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1
00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:07,966
[slow ominous music playing]
2
00:00:08,883 --> 00:00:10,260
Oh, come on, sir.
3
00:00:11,469 --> 00:00:13,722
- [Cyrus] Where's my slice?
- [Evan] Sorry, Cyrus. All out.
4
00:00:15,807 --> 00:00:17,642
[thunder rumbling]
5
00:00:18,518 --> 00:00:20,520
[tense music playing]
6
00:00:22,856 --> 00:00:24,482
- [distant roaring]
- [screams]
7
00:00:26,693 --> 00:00:29,112
[distant screeching]
8
00:00:30,655 --> 00:00:32,282
[roaring continues]
9
00:00:33,867 --> 00:00:35,659
- [door slams]
- [roaring and screeching stop]
10
00:00:35,660 --> 00:00:37,162
[sobbing]
11
00:00:39,247 --> 00:00:40,247
[crunching]
12
00:00:40,248 --> 00:00:41,790
[gasps]
13
00:00:41,791 --> 00:00:43,834
[uneasy music plays]
14
00:00:43,835 --> 00:00:45,419
Oh, my God.
15
00:00:45,420 --> 00:00:47,338
[floorboard creaking]
16
00:00:48,089 --> 00:00:49,507
[exhales] Stay away from me.
17
00:00:51,259 --> 00:00:52,302
Saint Mary's?
18
00:00:53,762 --> 00:00:55,346
Is that where you're coming from?
19
00:00:56,431 --> 00:00:59,350
- What's happening outside?
- It's a good hospital.
20
00:01:00,602 --> 00:01:02,437
[exhales, clicks tongue]
21
00:01:03,354 --> 00:01:05,648
You probably went under
when most people did.
22
00:01:06,858 --> 00:01:08,610
Shit started to go wild.
23
00:01:09,652 --> 00:01:13,614
{\an8}Computers crashed,
then the aliens showed up.
24
00:01:13,615 --> 00:01:15,074
- Wh-- What?
- Yeah.
25
00:01:15,075 --> 00:01:16,868
The whole world's gone to shit.
26
00:01:17,660 --> 00:01:19,745
Aliens out there... [inhales]
27
00:01:19,746 --> 00:01:21,539
...forcing people. [sighs]
28
00:01:23,291 --> 00:01:24,834
Having their way with them.
29
00:01:26,169 --> 00:01:27,378
Sexually.
30
00:01:28,213 --> 00:01:29,255
Sexually?
31
00:01:30,924 --> 00:01:32,133
I don't understand.
32
00:01:33,426 --> 00:01:34,469
What's your name?
33
00:01:35,428 --> 00:01:37,680
- I'm... I'm Evan.
- Evan.
34
00:01:39,057 --> 00:01:40,058
That's a nice name.
35
00:01:40,809 --> 00:01:42,310
I'm Roger. Come on.
36
00:01:43,061 --> 00:01:44,312
I got you.
37
00:01:49,359 --> 00:01:50,568
You'll be all right.
38
00:01:56,324 --> 00:01:57,951
I gotta get out of here, man.
39
00:01:59,077 --> 00:02:00,869
You're lucky you found this place.
40
00:02:00,870 --> 00:02:02,746
We're safe in here.
41
00:02:02,747 --> 00:02:04,331
How long have you been here?
42
00:02:04,332 --> 00:02:05,624
[chuckles]
43
00:02:05,625 --> 00:02:06,792
[sighs deeply]
44
00:02:06,793 --> 00:02:08,336
A long time.
45
00:02:09,379 --> 00:02:10,588
You haven't tried to leave?
46
00:02:12,006 --> 00:02:13,216
[sighs]
47
00:02:13,925 --> 00:02:16,511
- There's only one way to get out of here.
- What?
48
00:02:17,637 --> 00:02:18,888
What is it?
49
00:02:20,223 --> 00:02:21,516
You're not gonna like it.
50
00:02:22,809 --> 00:02:25,644
I don't care if I don't like it, man.
51
00:02:25,645 --> 00:02:27,063
Just tell me.
52
00:02:30,024 --> 00:02:32,527
I saw some people do it
when I first got here.
53
00:02:34,362 --> 00:02:35,822
It was horrible.
54
00:02:36,656 --> 00:02:38,199
You saw it and it worked?
55
00:02:39,159 --> 00:02:40,702
Why haven't you tried?
56
00:02:42,287 --> 00:02:43,663
You need two people.
57
00:02:44,455 --> 00:02:46,623
They both have to be committed.
58
00:02:46,624 --> 00:02:48,125
That's good.
59
00:02:48,126 --> 00:02:49,293
All right.
60
00:02:49,294 --> 00:02:52,088
We're two people, and we're committed.
61
00:02:53,339 --> 00:02:54,883
Just tell me what it is.
62
00:02:56,759 --> 00:02:57,760
Okay.
63
00:02:58,553 --> 00:03:00,555
You see that toilet over there?
64
00:03:02,891 --> 00:03:03,892
Yeah.
65
00:03:04,434 --> 00:03:06,226
I'm gonna sit on that toilet.
66
00:03:06,227 --> 00:03:07,937
And when I do,
67
00:03:08,813 --> 00:03:11,398
there will be a gap between my legs.
