
00:09:38,402 --> 00:09:39,885
at the Retirement Castle.
204
00:09:39,904 --> 00:09:43,331
Ooh, if I hurry,
I can see him before 3:00 p.m. dinner.
205
00:09:46,652 --> 00:09:48,819
I'm sorry, no visitors today.
206
00:09:48,896 --> 00:09:50,729
All the seniors are on a field trip
207
00:09:50,731 --> 00:09:51,914
to the Hard Candy Museum.
208
00:09:51,916 --> 00:09:54,917
Well, I'm disappointed
I can't see my dad,
209
00:09:54,919 --> 00:09:56,844
but also kind of relieved.
210
00:09:56,846 --> 00:09:58,404
You can relate, right?
211
00:09:58,406 --> 00:10:01,256
Oh, of course.
I'm also a horrible person.
212
00:10:01,409 --> 00:10:02,508
Now, if you'll excuse me,
213
00:10:02,685 --> 00:10:05,669
I have to go change 200
bedpans for minimum wage.
214
00:10:06,189 --> 00:10:09,748
So, I've got an hour to kill
before my speech.
215
00:10:09,750 --> 00:10:12,843
Ooh, maybe I'll drive
by my childhood home
216
00:10:12,845 --> 00:10:14,177
and get choked up
217
00:10:14,255 --> 00:10:17,940
about how grateful I am
not to live there anymore.
218
00:10:17,942 --> 00:10:19,775
["DA' BUTT"
BY EXPERIENCE UNLIMITED PLAYING]
219
00:10:19,777 --> 00:10:21,952
What is that music?
220
00:10:25,766 --> 00:10:27,691
[LAUGHING]
221
00:10:27,693 --> 00:10:29,877
[GRUNTS] Hiya! Hoo! Hah! [GRUNTS]
222
00:10:29,879 --> 00:10:32,529
Dad, what is going on here?
223
00:10:32,531 --> 00:10:33,772
Oh, crap.
224
00:10:33,791 --> 00:10:36,442
Please be a hallucination
from the mushrooms.
225
00:10:36,444 --> 00:10:38,444
Bart, what is going on here?
226
00:10:38,446 --> 00:10:41,113
And why isn't Dad in
the retirement home?
227
00:10:41,115 --> 00:10:45,041
Oh, I haven't lived there
for three years.
228
00:10:45,043 --> 00:10:46,076
D'oh!
229
00:10:46,470 --> 00:10:48,804
Wait, I've been sending you
the money for that place.
230
00:10:48,806 --> 00:10:51,123
What else have you been lying about?
231
00:10:51,125 --> 00:10:55,236
Who's ready for an exotic dancer?
232
00:10:55,312 --> 00:10:57,053
I wanted a stripper.
233
00:10:57,131 --> 00:11:00,132
Hold on, I just talked to
you at the Retirement Castle.
234
00:11:00,134 --> 00:11:02,392
Wh... You're not a real nurse at all.
235
00:11:02,470 --> 00:11:03,493
Yes, I am.
236
00:11:03,971 --> 00:11:06,472
I nurse part-time to put myself
through stripping school.
237
00:11:06,474 --> 00:11:09,250
See? I'm helping young
women achieve their dreams.
238
00:11:10,068 --> 00:11:12,645
[LISA] So you're running an
unlicensed retirement home,
239
00:11:12,647 --> 00:11:15,664
and throwing parties with the
money I've been sending you?
240
00:11:15,741 --> 00:11:17,842
Would you stop doing that?
241
00:11:20,171 --> 00:11:21,173
[STRIPPER] Hmph.
242
00:11:21,246 --> 00:11:23,764
And you paid off that nurse/stripper
243
00:11:23,766 --> 00:11:25,766
to keep me from finding out.
244
00:11:25,768 --> 00:11:27,326
Great news, Bart.
245
00:11:27,328 --> 00:11:29,085
I got Lenny and Carl's families
246
00:11:29,163 --> 00:11:30,846
to have their social security checks
247
00:11:30,848 --> 00:11:34,333
sent directly to us. Ka-ching!
248
00:11:34,351 --> 00:11:35,943
Lisa Simpson!
