All language subtitles for Superstore.S02E20.WEBRip.x264-ION10_English

.

- So, Bo,
what makes you interested

in a career at Cloud 9?

- Money.

- Oh, sure, sure--money.

- We've got the baby,
and, you know,

we're saving up for a wedding,
and it's really expensive.

Our theme is "Sick as Hell."
- Oh.

- Or maybe it's gonna be
"Dope as Ass."

We're still kinda
deciding on that,

you know what I'm saying?
But together.

- Aww.
Okay, well,

why don't you tell me a little
bit about your work experience?

On your application,
you said, uh,

"DJ, player's player,"

and you drew a picture
of a skateboard.

- Yeah, that's my tag.
It's what up.

- Bo doesn't have a lot
of work experience,

but he's a great dad...
- Yeah.

- And he's good with people.

- Yo, and I roll
the fattest Js, so...

- Okay, uh, where do you see
yourself in the future?

- Future--okay.
So for real,

I've given this actually,
like, a lot of thought.

It's like,
there's no government,

there's no laws,
and I'm the head of, like,

this roving murder gang
kinda thing,

but my best friend is a robot.

- He means--where do you see
yourself at Cloud 9?

- Oh...
yo, I'm not in this

for long term at all,
you know what I'm saying?

I'm just here to make
some paper, then bounce.

[laughs]
Yo, but don't tell that

to the bozos
in charge of hiring.

- Um, Glenn is
in charge of hiring.

- Oh, cool, okay.

Yeah, I'm here
for a long time, so...

[upbeat music]

*

- Okay, let's give
a warm first-day welcome

to our newest employee,
Bo Thompson...

- What's up?

- Who apparently wasn't
filled in about the dress code.

- Why does his middle finger
look so weird?

Oh, it's a penis.
Ha, clever.

- Bo, maybe you should change.

- Change into what?

Where am I supposed to
find another shirt?

- We work in a store.

- Okay, moving on.

Uh, today, we're gonna be
spring cleaning,

which is gonna be
buckets of fun.

- [chuckles]

What?
That's--that was funny.

- No, it wasn't.

- Literally nobody laughed,
except for you.

- It's barely even wordplay.

He just said buckets,
and held up a bucket.

- It's called prop comedy, Dina.

- You're just kissing up to him,

'cause you're dating
his daughter.

- That's not true at all.
In fact, just this morning,

Kristen said she respects
how much I don't kiss up.

- Where did you see Kristen
this morning?

- Hm?

We, uh, met for breakfast.

- Wait, I'm confused,
'cause it's 6:30 right now.

So does that mean you got up
and drove from your house,

and she got up
and drove from her house

to meet for breakfast
before 6:00 a.m.?

- That's what happened.

- And what restaurant is open
at, like, 4:00 in the morning?

- It was a gas station.

- Gas station breakfast
usually starts at 6:00.

Was this BP or Mobil?
- Oh, I don't--I don't remember.

- Nah, fools, they're banging.

You know what I'm saying?
- Oh.

- He's getting
a little breakfast action.

Yeah.

[desk rattling]

- * Let's go

- * Duke gonna get 'em

- * Go get 'em Duke

- * Duke gonna get 'em

- * Let's go

* Get loose
go ahead and do it *

* Hold up wait a minute

* Let me get into it

* Get loose
go ahead and do it *

* Hold up wait a minute

* Let me get into it

- Wow, someone just
never picked up their photos.

What do we do?
Do we just toss them?

- Uh, well, first,
we look for any naked pictures,

and I will be doing that.

Dressed, dressed...

- Hey, Glenn.
- Dressed.

Landscape.
Dressed.

- Do you feel good
about how that just went?

- I don't get it.

Normally, my girlfriends'
dads love me.

I still keep in touch
with most of them.

I just took Naomi's dad
to a train museum.

- Oh, here we go.
Nope, that's just two peaches.

- Jonah, relax.
Glenn likes you.

- Yeah, but he doesn't
seemed jazzed, you know.

I want him--
I want him to be jazzed.

- Just stop trying so hard.

Eventually, he'll be--
I'm not gonna say jazzed.

He's--he's gonna be fine
with it.

- Does that look like
a piece of a butt to you guys?