68
00:03:11,399 --> 00:03:14,611
You're gonna come over there
and you're gonna sit in that gap.
69
00:03:15,612 --> 00:03:18,780
And listen, this is where it gets odd.
70
00:03:18,781 --> 00:03:21,659
We both have to shit at the same time.
71
00:03:22,952 --> 00:03:24,579
And if we can do that,
72
00:03:25,246 --> 00:03:26,247
a portal
73
00:03:27,707 --> 00:03:29,792
will open on that wall
74
00:03:30,376 --> 00:03:32,128
and we can leave this madness.
75
00:03:33,546 --> 00:03:35,672
How could you fuck with me like that, man?
76
00:03:35,673 --> 00:03:37,799
I'm not fucking with you.
77
00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:40,845
Sit on a toilet with you
and shit at the same time?
78
00:03:41,930 --> 00:03:43,389
- It works.
- Yeah.
79
00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:46,308
Yeah, you're a fucking lunatic, man.
80
00:03:46,309 --> 00:03:47,936
I'm fucking out of here.
81
00:03:49,604 --> 00:03:50,646
[rattles]
82
00:03:50,647 --> 00:03:52,023
I wouldn't do that.
83
00:03:52,941 --> 00:03:53,858
[indistinct screech]
84
00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:56,486
[groaning]
85
00:03:57,570 --> 00:03:59,196
[Evan sobs]
86
00:03:59,197 --> 00:04:02,158
I just went in to have
my appendix removed.
87
00:04:05,912 --> 00:04:07,288
You see this wall?
88
00:04:08,331 --> 00:04:11,459
This is the portal that opens some...
89
00:04:12,502 --> 00:04:16,381
interdimensional alien something. I...
90
00:04:17,924 --> 00:04:19,050
I've seen it.
91
00:04:21,177 --> 00:04:22,303
It works.
92
00:04:24,180 --> 00:04:26,056
[low ominous sting plays]
93
00:04:26,057 --> 00:04:27,892
This is insane, man.
94
00:04:28,434 --> 00:04:30,894
So I'm just gonna sit back
95
00:04:30,895 --> 00:04:33,731
so the gap is big enough for you there.
96
00:04:35,525 --> 00:04:37,276
And then we're gonna shit together?
97
00:04:37,277 --> 00:04:38,945
Take a look around, man.
98
00:04:39,737 --> 00:04:44,200
You fell asleep in the hospital
and woke up in a goddamn alien apocalypse.
99
00:04:45,034 --> 00:04:48,496
Machines fighting aliens,
aliens fucking humans.
100
00:04:49,622 --> 00:04:52,000
Is this really the craziest thing
happening these days?
101
00:04:53,918 --> 00:04:56,753
- They're fucking humans?
- Uh...
102
00:04:56,754 --> 00:04:58,672
Maybe you'd be a little more comfortable
103
00:04:58,673 --> 00:05:01,718
if you just kind of
faced out the other way.
104
00:05:02,385 --> 00:05:03,385
Turn around.
105
00:05:03,386 --> 00:05:05,430
- Yeah.
- [Evan] Yeah, okay.
106
00:05:06,139 --> 00:05:07,140
Yeah.
107
00:05:08,266 --> 00:05:10,058
- [exhales]
- All right.
108
00:05:10,059 --> 00:05:11,853
Now we just need to focus.
109
00:05:12,937 --> 00:05:14,479
Here we go, Roger. [inhales]
110
00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:15,772
Here we go.
111
00:05:15,773 --> 00:05:17,775
[low suspenseful music playing]
112
00:05:19,027 --> 00:05:21,028
[straining]
113
00:05:21,029 --> 00:05:22,195
[stomach grumbles]
114
00:05:22,196 --> 00:05:23,822
- [water splashes]
- [Evan sighs]
115
00:05:23,823 --> 00:05:26,575
[laughs in relief] I shit.
116
00:05:26,576 --> 00:05:29,996
I did it, but, uh, nothing's happening.
117
00:05:32,081 --> 00:05:33,207
Evan, I...
118
00:05:34,375 --> 00:05:35,626
I didn't go.
119
00:05:36,419 --> 00:05:39,046
What? You... You didn't? But...
120
00:05:39,047 --> 00:05:40,423
I guess I wasn't ready.
121
00:05:41,382 --> 00:05:42,967
Do you maybe have another one in you?
122
00:05:43,551 --> 00:05:46,511
Another one? I don't know, man.
123
00:05:46,512 --> 00:05:48,930
Hold on. [breathes deeply]
124
00:05:48,931 --> 00:05:50,807
- Oh, maybe a little one.
- Ah.
125
00:05:50,808 --> 00:05:53,060
- That's enough.
- Okay.
126
00:05:53,061 --> 00:05:54,979
All right. Here it goes. You ready?
127
00:05:55,938 --> 00:05:57,565
- You bet.
- Yeah, okay.
128
00:05:58,232 --> 00:06:01,944
Okay, here it goes. Here it...
129
00:06:03,112 --> 00:06:05,114
[straining]
130
00:06:06,949 --> 00:06:09,076
- [soft plop]
- [exhales, chuckles]
131
00:06:09,077 --> 00:06:10,244
I did it.
