Original subtitles

Downloaded from YTS.MX

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(bell tolling)

(birds squawking)

(Sebastian humming)

(air horn blows)

- Feel like a swim, mm?

I'll race you to the other bridge.

(uneasy music)

How about that, eh?

- Let's go. Sebastian.

(Sebastian laughs)

Come on.

(uneasy music continues)

- Oh.

- Come on.

- [Speaker] There they are!

(speakers speaking indistinctly)

(Marla exclaims)

- Get on.

Come on. That's it now.

Let me get, no, wait.

Hey. wait, wait, wait.

Stop. stop, please. Stop the wagon.

Grab the newspaper! The newspaper!

Give it to Tarquin!

- [Speaker] So long. Sebastian.

(car engine revs up)

(uneasy music continues)

(Sebastian screams)

(jarring music)

("I'll Find My Love")

♪ Love is a wonderful thing ♪

♪ They all say ♪

♪ But it's something that somehow has not come my way ♪

♪ Though I tried very hard ♪

♪ To find a girl ♪

♪ Who would share in my empty world ♪

♪ And then the places I go ♪

♪ It just seems she is there ♪

♪ But I don't know the face or her name ♪

♪ This is only a dream that fills my mind ♪

♪ One that I've yet to find ♪

♪ One day I'll find my love ♪

♪ The one I'm dreaming of ♪

♪ The sun will smile above ♪

♪ The day I find my love ♪

♪ There must be someone who's waiting for me ♪

♪ And if one day that someone I happen to see ♪

♪ Then I'd promise I'll never make her cry ♪

♪ I'll be hers 'till I die ♪

(romantic music fades)

(Gary moans)

(Jo moaning) (romantic music)

- [Jo] (moans) No.

- Mm?

(romantic music continues)

(watch buzzes)

(Jo moans)

(Jo exclaims)

(romantic music continues)

- [Jo] Gary.

Where are you going?

- Got to-

(vase breaks)

(Jo groans)

(exciting jazz music)

(Gary whistles)

(exciting jazz music continues)

(tyres screech)

- Don't you ever sleep? - Only in office hours.

- It's no use, guv. It's out of action.

(exciting jazz music continues)

- [Gary] Good morning.

(exciting jazz music continues)

(speaker exclaims)

(exciting jazz music fades)

(speaker giggles)

(speaker speaks indistinctly)

(lively jazz music)

- [Charles] Good morning.

- [Tiddiman] Good morning. Sir Charles.

- [Charles] Get Mr. Fenn in here at once, will you?

- [Tiddiman] I'm not sure if he's in yet. Sir Charles.

- [Charles] He'd better be.

(lively jazz music continues)

- [Speaker] I must know how-

- [Tiddiman] Miss Thwaites.

(speakers speaking indistinctly)

Miss Thwaites.

- Yes, dear?

- [Tiddiman] The chairman wants to see him.

- [Maggi] I'll tell him as soon as he's free.

- [Tiddiman] I said the chairman wants to see him at once.

- Sorry, dear, but you know how these geniuses

hate to be disturbed.

I just can't interrupt him.

- I don't believe he's in there at all.

- For your information.

He's been working on the layout all night.

- In which nightclub?

- [Maggi] You're not suggesting

that I'm telling a lie, are you?

- [Gary] Maggi? Maggi, you're late.

Get in here at once.

- [Maggi] Yes. Mr. Fenn. at once.

I'll see he gets your message. Miss Tiddiman. Thank you.

Good morning. Commuting by cradle now?

- It's the only way to fly. darling.

Put that on ice for me, will you?

How long have I got? - Seven minutes.

- Oh, I thought I was late.

What does Sir Charles want?

- Last-minute reassurance.

- And the mob? - At a rough guess, the same.

Jim wants to check the order of the charts with you.

Celia can't remember

which of the stills of the girl you wanted,

et cetera. et cetera.

- Oh, dear. What would they do without me?

- Carry on like this, you might find out.

Head down.

Talk about the seven-year itch. You're not even married yet.

- So you need a licence to scratch?

- Ow! - Well, hold still a minute.

Just think about what other people want for a change.

After eight jobs in 10 years with you,

I had rather hoped we'd settle here.

There's the health-food stores across the road,

we're near the underground,

and I can take my sandwiches into the park.

- Maggi. my darling. I promise you, I won't let you down.

And I'll tell you another thing.

By the time I've got this Chilmore account

tied up this morning. you and I

are both going to be part of the furniture around here.

- There's nothing I like better

than being called an old antique.

- Go on. Get out of here.

You can count 20 and start wheeling 'em in.

- 20.

(door opens)

(speakers speaking indistinctly)

- Well. go on. Ask him. - Go on, ask him.

Thank God. Gary, we've gotta have some answers.

- I must know definitively-

- One at a time. Let's have them.

Settle down and let me do the talking.

Remember, it's not just another cosmetic campaign.

This one's got to have a real personality.

We have to convince Chilmore

he is getting something unique for his money. right?

Now, let's have a look at the sketches.

Good. Oh, no. not that one.

This is awful. It doesn't say anything.

Now. to achieve this miracle, we need a girl,

a gorgeous girl that we can identify with our product:

Miss Swing (fingers snap).

When the All Blacks stagger, sweating off the rugger field.

Our Miss Swing will be waiting there

with a slice of lemon and a soft embrace.

