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1
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That's the... C-Come here.
That's the Baron.
2
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- Come on, Barry.
- Come on.
3
00:00:08,728 --> 00:00:10,538
We are so high.
4
00:00:10,600 --> 00:00:11,968
We're on drugblood.
5
00:00:12,080 --> 00:00:14,459
Put the hat on. Oh, yeah...
6
00:00:14,484 --> 00:00:17,156
- Oh! Ugh, no.
- Shit.
7
00:00:17,203 --> 00:00:19,703
- I broke his half off.
- His bodies' half off.
8
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No, no, no, he's just
coming through the floor.
9
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Guillermo?
10
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Help us! Don't just stand there.
11
00:00:25,416 --> 00:00:27,125
I don't think that's Guillermo.
12
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- Guillermo?
- No.
13
00:00:28,972 --> 00:00:31,675
N-No, Nandor, that's the StairMaster.
14
00:00:31,700 --> 00:00:33,601
The master of the stairs.
15
00:00:33,626 --> 00:00:35,695
- We fucked up. This is bad.
- Where's Guiller...
16
00:00:35,853 --> 00:00:37,689
Guillermo!
17
00:00:37,831 --> 00:00:40,742
Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God.
Oh, my God...
18
00:01:09,836 --> 00:01:14,804
- Synced and corrected by martythecrazy -
- www.addic7ed.com -
19
00:01:17,750 --> 00:01:21,023
We are gathered here
tonight in our backyard
20
00:01:21,082 --> 00:01:24,781
to commemorate the second
death of the Baron.
21
00:01:25,205 --> 00:01:26,664
We are having a ceremony
22
00:01:26,689 --> 00:01:28,491
to commemorate the Baron's passing.
23
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Problem is, though,
24
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we don't remember how he died,
25
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because we were absolutely
26
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messed up on drugblood.
27
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And as a sign of respect,
we have decided to bury you
28
00:01:38,282 --> 00:01:40,828
betwixt my two favorite vaginas:
29
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that of my wife and my mother.
30
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Baron, such a wonderful, filthy times
31
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we did have.
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What a way
33
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to live your life after death,
34
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and what a way to die.
35
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Did we murder him?
36
00:01:59,808 --> 00:02:01,994
We, um, we might have floated the idea
37
00:02:02,019 --> 00:02:04,421
of murdering him, but we didn't do it.
38
00:02:04,446 --> 00:02:05,647
Did we?
39
00:02:05,672 --> 00:02:07,929
Oh, I think something awful happened.
40
00:02:10,665 --> 00:02:12,533
Fuck.
41
00:02:12,722 --> 00:02:14,824
Maybe we should keep
this under our hats.
42
00:02:14,849 --> 00:02:16,784
If any vampires find out about this,
43
00:02:16,809 --> 00:02:18,437
then it...
44
00:02:25,697 --> 00:02:27,499
Give the Baron his last sip.
45
00:02:27,524 --> 00:02:30,148
Of course.
46
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So just get him in.
47
00:02:34,228 --> 00:02:35,945
- Yep.
- Goodbye, Baron.
48
00:02:37,009 --> 00:02:38,779
Master, there's a raven looking at us.
49
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It is a bad omen. It means that
50
00:02:42,634 --> 00:02:44,375
bad luck is approaching.
51
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Hey, gang.
52
00:02:45,649 --> 00:02:47,062
What's up? Oh!
53
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Oh, my God.
54
00:02:48,686 --> 00:02:50,359
Did-did you guys kill him?
55
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No! No one murdered him.
56
00:02:51,259 --> 00:02:52,510
- No! What... He was just...
- We found him in there.
57
00:02:52,535 --> 00:02:53,734
I'm just giving you guff.
58
00:02:53,759 --> 00:02:56,741
And, uh, just so you know, I am
feeding on you guys right now.
59
00:02:56,766 --> 00:02:58,609
You can be such a prick, Colin.
60
00:02:58,634 --> 00:03:00,288
I have heard that.
61
00:03:00,313 --> 00:03:02,816
Shit. The Baron's familiar.
62
00:03:04,783 --> 00:03:07,099
There's more ravens. They're
giving me the shits.
63
00:03:07,124 --> 00:03:09,366
Guillermo, shield us from the ravens.
64
00:03:09,391 --> 00:03:11,225
The sky is filled with them.
65
00:03:11,250 --> 00:03:12,805
- No, let's just go inside.
- Let's go inside.
66
00:03:12,830 --> 00:03:15,429
Fill the hole. Keep filling.
67
00:03:15,454 --> 00:03:16,468
But the ravens...
68
00:03:16,493 --> 00:03:17,569
They're everywhere!
69
00:03:19,917 --> 00:03:22,509
There are ravens all over
the front lawn now, too.
70
00:03:22,534 --> 00:03:24,874
They're trying to frighten us.
But it won't work.
71
00:03:25,446 --> 00:03:26,913
- Aah!
- What is going on?
72
00:03:26,938 --> 00:03:27,742
Master.
73
00:03:27,767 --> 00:03:28,804
- Aah!
- Ay yai yai.
74
00:03:28,829 --> 00:03:30,226
There's a floating woman
on the front porch.
75
00:03:30,251 --> 00:03:32,429
She needs to talk to you.
76
00:03:36,989 --> 00:03:39,371
You have been summoned...