132
00:06:10,787 --> 00:06:11,912
I shit!
133
00:06:11,913 --> 00:06:13,038
Oh, my God!
134
00:06:13,039 --> 00:06:15,541
Did you shit too? [panting]
135
00:06:17,126 --> 00:06:18,461
You know what?
136
00:06:19,504 --> 00:06:20,421
I didn't.
137
00:06:22,340 --> 00:06:23,800
You didn't go?
138
00:06:24,550 --> 00:06:27,929
Then why did I just shit
between your legs?
139
00:06:30,223 --> 00:06:32,224
[whispers] So I can come, baby.
140
00:06:32,225 --> 00:06:34,143
[laughing]
141
00:06:34,811 --> 00:06:36,019
[laughing maniacally]
142
00:06:36,020 --> 00:06:37,938
- [laugh distorts, stops]
- [flesh squelching]
143
00:06:37,939 --> 00:06:38,980
[snarls]
144
00:06:38,981 --> 00:06:41,025
[roaring]
145
00:06:43,486 --> 00:06:45,321
[screaming]
146
00:06:47,406 --> 00:06:49,909
- [roaring and screaming stop]
- [mild music plays over speakers]
147
00:06:52,203 --> 00:06:53,579
What do you think?
148
00:06:54,205 --> 00:06:55,455
I love it.
149
00:06:55,456 --> 00:06:57,624
[laughing] All right! Nice!
150
00:06:57,625 --> 00:06:58,834
- We'll take it.
- Great.
151
00:06:58,835 --> 00:06:59,918
- He's a good kid.
- Yeah.
152
00:06:59,919 --> 00:07:01,336
How'd you trick him?
153
00:07:01,337 --> 00:07:03,088
I made him shit.
154
00:07:03,089 --> 00:07:04,172
You did?
155
00:07:04,173 --> 00:07:05,674
- That's very clever.
- Is it?
156
00:07:05,675 --> 00:07:07,385
Yeah. That is very clever.
157
00:07:07,969 --> 00:07:09,553
Do you want the neuron adapter?
158
00:07:09,554 --> 00:07:11,388
It shocks you when the alien comes.
159
00:07:11,389 --> 00:07:13,056
Buddy, what do you think?
160
00:07:13,057 --> 00:07:14,307
- Yeah!
- Yeah, let's go for it.
161
00:07:14,308 --> 00:07:15,434
[Cyrus] All right.
162
00:07:15,435 --> 00:07:18,270
Some people say it hurts,
but I think it adds to the experience.
163
00:07:18,271 --> 00:07:19,772
[dramatic sting plays]
164
00:07:21,232 --> 00:07:23,066
[musical note chimes]
165
00:07:23,067 --> 00:07:24,818
Success is tough.
166
00:07:24,819 --> 00:07:26,361
Some people define success
167
00:07:26,362 --> 00:07:29,072
as spending quality time
with the people they love.
168
00:07:29,073 --> 00:07:32,451
I think we can all agree
that those people are losers.
169
00:07:32,452 --> 00:07:33,452
[women laugh]
170
00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:36,371
[Tom] Success means different things
to different people.
171
00:07:36,372 --> 00:07:38,582
To this person, it's gaining followers.
172
00:07:38,583 --> 00:07:42,377
To this guy, success means spreading
conspiracy theories on the Internet.
173
00:07:42,378 --> 00:07:44,754
I'm a 20-year-old African American woman,
174
00:07:44,755 --> 00:07:47,716
and the measles vaccine
caused my hair to fall out.
175
00:07:47,717 --> 00:07:50,594
And to this man,
it means going to the bathroom
176
00:07:50,595 --> 00:07:52,596
without filling up the entire toilet
177
00:07:52,597 --> 00:07:53,556
with blood.
178
00:07:54,265 --> 00:07:55,433
Not today.
179
00:07:56,767 --> 00:07:59,060
What does success mean to you?
180
00:07:59,061 --> 00:08:01,146
{\an8}[tense music playing]
181
00:08:01,147 --> 00:08:02,648
{\an8}[crickets chirping]
182
00:08:04,567 --> 00:08:08,528
[woman] He's one of the most
successful actors to grace the screen.
183
00:08:08,529 --> 00:08:12,657
He's punched, he's kicked,
he's flipped countless bad guys.
184
00:08:12,658 --> 00:08:15,495
Didn't your mother teach you
not to stay out after dark?
185
00:08:16,370 --> 00:08:17,412
[grunts]
186
00:08:17,413 --> 00:08:20,624
[woman] Now we are behind the scenes
on the super-secret set
187
00:08:20,625 --> 00:08:24,211
of the new high-octane thriller
Maximum Kickage.
188
00:08:24,212 --> 00:08:27,339
Starring the man, the myth,
the legend himself,
189
00:08:27,340 --> 00:08:29,090
{\an8}Steven Seagal.
190
00:08:29,091 --> 00:08:31,260
{\an8}Steven, you look great.
191
00:08:31,844 --> 00:08:33,471
{\an8}[inhales] Yeah.
192
00:08:34,639 --> 00:08:37,516
{\an8}In the film, you play Drake Kicking,
193
00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:42,229
an American sent to Russia
to expose corrupt FBI agents
194
00:08:42,230 --> 00:08:44,940
who are running
a fentanyl and kiddie porn ring.
