Original subtitles

welcome to Oxnard California

population two hundred thousand

it's a city with very diverse culture

the popular local catchphrase

is going hard in the 'nard

this maybe a tribute that Oxnard's not above average crime-ry

very crime has a victim and ever victim has story of strength, struggle, love

this is the tale of Oliver Barns and it begins with Oliver

stoned

[music plays]

well, hi there sexy lady

welcome, please select the wash

ooum

[speaks Chinese]

son of a bitch

oh fuck

yo Oliver

what the f' is going on here, bro?

why is interior of Acura soaked?

no that's the part of dangerous package

don't bullshit me, dawg

I know you're out enjoy riding this car

you took this to hand ,free of Victoria , didn't you?

yeah, if I paid for it so who cares

are you high?

no

then why your eyes are so red

uh, the shampoo,....

[blows raspberry] shot at face

you see space between my finger?

that space represent how close you're being fired.

that's for shizzle, my man!

so sorry you had to see that.

I thought I was speeding the process by getting car washed first.

I didn't know miss Jones lest the sunroof open

-I can't be blame for that -ofcourse you can't be blame for that, you cant be blame for anything

that the magic of Oliver never responsible for his actions

who thinks the car get washed with windows down

alright, fine, I'll do better, um

why don't you put me on the phones

forget it, you'd be calling for pizzas ,checking the correct time

here, you know what?

hit the streets!

oh, dad why am I on flier duty?

you need to start take advantage of the opportunity that you given

'cus if you don't , mark my words

they will disappear

oh, and Oliver

-yeah -could you please call me Jeff

the whole dad thing makes me out to be kinda old and weird

you know, cus we're a

dangerously cool dudes

[chair noises] 'kay

is this broke? did you send my chair?

com'on down the dangerous details

danger is in the detail

first visit free

-oh excuse me miss -I'm not interested

are you sure? I'm very detail oriented, I'll do good job

fine, I'll take one but only cus my boyfirend drives a really bitchin' car

yeah, we don't really do free details for your boyfirend

-pussy -no, c'mon man, shit

-the devil what?

the devil is the detail, you get you're whole slogan ass backwards

have some pride in your marketing -well, it's not my slogan, it's my dad's, it's his comapny

-what you got there, chief -marijuana

you probably shoudn't partake seeing as how you working and all -yeah, well

yolo, it's something right

I love you yolo

how is he?

he's good -would you say hello for me

sure man, whatever you say budd

you know, what?

I see alot of myself in you

the way you carry yourself

oh, yeah, how so

well, I don't normally like to

dispense advice here on bench

it's not safe, um

but if you wanna come back with me to my tent

I can probably teach you a thing or two

-about life -yes

screw that, I got dreams to follow

I have dreams

had

but what

life is good

c'mon, who's gonna get it who's gonna get it

hello

who are you?

why do you have ladder?

oh, you guys are the painters

__works, hold on

that shit's really hard to paint, like all the lines are really strange

I always wanted me something like paint brush

and what you do with that

what's in the India like?

is it, is it spicey?

oh, you guys forgot your paint

romantic ram??? what the,

hey, hey, that's my joint.

he wore skinny jeans

my father wear skinny jeans, we

nothing, you don't think that's kinda strange, right?

are you guy wear a __bat?

let me show you my skateboard

I'm okay

-Oliver -yo, Benson, I have an emergency.

-my favorite drug dealer -weed dealer

-what's up with those guys? -they are my new Indian friends

I don't really had them break to the language barrier yet

so I just call 'em dagger and bloodline

hey, do you have any more that platinum blue dream that I love?

-sorry, I all out. -seriously you're kidding me, right?

do I ever lie?

did you cry dyr__act__ium for dream? -no

-why your dad leaved your mom? -she left him, I blame myself

was there ever a time in your life you think you're gay?

not fully, but I sense bi-curiosity in high school.

-what inch is your penis?-3 and half inches

-what, how do get so much action? -it's not the size of dog, it's how you walk it.

wow

it's been very revealing morning

-come on in -thank you, why are you of work?

it's the strangest thing, Jeff just gave me the day off

c'mon, man, you're afraid to wake up one day

all old and alone wishing you had family and kids

babys to kick it with

hell, no, I'm not a commitment guy

I swim solo like a

shark

that doesn't sound like shark to me

bet you got some secrets hidden away truth's out there, man

hey

I live a life of transparency to set an example

an example that the human race should treat one another

yeah, I am leading a movemont to truth

you should join us -um

I'm serious, I bet the government

you know government is keeping record all of stuff you do in internet?

I bet that the NSA has more info on you

that a _stazi had on east Germans

Oliver

you better not seen on that coach smoking weed with those mexicans

shit, hide that stuff, quick, grab it

-oh, hey, jeniffer, what's up? -what's up?

fuck you,that's what's up.

how many times I've told you not to smoke with these Mexican painters

they're

totally Indian

how are you even confusing us to?

we are payning them by the hour

you're litrealy, costing me money right now.

yeah, that's right you enchilada tikka masalas let's go, let's get out here, c'mon

you know, when you pay people in hourly rate, they're tend to take their time

speatialy when you treat'em like shit

then maybe you're lazy ass shouldn't gotten up

actually done something around here,oh like,I don't know

painted the house

let's not having dick showing contest

I bet you spend all day at club house pool, am I right?

f you, Olive, I have errands to run, for Jeff.

oh, in a bathing suit

face it you do last than I do

oh, I seriously doubt that

I'm the head of marketing and offical spokesmodel

[snaps] at dangerous details we're ripped through the competition

we pick up detail and leave your vehicle at top speed

for lighening cheap prices

call us today

you get you first detail free

come on down to dangerous details

where the danger is in

the detail

bitch please don't act that you run this place

you selpt with my dad for his money

we all know you had sex with Benson senior year for some coke

it's true,those were some dark days!