77
00:03:40,904 --> 00:03:44,140
to appear before the Vampiric Council
78
00:03:44,165 --> 00:03:47,317
at the Temple of Blood-Devourers.
79
00:03:48,217 --> 00:03:50,139
Could you not have just telephoned?
80
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We sent ravens.
81
00:03:52,457 --> 00:03:55,176
We sent 500 ravens!
82
00:03:55,201 --> 00:03:57,280
Yes, but we have a telephone.
83
00:03:57,305 --> 00:04:00,442
I'm shocked and appalled that
you didn't raven us back.
84
00:04:00,467 --> 00:04:02,268
We didn't know how.
85
00:04:02,293 --> 00:04:04,325
You just say, "Raven, we will be there.
86
00:04:04,350 --> 00:04:06,785
Thank you. Fly."
87
00:04:08,002 --> 00:04:09,754
You've been invited.
88
00:04:16,227 --> 00:04:18,239
Couldn't you just have telephoned?
89
00:04:21,489 --> 00:04:25,293
The Vampiric Council is a
very ancient organization.
90
00:04:25,318 --> 00:04:28,214
Very powerful. And, apparently,
91
00:04:28,239 --> 00:04:29,809
very scary.
92
00:04:30,606 --> 00:04:33,348
They travel from all
corners of the globe
93
00:04:33,373 --> 00:04:36,167
to administer supreme and final justice
94
00:04:36,192 --> 00:04:37,621
upon any vampire
95
00:04:37,646 --> 00:04:39,748
who's violated the Vampiric Code.
96
00:04:39,773 --> 00:04:42,549
Laszlo was very nearly
summoned when he turned a baby
97
00:04:42,574 --> 00:04:44,989
into a vampire, which is a big no-no.
98
00:04:45,014 --> 00:04:46,684
It's true. You're not
supposed to do that.
99
00:04:46,709 --> 00:04:49,278
But, to be honest, I was bored.
100
00:04:49,612 --> 00:04:52,053
I gave it to an
acquaintance in the Bronx,
101
00:04:52,078 --> 00:04:53,176
where, I believe,
102
00:04:53,201 --> 00:04:54,836
it remains to this day.
103
00:04:54,861 --> 00:04:57,254
That baby would be about
90 years old now.
104
00:04:57,279 --> 00:04:58,536
You really fucked up there.
105
00:04:58,561 --> 00:05:00,095
I certainly did.
106
00:05:00,389 --> 00:05:01,727
Maybe we should visit it.
107
00:05:01,752 --> 00:05:03,486
I'd rather not.
108
00:05:04,856 --> 00:05:06,143
Here it is.
109
00:05:06,168 --> 00:05:08,871
Okay, so, obviously, we are all on edge.
110
00:05:08,896 --> 00:05:10,465
This could be about anything,
111
00:05:10,490 --> 00:05:13,161
so we must say nothing
about you-know-what.
112
00:05:13,186 --> 00:05:14,301
Obviously.
113
00:05:14,326 --> 00:05:16,807
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa...
114
00:05:16,832 --> 00:05:18,834
It is that woman.
115
00:05:20,798 --> 00:05:22,967
I think she wants us to come inside.
116
00:05:22,992 --> 00:05:24,627
Hello again.
117
00:05:26,108 --> 00:05:27,926
Follow me.
118
00:05:28,175 --> 00:05:30,111
So glad you could make it.
119
00:05:36,136 --> 00:05:37,942
Oh.
120
00:05:39,131 --> 00:05:40,840
Enter.
121
00:05:40,865 --> 00:05:42,996
How did she do that?
122
00:05:46,380 --> 00:05:48,895
Oh.
123
00:05:50,114 --> 00:05:51,566
And we're here.
124
00:05:51,591 --> 00:05:53,626
And follow me.
125
00:05:53,971 --> 00:05:55,707
How does she do that?
126
00:05:57,147 --> 00:06:00,184
The Tribunal have gathered
in the Chamber of Judgment,
127
00:06:00,209 --> 00:06:02,207
and there you'll be put on trial.
128
00:06:02,232 --> 00:06:04,442
Why does this hallway never end?
129
00:06:04,467 --> 00:06:07,470
Well, it's just a freaky-long hallway.
130
00:06:15,533 --> 00:06:17,602
I thought the Council
was bigger than that.
131
00:06:17,627 --> 00:06:19,817
- Maybe we can battle them.
- Shh!
132
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Enter.
133
00:06:21,045 --> 00:06:22,559
Not the human.
134
00:06:22,584 --> 00:06:25,067
Vampire-only trial, Guillermo.
135
00:06:27,445 --> 00:06:29,313
What will happen to me?
136
00:06:29,338 --> 00:06:32,442
Oh, you'll see.
137
00:06:34,403 --> 00:06:35,989
Sorry, I have a...
138
00:06:36,014 --> 00:06:37,917
little blood bubble in my throat.
139
00:06:39,077 --> 00:06:40,832
You'll see...
140
00:06:40,857 --> 00:06:42,491
a room at the end of the hallway
141
00:06:42,516 --> 00:06:44,351
for the familiars.
142
00:06:44,376 --> 00:06:47,446
Ludwig will take you to
the familiar lounge.
143
00:06:47,471 --> 00:06:49,743
Ludwig. Ludwig.
144
00:06:49,768 --> 00:06:51,012
Ludwig!
145
00:06:51,037 --> 00:06:52,539
I'll just do it. Follow me.
