Original subtitles

Hey, you know the rule--

whoever finishes the coffee's got to make more.

That's the rule, huh?

Yeah.

And who made the rule?

Well, uh, me.

Cheers.

Without rules, we got anarchy!

Georgie, can I see you a sec?

Shut the door. Am I in trouble?

No. Am I getting a raise?

No. Is it about my coffee rule?

Just sit.

I need you to cover the store this weekend.

Where are you gonna be?

Tire convention in New Orleans.

And you ain't taking me?

Why would I?

Well, a tire convention's

like going to Dollywood,

but better 'cause there's tires.

Well, I need you here.

What about Ruben?

Well, you're gonna take over the store someday.

This is how you get your feet wet.

But he hates it when you leave me in charge.

Oh, he's fine. So you told him?

No, that's why the door's shut.

Well, I don't want to tell him.

Son, dealing with disgruntled employees

is part of the job.

Then why don't you do it?

Well, I'm dealing with you.

You're disgruntled. I'm done.

Fine.

This is good for you.

You mean it's good for you.

Same thing.

Ruben, just a heads-up.

Mr. McAllister's going out of town,

and he's leaving me in charge.

That makes sense.

You have been here several months.

Just so you know, I don't even think of it

as me being in charge.

I think of us more as partners, like Tango and Cash.

I don't know what that is.

You ain't never seen Tango & Cash? Kurt Russell,

Sylvester Stallone?

Go make coffee. Yes, sir.

Before you leave, would you

take a look at the toilet in our bathroom?

Oh, you just have to jiggle the handle.

I prefer not to jiggle, Jim.

Okay, okay.

Where you going?

New Orleans, tire convention.

Oh. Are you taking Georgie?

Why would I? Why wouldn't you?

He's great at networking, people like him.

I'm a fan. Thank you, Bubba.

So can I?

You really want to? I do.

Okay, fine. I'll tell Ruben he has to run the shop.

I'll tell him.

No, this is good news.

Boss gets to give the good news.

So, all these years, I've offered to go with you,

and you've always said no.

Well, I just didn't think you'd care

about a bunch of dudes talking about advances in tire treads.

Goodyear's got this new Aquatred.

It's designed to shed water twice as fast as a normal tire.

It's something else.

See?

You'll be okay with CeeCee while I'm gone? Of course.

Plus, Grandma's here.

And I can always lend a hand.

Have you ever even held a baby?

I've held an accordion.

How different can it be?

You don't squeeze a baby.

Got it.

"The Goodyear Regatta is a long-wearing,

"quiet-riding, touring radial.

It has a wide tread for responsive handling."

Are you reading her a tire catalogue?

It ain't about the story. It's about the performance.

Give me that little nugget.

Come here. Come here, baby.

There you go. Up, sweetie.

It's gonna be hard

to be away from her.

What about me?

It's different.

You already got teeth and know how to walk.

I am the whole package.

It's kind of exciting, your dad talking

about me taking over the store someday.

Mm-hmm. You're gonna be the tire king of Medford.

Forget Medford. I'm gonna be the tire king of Texas.

And does the tire king of Texas still live with my parents?

Hell no. He's got a giant house.

Ooh. I like that.

Oh, and a big old pool in the shape of a tire.

So a circle.

Well... yeah.

I can't wait to meet the Hankook tire guys.

Mm-hmm.

I learned how to say "hi" in Korean. Annyeong.

How'd you learn that?

Called Sheldon.

He also taught me, "Hwajangsilyi eodieya."

What's that mean? Where's the bathroom?

Why does your brother know Korean?

Why does he know Klingon?

I've learned not to ask.

Listen, something I got to tell you.

Sure. What's up?

You won't be meeting any Koreans on this trip.

Why not?

We're not going to the convention.

Where we going?

To a riverboat casino.

I don't understand.

Well, it's the same as a regular casino,

only it floats.

So this whole trip's a lie?

Not the whole trip.

Just the part about the convention and us going to it.

Well, why'd you even invite me?

Uh, I didn't invite you.

What am I supposed to tell Mandy?

Just tell her that we went to a tire convention.

I don't want to lie to my wife.

Oh, don't think of it as a lie.

Then what is it?

It's more of a yarn, tall tale,

you know, make-'em-ups.

What?

Look, just don't tell Mandy!

All right? She'll tell Audrey, and then I'm in for it.

Oh, Mr. McAllister, this is not a good color on you.

Look, you're making too big a deal out of this.

Okay? We're gonna have a great time.

Look, no one gets hurt,

and we can talk about tires all you want.

Isn't that basically what happens at a convention?

No!

Oh, how would you know?

You ain't never been to one.

Ooh. What happened here?

CeeCee and I had a disagreement over lunch.

I wanted it in her mouth, she thought otherwise.

You've got some banana in your hair.

