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1
00:00:01,669 --> 00:00:02,169
.
2
00:00:02,203 --> 00:00:02,543
- Don't worry,
3
00:00:03,637 --> 00:00:07,307
uh, Tori can cover your shift.
You just get some rest.
4
00:00:07,341 --> 00:00:08,511
- [coughs] Thanks, Glenn.
5
00:00:08,542 --> 00:00:10,042
- Hey, is that Amy?
- Yeah.
6
00:00:10,078 --> 00:00:11,478
She's got a terrible cold.
7
00:00:11,512 --> 00:00:13,582
- Oh, no.
Hey, sweetie.
8
00:00:13,614 --> 00:00:16,524
You sound terrible--
shrill, but in a different way.
9
00:00:16,550 --> 00:00:18,420
- Yeah--[coughs]
It's pretty bad.
10
00:00:18,452 --> 00:00:22,192
- Uh-huh. Hey, Ames,
can you hold on a sec?
11
00:00:22,223 --> 00:00:24,363
Yeah, she's faking.
- No, she is not.
12
00:00:24,392 --> 00:00:25,832
- Glenn, I love Amy
like a sister,
13
00:00:25,859 --> 00:00:28,629
and she is a liar and a fraud,
like my sister.
14
00:00:28,662 --> 00:00:30,602
- I'm still on, by the way.
15
00:00:30,631 --> 00:00:32,171
- Hey, sweetie!
16
00:00:32,200 --> 00:00:33,500
- You ignore her.
17
00:00:33,534 --> 00:00:35,504
You just get well soon, okay?
18
00:00:35,536 --> 00:00:39,266
- Thank you.
[coughing]
19
00:00:41,442 --> 00:00:43,582
- So can I pretend to be sick
to miss school Monday?
20
00:00:43,611 --> 00:00:45,581
- No, this is different.
21
00:00:45,613 --> 00:00:46,613
- How?
22
00:00:46,647 --> 00:00:48,247
- It just is.
It's an adult thing.
23
00:00:48,282 --> 00:00:49,852
You'll understand
someday. Come on.
24
00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:51,493
Hi...
25
00:00:51,519 --> 00:00:53,289
[gasps]
26
00:00:53,321 --> 00:00:56,561
Oh, my God, that's Jeff,
my district manager.
27
00:00:56,590 --> 00:01:01,430
Why would he come all the way
out here to watch a movie?
28
00:01:01,462 --> 00:01:03,202
[gasps]
29
00:01:03,231 --> 00:01:06,201
[upbeat music]
30
00:01:06,234 --> 00:01:07,274
*
31
00:01:08,469 --> 00:01:10,439
- I mean, I'm just saying,
we're friends,
32
00:01:10,471 --> 00:01:12,441
so if you did play
hooky yesterday,
33
00:01:12,473 --> 00:01:13,573
you can totally tell me.
34
00:01:13,607 --> 00:01:16,137
- I wasn't.
[coughs]
35
00:01:16,177 --> 00:01:17,507
- Are you sure you should
be drinking coffee?
36
00:01:17,545 --> 00:01:18,575
Caffeine mixed with
cold medication
37
00:01:18,612 --> 00:01:20,412
can have the same
effects as meth.
38
00:01:20,448 --> 00:01:21,878
- Really? I've never heard that.
39
00:01:21,915 --> 00:01:24,445
- Oh, it's true.
40
00:01:24,485 --> 00:01:26,585
- I guess...
41
00:01:26,620 --> 00:01:27,620
- Yeah, all of it.
42
00:01:32,426 --> 00:01:35,226
- Hey, Sandra.
How's it going?
43
00:01:35,263 --> 00:01:37,303
- Pretty good.
Someone stole my cat again.
44
00:01:37,331 --> 00:01:39,671
- Excuse me, I'm having
a conversation with Amy.
45
00:01:39,700 --> 00:01:41,470
- I think we were all caught up.
46
00:01:41,502 --> 00:01:43,202
- Are we?
47
00:01:43,237 --> 00:01:44,637
- [clears throat]
How are things, Sandra.
48
00:01:44,672 --> 00:01:45,872
How's Jeff?
49
00:01:45,906 --> 00:01:48,676
- Great.
He might take me to Paris.
50
00:01:48,709 --> 00:01:52,649
- Aww, Paris?
That sounds so serious.
51
00:01:52,680 --> 00:01:54,180
- I hate Paris.
52
00:01:54,215 --> 00:01:56,415
That place is just
one giant gay ashtray.
53
00:01:57,485 --> 00:01:58,685
- Attention, Cloud 9 shoppers,
54
00:01:58,719 --> 00:02:00,719
today is Cloud 9's
Wellness Fair,
55
00:02:00,754 --> 00:02:02,464
where we're offering
vision tests,
56
00:02:02,490 --> 00:02:04,330
blood pressure screenings,
and tips on living
57
00:02:04,358 --> 00:02:06,358
your best, healthiest life.
