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1
00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:07,464
[dramatic music playing]
2
00:00:07,465 --> 00:00:08,549
[Tom] Pilot sex shit?
3
00:00:08,550 --> 00:00:09,508
What the fuck?
4
00:00:09,509 --> 00:00:11,302
- [alarm beeping]
- [airplane rattling]
5
00:00:11,886 --> 00:00:13,512
Anyway, we need you to land the plane.
6
00:00:13,513 --> 00:00:15,055
- What?
- You said you speak Spanish.
7
00:00:15,056 --> 00:00:16,933
- But--
- So does the air traffic controller.
8
00:00:17,517 --> 00:00:18,852
Put on the headphones. Sit down.
9
00:00:19,436 --> 00:00:20,602
[quietly] Put the headphones.
10
00:00:20,603 --> 00:00:22,813
- Okay. Okay.
- That one.
11
00:00:22,814 --> 00:00:24,315
[attendant] Good luck, man.
12
00:00:25,942 --> 00:00:27,777
- [baby crying]
- [exhales sharply]
13
00:00:29,279 --> 00:00:30,988
[dispatcher in Spanish] 1723. Do you copy?
14
00:00:30,989 --> 00:00:34,241
{\an8}Uh, yes. This is 1723.
15
00:00:34,242 --> 00:00:35,743
[sighs] My God.
16
00:00:35,744 --> 00:00:37,244
[Tom] I'm not a pilot!
17
00:00:37,245 --> 00:00:39,329
I don't have a fucking clue
how to be a pilot.
18
00:00:39,330 --> 00:00:41,749
Don't worry, everything will be fine.
19
00:00:41,750 --> 00:00:43,167
{\an8}My name is José,
20
00:00:43,168 --> 00:00:45,210
{\an8}I understand
that the pilots are incapacitated.
21
00:00:45,211 --> 00:00:46,337
Uh...
22
00:00:47,714 --> 00:00:48,714
Yes.
23
00:00:48,715 --> 00:00:51,175
Don't worry. I will guide you.
24
00:00:51,176 --> 00:00:53,969
Okay, let's breathe.
[inhales deeply]
25
00:00:53,970 --> 00:00:55,763
[inhales deeply]
26
00:00:55,764 --> 00:00:58,098
{\an8}[exhales deeply]
Let's see, what's your name?
27
00:00:58,099 --> 00:01:01,018
- My name is Tom.
- Okay, Tom. Nice to meet you.
28
00:01:01,019 --> 00:01:03,313
I want you to pull the lever
that says Throttle two.
29
00:01:04,147 --> 00:01:05,148
Yeah.
30
00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:08,233
Okay.
31
00:01:08,234 --> 00:01:09,443
[José] And grab the yoke.
32
00:01:09,444 --> 00:01:11,820
Now you're going to move that yoke gently,
33
00:01:11,821 --> 00:01:14,199
so I can see how the plane is moving.
34
00:01:15,658 --> 00:01:17,493
[Tom] Yes, José.
35
00:01:17,494 --> 00:01:19,536
It's moving the plane a little.
36
00:01:19,537 --> 00:01:20,913
[José] Wow, Tom.
37
00:01:20,914 --> 00:01:25,084
I know you've never flown a plane before,
but you're doing it very well.
38
00:01:25,085 --> 00:01:26,376
We're going to be fine.
39
00:01:26,377 --> 00:01:27,669
[Tom] I'm very scared.
40
00:01:27,670 --> 00:01:29,213
It's just that...
41
00:01:29,214 --> 00:01:33,717
It's just that I feel like I'm going to
have terrible diarrhea any moment here.
42
00:01:33,718 --> 00:01:35,385
[both laugh]
43
00:01:35,386 --> 00:01:38,222
Many people get airplane diarrhea,
don't worry.
44
00:01:38,223 --> 00:01:39,389
Yes, that's true.
45
00:01:39,390 --> 00:01:41,517
- Wow, and what do you do, Tom?
- [chuckles]
46
00:01:41,518 --> 00:01:44,603
The funny thing is that I'm a comedian.
47
00:01:44,604 --> 00:01:47,022
Wow, Tom the comedian, nice to meet you.
48
00:01:47,023 --> 00:01:49,484
And what is your last name?
Maybe I know you.
49
00:01:50,985 --> 00:01:53,362
My last name is Segura.
50
00:01:53,363 --> 00:01:54,863
[uneasy music plays]
51
00:01:54,864 --> 00:01:56,241
Tom Segura?
52
00:01:56,866 --> 00:01:58,075
Yes.
53
00:01:58,076 --> 00:01:59,868
Oh, yes.
54
00:01:59,869 --> 00:02:01,370
I have heard of you.
55
00:02:01,371 --> 00:02:02,579
[Tom] Yes?
56
00:02:02,580 --> 00:02:04,832
[in English] Your comedy
is not very nice, cabrón.
57
00:02:04,833 --> 00:02:06,250
Oh, you speak English?
58
00:02:06,251 --> 00:02:07,668
You know, Tom Segura,
59
00:02:07,669 --> 00:02:10,045
I have a brother who has Down syndrome.
60
00:02:10,046 --> 00:02:13,465
And you like to say
that people are retarded, correct?