249
00:11:35,945 --> 00:11:37,519
Wassup!
250
00:11:37,521 --> 00:11:38,779
Get out.
251
00:11:38,781 --> 00:11:40,430
All right!
252
00:11:41,192 --> 00:11:44,935
Okay, I've told a few fibs,
but since when is fraud a crime?
253
00:11:45,012 --> 00:11:47,062
Look, I'm good
at taking care of these guys.
254
00:11:47,139 --> 00:11:51,375
- I'm super organized...
- Organized? Look at your keys.
255
00:11:51,944 --> 00:11:52,976
[BART] Hmm.
256
00:11:53,111 --> 00:11:55,838
What about them?
This is my command center.
257
00:11:57,133 --> 00:11:58,190
[TIRES SCREECH]
258
00:11:58,192 --> 00:11:59,216
[LOUD CRASH]
259
00:12:00,970 --> 00:12:02,069
[GASPS]
260
00:12:02,863 --> 00:12:05,380
Car drive Lenny crash good?
261
00:12:05,457 --> 00:12:07,049
Ugh, my car!
262
00:12:07,125 --> 00:12:10,293
I need to get to my speech
at Springfield Elementary.
263
00:12:10,295 --> 00:12:11,394
In my defense...
264
00:12:11,522 --> 00:12:14,540
In your defense?
You're a failure as a brother,
265
00:12:14,542 --> 00:12:16,542
a son, a human being,
266
00:12:16,544 --> 00:12:19,545
and given your shocking
level of irresponsibility,
267
00:12:19,547 --> 00:12:21,063
probably a father.
268
00:12:21,065 --> 00:12:24,733
Nobody gets pregnant from
the kind of sex I have.
269
00:12:24,810 --> 00:12:25,910
[GAGS]
270
00:12:26,979 --> 00:12:29,997
Yes, my dad's name is Homer Simpson,
271
00:12:30,074 --> 00:12:33,334
and he lives at 742 Evergreen Terrace.
272
00:12:33,485 --> 00:12:36,837
And now, the greatest person
to ever come out of Springfield,
273
00:12:36,914 --> 00:12:39,732
my personal hero, Lisa Simpson.
274
00:12:39,734 --> 00:12:41,825
[APPLAUSE]
275
00:12:41,844 --> 00:12:43,402
Thank you, Amber.
276
00:12:43,404 --> 00:12:47,422
Today, I want to tell you
that if you work really hard
277
00:12:47,575 --> 00:12:49,091
and dream really big,
278
00:12:49,243 --> 00:12:51,810
you can become whatever you want to be.
279
00:12:53,581 --> 00:12:56,081
But I don't have the energy
to lie like that today
280
00:12:56,083 --> 00:13:00,194
because I am so mad at my
failure of a brother, Bart.
281
00:13:00,345 --> 00:13:03,255
Just when I think I'm
numb to his punches,
282
00:13:03,257 --> 00:13:08,518
he starts kicking,
kicking me in the shins of my soul.
283
00:13:08,596 --> 00:13:10,037
[MURMURING]
284
00:13:10,114 --> 00:13:13,356
Okay, let's all hear it
for Lisa Simpson.
285
00:13:13,358 --> 00:13:14,600
[GRUNTING]
286
00:13:14,602 --> 00:13:17,786
How dare you interrupt
my onstage breakdown!
287
00:13:17,788 --> 00:13:19,505
[SHOUTS]
288
00:13:22,626 --> 00:13:23,792
Goodbye, Lisa.
289
00:13:23,794 --> 00:13:25,052
And if you're ever back in town,
290
00:13:25,203 --> 00:13:28,013
by all means, don't call us again.
291
00:13:31,969 --> 00:13:33,710
Just pretend it's a Tribble,
292
00:13:33,712 --> 00:13:35,804
and you want to hit it
out of the starship,
293
00:13:35,806 --> 00:13:37,047
through the air chute.
294
00:13:37,066 --> 00:13:38,139
Ah.
