Original subtitles

60th percentile for height,

50th for weight.

Everything looks right on target.

Um, where are we with teething?

Because she's about 90th percentile for screaming.

Oh, she ain't been that bad.

Oh, really? You don't hear it all the way at work?

Kids can teethe up until their third birthday.

Okay, now I may cry.

Come on, we're halfway there.

Hey, we're complaining here, all right?

Get in the boat.

I'm telling you, you're gonna miss this.

Before you know it,

she's gonna be rolling her eyes

and thinking everything you say is dumb.

Ugh.

Like that.

You two thinking about having another one?

- Definitely. - Maybe.

Uh-oh.

You really don't want to have more kids?

I don't know. Probably... someday.

You don't want CeeCee to have a little brother or sister?

I don't know. Probably someday.

Well, if you want them to be friends,

that someday needs to be someday soon.

Says who?

Come on, there's a big gap

between me and Sheldon and Missy.

There's a big gap between you and your brother.

Me and Connor are good.

You barely talk.

Which is why we're good.

I thought we were on the same page with this.

Why? I never said I was ready to have another baby.

Well, you weren't ready to have CeeCee,

and she turned out great.

Hey, and word on the street is,

I, too, was an unexpected blessing.

Look, of course I love CeeCee.

She's the best, and you...

have your moments.

But having another kid is a big decision.

Fine. You're right.

Maybe I shouldn't have just assumed you were on board.

Thank you.

This is something we should talk about.

Agreed.

I'm ready to have another kid.

Yeah, well, uh, too bad.

We're back.

Hey. How was the doctor?

CeeCee's perfect and Mandy don't want another kid.

That is not what I said.

Great, let's go to the bedroom and get to work.

Fat chance.

Y'all are happy you had two kids, right?

Of course. Eh.

Jim.

What, you want me to lie?

You love both our children very much.

Sure.

Jim.

I said sure.

Oh, come on, don't you want a grandson someday?

Somebody to play catch with?

Hey. Do not drag him into this.

Yeah, please don't.

Look, I just got to fill in at the station.

There's a good chance they're gonna call again.

Now is not the time

to be rolling around like a beach ball.

Fair point. Thank you.

Took you forever to lose that baby weight.

Again, thank you.

You don't have to decide this right away.

You're both young.

Well, I'm young.

Say it again.

He's so young he don't even know what he's saying.

No, I know exactly what I'm saying.

Dude, I'm trying to help you.

Let me help. I made the baby,

the perfect baby, that's the baby.

Excuse me, but we made a baby.

Oh, dude.

You got anything to donate to the church?

Don't think so.

All right.

I'm getting rid of some of CeeCee's stuff

she don't fit in no more.

Okay.

Remember this one with the little footies?

So precious.

I know what you're doing.

What? I'm just remembering how cute my daughter was

when she was a baby.

She's still a baby.

Well, not this size of a baby.

Okay, stop trying to guilt me.

How 'bout this?

Why don't we just put it in God's hands

and see what happens?

Put it in your own hands. That's what's gonna happen.

Look at this.

Guy at table two gave me

50 cents and his phone number.

Am I really not even worth paper money?

- You gonna call him? - Ha-ha.

Probably.

Hey, can I ask you a personal question?

Sure.

You're happy just having one kid, right?

One kid, no husband.

50 cents burning a hole in my pocket.

So happy.

Georgie's pestering me to have another baby.

You don't want another one?

Well, not right now.

Well, then do what I did with my ex.

I told him we were trying,

but I was secretly still on birth control.

And, uh, this is the ex-husband

that ended up having a baby with another woman?

You know what? Here's a quarter.

Go call someone else for advice.

This is the last batch.

Judas Priest.

How many checks are there?

If you'd let me sign your name, you wouldn't have to do this.

It's fine.

You don't trust me?

Of course I trust you.

So let me sign your name.

No.

Oh, there you are.

Hey. What brings you by?

I've got baby clothes to donate.

I thought you were gonna hold on to some of these,

just in case.

So did I.

What's going on?

Nothing. Just some stuff with Mandy.

You know, marriage counseling

is one of the services I provide.

Good to know.

Or you could just talk to your mother.

Door's open 24/7.

If I may,

the boy might be more comfortable talking to...

another man.

What can he tell you that he can't tell me?