(fingers snap)

When the winning driver screams

past the flag at Silverstone.

Our Miss Swing will be waiting there again

to plant a victory kiss on the winner's brow.

In short. we are going to brainwash

every woman who uses Swing that she, too, will be mixing

with the most exciting men in the world today.

So you can see we do need a girl.

Not just an ordinary girl.

But one who has all the qualities of grace,

glamour, and seductiveness

that the girl next door knows she hasn't got

but hopes she will get if she uses Swing.

After many days and nights of exhaustive personal research,

I have come up with such a girl.

This one.

- I like your general approach, Mr. Fenn.

But if the whole campaign depends on this one girl,

I'd need. well. at least a year's exclusive contract.

Are you sure she's available?

- Waiting for my call right now.

- Very well.

- Thank you. Mr. Chilmore. You won't regret it.

- Well. I'll have the contract drawn up this afternoon.

- No. - [Charles] No?

- Not until I see a layout. and only if I like the girl.

- [Charles] Yes, but my dear-

- You'll have a full layout within 48 hours.

- Good boy.

Are you sure 48 hours is enough?

- Of course. sir.

- With a professional like Mr. Fenn. we have no problems.

Here, let me give you a drink before you go.

- [Chilmore] I'm all right.

(perplexed music)

- That's all right. I'll leave a message.

Excuse me.

- It worked. - Fine.

Well, now let him find her for us.

After all, what could be more natural?

An advertising man looking for a model.

- And then?

(perplexed music continues)

- Not guilty.

- All right, Jim, who is she?

Some bird you picked up at a party?

- Now, Gary, I swear.

- Now. this picture didn't get in there by accident.

Someone, some low-life Romeo. In order to get his oats.

Has jeopardised our bread and butter.

Now, who was it?

I am going to find out.

Meanwhile, since we are lumbered, Maggi. get her in here.

- Marla Kugash. Flaxman 8972.

- [Speaker] Good old English name.

- Just pray to God she's not 6'4" with galloping dandruff.

(horses galloping)

(spectators speaking indistinctly)

- Fine, Jo. Right.

- Excuse me, you know where I can find Jo Grinling?

- 'Round the back.

- Thanks. - Good luck.

All right. Jo, fine. Yes, I've got it.

- Three on the board. closer.

Whoever you are. get out.

- I'm, uh. looking for Jo Grinling.

- You've found her.

Hello. - Hello.

- Put up the cue dot. Out in 10 seconds.

- Five, four-

- Can you wait 10 seconds for a lady?

- Oh. it's against my principles.

- Out.

- But you've talked me into it.

- Super caption. Okay, take a break. everybody.

What's a nice boy like you doing in a place like this?

- Looking for a man who turns out to be a nice girl.

- Disappointed? - I'll get over it.

- Well. I'll be there in a second.

- [Speaker] Right, okay.

- Get me a cup of coffee, please, John?

- Right-o. - How about you, Mr.-

- Fenn. Gary Fenn. No. thanks.

You're Joanne? - Josephine.

- Huh, Josephine. I called your home.

- Oh? - Looking for Marla Kugash.

- My niece.

Now, what could she possibly do for you

that I couldn't do better?

- That's. uh, an unfair question. I haven't met her yet.

I work for Moberley and Vost. We have a job for her.

- [Jo] They're going through a Hungarian phase now?

- She's Hungarian?

But she is a model, isn't she?

- Well. she's a model liar,

as you'll find out if you ever catch up with her.

She ran away. Vanished about a week ago.

- That's great.

I don't suppose you have a clue

as to where I might find her?

- No. except she squats. - Mm?

- In the street.

She joined the M.F.P. The Marchers for Peace.

- Well. that's a wonderful clue. but how does it help me?

There's so many of them.

- Well. look for a traffic jam.

She might be the cause of it.

- Fine. I'll do that. Thank you.

- Mm. if you do find her, will you let me know?

The Hungarian embassy has been pestering me.

They say her visa's run out.

And besides, I guess I still have a soft spot for her.

- 30 seconds, Jo.

- [Jo] Will you do that?

- Of course. It will give me a chance to see you again.

- Wanna come up and see my pictures?

- Not today, Josephine.

- Well, of course. if she didn't wanna be found,

why plant the bloody thing in the first place?

- [Speaker] Perhaps somebody else did.

- There is no single agency in the whole of London who's heard of her.

- If we could only find the photographer. we'd be away.

- [Gary] Then why. may I ask, haven't you?

- [Speaker] Oh, pity's sake-

- Surely I don't have to tell you

that any photographer worth his salt

has his own technique. his own style.

Where he puts his key light,

what sort of backing he uses the way he plays with shadows.

Start with those.

- Come on, let's spread them out on the floor.

- [Maggi] Give me one of those.

(speakers speaking indistinctly)

(intriguing music)

(intriguing music fades)

("Westminster Bridge")

♪ He walked across ♪

♪ Westminster Bridge ♪

♪ Saw the early ♪

- Where can I find Sebastian? - He's down there.

♪ Before the people ♪

♪ Come and crowd the morning ♪

♪ A shadow passed ♪

♪ Over his face ♪

♪ And a teardrop fell ♪

♪ For the human race ♪

♪ For on that day ♪

♪ Sebastian fell from the bridge ♪

- Sebastian?

(singer singing indistinctly)

- Sebastian?

- That's Sebastian. Yes.

- When? - What's time, man?