[doors shut]

Oliver

better not bail on work to sit on that couch

smoke weed with your loser friend Benson

hey, look at that banging babe

you're fresht, cus I'm gonna take to lauch girl

-on the way to launch -okay, fine but I'am picking

why don't I ever get to pick?

cus, I have better taste in foot

oh, Benson, what's up bro?

oh, slowly

can I get Oliver alone for a minute? outside

sure, whatever

what we will do next

little _lines blood

I'll ask __him thunderthought, winner

look Oliver

I've been talking with Jenn and this arrangement is not working

what arrangement?

you, work, the house

you're not take any of it serious

it's time for you to go stay with your mother

have some mom time, wouldn't that be nice?

fuck that

Tuscan's a hellhole

I have one bad day, I've slipped off, I can get back on my feet

you've had serveral bad day

and you know what I don't see you doing anything to fix it

I've been living the dream,you know, what made you think I can't keep count

it's not my fault, it's the economy, you know outsourcing

everything's going robotic now

you know social networking has literally changed the game

alright enogh excuses

I need you to get all stuff together, so you can be out by end of next week

please dad, I mean

please Jeff don't send me to Tuscan

I've fuck up fliers, and I know that milf's car

but I can do better, just give me more shot to show my value

we're the dangerously cool guys, right?

you fucked up the fliers, how did you fucked up the fliers

you just had to hand 'em out

okay, get up, c'mon get up, enough with theatrics

stop being such pussy bro

the ms road call the butters frigging Mercury okay

she want's the whole dangerous package -the answer is yes

anything but Tuscan

I don't wanna see you at all this weekend, you got it?

Jennifer and I need a little alone time, haven't been physical in awhile

so i need you to hook a brother up, okay?

uhm

is that a deal?

(promise me)is so good

this is like the best, this is probably

is top

five best weed I ever smoked

hey, that's reminds me, your dad's a dick

Jennifer's a racist, that shit hurt my feelings, okay

yo, I don't really think they understand your profession

or you for that matter you're a complicated guy

they don't have to make fun of me, that's what I saying

I'm sorry Ben, I walk _angels__ with that dude

-you want this -nah, thanks, I'm good

plus you really need it more than I do anyway

sorry, dude.

[imitates explosion]

-later -later

-outside handle -I got it

olvier, my sweet, thanks for coming on such short notice

oh, not a problem ma'am,it's my job after all

you know what I mean? -I sure do

-well, here's the car -wow

this thing's super sweet

what's the need for dangerous details

if you must know I had small fling with hot young ticket

and we spread love juice on the backseat

[sniffs]

oh, I wish he were as masculine as you sweet thing

that is pretty disgusting

I'll see what I can do, when do you need it by?

Monday, my husband coming back

and he will flip his lid if he finds another man's DNA on the backseat

if you know what I mean? -I do

you made that quite clear

Oliver you're such sweet boy

say, do you think I can get 50 bucks up front

I need to get special leather scrubbed for that interior

I love ice cream

shut the fuck up, cus I

cus I'm working today, this is supposed to be my day off

oh, that's my fault

you can find your own damn right of a party, cus I'm done doing your shit

yo, what's this dude's deal? is he selling ice cream or what?

you, what up? homie

this dude hella pissed, been screaming at his phone for 30 minutes

piece of shit, you know what? I'm done buy your ...

face makeup okay? so f you dad.

what you dickheads want?

yeah, hi, I know this might be a strange request

but you have a beef sticks or slim jims

this is a ice cream truck not a meat wagon

look baby D, just bust out for 'em chaco tacos

me and homie got the munchies like Mf'r right now

alright, I got three, so 6 bucks

can you give'm, dawg

I'll hit your (last night ??) paycheak

oh, sure

can you break a 50?

what the f this look like? (walmoo)???

I can't take a fifty, go get some change

can I get change for fifty?

are you buy anything here?

[chink]

yo, you little puck ass

the liquor store has the same ice cream for have to ....

[slowly]fuck

you in there? ice cream driver

bummer

I was just starting to like the guy too

you know only it's takes almost 2 seconds jimmy the lock on Mercury

and another fifteen to get started

over hundred cars are stolen every weeks

most of witch never returned to their owners

what fuck did I do?

fuck

operator

yeah I need to talk to my friend Benson

do you have a lastname sir?

he never told me

could you ran off a few options?

not sure I'm allowed to say -fuck

I'm fucking high

what's the number for the cops?

that would be 911, sir.

-can you describe the vehicle? there was a 55 Mercury.

you know the model? -I'm not a fucking engineer

language

it was a vintage car and have love stains in the backseat

how many of those old Mercury driving around?

you don't like the type of guy that be driving classic car

you more look like a bike guy

-are sure missing a bike? -what?

no fuck you. -hey

language

I wasn't riding a bike

I never learned how

so you got an incomplete childhood

-are you high? -no

I've been cry for the stupid car

uhh

what's that in your pocket? -it's nothing

it's a tumor

here, hold this one for me, will you?

hey, what are you ding? its not my __fire__

oh, my, my

look what we have here.

that's not mine

[sniffs] purple urbpall

used to smoke dupe like these back in the 80s

c'mon man, I worked hard for that.

get the f out.

wait, what about the car?

we probably won't find it, but if we hear anything

we'll give you a call.

can I get a ride?

[tires screeching]

yo, chocolate Chaco Taco.

did you see someone go down by the ice cream truck?

oh, what up? homie

you dressed mister dog

better hell you give a free treats for everyone.

do you take the car I was driving?

oh, man, you got a car?

for, you should get me a ride to state park.

no, what?

my car was stolen, did you see who took it?

I don't know.

I don't really pay a attention to things.

damn it!

hey

you seem upset.

I am

I'm fucking pissed

my highness wearing off.

oh, you smoke?

that's cool, uh

do you wanna go burn a bar??

oh, my goodness, I'd love to.

right' on, brother.

[fake cough]

so

you've got some good shit?

have any sh...

