Original subtitles

Lookout Man 1: Oh, no. They're coming.

Lookout Man 2: Can I see? Lookout Man 1: No, it's mine.

I brought it from home. Get away from me.

OK, OK, yes, the rumors are true.

The Erotes are coming. Do not panic.

Why would cupids make us panic?

They're called Erotes, Joshua.

Why do you want to call them "cupids"?

Because they're stupid cute!

Aww! No, don't

"aww" in agreement. They're not cute.

This is a serious emergency!

You said not to panic!

Well, you over-corrected, Scott.

You know, there's not just two levels of panic.

There's 8! An Erote arrow will

make you fall madly, insanely in love

with whoever you're looking at at the time.

Not necessarily

your husband or girlfriend or whoever.

It could be a total stranger!

No, you'll be so in love with this person

who just happened to be in front of you,

you'll temporarily forget your job,

your spouse, your whole life!

You won't be cheering if you

end up falling in love with a relative!

OK, that was a

nonzero amount of cheering.

Have we not learned that sex with relatives is bad?

We did a whole public-service mural about it.

The mural is confusing.

How are we supposed to know they're related?

They have the same nose!

Look, if you want to get shot by deranged babies,

I can't stop you. But I can't let you destroy

the social fabric of our city.

Therefore, I am forced to

declare this week "Love Week."

And since everyone knows Weeks have rules,

that's what makes a Week a Week--

the first rule of Love Week

will be: "no hard feelings."

Anyone with hard feelings will be imprisoned.

Donna, our relationship counselor, will be working

overtime to pick up the pieces of your shattered marriages

and shattered extramarital affairs.

Hello. Anyone who doesn't

want to get hit, stay indoors, or get ready to have your

lives turned upside down.

Lookout Man 2: Ooh!

Lookout Man 1: I've been on lookout my whole life

and I never spotted what was right in front of me.

Lookout Man 2: I did... I did.

♪ Huh ♪

♪ Huh huh ♪

♪ Huh huh huh ♪

♪ Whoo! ♪

Hey, look!

Shoot me, baby! Shoot me!

Oh!

I love you! We'll figure it out!

I mean, I gotta tell my wife...

No, it's fine.

I fell in love, too!

I keep telling you I'm a hermit.

I'm very, very sick.

I can change him.

Tyrannis, what's different about you? Did you get shorter?

Could you mean that I'm sitting in a basket and wearing a bowl on my head?

Hmm... no, I definitely think you got shorter.

This is for protection.

I don't want to get hit with one of those arrows.

Understandable.

You've had more than your share of

one-sided relationships and unrequited love,

including the magically induced kind.

Has he? Sometimes I feel like no one

in this family pays attention when I say

I don't pay attention to anyone in this family.

I can see you not wanting to get love-struck,

but why not get out there and let

someone else fall in love with you?

Because that's cheating.

Everyone knows you don't try to

love-trap someone during Love Week.

Besides, it's fake love.

I want the real thing,

and Donna says I deserve it.

Yes, but sometimes it sticks.

I know several couples who started off

being shot by a flying baby.

Why aren't you out there, then?

Seems like sticking to strangers

is kind of "your thing."

Oh, this is amateur hour.

Right. No place for a couple of

super smash bros like ourselves.

And I'll have you know,

I have a lot of "things" that aren't sex.

Name one. Drinking doesn't count.

Don't listen to him.

He's just upset because he got shorter.

Your father and I are full of "things."

Passions, even.

That's why we're off to our

sexless cabin for the night.

King Ty, there's a reporter outside asking to talk to you.

I don't talk to the press unless they promise

not to draw me crying. I don't cry that much!

And when I do, the tears don't spray out

like they're always drawing it.

It's just that one reporter from "Ice Week."

Tina? Tina's here?

That lady you got a huge crush on?

It's not a "huge crush."

We had some chemistry.

Some chemistry? You told me you'd do

anything to be with her.