146
00:06:52,564 --> 00:06:53,865
Watch your step.
147
00:06:53,890 --> 00:06:56,059
I don't have to, I glide.
148
00:06:57,912 --> 00:07:00,754
Good evening, Your Excellencies.
149
00:07:00,779 --> 00:07:03,723
This is Vasillika the Defiler.
150
00:07:03,748 --> 00:07:05,183
Hello.
151
00:07:05,208 --> 00:07:07,177
And I am...
152
00:07:08,328 --> 00:07:09,731
Garrett.
153
00:07:09,756 --> 00:07:10,942
Garrett the...
154
00:07:10,967 --> 00:07:12,356
The vampire.
155
00:07:12,381 --> 00:07:13,382
Simple. Nice.
156
00:07:13,407 --> 00:07:15,137
Hi, Garrett the vampire.
157
00:07:15,162 --> 00:07:18,051
Now, what happened with the Baron?
158
00:07:18,076 --> 00:07:19,911
- He's dead.
- Oh...
159
00:07:19,936 --> 00:07:22,948
- Sorry, everyone.
- It w... We didn't make him dead.
160
00:07:22,973 --> 00:07:25,051
No, it's true. It was
a misunderstanding.
161
00:07:25,076 --> 00:07:28,075
Um, as a joke, we said,
"Why not kill the Baron?"
162
00:07:28,100 --> 00:07:29,834
And if you were there at the time,
163
00:07:29,859 --> 00:07:31,067
you, too, would have laughed. Yes.
164
00:07:31,092 --> 00:07:33,496
Now we realize that it was
probably a stupid thing to say,
165
00:07:33,528 --> 00:07:35,630
and we are truly sorry,
166
00:07:35,655 --> 00:07:37,356
and we're taking this very seriously.
167
00:07:37,381 --> 00:07:38,965
And these are our serious faces.
168
00:07:38,990 --> 00:07:42,543
Serious, serious, serious.
169
00:07:42,785 --> 00:07:44,411
Follow.
170
00:07:46,940 --> 00:07:48,273
What are you doing?
171
00:07:48,298 --> 00:07:50,652
I'm warming my face.
It's so cold in here.
172
00:07:50,677 --> 00:07:52,511
Well, it's an LED light.
173
00:07:52,536 --> 00:07:53,458
Oh.
174
00:07:53,483 --> 00:07:55,377
There's no way we could have fire.
175
00:07:55,402 --> 00:07:58,301
The fire marshals would have a fit.
176
00:08:01,514 --> 00:08:03,083
I have to say
177
00:08:03,108 --> 00:08:05,364
we are deeply moved
178
00:08:05,389 --> 00:08:07,301
by your story, and-and
maybe it's just me,
179
00:08:07,326 --> 00:08:08,848
but I don't think you're guilty at all.
180
00:08:08,873 --> 00:08:09,871
- Vasillika?
- Mm, no,
181
00:08:09,896 --> 00:08:11,476
I don't think you sound guilty.
182
00:08:11,501 --> 00:08:14,770
I-I think... they might let you go.
183
00:08:14,795 --> 00:08:17,048
Sorry, what do you mean by "they"?
184
00:08:17,073 --> 00:08:19,356
The Vampiric Council.
185
00:08:19,381 --> 00:08:21,332
You're not the Vampiric Council?
186
00:08:21,356 --> 00:08:23,051
Oh.
187
00:08:23,076 --> 00:08:25,442
No. No, we're...
188
00:08:25,467 --> 00:08:26,635
- we're prisoners here.
- No, we have
189
00:08:26,660 --> 00:08:28,695
- been imprisoned in this boring room
- Oh...
190
00:08:28,720 --> 00:08:30,887
for... 1,000 years?
191
00:08:30,912 --> 00:08:34,129
- Oh, it's really awful.
- Since 1932.
192
00:08:34,154 --> 00:08:35,756
Mm.
193
00:08:36,163 --> 00:08:38,262
That's not 1,000 years.
194
00:08:38,720 --> 00:08:40,629
What-what year is it?
195
00:08:40,654 --> 00:08:42,989
It's 2019.
196
00:08:44,295 --> 00:08:46,059
We have been here for 90 years.
197
00:08:46,084 --> 00:08:47,309
- Oh, shit.
- What did you do?
198
00:08:47,334 --> 00:08:50,145
Oh, me? Too much defiling.
199
00:08:50,170 --> 00:08:52,161
They say I turned a baby into a vampire
200
00:08:52,186 --> 00:08:53,988
and left it in the Bronx.
201
00:08:54,013 --> 00:08:57,239
Who would do such a thing? If
I ever find out who did it,
202
00:08:57,264 --> 00:09:01,265
I will take a dagger and
stab them 5,000 times
203
00:09:01,290 --> 00:09:04,760
with this hand, switch
hands, and stab them
204
00:09:04,793 --> 00:09:06,379
another 5,000 times!
205
00:09:06,404 --> 00:09:08,864
I can fill up this book
206
00:09:08,889 --> 00:09:12,973
with the ways I would
torture that vampire.
207
00:09:14,542 --> 00:09:16,078
Wouldn't want to be him.
208
00:09:16,103 --> 00:09:19,551
- That poor baby.
- Poor, poor baby.
209
00:09:20,590 --> 00:09:24,270
The Vampiric Council will see you now.
210
00:09:24,841 --> 00:09:27,878
- Doesn't have to be right now.