I don't have any shit, you're the ...

you at ...

hey, my bad bro

that was a communical misunderstanding.

bu dude, we should get back at that fool for taking your weed

take his ice cream.

I should've steal the whole f'ing truck

oh, there you go big dawg.

now that is a MF'ing come up

he steals your weed and you steal his ride.

pay it forward

dumbass, he didn't even get a chaco taco .

damn it.

what the fuck?

alright

take two.

shit, shit

welcome back to machine treason.

for those of you who just tuning in our weekend topic is the ununki

a shape shifting (abrasive??) reptilian

humanoid hiding in plain sight

as our world leaders

are they real?

let's go for Mark Calloway from Fort Worth, Texas

I believe that these dinosaurs__oid lives under Ground

they're using earth core as heat source like a the second son

well, I ... [knocking on the door]

Benson, it's Oliver, I'm freaking out, I need you

uh, Mark Calloway from Texas, I have to call you back.

they have some military base on dark side of the moon. if you pot my

sorry

machine treason, protecting mankind from the Man

we will return shortly.

fuck man.

come on man just let me in

okay aside from terorizeing my podcast what the hell doing in my house?

this isn't a pickup service, deliveries only

what's it to do with those girls?

they're my employees, I had to hire trusted helps for you know, my crops

why are they wearing any cloths?

they aren't trusted in 'em, it's like new jack city in here.

just, get inside.

alright, let me get this straight.

you baked out of your mind

your car gets jacked, you call the five-o

a cop beats your ass

and then you just think, hey

I'm gonna steal this ice cream truck.

it's always your saying man

this is some conspiracy theory shit

what if it was Jennifer

what if she set me up, no

you should put that in your show

I seriously doubt it was Jennifer, okay

hold on, are you sure your not followed?

I mean, the police know you're short on herbage.

what if it is some kinda sting operation? -no, relax, I wasn't followed

[knocks on the door] uhhh

that was a fucking cop knock man.

how do you know?

because it was five solid fist knock man 1 2 3 4, my shit

do you hate me right now?

yes

okay, just

alright, everybody act natural.

I need to find some kind of disguise.

how the hell are you?

are you diver of ice cream truck?

no, who wants to know?

me, Megan

the driver of that scooter over there.

ohhhh, shit -yeah

I'm already late to work and that's my only motive transportation

Oliver

come on inside.

it's anna towala, Megan, Twilighla

so ...

so what?

did you destroy my scooter?

yeah, I did

are you okay?

no

I'm not okay.

you ran over my scooter with your ice cream truck, how I supposed to feel?

yeah, I'm having a shitty day too.

I'm supposed to fix this milf's car ....

yeah, yeah, I don't care about your problems.

just need to ride to work.

like I said,I got a lot going right now, you know so

I've got this tax return thing and the this file and it's already may

I gotta do karate, so I've got stuff -okay, fine

we'll just file police report then.

oh, okay, uh, let's cool your jets, lady.

uh, Oliver, can I speak to you for a

second

it is exactly the opportunity that you looking for, okay

it's time to step up to the plate

there's girl out there, she needs your help

you could be her JFK

I know,she nice, she nice

but it's now's the worse time than ever to think about starting family

I mean, look at the middle east

and public schools, and the economy

I can't take her to Tuscan.

what the fuck are you talking about? you don't start a family, you just taking here to work.

you destroy only a motive transportation

it's at least you can do

as a bonus

maybe you could (nava??)have her number

eh

-I can do that -you can do that

so, uh, may

Megan

you?\

I'm Oliver

so do you live around here? -yeah

I live in same apartment complex as your friend.

uhh, that explains the moped being parked there, uh?

it's a scooter.

right

so, what do you do for work?

I'm a Batista at (halls??) coffee

oh, that's sound's awesome

it's not!

and I already missed most of my shifts you could harry up, that would be great.

oh, okay

lock it up, pedal to the metal

stop right there -owie

it get a little a wide, it's a wide turn

what uh, what are you writing in there.

it's nothing

looks a lot of words

it's just something I'm working on

don't think you'd understand

oh, yeah, try me!

it's Veronica Mars and fiction

oh, yeah,yeah, that's a detective show with girl form "forgetting sarah marshall"

what's it about?

well, in this one Veronica teams up with pchers and they uncover murder mystery

and she fell in love with vivle

it's silly, but, I really like it

I can stand behind silly

so I just call you for my scooter? -yeah

funny story about that, maybe

I should just get your number

some kinda of rough situation here I just lost my phone earlier today, so

again, I'm really sorry and I promise to make it up to you

just don't screw me okay?

I'll try not to.

you know what time it is? late

that's what time it is

justice

dude, you better think twice before yell at my friend Megan here

dahh

it's my turn

she's a hard worker

she's early everyday and she stays late every night

she's your f'ing anchor

you need watch it, we've got families here

you know we had the highest sales of the year, last month

are you gonna ignore that are you gonna ignore the quarterly reports?

you know what, if you fire her.

you're gonna have to fire me too.

I'm so sorry, I really thought that was gonna work.

if it's any help, I'm pretty sure I'm getting fired on Monday

how that would be any help?

I don't know how I'm going to pay my rent.

don't know how you're gonna fix my scooter.

scrat...???

yo, many dude?

what can I do for you? -are you here for business?

oh I am not really ice cream vendor

sorry, that's a bit misleading

you sitting outside of ice cream truck.

why don't you guys selling?

yeah

why aren't we selling?

ice cream for sale.

push pop.

yeah, there you go.

right

you know, boo, we're there.

there you go, ms Patrick, you stay at school.

so, how do we do?

thinking about 98 dollars

so, five more days like this and we should be able to repair my scooter

you know you're a pretty good ice cream salesman

do you need an assistant?