- You know where I can find her?

♪ When we can say there is true peace ♪

♪ There is true peace ♪

- Well. uh, do you?

- No, I'm sorry, we can't help you.

- Well. the picture was taken here.

Somebody must've known her.

- Maybe he did.

Your people must be very desperate

to send you here like this.

- You have no idea how desperate.

- Mm.

(gentle guitar music)

They have implied that Sebastian took his own life.

- No. he didn't. It's not true.

- I think. out of respect,

we should spend our last time with him

in a way he'd have known and understood.

Enioy yourselves!

- [Guests] Peace!

(guests cheering) (lively funky music)

(guests speaking indistinctly)

(lively funky music continues)

(speaker grunts)

(object clatters)

(speaker grunts)

(Gary grunts)

(object clatters)

(machine whirring)

(birds squawking)

(lively jazz music)

- Hey!

Miss Kugash?

Marla Kugash? - Yes.

- I've, uh. been looking everywhere for you.

May I?

(Gary exclaims) (water splashes)

- Oh, oh!

(Gary sneezes)

Did you really come to give me a job?

- No. I came to take a mud bath.

I come from a long line of hippopotamuses.

- Hippopotami. Latin plural.

- Yes. well, my suit. English singular. is ruined.

- I'll dry it for you.

- Hey!

- [Marla] That's all right. I have two big brothers.

- Yes, well. I don't happen to be either of them.

- Why you Englishmen are so shy?

- Shy? We-we've hardly even met.

- Oh, I'm Marla Kugash. How do you do?

- Gary Fenn. How do you do?

- There. Now may I take your trouser-

- No, you may not.

- All right. so give them out to me.

(water sloshing)

Oh, you know, I'm sorry.

I really thought you were someone else.

- [Gary] Don't apologise. I was warned.

I should've known better.

(Gary sneezes)

- Oh.

Here.

- What's that? - An old Hungarian recipe.

- Yes. well, I've heard about those Hungarian recipes.

- Oh. you know? Drink it.

(Gary screams)

- Ooh, ooh.

- (sighs) So much fuss over nothing.

Oh.

(water sloshing) (Marla exclaims)

- Oh, dear, Miss Kugash, your poor wet clothes.

(Marla screams)

I say, do let me dry them for you. - No!

- Oh. it's perfectly all right.

I've got six big sisters and two nudist aunts.

- Oh, you!

(Gary screams)

- Stop!

(Gary laughs)

(Marla laughs)

Oh. what do you think of our English weather. Miss Kugash?

- It always seems to be raining, Mr. Fenn.

- Oh. this? Just a shower, just a shower.

- Oh. very refreshing.

If you are from a long line of hippopotami.

- If you don't mind your Latin plurals getting wet.

- Oh. you don't happen to have a white flag on you?

- Mm. truce? - Truth.

- "Truce." - Truth.

- All right, have it your way.

- Mm.

(Marla moans)

- It's a nice little place you have here.

Hello.

Who does all this gear belong to?

- The boy who owns the boat. - Oh.

- No, he lives in another place.

- Do you suppose he'd mind if I borrowed a couple of things?

- Oh, take what you want.

- Well, now that we're better acquainted,

would you mind telling me

how you planted your picture on me in the first place?

- Picture? What picture?

- Oh. trade secret. huh?

Well. never mind. You have the job anyway.

- Oh, so maybe I don't want it.

- No, nothing doing. sweetheart.

That is our top price. We do not bargain in England.

- No? - No.

And especially not with red-headed Hungarians.

Well. you know what they say?

That a Hungarian is a person

who can walk into a revolving door behind you

and come out in front.

- Only because you English go around twice.

- Touche.

- I have no visa and no work permit.

- Fine, is that all that's stopping you?

It's no problem. I can get them for you.

- Promise?

- Promise.

Sign this. - I already have.

So. you see, I did not bargain.

- No. just pushed me twice

around the swing doors, Miss Goulash.

- Kugash. Goulash is a Hungarian dish.

- So, Miss Kugash, you start tomorrow at nine.

- Then I had better have a good night's sleep.

(soft music)

- Can I help? - Uh-huh.

(soft music continues)

By going.

- (blows raspberry) Hungarians.

Happy dreams.

(Gary sneezes)

(intriguing music)

Snap.

(car honking)

(crowd speaking indistinctly)

(speakers laughing)

Hello.

(police siren wailing)

(speakers speaking indistinctly)

- [Officer] Would you mind explaining this. sir?

- I couldn't find sixpence for the parking meter.

(speakers laughing)

- Your driving licence. please.

- It's funny you should say that.

Do you know where the pockets are in these things?

There must be a pocket somewhere.

Where would they keep their bullets

and their army pay book, mm?

(Gary speaks indistinctly)

- [Officer] Out!

- [Photographer] Hold it, please.

- [Photographer] A moment, please.

(cameras clicking) (photographers speaking indistinctly)

- [Reporter] How did you get in there. Mr. Fenn?

Come on. Give us a break, give us our statement.

(reporters speaking indistinctly)

- [Reporter] How did you get in there?

(reporters continue speaking indistinctly)

- Thank you.

Driver. pull over. will you. please?

- Look, I can explain everything.

- Here will do fine. Don't bother.

- I didn't know they were going to do it to you.

(car door thuds)

- The contract is scrubbed.

- Please. at least listen to me.

I'm so miserable and alone.