Could be bedroom related.

Yeah, he's gonna talk to you about his bedroom problems.

I ain't got no bedroom problems.

It's just me and Mandy are fighting about having more kids.

That is a common issue with young couples.

Y-Your father and I had our struggles with it.

Which I counseled you through.

Sure you did.

Son, this is something I've dealt with

in my own marriage as well.

Your first marriage? Is that why she left you?

No, my-my current marriage.

Why did that first one leave?

That's not really relevant.

My dad always said she was too hot for you.

Hey. Selena may have been beautiful,

but she was not out of my league.

And there was a language barrier,

which was a grande problemo.

Well, I just wanted to thank you again

for letting me fill in for your weather girl last month.

No, I don't have an agent,

but I do have a RadioShack answering machine.

Okay, well, you've got my number.

I'm here, I still fit into my high school jeans

and I am not afraid to show a little cleavage.

No, thank you.

Hey.

What's going on?

Oh, I just got off the phone with the TV station.

Oh. They call?

A call was made. Move on.

They got work for you?

Not right this second, but I am at the top of their list,

so I probably shouldn't be making any...

big life changes.

Like getting pregnant?

Or a face tattoo, something like that.

You believe this?

Beer tastes better outside. Excuse me.

Look, this is something a lot of young couples face.

And I really think communication is key.

Where is this coming from?

Well, I was talking to Pastor Jeff and...

You told our business to Pastor Jeff?

Well, I didn't mean to. I meant to tell my mom and...

You told your mom, too?!

Your parents know!

'Cause you told them!

'Cause I'm good at communicating!

Georgie...

I don't want to have another kid right now.

Well, when? I don't know!

But someday?

I don't know!

So maybe not someday?

Maybe not.

Well, what if I'm not okay with that?

Well, too bad, it's my decision.

Once again, it's our decision!

Oop, I thought you were done.

You're in bed early.

Yeah, well, you know us old people.

Oh, come on, I didn't mean that.

I'm real sorry.

You want me to sleep on the couch?

No. You can stay.

You sure?

Yeah.

Thank you.

Little warm in here.

That's better.

I really am sorry about what I said before.

Which part?

Well, having another kid is your decision.

It's your body and I support that.

Thank you.

Love you.

Love you, too.

Man, it's still hot in here.

Oh, you've got to be kidding me.

I was hot.

And so are you, by the way.

Back on the couch again, eh?

Shut up.

Dave Coulier's on tonight.

Gonna be a good one.

What's wrong?

Little stiff. Slept on the couch last night.

Again?

First year's the hardest. Everyone knows that.

Well, you're welcome to stay here.

Appreciate it.

You could have brought my granddaughter,

but there's always next time.

I don't get it. CeeCee's wonderful.

Why wouldn't she want more of that?

Missy was wonderful at that age, too.

Now I'm contemplating an exorcism.

You don't know what's gonna happen.

When I got pregnant the second time

and it was twins?

That was a lot.

Eh, twins don't sound so bad.

Although, one of them was Sheldon.

Sheldon was a gift from God.

A difficult gift from God.

Hey, what are the odds of me having a genius?

Your father had one.

He's gone now.

You can tell me the truth.

Is Sheldon really his?

Georgie Cooper.

Well, Sheldon's smart, tall and thin.

It ain't a crazy question.

He has a twin sister.

And that's the perfect cover.

Need a hand?

Oh, you could help me set the table.

On it. Forks on the right, knives on the left.

Nope. On it.

Will Georgie be back for dinner?

I don't know.

Will he be back ever?

Of course he will.

Well, when?

When he stops trying to inseminate me.

You know, I read an article where women in their 30s

are starting to freeze their eggs.

Huh. Well, if you're gonna do that,

would you mind using the garage freezer?

I don't want your eggs next to my ice cream.

Okay, can we please stop talking about my eggs?

I'd like that.

Just want you to know I'm on your side.

So, if I never have another kid,

you're okay with that?

Well, let's not be throwing "never" around.

I vote for more kids.

My uterus is not a democracy.

Pretty touchy.

We sure she's not already pregnant?

Thanks for dinner.

'Course.

I'm grateful one of my kids still wants to eat with me.

That's why I want a bunch. Up my odds.

Well, we can pray on it.

I-I don't know. God only had one kid.