I would love an assistant

if this was my real job.

but it's not

um

I supposed to detail a car today.

and it got stolen

and I was like panicking and freaked out, so I stole this truck

I'm pretty sure the person who stole

my car

was the same guy driving this truck does that makes sense?

so you're a screw-up and a thief

yeah, just like a little bit, though

oaky

why don't we team up anyway?

we can sell some ice cream and I'll help you find the car

I mean you don't have to do that I can just drop you at your house

no, honestly, that's the last place I wanna be right now

plus I've seen every episode of Veronica Mars so I'm pretty well prepared

okay

okay

so you said the guy that stole your car, was driving this ice cream truck

yeah, I'm pretty sure

why don't we go to his house and paying a little visit

okay, that's fine and dandy, but, how do you know where he lives

oh this house matches the ice cream truck pretty well

yeah, I think we found the fit

Deven

uh, yes, sorry, we're

looking for devon, have you seen him?

I haven't seen him

he's six dated years

are you blind?

woow

that's my lady, you want come inside?

I have very sexually active imagination

you both come inside

yeah, I don't think we're gonna do that can you just tell us where's devon is, please?

I'm not telling you anything unless, you do something

for me

alright, what do want from us?

oh god, I don't want anything from you boy

just the girl

uh

okay

[whispering] I would so like to squish your titty nipples

no

what? c'mon, what's the issue?

he wants to touch my ...

uh oh

[whispering] just go with ...

okay

yeah, okay

og god, it's perfect

I can't get pect out already

yeah

god

you strong

are you work out? I can feel it.

yeah I'd do the elliptical twice a week

oh wonderful, you're fuzzy.

oh god you're like frigging butlack, beep beep

okay, that's enough

just tell us where devon is please.

guy were always he is, hanging out

skate park, park ....

okay, we're gonna go, thank you.

that guy's pretty friggin' creepy

do you think you should leaving the truck

the heck no, we're having an adventure

besides, he's blind he won't know we have it anyway

oh

sorry, dudes, back in five

okay so what this guy look like?

uh, he's kinda ayoung

he's angry

he used to sell ice cream

maybe something more visual

right

I think I know this one

yo chco chaco nice board slide, my man.

what's up homie? eh

you think you can give a ride somewhere real quick

we pick out (along) some roast beef

no, what is wrong with you?

have you seen that devon kid that driving ice cream truck

oh, baby ___

yeah, he's right over there, dawg

yo, Devon

bring that micro cock over here.

who's this? -my homies wanna talk to you

it's good

did you steal my car?

no, what?

is your dad a blind clown?

he's a face penny alcoholic

and he's two setps away from home, yeah, but

he's definitely not blind

you're lucky I didn't call the cops for stealing my ice cream truck

yeah, why didn't anybody call the cops?

why not somebody call the f'ing the cops?

cus I've seen 'em

yeah, yeah, eveybody leave me alone before I flip the fuck out

alright, calm down there, you little whipper-snapper

you wanna smoke up?

oh, shit homie

that sounds Taco Bell

au naturally, I assumed the (jager??) kid drives ice cream truck

was the same dude stole my car

that's makes sense.

that shit adds up

how is that shit adds up?

well, we got the truck, maybe you guys got some (tea??) intel.

you wanna make a trade?

dude, no deal man.

that f'ing truck ruined every summer vacation I've had since I was 16 years old

honestly, getting it stolen, was the best thing happened to me

I all do now, man sit all day

smoke weed, slay hot chicks

chick to dicks

crying in this bowl, actually

guys, at the crime

did you see anyone who look suspicious?

uh, well there was this one big guy

he was pretty big, like a

like Randy Orton big, that's like a big show

oh, yeah, that fool was huge he had mohawk

yeah, dude, he had braid too,he was bad as hell

-crazy -wait, he had a mohawk and braids

know what was he has on his neck

it's like a tatto or something, it's like a

pyramid or Egypt or some shit

nah, man, it was all seeing eye

yeah, dude, it was all seeing eye -oh

you mean like this? -yeah, just like that

we have a clue.

we have a lead

now what?

let's go see your friend Benson

he seemed like popular type

yo yo, wait wait,let me get one of (puts?) 'em push pop before you leave -alright, c'mon

alright, here we go

there you go.

enjoy and stay at school, okay?

I'm not ready for school yet ot yet?

when do you start?

I don't know

oh, alright

well, I see you later.

hey, Megan

yeah

I just wanna say thank you.

for everything

I mean, if it wasn't for you I

I probably be packing for a one way trip

to the second worst place on earth

where's the second worst place on earth?

Tuscan, Arizona -um

where's the first worst place on earth?

that blind clown house.

well, if you're up to me, you don't get to stay here

we have yet to find the car.

yeah, but

that almost just possible now

thank you for that

we have that now.

you're high

yeah

this is where things get weird

my organization has reason to believe that

the royal family in our presence all

reptilian, alien, overlords. [knocks on the door]

uh, Mark from Texas, I gotta put you on hold again.

but a bit a way we're just getting their plan for world domination

I know, I'm sorry I'm really, really, sorry

c'mon, it's me Oliver

and Megan

Oliver, I told you shouldn't come here anymore

and why are you let it work?

I'm sorry to come in and out lately

I have some really good information

great information, we need you take a look at it

tell me what you think

I don't know what I'm looking at

it's look like a native American Mr. T

[knocks on the door]

you expecting somebody -no

then who be coming this late?

it's your drug dealer?

-weed dealer -weed dealer

and I only do deliveries.

oh, this is bad

what who is it?

NSA, CIA, FBI?

ex-boyfriend.

you have an ex-boyfriend?

yeah

it's long story

and she's kind of loud -yeah

we should have conversation about that

you know what, how about having a conversation in the girls room, okay?

it not better be a cop

yeah, just

what up? chief.

nice place

thanks

what's that smell?

you got a pet skunk or something?

no

what you what?

