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1
00:00:08,492 --> 00:00:09,174
Hmm.
2
00:00:09,326 --> 00:00:10,751
I'm going to the market.
3
00:00:10,827 --> 00:00:12,419
Can you look after the kids?
4
00:00:12,571 --> 00:00:13,345
I'm on it.
5
00:00:13,756 --> 00:00:15,848
And don't just plop them in
front of the TV,
6
00:00:15,924 --> 00:00:18,458
eat Twinkies, and take a nap.
7
00:00:18,460 --> 00:00:21,336
-Homer, we're bored.
-We need something to do.
8
00:00:21,338 --> 00:00:23,747
Plop them in front of the TV.
9
00:00:23,766 --> 00:00:25,840
Eat Twinkies. Take a nap.
10
00:00:25,860 --> 00:00:28,360
Maybe catch up on your drinking.
11
00:00:28,437 --> 00:00:29,511
Hmm.
12
00:00:29,530 --> 00:00:31,346
I want to watch a show
about bulldozers.
13
00:00:31,348 --> 00:00:33,365
But it should have
unicorns in it.
14
00:00:33,367 --> 00:00:35,659
Right. Bulldozers
crushing unicorns.
15
00:00:36,428 --> 00:00:38,370
[grunting]
16
00:00:39,373 --> 00:00:40,205
♪
17
00:00:40,282 --> 00:00:41,373
[cackles]
18
00:00:41,450 --> 00:00:43,784
-Sweaty ugly clown.
-Sweaty ugly clown.
19
00:00:43,860 --> 00:00:45,360
Hey-hey, kids!
20
00:00:45,437 --> 00:00:47,880
It's time for
Itchy and Scratchy.
21
00:00:47,882 --> 00:00:49,239
[children cheering]
22
00:00:49,241 --> 00:00:50,382
♪ They fight and bite ♪
23
00:00:50,459 --> 00:00:51,699
♪ They fight and bite and fight... ♪
24
00:00:51,777 --> 00:00:54,795
This cartoon is called
Itchy and Scratchy?
25
00:00:54,797 --> 00:00:56,722
Yeah, it's named
after your butt.
26
00:00:56,799 --> 00:00:58,757
Whoa, nice one.
27
00:00:58,759 --> 00:01:00,117
♪ La, la, la-la! ♪
28
00:01:00,135 --> 00:01:03,545
Today's show is brought to you
by the letter "F,"
29
00:01:03,547 --> 00:01:06,065
which stands for "fire."
30
00:01:07,068 --> 00:01:09,384
[screaming]
31
00:01:09,461 --> 00:01:10,736
Mmm.
32
00:01:10,738 --> 00:01:12,145
And the number eight,
33
00:01:12,222 --> 00:01:16,492
as in, "Scratchy 'ate' a pie
with a bomb in it."
34
00:01:18,562 --> 00:01:21,622
♪ The Itchy and Scratchy Show. ♪
35
00:01:23,400 --> 00:01:25,659
[both laugh]
36
00:01:25,811 --> 00:01:26,919
That was awesome.
37
00:01:27,329 --> 00:01:30,339
Let's watch this show together
every day forever.
38
00:01:31,483 --> 00:01:33,258
-Twinkie promise.
-Twinkie promise.
39
00:01:34,286 --> 00:01:37,387
♪
40
00:01:38,599 --> 00:01:40,390
[whimpers]
41
00:01:41,660 --> 00:01:42,083
-Ah.
-[crackles]
42
00:01:42,103 --> 00:01:43,994
[screaming]
43
00:01:43,996 --> 00:01:45,354
♪
44
00:01:53,839 --> 00:01:54,738
[panting]
45
00:01:56,675 --> 00:01:58,358
[yelps]
46
00:01:58,435 --> 00:01:59,576
[cackling]
47
00:02:06,627 --> 00:02:09,353
♪ They fight and bite ♪
48
00:02:09,355 --> 00:02:12,189
♪ They fight and bite and fight ♪
49
00:02:12,207 --> 00:02:15,525
♪ Fight, fight, fight, bite, bite, bite ♪
50
00:02:15,527 --> 00:02:18,595
♪ The Itchy and Scratchy Show. ♪
51
00:02:21,976 --> 00:02:24,351
I've got something to show you.
52
00:02:25,462 --> 00:02:27,295
It's your little sister
in her new
53
00:02:27,373 --> 00:02:30,131
Itchy and Scratchy ensemble.
54
00:02:30,376 --> 00:02:31,150
-Ack!
-Ack!
55
00:02:31,393 --> 00:02:33,635
They make
Itchy and Scratchy clothes
56
00:02:33,712 --> 00:02:34,711
for babies now?
57
00:02:34,713 --> 00:02:35,970
And not just clothes.
58
00:02:35,972 --> 00:02:38,715
They've got toys,
rattles, binkies,
59
00:02:38,717 --> 00:02:40,475
and even a potty.
60
00:02:40,903 --> 00:02:42,494
[Bart and Lisa groan]
61
00:02:42,646 --> 00:02:44,454
[both panting]
62
00:02:46,667 --> 00:02:49,501
[both]
Itchy and Scratchy
is for babies!
