Original subtitles

I like to get a feel for the space

before a big performance.

You know, connect to the dance floor.

It's tight.

So every year,

we do one of those fancy galas.

You know, raise money for the hospital kind of thing.

And there's a Dancing with the Doctors competition.

Last few years, I've come in second place,

which I suspect is because

of various partner-based weaknesses.

So this year, I'm going solo.

It's just Bruce-ic and the music.

Yeah, tonight's the night.

I feel it.

Why do meatballs feel so much fancier

when they're on a stick?

OK, Seinfeld, let's hit the open bar, huh?

What's the deal with meatballs on sticks?

Sticks belong outside.

Uh-huh. Honey, it's good, it's good.

So are jokes about urologists too easy or just easy enough?

Actually, I was hoping this year, your hosting duties

could focus less on the funny and more on the money.

Yeah, well, I kind of want them to come back

and donate again next year,

so I wanna concentrate on keeping them laughing

and making sure they're having fun.

OK, yes, of course, make it fun.

Oh, you know what?

Amelia Irving just divorced a real estate tycoon

and she gave $10 million to U of O.

Oh, she is bitter and looking to spend that settlement.

You want me to say that?

No.

But you could say, hey, it's raining in Seattle.

Why don't you make it rain here?

Oh, she's from Seattle. I forgot to set that up.

- Mm-hmm. - This is big money, Ron.

I'm gonna keep texting you money jokes.

One of them requires a Dr. Evil accent.

Cannot believe Joyce put you on the judging panel.

That has way too much power for you.

I know.

She's decided I'm cool, which is the first thing

that's ever made me question my coolness.

No more iPad.

And that is the last mom thing I'm doing tonight.

- Really? - Yes.

And Cindy is actually staying the night,

and so we got a hotel room nearby.

Oh, got it all planned out.

No, not a plan. No.

Just like like a, you know, like a goal, really.

I just want to, like, turn off my mom-work brain

and just drink and dance.

Maybe I'll take a shot.

The last time Tim and I went out without the kids

was last year's gala,

and I ended up taking over the coat check

because their ticketing system was just a mess.

But this year, I'm focused on having fun with Tim

and just letting loose

and avoiding the coat check

because the same guy is in charge and it's insane.

Like, he does not know what he's doing.

Try not to scuff the floor if you can.

Yeah, OK.

Whoa, Matthew, a little overdressed, are we?

Agent double-O-zero over here.

I... I didn't know how to...

Great, now, I got to rework

the top of my act to include this.

OK, love this.

Never been to a gala before,

so I probably shouldn't have asked my mom what to wear,

but still excited for tonight.

Nice to be out on the town with Serena.

I mean, not... not with her.

It's not a... it's not a date.

But, you know, dinner, drinks, dancing,

all the elements are there, so just pointing that out.

Guys, I've been here for 15 minutes.

Why am I not drunk yet?

I... I could get you a drink.

Thanks, Matty.

I'll do a double WhistlePig with a ginger back.

Yeah, that... that's a classic.

I would take a white wine.

Old fashioned for me, please.

Dirty martini, olives, no onions.

I should probably be writing these down.

Yeah, no drinks for me.

If you could get a few bags of ice for lates,

that'd be much apreesh. - Got it.

Table nine, Matt's getting us drinks.

Welcome to the Saint Denis annual gala and fundraiser.

Tonight, we are raising money for a very worthy cause,

our pharmacy department's addiction to pills.

I'm kidding.

We all know you get them for free.

We have some very important people in the house tonight.

Is that Ken Tran, head of neuro over there?

Guys, give it up for Ken.

New suit, same bad hair plugs.

Normally, I can't tell the head of neuro he has bad hair plugs

without being sent to HR.

But tonight, Ron is king,

and he shall do as he pleases.

Ladies and gentlemen...

- Rain. - Enjoy yourselves tonight.

Eat, drink, network... - Donations.

And if you end up talking to anyone from pathology,

I am sorry.

Ron, um,

I don't think you saw me over there.

Yeah, I saw you waving wildly

like an inflatable outside of a Honda dealership.

Joyce, I'm not going to beg these people for donations.

That kills the party mood.

It's not about the mood, it's about the moola.

Could you just relax and let me do my thing?

And I told him Fosse is a hack.

The thing about dance...

and don't feel bad for not knowing this,

most people don't...

but the thing about dance is

it's all about where you focus your energy.

- Wow. - I know.

You know what, Bruce?

I can't wait for your dance.

I think it's going to be amazing.

Babe!

Dang, Alex, are you drunk already?

I'm just letting loose, baby!

All right.

We did pregame a little in the parking lot.

Downed some Bailey's that my mom got us for Christmas.

Yeah.