Oh, no, that's from breakfast, but thank you.

Hey, when you're done, would you like

to go clothes shopping with me?

Oh. What's the occasion?

Well, the boys are out having fun.

Why shouldn't we?

I don't know if I'd call a tire convention fun.

Oh, Amanda, there's no tire convention.

The boys are going to a riverboat casino to gamble.

What are you talking about?

Well, your father does this every year.

He thinks I don't know.

Wait. I don't understand.

If you know he's lying,

why aren't you calling him on it?

Well, I considered that, but then I realized,

I get a weekend to myself.

And someday, if we ever have a bad fight,

I can use this to crush him.

That is really sick.

Thank you.

Wait. Does Georgie know?

No.

No, he doesn't know. He wouldn't lie to me like that.

Well, maybe, maybe not.

Oh, what happened when you first met?

Something about his age?

That was different. He only lied to have sex with me.

How is that better?

Didn't say better. I said different.

If I'm gonna do this, we got to get our story straight.

There were tires, we saw them, the story is straight.

What if Mandy asks for more details?

Well, that's the great thing about tires.

No one ever wants to hear about 'em.

It's not just about tires.

Did we go to dinner with any sales reps?

Sure.

Where'd they take us? I don't know. Steakhouse.

What did we get? I had a shrimp cocktail and a salad.

No one's gonna believe you ordered a salad!

It doesn't matter!

She's gonna figure it out!

Listen, I've been doing this for ten years.

Audrey has no idea.

How long have you known?

About ten years.

Why didn't you tell me before they left?

I didn't want to give up my weekend.

Or did you want to see if Georgie would lie to me?

No, that's just gravy.

Well, I'm sure he's gonna tell me the truth.

Exciting, isn't it?

When he calls to check in, I'm gonna tell him.

You will not. Then your father will know that I know.

But you're also lying to him,

because you know he's lying to you.

It's not lying to let him think that I think

his lie is the truth when the truth is, I know it's a lie.

Okay, I don't follow, but I'm pretty sure I disagree!

I have to say, I'm glad you're uncomfortable

lying to my daughter.

I'm glad you're glad.

Speaks well of you.

I'm a heck of a guy.

Listen, this weekend's happening.

You might as well have fun.

Can I even get into a casino?

I ain't 21.

Oh, you're telling me Georgie Cooper don't have a fake ID?

You're starting to get on my nerves.

That's what I thought.

What if I win money? Where do I tell Mandy it came from?

You don't tell her.

So another lie.

No, it... it's the same lie.

Just buy her something nice,

she won't ask where the money came from.

Okay, I guess I can do this. Attaboy.

We just need to nail down what we ordered at the steakhouse.

Oh, my God. We had steaks!

That's good. Steaks.

I got to call Mandy. Why?

Well, I told her I would when we got checked in.

Fine, but just keep it short and sweet.

I don't about short, but lucky for you, sweet comes natural.

I wish you would've let me buy you something.

Well, I said I liked that striped top.

I meant something you looked good in.

Oh!

That might be Georgie.

Do not tell him you know.

Shh.

Hello?

Hey, just wanted to let you know we made it.

Good, good.

How was the drive?

Fine, fine.

Great, great.

Big day tomorrow?

Yeah.

I think we're gonna turn in soon.

Sure.

Lot of meetings lined up?

Yeah, I think so.

I'm just following your dad's lead.

Yeah, well, he has been to so many of these,

you're in good hands.

Yep. Well-well, give CeeCee a kiss for me.

You got it.

I love you.

I love you, too.

You lying bastard!

He didn't tell you?

Oh, shut up.

You know what'd be fun?

Let's you and me go out and have a drink.

Uh, hello, I have a baby.

I know, but Connor can watch CeeCee for an hour or two.

Uh... Come on, I'm buying.

Fine.

Great!

We can tell people we're sisters.

What's become of me?

Hello?

Hey, Connor, it's Georgie.

Can I talk to Mandy?

She went out with my mom.

Who's watchin' the baby?

I am.

You know how to do that?

No, but I'm learning on the job.

Okay, well, keep in mind that's the only kid I got.

Not to worry, we're having a great time rocking out.

I'll try again later.

Bye.

Okay.

This is a song about me and you.

♪ Now this right here's a story ♪

♪ About a baby and a man ♪

♪ One day they got together ♪

♪ And decided to form a band ♪

♪ Now the baby didn't do much ♪

♪ And the man wrote all the songs ♪

♪ But it didn't seem to matter ♪

♪ With how well they got along ♪

♪ Baby-man, baby-man ♪

♪ One member is a baby ♪

♪ And the other is a man ♪

♪ Baby-man, baby-man ♪

♪ Believe me you will never see ♪

♪ A spectacle so grand. ♪

You know, in all these years

I don't think we've ever had a drink together.

Well, I used to steal out of your liquor cabinet.