63
00:02:49,653 --> 00:02:52,045
Babies!
64
00:02:52,080 --> 00:02:54,339
[clamoring]
65
00:03:09,523 --> 00:03:11,106
[cheering]
66
00:03:11,675 --> 00:03:13,233
[whistling]
67
00:03:13,752 --> 00:03:14,985
Oh.
68
00:03:16,438 --> 00:03:19,256
Why aren't you watching
Itchy and Scratchy with Bart?
69
00:03:19,274 --> 00:03:22,350
Um, because that show
is completely uncool?
70
00:03:22,428 --> 00:03:24,444
Right now, my friends and I
are bingeing this show
71
00:03:24,521 --> 00:03:29,166
from the golden age
of television: 2013.
72
00:03:29,526 --> 00:03:30,375
♪
73
00:03:31,270 --> 00:03:33,787
Aw, Schultz. You got a dog?
74
00:03:33,789 --> 00:03:35,272
♪ Cute. ♪
75
00:03:35,290 --> 00:03:38,533
I just borrowed him
to meet ladies.
76
00:03:38,535 --> 00:03:39,609
Ow!
77
00:03:39,628 --> 00:03:41,720
My finger-quote fingers.
78
00:03:41,797 --> 00:03:44,223
I am in "terrible pain."
79
00:03:46,227 --> 00:03:50,470
♪ Sometimes a horndog gets bit by a real dog ♪
80
00:03:50,472 --> 00:03:53,457
♪ La la la la la la la la la... ♪
81
00:03:53,459 --> 00:03:58,403
[laughs] She made it okay
for cute girls to be pretty.
82
00:03:58,405 --> 00:04:01,222
Okay, but isn't there
something else
83
00:04:01,224 --> 00:04:02,407
you could do with your brother?
84
00:04:02,409 --> 00:04:03,800
Interesting idea.
85
00:04:03,802 --> 00:04:06,987
I'll circle back with my team
and let you know.
86
00:04:07,063 --> 00:04:08,896
That always means no.
87
00:04:09,733 --> 00:04:13,210
And what television program
are you watching?
88
00:04:14,663 --> 00:04:16,421
[all laughing maniacally]
89
00:04:16,423 --> 00:04:19,073
-[yelps]
-Obviously, the jokes are great,
90
00:04:19,151 --> 00:04:21,242
but what I love
is the storytelling.
91
00:04:21,262 --> 00:04:23,077
All right,
maybe that's something
92
00:04:23,079 --> 00:04:24,429
you could enjoy with Lisa?
93
00:04:24,581 --> 00:04:27,099
Marge, what Lisa
and I had was so special,
94
00:04:27,175 --> 00:04:28,767
but we've both moved on.
95
00:04:28,844 --> 00:04:31,661
On your way out, do me a favor
and drop this in the garbage.
96
00:04:31,663 --> 00:04:32,996
You're a doll.
97
00:04:32,998 --> 00:04:33,921
[Marge moans sadly]
98
00:04:33,999 --> 00:04:35,515
[animated characters laughing]
99
00:04:36,259 --> 00:04:37,925
I knew my kids were growing up,
100
00:04:38,003 --> 00:04:40,003
but I never thought
they'd grow apart.
101
00:04:40,022 --> 00:04:42,239
And I think
I'm the only one who cares.
102
00:04:43,433 --> 00:04:45,859
♪
103
00:04:45,935 --> 00:04:48,078
-We care, Marge.
-We care, Marge.
104
00:04:53,443 --> 00:04:57,445
♪ When Bart and Lisa loved us ♪
105
00:04:57,523 --> 00:05:00,966
♪ Things were just so beautiful ♪
106
00:05:01,043 --> 00:05:04,044
♪ Blood would flow but also ♪
107
00:05:04,196 --> 00:05:07,514
♪ So would love ♪
108
00:05:10,052 --> 00:05:13,312
♪ They'd laugh at all our violence ♪
109
00:05:13,463 --> 00:05:18,708
♪ And horrors quite unsuitable for children ♪
110
00:05:18,710 --> 00:05:20,393
♪ As guts rained ♪
111
00:05:20,546 --> 00:05:26,024
♪ From above ♪
112
00:05:26,026 --> 00:05:29,995
♪ But then one day, things weren't the same ♪
113
00:05:29,997 --> 00:05:32,072
♪ Babies loved us ♪
114
00:05:32,148 --> 00:05:35,075
♪ We were lame ♪
115
00:05:35,485 --> 00:05:40,580
♪ Used to spend so much time with each other ♪
116
00:05:41,083 --> 00:05:46,403
♪ And now they barely seem like sister/brother ♪
117
00:05:46,830 --> 00:05:48,663
♪ And it breaks the heart ♪
118
00:05:48,740 --> 00:05:54,061
♪ Of their sweet, loving mother ♪
119
00:05:55,097 --> 00:05:58,172
♪ Now that Bart and Lisa ♪
120
00:05:58,250 --> 00:06:02,085
♪ Don't love ♪
121
00:06:02,087 --> 00:06:06,198
♪ Us. ♪
122
00:06:08,443 --> 00:06:10,184
Have you noticed
that Bart and Lisa
123
00:06:10,262 --> 00:06:12,095
don't hang out these days?