Yeah, you sent that messenger

to go tell her, "Thinking of you every night

"just kidding just kidding but

how are you haha just kidding."

Well, maybe this is her finally responding.

Tell her, "New messenger who's this just kidding

rolling on the decorative mosaic laughing be right out."

Whoa, you got one of their arrows?

Yeah, I want to study this stuff.

If I can harness this technology, we can do

so much beyond just arrows.

Bombs that cause happiness,

smoke that causes fear...

Can we infect cats to make them

a little more silly and a little less evil?

Because something real bad is going on with those things.

Sure. Now, stand back.

This requires a very gentle touch.

Ahem.

Hippo, are you OK?

This is gonna sound absurd to you,

but I am in love with this bowl.

What? What's so special about this bowl?

I don't know. There's nothing special

about it, but I love it.

It's the weirdest thing. It's just a stupid bowl.

Don't you dare call this

gorgeous perfect bowl stupid.

Oh, no. We both touched the juice.

Now we're both in love with the bowl.

Ut-oh!

Thank you for indulging me in a little trot.

I feel it's the ideal start to a relaxing, sexless retreat.

Oh, I don't mind it at all.

It's more scenic and you don't get

as many bugs in your teeth.

Do you think the kids are right?

Are we such passionate lovers

that we have no other passions?

Oh, no. What is going on?

Well, it sounds like a stampede.

And if it is... I'm joining in!

Shlub, where are you going?!

I don't know. It's a stampede.

My horse parts are in charge now.

It's like when I get spooked,

which famously happens to me--

one of my main characteristics,

getting spooked!

Man O'Horse: Who are you and where did you come from?

I'm Shlub. I'm on my way with my wife

to a sexless cabin, but I simply cannot pass up a stampede.

Man O'Horse: Sexless? With those haunches?

It's not what you think. We have plenty of sex.

So much so that we force ourselves to take breaks.

It brings us closer on an emotional level,

and gives the troops time to reload the cannons.

Man O'Horse: Whoa!

It's over? Already!

I could go on all day.

We have a winner! The mantitaur who joined

halfway through the race!

Winner?

What the hell is he talking about?

Man O'Horse: That was a competitive stampede

back there, and you beat me.

You beat the great Man O'Horse.

Darling, I have never seen anything move so fast!

Wow! I've never had anything

other than sex and drinking that I was any good at,

but this, this winning feeling?

It's amazing.

Man O'Horse: You're telling me that you're

on your way to a sexless cabin

while in the same breath talking about

how much sex you have? Buddy, it's confusing.

But one thing that isn't confusing--your talent.

I want a rematch.

Would you mind, my darling, if we

put off our getaway so I can explore this

recently discovered competitive instinct?

As far as I can tell, it's also sexless.

Mind? I think you have to!

This could be your thing, your--your other passion!

And I can't believe I'm saying this, but it was

thrilling to be on the sidelines.

You see, usually I'm the star of this little show.

Man O'Horse: Lady, I don't need to hear your life story.

Oh! Sidelined once again!

Ooh, what a silly new feeling!

Tina! What brings you here?

Work, what else? Life of a reporter.

Ah, so you're here

to do a story about the Erotes.

Yeah, can I get a quote? Something that can be

boiled down to a couple stick drawings?

We're doing what we can to protect ourselves,

and I'll be relieved to see them go.

Hmm. OK. I see this as

a bigger story about the whole idea of romantic love.

Like, what even is it?

One minute you're living your life.

The next minute you're devoting yourself

to someone else? It makes no logical sense.

Are you saying you're not even

open to the possibility of love?

I don't have time for it.

I'm too serious about my career.

But what I'm gonna do is fall in love for my story.

I'm gonna get shot by an Erote and write about how it feels.

Oh? Do you have anyone in mind?

I'll fall for whoever, I guess.

I mean, that's the experience, right?

The temporary sensation of love with a total stranger?

Sure, sounds like a great story,

for you and that total stranger.