61
00:02:13,466 --> 00:02:15,968
Look, man, I'm sorry
if I ever said something
62
00:02:15,969 --> 00:02:18,470
- that was... offensive like that.
- [airplane rattling]
63
00:02:18,471 --> 00:02:23,433
Like, I use it to describe, like,
a friend doing something silly, you know.
64
00:02:23,434 --> 00:02:25,435
- Like my brother.
- No, of course not.
65
00:02:25,436 --> 00:02:30,942
What I'm saying is, like, sometimes,
you know, your friend does something dumb.
66
00:02:31,442 --> 00:02:32,526
You know what I mean?
67
00:02:32,527 --> 00:02:34,528
Pulls his dick out at a wedding reception.
68
00:02:34,529 --> 00:02:35,821
You're like... You know?
69
00:02:35,822 --> 00:02:38,448
No. No, I do not know, actually.
70
00:02:38,449 --> 00:02:42,578
[Tom] José, can we please put
my dumb career choices aside
71
00:02:42,579 --> 00:02:46,832
and just help with this
real life-threatening issue, José?
72
00:02:46,833 --> 00:02:49,668
[smacks lips] Oh, you want help?
Sure. Here we go.
73
00:02:49,669 --> 00:02:52,754
Oh, my God, dude, please.
This is going down so fast.
74
00:02:52,755 --> 00:02:56,174
I'm sorry that I've said
stupid offensive things that are reckless.
75
00:02:56,175 --> 00:02:58,927
I say things on stage
sometimes to get a laugh.
76
00:02:58,928 --> 00:03:00,846
That's not who I am as a person.
77
00:03:00,847 --> 00:03:03,932
Okay, so what you say at work
you don't really mean.
78
00:03:03,933 --> 00:03:05,684
Exactly, José. Yes.
79
00:03:05,685 --> 00:03:07,477
Oh, okay, I understand now.
80
00:03:07,478 --> 00:03:10,105
You see that red button
that's next to the altitude?
81
00:03:10,106 --> 00:03:12,441
[alarms blaring]
82
00:03:12,442 --> 00:03:14,319
- Yeah.
- Push it.
83
00:03:16,571 --> 00:03:18,196
- [new alarm blaring]
- [Tom] Oh!
84
00:03:18,197 --> 00:03:19,281
Am I supposed to push it
85
00:03:19,282 --> 00:03:21,033
- or are you making a point?
- I don't know.
86
00:03:21,034 --> 00:03:23,535
I'm at work right now.
What did you say about people at work?
87
00:03:23,536 --> 00:03:25,162
Are you fucking kidding me?
88
00:03:25,163 --> 00:03:26,288
- [plane rumbles]
- [gasps]
89
00:03:26,289 --> 00:03:28,624
- [all screaming]
- [dramatic music playing]
90
00:03:28,625 --> 00:03:31,668
[Tom yells] José!
91
00:03:31,669 --> 00:03:33,337
[in Spanish] I'm sorry, José. Please!
92
00:03:33,338 --> 00:03:35,130
[in English] Words matter, cabrón.
93
00:03:35,131 --> 00:03:36,340
Okay, goodbye.
94
00:03:36,341 --> 00:03:37,634
[music stops]
95
00:03:38,635 --> 00:03:40,052
[slurps]
96
00:03:40,053 --> 00:03:42,596
[in Spanish] What time
does lunch start you say?
97
00:03:42,597 --> 00:03:43,972
Soon enough, right? Hmm.
98
00:03:43,973 --> 00:03:46,308
- José, please!
- [alarms continue blaring]
99
00:03:46,309 --> 00:03:49,145
[in English] José! José, please!
What do I do?
100
00:03:49,896 --> 00:03:51,647
Oh, shit! Tom, are you still there?
101
00:03:51,648 --> 00:03:53,357
Oh, my God.
102
00:03:53,358 --> 00:03:55,442
{\an8}[sighs] Thank God. I wanted to say, bro,
103
00:03:55,443 --> 00:03:56,735
{\an8}- I love your podcast.
- What?
104
00:03:56,736 --> 00:03:58,404
{\an8}Okay, ciao. Blessings.
105
00:04:00,114 --> 00:04:02,449
{\an8}[in Spanish] Oh, my God! What have I done?
106
00:04:02,450 --> 00:04:04,243
{\an8}- Tom!
- [in English] Yes, I'm here.
107
00:04:04,244 --> 00:04:06,870
{\an8}The one with your wife, not the other one.
108
00:04:06,871 --> 00:04:08,497
{\an8}The other one is hard to listen to.
109
00:04:08,498 --> 00:04:10,874
- [airplane engine roaring]
- [Tom screaming]
110
00:04:10,875 --> 00:04:12,751
[in Spanish] Please, help me!
111
00:04:12,752 --> 00:04:14,504
[screams] José!
112
00:04:15,088 --> 00:04:16,047
[in English] Oh, fuck!
113
00:04:17,215 --> 00:04:20,468
This is Diego, a pilot from Argentina.
He was sitting in economy.
114
00:04:21,886 --> 00:04:24,681
[Tom] Oh, my God!
Oh, my God, you're a fucking pilot!