195
00:08:44,941 --> 00:08:47,776
Also, I dismantle nuclear bombs.
196
00:08:47,777 --> 00:08:49,402
Also, I'm a doctor.
197
00:08:49,403 --> 00:08:51,239
Also, I make love to many beautiful women.
198
00:08:52,156 --> 00:08:53,407
Sort of like you.
199
00:08:54,450 --> 00:08:55,368
Yeah.
200
00:08:56,160 --> 00:08:58,411
[Kerri] Like any great
Steven Seagal movie,
201
00:08:58,412 --> 00:09:01,749
the audience can expect
heart-pounding fight scenes.
202
00:09:03,834 --> 00:09:06,086
[Steven] I do karate on a helicopter.
203
00:09:06,087 --> 00:09:08,797
I do kung-fu on a speeding motorcycle.
204
00:09:08,798 --> 00:09:10,131
I do all my own shit.
205
00:09:10,132 --> 00:09:11,716
Not like that pussy, Tom Cruise.
206
00:09:11,717 --> 00:09:12,927
Open up.
207
00:09:14,136 --> 00:09:15,053
That was your fault.
208
00:09:15,054 --> 00:09:17,055
Isn't it dangerous
to do stunts practically?
209
00:09:17,056 --> 00:09:18,723
- If you're a bitch.
- Right. [chuckles]
210
00:09:18,724 --> 00:09:20,101
Van Damme is a bitch.
211
00:09:20,977 --> 00:09:21,977
Wesley Snipes is a bitch.
212
00:09:21,978 --> 00:09:23,353
Daniel Craig's a bitch.
213
00:09:23,354 --> 00:09:25,188
- So how do you--
- Jason Statham's a bitch.
214
00:09:25,189 --> 00:09:26,856
- Oh.
- Tom Cruise. Did I say him?
215
00:09:26,857 --> 00:09:28,733
- You did.
- He's a double bitch.
216
00:09:28,734 --> 00:09:30,485
{\an8}[dramatic music playing]
217
00:09:30,486 --> 00:09:32,445
{\an8}What's it like shooting a movie in Russia?
218
00:09:32,446 --> 00:09:33,613
The greatest. The greatest.
219
00:09:33,614 --> 00:09:35,657
My good friend Vladimir Putin
220
00:09:35,658 --> 00:09:37,701
- was very excited.
- [scattered applause]
221
00:09:37,702 --> 00:09:39,870
This has been a dream come true.
222
00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:42,665
- Y'all supposed to be FBI?
- [man] Mm-hmm.
223
00:09:43,374 --> 00:09:45,751
You're fittin' to be FB bye-bye.
224
00:09:46,460 --> 00:09:47,669
- [alarm blaring]
- [bones crack]
225
00:09:47,670 --> 00:09:49,171
[screaming]
226
00:09:51,424 --> 00:09:54,968
{\an8}Hi. I'm James Gonzalez,
and I play FBI Villain One. Yeah.
227
00:09:54,969 --> 00:09:56,720
- You'll pay for this.
- Yeah.
228
00:09:56,721 --> 00:09:57,971
[screams]
229
00:09:57,972 --> 00:10:00,724
- Uh, cut.
- [James] What the fuck, Steven?
230
00:10:00,725 --> 00:10:03,476
{\an8}I'm Ericka.
I play the Head of Special Forces,
231
00:10:03,477 --> 00:10:08,106
and working with Steven
has been an incredible experience.
232
00:10:08,107 --> 00:10:10,775
- Um, I can't speak highly--
- [wheelchair whirring]
233
00:10:10,776 --> 00:10:12,862
[objects clattering]
234
00:10:15,406 --> 00:10:16,991
[people murmuring]
235
00:10:21,329 --> 00:10:22,330
[Ericka] Um...
236
00:10:22,913 --> 00:10:24,915
- [beeping]
- [whirring]
237
00:10:25,750 --> 00:10:27,043
[Ericka] Oh, uh...
238
00:10:31,464 --> 00:10:33,382
- Um...
- [clatters]
239
00:10:34,634 --> 00:10:36,635
{\an8}Sugar, this ain't nothing but a nuke.
240
00:10:36,636 --> 00:10:37,969
{\an8}- Cut the black wire.
- [beeping]
241
00:10:37,970 --> 00:10:41,014
From what I hear,
you don't always stick to the script.
242
00:10:41,015 --> 00:10:43,099
Well, I am the king of improv.
243
00:10:43,100 --> 00:10:47,312
In my 30 years on Special Forces,
I've never seen anyone as brave as you.
244
00:10:47,313 --> 00:10:50,273
{\an8}- Shut up and kiss me.
- What? Um...
245
00:10:50,274 --> 00:10:51,900
{\an8}[chuckles nervously] Um...
246
00:10:51,901 --> 00:10:53,526
{\an8}I've gotta... The bomb's ticking out.
247
00:10:53,527 --> 00:10:54,694
{\an8}[rapid beeping]
248
00:10:54,695 --> 00:10:55,779
{\an8}Um, no.
249
00:10:55,780 --> 00:10:57,239
What are we doing here?