(car door thuds)

(Gary sighs)

- All right, driver. drive on.

- [Driver] Any particular place, sir?

- No. just drive.

No. drive to Victor's House. - Right-o.

- I don't know where to begin.

- Well. why don't you start

when you walked out on your Aunt Jo?

- You've met her?

- Yes, at least there's one lady in your family.

- Well. Tarquin, he's the boy who owns the coat.

- One of your peaceful friends?

- He said he would hide me.

- Hide you from what?

- From my embassy, also your immigration people.

I am a fugitive without visa, so Tarquin protects me.

And when he sees you coming on the barge-

- He thought I was an immigration man.

- Yes. You see?

- So he coshed me, he drugged me.

And then he got me arrested.

Do me a favour.

- But it's true, I tell you.

- When your Aunt Jo told me you were a liar,

at least I assumed you were a good liar.

- Jo said I was a liar? - Yes. she did.

- Driver, stop, please.

- [Gary] Will you stop acting?

- I'm not acting.

- If you would stop romanticising for just one moment,

we might get to at least the truth of it.

- Oh. let me go.

- [Gary] Do you want the job. or don't you?

- No!

- (chuckles) That's marvellous, isn't it?

Y-you plant your picture in my file

to get a job you are not entitled to.

I get jumped by some long-haired, glue-sniffing baboon.

You push me in the river.

I then get coshed. drugged, and framed on a dope charge.

And you want to walk out on me! Drive on!

(cheeky music)

(car door opens)

(car door thuds)

- I'm not telling lies. Gary. I promise.

(Gary sighs)

All right. maybe it is better I'm going back to Hungary.

- Let's make a deal.

I won't ask you any questions

if you promise not to give me any answers.

- I'm only trying to explain.

- No. you let me explain.

You want me for your visa, right?

You need me for your work permit. right?

And I need you for the job. - Right.

- Let's just call it quits, mm?

Drive straight down the garage ramp.

(cheeky music continues)

(cheeky music fades) (car door thuds)

- Did you know your suit was shrunk?

- I grew in the night.

- No, no. Yes. now, now don't pay any attention to them.

Look. look at me.

- All right. Sid, tie it off.

- Congratulations, Frank!

That's the most mediocre backing you've come up with today.

- What do you want for your kinda money? Rembrandt?

- It'll do for the presentation,

but get it right for the layout.

All right now. come on. everybody.

(whistles) Let's get our places. and let's get started.

Crispian. I trust you're ready.

(crew speaking indistinctly)

- Mr. Fenn!

What about this article in the paper? And the photograph?

Was it drugs?

- And good morning to you, too, Sir Charles.

- Heaven knows what Chilmore will say!

I'm told that you haven't even found the girl yet.

As far as I am concerned, Mr. Fenn,

the firm of Moberley and Vost-

- Miss Marla Kugash, Sir Charles Moberley, our chairman.

- Oh. (chuckles) hey.

Well, how do you do? - Hello.

(Charles chuckles)

- You. uh, you were saying, Sir Charles?

- I want a full treatment on my desk

first thing in the morning.

Without fail.

- Reset the light, somebody.

- [Staff] All right. come on.

- All right now, keep the noise down to a quiet roar.

Crispian, you ready? - [Crispian] Yes. sir.

- Out of the shot. everybody who's not in it.

Come on. move!

All right. take your positions, boys.

All right. One, two, smile.

One, two. three. (fingers snap)

(camera clicks)

No, no. no.

Miss Kugash. this is sun.

These are magnificent men.

This is a beautiful golden beach somewhere.

Now do you suppose you could call

upon that vivid imagination of yours

to make believe that you are there?

You could? - Mm.

- You'd better. Otherwise. no visa.

Right, let's have one more.

Come on. fellas. Take up your positions.

Now!

One, two, three.

(fingers snap) (light-hearted music)

Now at the lens.

(fingers snap) (camera clicking)

All right. now. Miss Kugash. head back.

(fingers snap) (camera clicking)

Open up. Crispian.

- It's very good.

- Thank you, Smiley. Take 'em on two and a quarter.

Smile. Eyes to me.

(camera clicking)

(staff speaks indistinctly)

All right, Jan. out of it.

(Gary speaks indistinctly)

Right, come on. Let's immortalise it.

Okay. Beau Brummell, start pushing.

Come on. push.

Push!

Come on. a little harder. (camera clicks)

Higher. that's it. Higher!

Stand by, Crispian. Here we go.

(chain snaps)

Right, now throw your head a little more to one side.

Catch her at the top in this one when her head's back, okay?

- [Crew] Yeah.

- Do you think you can push it higher?

Very good. (ominous music)

Right. one more. Really high.

(ominous music continues)

(chain snaps) (Marla exclaims)

(objects clatter)

Are you all right? - Yeah.

- Come on. come on, rest in your room for a moment. Celia!

- I-I'll try again.

- No. it was a corny shot anyway.

We'll scrub around it.

- That's the first sensible thing you've said all day.

- All right, break for an hour.

- All right. break for an hour. Save some of 'em. Tommy.

- Frank? Frank!

- Yeah?

- Can you give me something else instead of the swing?

- Y-you didn't ask for a covering set.

- Well, I'm asking now.

- [Frank] What about the Greek temple?

- That's a good idea. Get on with it.

All right. girls, give me a couple of minutes, will you?

And you.

May I?