58
00:02:06,394 --> 00:02:08,464
Why go to a doctor
when you can get medical advice
59
00:02:08,496 --> 00:02:10,456
from the same place
you get dish soap?
60
00:02:12,566 --> 00:02:14,536
- I love the Wellness Fair.
61
00:02:14,568 --> 00:02:17,208
We're gonna save
a lot of lives today.
62
00:02:17,238 --> 00:02:20,208
- It's mostly handing out
informational pamphlets, right?
63
00:02:20,241 --> 00:02:21,641
- And buttons.
64
00:02:21,675 --> 00:02:23,605
- You know, I, uh--
I actually thought about
65
00:02:23,644 --> 00:02:25,454
going to medical school
for a minute.
66
00:02:25,479 --> 00:02:26,709
- No way.
- Yeah.
67
00:02:26,747 --> 00:02:30,177
- I wanted be a doctor too.
- Really?
68
00:02:30,218 --> 00:02:31,588
- Yes, really.
69
00:02:31,619 --> 00:02:33,319
Why is that a surprise?
70
00:02:33,354 --> 00:02:34,624
- It's not.
71
00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:36,515
- You don't think
I could be a doctor?
72
00:02:36,557 --> 00:02:37,927
- No, no-no-no.
Glenn, come on, no.
73
00:02:37,958 --> 00:02:40,588
I just--I'm--I don't even think
I could be a doctor.
74
00:02:40,628 --> 00:02:43,258
- Oh...
Not even you.
75
00:02:43,297 --> 00:02:45,197
- No, that's--I--
that's out of context.
76
00:02:45,233 --> 00:02:47,173
- I have to take
these buttons over there.
77
00:02:48,636 --> 00:02:53,336
["One Thing Leads To Another"
by The Fixx plays over intercom]
78
00:02:53,374 --> 00:02:56,484
- I love medicine.
I watch all those shows.
79
00:02:56,510 --> 00:02:57,950
"I need 10ccs, stat."
80
00:02:57,978 --> 00:02:59,608
"Prep the incubation tray."
81
00:02:59,647 --> 00:03:01,477
"I can't have sex with you.
82
00:03:01,515 --> 00:03:04,285
[whimpers]
I'm an intern."
83
00:03:04,318 --> 00:03:06,448
- Yeah, that all sounds
pretty medically accurate.
84
00:03:06,487 --> 00:03:07,617
- Hey, guys,
85
00:03:07,655 --> 00:03:12,555
if you knew that a friend's
boyfriend was cheating on her
86
00:03:12,593 --> 00:03:14,633
with another one
of your friends,
87
00:03:14,662 --> 00:03:16,562
would you say something?
88
00:03:16,597 --> 00:03:18,727
- Hmm, that's a tough one.
89
00:03:18,766 --> 00:03:20,696
Is it Kylie or Emily?
90
00:03:20,734 --> 00:03:24,714
- Okay, look, I wasn't actually
home sick yesterday.
91
00:03:24,738 --> 00:03:25,608
I went to the movies,
92
00:03:25,639 --> 00:03:30,009
and I saw Jeff with--
[whispers] Mateo...
93
00:03:30,043 --> 00:03:34,323
Kissing each other.
94
00:03:34,348 --> 00:03:35,718
- Wow!
- Weird.
95
00:03:35,749 --> 00:03:36,719
- Whoa.
- Hmm.
96
00:03:36,750 --> 00:03:39,320
- Woof.
- Seriously?
97
00:03:39,353 --> 00:03:40,593
This is your reaction?
98
00:03:40,621 --> 00:03:42,691
Jeff is cheating on Sandra
with Mateo.
99
00:03:42,723 --> 00:03:45,333
What do I do? Do I--do I--
do I talk to her?
100
00:03:45,359 --> 00:03:46,659
Do I confront him?
101
00:03:46,694 --> 00:03:50,334
- Okay, here's what you do.
102
00:03:50,364 --> 00:03:51,834
[whispers]
Nothing.
103
00:03:51,865 --> 00:03:53,365
- What? Come on.
104
00:03:53,401 --> 00:03:54,741
- Look, you don't know
the situation.
105
00:03:54,768 --> 00:03:56,268
This is like "Jurassic Park."
106
00:03:56,304 --> 00:03:57,474
You start messing around
with something
107
00:03:57,505 --> 00:03:58,535
you don't know anything about,
108
00:03:58,572 --> 00:04:00,672
and before you know it,
you're getting bit in half
109
00:04:00,708 --> 00:04:02,708
while you're sitting
on the toilet.
110
00:04:02,743 --> 00:04:05,613
- It's true, Amy.
That's what happens.
111
00:04:05,646 --> 00:04:07,616
- Okay, thanks, guys.
112
00:04:07,648 --> 00:04:08,778
This was great.
- Mm-hmm.
