Original subtitles

Smell this.

I will not.

I just want to know if I can wear it again.

Well, I think if you have to ask, you have your answer.

Great.

Hey, before I forget,

will you pick up a few things for me at the hardware store?

Ugh, I hate going there.

Why? They treat me like I'm an idiot.

Really? They're always nice to me.

Gee, I wonder what the difference is.

One of us is too fancy to smell a shirt?

Well, I'm a woman, Georgie.

They talk down to me and then they hit on me.

Well, that's got to feel nice. No.

There's places I get treated different, too,

'cause I'm a man.

Really? Like where?

Uh, like when I take CeeCee to the park.

All the moms act like I'm some kind of hero

for taking care of my kid.

That's your example?

Yeah, and then they hit on me.

It-it was horrible?

Here you go. Thank you.

Nice keychain.

It's my wife's car.

Makes sense.

I did not peg you as a bedazzled Miata man.

Hey, let me ask you something,

why didn't your wife bring it in?

I don't know. She makes me do the car stuff.

Hmm. Makes sense. Mm.

You think there's anything in here

that would make her feel uncomfortable?

Why?

I just think it'd be great if this were a place

your wife wanted to come.

Why do you want my wife to come here?

No, not just your wife, any wife.

And not just wives-- moms, daughters, we want 'em all.

Okay.

Hey, tell your wife, McAllister Auto loves the ladies.

Do I want to know?

You ever wonder why we don't get many women customers?

Not after that.

Well, I've come to realize

there's some places women don't feel welcome,

and I don't want this to be one of 'em.

Well, cars are just more of a guy thing.

Women drive cars, too.

That's why there's so many accidents, am I right?

You might be onto something.

Why are you reading Cosmo?

Trying to learn how women think.

Did you know there's a lot of dirty stuff in here?

Are there pictures?

Sometimes.

Hmm. Listen to this,

"The Health Benefits of Sex."

"Travels in His... Erogenous Zone"?

I don't know what that is.

"11 Secrets of World-Class Lovers."

11? I only got two, three tops.

"Number one: Communication."

Mm, next.

"Number two: Be enthusiastic."

Brother, if a girl's getting naked, I'm enthusiastic.

Agreed. Mm-hmm.

"Number three: Engage the senses."

What's that mean?

Mm, "Soft lighting, scented candles."

Ugh, boring. Next.

Ooh, this is good. "When to lick and when to bite."

Ooh.

What are you jackasses doing?

Learning about women.

Uh, for business purposes. Mm-hmm.

How does "licking and biting" help business?

Well, that one don't,

but there's other things in here that can.

Wait, go back, what are we licking, what are we biting?

Go back to fixing cars.

Okay, okay.

So what's the answer?

I figure, with just a few changes, we could be the only

woman-friendly tire store in town.

This ought to be good. What changes?

For starters, we got some lady magazines for the waiting area.

And flavored creamers for the coffee.

Fat-free. Y'all like fat-free.

We picked up a few of them fancy-smelling candles.

Did you at least clean the bathroom?

Don't need to. We got candles.

Did it ever occur to you to ask a woman what she'd like?

No.

In our defense, there weren't none around.

And now there are. So what you got?

Well, first of all, candles are not cleaning products.

At 12 bucks a pop, they should be.

You spent 12 bucks on a candle?

It was lavender.

Candles aren't gonna change anything.

Tire stores are just kind of a dude space.

Okay, well, what if a woman worked there?

Mm. I can't afford another employee.

Well, Mrs. McAllister could do it.

You want me there?

You want her there?

Oh, you were surprised, too.

I suppose I could come in a few days a week.

Jim, what do you think?

Um...

always love having you around.

Nice try.

No, honey, really, it's great.

Just move on.

You want to make the store more woman-friendly,

first thing we do is clean the bathroom.

Fair enough.

Probably gonna need a toilet seat, too.

Oh, my God.

So...

you're gonna be working with my mom. That's fun.

You being sarcastic?

Oh, could you not tell? Here, let me try again.

That's fun!

It's gonna be fine.

You have no concerns?

She'll get to see me in my element, doing what I do best.

I don't know, Georgie,

it kind of seems like the frog and the boiling water.

What's that?

Well, it's a metaphor.

The frog is in a pot of water, and the heat gets turned up

little by little so it doesn't notice it's boiling.

Who's boiling a frog?

It doesn't matter.

Are they making frog soup?

It's not a real thing.