295
00:13:38,884 --> 00:13:41,460
[CHEERING]
296
00:13:41,462 --> 00:13:43,219
[LAUGHS, SIGHS]
297
00:13:43,221 --> 00:13:45,464
Lisa, do you want to come play with us?
298
00:13:45,482 --> 00:13:47,132
No, I really don't want to.
299
00:13:47,134 --> 00:13:50,986
I'll let you play your
saxomaphone at the dinner table.
300
00:13:51,063 --> 00:13:52,154
Hmm.
301
00:13:53,641 --> 00:13:55,416
- Way to go!
- [CHEERING]
302
00:13:55,918 --> 00:13:57,251
- Ha.
- Yeah!
303
00:13:57,402 --> 00:13:58,435
Ha. Ha!
304
00:13:59,830 --> 00:14:02,815
- Hmm.
- Guys, guys, guys. Lenny's gone.
305
00:14:02,817 --> 00:14:05,776
- Mentally?
- Yes, but also gone gone.
306
00:14:05,778 --> 00:14:09,579
Oh, God. I knew I should have
put a bell on his suspenders.
307
00:14:09,581 --> 00:14:11,414
- Lenny!
- Mr. Leonard!
308
00:14:11,492 --> 00:14:12,766
Carl's friend!
309
00:14:12,918 --> 00:14:14,084
There he is!
310
00:14:14,662 --> 00:14:16,920
Hey, there, Lenny. What you doing?
311
00:14:16,997 --> 00:14:18,680
Oh, what's it look like I'm doing?
312
00:14:18,682 --> 00:14:20,941
I'm sitting at Moe's, having a beer.
313
00:14:22,094 --> 00:14:24,353
But, Lenny, Moe's is down here.
314
00:14:24,505 --> 00:14:27,114
And this frosty beer
has your name on it.
315
00:14:27,265 --> 00:14:28,616
Oh, boy.
316
00:14:28,692 --> 00:14:30,192
[GRUNTING]
317
00:14:30,268 --> 00:14:32,694
Okay, that was kind of impressive.
318
00:14:32,847 --> 00:14:35,956
I guess you sort of
care about these guys,
319
00:14:36,033 --> 00:14:38,851
even if you are exploiting
and defrauding them.
320
00:14:38,853 --> 00:14:40,127
Oh, shut up.
321
00:14:40,204 --> 00:14:42,112
All you do is sit in
your big-city office
322
00:14:42,114 --> 00:14:45,132
and send checks,
while I'm here doing the heavy lifting,
323
00:14:45,209 --> 00:14:49,470
by which I mean putting Dad
on the toilet six times a day.
324
00:14:49,546 --> 00:14:50,863
- Ew.
- Even worse
325
00:14:50,881 --> 00:14:52,381
is getting him off that thing.
326
00:14:52,457 --> 00:14:54,457
You need a two-by-four
to break the suction.
327
00:14:54,477 --> 00:14:55,868
[SHOUTS] Stop it.
328
00:14:55,886 --> 00:14:57,102
[TIRES SCREECH]
329
00:14:58,889 --> 00:15:01,649
- Ah! Um, oh!
- They took him! They took our friend!
330
00:15:01,651 --> 00:15:02,708
Bring back our friend!
331
00:15:02,710 --> 00:15:03,711
What happened?
332
00:15:03,727 --> 00:15:05,711
Men in a van...
333
00:15:05,713 --> 00:15:07,303
abducted Homer!
334
00:15:07,381 --> 00:15:08,730
And they left this.
335
00:15:08,732 --> 00:15:11,158
It's from "Senior Protective Services."
336
00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:14,069
"Homer J. Simpson has been
placed in our custody,
337
00:15:14,146 --> 00:15:16,312
"due to a complaint from...
338
00:15:16,390 --> 00:15:18,499
Lisa Simpson."
339
00:15:18,650 --> 00:15:21,335
I just... I-I mean, I never thought...
340
00:15:21,412 --> 00:15:23,228
In my defense...
341
00:15:23,414 --> 00:15:24,897
Oh, boy.
342
00:15:24,899 --> 00:15:26,231
We had a good thing going here,
343
00:15:26,233 --> 00:15:29,510
but you just had to come and Lisa it up.