Does it hurt? - No, it's all right.

- Damn fools, not fixing that swing properly.

- Thank you for your concern.

- Truce? - [Marla] Truth.

- No, "truce." - Truce. Mm?

- You really feel like going on?

(Marla chuckles)

Right, well, you'd better get into that dress.

(phone rings)

Yes?

Yes. Maggi.

I'll be right down.

You did some good work this morning.

- Thank you.

(door thuds)

- Frank? - [Frank] Yeah?

- Look after her. will you?

(door opens)

- [Frank] Oh. I'm sorry. I was told...

Would you like some tea?

Why don't you go out on the roof?

The fresh air will do you good.

- All right, I'll go.

(door thuds)

(lock thuds)

- Hello. - Hello.

- Your message just said, "Come to the office."

I didn't know whether to dress for tea. golf.

Or all-in wrestling.

- I admire the compromise. - Thank you.

- Actually, I wanted to talk about Marla.

- [Jo] Oh. not again.

- Well, you wanted me to tell you when I found her.

- [Jo] And you have? - Yes.

- Good. Now. what were you saying about compromising?

- Well. first I want to clear up this business

about the visa.

- And for this,

I've wasted an entire bottle of Chanel No. 5.

- Shall we sit here?

(bells clanging)

Do you take sugar?

There.

(ominous music)

(cup breaks)

- Good. I'll get on to it.

- [Jo] Satisfied?

- Very.

- I like to see my men satisfied.

- What would you like to drink?

(suspenseful music)

(Marla moans)

- Another drink, please.

- All right.

(suspenseful music continues)

(Marla moans)

(chair thuds)

(suspenseful music continues)

(Gary grunts)

(Marla moans)

(suspenseful music continues)

All right?

(suspenseful music continues)

(Gary groans)

Look after Marla.

(suspenseful music continues)

- [Jo] Marla?

Marla?

(suspenseful music continues)

- [Gary] Have you seen Mr. Warren?

- [Receptionist] No, Mr. Fenn.

- [Gary] Jenkins. - [Jenkins] Sir?

- [Gary] Have you seen...

(suspenseful music continues)

(gun fires)

- [Ruddock] Here. catch.

(witnesses screaming)

- [Speaker] What happened?

(speakers speaking indistinctly)

- [Speaker] There he is! He's got a gun!

- [Speaker] Hey. you! Stop!

(speakers speaking indistinctly)

- [Speaker] Get after him.

(speakers speaking indistinctly)

(suspenseful music continues)

(suspenseful music fades)

(police siren wailing)

(demonstrators shouting indistinctly)

- Will you please disperse?

I ask you, please disperse. Please go home.

- We will not disperse.

We've come here to give President Maudula

the sort of reception he deserves.

(demonstrators shouting indistinctly)

(demonstrators jeering)

(police siren wailing)

(object shattering)

(demonstrators speaking indistinctly)

- Police brutality!

Police brutality!

- Hey. Tarquin. look!

(demonstrators speaking indistinctly)

- [Gary] Where's Marla? - Upstairs.

Wait a minute!

(door thuds)

(door creaks)

- [Gary] Are you all right? - Mm-hmm.

- [Gary] (sighs) Well. what's this all about?

Why was Warren trying to kill you?

- I don't know what you mean.

- He was trying to push you off the roof.

- He was kissing me.

(door thuds)

- Marla. Warren is dead.

Now the police think that I killed him.

You've gotta tell me the truth.

- The truth is. Mr. Fenn,

that Marla and Warren had been lovers for some time.

- He put my picture in your file to get me the job.

- You were right. She is a liar.

(ominous music)

Marla, please. please. darling. don't torture me.

Please. please help me.

You've got to help me. You've got to understand.

Say you understand.

Don't just sit there. Help me.

Jo. you're a woman who understands these things.

Tell her she's got to help me.

(Ruddock groans) (gun fires)

Come on, out!

(suspenseful music)

Front door, quick!

(grandfather clock clangs)

(Ruddock groans)

(car engine revs)

Marla!

- Well. that's it. Finish.

- I thought you had more guts.

- (scoffs) You know, our friends in France, Germany.

The States, they all play their part.

But when it comes to Britain,

apart from a few stupid punch-ups. what do you get?

Chaos.

What is there to hang around for now?

- The birthday party.

- Oh. that just ran out the door.

Or hadn't you noticed? - If they talk.

- What's to stop them?

- 16.000 London policemen.

- Yes, that's Fenn. What about the girl?

- What about her?

- She heard the whole story here that night,

she walked in on us, everything.

- All she heard was words.

None of which can make any sense to her at all.

- Well, it will in 48 hours when she sees the headlines.

- By which time you will have found and disposed of her.

(phone rings)

- What kept you?

- Ever been to a vintage car rally?

- Maggi, what are you talking about?

- That car is registered in the name of Lord Etherly,

known in the trade as King of the Old Cross.

- So what's Tarquin? His stable boy?

- That, I'm afraid,

you'll have to ask the noble lord himself.

- You're dead!

- Yours?

- Now, the manor was originally built in 1730

and is one of Britain's most famous stately homes.

It is situated in 3,000 acres of beautiful parkland,

which you'll be seeing later in the tour

when we see the start of the vintage car rally.

This way, please.

We are unable to visit the private apartments

as Lord Etherly is now in residence.

Follow me. This way, please.