115
00:04:25,598 --> 00:04:26,556
[in Spanish] Hello.
116
00:04:26,557 --> 00:04:28,767
[Tom] Oh... Oh...
117
00:04:28,768 --> 00:04:29,811
Oh!
118
00:04:30,353 --> 00:04:31,353
Oh...
119
00:04:31,354 --> 00:04:35,191
- [alarms stop]
- [in English] Oh... Oh, my God.
120
00:04:35,942 --> 00:04:40,947
[Diego in Spanish] 1723. We are level
and heading in the normal direction.
121
00:04:42,615 --> 00:04:43,824
[Tom sighs]
122
00:04:43,825 --> 00:04:45,909
[in English] You really
became a pilot today, huh?
123
00:04:45,910 --> 00:04:47,287
That guy was such a dick.
124
00:04:48,371 --> 00:04:51,457
[Diego] So we have, uh,
about three hours left on the flight.
125
00:04:52,125 --> 00:04:53,501
We can make the most of it.
126
00:04:54,961 --> 00:04:57,212
Whoa! Dude, what are you doing?
127
00:04:57,213 --> 00:04:58,798
- What?
- What are you doing?
128
00:04:59,382 --> 00:05:01,008
Let's get to the fucking, huh?
129
00:05:01,009 --> 00:05:02,760
Bro, what?
130
00:05:03,469 --> 00:05:05,887
I'm going back to my seat, man.
131
00:05:05,888 --> 00:05:07,889
- [Diego] You sure?
- Yeah.
132
00:05:07,890 --> 00:05:10,350
Pilots are fucking kinky fucks, man.
133
00:05:10,351 --> 00:05:12,394
- You're really gonna leave? Okay.
- Yeah.
134
00:05:12,395 --> 00:05:13,895
[in Spanish] You're already here.
135
00:05:13,896 --> 00:05:14,856
[in English] No.
136
00:05:16,399 --> 00:05:18,400
[tense music playing]
137
00:05:18,401 --> 00:05:20,111
[indistinct chatter]
138
00:05:29,579 --> 00:05:32,205
[chuckles] All right, let's do it.
139
00:05:32,206 --> 00:05:33,415
[Diego] Okay.
140
00:05:33,416 --> 00:05:35,625
- Teach me how to fly, man.
- [zipper unzips]
141
00:05:35,626 --> 00:05:37,545
[ominous sting plays]
142
00:05:38,588 --> 00:05:40,214
{\an8}[eerie music playing]
143
00:05:49,724 --> 00:05:51,225
{\an8}Communication is fascinating.
144
00:05:51,809 --> 00:05:53,643
{\an8}It's not just language or speaking.
145
00:05:53,644 --> 00:05:55,145
{\an8}It's about conveying how you feel,
146
00:05:55,146 --> 00:05:57,731
{\an8}what you're thinking,
the joy you're experiencing.
147
00:05:57,732 --> 00:05:59,025
{\an8}[man grunts]
148
00:06:00,068 --> 00:06:01,069
{\an8}[choking]
149
00:06:01,569 --> 00:06:03,696
And who are some of our
best communicators?
150
00:06:04,405 --> 00:06:06,323
- [dolphins squealing]
- Dolphins.
151
00:06:06,324 --> 00:06:07,992
- [remote clicking]
- '90s Oprah.
152
00:06:08,785 --> 00:06:09,619
Politicians.
153
00:06:10,453 --> 00:06:12,454
- [Hitler speaking indistinctly]
- Look at this guy.
154
00:06:12,455 --> 00:06:14,082
He's got 'em all fired up.
155
00:06:14,916 --> 00:06:18,668
So, I hope you enjoy these stories
about communication.
156
00:06:18,669 --> 00:06:20,088
But if you don't...
157
00:06:20,630 --> 00:06:22,465
[clicks tongue] How do I say this?
158
00:06:25,426 --> 00:06:26,344
Yeah, that works.
159
00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:29,764
Whoa. Do I speak sign language?
160
00:06:30,723 --> 00:06:32,224
I totally understood that.
161
00:06:32,225 --> 00:06:33,642
[dramatic sting plays]
162
00:06:33,643 --> 00:06:36,645
So this is Burbank, California.
163
00:06:36,646 --> 00:06:37,646
[chuckles]
164
00:06:37,647 --> 00:06:39,064
Uh-huh, pretty neat, huh?
165
00:06:39,065 --> 00:06:40,024
It's real neat.
166
00:06:40,650 --> 00:06:43,068
Definitely a far cry from Boise,
that's for sure.
167
00:06:43,069 --> 00:06:45,028
You know who, I read, comes here?
168
00:06:45,029 --> 00:06:46,655
Jay Leno.
169
00:06:46,656 --> 00:06:48,782
What do you think about that, huh?
170
00:06:48,783 --> 00:06:51,368
He parks his hot rod right out there.
171
00:06:51,369 --> 00:06:53,745
And he comes here. That is really cool.
172
00:06:53,746 --> 00:06:56,414
You're right, Dad. That is really cool.
173
00:06:56,415 --> 00:06:58,459
[chuckles] Yeah, it's really cool.
174
00:06:59,043 --> 00:07:00,043
I'm sorry.