344
00:15:34,224 --> 00:15:35,482
I didn't know Senior Services
345
00:15:35,559 --> 00:15:36,650
would take Dad away.
346
00:15:36,986 --> 00:15:39,227
I called them when I thought
you were horrible at this,
347
00:15:39,229 --> 00:15:41,062
and not just occasionally good
348
00:15:41,139 --> 00:15:42,472
but still problematic.
349
00:15:42,491 --> 00:15:44,232
You want to hear
something really problem?
350
00:15:44,384 --> 00:15:46,401
We may never see our father again,
351
00:15:46,403 --> 00:15:49,663
and he was doing way better here
than at the retirement home.
352
00:15:49,740 --> 00:15:51,072
All these guys are.
353
00:15:51,149 --> 00:15:54,484
Yeah, Bart treats us
with dignity and empathy.
354
00:15:54,561 --> 00:15:57,245
Those are the two other
strippers who drop by sometimes.
355
00:15:57,247 --> 00:15:59,822
Okay, but you still
stole from these guys,
356
00:15:59,900 --> 00:16:01,066
and from me.
357
00:16:01,235 --> 00:16:04,219
I only took the money
required for their needs.
358
00:16:06,164 --> 00:16:07,405
A Camaro?
359
00:16:07,407 --> 00:16:08,907
I wanted to get an electric bike,
360
00:16:08,925 --> 00:16:10,517
but the guys insisted.
361
00:16:10,594 --> 00:16:11,595
He lets us wax it.
362
00:16:11,669 --> 00:16:14,003
It is as red as the planet Arrakis.
363
00:16:14,081 --> 00:16:15,247
Dune reference.
364
00:16:15,265 --> 00:16:18,083
Bart drives us around
till we fall asleep.
365
00:16:18,085 --> 00:16:19,133
[GROANS]
366
00:16:19,177 --> 00:16:20,935
Yes, I'd like to withdraw my complaint
367
00:16:21,012 --> 00:16:23,196
about my father's living conditions.
368
00:16:23,273 --> 00:16:24,698
His name is Homer Simpson.
369
00:16:24,775 --> 00:16:27,275
[BUREAUCRAT] I'm sorry, ma'am.
If I may read
370
00:16:27,427 --> 00:16:30,037
from the Elder Care Regulations:
"no backsies."
371
00:16:30,113 --> 00:16:33,782
Your father is currently
being transported to...
372
00:16:34,117 --> 00:16:36,209
- Florida.
- [ALL GASP]
373
00:16:36,211 --> 00:16:38,712
No! That's become
a maximum-security prison
374
00:16:38,714 --> 00:16:40,105
for old folks.
375
00:16:40,107 --> 00:16:41,715
The old men are all kept here.
376
00:16:41,792 --> 00:16:45,443
Climate change really
sagged out the panhandle.
377
00:16:45,445 --> 00:16:46,994
No one ever gets out of there.
378
00:16:47,072 --> 00:16:48,204
What are we going to do?
379
00:16:48,282 --> 00:16:50,448
I don't know. Give me space to think.
380
00:16:50,450 --> 00:16:52,375
- Think!
- Think, Lisa!
381
00:16:52,377 --> 00:16:54,394
Just cut out all distractions and think.
382
00:16:54,471 --> 00:16:55,562
Think faster! Think now!
383
00:16:55,789 --> 00:16:57,064
Use your brain and think!
Are you thinking?
384
00:16:57,066 --> 00:16:58,807
[SCREAMS]
385
00:16:59,050 --> 00:17:01,777
- CARL: Think! Think! Think!
- COMIC BOOK GUY: Think-think-think-think-think!
386
00:17:02,796 --> 00:17:04,071
[SIGHS]
387
00:17:04,073 --> 00:17:06,907
There's got to be some
way to get Dad back.
388
00:17:06,983 --> 00:17:08,116
[GROANS]
389
00:17:09,653 --> 00:17:11,394
Ugh, why would he keep this?
390
00:17:11,471 --> 00:17:13,413
Does he think it's still cool?
391
00:17:14,491 --> 00:17:17,584
- This is Mom's handwriting. And phrasing.