I'm looking for my girl friend Megan

that's her scooter spread out on the lawn.

about yea big, little blond girl

I mean totally fake blond, but still hot

little squirrely, seen her?

yeah, I've seen her.

did you seen here, today?

yeah saw her today

what the hell is your deal?

hippie.

you're stoned right now.

no, I don't get stoned for my podcast

paranoia gets to me.

you should check it out actually it's machine-treason.com

fuck your podcast, bro

looking for Megan, you've seen her or what?

she was here then she left

okay

where did she go?

she went to work.

I went by her work, she wasn't there

she came back

what's he doing? -he can't lie

so she's here?

a person

may or may not be in this facility.

what the hell are you saying to me right now?

are you fucking with me?

no, no, I'm not, really not.

I'm gonna ask you one last time

where is my girlfriend?

she's inside of overium, it's room full of aquariums

I have turtles and snakes and it's also doubles cannabis grow room

she's in there with unmotivated ??? so that may or may not

be having sex with her, I'm not really sure about that just yet

and there's also two half naked women who I have not sex with

but I've been fooling the tension feeling for the numbers of days

you don't have to be a dickhole, bro

okay

a simple she's not here

would have sufficed.

you know the problem with this country is right now?

I do a whole podcast on that

dickhole stoners

like you

the hippies lost

drink it in, suck it up

and build some credit while you're at it

alright, loser

I'll work on that

yeah, f your mother.

man, screw that bro-bag

no offense

that's okay

he's a real Angelina Bro-lie

broly??? one canoby???

Pabl-ro Picass-bro

bro-fessor x

oh, wait, wait

-Marco -Bro-olo

alright, alright,

I don't mean to be a bad host

but you all need to leave

I'm trying to figure out if our present

is actually an ailein overlord

spent on slaving the entire human race

wait, what about our car thief?

have you seen this guy in your drug travels?

weed travels

and that's look like he was drawn by a forth-grader on high-speed car chase

why don't you trying to go the internet

and like doing your own like actual research

can we use your machine?

no you can't use my machine

I'm in the middle of live-stream podcast

why don't use your own computer in your own house

so, your friend Benson

is kind of jerk

yeah he's a dick

yeah, I wouldn't say that, it's just a little rude

oh, crap

I'm sorry, I really thought that's gonna work

okay here we go

got it, okay

alright, here it is

is this storage?

hah, very funny

if I've known I was having a company I would've made an effort to clean up a little bit

oh, yeah

it's really

aquatic????

thank you.

is that

people

having sex, okay

yeah, that's my roommate, it's right above us

I think they have the computer

I'll be right back

Jeff

buddy

are you in there?

Oliver, get the night off

get the hell out of here

Jeff, Jennifer

just need the computer and I'll be out of your hair

go away Oliver

your computer's broken

[spits]

ekh

c'mon, I just need the computer, slide it under the door

I'll be out of your hair I got important business shit to take care of

I thinks it's bed???

oh dad

oh what the fuck

stay the hell away from me

oh so close

oh, shit

we've got sex water on the bed

pervert

get the hell of me you busted Annie Oakley

or I'll tell dad you have sex with Benson

you wouldn't.

why I wouldn't? you fucking suck

oh my goodness

my..

you scared me.

is everything okay up there, I heard noises oy, everything's fine

what are you, snooping through my stuff for

yes, sorry

I just figured I am in a garage

in the middle of night with guy I never met

and watched all the Saw movies, so

what is that?

ooh

that's my smoking apparatus

it's taking me over 11 years to acquire

it's pretty beautiful, uh?

I wouldn't really know

[blows raspberry]

but

[blows]

are you telling me you're a hip chick?

who writes fan fiction

in a leather bound journal

that used to work at this coffee shop has never smoke pot

I never smoked anything, okay?

I mean, I just didn't

ride with those type of social circles, you know.

uh

what's it like?

[coughs]

I'll give you a crash course

oh, hi there

this is a bud of marijuana

for centuries mankind has worked

to create purest strains with the most

vivid highs

now although there's at least complex

joints probably most iconic smoking method

without getting even burn you gotta break up the bud

and to do that, I'd like to use

a grinder

now, before I was old enough to buy bulnsir???

papers I was using a couple low tech method

apples are the tasty way to smoke

but it could be awkward

as alternative, some kid smoking out of cans

then we have our glassware

the cornerstone in every smokers collection

the possibilities are endless

this includes

bongs

and, uh, ooh

pipes

and, um, uh

bubblers

um, what's a bubbler?

that's very good question.

it's bong pipe hydrator.

very effective

just don't rest it on his side

with most glass pieces you have to work the carburetor

this little hole let's you expire an oxygen

to get just a perfect amount of burn

if you looking to biggest height of weed conservation ratio

the waterfall method worth to gander

perfect suction

then we get our high tech stuff

like a vaporizer

it vaporize the pot so breath pure THC

quick high, no smoke

wow

you know a lot about stuff.

so you think you wanna try some?

uh, it's tempting

but no I'm good

c'mon, don't you do something about wanting to go on an adventure

and try new things

yeah, but

but, this is the opportunity to try something new

c'mon pick a piece

well, the bubbler was kinda cute.

-alright, you ready -um

just breathe in

alright, now hold in

and exhale

[coughs] oh, man

the taste's weird

you're feeling it yet?