175
00:07:00,044 --> 00:07:02,838
I never do this,
but I just had to come up and say
176
00:07:02,839 --> 00:07:05,216
that fucking you last week was so fun.
177
00:07:05,842 --> 00:07:07,051
[man] I'm sorry, what?
178
00:07:07,635 --> 00:07:09,845
So fun. [chuckles]
179
00:07:09,846 --> 00:07:10,930
Enjoy your meal.
180
00:07:11,848 --> 00:07:13,266
I have no idea who that was.
181
00:07:14,684 --> 00:07:15,976
Yes, you do.
182
00:07:15,977 --> 00:07:16,893
I knew it.
183
00:07:16,894 --> 00:07:19,396
- What? Da-- I'm not gay, Dad.
- [sighs]
184
00:07:19,397 --> 00:07:21,106
This is gonna kill your mother.
185
00:07:21,107 --> 00:07:23,067
Come on. I dated Jill for two years.
186
00:07:23,693 --> 00:07:26,654
Welcome to Darwin's.
I'm Donovan and I'll be taking care of...
187
00:07:27,488 --> 00:07:28,614
Oh, shit!
188
00:07:29,365 --> 00:07:31,491
I turned this boy's pussy
inside out last night.
189
00:07:31,492 --> 00:07:33,201
What are you talking about?
190
00:07:33,202 --> 00:07:35,912
- [low eerie music playing]
- All gas, no brakes. Raw.
191
00:07:35,913 --> 00:07:38,540
Honey, look.
There's that slut we made prolapse.
192
00:07:38,541 --> 00:07:41,293
- He was gagging on my balls.
- [coughs]
193
00:07:41,294 --> 00:07:43,086
[laughs] It was pathetic.
194
00:07:43,087 --> 00:07:46,381
- [cameras clicking]
- Yo, bro, I finger fucked you too.
195
00:07:46,382 --> 00:07:48,800
Why is everyone saying they fucked me?
196
00:07:48,801 --> 00:07:50,427
Because we did.
197
00:07:50,428 --> 00:07:51,511
In that game.
198
00:07:51,512 --> 00:07:52,971
[hesitates]
199
00:07:52,972 --> 00:07:54,473
[cameras clicking]
200
00:07:54,474 --> 00:07:57,559
- [people murmuring]
- [man] Is that me?
201
00:07:57,560 --> 00:08:00,020
- [people laughing]
- It's actually a cool story.
202
00:08:00,021 --> 00:08:01,563
There's a passion project.
203
00:08:01,564 --> 00:08:04,691
This IT guy developed
a game in his basement.
204
00:08:04,692 --> 00:08:07,694
He went on to make,
like, a billion dollars off it.
205
00:08:07,695 --> 00:08:08,696
It's inspiring.
206
00:08:09,697 --> 00:08:11,198
Cyrus?
207
00:08:11,199 --> 00:08:13,659
[tense music playing]
208
00:08:17,288 --> 00:08:18,955
Hey, make that face you do, that...
209
00:08:18,956 --> 00:08:20,123
[squealing]
210
00:08:20,124 --> 00:08:21,416
[pleasant music playing]
211
00:08:21,417 --> 00:08:23,335
[automated voice] Welcome to the property.
212
00:08:23,336 --> 00:08:24,377
[birds chirping]
213
00:08:24,378 --> 00:08:27,172
- Welcome to the property.
- [water trickling nearby]
214
00:08:27,173 --> 00:08:30,092
[doorbell dings and chimes]
215
00:08:31,677 --> 00:08:33,429
[door hisses open]
216
00:08:35,264 --> 00:08:36,265
Cyrus?
217
00:08:37,767 --> 00:08:40,520
Evan? Is that you?
218
00:08:41,812 --> 00:08:43,688
I barely recognize you, man.
219
00:08:43,689 --> 00:08:45,607
You barely recognize me?
220
00:08:45,608 --> 00:08:47,527
I know. It's pretty cool, right?
221
00:08:48,444 --> 00:08:51,364
It's crazy what 800 million
in videogame sales can buy.
222
00:08:52,448 --> 00:08:53,783
This is fucking horsehair.
223
00:08:54,659 --> 00:08:56,785
[sputters] Yeah. I think we need to talk.
224
00:08:56,786 --> 00:08:57,954
Come on in, bud.
225
00:09:00,998 --> 00:09:03,792
[door whirring, thuds]
226
00:09:03,793 --> 00:09:06,670
[low operatic music playing]
227
00:09:06,671 --> 00:09:10,006
Did you make a video game
where aliens fuck me?
228
00:09:10,007 --> 00:09:14,302
I made a very successful video game
called Aliens Fuck Humans.
229
00:09:14,303 --> 00:09:16,681
I'm not sure what that has to do with you.
230
00:09:17,265 --> 00:09:19,474
What the fuck are you talking about?
231
00:09:19,475 --> 00:09:22,478
Look. This is clearly me.
232
00:09:24,855 --> 00:09:25,731
No.
233
00:09:26,315 --> 00:09:27,275
Okay. Well...
234
00:09:28,317 --> 00:09:30,151
{\an8}then what is this?
235
00:09:30,152 --> 00:09:32,279
{\an8}An AFH-KOHLUR collab.