Well, next time you see me, I'll be in love.

Yup. Happy hunting. Oh,

did you get that quote you wanted?

Sure! Ty, what are you doing?

"Nobody should be alone during Love Week."

Follow her! What?

Just admit it. You want to be

the guy she falls in love with.

Trust me, I'm an empath.

Yes, I do want her to fall in love

with me, but not like this.

Not as some assignment for a story

and it's gonna wear off anyway.

Sometimes it sticks.

And you'll never forgive yourself

if it sticks with someone else.

Trust me, I'm a licensed astrologist.

Unless you think astrology is fake,

in which case, I'm a licensed healer.

But wouldn't it be a little unethical?

How so? Well...

If you can't articulate it,

I'd say it's a grey area.

A grey area. Hmm.

Could you say that a little more officially?

It's officially

a grey area. Trust me, I--

The more you say "trust me," the less I do.

Thank you! I'm off to put myself

in front of the woman who's planning to

fall in love with whoever happens to be

in front of her at the time.

It's a grey area, which means it's OK!

Grandma, how come you don't

want to get hit with a love arrow?

Well, little one,

after your grandfather died,

I knew then and there I would--

Oh! Get off me!

Hey, you there!

Come give Grams a kissy! Young man: Ahhh!

Grammy, no, that's Dad! He's your son!

Look at that nose! Oh, yeah!

Hey there, how goes the story?

Have you decided who you're gonna fall in love with yet?

Well, it'll just be whoever I'm looking at

when I get hit, right? Although the babies

seem to be avoiding me.

I must be giving off a "career girl" vibe.

Should I giggle? I can't pull it off.

I hear they're attracted to red.

Oh, good tip. How much for this?

Never you mind. I'll pay for it.

But make sure you watch me pay for it.

I'm adorable when I pay for these things.

Uhh!

King Ty, I never noticed your eyes.

Not now. Oh, what is this fruit?

That's a-- Cantaloupe.

Calabash. These beautiful fruits

are native to Krapopolis. Sailors brought 'em.

Didn't recognize the language.

And they're delicious raw.

They are poisonous raw.

Don't overrule me, Helen.

I didn't even

think you knew my name!

I don't think your third nipple is a story per se.

Mine gives milk, though.

Uhh! Sorry.

I thought he was attacking you.

Are you OK? Yeah.

And--Oh, wow. Ty!

What is this feeling? I think...

I may be in love with you!

I guess my story's gonna be about us.

That beats my drippy nippy?

We need to be logical about this.

We both know we touched the juice, and

that's what's causing these surging emotions.

Well, I don't want to fight you

for it because I'll kill you.

And I don't want to outsmart you for it

because I'll also kill you.

But look, whatever we do, we obviously

can't let a bowl get between us.

Obviously. You're my brother.

Exactly!

Maybe it will help if we turn away from it.

I hate not being able to see it, though!

Hey, you tricked me!

I didn't trick you!

B-Bowl came to me.

My whole body is rippling with anticipation.

I'm competitive, Deliria. Isn't that amazing?

I care if I win!

So do I. The better you do,

the more I'm able to influence people

by using my association with you as a platform.

You wouldn't believe how many people have asked me

about this hat since I sat down.

Man O'Horse: You're going down, Pony Boy.

Get ready to eat my dust.

And whatever else falls behind me.

Ha ha! I just trash talked!

Centaurs, on your marks!

Get set! Loud noise!

I think this is better than sex!

Wow, this is incredible.

I'd never realized how effervescent your olive skin

looks in the afternoon sun.

Wow, I guess that arrow

really does its thing, huh?

No! I mean, well, yeah, I know

intellectually your skin is average at best,

but I'm just seeing it differently--you differently--

and, honestly? It's awesome.

It feels good!

I wish this could last forever!

Yes, well, I hear sometimes

it does stick, apparently.

I hope it does! Or, I don't know,

I guess that's just the arrow talking.