124
00:06:12,097 --> 00:06:14,188
They barely even speak anymore.
125
00:06:14,266 --> 00:06:17,100
Yeah, but if I may pose
a counterargument:
126
00:06:17,102 --> 00:06:18,526
Eh, whaddya gonna do?
127
00:06:19,195 --> 00:06:22,105
I don't want Bart and Lisa
to be the kind of siblings
128
00:06:22,107 --> 00:06:24,791
who stop speaking
and drift apart.
129
00:06:24,793 --> 00:06:26,276
Yeah, maybe you're right.
130
00:06:26,612 --> 00:06:28,553
We don't want them to end up
like Sweet Johnson
131
00:06:28,630 --> 00:06:31,205
and CJ Johnson
in Grand Theft Auto.
132
00:06:31,283 --> 00:06:33,116
I've never played that game.
133
00:06:33,135 --> 00:06:36,395
[chuckles] Marge,
when you grow up in Los Santos,
134
00:06:36,397 --> 00:06:39,046
and Big Smoke needs you
to move that powder,
135
00:06:39,124 --> 00:06:42,216
the game has a way
of playing you.
136
00:06:42,294 --> 00:06:44,027
♪
137
00:06:47,299 --> 00:06:49,199
♪
138
00:06:52,413 --> 00:06:55,580
Kids. Kids, can I talk
to you for a second?
139
00:06:56,491 --> 00:06:59,142
Your father and I
won't be around forever.
140
00:06:59,144 --> 00:07:01,753
When you get older, you'll
need to lean on each other.
141
00:07:01,905 --> 00:07:04,164
Whatever you do,
don't drift apart.
142
00:07:04,166 --> 00:07:06,166
You share a journey
with your siblings
143
00:07:06,242 --> 00:07:08,260
that no one else
will ever understand.
144
00:07:08,262 --> 00:07:11,821
You must never, ever, ever
take that for granted.
145
00:07:12,749 --> 00:07:16,342
If you're telling us all this,
who's flipping the pancakes?
146
00:07:16,419 --> 00:07:17,160
Ooh!
147
00:07:17,829 --> 00:07:19,663
Mom, we get what you're saying,
148
00:07:19,665 --> 00:07:21,181
I think, and I promise,
149
00:07:21,257 --> 00:07:22,941
we'll keep it in mind.
150
00:07:23,018 --> 00:07:25,092
♪ But they didn't heed Marge ♪
151
00:07:25,094 --> 00:07:27,487
♪ They drifted apart ♪
152
00:07:29,098 --> 00:07:31,341
♪ Lisa conquered the world ♪
153
00:07:31,343 --> 00:07:34,494
♪ And poor Bart remained Bart ♪
154
00:07:36,790 --> 00:07:39,106
♪ Their relationship died ♪
155
00:07:39,184 --> 00:07:42,419
♪ With no one to grieve it ♪
156
00:07:43,689 --> 00:07:46,189
♪ 'Cause Marge passed before Homer ♪
157
00:07:46,191 --> 00:07:49,859
♪ If you can believe it ♪
158
00:07:50,137 --> 00:07:53,972
♪ So sad ♪
159
00:07:54,549 --> 00:07:58,351
♪ So sad ♪
160
00:07:59,146 --> 00:08:04,483
♪ So sad. ♪
161
00:08:04,559 --> 00:08:06,359
[Homer sobbing]
162
00:08:13,218 --> 00:08:15,476
Lisa Simpson, thank you so much
163
00:08:15,554 --> 00:08:17,887
for sitting down
with She-E-O magazine.
164
00:08:17,906 --> 00:08:19,998
You're the youngest
commissioner in the history
165
00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:22,149
of the women's professional
basketball league,
166
00:08:22,227 --> 00:08:23,743
which is now called the NBA,
167
00:08:23,895 --> 00:08:26,505
and now dwarfs the popularity
of the men's league,
168
00:08:26,656 --> 00:08:28,081
now called the MNBA.
169
00:08:28,233 --> 00:08:30,083
What's the secret
to your success?
170
00:08:30,159 --> 00:08:33,236
Well, here at the NBA,
formerly the WNBA,
171
00:08:33,238 --> 00:08:35,755
we like to follow
what my late mother taught me:
172
00:08:35,832 --> 00:08:37,590
You do well by doing good.
173
00:08:37,592 --> 00:08:40,260
I'm especially proud
that all my support staff
174
00:08:40,412 --> 00:08:41,594
are former players.
175
00:08:41,747 --> 00:08:44,856
Ms. Simpson, a reminder
that you are due to speak
176
00:08:44,933 --> 00:08:46,599
at your old school tomorrow.
177
00:08:46,752 --> 00:08:49,252
Oh, and your brother Bart
sent you a fax.
178
00:08:49,271 --> 00:08:51,846
Funny how technology
hasn't moved forward
179
00:08:51,865 --> 00:08:53,273
in 35 years.
180
00:08:53,349 --> 00:08:55,349
If anything,
it's gone backwards.
181
00:08:55,427 --> 00:08:56,368
What did Bart say?
182
00:08:56,444 --> 00:08:59,020
"Dude, you forgot
to send me the check
183
00:08:59,097 --> 00:09:00,372
"for Dad's retirement home.