- _
392
00:17:18,312 --> 00:17:21,146
"Marge Simpson Emotional Will?"
393
00:17:21,148 --> 00:17:23,590
[GASPS] No one has ever seen this.
394
00:17:23,592 --> 00:17:27,243
Homer, in the very unlikely circumstance
395
00:17:27,321 --> 00:17:28,762
that I die before you,
396
00:17:28,764 --> 00:17:30,839
please know that I'll always be there,
397
00:17:30,915 --> 00:17:32,841
in the sizzle of your bacon,
398
00:17:32,843 --> 00:17:34,417
the bubble of your beer
399
00:17:34,436 --> 00:17:36,419
and in all the other things
that will kill you
400
00:17:36,496 --> 00:17:38,271
so that we can be together again.
401
00:17:38,348 --> 00:17:40,423
Maggie, my little chatterbox,
402
00:17:40,500 --> 00:17:41,833
I hope you achieved your goal
403
00:17:41,852 --> 00:17:44,778
of becoming an auctioneer
for farm equipment.
404
00:17:44,780 --> 00:17:46,171
She did.
405
00:17:46,189 --> 00:17:47,614
And Bart and Lisa,
406
00:17:47,616 --> 00:17:51,009
many years ago,
I told you both to lean on each other
407
00:17:51,011 --> 00:17:53,769
and not drift apart. My dearest hope
408
00:17:53,847 --> 00:17:55,771
is that you're looking out
for each other
409
00:17:55,849 --> 00:17:59,367
and sharing a lifelong journey together.
410
00:17:59,444 --> 00:18:01,611
We didn't do any of that stuff.
411
00:18:01,630 --> 00:18:04,539
Because I suck. [CRIES]
412
00:18:04,616 --> 00:18:06,299
We both suck.
413
00:18:06,376 --> 00:18:09,194
You really have done a
good job with these guys.
414
00:18:09,196 --> 00:18:11,120
And yes, you bought a fancy car,
415
00:18:11,198 --> 00:18:14,266
but I suppose it's okay
to splurge on one thing.
416
00:18:14,267 --> 00:18:16,248
_
417
00:18:17,871 --> 00:18:19,704
You know what? Mom may be gone,
418
00:18:19,706 --> 00:18:22,315
but we can still make
her wishes come true
419
00:18:22,467 --> 00:18:26,302
by collaborating on a
surgical extraction operation.
420
00:18:26,321 --> 00:18:29,472
- Huh?
- A kick-ass rescue mission.
421
00:18:29,474 --> 00:18:30,498
Huh!
422
00:18:30,550 --> 00:18:32,325
["JAILBREAK" BY THIN LIZZY PLAYING]
423
00:18:32,477 --> 00:18:34,903
♪ Tonight,
there's gonna be a jailbreak... ♪
424
00:18:34,979 --> 00:18:37,755
Can you turn down the music?
425
00:18:37,757 --> 00:18:40,575
No can do.
Rocking tunes help me haul ass.
426
00:18:40,652 --> 00:18:43,061
♪ Tonight,
Bart's gonna do a Dad-break ♪
427
00:18:43,079 --> 00:18:44,987
♪ So don't you be around... ♪
428
00:18:45,065 --> 00:18:46,798
[GASPS] There they are.
429
00:18:50,328 --> 00:18:51,994
- Dad! Dad!
- Dad! Dad!
430
00:18:52,014 --> 00:18:54,239
- It's us!
- It's your kids!
431
00:18:54,241 --> 00:18:55,573
Hi, Bart and Lisa.
432
00:18:55,592 --> 00:18:59,001
I'm getting a free bus
ride because I'm smart.
433
00:18:59,079 --> 00:19:02,838
Don't wave at them.
They might be escaped prisoners.
434
00:19:02,858 --> 00:19:04,582
Oh, Gladys, that's ridiculous.
435
00:19:04,584 --> 00:19:07,769
♪ Tonight,
there's gonna be a jailbreak. ♪
436
00:19:07,845 --> 00:19:08,937
[ALL SCREAMING]
437
00:19:09,013 --> 00:19:10,697
Step on it!