- There's a lot of butts
on the Internet.

Have you tried looking there?

- It's too easy.
I like the hunt.

- You just scan the barcode,

and it shows you how many units
we have in inventory.

- Ha! Oh, yo, Cheyenne to
the boneyard immediately STAT.

Ha-ha, yeah.
- Charming.

Can we just get back
to the scanning, though?

- Oh, I'll get back to it.
Boom! Headshot.

- Stop!
- One shot, one kill.

- Would you--
- Pew-pew-pew-pew-pew-pew-pew.

- Do you wanna learn
this stuff or not?

- What, this?
Psh, not really--no.

I'm just here to make
a quick 5 Gs, and then bounce,

you know what I'm saying?
How long is it gonna take?

Like a week, or something?

- [laughs]

- Ha...

All right, what's so funny?
What, somebody fart?

- Oh.
Hey, Myrtle.

You've been here for 30 years?
- Yep.

- Okay, how much money
have you saved?

- Almost $900.

I'm almost ready to head on out
to California.

[quirky music]

- I feel like I know this girl.

Or maybe she worked here.

- Oh, yeah,
she does look familiar.

I was just focused on
the neck down before, so...

- Hey, Tate,
do you recognize this girl?

Like, maybe she worked here in
the last ten years or something.

- Hm.

Oh, yeah, was the the one
on fluoxetine?

No.
[snaps]

That was Carol.

Oh, maybe lithium.

No.
[laughs]

No, that was also Carol.

Yeah, Carol is what we in
the medical profession call a...

[blubbers]
Cuckoo.

- You can just say no.
- Yeah, no, I don't know her.

Ooh, hey, let me know
when you need, uh,

refills on that skin stuff.

- Um, no--you were thinking
of Carol.

He's thinking of Carol.
- Mm.

- You can't give up
on your first day.

Just give it
a little bit more time, okay?

- It's like--how are they gonna
pay us so little

for all this work
we're doing, huh?

- Cheyenne, I have your change.

Great.

$100, $200, $300, $400...
[laughs]

Keep on spending, sheep.

$500, $600, $700, $800...

- Hey, Glenn.
- Oh.

- Brought you a cup of joe.

Coffee--cup of joe.

You've never heard
that expression before?

- No, why wouldn't
you just say coffee?

- I don't know.
Uh, it's more fun?

- Oh--oh, okay.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Oh, it's black.
- Oh, yeah, sorry.

I didn't know how you took it.

- It's fine, it's fine.

Yeah, it's fine.

- So, what's going on?
What's up?

- Um--uh, nothing.

Well, I was just
about to eat lunch.

- Oh, no kidding, I was just
about to eat my lunch too

at, uh, 10:30.

How 'bout we, uh--how about
we eat together, you know?

- You wanna eat lunch with me?
- Yeah!

Yeah, it'll give us
a chance to talk, you know,

get to know each other.
It'll be fun.

- Okay.

Let me--let me just
finish this coffee.

[clears throat]

- You know, you don't
have to finish that.

- No, I love it.

- If--if you don't,
it's not gonna offend me.

.

- Um...

I'll have a hot dog.

- Sorry, we don't have hot dogs.

- Cheeseburger then.

- We only really serve
Mexican food.

- One Mexican cheeseburger.

- We'll have
two beef quesadillas, please.

- You got it.

- Quesadilla?
- Mm-hmm.

- Quesadilla.

It's colorful in here.

- [laughs]
Yeah.

- This is fun.
Why haven't we done this before?

- You know what, I don't know.
It's--it's really nice

to get to know each other
outside of work.

- Exactly.

Ask me anything.
- Uh, okay.

Where were you born?

- Kansas City.

- Oh.

- Do Jewish people like snow?

- Um...some of us.

- Wow.
- Yeah.

- Your turn.
- Uh, do you have any siblings?

- Oh, what a strange question.

Um, yeah, four.

Uh, what's the biggest dog
you've ever seen, and why?

- Okay, try Veronica Harris.

She quit in 2011.

- Veronica Harris.

Oh, no,
it's definitely not Veronica.

- Oh, Veronica.

How is she doing?

- Prison.
- What?

Another one went to prison?