236
00:09:32,280 --> 00:09:36,116
{\an8}Dude, the human in the game
looks exactly like me.
237
00:09:36,117 --> 00:09:38,910
I don't see the resemblance.
238
00:09:38,911 --> 00:09:42,080
- Take the fucking game down.
- [magazine thuds]
239
00:09:42,081 --> 00:09:43,165
Hey. Whoa, whoa.
240
00:09:44,292 --> 00:09:45,166
Are you mad?
241
00:09:45,167 --> 00:09:47,419
You want to play games with me?
I'll show you.
242
00:09:47,420 --> 00:09:49,379
- Oh, hey! Hey, man!
- I'll fucking show you.
243
00:09:49,380 --> 00:09:50,964
- Stop! Evan!
- Take the game down!
244
00:09:50,965 --> 00:09:52,048
That's $11 million--
245
00:09:52,049 --> 00:09:55,093
- Take the fucking game down!
- Stop! Stop! Stop!
246
00:09:55,094 --> 00:09:56,303
Fuck!
247
00:09:56,304 --> 00:09:57,221
Yes.
248
00:09:58,097 --> 00:09:59,222
God damn.
249
00:09:59,223 --> 00:10:02,601
The human in the game
is modeled after you.
250
00:10:02,602 --> 00:10:04,936
Yeah. No shit.
251
00:10:04,937 --> 00:10:06,980
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
252
00:10:06,981 --> 00:10:08,940
Why would you put me in this game?
253
00:10:08,941 --> 00:10:09,858
I don't know.
254
00:10:09,859 --> 00:10:13,571
I guess you just kind of have
a "fuck that guy" kind of face, you know?
255
00:10:14,155 --> 00:10:16,824
I didn't know the game
was gonna blow up the way it did.
256
00:10:17,450 --> 00:10:18,576
And looking back...
257
00:10:19,160 --> 00:10:21,329
I definitely should
not have used you in it.
258
00:10:22,038 --> 00:10:23,623
So you'll take the game down?
259
00:10:24,248 --> 00:10:26,041
No, it's impossible.
260
00:10:26,042 --> 00:10:28,168
There's hard copies everywhere.
261
00:10:28,169 --> 00:10:30,963
But I have been developing a new game.
262
00:10:31,505 --> 00:10:32,964
Aliens Fuck Humans IV.
263
00:10:32,965 --> 00:10:36,718
And in this new game,
you do not get fucked by aliens.
264
00:10:36,719 --> 00:10:38,387
You're actually the hero.
265
00:10:38,971 --> 00:10:40,138
[seethes]
266
00:10:40,139 --> 00:10:42,682
I'll cut you in on a piece of the action.
267
00:10:42,683 --> 00:10:44,352
Fifty-fifty split.
268
00:10:45,811 --> 00:10:47,438
You'll be rich as shit.
269
00:10:50,816 --> 00:10:53,903
And I'm not gonna be getting fucked
by aliens in the new game?
270
00:10:55,237 --> 00:10:56,155
No.
271
00:10:58,282 --> 00:10:59,199
Let me show you.
272
00:10:59,200 --> 00:11:00,909
[operatic music stops]
273
00:11:00,910 --> 00:11:03,662
AFH IV is the future of VR gaming.
274
00:11:03,663 --> 00:11:06,706
It's the first of its kind
to use real time neural imaging
275
00:11:06,707 --> 00:11:10,669
of the user's brain to create
the most realistic experiences possible.
276
00:11:10,670 --> 00:11:13,088
- [keyboard clacking]
- What does that even mean?
277
00:11:13,089 --> 00:11:17,468
Well, it means you're now the co-owner
of this kickass breakthrough tech,
278
00:11:18,552 --> 00:11:19,677
partner.
279
00:11:19,678 --> 00:11:21,597
- Try it out.
- [whirring]
280
00:11:25,768 --> 00:11:29,437
- [heavy metal music playing]
- [narrator] Aliens Fuck Humans IV.
281
00:11:29,438 --> 00:11:31,398
Evan's Revenge.
282
00:11:31,399 --> 00:11:33,566
[heavy metal music continues muffled]
283
00:11:33,567 --> 00:11:36,487
[indistinct shouting and screaming
over headset]
284
00:11:38,531 --> 00:11:41,366
[heavy metal music plays, stops]
285
00:11:41,367 --> 00:11:43,452
[low ethereal music playing]
286
00:11:44,620 --> 00:11:45,913
Holy shit.
287
00:11:47,039 --> 00:11:49,082
This feels so real.
288
00:11:49,083 --> 00:11:50,584
It's pretty cool, right?
289
00:11:51,377 --> 00:11:53,420
Is this my childhood home?
290
00:11:53,421 --> 00:11:55,131
[Cyrus, echoing] It is.
291
00:11:56,632 --> 00:11:57,633
[softly] Wow.
292
00:12:02,763 --> 00:12:03,681
Hello, son.
293
00:12:04,765 --> 00:12:06,058
Dad?
294
00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:10,187
- Happy birthday, buddy.
- [low eerie music playing]
295
00:12:11,063 --> 00:12:12,731
Would you like some cake?