250
00:10:57,740 --> 00:11:02,452
In my 30 years on Special Forces,
I've never seen anyone as brave as you.
251
00:11:02,453 --> 00:11:03,621
{\an8}Shut up and kiss me.
252
00:11:04,705 --> 00:11:06,540
{\an8}[rapid beeping]
253
00:11:13,339 --> 00:11:15,715
Like I said, I am the king of improv.
254
00:11:15,716 --> 00:11:18,301
- You do have a way with words.
- [both chuckle]
255
00:11:18,302 --> 00:11:19,804
[imperceptible]
256
00:11:21,806 --> 00:11:24,182
- Fuck, fuck, fuck...
- [Kerri] Do we need to cut?
257
00:11:24,183 --> 00:11:26,601
[Steven] No, baby. These are my investors.
258
00:11:26,602 --> 00:11:29,020
[in Russian] What's up? [laughs]
259
00:11:29,021 --> 00:11:30,856
[in English] Hey, what a surprise.
260
00:11:34,026 --> 00:11:36,528
Nyet? All right.
Well, this is gonna be a classic.
261
00:11:36,529 --> 00:11:37,862
It's got fights.
262
00:11:37,863 --> 00:11:38,947
Hardcore sex...
263
00:11:38,948 --> 00:11:41,574
[in Russian] We've seen the dailies,
this is a garbage movie.
264
00:11:41,575 --> 00:11:43,660
[in English] We only got
one more scene. That's it.
265
00:11:43,661 --> 00:11:44,828
You're gonna love it.
266
00:11:44,829 --> 00:11:47,038
[in Russian] You idiot,
you owe us $80 million.
267
00:11:47,039 --> 00:11:48,873
Oleg, remove his testicles.
268
00:11:48,874 --> 00:11:51,042
[in English] Hey, hey, no, listen, y'all.
269
00:11:51,043 --> 00:11:53,503
Just give old Stevie one more shot.
270
00:11:53,504 --> 00:11:56,005
It's going to be a beautiful scene.
Come watch.
271
00:11:56,006 --> 00:11:57,550
Let me do my magic.
272
00:11:58,300 --> 00:11:59,759
Let me keep my testicles.
273
00:11:59,760 --> 00:12:01,928
[in Russian] Fine, let's see this scene.
274
00:12:01,929 --> 00:12:03,638
Spasibo.
275
00:12:03,639 --> 00:12:04,557
[beeps]
276
00:12:06,934 --> 00:12:08,017
{\an8}[man 1] Roll, mark.
277
00:12:08,018 --> 00:12:10,645
[man 2] Here we go. Ready and action!
278
00:12:10,646 --> 00:12:13,565
America says it's tax time.
279
00:12:13,566 --> 00:12:15,400
[grunts]
280
00:12:15,401 --> 00:12:16,526
Ah!
281
00:12:16,527 --> 00:12:19,821
You know, I could kill you
very easily right now.
282
00:12:19,822 --> 00:12:23,117
But I know you'll be
waiting for me in hell.
283
00:12:23,659 --> 00:12:25,703
[groaning]
284
00:12:26,912 --> 00:12:28,830
Fuck it. [groaning]
285
00:12:28,831 --> 00:12:30,582
[flesh squelching]
286
00:12:30,583 --> 00:12:32,625
[grunting]
287
00:12:32,626 --> 00:12:34,127
- [woman sighs]
- [Steven] I'm dyin'.
288
00:12:34,128 --> 00:12:37,006
I'm bleeding and I'm dying.
Look at me die, everybody.
289
00:12:39,508 --> 00:12:40,509
Cut.
290
00:12:41,302 --> 00:12:44,262
- [bell rings]
- Camera down! I said camera down!
291
00:12:44,263 --> 00:12:46,764
That was the best acting
I've ever seen me do.
292
00:12:46,765 --> 00:12:48,933
[in Russian] We have enough
to finish the film.
293
00:12:48,934 --> 00:12:51,686
[in English] Wait.
It ain't got to be like this. Wait!
294
00:12:51,687 --> 00:12:54,189
{\an8}["State Anthem of the
Russian Federation" plays]
295
00:12:54,190 --> 00:12:55,691
{\an8}PLEASE STAND BY
296
00:12:56,275 --> 00:13:02,531
Maximum Kickage coming to hotel rooms
and Russian annexed territories this fall.
297
00:13:04,408 --> 00:13:06,201
Yeah. I just want to go home, man.
298
00:13:06,202 --> 00:13:08,120
[dramatic sting plays]
299
00:13:09,747 --> 00:13:11,039
[musical note chimes]
300
00:13:11,040 --> 00:13:12,415
Hey, hen hounds,
301
00:13:12,416 --> 00:13:14,876
{\an8}it's your favorite country
global superstar, Rex Henley.
302
00:13:14,877 --> 00:13:17,128
{\an8}I've been seeing the comments
y'all have been leaving
303
00:13:17,129 --> 00:13:21,758
{\an8}on my social media platforms
and I've been hearing the jokes on TV.
304
00:13:21,759 --> 00:13:24,302
Country singer, Rex Henley,
has a new single.
305
00:13:24,303 --> 00:13:26,513
It's called, and I'm not making this up,
306
00:13:26,514 --> 00:13:28,306
Rich Guy Advice.