Oh, good, 'cause I would not eat frog soup.

I-I'm just saying,

my mom's gradually starting to like you,

so maybe don't turn up the heat too fast.

Okay, I get it, I get it.

Okay, good.

Good night. Good night.

Can I tell you a secret? Sure.

When I was little, I had one of those stuffed frog toys.

Uh-huh? It freaked me out.

So... should we carpool tomorrow?

Well, we are going to the same place.

We sure are.

You worried about me and you spending so much time together?

What? No. Dream team.

What about me and Georgie?

Very worried.

Me, too.

Well...

...you could try being nice to him.

I know, but sometimes his sunny optimism

just makes me want to tear him apart with my words.

That's a joke, right?

Of course.

I want to believe you.

Can I get the keys to the Chevy?

Yeah, sure thing.

Good morning, Ruben.

Oh. Hey, Mrs. McAllister. This is a nice surprise.

Yeah, she gonna be helping us out up front for a while.

Phasing Georgie out. Love it.

We're not phasing anyone out.

Hey.

Oh, come on, he's right there. Do it.

You try any of those flavored creamers?

Hazelnut's pretty tasty.

I prefer half-and-half.

You know, I have always wondered,

what's the half and what's the other half?

It's cream and milk.

Hmm, kind of a letdown.

How we doing over here?

Great. She's a fountain of information.

Drink from me.

So what's the plan?

Well, for starters, I think I'm gonna go buy some plants,

flowers, ooh,

maybe a little music.

Mm, engaging the senses.

That's right out of Cosmo.

And this floor,

does it bother you that it's sticky?

Well, no, that's a safety precaution.

Yeah. Never had a slip and fall.

Jim, it's filthy.

Well, we're not eating off it, we're walking on it.

Georgie, go to the hardware store

and buy a mop, Pine-Sol, some wire brushes.

I can pick up that toilet seat while I'm at it.

This is my second cup of coffee. Please hurry.

Off to a good start.

Yeah, you bet.

Shut up.

What you doing?

Uh, a pan in the dishwasher's making a cool rhythm.

So, you're not on any drugs at all, this is just you?

I do take a multivitamin.

Are you snorting it?

Who needs a drummer? I got a Maytag.

Hey, make sure you try the new toilet seat.

I got the deluxe padded kind.

I did. Terrific.

Let's just try to keep in mind

that most of our customers are men.

We don't want to scare 'em off.

Oh, I'm sorry,

I didn't realize flowers were so scary.

All right, enough. You know what I meant.

Look, a lady. It's working.

Hey, Jim.

Rita, you remember

my wife Audrey. Hi. Hi.

Love what you've done with the place.

That was all Mrs. McAllister.

Oh, it was a team effort, and you know it.

Well, it looks great.

Oh, she ain't a customer. That don't count.

Just think about it-- a Mother's Day sale,

all moms get half off. We'd lose money.

In the short term,

but you'd gain clients who would come back,

and not just on Mother's Day. You got your President's Day,

your Labor Day, your Yom Kippur.

Hey, how'd it go?

Your mom and I are a great team.

Oh, stop, you were gonna make that sale before I walked over.

Wow, so you two really got along.

They really, really did.

What's for dinner?

Uh, Connor ordered a pizza.

Great.

Connor.

Yeah. You ordered a pizza?

On its way.

Yes, I'd like to order a pizza.

I'm just saying, a new coat of paint out front

would really freshen the place up.

Yeah, let me guess, pink?

Don't be silly.

Terracotta.

The hell is terracotta?

Oh, like an earthy red, very classy.

It doesn't matter. We don't have the budget for painters.

Oh, you don't need to hire anybody. Me and Ruben'll do it.

Do what?

Paint the outside of the store.

Oh. 'Cause I'm Hispanic, I know how to paint buildings?

No, no, no, that ain't what I meant.

And for the record,

I've never once thought of you as Hispanic.

What do you think I am?

Well, mean and unhappy.

That's fair.

God, you're a handsome devil.

What you watching?

Clint Eastwood.

Oh, the one with the monkey?

The best.

You ever wonder what happened to the monkey?

I always hoped he'd retired someplace nice.

You know... Florida, Arizona.

You know, speaking of unlikely friends,

Mom and Georgie, huh?

Yeah, it's nice.

It is. It's really nice.

It's a little weird, though.

So weird.

You should see 'em at the store all buddy-buddy.

It's creepy.

You know, if she's not being hard on him,

it's gonna come out at someone else.