- I mean, right now...
211
00:09:27,903 --> 00:09:30,239
Right now. I... They had a
break, but they're ready now.
212
00:09:30,264 --> 00:09:31,387
They...
213
00:09:43,033 --> 00:09:46,314
Hey. Are you a familiar, too?
214
00:09:46,435 --> 00:09:48,142
Yes.
215
00:09:48,298 --> 00:09:50,066
Welcome.
216
00:10:02,225 --> 00:10:05,536
This is the chamber where
you will be tried.
217
00:10:05,561 --> 00:10:07,697
You could hang...
218
00:10:07,722 --> 00:10:08,552
Hang?
219
00:10:08,577 --> 00:10:11,505
Here, until the trial starts.
220
00:10:11,530 --> 00:10:12,645
- I think we're ready.
- No...
221
00:10:12,670 --> 00:10:14,644
- We are not ready.
- Yes. We are ready.
222
00:10:14,669 --> 00:10:15,980
- No, we're not...
- What? What's going...
223
00:10:16,005 --> 00:10:18,833
The spectacle of judgment begins.
224
00:10:21,155 --> 00:10:23,684
What the hell is this?
225
00:10:38,354 --> 00:10:40,490
That's very elaborate.
226
00:10:40,515 --> 00:10:42,321
Since this may be your last night
227
00:10:42,346 --> 00:10:44,204
of existence, the Vampiric Council
228
00:10:44,229 --> 00:10:47,120
likes to do something
a little bit special.
229
00:10:47,488 --> 00:10:49,791
They rehearsed it for decades.
230
00:10:58,409 --> 00:11:00,291
This is very odd.
231
00:11:21,428 --> 00:11:24,846
What the blazes is this?
232
00:11:26,202 --> 00:11:28,526
Dark greetings of the night
233
00:11:28,680 --> 00:11:30,648
to all the members
234
00:11:30,673 --> 00:11:33,977
of the Vampiric Council,
from all the continents,
235
00:11:34,010 --> 00:11:37,120
gathered here together on...
236
00:11:37,391 --> 00:11:39,667
- Staten Island.
- On St...
237
00:11:39,692 --> 00:11:41,916
O-On Staten Island.
238
00:11:41,941 --> 00:11:45,745
Welcome, vampires from near and far,
239
00:11:45,770 --> 00:11:49,487
to this here grand Vampiric Council,
240
00:11:49,512 --> 00:11:53,151
to judge over these three accused.
241
00:11:53,176 --> 00:11:55,901
Accused of what, you may ask.
242
00:11:55,926 --> 00:11:57,586
- Murder...
- Vampire murder.
243
00:11:57,611 --> 00:11:59,613
- Vampire murder.
- Sor... vampire murder.
244
00:12:02,916 --> 00:12:04,784
So that's why we're here.
245
00:12:04,809 --> 00:12:07,275
I'll now introduce the
leaders of the council,
246
00:12:07,300 --> 00:12:10,065
starting here with Tilda.
247
00:12:10,368 --> 00:12:11,970
Pretty much our leader.
248
00:12:11,995 --> 00:12:12,972
She's the one who makes - Hello.
249
00:12:12,997 --> 00:12:14,948
All the big decisions.
250
00:12:15,748 --> 00:12:17,316
Welcome, Tilda.
251
00:12:17,341 --> 00:12:21,278
I am Viago Von Dorna Schmarten
252
00:12:21,303 --> 00:12:23,672
Scheden Heimburg.
253
00:12:23,697 --> 00:12:25,649
This is Deacon Brucke.
254
00:12:25,674 --> 00:12:28,206
- Hello.
- Vladislav the Poker.
255
00:12:28,231 --> 00:12:29,791
We also have
256
00:12:29,816 --> 00:12:31,696
Evan, the Immortal
257
00:12:31,721 --> 00:12:33,721
Princess of the Undead.
258
00:12:33,746 --> 00:12:35,297
You don't have to say my whole name.
You can just say Evan,
259
00:12:35,322 --> 00:12:36,924
it's fine. - VIAGO: Or just Evan.
260
00:12:36,949 --> 00:12:38,717
Who else do we have? Danny.
261
00:12:38,742 --> 00:12:41,166
Hey, Danny. With his
shirt off, as usual.
262
00:12:41,191 --> 00:12:43,955
Cool Mexican tattoos all over his chest.
263
00:12:43,980 --> 00:12:47,100
- Dark greetings, everyone.
- Welcome, Danny.
264
00:12:47,125 --> 00:12:48,558
We also have Paul.
265
00:12:48,583 --> 00:12:51,165
Dark greetings, everyone.
Dark greetings.
266
00:12:51,190 --> 00:12:53,698
Great to be here.
267
00:12:54,155 --> 00:12:57,643
- Rob... Wh... Is Rob here? Is...
- Couldn't make it.
268
00:12:57,668 --> 00:12:58,729
We couldn't get Rob?
269
00:12:58,754 --> 00:13:00,595
Uh, no, I-I talked to Rob, he didn't...
270
00:13:00,620 --> 00:13:03,344
didn't want to come. Want to...
leave it behind.
271
00:13:03,369 --> 00:13:04,561
That's fine. No, he didn't want
272
00:13:04,586 --> 00:13:06,854
- to be here. Kiefer?
- I don't see Kiefer.
273
00:13:06,879 --> 00:13:09,257
Kiefer said that he wanted to
do it, but he couldn't come.