307
00:13:28,307 --> 00:13:31,100
- [all laughing]
- That's the actual the title of the album.
308
00:13:31,101 --> 00:13:33,353
- Rex Henley is a fucking weirdo.
- [all laugh]
309
00:13:33,354 --> 00:13:36,147
[woman] This is the guy who used
to write heartfelt American songs
310
00:13:36,148 --> 00:13:37,649
about his '65 Chevy.
311
00:13:37,650 --> 00:13:39,567
- Now he's doing this?
- [all laugh]
312
00:13:39,568 --> 00:13:42,279
{\an8}I get it. Maybe I got too many fancy cars.
313
00:13:43,447 --> 00:13:44,781
{\an8}Planes and...
314
00:13:44,782 --> 00:13:46,616
{\an8}drink too many iced macchiatos.
315
00:13:46,617 --> 00:13:48,785
{\an8}Rex, here's some rich-guy advice for you.
316
00:13:48,786 --> 00:13:50,995
- Stop making music, please.
- [all laughing]
317
00:13:50,996 --> 00:13:53,957
- [dramatic sting plays]
- I'mma make a promise to y'all.
318
00:13:53,958 --> 00:13:57,294
The next time you hear a Rex Henley song,
319
00:13:58,128 --> 00:13:59,630
you're gonna get touched
320
00:14:00,548 --> 00:14:02,758
in a way you've never been touched before.
321
00:14:04,134 --> 00:14:05,219
And I like that.
322
00:14:07,096 --> 00:14:08,680
I really like that.
323
00:14:08,681 --> 00:14:10,181
[dramatic sting plays]
324
00:14:10,182 --> 00:14:12,183
[woman panting]
325
00:14:12,184 --> 00:14:14,102
- [breathing heavily]
- [rattling]
326
00:14:14,103 --> 00:14:16,688
- [muffled men chattering]
- [straining]
327
00:14:16,689 --> 00:14:18,273
[foreboding music playing]
328
00:14:18,274 --> 00:14:20,317
[soldier in Korean]
Run faster. Where are you?
329
00:14:20,943 --> 00:14:22,903
Hey, come here! Hurry up!
330
00:14:23,779 --> 00:14:25,697
Hey! What are you doing?
331
00:14:25,698 --> 00:14:29,701
[in English] No, sir, oh, please, sir.
I was just trying to tie my shoe.
332
00:14:29,702 --> 00:14:30,994
[in Korean] You bastard!
333
00:14:30,995 --> 00:14:31,953
[gasps]
334
00:14:31,954 --> 00:14:34,123
[soldier] It's here, hurry up!
335
00:14:35,165 --> 00:14:37,167
- [rattling stops]
- [latch clicks]
336
00:14:38,127 --> 00:14:40,128
[dramatic music playing]
337
00:14:40,129 --> 00:14:42,047
[breathing heavily]
338
00:14:42,631 --> 00:14:43,716
[gasps]
339
00:14:44,633 --> 00:14:46,635
[soldier] Move, quick!
340
00:14:47,261 --> 00:14:49,220
Move, quickly!
341
00:14:49,221 --> 00:14:50,764
[woman gasping]
342
00:14:51,265 --> 00:14:53,516
[in English] Oh, my God.
Oh. Please don't hurt me.
343
00:14:53,517 --> 00:14:55,352
No one's gonna hurt you.
344
00:14:56,854 --> 00:14:58,271
Where am I?
345
00:14:58,272 --> 00:15:02,275
The last thing I remember
was being at a concert, I think?
346
00:15:02,276 --> 00:15:04,485
Yeah, we were all at a fucking concert.
347
00:15:04,486 --> 00:15:07,990
[rock guitar music playing over speakers]
348
00:15:09,658 --> 00:15:10,950
Here we go.
349
00:15:10,951 --> 00:15:14,455
- [soldiers shouting indistinctly]
- [all clapping rhythmically]
350
00:15:18,918 --> 00:15:20,753
Don't even think about runnin'.
351
00:15:21,545 --> 00:15:24,632
[Rex over speakers]
♪ Big trucks, cold beer ♪
352
00:15:25,507 --> 00:15:28,885
♪ Stars and stripes
Still fly around here ♪
353
00:15:28,886 --> 00:15:31,221
[woman whispers dramatically] He's coming.
354
00:15:32,681 --> 00:15:34,558
He's coming.
355
00:15:35,517 --> 00:15:37,853
What the fuck?
356
00:15:38,687 --> 00:15:42,023
[Rex over speakers]
♪ Country music and kickin' ass, yeah! ♪
357
00:15:42,024 --> 00:15:44,442
[engine revving]
358
00:15:44,443 --> 00:15:46,028
[song continues indistinctly]
359
00:15:56,246 --> 00:15:58,247
[tense music playing]
360
00:15:58,248 --> 00:16:00,208
[in English] Just keep clapping.
361
00:16:00,209 --> 00:16:02,002
[all continue clapping slowly]
362
00:16:05,881 --> 00:16:07,716
[tense music continues]
363
00:16:15,474 --> 00:16:18,393
[rock music plays, fades]
364
00:16:18,394 --> 00:16:19,311
All right!