Am I a bad father for hoping it's you?

Yes.

Can you keep it down? I'm recording the toaster oven.

Maybe it'll be Connor. No, it's never Connor.

No, it's never Connor.

Perfect.

I'm gonna go pick up some lunch.

Oh, meatball sub, please.

Oh, I'm going to the new Greek place.

Greek?

Ooh, I heard they got something called a gyro.

I don't know what it is, but I'm dying to find out.

Two to one.

Whoa, hang on. Ruben.

You want a meatball sub or-- ugh-- Greek food?

I love Greek. Go back to work.

I'll just grab something for everyone.

Ain't you sweet?

You need to stop it. What?

Sucking up to her, ganging up on me.

What are you talking about?

Well, look what she's done to the place,

and you're helping.

What do you want me to do?

I don't know, just...

keep in mind, I liked you before she did.

Fine. Sorry. Thank you.

Son of a bitch!

You know, I was thinking...

Ugh.

...if we paint the outside of the store,

it might make the inside look dingy.

You're right, let's not do it.

Oh, no, I meant let's do the inside, too.

I don't know. Georgie, what do you think?

Oh...

We'd have to take everything off the walls

and-and move

all the tires out of the showroom, and...

it'd be a lot of work.

That's a good point. I hadn't thought of that.

Mom and I did the nursery in a couple days.

It wasn't that big a deal.

Yeah, well, you got paint fumes,

and we might have to shut down for a day.

That's just lost revenue.

That's another good point.

All right, what's going on?

Nothing.

I agree.

Did you say something to him?

Um, I don't think so. Did I?

No, you did not.

Look me in the eye and say

you had nothing to do with him suddenly being on your side.

I had nothing to do with him suddenly being on my side.

You are unbelievable!

I'll get it.

Don't you move.

Amanda.

Damn, hate to miss this.

Connor, what the hell are you doing?

Shh. I'm making music.

What'd I miss? I like the way my store is.

I hate all these changes.

They were good changes, though. Weren't they, Georgie?

Well, I...

Tell her what you really think.

Help me.

Okay, this might be a "you two" issue

and not a Georgie issue.

I didn't realize, when you invited me

to come work at the store,

that you wanted a silent partner.

Oh, come on, Audrey, when have you ever been silent?

You want silence?

I'll show you silence.

Connor, knock it off!

Sweet.

I feel like it's my fault your parents are fighting.

Oh, sweetie, that's because it is.

That ain't helping.

Well, if only somebody had warned you

that working with my mother was a bad idea.

Hey, you said we weren't gonna get along, and we did.

Is everyone unhappy?

Yes.

Then I was right.

Should I do something?

Yes, you should rub my feet.

I'm serious.

So am I.

Fine.

Remember when you were pregnant,

and your ankles looked like water balloons?

Just rub.

Yeah?

Can I come in? Sure.

Mandy said I shouldn't bug you,

but I got to get something off my chest.

Well, can't it wait till morning?

I'm afraid not.

Mrs. McAllister, I was going along with all your plans

'cause it felt nice for me and you

to be getting along.

And Mr. McAllister, you've always had my back.

And I never want you to think

that I don't have yours.

So, y'all don't be mad at each other, be mad at me.

This is my fault.

I appreciate that, but we're fine.

Really?

This isn't our first fight.

We argue, we make up, that's marriage.

Yeah. Go to bed, get some sleep.

Thank you.

Good night.

You think he heard us doing it?

No, I think we're good.

Can I get your opinion on something?

Sure.

I made a song out of the sounds of our house.

Cool.

It's called "The Sounds of Our House."

Clever.

That's the dishwasher.

Vacuum.

Front door.

Huh. This is actually fun.

I'm actually fun.

Is that CeeCee?

She got the solo.

So what's your question?

How great is this?

It's pretty great.

I know.

Got a minute?

Sure. Everything okay?

Not really.

Talk to me.

I think I've done just about all I can do here,

and to be honest, I really miss my granddaughter.

I think it's time for me to go home.

Aw.

Don't do that.

I know you weren't happy with all the changes I made.

That's true, I wasn't.

But... I've come to really appreciate

what a difference it makes to work in a beautiful environment.

Of course, if you need me, just pick up the phone,

and I'll come running.

Thank you, I will.

Okay. Okay.

See you tonight. See you tonight.

Georgie. Ruben.

Get all this crap out of here.

Even the toilet seat?

No, that's a keeper.

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