184
00:09:00,448 --> 00:09:03,449
"Oh, wait, I found it
in a drawer with my weed.
185
00:09:03,451 --> 00:09:05,526
-"Good thing I didn't smoke it.
-[groans]
186
00:09:05,604 --> 00:09:07,120
Ha ha. Peace."
187
00:09:07,455 --> 00:09:08,788
I didn't know you had a brother.
188
00:09:08,790 --> 00:09:10,364
We're really not that close.
189
00:09:10,384 --> 00:09:12,609
I paid for him to go
to air conditioning school,
190
00:09:12,611 --> 00:09:14,277
but he dropped out
because he couldn't
191
00:09:14,296 --> 00:09:16,596
get into the frat he wanted.
192
00:09:19,951 --> 00:09:22,727
I guess this wasn't such
a bad place to grow up.
193
00:09:24,956 --> 00:09:27,123
Okay, Barney doesn't
look so bad,
194
00:09:27,125 --> 00:09:28,215
all things considered.
195
00:09:28,217 --> 00:09:31,218
-[groans]
-Oh, my God. That's Nelson.
196
00:09:31,296 --> 00:09:34,647
Haw-haw!
My life took a tragic turn.
197
00:09:34,724 --> 00:09:35,407
[groans]
198
00:09:35,725 --> 00:09:37,650
[Lisa]
Well, at least Dad's safe
199
00:09:37,652 --> 00:09:39,135
at the Retirement Castle.
200
00:09:39,154 --> 00:09:42,581
Ooh, if I hurry, I can see
him before 3:00 p.m. dinner.
201
00:09:45,902 --> 00:09:48,069
I'm sorry, no visitors today.
202
00:09:48,146 --> 00:09:49,979
All the seniors
are on a field trip
203
00:09:49,981 --> 00:09:51,164
to the Hard Candy Museum.
204
00:09:51,166 --> 00:09:54,167
Well, I'm disappointed
I can't see my dad,
205
00:09:54,169 --> 00:09:56,094
but also kind of relieved.
206
00:09:56,096 --> 00:09:57,654
You can relate, right?
207
00:09:57,656 --> 00:10:00,506
Oh, of course.
I'm also a horrible person.
208
00:10:00,659 --> 00:10:01,658
Now, if you'll excuse me,
209
00:10:01,935 --> 00:10:04,919
I have to go change
200 bedpans for minimum wage.
210
00:10:05,439 --> 00:10:08,998
So, I've got an hour to kill
before my speech.
211
00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:12,093
Ooh, maybe I'll drive by
my childhood home
212
00:10:12,095 --> 00:10:13,427
and get choked up
213
00:10:13,505 --> 00:10:17,190
about how grateful I am
not to live there anymore.
214
00:10:17,192 --> 00:10:19,025
["Da' Butt" by
Experience Unlimited playing]
215
00:10:19,027 --> 00:10:21,202
What is that music?
216
00:10:25,016 --> 00:10:26,941
[laughing]
217
00:10:26,943 --> 00:10:29,127
[grunts] Hiya! Hoo! Hah!
[grunts]
218
00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:31,779
Dad, what is going on here?
219
00:10:31,781 --> 00:10:33,022
Oh, crap.
220
00:10:33,041 --> 00:10:35,692
Please be a hallucination
from the mushrooms.
221
00:10:35,694 --> 00:10:37,694
Bart, what is going on here?
222
00:10:37,696 --> 00:10:40,363
And why isn't Dad
in the retirement home?
223
00:10:40,365 --> 00:10:44,291
Oh, I haven't lived there
for three years.
224
00:10:44,293 --> 00:10:45,126
D'oh!
225
00:10:45,720 --> 00:10:48,054
Wait, I've been sending you
the money for that place.
226
00:10:48,056 --> 00:10:50,373
What else
have you been lying about?
227
00:10:50,375 --> 00:10:54,486
Who's ready
for an exotic dancer?
228
00:10:54,562 --> 00:10:56,303
I wanted a stripper.
229
00:10:56,381 --> 00:10:59,382
Hold on, I just talked to you
at the Retirement Castle.
230
00:10:59,384 --> 00:11:01,642
Wh-- You're not
a real nurse at all.
231
00:11:01,720 --> 00:11:02,643
Yes, I am.
232
00:11:03,221 --> 00:11:05,722
I nurse part-time to put myself
through stripping school.
233
00:11:05,724 --> 00:11:08,500
See? I'm helping young women
achieve their dreams.
234
00:11:09,318 --> 00:11:11,895
[Lisa]
So you're running an unlicensed retirement home,
235
00:11:11,897 --> 00:11:14,914
and throwing parties with
the money I've been sending you?
236
00:11:14,991 --> 00:11:17,092
Would you stop doing that?
237
00:11:19,421 --> 00:11:20,420
[stripper]
Hmph.
238
00:11:20,496 --> 00:11:23,014
And you paid off
that nurse/stripper
239
00:11:23,016 --> 00:11:25,016
to keep me from finding out.
240
00:11:25,018 --> 00:11:26,576
Great news, Bart.