365
00:16:19,895 --> 00:16:21,396
Is that Rex Henley?
366
00:16:21,397 --> 00:16:25,566
Whoo! All right, you guys ready
for an unplugged sesh?
367
00:16:25,567 --> 00:16:27,527
[all, dejectedly] Yeah.
368
00:16:27,528 --> 00:16:29,570
Hey-hey, that's the good stuff, man.
369
00:16:29,571 --> 00:16:31,155
God damn, I miss those cheers.
370
00:16:31,156 --> 00:16:33,241
Feels good when they clap.
371
00:16:33,242 --> 00:16:35,202
All right. Whoo!
372
00:16:36,370 --> 00:16:38,372
Now, where my hen hounds at?
373
00:16:39,039 --> 00:16:41,040
[people cheer halfheartedly]
374
00:16:41,041 --> 00:16:43,543
[Rex] You guys ready to get to it?
You lazy bums.
375
00:16:43,544 --> 00:16:44,794
[whispers] What is happening?
376
00:16:44,795 --> 00:16:47,255
- [Rex] Enough resting.
- He's kidnapped a bunch of his fans.
377
00:16:47,256 --> 00:16:49,590
- [Rex] We're here to work.
- He's mining us for material.
378
00:16:49,591 --> 00:16:51,426
He's trying to write a new album.
379
00:16:51,427 --> 00:16:53,595
So think of this as a conversation.
380
00:16:54,304 --> 00:16:56,597
We are wiping out the walls
between you and me
381
00:16:56,598 --> 00:17:00,143
in an effort to get to the truth.
382
00:17:00,144 --> 00:17:01,561
That's where I want to go.
383
00:17:01,562 --> 00:17:04,480
I want to get to the real stuff.
Slick stuff, raw stuff.
384
00:17:04,481 --> 00:17:07,942
He even built this fake town
to try to relate to normal folk.
385
00:17:07,943 --> 00:17:10,528
[Rex] The only way you do that
is by being honest.
386
00:17:10,529 --> 00:17:12,155
I'm in pursuit of it.
387
00:17:12,156 --> 00:17:15,199
He calls us the poors.
I'm a brain surgeon.
388
00:17:15,200 --> 00:17:18,537
Now, who's ready
to share a problem they got?
389
00:17:19,246 --> 00:17:21,706
You, hat, tell me one of your problems.
390
00:17:21,707 --> 00:17:23,000
[man] Uh...
391
00:17:23,834 --> 00:17:24,877
My feet hurt.
392
00:17:26,336 --> 00:17:28,004
My feet hurt.
393
00:17:28,005 --> 00:17:29,213
You hear this shit?
394
00:17:29,214 --> 00:17:32,175
You think I wanna write a song
about a busted fucking flip-flop?
395
00:17:32,176 --> 00:17:35,344
This ain't Margaritaville, muchacho.
I want some real shit.
396
00:17:35,345 --> 00:17:38,097
Why don't you go get your toes done?
Anybody else?
397
00:17:38,098 --> 00:17:39,016
You.
398
00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:42,227
My mother died in 9/11.
399
00:17:42,853 --> 00:17:45,105
Ooh! I like that.
400
00:17:46,065 --> 00:17:48,232
Byung Sung, where are your manners?
401
00:17:48,233 --> 00:17:50,194
Give this starving bitch a shrimp.
402
00:17:51,028 --> 00:17:52,028
[strumming guitar]
403
00:17:52,029 --> 00:17:53,447
[in Korean] This hag.
404
00:17:53,989 --> 00:17:56,241
- Here's a bunch. Eat it, bitch!
- [woman exclaiming]
405
00:17:59,244 --> 00:18:00,829
[whimpering]
406
00:18:04,416 --> 00:18:07,043
[in English]
♪ On a cold September morning ♪
407
00:18:07,044 --> 00:18:10,963
[hesitantly]
♪ Mama got up to go to work ♪
408
00:18:10,964 --> 00:18:14,509
Yeah, I can work with that.
I like that. Very nice.
409
00:18:14,510 --> 00:18:15,760
[whispers indistinctly]
410
00:18:15,761 --> 00:18:17,596
[uneasy music playing]
411
00:18:21,642 --> 00:18:22,642
[sighs]
412
00:18:22,643 --> 00:18:25,979
You know, I like 9/11
as much as the next guy.
413
00:18:26,688 --> 00:18:29,524
But my good buddy, Byung Sung, here
414
00:18:29,525 --> 00:18:32,026
just reminded me that a few months ago,
415
00:18:32,027 --> 00:18:35,197
you said your mama died in a hurricane.
416
00:18:36,115 --> 00:18:41,410
Now, I do not quite recall
what sent those towers crumbling down,
417
00:18:41,411 --> 00:18:43,413
because I was very busy that morning.
418
00:18:44,081 --> 00:18:48,960
But I'm pretty sure
it wasn't a fucking hurricane!
419
00:18:48,961 --> 00:18:51,420
- [soldiers grunt]
- No! [yelling]
420
00:18:51,421 --> 00:18:53,048
- Oh!
- [woman screaming]
421
00:18:53,632 --> 00:18:56,635
Guys? Guys? Guys!
422
00:18:57,553 --> 00:18:59,137
This is about trust.