- Yeah, we're kind of a feeder.
- Ugh, okay, um...

try Robin Sanders.

both: Ooh, no.

- Not Robin.
Meth hit her hard.

- God, why do people do it?

- My guess--it feels incredible.

- Yo, let's say, like,
someone, like, got in here

and took all that oxi,
and, like, got out.

How do they, like, move that,
you know what I'm saying?

- Easy, you just go to
the nearest playground,

and just sell the whole stash
to some rich moms.

Yeah, all that pressure
to get their bods back

after pregnancy--
it's gotta go somewhere, huh?

[gobbles, mumbles]

My marriage is over.

[both laugh]

They're deeply unhappy.
- Bo, um...

you're not assigned to pharmacy.
What are you doing here?

- Oh, no reason.
I'm just hanging with my boy.

- Okay,
'cause it's a really good thing

that you have this job,

and I wouldn't want you
to mess it up.

- No, don't worry, baby,
all right?

Yo, thanks for the info, Dr. S.
- No problem.

Uh...
[clears throat]

Real talk for a sec?

- Yeah.
- I'm jealous of your mustache.

- Blesses and riches.

- This was fun.
- I know, right?

I-I'm so glad we did this.

- Me too.
- Dessert?

- Uh, do you have
a Mexican version of a churro?

- Um, I think we can put
something together for you.

- You know what, actually, uh,

I-I think we should
probably head back.

My break just ended
five minutes ago.

- Oh.
- Yeah.

- Well, why don't
we call the boss?

Hello, Glenn, it's Glenn.

Can Jonah have
an extra long lunch?

What, he can?
That's great.

You're the best.
Bye.

I'm Glenn--same Glenn.
I mean, I'm both Glenns.

- Oh, okay.

- Yeah, you know, Glenn,
I-I appreciate it,

but if--if you make
an exception for me,

and then the other
associates notice,

they're probably
gonna get jealous,

and it'll get weird, so...

- I didn't think of it
like that.

- I know.
If I could,

I would hang out all day,

but, you know, life.

- Yeah, life.

I'll get the check.
- All right.

- Excuse me, sir, do you take
American dollars here?

- Well, this has escalated.

- I-I just feel like
there's gotta be something

that tells us who she is,

like a stack of mail
with an address on it,

or--or--or--or like a--
a car with a license plate,

and we can run the plate.

- Okay, explain to me
the process

by which we would run a plate.

- We would call someone
on the force.

- The force?

- Yes, that is
what people call it.

- Look, I am all for wasting
time on useless activities,

but this is entering
Carol territory.

- Look at that kitchen, Garrett.

That's like a--
a million dollar kitchen.

Aren't you the least bit curious

about how someone
who used to work here

ended up in a house like that?

- Is that a solid oak table?

- Looks like a solid oak table.

- And a French press.
- That is a French press.

Do you know how much
disposable time you need

to make French press coffee?
Too much.

- We're gonna need to
make these a lot bigger.

- Yes.

[seedy music]

*

- Hey, no one's allowed in here.

- Yeah, I got--I got lost
and stuff, so...

Oh, hey, this is, like,
real badass, you know.

This is like CTU headquarters
or something.

You're like Jack Bauer,
you know what I'm saying?

- [laughs]
I don't know that

I could actually do everything
that he--

You know what? No.
Accept the compliment.

Thank you.

- Yeah, you got a tough job,
for real.

You know, there's, like, a lot
of dangerous people out there.

You got gang bangers
running around, Slender Man.

Whoa, oh, where is he?
You know what I'm saying?

Oh, ISISes.

- I worry about ISIS
all the time.

You know, people spend so much
time watching the coasts.

You know where
they're gonna strike first?

Right here in the heartland.

- Yeah, what's up, truth?

So I'm, like, thinking, like,

I wanna learn about all this,
you know what I'm saying?

You know, like, the cameras
and the locks

and the alarms and all that.

- Fellow security buff, huh?
- Yeah.

- Ha, who knew?
Here I thought

you were nothing more
than a worthless dirt bag.

- Nah, I contain multitudes, yo.

- Hey, you wanted to see me?

- I just talked to corporate,
and they said

as long as I don't give you
a raise of any kind,

I can make you my assistant.

Now we get to hang out all day.

.