296
00:12:13,899 --> 00:12:16,527
Why does the cake say
"Happy Birthday Cheryl" on it?
297
00:12:17,069 --> 00:12:18,945
Oh, my God.
298
00:12:18,946 --> 00:12:20,447
[keyboard clacking]
299
00:12:20,448 --> 00:12:22,073
[whooshes]
300
00:12:22,074 --> 00:12:23,032
[groans]
301
00:12:23,033 --> 00:12:25,410
Dude, this thing just got real tight.
302
00:12:25,411 --> 00:12:27,705
That's weird. [chuckles]
303
00:12:29,123 --> 00:12:31,834
{\an8}Word on the street is you like cake.
304
00:12:32,793 --> 00:12:33,877
[groans in disgust]
305
00:12:33,878 --> 00:12:35,378
[ominous music playing]
306
00:12:35,379 --> 00:12:36,547
Oh!
307
00:12:39,425 --> 00:12:40,342
[grunts]
308
00:12:40,843 --> 00:12:42,510
[grunting]
309
00:12:42,511 --> 00:12:45,305
- [Cyrus, echoing] Go on. Have a slice.
- The fuck is happening?
310
00:12:45,306 --> 00:12:46,306
[Cyrus] That's it.
311
00:12:46,307 --> 00:12:48,475
Fuck, I can't control my legs, man.
312
00:12:48,476 --> 00:12:52,520
You'll control your legs
when you finish the cake.
313
00:12:52,521 --> 00:12:53,897
[grunts]
314
00:12:53,898 --> 00:12:54,982
[gasps]
315
00:12:55,733 --> 00:12:57,817
Is this all because I wouldn't give you
316
00:12:57,818 --> 00:13:00,320
a piece of cake
at Cheryl's birthday party?
317
00:13:00,321 --> 00:13:02,238
I don't know. Is it?
318
00:13:02,239 --> 00:13:04,200
- [tense music playing]
- [keyboard clacking]
319
00:13:05,117 --> 00:13:08,161
[gasping] Cyrus! Cyrus, please!
320
00:13:08,162 --> 00:13:10,622
[Dad] Do you know
what flavor this cake is, son?
321
00:13:10,623 --> 00:13:12,248
- Cyrus...
- It's papa flavor.
322
00:13:12,249 --> 00:13:13,750
Cyrus, don't do this.
323
00:13:13,751 --> 00:13:15,168
Eat all the cake up.
324
00:13:15,169 --> 00:13:16,462
{\an8}Yum, yum, yum.
325
00:13:17,046 --> 00:13:18,671
{\an8}You can eat it out of my ass.
326
00:13:18,672 --> 00:13:20,508
{\an8}[sobbing] Cyrus, please.
327
00:13:21,884 --> 00:13:22,967
Don't do it.
328
00:13:22,968 --> 00:13:24,762
Lick it all up.
329
00:13:25,513 --> 00:13:26,889
Cyrus, don't!
330
00:13:27,806 --> 00:13:29,641
[sobbing] No!
331
00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:32,603
- Would you like more kiwis, Mr. Cyrus?
- [Evan crying]
332
00:13:33,187 --> 00:13:35,021
No, I'm fine. Thank you, Magdalena.
333
00:13:35,022 --> 00:13:36,481
Oh, Dad!
334
00:13:36,482 --> 00:13:38,399
Did you want a juice?
335
00:13:38,400 --> 00:13:39,943
- [Evan] Oh!
- Papaya?
336
00:13:39,944 --> 00:13:40,944
[Cyrus] Mmm...
337
00:13:40,945 --> 00:13:42,820
- [Evan] Cyrus!
- Actually, papaya sounds nice.
338
00:13:42,821 --> 00:13:44,781
- Thank you.
- [Evan] Oh, no!
339
00:13:44,782 --> 00:13:47,116
- Cyrus, please! Oh!
- [keyboard clacking]
340
00:13:47,117 --> 00:13:48,826
No, Dad!
341
00:13:48,827 --> 00:13:50,703
- No!
- This shit is amazing.
342
00:13:50,704 --> 00:13:52,497
[gagging]
343
00:13:52,498 --> 00:13:55,375
[Evan sobbing] Cyrus, no!
344
00:13:55,376 --> 00:13:57,836
[wailing]
345
00:14:00,548 --> 00:14:02,674
{\an8}[man whimpering]
346
00:14:02,675 --> 00:14:04,592
- [somber music plays]
- [siren wails]
347
00:14:04,593 --> 00:14:06,511
[indistinct police radio chatter]
348
00:14:06,512 --> 00:14:08,263
[people chattering]
349
00:14:08,264 --> 00:14:10,098
[detective] Keep the news stations at bay.
350
00:14:10,099 --> 00:14:12,643
They'll be showing up
in about 15 minutes, Carmen.
351
00:14:16,480 --> 00:14:17,398
Hi, Tom.
352
00:14:18,566 --> 00:14:20,359
I'm Detective Jacobs.
353
00:14:21,026 --> 00:14:23,152
Now, I know you've been through a lot,
354
00:14:23,153 --> 00:14:25,572
but when you're ready, I'm here to listen.
355
00:14:25,573 --> 00:14:26,990
Okay?