I heard it doesn't work the first time

oh, you're wrong girl

we want you at biggerday

you can get out ever

stuck here for life

it's true

gotta go with that

did you see that?

this was a unique experience for Veronica

an agent of danger

a mistress of mayhem

she's a bad bitch

can't mess with her

what if? need blue pen

is you blue eyes

oh yeah

it is so amazing

you thought to be professional, like a

professional guitar player

had she ever been in love

it's female a fanciable fiction

has she?

we don't know?

oh wait

I got something

you're gonna flip the shit over

wait

wait, wait, wait,

we've forgotten about our internet research

strawberry

amazing

it's funny how it takes only one event for the world to change

Pearl Harbor, the San Francisco earthquake

and canceling bob sponge square pants

it's only altered the course of human history

this may sound disastrous

but as we saw all with Oliver and Megan

the greatest adversities

can lead to new opportunities

good morning

oh, moring

you sleep like a bear

I don't mean a hibernating one

you make all sorta growly noises

what happened last night

we climbed the Himalaya's, made out

watched "Donald Duck mathland"

you drew this picture of us

you did must of work but I did sharpie on the boobies

so what? John G

raped and murdered my

wife on my chest

that was me, I did really like the movie "memento"

but, it was really hard to write backwards

so I just went for the standard variation

okay, where are my cloths and why does it smell weird in here?

oh, yeah

you decided to take all cloths off

and rub icey huddle??? of your body

you're passed out truly there after

oh my god

did we had sex?

no

wait

was that an option?

remind me to never smoke weed ever again

noted

but, check this out

I went on inter-webs and type all seeing eye tattoo

aux nard into google and I found this chick

apparently she just tattooed some dude

with same skin art chaco taco and baby dee

and I were talking about

is there any contact info?

yeah let's me, uh

uh fuck

Jeff, what the hell? my eyes haven't even adjusted to the light yet

gotta talk to you about last night

we didn't not handle that situation in appropriate fashion

I know, it was in a ___

who's that?

I'm Megan

it's Megan

what's aap?

well, I didn't know you have lady over here

okay

that's cool

did you guys, um

make the nuts last night

no, Jeff we just met

well, sometimes that's the way it works out

Jeff

yeah

what the shit?

let's go, and why those Mexicans parked f'ing ice cream truck out there

honey, please they're native Americans

whatever, you

she is really pissed that

you screwed up our special evening last night

and by her mean pissed at you

you realize her being pissed at me, right?

look, you got stuff to do with the devil I got stuff to do with the car

let's just talk later, okay?

alright

Meegan

if you want sometime

my girlfriend much the same age as you

so, maybe we could all get together

kick it

okay

time to kinda non-comitall??? whatever

allright

are you kidding me you can't wait?

I don't wait for no man bitch.

I've been eating doughnuts

since I was a child

I'm still in front of your house right now

and it's 8:30 and you're not here

alright

reftis

a serve

yo

thanks

you okay?

yeah, I'm good

it's about last night, isn't it?

no

this is about my ex-boyfriend

he keeps calling

apparently last night he camped outside my apartment

that dude's super intense

yeah

so funny, I

have all these fiends that are getting marred and having babies

but I was with Billy for 7 years

never thought I would settle down with him

should have broken up with him a log time ago

this whole thing pretty much my fault

hey

screw that guy, I mean at least you broke it off before it was to late

can you imagine making that decision after you had a mini-Megan

like my parents

you know what? Oliver

you're not merely as much good as you pretend to be

thanks

doughnut?

oh that's my favorite

ooh, alright you can have it. that's fine

I bet Oliver call a hooker after

he saw us working last night

no, I don't think so

she didn't look like a pro to me

what, are you kidding? did you see that tattoo on her chest

oh was that __her?

or, just she woke up.

and Oliver said he didn't sleep with her

um, ofcource he didn't, that kid's a pussy

you know

I don't appreciate you saying that

I mean he's good kid, he's just a little lost right now

you know what? you're right.

I think we just we had to as we agreed you know

help Oliver gets on his feet

and Tuscan is the bright place to spread his wings

and once he's moved out

you and I can have the house to ourselves

and I take my modeling courage for the next level

can you squirt on my stomach baby?

oh, Jeff what the fuck?

it's always so much

oh I think that Dorian??? doughnut me me sick

you want this?

definitely

so box?? says he wok in tattoo shop on Thomson

so she works right there?

bingo

and what was her name?

Crystal

yo, what up, plam???

we're looking for Crystal, she in today?

got an appointment?

uh, no we don't an appointment per se

we're hoping for a consultation type

okay

yeah, we wanted to talk about her clientele

what the fuck are you talking about man? ain't you ever heard of client-artist confidentiality?

I'm sorry can I use your restroom?

restrooms are for the paying customers only

yeah, I'm not ready to settle on a tattoo just yet

can I use it anyway

ooh, you all been working on my last __ nerves

Crystal, hey

they wanna talk about you on just some shit.

E-Smoke, babe, I'm in the middle of piercing right now, can it wait?

if you won't rainbow bright here to throw it up all in lobby, hell yeah

yes it can

fine

send her back

so, E-Smoke

is that your christen name?

it's because I smoke electronic smoke, bitch

ooh, that's smooth

occupied

I'm sorry, I don't wanna be rude, but could I please get in there

hell no, I'm pitching a load???, get out here.

it's kind of an emergency

oh, this is an emergency

[farts]

so, did Crystal do that tattoo on your neck?

the all seeing eye

why are you asking so many questions?

bet you a cop

[blows raspberry]

fuck the police,would a cop be carrying this guy?

bag of stems

mind's blert?

I used to smoke this shit in 90s, thanks

oh, what the fuck?

goddamn, your girl hit the boming??? shit

out

that was a shit sprinkles

damn it

I've got you now, E-Smoke

oh

ieks??? like my home

they want our gold they want turn us to slave race

random genetic expriments on us, they made us intelligent Benson

don't you see it?

okay, I try real hard to see truth here, Mark

uh, question, what good is gold to a bunch of half breed alien millionaires?

c'mon Benson, they need it to repair the atmosphere of their dying planet

it's been great having you this whole weekend you've really shed some light on the topic

they have base in Denver airport Benson, we must spread the word

thus the podcast, I'll do encourage all of my listeners

to do their own research to further educate themselves on the subject

thanks again to tuning in to

machine treason, protecting mankind from the Man

their eyes given away don't trust their eyes, it's ocular deception

Jesus, enough from Fort Worth

how you doing lady?

[knoking on the door]

yo, B, you got that door pretty quick.

did you miss us?

oh you caught me

I didn't miss you,

I was

anxious for your arrival

what is that smell?