- 11 Mississippi,
12 Mississippi, 13.

Uh, he says to count to 13.

He likes it more as a slurry.

- So as his assistant,
do you have to wear the tie?

- Uh, no.

He--he said it--it--

it makes it easier for
the two of us to play pranks.

- Well, on the bright side,
he's now good and jazzed, yeah?

- Yeah, yeah.

- I just love the tie.

It makes me so happy.
- Glad to hear that.

- So are you
his assistant now forever?

- No, no--no--no, just, like,

until Kristen and I break up.

- But what happens
if you guys get married?

- Oh, well, then--
well, then, uh...

I guess until Glenn dies.

- The tie just makes me
so happy, man.

I mean, it's like you're
a little, tiny businessman.

- Only about
half the cameras work.

The rest are just deterrents.

But the thieves don't know
where the blind spots are.

- Oh, he's totally packing,
right?

- Oh, no, no, Reggie can't hold
an actual weapon.

And as a matter of fact,
between you and I,

he's almost completely blind.

- What do you think
is going on over there?

- I don't know.

Whoo!
God...

why is that so satisfying?
[laughs]

[sighs]

- [clears throat]
- We're probably gonna have

a lot of inside jokes,
aren't we?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

What do you think
our first one should be?

- I'm gonna go to
the men's room.

- Me too!
Look at this.

Our cycles are
synching up already.

- Okay, that tree
outside the window--

it's a sycamore tree.

- Great, now all we need to know

is where sycamore trees grow.

- Okay, sycamores--

they grow in
the Southern parts of Missouri.

- Missouri.

- Large swaths of
the Eastern Seaboard.

There's no sycamores
on the West Coast.

- Okay...
- Except for Washington state.

And there's a large group
of them in Australia.

- We got nothing.

I don't get it.
Where do we know her from?

- Which one goes where?
- I don't know.

I couldn't find
the reference photos.

- Did you check up your butt?

- No.

- [clears throat]

[paper sinks]

- You going yet?
- No, still not yet.

- Oh.
- You know, I--

I-I could probably meet you
back in the office.

- Oh, I don't mind.

Hey, what do you think about

going to a baseball game
with me this weekend?

- Yeah, that--I'd love that.
- Yeah?

- Yeah.
Of course, you know,

the other employees might think

that you're playing
favorites, so...

- We don't have to tell them.

- Right, but then it gets,
you know, even weirder,

because it's like--
now we're lying,

so it'd be--it'd be
a whole thing, trust me.

- Yeah, you're probably right.

[sighs]

Boy, when you finally go,

it's really gonna be something,
isn't it?

- [sighs]
Yeah.

- Hey, Dina.

How are things going with Bo?

Uh, is he doing okay?

- Doing okay?
He's a surv-head.

Sorry, surveillance head.

I forgot you weren't
a surv-head.

- Oh.
Okay.

Um, but is he, like, acting
a little weird around you?

- You mean how he wants to
have sex with me?

- Uh...
- Listen, relax, okay?

I'm not interested.
Not enough body hair.

He looks like a newborn mouse.

- Oh...okay, good.

- You should really have
a little more trust in your man.

- Yeah.

You're right.
I should trust him.

Thanks.

- And listen, if he masturbates
to me on his lunch break,

that's his business, okay?

It's not my fault.

- Okay.

- So corporate sent me
two tickets

to this weekend's
Cardinals game,

so I'm gonna pick
one employee to go with me...

completely at random.

So all your names are in here,
and it's time to pick now.

- Is it Saturday or Sunday,
'cause I-I actually have--

- It doesn't matter, Sandra.

- I'm cremating my dog.
- Jonah!

- You didn't even read it.
- I glanced at it.

- I did not see you
glance at it.

- Congratulations, Jonah!
Yeah!

So, uh, if you, uh,
see us on the jumbotron,

this is how that happened.

- You know what,
I'm worried about traffic.

Maybe you guys should
head down there early,

and make a day out of it.
- Yeah.

- That's a great idea.

- Uh, yeah, you know what, uh,
I am all booked up this weekend.

- Oh...

well, I didn't literally mean,
like, this weekend.

I-I meant, like, um,

when this nearest weekend
is over, then that weekend.