356
00:14:26,991 --> 00:14:28,033
Okay.
357
00:14:28,868 --> 00:14:30,160
[softly] Okay.
358
00:14:31,203 --> 00:14:33,330
I can take you through what happened.
359
00:14:33,873 --> 00:14:34,748
Um...
360
00:14:35,666 --> 00:14:38,251
I was waiting in line to buy a coffee.
361
00:14:38,252 --> 00:14:39,377
Like I do every day.
362
00:14:39,378 --> 00:14:41,630
- [pleasant song playing]
- Hi. Can I help you?
363
00:14:42,172 --> 00:14:44,883
Hi. Can I have a large iced coffee?
364
00:14:44,884 --> 00:14:46,760
- Sure. That'll be $3.45.
- With--
365
00:14:48,387 --> 00:14:49,220
Sorry.
366
00:14:49,221 --> 00:14:52,474
I just have a few, uh, modifications.
367
00:14:53,225 --> 00:14:54,142
Okay.
368
00:14:54,143 --> 00:14:56,895
Large iced coffee, extra ice, please.
369
00:14:56,896 --> 00:15:01,525
And just a small splash
of whole milk, please.
370
00:15:02,192 --> 00:15:03,776
Still $3.45.
371
00:15:03,777 --> 00:15:04,862
Thank you.
372
00:15:08,198 --> 00:15:10,367
- Do you need to, uh...
- What?
373
00:15:10,993 --> 00:15:12,243
Type it in?
374
00:15:12,244 --> 00:15:14,412
No, I... I got it. We have a system.
375
00:15:14,413 --> 00:15:15,663
No, I know you got it.
376
00:15:15,664 --> 00:15:19,000
I wasn't trying to suggest
that you couldn't remember that.
377
00:15:19,001 --> 00:15:20,668
I just meant...
378
00:15:20,669 --> 00:15:23,129
Sometimes when it's not typed in,
379
00:15:23,130 --> 00:15:24,964
- it's not... They don't see it.
- Okay.
380
00:15:24,965 --> 00:15:29,010
Iced coffee, extra ice,
splash of whole milk.
381
00:15:29,011 --> 00:15:30,846
- That is it.
- $3.45.
382
00:15:32,139 --> 00:15:33,056
Thank you.
383
00:15:33,057 --> 00:15:34,266
Would you like to tip?
384
00:15:35,059 --> 00:15:37,144
- Sure
- How much?
385
00:15:38,187 --> 00:15:39,313
A dollar?
386
00:15:40,397 --> 00:15:41,482
[beeping]
387
00:15:43,025 --> 00:15:44,484
Five seems right.
388
00:15:44,485 --> 00:15:45,653
[receipt tears]
389
00:15:46,570 --> 00:15:47,404
Next.
390
00:15:49,406 --> 00:15:51,533
Tom. Iced coffee for Tom...
391
00:15:52,701 --> 00:15:53,911
with modifications.
392
00:15:54,578 --> 00:15:56,121
Jesus Christ.
393
00:15:59,458 --> 00:16:01,250
Sir. Excuse me.
394
00:16:01,251 --> 00:16:02,962
Could we talk about this?
395
00:16:03,921 --> 00:16:05,172
Could I meet you down here?
396
00:16:06,465 --> 00:16:07,882
Excuse me. Hi.
397
00:16:07,883 --> 00:16:09,634
Will you please stand still?
398
00:16:09,635 --> 00:16:11,803
Uh, can you remake this?
399
00:16:11,804 --> 00:16:13,097
I'm a little busy, man.
400
00:16:13,764 --> 00:16:16,474
No, I know.
I'm not trying to be rude, I promise.
401
00:16:16,475 --> 00:16:18,851
I just, uh... I can't drink this much milk.
402
00:16:18,852 --> 00:16:20,687
You know, I-- I paid for it.
403
00:16:20,688 --> 00:16:22,522
So could you just remake this
404
00:16:22,523 --> 00:16:25,401
with less milk... please?
405
00:16:26,151 --> 00:16:27,443
- Less milk?
- Please.
406
00:16:27,444 --> 00:16:30,364
- Yeah, man. I got you.
- Thanks.
407
00:16:33,617 --> 00:16:35,452
[continues pouring]
408
00:16:41,542 --> 00:16:42,918
Now it's got less milk.
409
00:16:45,087 --> 00:16:47,089
[tense music crescendos]
410
00:16:48,424 --> 00:16:49,257
[music stops]
411
00:16:49,258 --> 00:16:50,717
I'm a professional barista.
412
00:16:50,718 --> 00:16:52,468
I know what a fucking splash is.
413
00:16:52,469 --> 00:16:54,262
["Sedona" by Houndmouth playing]
414
00:16:54,263 --> 00:16:55,805
[woman] Holy shit!
415
00:16:55,806 --> 00:16:57,765
- Oh, my God.
- [people clamoring]
416
00:16:57,766 --> 00:17:00,227
[song continues]
♪ Now the devil's in a rush ♪
417
00:17:02,396 --> 00:17:04,314
- [grunting]
- [objects clattering]
418
00:17:07,401 --> 00:17:08,402
[yells]
419
00:17:09,028 --> 00:17:11,697
- [yelling]
- [objects clattering]
420
00:17:14,158 --> 00:17:15,951
[both grunting]
421
00:17:16,535 --> 00:17:18,953
- [bone cracks]
- [screams] Oh, fuck!