241
00:11:26,578 --> 00:11:28,335
I got Lenny and Carl's families
242
00:11:28,413 --> 00:11:30,096
to have their
social security checks
243
00:11:30,098 --> 00:11:33,583
sent directly to us. Ka-ching!
244
00:11:33,601 --> 00:11:35,193
Lisa Simpson!
245
00:11:35,195 --> 00:11:36,769
Wassup!
246
00:11:36,771 --> 00:11:38,029
Get out.
247
00:11:38,031 --> 00:11:39,680
All right!
248
00:11:40,442 --> 00:11:44,185
Okay, I've told a few fibs,
but since when is fraud a crime?
249
00:11:44,262 --> 00:11:46,312
Look, I'm good at
taking care of these guys.
250
00:11:46,389 --> 00:11:47,354
I'm super organized--
251
00:11:47,374 --> 00:11:50,625
Organized? Look at your keys.
252
00:11:51,194 --> 00:11:52,026
[Bart]
Hmm.
253
00:11:52,361 --> 00:11:55,088
What about them?
This is my command center.
254
00:11:56,383 --> 00:11:57,440
[tires screech]
255
00:11:57,442 --> 00:11:58,466
[loud crash]
256
00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:01,219
[gasps]
257
00:12:02,113 --> 00:12:04,630
Car drive Lenny crash good?
258
00:12:04,707 --> 00:12:06,299
Ugh, my car!
259
00:12:06,375 --> 00:12:09,543
I need to get to my speech
at Springfield Elementary.
260
00:12:09,545 --> 00:12:10,544
In my defense--
261
00:12:10,772 --> 00:12:13,790
In your defense?
You're a failure as a brother,
262
00:12:13,792 --> 00:12:15,792
a son, a human being,
263
00:12:15,794 --> 00:12:18,795
and given your shocking level
of irresponsibility,
264
00:12:18,797 --> 00:12:20,313
probably a father.
265
00:12:20,315 --> 00:12:23,983
Nobody gets pregnant from
the kind of sex I have.
266
00:12:24,060 --> 00:12:25,160
[gags]
267
00:12:26,229 --> 00:12:29,247
Yes, my dad's name
is Homer Simpson,
268
00:12:29,324 --> 00:12:32,584
and he lives
at 742 Evergreen Terrace.
269
00:12:32,735 --> 00:12:36,087
And now, the greatest person
to ever come out of Springfield,
270
00:12:36,164 --> 00:12:38,982
my personal hero, Lisa Simpson.
271
00:12:38,984 --> 00:12:41,075
[applause]
272
00:12:41,094 --> 00:12:42,652
Thank you, Amber.
273
00:12:42,654 --> 00:12:46,672
Today, I want to tell you
that if you work really hard
274
00:12:46,825 --> 00:12:48,341
and dream really big,
275
00:12:48,493 --> 00:12:51,060
you can become whatever
you want to be.
276
00:12:52,831 --> 00:12:55,331
But I don't have the energy
to lie like that today
277
00:12:55,333 --> 00:12:59,444
because I am so mad at
my failure of a brother, Bart.
278
00:12:59,595 --> 00:13:02,505
Just when I think
I'm numb to his punches,
279
00:13:02,507 --> 00:13:07,768
he starts kicking, kicking me
in the shins of my soul.
280
00:13:07,846 --> 00:13:09,287
[murmuring]
281
00:13:09,364 --> 00:13:12,606
Okay, let's all hear it
for Lisa Simpson.
282
00:13:12,608 --> 00:13:13,850
[grunting]
283
00:13:13,852 --> 00:13:17,036
How dare you interrupt
my onstage breakdown!
284
00:13:17,038 --> 00:13:18,755
[shouts]
285
00:13:21,876 --> 00:13:23,042
Goodbye, Lisa.
286
00:13:23,044 --> 00:13:24,302
And if you're ever back in town,
287
00:13:24,453 --> 00:13:27,263
by all means,
don't call us again.
288
00:13:31,219 --> 00:13:32,960
Just pretend it's a Tribble,
289
00:13:32,962 --> 00:13:35,054
and you want to hit it
out of the starship,
290
00:13:35,056 --> 00:13:36,297
through the air chute.
291
00:13:36,316 --> 00:13:36,689
Ah.
292
00:13:38,134 --> 00:13:40,710
[cheering]
293
00:13:40,712 --> 00:13:42,469
[laughs, sighs]
294
00:13:42,471 --> 00:13:44,714
Lisa, do you want
to come play with us?
295
00:13:44,732 --> 00:13:46,382
No, I really don't want to.
296
00:13:46,384 --> 00:13:50,236
I'll let you play your
saxomaphone at the dinner table.
297
00:13:50,313 --> 00:13:51,204
Hmm.
298
00:13:52,891 --> 00:13:54,666
-Way to go!
-[cheering]
299
00:13:55,168 --> 00:13:56,501
-Ha.
-Yeah!
300
00:13:56,652 --> 00:13:57,085
Ha. Ha!
301
00:13:59,080 --> 00:13:59,653
Hmm.
302
00:13:59,989 --> 00:14:02,065
Guys, guys, guys. Lenny's gone.
303
00:14:02,067 --> 00:14:05,026
-Mentally?