423
00:18:59,138 --> 00:19:01,430
I mean, we're a family here.
424
00:19:01,431 --> 00:19:02,850
- [gunshot]
- [gasps]
425
00:19:03,475 --> 00:19:06,561
Families love each other,
families laugh together.
426
00:19:06,562 --> 00:19:07,813
[laughs]
427
00:19:08,522 --> 00:19:10,148
We laugh all goddamn day.
428
00:19:10,149 --> 00:19:11,858
[softly] Oh, we're not a family.
429
00:19:11,859 --> 00:19:13,025
What was that?
430
00:19:13,026 --> 00:19:14,193
[tense music plays]
431
00:19:14,194 --> 00:19:15,821
- What'd you just say?
- Uh...
432
00:19:16,947 --> 00:19:20,951
I said... I said, "We're not a family."
433
00:19:21,535 --> 00:19:24,955
Uh, yes, we are. It says it right there
on the fucking merch!
434
00:19:26,623 --> 00:19:29,418
Well, family don't, uh, kidnap each other.
435
00:19:30,002 --> 00:19:32,087
[tense music building]
436
00:19:36,758 --> 00:19:39,928
[laughs, clears throat]
437
00:19:44,892 --> 00:19:45,809
You just...
438
00:19:47,936 --> 00:19:49,353
- [music stops]
- Fuck!
439
00:19:49,354 --> 00:19:51,899
Way to ruin the groove, you selfish shit.
440
00:19:52,441 --> 00:19:53,441
[sighs]
441
00:19:53,442 --> 00:19:56,611
Session's over. No more jamming today.
442
00:19:56,612 --> 00:19:59,198
- Byung Sung, take that bullshit.
- [guitar thuds]
443
00:19:59,781 --> 00:20:01,782
- God damn it!
- [soldier shouts indistinctly]
444
00:20:01,783 --> 00:20:03,035
Nice knowing you.
445
00:20:05,412 --> 00:20:08,415
- [soldier in Korean] Move quickly!
- [indistinct shouting]
446
00:20:10,876 --> 00:20:12,711
[wood creaking softly]
447
00:20:15,714 --> 00:20:18,382
- [soldier 2] Get in and find her. Got it?
- [soldier 3] Yes, sir.
448
00:20:18,383 --> 00:20:20,009
[soldier 2] Let me open the door now.
449
00:20:20,010 --> 00:20:21,594
- Get ready.
- [soldier 3] Yes!
450
00:20:21,595 --> 00:20:22,762
[soldier 2] Here you go.
451
00:20:22,763 --> 00:20:24,138
- [door opens]
- [gasps]
452
00:20:24,139 --> 00:20:25,932
[soldiers shouting]
453
00:20:25,933 --> 00:20:27,850
{\an8}- [speaking Korean]
- [screams]
454
00:20:27,851 --> 00:20:29,477
{\an8}Get on your feet now!
455
00:20:29,478 --> 00:20:31,562
[woman in English] No! [screaming]
456
00:20:31,563 --> 00:20:33,689
- [in Korean] Hold her!
- [screaming]
457
00:20:33,690 --> 00:20:34,983
Come here!
458
00:20:35,525 --> 00:20:37,401
Hey, where is it? Find it quickly!
459
00:20:37,402 --> 00:20:38,444
On your knees!
460
00:20:38,445 --> 00:20:39,695
[in English] Oh, God, please!
461
00:20:39,696 --> 00:20:41,072
[in Korean] What?
462
00:20:41,073 --> 00:20:43,909
[in English] Oh. Don't kill me!
Please, please, please.
463
00:20:46,536 --> 00:20:48,372
[tense music plays]
464
00:20:50,582 --> 00:20:52,208
[music fades, stops]
465
00:20:52,209 --> 00:20:54,127
[wood creaking softly]
466
00:20:54,711 --> 00:20:56,713
[uneasy music playing]
467
00:21:07,224 --> 00:21:10,184
{\an8}[Rex] Hey, Shelly, thought a lot
about what you said
468
00:21:10,185 --> 00:21:13,104
{\an8}and I'd love to chitchat
over dinner up at the residence.
469
00:21:13,105 --> 00:21:14,731
{\an8}Your compadre, Rex.
470
00:21:15,565 --> 00:21:17,608
P.S. Wash up, stinky!
471
00:21:17,609 --> 00:21:19,528
LOL. [laughs]
472
00:21:20,529 --> 00:21:23,115
{\an8}[speaking Korean]
473
00:21:27,995 --> 00:21:29,996
[tense music building]
474
00:21:29,997 --> 00:21:31,498
[dramatic sting plays]
475
00:21:32,082 --> 00:21:35,877
[Rex]
♪ Big trucks, cold beer ♪
476
00:21:36,461 --> 00:21:39,797
♪ Stars and stripes
Still fly around here ♪
477
00:21:39,798 --> 00:21:41,091
♪ Yeah, they do ♪
478
00:21:44,720 --> 00:21:48,348
♪ Fast cars, hitchin' bass ♪
479
00:21:48,890 --> 00:21:53,312
♪ Country music and kickin' ass, yeah! ♪
480
00:21:54,271 --> 00:21:58,108
♪ Whoo! Yeah, kickin' ass ♪
32233
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