- Uh, oh, well, uh,
this is frustrating.

I am booked up then too.

- I'll go.
I love b-ball.

- Oh, yeah, that's
what they call baseball.

- No, nobody else is going.

Jonah won,
so Jonah's coming with me.

- No, Glenn, I did--
I didn't win.

I--somebody else should--
- No, you won.

- No, I didn't win--I clearly--
- Fair and square.

- But I can't do it, Glenn.
- No, you--

I'm sure you can
move stuff around.

- I'm completely booked up,
and then I can't.

I can't go.
- Winners go, losers don't go.

- Glenn, I don't wanna
hang out with you.

- [exhales slowly]

- All right, looks I'm in.

Oh, one condition,

uh, if I catch a foul ball,
I'm not giving it to a kid.

- I respect that.

.

[quirky music]

[knocking]

- Uh, Glenn, I just came by to--
to return this.

- Eugene?
- Thank you.

Ahem, Glen?
- Thanks.

I'll put this on
my new assistant.

- Hey, so, listen,

I'm sorry I lied about
wanting to hang out.

- [laughs]
Your breath is warm.

- Uh, hey, Eugene, could--
could we maybe have a minute?

- Of course.
- Thanks.

Glen, I, uh...
[sighs]

I get that you felt weird

about me dating Kristen,

and--I don't know--I guess
I just thought

if we spent some time together,
maybe I could win you over.

- I get it.

It's tricky.

I mean,
you're dating my daughter,

and I'm a strong alpha.

- No, yeah, yeah, exactly.

- But please, from now on,
just be honest with me.

- Absolutely.
You have my word.

- Okay.

Hey, did Kristen sleep over
at your apartment last night?

- No, we met for breakfast
at 4:00 a.m. at a gas station.

- Thanks, that's what I thought.

[laughs]

- Even if we never
find out who she is,

isn't it nice to know
that at least one person

who worked here
didn't end up on drugs,

or in prison,
or fused to a couch?

- Mm, the future is bright.

- Yep, I can smell
the French press coffee now.

- Eh, why wait?

Don't we sell one of
those French presses

here in the store?

What?

- She's a Cloud 9 model.

- Yep.

You still want to pick up
the French press?

- Nope.

- You know, I do think I have
seen that woman naked, though.

- Yeah, you think
you've seen everyone naked.

- I can't believe I doubted him.

I mean, he's the father
of my child.

- Do you think this is
chocolate sauce or blood?

- Chocolate.

I mean, maybe something's
wrong with me.

Maybe I can't trust
the people in my life,

because of my relationship
with my dad.

- Um, Cheyenne...

- [grunts]
- [sighs]

- Yep, it is blood.

- Whoa.
Oh, hey, boo.

[chuckles]
- I can't believe you.

- What? No, no, no,
it's not what you think, okay?

I was just gonna hide out here
until the store closes,

and then I was gonna
rob the place.

- That is what I thought
you were doing!

- Wow, you know,
I love how you know me so well.

- We could probably both
get fired from you doing this.

Did you even realize
how this would affect me?

- Yeah, I was doing this
for you, okay?

So our wedding would be
sick as hell.

It would have, like,
peacocks and Flo Rida

and dope-ass peonies.

- I don't need all that.

- Really?

- Let's just have
a nice, simple wedding,

and then we save up our money,

we can spend it on
something important,

like one of those Jacuzzis
with the purple lights,

or those gold teeth
that you've always wanted.

- Damn, girl,
you're too good for me.

- Totally.

[poignant music]

- Attention,
y'all are bitch ass hoes.

I quit!

I'm keeping the vest.
- Oh, no, you're not.

- No, no,
okay, hold on, hold on.

Just let--let me get if off!

Putting it down, boss.

Oh! Just kidding!
Suck it!

[imitates buzzer]
Oh!

I quit.
Did you hear that?

[phone rings]

- Glenn Sturgis's office?

Hi, Jeff, let me see
if I can get him for you.

I have Jeff for you.
- Thank you.

[beeps]

Hi, Jeff.
- Hey, I have some bad news.

Uh, the headline
is every branch

is gonna have to lay off
10% of its workforce.

So...um...

- [whispers]
Should I go tell everybody?

- Glenn?