Along this corridor, you will see the famous collection

of the Etherly family portraits,

most of which were painted by leading artists of the day.

This collection alone is valued at over 500,000 pounds.

(bell tolling)

(Tarquin grunts)

(Gary grunts)

- I didn't recognise you.

(Gary grunts)

- Yeah?

And where would you have stuck that thing if you had. huh?

- Now wait. Now listen.

(Gary grunts)

Calm down, will you?

(Tarquin grunts)

Knock it off. will you?

- With pleasure. (grunts)

Where's Marla?

- She's here. She's here.

- Why should I believe you?

You've got Lord Etherly's crest on your car.

And now I find you in Lord Etherly's house.

Why?

- I am Lord Etherly.

(sword clangs)

- Well. we'll soon prove that with a blue blood test.

(Tarquin grunts)

Right.

Now, let's have some truthful answers.

- [Marla] It is the truth. - Marla?

- [Marla] Oh. darling, I'm so glad you're safe.

I was so worried.

- You've got a funny way of showing it.

- Oh, darling, but if I could-

- Now, just a minute.

Is he really Lord Etherly?

- He is.

- Arise. Your Grace.

- Thank you.

- Why didn't you tell me before?

- I didn't know 'till he brought me here.

- Well. it could still be a front.

All right, if you don't wish to be the late Lord Etherly,

start talking.

- Wilberforce, the fourth earl.

My great-great-great-grandfather.

All I ever did to deserve this lot was get born.

A baby could do it.

Believe me, I'm on your side.

- Oh? Which side is that?

- For peace.

Against chaos, as personified by her Auntie Jo.

Her Aunt Jo is the local branch manager

of an outfit that specializes in conspiracy. anarchy, chaos.

All kinds of fun. - Jo?

- Do you remember the night

when you crashed in on a meeting at her house

and she was so mad and she was going to send you home?

Why?

- I don't know. She was very angry.

- There were three men with her. What were they saying?

- I didn't hear.

- And they thought you did,

so Jo faked an excuse to ship you out of the country.

- Uh. where do you come into all this?

- We march for peace.

But for the past few months,

professional villains and strong-armed men

have been infiltrating the ranks

and turning peaceful demonstrations into bloody riots.

You can undermine a fair-sized country

with a couple of well-placed riots.

Cheaper than espionage.

We finally trailed one of these jokers

back to Jo Grinling's house.

In it, we spotted Marla.

Well. so we chatted her up, got her confidence,

took her dancing.

That way. we could keep track of what was going on indoors.

- So y-you used me. - Oh, sure.

When Jo threatened to send her home,

she came straight to us.

We read between the lines, knew she'd be in danger,

so we hid her.

- You told me it was to stop me being deported.

- (chuckles) It was a white lie, kindly intended.

Jo's guerillas couldn't find her,

so they dreamed up the plan of using you to track her down.

- So then whatever she overheard in the house

must have been vital to them.

- I heard nothing.

- Oh, vital. Sebastian found out. so they killed him.

The night they got him. he phoned me from a party.

- He was with me.

- Said he had the answer. Said it was a world-shaker.

He'd have told me, not on the phone.

Only that was the last I heard of him.

On the bridge, he gave her this.

- A newspaper? But didn't he say anything at all?

- To me? Oh. nobody tell me anything.

All I get is coloured lies.

- Oh, in a good cause. Be reasonable.

- You've used me as a poppet. - A what?

- She means a puppet.

Marla- - Oh, don't correct me!

Puppet or poppet. You understand me very well.

I'm sick of being deceived by everybody.

- Where are you going? - Home.

To Hungary.

- [Tarquin] Oh. come on. darling. Be reasonable.

(door thuds)

- Well, she won't get far.

Let's have a look at that newspaper.

(ominous music)

(door opens)

- Come on, quick! Please!

(suspenseful music)

- All right. you two. that way.

(suspenseful music fades)

(lively music)

(children giggles)

(guests chattering indistinctly)

- Which is your car? - The Paxton Speeder.

- What? - The yellow one. Don't run.

(birds chirping)

(lively music continues)

- [Gary] Right. if you can start it, I'll drive.

(guests chattering indistinctly)

- Hey. Try over there.

(guests continue chattering indistinctly)

(lively music continues)

- Now. please take your positions by the starting point.

Come on, please take your positions by the starting point.

Twice 'round the courtyard.

Then leave through the main arch.

Thank you.

(car engine sputtering)

- What is he doing? - Winding it up.

(car engine whirring)

(car engine starts)

(motor clunks)

(engine rumbles)

(engine turns over)

(exciting band music)

- Hey. come here. Come here.

Let's get to the car.

(exciting band music continues)

- Look!

(exciting band music continues)

(Gary laughs)

(car honks)

- Shut up! Get back!

We're trying to, will you please help these cars back?

(helicopter whirring)

(gun firing)

- Keep down!

(suspenseful music)

(gun firing)

Our only hope is trees.

(suspenseful music continues)

(gun firing)

(suspenseful music continues)

(gun firing)

(suspenseful music continues)

(gun firing)

(suspenseful music continues)

(gun firing)

(suspenseful music continues)

- It's thicker there.

(suspenseful music continues)

- Right. Out of this fancy dress.

Come on. Your Grace.

(helicopter whirring)

- It's nothing much. It's only serious.

- Oh.

Oh. we must get him to a doctor.

- [Gary] We must get a doctor to him.