But who cares if it is?

I love this feeling! I love love!

Come on, let's do love stuff for the story!

Love stuff, for the story!

Your slurping sounds cute.

What do you think? 4 dogs?

And we give them funny voices?

Pretend they can talk?

I could scratch your back for hours

and never complain about it.

I'm obsessed with cataloguing our life together.

Can you put underneath, "Two souls, one journey.

One day down with this goober, a lifetime to go."

I do not know how to draw that.

This is the part where I want us to have pet names.

I'll call you Typhoon!

I'll call you... Tina!

I love it.

The part where we're comfortable

in each other's silence.

Me meeting your friends.

You guys, Typhoon and I were walking in the park

and he saw this long blade of grass and said, "Green much?"

I don't get it.

Oh, my God, our first inside joke.

This has been the craziest

few minutes of my life.

Your gifts for Bowl are so

embarrassing and stupid!

You're making it do work!

It isn't work for Bowl

to have stuff in Bowl.

That's natural for Bowl.

What do you know about bowls, anyway?

I know I don't need one

on my head to breathe.

You think that's an insult, but I think

that shows how much better suited

Bowl and I are for each other.

So we come from different worlds.

We can easily overcome that.

You know damn well if Bowl could talk,

Bowl would choose me. Why?

'Cause I'm hotter!

You wanna make it personal, cyclops?

I'm proud of my heritage,

you sanctimonious fish-head!

So am I, dumbass! Idiot!

Double dumbass!

Hippocampus and Stupendous: Whew!

What are you doing?! Why would you do that?!

Stupendous and Hippocampus: Bowl!

♪ Cats! ♪

Typhoony? Yes, Tina?

I know this started as--is

a chemically induced mania, but it feels so real!

Real love works the same way, so it's,

in some ways, you could say,

very much a grey area

and there's essentially no difference.

You're totally right!

I love the way you think about things.

And I love you! Ty--will you marry me?

Oh, wow! Uh, but, uh, of course,

knowing that the reason you're feeling this way is--

Yeah, I'm a grown-up, Ty!

Are you gonna say no?!

No! I mean--yes!

No, I'm not gonna--Yes! Yes!

He said yes!

Bard, will you stop tuning that damn thing

and play a wedding song?

This one is timeless.

Marriage. The timeless tradition

where two parents who were disappointed

they had a daughter in the first place

hand her off to a man

in exchange for one to 3 goats.

Scott, we've decided not to go traditional.

We wrote our own vows.

Tina, I love you. I love you, too.

And it's real, the love.

I mean, we've agreed it doesn't matter

that it's cupid magic. You know it is.

You decided to get hit by an arrow,

and you're making this choice freely as well, you said.

Yes! Right, yes.

This has been gone over, everybody knows it,

and it's clear. Just triple-checking.

Those were my vows. Great.

Now do you two take each other

to be husband and wife?

I object!

I'm in love with you, Ty!

I was there when you were

trying to love-trap this skank

and I ended up getting hit by an arrow, too.

OK, love-trap is going a bit far.

And skank! Right, right.

Helen's objection is fake because it just came

from an arrow. So, let's move on.

OK, I now pronounce you--

I object, too! I object!

I'm sorry. By law

I have to hear all objections.

OK, you with the bird.

Hi. Charlie, 25, I love you.

I saw you guys having your picnic and I got hit.

I love you so much, Ty! Hi.

Put me down for an objection, too.

You're all I think about, man. I got it bad.

Oh, my God, these guys

think they're in love with you, too!

Oh, my God, these guys think they're in love with you, too.

OK, so, without further ado...

Actually, Scott... I object.

What? Tina, I wanted you

to fall in love with me for real,

but instead I took a shortcut.

And the truth is, I love you too much

to let you go through with this.

Wait, you're dumping me?

Y-yes, but I'll love you as long as you live!

Ya hear that? The only thing standing

between us and him is her!