He'll probably take Mandy's side.

Cooper residence.

Oh, hi. Yes, he's still here.

You know, if you and Georgie need to talk,

I am happy to watch CeeCee.

Not the time? Okay.

It's for you.

Hi.

Are you planning on coming home tonight?

I don't know.

I don't really want to have another fight.

So, instead, you're gonna hide at your mommy's house?

You're at your mommy's house.

We live at my mommy's house!

And let's stop saying "mommy."

So you can decide what I'm allowed to say,

how many kids I can have.

Anything else you'd like to decide for me?

Yes. You're staying there tonight.

Great, 'cause my mom's making a pie,

and it smells delicious.

Do I have to make a pie now?

It... would keep me from being a liar.

You see Georgie, tell him we're running low on brake pads.

I'll take care of it.

Where is he?

I don't know. He'll be in soon.

You don't know where he is?

Did he not come home last night?

Did you not come home last night?

Mind your own business.

Aw, come on, my business is boring.

Hey.

Where were you last night?

You told him? No.

And yet I know.

You got anything better to do? No.

So where were you?

I was at my mom's.

Hmm. That means fight with the wife.

Go.

You doing all right?

I don't really want to talk about it.

Well, no one loves not talking about stuff more than me,

but, uh, I'm here, if you want.

I just feel like this is a life-changing decision

and my opinion don't matter.

Well, you can't push something like this.

There's a ticking clock.

I know.

I also know that Audrey didn't want a second kid

till Mandy went off to kindergarten.

Suddenly, the house was empty

and she couldn't keep her hands off me.

And then you had Connor.

Well, sometimes a ticking clock is attached to a bomb.

Hey.

Hello.

Can I ask you a weird question?

Kind of my thing, but go ahead.

Do you ever wish you were an only child?

Yes.

You were very mean to me.

Okay, well, not all the time.

When I was five, you told me hot peppers were candy.

We were kids.

What about the wedgie that twisted my testicles?

Okay, well, they had barely dropped yet.

Remember when you told me

if I jumped off the roof with an umbrella

I would float down?

Just remember the sound you made when you landed.

The sound was "snap" and it was my collarbone.

Hello.

Yes, this is she.

Absolutely I'm available.

No problem, I'll be there.

Who was that?

That was the news station.

They need me to fill in again.

That's great. I know.

Sorry I wasn't a better sister.

It's okay. It made me who I am today.

Don't make me feel worse.

Hey.

You look nice.

Thank you.

I was only gone one night.

You ain't going on a date, are you?

Very funny.

The station called, they need extra help tomorrow.

Oh, that's great. Congratulations.

Yep, see, if I were pregnant,

I wouldn't be able to do this.

I know, and I want you to have a career.

I just got a little freaked out

because I thought we were on the same page

about what we wanted in life.

Yeah, well, we probably should've talked about it

before we got married.

We can talk about it now.

Okay.

You start.

Okay. Well, I always thought

one day I would live in a big city.

Like Miami.

Miami?

What is wrong with Miami?

Well, for starters, it ain't in Texas.

Okay, a lot of places aren't in Texas.

Well, that's their problem.

So, you never want to move out of Texas?

No. Plus, in a city like Miami,

you ain't got no space.

Here, we can get a bunch of land,

have some horses...

Ugh, God, I hate horses.

What? How did I not know this?

'Cause we don't talk.

Okay, so we don't have horses.

We can have a bunch of dogs.

How about just one...

and it's a cat?

You're a cat person?

Meow.

Maybe talking was a bad idea.

Well, when you think about it,

not talking has really worked for us.

It has, hasn't it?

I can love you and not tell you stuff.

I love you because you don't tell me stuff.

Who knows, maybe one day

I'll change my mind about having kids.

So the door's open?

- Sure. - Great.

I think it's getting a little hot in here.

Oh, my God.

Come on.

And now, for a live look

at the storm, let's go to our correspondent

on the scene, Mandy McAllister.

Thank you, Heather.

It's really coming down out here.

There are flood warnings in effect for the whole county.

As you can see, this small pond

that I've been told to stand in...

is quickly filling up with cold, murky water.

She looks miserable.

We should record this.

I'm Mandy McAllister.

Stay off the roads,

stay inside, and...

That's a snake, that's a snake!

That is a big snake.