Does that count?

You know what I mean.

I don't think I've ever seen you drink a beer before.

Mm, you didn't know me in high school.

Oh, really, were you the bad girl at the sock hop?

Don't make fun of sock hops.

I had my first kiss at the sock hop.

Ooh, in the backseat of a car?

No, in the front seat.

I was a good girl.

Hey, can I ask you a serious question?

Of course.

Are you and Dad okay?

What do you mean?

Well, you're lying, he's lying.

That doesn't concern you?

Oh, no, we're fine.

Okay, if you say so.

Are you really worried about us?

Or is this about you and Georgie?

Um, I don't know, I guess a little of both.

You know I haven't always been his biggest fan,

but I have to admit

he's a good husband.

Wow.

I like half-a-beer Audrey.

Enjoy it.

Full-beer Audrey might dance on the bar.

Can we get another round?

What ya thinking?

Hold 'em, blackjack, craps?

Doesn't matter, whatever you want.

Oh, quit your moping.

I ain't moping, I'm fretting.

What's the difference?

"Moping" is sad about yesterday.

"Fretting" is sad about tomorrow.

That's heavy.

I just can't help wondering if this is how my marriage

is gonna be in 30 years.

If you're lucky.

How is this lucky?

Ah, 30 years is a good run.

Lot of folks end up divorced.

Yeah, 'cause they lie to each other.

Hey, when you been with someone that long,

it's nice to have a little secret now and then.

You trying to convince me or you?

I'm trying to have some fun, but I got

the world's oldest teenager dragging me down.

What do you think Mrs. McAllister's secrets are?

Hey, I don't know.

I don't want to know.

Oh, I bet she's got some doozies.

Stealing from the store.

Sleepin' with the mailman. Enough.

You don't like thinking about that, do ya?

No. Good.

Okay, careful, careful, careful.

Hey!

What's wrong with her?

Oh, she had a couple beers.

I had a couple beers.

And a couple shots.

Tequila!

Is everything okay with CeeCee?

Sound asleep.

Oh, we need to find you a girl

so you can have your own babies.

When are you gonna have more?

You're not getting any younger.

All right, all right, let's get you to bed.

Ooh. Okay.

Where are my shoes?

That is a wonderful question.

I like those shoes.

Uh-huh.

Where'd you learn to play blackjack like that?

My meemaw taught me.

Well, that figures.

How much you up?

She also taught me to never answer that question.

Aw, come on, I'll tell you how I did.

I watched you play.

I know how you did.

Yeah, well...

I'll make it back tomorrow.

Not if you keep hittin' on a 12 when the dealer shows a six.

I had a feeling.

Oh, this can't be good.

Hello?

Hello, Jim.

Audrey?

Are you convention-ing?

Uh, we were sleeping.

Something wrong?

Shh. You okay?

I'm great.

Really great.

Great.

And you're great.

Okay. What's going on?

I think she's drunk.

Is that Georgie?

Hi, Georgie!

She's drunk.

Me and Mandy went out drinking!

Oh! Well, that sounds fun.

I don't know where my shoes are.

Oh, I'm sure they'll turn up.

Okay.

Tell Georgie

I said hi.

Will do.

Good night, sexy man.

Good night...

...you.

You think they're onto us?

Ah, she would've said something.

All right, well, I'm gonna turn in.

Sure. Wouldn't want to stay up too late and have fun.

Mr. McAllister. Yeah.

No disrespect, but I'm seriously questioning you as a role model.

That's understandable.

We're back!

Remember what we talked about.

Got it.

You cool?

I'm cool. All right.

Try smiling.

Hey! Hey!

Hey! Welcome back.

How was the convention?

Best one yet. Aw. Yeah.

Korean sales rep took us out to a steakhouse.

We had steaks.

Yum.

How 'bout you gals?

Sounds like you had a night.

What do you mean?

Well, you called me drunk off your ass.

No, I didn't.

Seriously? You don't remember?

Jim, I'd remember if I called you.

Okay.

Okay.

Ever find your shoes?

Oh, my God, I called you.

So, I hope it wasn't all work.

I hope you had a little fun.

Well, you know me.

Work is fun.

Mm.

Here, check it out. I got you something.

Oh, my God.

Diamond earrings. Are these real?

'Course they're real.

How can you afford these?

Your dad gave me a raise.

Sure did!

Did you get me anything, honey?

Oh, you don't remember?

I told you on the phone I was gonna get you something.

You told me not to.

You were very firm about it.

Okay, I'm gonna unpack and hit the shower.

Me, too. Missed you

like crazy. Missed you like crazy.

I got diamonds. You got squat.

Excuse me.

Did anyone happen to find a pair of shoes?

Oh, yeah. Welcome back.

Here you go.

Thank you.

Hang on.

You want the bra, too?

That's not mine!

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