422
00:17:18,954 --> 00:17:20,497
- [Tom grunts]
- [groans]
423
00:17:21,498 --> 00:17:22,833
[breathing heavily]
424
00:17:24,209 --> 00:17:25,836
- [grunts]
- [groans]
425
00:17:26,670 --> 00:17:28,087
[woman groans]
426
00:17:28,088 --> 00:17:29,048
[grunts]
427
00:17:31,425 --> 00:17:32,426
[thuds]
428
00:17:33,552 --> 00:17:35,387
[yelling]
429
00:17:36,764 --> 00:17:37,764
[music fades]
430
00:17:37,765 --> 00:17:39,307
[Jacobs] I'm sorry, Tom.
431
00:17:39,308 --> 00:17:42,853
Are you saying you're the one who
committed these gruesome acts of violence?
432
00:17:43,479 --> 00:17:44,313
Yeah.
433
00:17:48,317 --> 00:17:49,358
And then you...
434
00:17:49,359 --> 00:17:51,444
Put the guy's hand in a blender.
435
00:17:51,445 --> 00:17:53,571
- [blender whirring]
- [screaming]
436
00:17:53,572 --> 00:17:55,281
[screaming]
437
00:17:55,282 --> 00:17:56,574
You don't listen!
438
00:17:56,575 --> 00:17:59,827
[pleasant music playing indistinctly
over speaker]
439
00:17:59,828 --> 00:18:01,496
[laughing]
440
00:18:01,497 --> 00:18:02,748
[screaming]
441
00:18:03,832 --> 00:18:05,334
[yelling]
442
00:18:07,044 --> 00:18:08,462
[Tom yelling]
443
00:18:09,213 --> 00:18:10,631
[both grunting]
444
00:18:12,966 --> 00:18:14,175
[straining]
445
00:18:14,176 --> 00:18:16,220
Open up. Open your mouth.
446
00:18:16,970 --> 00:18:18,638
- Open your mouth.
- [gagging]
447
00:18:18,639 --> 00:18:20,890
- [pleasant song continues]
- You got a system, huh?
448
00:18:20,891 --> 00:18:22,391
You got a system that works?
449
00:18:22,392 --> 00:18:23,601
Does that work?
450
00:18:23,602 --> 00:18:24,685
Open your mouth!
451
00:18:24,686 --> 00:18:26,437
[straining]
452
00:18:26,438 --> 00:18:28,482
[yelling]
453
00:18:30,067 --> 00:18:31,985
[panting]
454
00:18:34,738 --> 00:18:36,865
[pleasant song continues]
455
00:18:39,743 --> 00:18:40,953
[retching]
456
00:18:42,538 --> 00:18:44,831
All right, that's it. You're under arrest.
457
00:18:44,832 --> 00:18:46,333
No, no. Sorry. [chuckles]
458
00:18:47,167 --> 00:18:48,627
Actually...
459
00:18:50,003 --> 00:18:51,463
I still have the receipt.
460
00:18:54,550 --> 00:18:57,803
Oh, yeah. Yep.
It says "splash of milk" right there.
461
00:18:59,054 --> 00:19:00,555
- Sorry about that, sir.
- Yeah.
462
00:19:00,556 --> 00:19:02,765
[both] You missed
the first part of the story.
463
00:19:02,766 --> 00:19:03,850
Jinx.
464
00:19:03,851 --> 00:19:04,977
You owe me a Coke.
465
00:19:05,811 --> 00:19:06,937
How about a coffee?
466
00:19:07,646 --> 00:19:10,064
[all laughing]
467
00:19:10,065 --> 00:19:11,190
That's a good one.
468
00:19:11,191 --> 00:19:13,152
Oh! I'm exhausted.
469
00:19:13,735 --> 00:19:15,153
You killed three people.
470
00:19:15,154 --> 00:19:17,405
[chuckling] I know. I've never done that.
471
00:19:17,406 --> 00:19:18,948
[both laughing]
472
00:19:18,949 --> 00:19:20,909
I don't know
how you guys do it. [chuckles]
473
00:19:21,952 --> 00:19:22,870
Take it easy.
474
00:19:23,620 --> 00:19:24,912
["Sedona" by Houndmouth playing]
475
00:19:24,913 --> 00:19:27,206
♪ Hey, little Hollywood ♪
476
00:19:27,207 --> 00:19:30,168
♪ You're gone but you're not forgot ♪
477
00:19:30,169 --> 00:19:34,255
♪ You got the cash
But your credit's no good ♪
478
00:19:34,256 --> 00:19:37,341
♪ You flipped the script
And you shot the plot ♪
479
00:19:37,342 --> 00:19:39,260
♪ And I remember, I remember ♪
480
00:19:39,261 --> 00:19:43,598
♪ When the neon
Used to burn so bright and pink ♪
481
00:19:43,599 --> 00:19:45,434
♪ So bright and pink! ♪
482
00:19:46,560 --> 00:19:51,565
♪ A Saturday night kind of pink ♪
31684
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