- Just go. run.

- Look! - Go.

(helicopter whirring)

- [Gary] Get him under cover.

- [Tarquin] Go!

- Right, now believe it or not, we'll be back.

- [Tarquin] Go. man! Go!

(gun firing)

(suspenseful music continues)

(gun firing)

(car engine starts)

(gun firing)

(suspenseful music continues)

(gun firing)

(suspenseful music continues)

(gun firing)

(gun firing)

(electric wire crackles)

(helicopter explodes)

(suspenseful music fades)

- No, doctor, I'd rather not leave my name. Thank you.

Marla?

I (clears throat) thought you would like to know

that the doctor says Tarquin has a better than even chance

of pulling through.

- Really? Thank heaven.

Mm.

- I see somebody had a go at the crossword.

Who was it? Tarquin or Sebastian?

- Crossword? Oh. no, they were absolutely good friends.

- "In the front. metallically speaking."

Lead.

L-E-A...

(water trickles)

- [Marla] What are we going to do now?

- Well, have a meal

and a long, long talk.

- Do you think they will find us here?

- [Gary] "Made fish and still hungry." "Birthday."

I never could do these blasted things.

- Did you hear me?

(Gary sighs)

(romantic music)

(stomach rumbles)

(sighs) Where is that food?

- On its way.

Here, let me.

Lovely hair.

(romantic music continues)

(door opens)

(door thuds)

(Gary clears throat)

- Your lunch. Mr. Rabinowitz.

- Thank you.

- Rabinowitz? - Better than Smith.

- Shall I open the wine, sir? - Mm-hmm.

- No. thank you. I can manage myself.

There we are. Thank you.

(Marla exclaims)

- You only think of one thing, darling.

- [Gary] Mm-hmm.

- I'm famished. I didn't eat anything since yesterday.

- "Famished." "Made fish and still hungry."

It's an anagram.

F-A-M-I-S-H-F-D.

"Lead" was right. Here. look. - Mm.

- Don't you see?

Sebastian has written in two words

that have absolutely nothing to do with the crossword.

"Birthday" and "Hyde."

It has to be a message.

- Wait a minute. "Birthday."

That's what they were talking about that night.

- Who? Jo and the men?

- Mm, a birthday party.

- Whose birthday?

- I don't know.

- Well, was the word "Hyde" mentioned? H-Y-D-F.

- "Hyde." I don't remember.

Formaldehyde.

Jekyll and Hyde?

- What about "hide and seek"?

(bell tolling)

- Get dressed. - [Marla] What?

- Get dressed! - Mm.

- Come on, we don't have time for that.

(bell tolling)

Sanctuary. Come on.

- Bride or groom?

- Groom. - Bride.

- Well. we're really sort of neutral.

(congregation singing indistinctly)

- [Priest] Dearly beloved. we are gathered here

in the sight of God and in the face of this congregation

to join together this man and this woman in holy matrimony,

which is an honourable estate instituted of God himself

signifying unto us the mystical union

that is betwixt Christ and His Church.

Which holy estate Christ adorned and beautified-

- Sir, you're standing on my foot.

- I'm very sorry.

- I should jolly well think so.

- In Cana of Galilee

and is commended in holy writ, to be honourable among all men

and therefore is not by any to be enterprised

nor taken in hand-

- Madam. your hat. - I beg your pardon?

- Would you kindly remove it? I can't see the stage.

- Discreetly, soberly, and in the fear of God,

duly considering-

- Imagine coming to a wedding in a hat like that. (laughing)

- [Congregant] Will you be quiet, sir?

- As a church mouse.

- Thirdly, it was ordained for the mutual society.

Help and comfort that the one ought to have of the other,

both in prosperity and adversity.

Into which holy estate these two persons

present come now to be joined.

Therefore, if any man can show any just cause

why they may not lawfully be joined together.

let him now speak or else hereafter, forever hold his peace.

- I object!

(congregation exclaims)

- What. what is your objection?

- Him! This miserable deceiver. monster, bigamist.

Abandoning this. your first and true love.

- [Marla] Oh, yes.

- Oh, I've never seen her before in me life.

Honest, I haven't.

(bride whimpers)

- You stand there in your size 16 boots and deny it?

You, who has callously ruined

the life of this poor. distraught girl.

Oh. and you, sir, shame on you,

compounding this monstrous sin.

Take back your ancient and modern.

- Put it all back!

The wedding's off!

(guests muttering indistinctly)

(bride crying)

(car engine starts)

(exciting jazz music)

- Eating for two, Mrs. Rabinowitz?

- Mm. I hate these things.

(suspenseful music)

(tyres screeching)

(suspenseful music continues)

- Not while I'm driving.

(suspenseful music continues)

(tyres screeching)

- [Driver] You stupid lad!

(suspenseful music continues)

(fence clatters)

(car crashes)

(grim music)

(car explodes)

- Where now? - London.

- Mm.

- Well. you didn't like 'em anyway. Come on.

(ominous music)

- Go.

(ominous music continues)

(timer clicks)

33 seconds.

(ominous music continues)

Fire! (gun fires)

That should light a few candles

on the birthday cake tomorrow.

Now. Marble Arch, Park Lane.

The VIP dais is here. artillery here.

Cameras one, two, three, and four. That's you.

Operate your camera normally until the firing begins.

Then report you're having trouble and pull out the switch.