-Yes, but also gone gone.
304
00:14:05,028 --> 00:14:08,829
Oh, God. I knew I should have
put a bell on his suspenders.
305
00:14:08,831 --> 00:14:10,664
-Lenny!
-Mr. Leonard!
306
00:14:10,742 --> 00:14:12,016
Carl's friend!
307
00:14:12,168 --> 00:14:13,334
There he is!
308
00:14:13,912 --> 00:14:16,170
Hey, there, Lenny.
What you doing?
309
00:14:16,247 --> 00:14:17,930
Oh, what's it
look like I'm doing?
310
00:14:17,932 --> 00:14:20,191
I'm sitting at Moe's,
having a beer.
311
00:14:21,344 --> 00:14:23,603
But, Lenny, Moe's is down here.
312
00:14:23,755 --> 00:14:26,364
And this frosty beer
has your name on it.
313
00:14:26,515 --> 00:14:27,866
Oh, boy.
314
00:14:27,942 --> 00:14:29,442
[grunting]
315
00:14:29,518 --> 00:14:31,944
Okay, that was
kind of impressive.
316
00:14:32,097 --> 00:14:35,206
I guess you sort of care
about these guys,
317
00:14:35,283 --> 00:14:38,101
even if you are exploiting
and defrauding them.
318
00:14:38,103 --> 00:14:39,377
Oh, shut up.
319
00:14:39,454 --> 00:14:41,362
All you do is sit
in your big-city office
320
00:14:41,364 --> 00:14:44,382
and send checks, while I'm here
doing the heavy lifting,
321
00:14:44,459 --> 00:14:48,720
by which I mean putting Dad
on the toilet six times a day.
322
00:14:48,796 --> 00:14:50,113
-Ew.
-Even worse
323
00:14:50,131 --> 00:14:51,631
is getting him off that thing.
324
00:14:51,707 --> 00:14:53,707
You need a two-by-four
to break the suction.
325
00:14:53,727 --> 00:14:55,118
[shouts] Stop it.
326
00:14:55,136 --> 00:14:56,352
[tires screech]
327
00:14:58,139 --> 00:15:00,899
-Ah! Um, oh!
-They took him!
They took our friend!
328
00:15:00,901 --> 00:15:01,958
Bring back our friend!
329
00:15:01,960 --> 00:15:02,901
What happened?
330
00:15:02,977 --> 00:15:04,961
Men in a van...
331
00:15:04,963 --> 00:15:06,553
abducted Homer!
332
00:15:06,631 --> 00:15:07,980
And they left this.
333
00:15:07,982 --> 00:15:10,408
It's from
"Senior Protective Services."
334
00:15:10,410 --> 00:15:13,319
"Homer J. Simpson has been
placed in our custody,
335
00:15:13,396 --> 00:15:15,562
"due to a complaint from...
336
00:15:15,640 --> 00:15:17,749
Lisa Simpson."
337
00:15:17,900 --> 00:15:20,585
I just...
I-I mean, I never thought--
338
00:15:20,662 --> 00:15:22,478
In my defense--
339
00:15:22,664 --> 00:15:24,147
Oh, boy.
340
00:15:24,149 --> 00:15:25,481
We had a good thing going here,
341
00:15:25,483 --> 00:15:28,760
but you just had to come
and Lisa it up.
342
00:15:33,174 --> 00:15:34,432
I didn't know Senior Services
343
00:15:34,509 --> 00:15:35,600
would take Dad away.
344
00:15:35,936 --> 00:15:38,177
I called them when I thought
you were horrible at this,
345
00:15:38,179 --> 00:15:40,012
and not just occasionally good
346
00:15:40,089 --> 00:15:41,422
but still problematic.
347
00:15:41,441 --> 00:15:43,182
You want to hear something
really problem?
348
00:15:43,334 --> 00:15:45,351
We may never see
our father again,
349
00:15:45,353 --> 00:15:48,613
and he was doing way better here
than at the retirement home.
350
00:15:48,690 --> 00:15:50,022
All these guys are.
351
00:15:50,099 --> 00:15:53,434
Yeah, Bart treats us
with dignity and empathy.
352
00:15:53,511 --> 00:15:56,195
Those are the two other
strippers who drop by sometimes.
353
00:15:56,197 --> 00:15:58,772
Okay, but you still stole
from these guys,
354
00:15:58,850 --> 00:16:00,016
and from me.
355
00:16:00,185 --> 00:16:03,169
I only took the money
required for their needs.
356
00:16:05,114 --> 00:16:06,355
A Camaro?
357
00:16:06,357 --> 00:16:07,857
I wanted to get
an electric bike,
358
00:16:07,875 --> 00:16:09,467
but the guys insisted.
359
00:16:09,544 --> 00:16:10,543
He lets us wax it.
360
00:16:10,619 --> 00:16:12,953
It is as red
as the planet Arrakis.
361
00:16:13,031 --> 00:16:14,197
Dune reference.
362
00:16:14,215 --> 00:16:17,033
Bart drives us around
till we fall asleep.
363
00:16:17,035 --> 00:16:17,883
[groans]
364
00:16:18,127 --> 00:16:19,885
Yes, I'd like
to withdraw my complaint
365
00:16:19,962 --> 00:16:22,146
about my father's
living conditions.