Kill Tina!

OK, maybe not the best choice of words.

Hey! I didn't realize

I was in the seniors' race!

Man O'Horse: You're in my lane, old man!

Wrong. You're in mine!

Man O'Horse: My leg!

Oh, no, what have I become?

How did a lion fall in love with me?!

Come on, what's this really going to solve?

The problem of Tina being alive!

You loving someone who's not me!

Umm... Has it worn off

for you, too? Yeah.

It's just a bowl.

So, those horrible things

we said to each other... I have an idea.

What if we don't dwell on that too much?

I would love that. I heard a crash.

Everything all right? Oh, what a shame.

I loved that bowl.

So did we, Kolax. So did we.

OK.

Shlub, you did it!

First place!

Man O'Horse: Aah! Yeah, I won,

but I gotta tell you, I don't feel great.

Man O'Horse: I knew you were

a bastard. You broke my leg!

Yeah, that's why I don't feel great.

Man O'Horse: Well, you shouldn't.

I don't. I just said I don't.

My competitive side made me into a monster,

and I'm an actual monster, so, if I say that,

I don't say it lightly.

Would you be upset if I

didn't want to race anymore?

Darling, of course not.

I thought it was sexy when you liked winning,

but I don't have the patience to support a tortured man.

Maybe going sexless isn't for us.

Man O'Horse: That's the lesson you've learned? Unbelievable.

You know they're gonna kill me, right?

I can't race anymore. They're gonna kill me.

This is the worst way I can go.

Shall we go and ruin our sexless cabin?

Every room.

We should be safe in here.

This door was built specifically

with angry mobs in mind.

So... maybe not in love with me anymore?

Nope, the fear kicked it right out of me.

So, you... made sure you were the one I fell in love with

because you want to date me?

Every word of that is accurate.

Even knowing it eventually wears off?

Sometimes it sticks.

I guess this is flattering...

Yes! in a weird,

sorta gross way... Well...

and I was looking for a story...

Do you think in the story, you could

make me... not pathetic?

Who's buying that vase? You know what, though?

I get the appeal of this whole love thing now.

You do? Yeah, conceptually.

But it kinda makes you dumb and it definitely

causes more trouble than it's worth.

Yeah, that juice ain't worth the squeeze.

I am kinda curious now, though, about just dating,

like without the stupid love stuff.

Maybe the next time I'm in town, you can ask me to dinner

instead of continually trying to

trick me into being with you.

Ask someone to dinner... huh!

Hey, Tina... when this is all over, would you

maybe wanna get dinner with me?

I said next time. Yes, of course.

And I said maybe. Yeah, I regretted it

as soon as I asked.

I have good news-- Tina and I aren't happening.

So, I'm here for you, my beautiful citizens.

Hi, Charlie, 25, you know what?

It's starting to wear off.

Yeah, were you always this short?

I still love you, Ty.

You're not a person to me, Scott.

Whoa, whoa, easy there! You got this.

Man O'Horse: Got what, Donna?! What do you mean?

Man O'Horse: You don't have to sugarcube it.

You're gonna kill me. Kill you?

Man O'Horse: They kill horses who can't run!

Horses, maybe, but you're not a horse.

You're one thing more than just a horse.

Man O'Horse: OK, fine. But I'm a racer, Donna,

a stampeder!

I don't even know what I am without that!

Then maybe it's time to find out.

Have you never thought about what you'd do

if you weren't a stampeder?

Man O'Horse: Well, sure I have, but--

Tell me.

Man O'Horse: I wanted kids. Never had the time for it.

I guess I spent so much time running... maybe I was--

Running away from yourself?

Close your eyes. Picture it.

Your life--as a father.

Man O'Horse: I can hear them. Clip-clopping down the hall.

I've got so much living to do, Donna!

That's right, Man O'Horse!

Uhh... ooh, there's no cure for centaur flu.

Man O'Horse: Just make it quick.

I don't know how.