274
00:13:09,282 --> 00:13:11,557
- He was busy?
- Tom and Brad...
275
00:13:11,582 --> 00:13:12,950
- Tom, not... No.
- Not interested.
276
00:13:12,975 --> 00:13:15,088
- Tom and Bra... Well...
- Not into it.
277
00:13:15,113 --> 00:13:16,804
They're not committed like us.
278
00:13:16,829 --> 00:13:18,791
It's just an availability thing.
279
00:13:18,816 --> 00:13:21,815
- Well, who is here?
- Calling in via Skype,
280
00:13:21,840 --> 00:13:24,729
we have Wesley over
there, the day-walker.
281
00:13:24,754 --> 00:13:25,198
Wesley!
282
00:13:25,223 --> 00:13:26,221
- Hey, Wesley.
- Is this working?
283
00:13:26,246 --> 00:13:28,414
- Look at him then...
- Oh, God, not this fucking guy.
284
00:13:28,439 --> 00:13:31,399
He is a vampire killer!
285
00:13:31,424 --> 00:13:33,680
Hey, he is half vampire.
286
00:13:33,713 --> 00:13:35,338
His opinion still counts.
287
00:13:35,363 --> 00:13:37,565
Yeah, well, I'm only listening
to half his opinion.
288
00:13:38,754 --> 00:13:40,968
- Look at him in the sunlight.
- Showing off.
289
00:13:40,993 --> 00:13:42,830
- Can you hear me?
- Wesley, can you hear us?
290
00:13:42,855 --> 00:13:44,002
- Hey, can you hear me?
- There's a lag.
291
00:13:44,027 --> 00:13:46,697
The Skype seems glitchy.
292
00:13:46,722 --> 00:13:47,557
Hello?
293
00:13:47,582 --> 00:13:49,377
- Push the mute button.
- It looks like
294
00:13:49,402 --> 00:13:51,072
a little microphone, it's
got a-got a ring around it.
295
00:13:51,097 --> 00:13:52,577
- I'm pushing it.
- Can you hear us now?
296
00:13:52,602 --> 00:13:55,017
I can hear you. Dark greetings.
297
00:13:55,042 --> 00:13:56,916
Okay. Great.
298
00:13:56,941 --> 00:13:58,851
Moving on. As is vampire law,
299
00:13:58,876 --> 00:14:01,089
we also have a local vampire here
300
00:14:01,114 --> 00:14:03,673
on the council this
evening, Colin Robinson.
301
00:14:03,847 --> 00:14:05,495
Hello.
302
00:14:05,520 --> 00:14:07,089
What the fuck are you doing here?
303
00:14:07,114 --> 00:14:08,338
Okay, now...
304
00:14:08,363 --> 00:14:10,384
So why are we gathered
on "Statee" Island?
305
00:14:10,409 --> 00:14:13,268
Because one of our brothers
has passed from this world.
306
00:14:13,293 --> 00:14:17,689
Baron Afanas, also known
as The Undying One.
307
00:14:17,714 --> 00:14:20,697
Well, he died. That's why we're here.
308
00:14:20,722 --> 00:14:21,956
Call the witness.
309
00:14:21,981 --> 00:14:23,869
First witness.
310
00:14:23,894 --> 00:14:25,588
- Oh, good grief.
- Oh, shit.
311
00:14:25,613 --> 00:14:27,987
Where the hell did she come from?
312
00:14:28,012 --> 00:14:30,982
This is Baron Afanas' familiar.
313
00:14:31,007 --> 00:14:33,876
Witness number one, speak.
314
00:14:33,901 --> 00:14:36,871
It's okay. She doesn't speak.
315
00:14:36,896 --> 00:14:40,783
On the eve of the death of my master...
316
00:14:40,808 --> 00:14:41,916
Well, she's speaking now.
317
00:14:41,941 --> 00:14:44,556
These three vampires
318
00:14:44,581 --> 00:14:47,548
- took Baron Afanas...
- She's speaking.
319
00:14:47,573 --> 00:14:51,908
And they let him partake of human food.
320
00:14:53,534 --> 00:14:57,053
We cannot eat human food. It's gross.
321
00:14:57,078 --> 00:14:58,412
The fuck is wrong with you guys?
322
00:14:58,437 --> 00:14:59,580
Earlier,
323
00:14:59,605 --> 00:15:03,485
I overheard them plotting to murder him.
324
00:15:04,894 --> 00:15:06,695
She speaks the bullshit.
325
00:15:06,780 --> 00:15:09,083
We simply floated the idea.
326
00:15:09,108 --> 00:15:11,836
You floated the idea of murdering him?
327
00:15:11,861 --> 00:15:14,166
- Yes.
- Not floated, you plotted.
328
00:15:14,191 --> 00:15:16,109
Floating and plotting are very similar.
329
00:15:16,134 --> 00:15:16,826
Wait,
330
00:15:16,851 --> 00:15:19,369
- The Baron is dead?
- Oh, my God, Wesley,
331
00:15:19,394 --> 00:15:21,228
- we're past that now.
- Wesley, catch up, we're past that.
332
00:15:21,253 --> 00:15:22,151
Remove the witness.
333
00:15:22,176 --> 00:15:24,047
- Yeah.
- Thanks a lot.
334
00:15:24,072 --> 00:15:26,470
- Bye, bitch.
- Human food? Like-like-like
335
00:15:26,495 --> 00:15:27,979
hamburger or some-something like that?