You'll be dressed as a maintenance man.

The minute you see Ruddock's signal,

climb up onto his rostrum and go into your act.

Even allowing for delays,

you should be able to get that gun in the camera

in plenty of time.

And remember. you have to fire under cover

of the 20th cannon shot.

(door thuds)

(ominous music)

- Who's dropping the rifle? - Blake.

He knows he's got to make it look

as if the shot came from the Marchers for Peace.

- With a few more assassinations,

a few more well-rehearsed riots out of the chaos.

We seize control.

Just think of it: A world free from decadent democracy.

I might end up as prime minister or even president.

Won't that be a laugh? (chuckles)

(door thuds)

- Well? - I saw your Aunt Jo.

- [Waitress] Anything?

- Yes. bacon and eggs, and toast, and coffee. Black, please.

- [Waitress] Right. - Same again, please.

- What, all of it? - Yes, all of it.

- [Waitress] Huh.

- She was getting into a car with Chilmore.

- Chilmore?

- He's the man who employed you for the Swing account.

- Mm.

- Now we know why that happened.

Funny thing was, he was all dressed up like a dog's dinner.

Doesn't make any sense. any of it.

- So what should we do? Go to the police?

- And, uh. what do we tell them?

- Well, about Jo and Tarquin, and the crossword puzzle?

- Any more bright ideas?

- They wouldn't believe us, huh?

- Would you? - No.

- [Gary] Do you mind if I borrow your paper?

(speaker chuckles nervously)

- No, no. not at all.

- Thanks.

- What was that all about?

Oh, lovely picture.

- [Gary] "Special precautions.

President Maudula, visiting London

for talks with the Foreign Secretary

about the explosive civil war raging in Kerenia.

Will be on the VIP dais in Hyde Park today

to watch the 21-gun salute

which traditionally greets an official royal birthday."

Birthday party. Hyde Park.

Come on. - [Marla] Oh. no.

- Come on.

(drums beating)

(police siren wailing)

(marching band playing)

- [Demonstrators] Peace, peace. peace. peace,

peace. peace. peace. peace. peace.

- Hello. Pru.

- Good morning, Jo. - Brendan.

- Okay.

- Hello, boys. Everything okay?

Good luck to everybody.

- [Demonstrators] Peace. Peace. not war.

Peace. not war. No more war, no more war.

Peace, not war.

Peace, not war.

No more war. Peace, not war.

Peace not war.

- Peace, peace. - We want peace.

- Everything okay? Camera two all right?

Three?

Camera four?

- [Demonstrator] Peace. not war.

No more war, no more war.

- Is everything all right. camera four?

- Everything’s fine, Jo.

(lively band music ends)

- Three. two. one.

Cue grammes. Fade up. two.

- Good morning.

This is Peter Haigh. speaking to you from Hyde Park.

In a few moments. you'll be able to see

the traditional 21-gun salute

by the King's Troop of the Royal Horse Artillery.

The guest of honour at today's ceremony

is President Maudula of Kerenia.

Now, the president seems to be in his usual happy

and jovial frame of mind

despite the number of often violent demonstrations

since his arrival here.

And I think that today looks like being no exception.

I don't know whether one of the cameras can pick it up,

but a group of demonstrators carrying banners

seems to have formed up just opposite the VIPs.

- Peace, peace. peace. peace.

- [Peter] Anyway. galloping into your picture now,

led by the officer in command.

Is the six-gun troop of the Royal Horse Artillery.

Now. apart from taking precedence

over all other regiments on parade.

The troop's also granted the privilege

of passing through Marble Arch.

The only body able to do so

apart from the reigning sovereign.

- Give me a word count on each gun as it fires.

- [Peter] Will give the order to fire.

Each sergeant on each gun

will acknowledge he's received the order

and at 12 o'clock precisely the first gun will fire.

(captain shouts indistinctly)

(artillery fires)

- One.

(artillery fires)

Two.

(artillery fires)

- What is it. camera four? We're losing picture.

- I'm sorry, Jo. My camera's playing up.

- Is there a maintenance man near you?

- Yes, he's standing nearby.

- Well. let us know how long it'll take to fix.

(artillery continues firing)

- What will they try to do? - I don't know.

Here. take this.

(artillery fires)

Hey. you. You on camera three. who's the director?

- Jo Grinling.

(artillery continues firing)

(machine whirring)

- 14.

- Don't worry, Jo. I'll be with you in a second.

- Keep at it.

- Understood.

(artillery continues firing)

- 17.

(artillery fires)

19.

(artillery fires)

(suspenseful music)

(horses galloping)

(Ruddock screams)

- Right. miss.

("I'll Find My Love")

(Marla moans)

- No. no, no. no, no.

(Gary grunts) (Marla chuckles)

♪ La, la. la, la ♪

♪ La-la. la-la-la ♪

(watch buzzing)

(Marla exclaims)

♪ La-la-la, la-la-la-la-la ♪

♪ La-la-la, la-la ♪

(watch continues buzzing)

♪ One day I'll find my love ♪

♪ The one I'm dreaming of ♪

♪ The sun will smile above ♪

♪ The day I find my love ♪ (alcohol burbles)

♪ There must be someone who's waiting for me ♪

♪ And if one day that someone I happen to see ♪

♪ Then I'd promise I'll never make her cry ♪

♪ I'll be hers 'till I die ♪

(romantic music swells)

(romantic music ends)