I had an accident

can I barrow something to wear?

don't you live next door?

yeah but I runng the risk of my boyfriend billy

probably camp out in my front door

ex boyfriend, Billy -he's my ex-boyfriend

come in

alright what's the latest development?

wow, Benson, since when you're exited to hear about our antics

oh please, don't be so dramatic, just

give me the news

alright, let me ask you one question first

oaky

are you really out of that platinum blue dream or were you holding out on me? cus I smell it in here

umm

Doyla, can you bring last of that really good shit?

Benson, my friend, you lied to me

I did not lie to you, I got really high on this and

forgot where I left it

this stuff is potent|poat

do you have any of idea of street value of this?

no, how much it worth?

now's you asking it??? actually don't know how to price it

okay enough drug talk

wow, wow

weed

we know the name of the guy who stole the car

who is it?

-E-Smoke -E-Smoke

fucking E-Smoke stole your car

and you know who that is?

yeah, I'll deliver to him all the times let me tell you something

that guys play Duty like daddy

mad skills

what's Duty?

cod

he plays the fish?

call of duty

so we know where he lives

yeah, of course

[barfing]

strawberry cream sekum???

can I barrow something else?

I have just a thing

so

I was think that we start with disaster of garage

maybe lay out some yoga mat

put some pins on the walls, maybe a few mirrors

make it like a little work out room

sure

do you remember my firend, Mary

well, she makes these wine racks

and I think there would be a super cute on a wine cellar

wait, which one is that?

the cute little breadhead form yoga with herpes

no, witch room is the wine cellar

wow, I was thinking that we could covert your office into a wine cellar

make it like cool dark cave, with moodlights

I just think it's completely sad and dull as it is

reminds me of work

what do you say we jump into the pool

I'm laying out

you can't take break from chair for a second and jump in the pool?

I can't get my hair wet

what are you? a chinchilla?

c'mon you take a shower everyday, what is it, your head dodge the shower water, c'mon

you know you're being huge dick, this is my money maker

makes the money

I just don't understand why we're hanging out together

we can't enjoy ourself and jump in the pool?

ukh, you're grossing me out you sound like my dad right now

I'm gonna go to the Sauna

what the fuck jack?

cannonball

I can't believe you

what I'm just trying having some fun Jennifer, c'mon

fuck you Jeff, that's not what I signed up for

fucking loser

and you deserve your lazy ass son

I'm out of here

why don't you go dry off your money maker?

are you sure Benson gave us the right address?

you know that man never fibbed the facts

you wanna a hit of this?

it's platinum blue dream, puts you in the different plant-field

no

I don't think I should be fighting crime under influence

wait, wait, what are you doing?

guns balzing, shoud we go with the plan

you know what, you can hang back there's nothing wrong with playing it safe

okay, um

I'm coming

Oliver, I don't feel good about this

it's time, expecting unexpected, we have to catch him off guard

you shouldn't knock on front door, it's pretty standard

good point, maybe sticking around back trying find an open window

it's not what I meant, I mean we're trespassing now

and we talking in nonsense

oh, lemon

[guns]

no

hey

what the fuck doing in my backyard

I got my baby sleeping there and shit

please don't hurt her -man, shut the fuck up

why do you think I'm whispering?

you're rolling in my spot

in nap time all scream and shit

what the fuck is wrong with you?

now give me your wallet

get the f'ing ID then

why are you following me?

cus you stole my car

man that car gone man

goddammit, you ain't getting it back

so I suggest, Oliver

you get the fuck out here, alright

and if I've seen you following me or driving down my street

I'm not gonna let you both live

get the fuck out of here

stop fucking with my fruit trees

[baby cries] oh shit

slow down, slow down

c'mon, stop

I'm gonna puke

Megan, you strong hound???

we're on the ocean already

it's okay, calm down

are you kidding? -what?

that guy put a gun to my head Oliver

he took my stuff, he has my notebook

yeah, I know, it's just stuff okay, what?

the gun wasn't loaded

you're ridiculous

you put people in danger and you don't take responsibility for your actions

and the worst part about it is

you don't even noticed cus you always so stoned

oh. c'mon, I hardly ever get stoned

I have such high tolerance I probably smoke like a pound to be fully functional

let me ask you a question Oliver

have you ever done anything that you haven't fucked up

hey

don't start criticize me alright

I was doing just fine until you're like

let's go on an adventure

I'm getting toshoes it's only ever take one

dick

I wanted a care-free let's-sell-ice-cream kind of an adventure

not put-a-gun-to-my-head kind of an adventure

grow up

c'mon, Megan, you're just gonna walk away

oh god

what do you looking at me for?

I don't know what's comes next

they didn't even get me updated pages

looks like Oliver on his own now

hey double bum, did you see an ice cream truck?

well, I saw aclown

who got up into ice cream truck and fled

at a fantastic rate

hey, you're the dream chasing fellow

how's that going for you?

not as planed

yeah, man I'm sorry to hear that

you wanna have a seat?

talk about it

you know

I understand about things not going as planed

I personaly was gonna be a

astronaut

but my pappy

a real spaceman flying around the galaxy and shit

witch is not what I've been doing lately

yeah

I supposed to be riding off into sunset with a hot babe on fresh scooter

I gotta tell my dad I've fucked up

and I am off to Tuscan Arizona

hey man

Tuscan's great

I think you're gonna do great in Tuscan I personally

had a lot of success in Tuscan

if you had so mush success in that shithole desert what are you doing here

collecting cans?

I'm sorry, did I said success? I meant

butt sex

success, butt sex, success, butt sex

I had a lot of butt sex

in Tuscan

irregardless of that matter

do you have any weed?

yeah, actually I do

oh, wait, hold on

who's that?

simmering

honey pot of a woman

did you

tap that ass -no

it was an option last night

look man

I generally try not to dispense advise on the couch

it's sort of breach-er protocol

but I think I can help you so, making an exception

here's some advice

one, find out what that woman wants

two, give it to her

now if you excuse me

it's time for me to blast off

I thought maybe you (spring|bring) for the good stuff

can you stay, dooo__

oh yeah

that my friend is some

good shit

we used to smoke like this back in 80s

my apology is come a long my friend

I don't think you had anything this good back then

hey

I'm really sorry for calling you a loser yesterday

you got your shit together

you're affluent businessman, you're the pillar of the community

I'm pretty sure

you know what? I'm sorry

what for?