438
00:19:13,305 --> 00:19:14,702
_
439
00:19:14,703 --> 00:19:18,246
Once they cross over the state line,
we'll never see Dad again.
440
00:19:19,708 --> 00:19:22,434
Bart, remember our favorite
Itchy and Scratchy?
441
00:19:22,436 --> 00:19:23,952
You mean the one where Itchy reanimates
442
00:19:23,954 --> 00:19:25,453
the corpse of Ty Cobb so he can slide
443
00:19:25,530 --> 00:19:27,214
spikes-first into Scratchy's face?
444
00:19:27,365 --> 00:19:29,274
No, our other favorite.
445
00:19:29,276 --> 00:19:31,009
Right. Let's do it.
446
00:19:35,873 --> 00:19:37,799
[WATER POURING]
447
00:19:37,875 --> 00:19:39,142
[WATER POURING GETS LOUDER]
448
00:19:41,913 --> 00:19:43,746
- Pull over, I gotta go!
- Pull over!
449
00:19:43,823 --> 00:19:46,641
- Potty emergency!
- I can't hold it, I gotta take a leak!
450
00:19:46,643 --> 00:19:49,644
Now, just hold it in, pallies.
We're almost there.
451
00:19:49,646 --> 00:19:51,254
[CHANTING] We've gotta whiz!
452
00:19:51,331 --> 00:19:53,331
Whiz!
453
00:19:53,333 --> 00:19:54,591
[YELPS]
454
00:19:55,207 --> 00:19:57,362
_
455
00:19:57,929 --> 00:19:59,470
[GROANING]
456
00:20:00,414 --> 00:20:02,840
[HOMER WHIMPERING] Ah...
457
00:20:02,917 --> 00:20:04,517
[ITCHY AND SCRATCHY THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
458
00:20:07,271 --> 00:20:08,271
[POPPING NOISE]
459
00:20:08,273 --> 00:20:10,148
[YELPING]
460
00:20:12,185 --> 00:20:14,093
[HOMER GRUNTS]
461
00:20:14,112 --> 00:20:15,094
- [BART LAUGHS]
- Yay!
462
00:20:15,113 --> 00:20:16,279
- We saved him!
- We saved him!
463
00:20:16,356 --> 00:20:19,023
Whoo-hoo! Oh, yeah! We did save him!
464
00:20:19,100 --> 00:20:20,158
Who him?
465
00:20:21,286 --> 00:20:24,011
[HOMER] Also, I still need to pee.
466
00:20:24,030 --> 00:20:25,096
Actually, no, I'm fine.
467
00:20:26,532 --> 00:20:29,200
It's so good to have you home, Dad.
468
00:20:29,202 --> 00:20:30,293
And we're just in time to watch
469
00:20:30,295 --> 00:20:32,503
the new Itchy and Scratchy reboot.
470
00:20:33,539 --> 00:20:34,397
♪ They fight, uh-huh ♪
471
00:20:34,448 --> 00:20:36,023
♪ And bite, whoo ♪
472
00:20:36,025 --> 00:20:38,117
♪ Just like they did before, okay ♪
473
00:20:38,194 --> 00:20:40,027
♪ Fight, fight, fight, like before ♪
474
00:20:40,029 --> 00:20:42,138
♪ The Itchy and Scratchy reboot ♪
475
00:20:42,215 --> 00:20:44,390
♪ Yeah, boy! ♪
476
00:20:46,035 --> 00:20:49,036
I'm just so happy
my kids are close again.
477
00:20:49,038 --> 00:20:51,964
Luv, we'll be late
for the heaven buffet.
478
00:20:51,966 --> 00:20:53,483
There's a shrimp tower.
479
00:20:53,485 --> 00:20:56,043
Okay, Ringo. And I'm just so glad
480
00:20:56,045 --> 00:20:58,896
we're allowed to marry
different people in heaven.
481
00:21:12,319 --> 00:21:14,128
♪
482
00:21:52,193 --> 00:21:53,226
Shh!
483
00:21:56,260 --> 00:21:59,210
- synced and corrected by sot26 -
www.addic7ed.com
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