366
00:16:22,223 --> 00:16:23,648
His name is Homer Simpson.
367
00:16:23,725 --> 00:16:26,225
[bureaucrat]
I'm sorry, ma'am. If I may read
368
00:16:26,377 --> 00:16:28,987
from the Elder Care Regulations: "no backsies."
369
00:16:29,063 --> 00:16:32,732
Your father is currently being transported to...
370
00:16:33,067 --> 00:16:33,883
Florida.
371
00:16:33,885 --> 00:16:35,159
[all gasp]
372
00:16:35,161 --> 00:16:37,662
No! That's become
a maximum-security prison
373
00:16:37,664 --> 00:16:39,055
for old folks.
374
00:16:39,057 --> 00:16:40,665
The old men are all kept here.
375
00:16:40,742 --> 00:16:44,393
Climate change really
sagged out the panhandle.
376
00:16:44,395 --> 00:16:45,944
No one ever gets out of there.
377
00:16:46,022 --> 00:16:47,154
What are we going to do?
378
00:16:47,232 --> 00:16:49,398
I don't know.
Give me space to think.
379
00:16:49,400 --> 00:16:51,325
-Think!
-Think, Lisa!
380
00:16:51,327 --> 00:16:53,344
Just cut out all distractions
and think.
381
00:16:53,421 --> 00:16:54,512
Think faster! Think now!
382
00:16:54,739 --> 00:16:56,014
Use your brain and think!
Are you thinking?
383
00:16:56,016 --> 00:16:57,757
[screams]
384
00:16:58,000 --> 00:17:00,727
-CARL: Think! Think! Think!
-COMIC BOOK GUY:
Think-think-think-think-think!
385
00:17:01,746 --> 00:17:03,021
[sighs]
386
00:17:03,023 --> 00:17:05,857
There's got to be some way
to get Dad back.
387
00:17:05,933 --> 00:17:07,066
[groans]
388
00:17:08,603 --> 00:17:10,344
Ugh, why would he keep this?
389
00:17:10,421 --> 00:17:12,363
Does he think it's still cool?
390
00:17:13,441 --> 00:17:16,534
This is Mom's handwriting.
And phrasing.
391
00:17:17,262 --> 00:17:20,096
"Marge Simpson Emotional Will?"
392
00:17:20,098 --> 00:17:22,540
[gasps]
No one has ever seen this.
393
00:17:22,542 --> 00:17:26,193
Homer, in the very unlikely circumstance
394
00:17:26,271 --> 00:17:27,712
that I die before you,
395
00:17:27,714 --> 00:17:29,789
please know that I'll always be there,
396
00:17:29,865 --> 00:17:31,791
in the sizzle of your bacon,
397
00:17:31,793 --> 00:17:33,367
the bubble of your beer
398
00:17:33,386 --> 00:17:35,369
and in all the other things that will kill you
399
00:17:35,446 --> 00:17:37,221
so that we can be together again.
400
00:17:37,298 --> 00:17:39,373
Maggie, my little chatterbox,
401
00:17:39,450 --> 00:17:40,783
I hope you achieved your goal
402
00:17:40,802 --> 00:17:43,728
of becoming an auctioneer for farm equipment.
403
00:17:43,730 --> 00:17:45,121
She did.
404
00:17:45,139 --> 00:17:46,564
And Bart and Lisa,
405
00:17:46,566 --> 00:17:49,959
many years ago, I told you both to lean on each other
406
00:17:49,961 --> 00:17:52,719
and not drift apart. My dearest hope
407
00:17:52,797 --> 00:17:54,721
is that you're looking out for each other
408
00:17:54,799 --> 00:17:58,317
and sharing a lifelong journey together.
409
00:17:58,394 --> 00:18:00,561
We didn't do any of that stuff.
410
00:18:00,580 --> 00:18:03,489
Because I suck. [cries]
411
00:18:03,566 --> 00:18:05,249
We both suck.
412
00:18:05,326 --> 00:18:08,144
You really have done
a good job with these guys.
413
00:18:08,146 --> 00:18:10,070
And yes,
you bought a fancy car,
414
00:18:10,148 --> 00:18:13,216
but I suppose it's okay
to splurge on one thing.
415
00:18:16,821 --> 00:18:18,654
You know what? Mom may be gone,
416
00:18:18,656 --> 00:18:21,265
but we can still
make her wishes come true
417
00:18:21,417 --> 00:18:25,252
by collaborating on
a surgical extraction operation.
418
00:18:25,271 --> 00:18:26,086
Huh?
419
00:18:26,088 --> 00:18:28,422
A kick-ass rescue mission.
420
00:18:28,424 --> 00:18:29,348
Huh!
421
00:18:29,500 --> 00:18:31,275
["Jailbreak"
by Thin Lizzy playing]
422
00:18:31,427 --> 00:18:33,853
♪ Tonight, there's gonna be a jailbreak... ♪
423
00:18:33,929 --> 00:18:36,705
Can you turn down the music?
424
00:18:36,707 --> 00:18:39,525
No can do.
Rocking tunes help me haul ass.