I confined your son

I called you a dick

dick?

I also called your girlfriend racist

plus I totally ripped you off on this weed

but I promise

it will never happen again

wow

honesty

that's refreshing

speaking of your girlfriend I totally slept with her senior year

ouch bro

that one hurt

maybe that was a little to on us

what are you ...

we had the whole thing -yeah, but not then

dad, what the hell are you doing smoking with my drug dealer

weed dealer

yo Oliver, what's bro

I'm so glad to see you

what the fuck?

he wanted to smoke, like he's

really baked

dude, sit down, let's have little powwow

no thanks I quit

does Jennifer know you're smoking?

Jennifer does know shit dude, cus I kick her ass to the

curb

just us now, just us

we are the dangerous dude on the block dawg

woof

I'm not gonna do that

yeah, okay, Benson

can I have my dad alone for a minute?

what is your problem? I thought

I thought you liked this dude

no I don't like this, I need you to be a dad, not a bro

but I am with the dangerously cool guys

I'm 26 years old, I'm an adult

you're an adult

it's time for starting acting like it

a wise man once told me never let an opportunity pass you off

cus they'll eventually disappear

look

I got something I gotta get off my chest

it's about the car -no, you already said enough, my child

my boy

my son

my blood's pumping through your motherfucking veins, bro

I'm sorry I called you a pussy, to your face, behind your back, all of it

and I like that

sometimes man, you gotta bite

you gotta bark like you're gonna bite or you

just bite on it

just stop while you're ahead

you stating to sound like a no fear t-shirt

look you're a good dad

I wanna spend time with you but

you need to sober up and

I got some stuff I gotta take care of

I got something I gotta take care of too

like these fashion man, I don't know what I'm doing

I need your help to bite smokie wrong

I do deliver weed man

non of __ to piss off my clients

you can wear mask, you can be my hero

you could be my JFK

do you have a plan?

we follow E-smoke where he's got the car beat him up and take it back

there's no reason to over-complicate things we keep this one simple

so __ double team E-smoke

no, quadruple team E-smoke

quadruple team

who else is there?

ask not

what __ country __means to you

and what can you do for your country

you know what you say we have _____???

___fear itself???

a date witch you___ wanna live____

in infamy

a __caln smoke for man

but _______________

there he is

now, __, this is it, dagger and bloodline you split to the left

Benson you're with me

Oliver, why don't we have ___ and they do?

to time

yo leatherhead???

I'm here for my car

my notebook

and my MF'ing apology

__, how many times I have told you to lock that gate?

I did lock it, it must've slipped over

shut the fuck up

you better get the fuck out here before my boys kick your ass

coocoo

you had number, playe'

with this masked man and these two broke ass looking Mexican

oh, my god I don't get it, they're fucking indian, why everbody thinks they ....

could you shut the fuck up he's gonna recognize your voice

if you bring it probably yeah

Benson?

you're such a dick

everybody shut the fuck up

relax

nothing loaded, I know he's tried it before

oh, shit

shit man

__ stupid motherfucker

oh, fuck

fuck him up

now get the fuck out here man

I did told you that car is gone

fuck you dickhole

alright

now for the last time

stay the fuck away from me

stupid ass

c'mon goddamn

Oliver

[whimpering]

let's get up

how you're doing

get up Benson

E-smoke

we're not done here

__ okay not__ fucker shot me

yeah, well at least it was just a graze

oh, fuck you just a graze

people in civil war died from less thank you very much

for minute think it was good idea to take down action criminals

I don't know

it was my first sober thought in 12 years

sorry I got you tagged man -yeah

Meg is right

I do put people in danger

that's alright

I'll live

maybe this, I should stop being drug dealer

kinda actually do with my life

put me in the history books -oh yeah

yeah -like what?

actually wanna documentary about that

whole reptile subhuman theory

I think you can link it to 9/11

it's a baby ___(bathe in) pigs

that make sense

that shit adds up, right?

Oliver

this is where we say farewell my friend

you're gonna be okay?

just a graze, right

yeah, now Twiligha and Susie are inside Susie was the med school drop out so I'll just be fine

no that's not for that -no

alright, just go to her, get out of here

Twilighla

Oliver, what happened to your face?

-I went after E-smoke -you went after E-smoke

but he has a gun

he had something that I need it

there's really important

my notebook

Oliver

this is the guy you've been ignore my text messages over?

billy, it's over, leave me alone

you''re just confused right now, Megs

okay

you need to come to your senses

what? is this guy got you drugged up or something?

drugged up? what? no, Oliver's my boy

is your what?

let me tell you something right now, okay

this guy is no fucking good

alright, he's a lazy

wasted of space, mouth breathing, piece of shit, stoned

holy shit

nice punch

I could've used you back at junkyard

fuck Nostradamus

I like that action

honestly, I think you went home and rush into arms of B-Romeo over there

oh no, i spent 45 minutes crying in the public bathroom

and then I smoke through airspace__ bong

and it made me realize something Oliver

I like you

you're high

you have __ on your face -yeah

breakfast?

yeah

doughnuts?

-no -right, right

I know what you're thinking

Oliver never get that darn Mercury back

he get something else though

more valuable than classic muscle car

he got the chance to size an opportunity

going on an adventure

and find himself

well

that's it

that's the end of story of Oliver

loved

now excuse me

have to test out my new wheels

hey yo lo homie

you think you can give me a ride to KFC

man I'm trying to pickup some bonus nuggets

damn

hey homie

you wanna go burn a ball