336
00:15:28,004 --> 00:15:28,556
Wesley.
337
00:15:28,581 --> 00:15:30,033
We're over the human food thing.
Shut up.
338
00:15:30,058 --> 00:15:31,880
We're not talking about that, Wesley.
339
00:15:31,905 --> 00:15:33,307
You need better Wi-Fi.
340
00:15:33,332 --> 00:15:35,681
Move the computer next
to your router, homes.
341
00:15:35,706 --> 00:15:38,052
Hey, hey, hey. It's not my Wi-Fi.
342
00:15:38,077 --> 00:15:40,134
I got the best Wi-Fi. Okay?
343
00:15:40,159 --> 00:15:43,462
I heard about one familiar
who was made into a vampire,
344
00:15:43,487 --> 00:15:46,853
and now he has a big castle and
he is really successful...
345
00:15:46,894 --> 00:15:50,398
My master says I'm gonna be
a vampire in a few days.
346
00:15:50,423 --> 00:15:53,080
It's only been seven decades.
347
00:15:53,229 --> 00:15:55,352
So, have any of you
348
00:15:55,377 --> 00:15:58,815
met a familiar who's become a vampire?
349
00:16:00,619 --> 00:16:02,168
Not personally,
350
00:16:02,201 --> 00:16:04,112
never met one.
351
00:16:04,137 --> 00:16:08,635
Well, I'll be a vampire soon,
and then you'll know a vampire.
352
00:16:08,660 --> 00:16:11,073
And then you can become my familiar.
353
00:16:11,098 --> 00:16:13,713
Did anyone really like
The Baron, anyway?
354
00:16:13,738 --> 00:16:15,487
.Well, I... no, I didn't like him.
I mean, I didn't...
355
00:16:15,512 --> 00:16:16,375
He was creepy.
356
00:16:16,400 --> 00:16:17,370
He was loco.
357
00:16:17,395 --> 00:16:19,737
I thought he was pretty
rude and a backstabber.
358
00:16:19,762 --> 00:16:21,752
- He was a bit of an asshole.
- Loco.
359
00:16:21,777 --> 00:16:23,523
He was a psychotic madman.
360
00:16:23,548 --> 00:16:25,391
Aren't we all, though? A little bit?
361
00:16:25,416 --> 00:16:26,330
He was a whackjob,
362
00:16:26,355 --> 00:16:28,791
he was crazy, but rules are rules.
363
00:16:28,816 --> 00:16:30,901
- Now what?
- Bring in the other witness.
364
00:16:30,926 --> 00:16:32,128
Now let us call the next witness.
365
00:16:32,153 --> 00:16:33,180
What other witness?
366
00:16:33,205 --> 00:16:34,003
Another witness.
367
00:16:34,028 --> 00:16:35,354
Witness number whatever-it-is.
368
00:16:35,379 --> 00:16:37,369
- Oh, my life.
- Guillermo.
369
00:16:37,394 --> 00:16:38,828
Who's this delicious-looking thing?
370
00:16:38,852 --> 00:16:40,788
What is this? Is this-is this lunch?
371
00:16:40,813 --> 00:16:42,305
- Yes, it's lunch.
- No, it's not lunch.
372
00:16:42,330 --> 00:16:43,288
It's lunch.
373
00:16:43,313 --> 00:16:45,963
This is one of their familiars, council.
374
00:16:45,988 --> 00:16:46,971
He bears witness.
375
00:16:46,996 --> 00:16:49,424
Did these vampires three
376
00:16:49,449 --> 00:16:51,557
murder The Baron?
377
00:16:51,582 --> 00:16:53,170
No, they did not.
378
00:16:53,195 --> 00:16:55,213
Did they "float" it?
379
00:16:55,238 --> 00:16:57,752
They discussed it, but
they-they were just talking.
380
00:16:57,777 --> 00:16:59,799
They weren't going to really do it.
381
00:16:59,824 --> 00:17:02,660
So who murdered The Baron?
382
00:17:02,935 --> 00:17:04,510
Um...
383
00:17:08,534 --> 00:17:11,823
They... It was I. I-I killed him.
384
00:17:13,209 --> 00:17:14,678
- You did it?
- Yes.
385
00:17:15,691 --> 00:17:17,193
It was I. I did it.
386
00:17:17,400 --> 00:17:19,502
Okay. Unlikely.
387
00:17:19,527 --> 00:17:22,346
Don't take offense, but you
don't seem like someone
388
00:17:22,371 --> 00:17:24,682
who would be capable
of killing a vampire.
389
00:17:24,707 --> 00:17:26,409
- But I did it.
- Uh, hard to believe.
390
00:17:26,434 --> 00:17:28,174
- Well, I did.
- From maybe a tougher-looking guy,
391
00:17:28,199 --> 00:17:30,690
- I'd believe it, but...
- I think you're lying
392
00:17:30,715 --> 00:17:32,629
- to protect your master.
- Of course he is.
393
00:17:32,654 --> 00:17:34,695
This little guy couldn't kill a vampire.
394
00:17:34,720 --> 00:17:37,002
No, it was, it was me. I opened
the door and it was dawn
395
00:17:37,027 --> 00:17:38,429
and then the sun came in and...
396
00:17:38,454 --> 00:17:40,330
and then it happened.
397
00:17:40,355 --> 00:17:42,723
That sounds very made-up.