We took some Lactaid and we are feeling ourselves.

Oh, ma'am, please go ahead.

Oh, thank you, dear.

Oh, yeah, of... of course.

You know, I had my hip replaced last year,

so it's hard for me to stand a long time.

Oh, OK.

You know, I used to be a chorus girl at the Riviera.

- Is that right? - I'm Rosie.

Now, my physical therapist said...

Um, so sorry.

Should... should we hop in the drinks line?

Oh, I don't drink.

I was just on the way to the ladies room.

Of course. Could I?

No? All right, to the back of the line.

Well, I'm just saying

you could treat heart disease

or brain cancer, but no, no,

you guys were, like, penises or bust.

Let's bring up our next group of dancers.

Hello, hello, hello.

Paging Dr. Joyce Henderson.

I'm right here.

What are you doing?

I am co-hosting this event with Dr. Ron.

Two emcees. Fun, right?

Oh, hey, is that the Kumars over there?

Hey, how's the trucking business going?

'Cause there's one truck I hope you brought tonight.

Beep, beep, beep,

beep, beep, beep,

the money truck.

Hi, could I get a double WhistlePig,

two scotch and sodas,

a martini, an old fashioned, and a glass of white wine?

Chardonnay or Sauvignon blanc?

Oh. Uh, I don't know.

Maybe... maybe both.

And for the old fashioned, do you want bourbon or rye?

Let... let me just text them really quick.

Yeah, sure. Just step to the side.

I'll help the next guest here. - Oh, no, no, no,

I'll take one of each of those also, please.

OK, and is that a gin martini or a vodka martini?

Just come on, man.

And at the end,

Scrooge realizes that he is happiest

when he is generous with his money.

I mean, that's a good lesson for us all to learn, right?

Generosity with your money.

OK, why don't we bring up our next performers, Dr. Lee,

and our very own Dr. Brady doing the cha-cha?

Oh.

And I'd like to hear the cha-ching

of credit cards being swiped over at the donation table.

Hey, hey, can we get a glass of water up here

for my friend, Joyce?

'Cause I think she's a little thirsty.

But you got to blame that on my guys over there at table four,

the psych department, for not spotting this sooner.

What is the clinical term

for so desperate for money it's embarrassing?

Got her.

Oh, hey, Keith.

Hey, you remember my husband, Tim?

Ah. Oh, yeah, hey.

Parents night out, huh? - Yeah.

So where are the kids tonight?

No, we don't... we don't have any kids, Keith.

Oh, I'm sorry. I... I thought you had two.

Well, no, we had kids yesterday,

and we'll have them tomorrow, but we don't have them tonight.

Oh, wait, seriously?

Yeah, we also don't have a mortgage.

Or a dog with bad eczema.

Or a bossy mother-in-law.

- Huh? - Hey, let's get a refill.

It's good to see you. - Yeah, see you, Kyle.

My wife said if you're afraid of small talk,

just ask about people's family.

It always works.

Well, it didn't, Linda.

It didn't.

They said that my accident

should have left me in a wheelchair.

Until Dr. Bruce saved me

With the power of

d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-dance.

♪ Right about now

♪ The funk soul brother

♪ Check it out now

♪ The funk soul brother

♪ Right about now

♪ The funk soul brother

♪ Check it out now

♪ The funk soul brother

♪ Right about now

♪ The funk soul brother

♪ Check it out now

♪ The funk soul brother

Yes!

Oh, my God!

Whoo, Bruce!

Amazing.

With a score of 28,

that puts Dr. Schweitz in the lead.

Not a perfect score,

but he's got to feel good about that effort.

One more time for Dr. Schweitz!

Uh, yeah, I'm happy.

I mean, technically, it felt, uh...

flawless.

But according to that eight, apparently not.

I don't believe in giving 10s.

A 10 means you can't imagine anything better.

Like, Ryan Gosling is the hottest man alive,

but is he a 10?

No, he's a nine.

Ryan Reynolds is a six.

The stone is beautiful.

Wall-to-wall rocks,

just an incredible amount of rocks.

I'd love to see it.

Hey, guys, I have your drinks here.

Oh, did I take your seat, Matt?

Uh, yeah, a little bit.

Oh, OK.

Oh, I needed this. Thank you.

Oh, don't mention it.

That was from me, actually.

I... I... - Shots!

Hello, my friends.

How did you get those so fast?

There's another bar upstairs.

You gotta be kidding me.

I don't want you to take this the wrong way,

but I'm gonna miss Fun Alex on Monday.

- Ah, honey, look at that. - Wow.

You picked up a new nickname tonight.

Thank you. That's so sweet.

You know what I heard

is that when I go back to being my normal self,

my friend will be disappointed, but that's still very sweet.