425
00:18:39,602 --> 00:18:42,011
♪ Tonight, Bart's gonna do a Dad-break ♪
426
00:18:42,029 --> 00:18:43,937
♪ So don't you be around... ♪
427
00:18:44,015 --> 00:18:45,748
[gasps] There they are.
428
00:18:49,278 --> 00:18:50,944
-Dad! Dad!
-Dad! Dad!
429
00:18:50,964 --> 00:18:53,189
-It's us!
-It's your kids!
430
00:18:53,191 --> 00:18:54,523
Hi, Bart and Lisa.
431
00:18:54,542 --> 00:18:57,951
I'm getting a free bus ride
because I'm smart.
432
00:18:58,029 --> 00:19:01,788
Don't wave at them.
They might be escaped prisoners.
433
00:19:01,808 --> 00:19:03,532
Oh, Gladys, that's ridiculous.
434
00:19:03,534 --> 00:19:06,719
♪ Tonight, there's gonna be a jailbreak. ♪
435
00:19:06,795 --> 00:19:07,887
[all screaming]
436
00:19:07,963 --> 00:19:09,647
Step on it!
437
00:19:13,653 --> 00:19:17,196
Once they cross over the state
line, we'll never see Dad again.
438
00:19:18,658 --> 00:19:21,384
Bart, remember our favorite
Itchy and Scratchy?
439
00:19:21,386 --> 00:19:22,902
You mean the one
where Itchy reanimates
440
00:19:22,904 --> 00:19:24,403
the corpse of Ty Cobb
so he can slide
441
00:19:24,480 --> 00:19:26,164
spikes-first
into Scratchy's face?
442
00:19:26,315 --> 00:19:28,224
No, our other favorite.
443
00:19:28,226 --> 00:19:29,959
Right. Let's do it.
444
00:19:34,823 --> 00:19:36,749
[water pouring]
445
00:19:36,825 --> 00:19:38,092
[water pouring gets louder]
446
00:19:40,513 --> 00:19:42,346
-Pull over, I gotta go!
-Pull over!
447
00:19:42,423 --> 00:19:45,241
-Potty emergency!
-I can't hold it,
I gotta take a leak!
448
00:19:45,243 --> 00:19:48,244
Now, just hold it in, pallies.
We're almost there.
449
00:19:48,246 --> 00:19:49,854
[chanting]
We've gotta whiz!
450
00:19:49,931 --> 00:19:51,931
Whiz!
451
00:19:51,933 --> 00:19:53,191
[yelps]
452
00:19:56,529 --> 00:19:58,070
[groaning]
453
00:19:59,014 --> 00:20:01,440
[Homer whimpering] Ah...
454
00:20:01,517 --> 00:20:03,117
[Itchy and Scratchy
theme music playing]
455
00:20:05,872 --> 00:20:06,871
[popping noise]
456
00:20:06,873 --> 00:20:08,748
[yelping]
457
00:20:10,785 --> 00:20:12,693
[Homer grunts]
458
00:20:12,712 --> 00:20:13,694
-[Bart laughs]
-Yay!
459
00:20:13,713 --> 00:20:14,879
-We saved him!
-We saved him!
460
00:20:14,956 --> 00:20:17,623
Whoo-hoo! Oh, yeah!
We did save him!
461
00:20:17,700 --> 00:20:18,758
Who him?
462
00:20:19,886 --> 00:20:22,611
[Homer]
Also, I still need to pee.
463
00:20:22,630 --> 00:20:23,596
Actually, no, I'm fine.
464
00:20:25,132 --> 00:20:27,800
It's so good to have
you home, Dad.
465
00:20:27,802 --> 00:20:28,893
And we're just in time to watch
466
00:20:28,895 --> 00:20:31,103
the new
Itchy and Scratchy reboot.
467
00:20:32,139 --> 00:20:32,897
♪ They fight, uh-huh ♪
468
00:20:33,048 --> 00:20:34,623
♪ And bite, whoo ♪
469
00:20:34,625 --> 00:20:36,717
♪ Just like they did before, okay ♪
470
00:20:36,794 --> 00:20:38,627
♪ Fight, fight, fight, like before ♪
471
00:20:38,629 --> 00:20:40,738
♪ The Itchy and Scratchy reboot ♪
472
00:20:40,815 --> 00:20:42,990
♪ Yeah, boy! ♪
473
00:20:44,635 --> 00:20:47,636
I'm just so happy
my kids are close again.
474
00:20:47,638 --> 00:20:50,564
Luv, we'll be late
for the heaven buffet.
475
00:20:50,566 --> 00:20:52,083
There's a shrimp tower.
476
00:20:52,085 --> 00:20:54,643
Okay, Ringo.
And I'm just so glad
477
00:20:54,645 --> 00:20:57,496
we're allowed to marry
different people in heaven.
478
00:20:58,816 --> 00:21:00,983
Captioning sponsored by
20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION
479
00:21:00,985 --> 00:21:02,985
and FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY
480
00:21:02,987 --> 00:21:04,745
and TOYOTA.
481
00:21:04,747 --> 00:21:06,472
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
482
00:21:10,919 --> 00:21:12,728
♪
483
00:21:50,793 --> 00:21:51,726
Shh!
34937
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