398
00:17:42,852 --> 00:17:44,153
I mean, I don't know, guys.
399
00:17:44,178 --> 00:17:45,924
None of us really liked The Baron,
400
00:17:45,949 --> 00:17:48,444
so maybe we just kill
this cute little guy
401
00:17:48,469 --> 00:17:50,073
and then let the other three go.
402
00:17:50,098 --> 00:17:51,440
Send his soul to hell.
403
00:17:51,569 --> 00:17:54,156
Does anyone else feel like having
404
00:17:54,181 --> 00:17:56,653
- a cheeky little snack?
- Sneaky snack?
405
00:17:56,678 --> 00:17:58,647
What do you think, Wesley?
406
00:17:58,672 --> 00:18:01,642
Who is this motherfucker now?
This glasses motherfucker?
407
00:18:01,667 --> 00:18:02,924
It's lunch, Wesley.
408
00:18:02,949 --> 00:18:04,151
- Lunch.
- Oh, yeah.
409
00:18:04,176 --> 00:18:05,130
No!
410
00:18:05,242 --> 00:18:06,829
I cannot abide by this.
411
00:18:06,854 --> 00:18:08,846
- Oh.
- Get to the point.
412
00:18:08,871 --> 00:18:12,174
- Have you got a point to make?
- Listen to me.
413
00:18:12,370 --> 00:18:14,619
- We're all listening.
- You got... Everyone's listening.
414
00:18:14,644 --> 00:18:15,290
Everyone's like...
415
00:18:15,315 --> 00:18:16,805
Everyone has stopped
what they were doing,
416
00:18:16,830 --> 00:18:18,415
we were all about to
chomp down on this guy,
417
00:18:18,440 --> 00:18:20,424
and then you said, "Oh,
I'm gonna say something."
418
00:18:20,449 --> 00:18:22,619
- Speak.
- It was we...
419
00:18:22,644 --> 00:18:24,955
- No.
- Who killed The Baron.
420
00:18:24,980 --> 00:18:26,754
We thought that! That's what we thought.
421
00:18:26,779 --> 00:18:28,688
- We-we...
- We were all discussing that.
422
00:18:28,713 --> 00:18:29,841
You have committed
423
00:18:29,866 --> 00:18:32,582
premeditated vampicide.
424
00:18:32,607 --> 00:18:34,980
Pass the judgment, Tilda.
425
00:18:35,005 --> 00:18:37,611
I pronounce these three
426
00:18:37,636 --> 00:18:38,718
guilty.
427
00:18:38,743 --> 00:18:41,051
Raise your fangs, all who agree.
428
00:18:48,170 --> 00:18:49,938
The punishment is
429
00:18:49,963 --> 00:18:52,380
they will be killed in the same manner
430
00:18:52,405 --> 00:18:53,723
that their victim was:
431
00:18:53,748 --> 00:18:56,184
exposed to sunlight.
432
00:18:56,209 --> 00:18:58,745
- Ooh!
- Ow, Chihuahuas.
433
00:18:59,862 --> 00:19:01,564
Man, that's fucking rough.
434
00:19:01,589 --> 00:19:03,864
You gonna help us, Colin Robinson?
435
00:19:04,099 --> 00:19:05,668
Fuck can I do?
436
00:19:05,693 --> 00:19:08,333
Follow me to your doom.
437
00:19:08,358 --> 00:19:09,394
Don't worry.
438
00:19:09,419 --> 00:19:12,371
I've coordinated a secret escape plan.
439
00:19:13,890 --> 00:19:15,259
Bat!
440
00:19:15,284 --> 00:19:17,447
Laszlo, you fucking asshole!
How could...
441
00:19:17,472 --> 00:19:19,786
- How could...
- Ludwig, get him.
442
00:19:20,006 --> 00:19:23,009
Dan, get her.
443
00:19:24,903 --> 00:19:27,065
Watch the hands, Mr. Hands!
444
00:19:27,090 --> 00:19:29,727
Fucking hell!
445
00:19:29,752 --> 00:19:32,489
Release my blade.
446
00:19:32,860 --> 00:19:34,984
- Ooh.
- Is it welded on there, or...?
447
00:19:35,009 --> 00:19:37,055
Well, it's for decoration, really.
448
00:19:37,080 --> 00:19:40,051
- Thank you, Ludwig, very good.
- Fuck me.
449
00:19:40,231 --> 00:19:42,033
What is that? Uh... Hey!
450
00:19:42,058 --> 00:19:44,479
He's a vampire, he couldn't
get an ax off a wall.
451
00:19:44,504 --> 00:19:45,746
Well, you should see it.
452
00:19:45,771 --> 00:19:47,887
It's, like, welded on
there or something.
453
00:19:50,059 --> 00:19:51,828
We have to find a way out of here.
454
00:19:51,853 --> 00:19:53,733
This is the thing where we wa... Okay,
455
00:19:53,758 --> 00:19:56,770
I broke this, turned right, and
then we turned left to the...
456
00:19:58,689 --> 00:20:01,340
Stay back!
457
00:20:01,768 --> 00:20:03,528
Oh...
458
00:20:05,371 --> 00:20:06,988
It was an accident.
459
00:20:07,013 --> 00:20:09,248
It was an accident. It was an accident.
460
00:20:09,281 --> 00:20:11,207
It was an accident!