No, no, no, no.

I just mean you seem so relaxed and carefree.

I was gonna to say the same thing.

I think. It's... it's really hard to hear.

Matthew, you're shouting.

You know, in just a couple more years,

the kids won't need a babysitter.

And then, Fun Alex is gonna be out on these streets

every week just tossing back these shots.

Not these ones, probably.

They seem disgusting, but still, you know?

Couple more years!

- Whoo! - Whoo!

Unless we have another kid

and it puts us back in the weeds.

- I'd rather... - Although, Ella could babysit.

Oh, my God. Another kid?

Come on. Can you imagine?

What?

We're not... come on, baby.

We're not having another. We talked about this.

Yeah. Or did we?

I... I... I guess I didn't know

you made an official decision about it, but.

Yeah.

Sorry. It's really hard to hear.

Did you guys say you're having another kid?

Congrats!

No, Matt, we're not having another kid.

Oh, OK.

Uh, congrats to that.

Matthew, cut the.

Are you ready to see some more doctors

try and dance away their midlife crisis?

Well, guard your wallets,

because Joyce Henderson will try and pick your pocket

when your head is turned.

Hardy-har-har.

Very funny, Ron.

Oh, looks like she's finally starting to relax.

Looks like somebody's been hitting that Chardonnay.

Maybe if I had a drink, I'd finally find you funny.

Speaking of funny, have you guys seen Joyce's hair tonight?

Oh, Ron, you're just jealous 'cause all your hair

ran off of your head and settled on your back.

It's true.

All right, that's enough from that heckler.

I don't know.

Should I go back up there and help him out, you guys?

Yeah!

What? Oh!

So I just heard that some

of the derm department isn't having so much fun tonight.

Would it... - Would it kill you to smile?

Oh, it would. Well, then lay off the Botox.

Boom.

That was... that was my punch line.

Yeah, but you didn't. Keep up. Come on, Ron.

Hey, geriatrics?

What's going on here? Should I be worried?

Why don't we bring up our next dancer?

Ooh, Ron wants to get back to work.

That's new.

No, because remember, we were at Baskin-Robbins,

and the guy was getting mad at you for taking so many samples?

I think he was just stressed out because it was busy.

I don't think I set him off. - Right. No, I know.

But then there was that family that had three kids,

and I was like, oh, my God,

having another kid would be insane.

And you were like, uh-huh.

I don't think it was uh-huh, exclamation point.

I think was uh-huh, dot, dot, dot.

I'm listening. Go on. - Right.

Well, yeah, I think we should just table it

for now, though, 'cause, you know, it's date night.

And we don't have any kids, so. - Right.

Shouldn't we at least decide when we...

I think we should just table it for now.

- If that's what you think. - Yeah.

Hey, anyone want to dance?

Yes, I'll grab another drink and meet you out there.

No one get in any more passive-aggressive fights

until I get back, OK?

We're not. It's fine.

It's so fun.

Oh, thank you. That means a lot.

Oh, hi.

How... how's your night going?

- Pretty good, actually. - Yeah?

About an 8 out of 10?

You should be happy.

Eight is the highest score I've given tonight.

Oh, I'm happy. Happy, happy, happy.

I'm just wondering, though, what...

what could I have done better?

You know, just so I can improve for next year.

- Honestly, Bruce... - Mm-hmm?

Your technicals were flawless.

- Agree. - Your choreography, inspiring.

- Obviously. - But you wanted it too bad.

Like, the whole performance just screamed,

love me, love me, please, someone just love me.

That's crazy.

Are you serious? No.

No, no, no. I don't...

I don't feel that way inside.

Well, that's what it looked like to me.

Anyway, your fly's down.

Oh, it's down a little bit.

Down a little bit.

Not enough to even mention.

There's a guy over there looks like our dentist.

Oh, yeah, a little bit. Yeah.

- It's the mustache. - Yeah.

Can I say one last thing?

I know that we're busy and it would not be easy,

but if we wanted to have another kid,

we'd make the time. That's all I'm gonna say.

I don't wanna get into it, OK, honey?

Because I will just say

that I think you think that making time

is easier than it actually is,

so... oh, hey!

Look who it is! It's Keith!

Guys, I'd like you to meet my wife, Linda.

Hi.

I'm not saying that it would be easy.

Linda's a dog trainer.

Yeah, honey, I said I don't want to talk about it.

I know. I'm not trying to talk-talk about it. I just...

I like your tux!

Uh, thanks.

So you can dance here now,

but I am saving the spot for someone,

so when they get here, you... you do have to move.

What?

So you can dance here right now...

I'm just saying that it's us and we can make it work.

It's not if we can make it work, baby.

It's if we want to.

Well, why wouldn't we want to?

Well, even with two kids, I've had one night this year

where I don't feel constantly worried

and like I'm behind on an endless list of tasks.

I get that, but one more member of our family

is just another person to love.

I don't know if I have enough love to give another person.

And our final performance, retired Dr. Henry Tenon,

back to dance with his daughter, Dr. Katie Tenon.

You know, before our last dance,

can we just give it up for Dr. Ron?

Bringing it every year.

I don't know how he can find time

to write all these jokes between naps, but he does.

Well, how about Joyce?

Desperate for your money,

but I see equally desperate for your applause.

Where does that come from? I don't know.

Take it up with her therapist.

Oh, Ron, so sad and bitter.

You know, you've heard of McDreamy.

Meet McGrumpy.

What's white, blonde,

and didn't have her first kiss till she was 39?

Joyce Henderson, ladies and gentlemen.

You know, your wife is dating a much younger, more fit man.

Yeah, well, your loser boyfriend's

at home polishing his action figures.

"Warhammer" figurines!

That fight, ten out of ten.

No notes.

Katie's trotting out her father.

A bit manipulative.

I mean, they're barely using the space.

Come on.

Oh, my God, a home video?

Really?

Oh, that is tender.

She's twirling him now.

She's twirling him.

Money, money, money.

The hospital needs money. - Totally.

And sorry, it's my first year,

but isn't tonight about raising money?

Of course, it's... it's just the way she said it.

It's too much.

Oh, because she cares too much.

Right.

You're missing the whole point, Matt.

So the hospital doesn't need money?

You know what? Get out of here.

Got it.

Just here to get a glass of zin,

and then I'll be on my way.

Well, you do you.

An old fashioned.

Amelia Irving?

That's me. Hi.

Joyce Henderson.

I'm the Executive Director of St. Denis.

I'm so jazzed that you're here today.

Thank you. - Of course.

And great job up there, you two.

It was like a slightly funnier version of my marriage.

I mean... but I am truly sorry about the divorce

and everything that happened

as a result of that massage parlor raid.

Right.

Well, it was nice to meet you.

Ms. Irving?

I'm sorry.

Joyce can be annoying

sometimes... - Ron?

Because she's so passionate.

I've never met someone with more of a commitment

to the future of this place

or any place, really, than Joyce.

I'm sorry if I'm embarrassing you.

No, not at all. Not at all.

Truth is, I couldn't do what I do without the good work

of doctors like Ron.

You know, they do so much with so little.

Just imagine if they had more, you know?

She doesn't have to imagine.

You know, some people have a five-year plan.

This maniac has a 20-year plan.

Wow.

What kind of ideas are we talking about?

I do have a PowerPoint presentation.

Well, you want to know how it went with Amelia?

Gee, I don't know, Ron, what do you think?

Well, let me think.

Blammo!

$10 million!

Shh, shh, shh.

No, we're not in a fight.

No, one of us just wants another kid,

and the other one doesn't.

That's not... actually, I don't want that necessarily.

I just want her... or you... or her

to, you know, include me in the discussion.

Of course, he's part of the...

of course, you're part of the discussion.

She can't help it.

She just steamrolls ahead sometimes.

And that sounds bad.

It's not great.

What I mean is it's a good thing.

She's decisive and smart

and, you know, pretty much the engine for our entire family.

You are.

Babe.

And I'm, obviously, there to move heavy furniture

and carry our kids on my shoulders at the zoo.

They get so sweaty.

We have the sweatiest kids.

Just sopping.

I'm sorry I put so much on your uh-huh.

Of course, we'll keep discussing it.

Definitely not tonight. This is my bad.

I feel like I ruined our date night.

No, it's...

we still have that hotel room.

What are we still doing here?

Let's go.

Sorry, guys. We have to go.

Oh! No, honey, my shoes.

I'll buy you new ones.

Dude, this isn't my coat.

Gucci?

You know what? This is my coat.

All right.

All right, what's done is done.

I may not respect your score,

but I'm a big enough man to accept it.

OK, cool.

Oh.

One more thing.

I will be informing Joyce

that you were inebriated during your duties as dance judge.

I'm sorry, I have too much integrity to turn a blind eye.

Sure, man.

Hey. Enjoy your first gala?

Ah, it was OK.

Um, not really what I expected.

I know. The food sucked this year.

I didn't really get to eat anything.

I spent a shockingly long time in the bar line.

We should go get McDonald's.

Oh, I could eat so many nuggets right now.

Oh. Yeah, that'd be great.

So tonight didn't go exactly as I hoped it would.

Didn't get to dance or really drink with Serena.

Chaplain Steve still seems to have it out for me,

but Serena and I did get to have some dinner,

just the two of us, so...

I really wasn't shouting.