461
00:20:13,648 --> 00:20:16,434
So, they're being sent
into a well, and, uh,
462
00:20:16,459 --> 00:20:18,661
the sun's going to slowly come up,
463
00:20:18,686 --> 00:20:21,170
- and then they'll burn to death.
- It's a very horrible way to die.
464
00:20:21,195 --> 00:20:24,582
- Very dramatic way to die.
- Yes.
465
00:20:38,675 --> 00:20:40,690
That's so macabre.
466
00:20:40,715 --> 00:20:42,619
They could have at least cleared them up
467
00:20:42,644 --> 00:20:44,770
before putting us in here.
468
00:20:53,357 --> 00:20:55,837
I wish I had made more
of my leadership skills.
469
00:20:55,862 --> 00:20:57,762
I could have ruled many more countries
470
00:20:57,787 --> 00:21:00,200
instead of dying in a
well with two perverts.
471
00:21:01,568 --> 00:21:03,739
I was Jack the Ripper.
472
00:21:03,836 --> 00:21:06,051
I've never told anyone that before.
473
00:21:06,076 --> 00:21:07,778
And I wish I'd made love more.
474
00:21:07,803 --> 00:21:10,416
Well, you did that a lot. A lot.
475
00:21:10,441 --> 00:21:13,020
- I suppose I did.
- Yeah, a-a lot.
476
00:21:13,045 --> 00:21:15,481
I miss my horse John.
477
00:21:15,506 --> 00:21:19,301
I wish I was better to him.
And to you both.
478
00:21:19,326 --> 00:21:22,296
That's very kind of you,
Nandor, to say that, and, um,
479
00:21:22,321 --> 00:21:25,676
I know we haven't got on
over the years, but, uh...
480
00:21:26,008 --> 00:21:27,981
Nope, that's it.
481
00:21:28,688 --> 00:21:30,864
I hate to say it, but I
think it's gonna hurt.
482
00:21:30,889 --> 00:21:34,398
- Oh, no!
- Fucking Colin Robinson.
483
00:21:34,423 --> 00:21:37,121
- Oh, shit.
- No! No!
484
00:21:37,146 --> 00:21:40,153
- Save me! Oh, Gregor, I love you!
- No! No!
485
00:21:40,178 --> 00:21:42,012
Gregor!
486
00:21:42,037 --> 00:21:44,825
- Oh, my love, my love...
- I'm burning!
487
00:21:48,748 --> 00:21:50,887
- I-It is an eclipse.
- What is that?
488
00:21:50,912 --> 00:21:53,606
Hey, dudes. It's me, Colin
Robinson, your roommate.
489
00:21:54,327 --> 00:21:55,582
- Colin Robinson?
- Yeah,
490
00:21:55,607 --> 00:21:58,155
Guillermo's here, too. He was
running around, peeing himself.
491
00:21:58,180 --> 00:21:59,504
I didn't pee myself, Master.
492
00:21:59,529 --> 00:22:01,129
- He was freaked out.
- No, I wasn't.
493
00:22:01,154 --> 00:22:03,637
So, anyway, I, uh, I was
walking by this hardware store
494
00:22:03,662 --> 00:22:05,590
and I says to myself,
"Colin, you should go in
495
00:22:05,615 --> 00:22:08,837
and, uh, see if they have any
umbrellas for the well."
496
00:22:08,862 --> 00:22:11,665
Made sure to keep the receipt,
I'm gonna probably take it back.
497
00:22:11,690 --> 00:22:13,333
You can do that on non-food items.
498
00:22:13,382 --> 00:22:15,984
- Is he zapping our energy?
- He's taking advantage of us.
499
00:22:16,009 --> 00:22:18,111
- Don't do that.
- Shut up.
500
00:22:18,136 --> 00:22:19,938
Do you not want me to stay?
I can... I'll go.
501
00:22:19,963 --> 00:22:22,614
- No, no, no, no, no! No!
- No, don't do that! No!
502
00:22:22,639 --> 00:22:24,723
Just giving you guys guff.
503
00:22:24,748 --> 00:22:26,051
Yeah, I'm gonna save you.
504
00:22:26,076 --> 00:22:28,474
You guys awake?
505
00:22:28,499 --> 00:22:31,352
Hello?
506
00:22:31,674 --> 00:22:33,909
Oh, no, a roller coaster for vampires.
507
00:22:36,293 --> 00:22:39,809
- Oh, no, oh, no! Roller coaster again.
- Stop it, Colin Robinson.
508
00:22:39,834 --> 00:22:42,303
And sorry about the camera crew
at the bottom of the well.
509
00:22:42,328 --> 00:22:44,590
You're gonna want to get
them out sooner than later.
510
00:22:44,615 --> 00:22:47,116
They're in-they're in grave danger.
511
00:22:48,158 --> 00:22:50,954
- You had a heck of a day, too, huh?
- Yeah.
512
00:22:51,027 --> 00:22:54,505
- How long have you been with us?
- Ten years.
513
00:22:54,530 --> 00:22:56,668
I guess that's the whole deal, right?
514
00:22:56,693 --> 00:22:57,957
That, you know, you work for him,
515
00:22:57,982 --> 00:23:02,090
and he eventually turns you
into a, uh, a vampire?
516
00:23:04,313 --> 00:23:05,911
Yeah.
517
00:23:06,131 --> 00:23:08,100
That's the deal.
518
00:23:58,004 --> 00:24:05,233
- Synced and corrected by martythecrazy -
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36565
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