113
00:04:08,816 --> 00:04:11,346
- Helpful.
Thanks.
114
00:04:11,385 --> 00:04:12,515
- Should we just tell her
115
00:04:12,553 --> 00:04:15,593
that Mateo's the one who's been
dating Jeff all along?
116
00:04:15,623 --> 00:04:17,363
- Nah, it's better
just to stay out of it.
117
00:04:17,391 --> 00:04:19,061
People don't need to know
who's boning who.
118
00:04:19,092 --> 00:04:20,362
- Yeah.
119
00:04:20,394 --> 00:04:22,404
Do you wanna hear my lawyer?
- Mm-mm.
120
00:04:22,430 --> 00:04:25,600
- "Objection, your honor,
he's harassing the witness!"
121
00:04:25,633 --> 00:04:28,773
"Oh, that's not a judge,
that's a bomb."
122
00:04:28,802 --> 00:04:32,872
- It must be so rewarding
to be a nurse.
123
00:04:32,906 --> 00:04:35,506
Well, except when patients die.
124
00:04:35,543 --> 00:04:37,753
That must be a real kick
in the shins, huh?
125
00:04:37,778 --> 00:04:38,548
- Uh-huh.
126
00:04:38,579 --> 00:04:40,749
- How many people
have you seen die?
127
00:04:40,781 --> 00:04:41,851
I've seen, like, seven,
128
00:04:41,882 --> 00:04:44,492
but I'm not sure it counts,
'cause it was all at once.
129
00:04:44,518 --> 00:04:45,788
- Hey, uh, Glenn?
- Hm?
130
00:04:45,819 --> 00:04:48,659
Jonah, I'm talking medicine
to this nurse.
131
00:04:48,689 --> 00:04:49,789
Oh, I'm sorry,
is that offensive?
132
00:04:49,823 --> 00:04:51,533
Do we say doctor now?
133
00:04:51,559 --> 00:04:52,689
- Only to doctors.
134
00:04:52,726 --> 00:04:54,596
- Hey, where should
I put these cups?
135
00:04:54,628 --> 00:04:56,458
- Put them over there
with the rest of them.
136
00:04:56,497 --> 00:04:58,867
I set up a little juice station
at the entrance--
137
00:04:58,899 --> 00:05:02,539
sort of a healthy treat
to get people in the mood.
138
00:05:02,570 --> 00:05:05,770
- You know, uh, juice actually
isn't that healthy.
139
00:05:05,806 --> 00:05:08,536
- Juice?
It's from fruit.
140
00:05:08,576 --> 00:05:10,876
It's like the healthiest
stuff on the planet.
141
00:05:10,911 --> 00:05:11,681
- He's right.
142
00:05:11,712 --> 00:05:14,382
Fruit juice is
loaded with sugar.
143
00:05:14,415 --> 00:05:16,345
- Oh, good to know.
144
00:05:16,384 --> 00:05:19,824
I guess Jonah's right,
and I'm something else.
145
00:05:19,853 --> 00:05:22,693
- Hey, uh, did you see
that documentary "Fed Up"?
146
00:05:22,723 --> 00:05:24,093
- Oh, with Katie Couric?
- Yeah.
147
00:05:24,124 --> 00:05:26,094
- Loved it.
Did you see "Fork over Knife"?
148
00:05:26,126 --> 00:05:28,456
- Oh, my God.
I--I was devastated by it.
149
00:05:28,496 --> 00:05:31,096
- Did you guys see
"Babe 2: Pig in the City"?
150
00:05:31,131 --> 00:05:33,931
I seem to have wound up with
two copies at my house.
151
00:05:35,703 --> 00:05:39,573
- I picked you up some samples.
152
00:05:39,607 --> 00:05:41,107
- There's like
50 condoms in here.
153
00:05:41,141 --> 00:05:43,541
- Show some gratitude.
They're for your penis.
154
00:05:43,577 --> 00:05:45,447
- Thank you?
- You're welcome.
155
00:05:45,479 --> 00:05:46,449
Now did Amy say
anything to you
156
00:05:46,480 --> 00:05:47,680
about what she was
doing yesterday?
157
00:05:47,715 --> 00:05:49,415
- No.
- Would you tell me if she did?
158
00:05:49,450 --> 00:05:51,650
- No.
- You don't deserve these.
159
00:05:51,685 --> 00:05:54,715
- Okay, fine,
I don't like condoms anyway.
160
00:05:54,755 --> 00:05:56,715
- Well played.
Now I call first dibs,
161
00:05:56,757 --> 00:05:58,787
but you can use those
with whoever you want--
162
00:05:58,826 --> 00:06:01,126
I mean, me,
someone else, solo work.
163
00:06:01,161 --> 00:06:02,761
- Solo work?
164
00:06:02,796 --> 00:06:04,626
- So according to
your wellness chart,
165
00:06:04,665 --> 00:06:07,535
you should shave that mustache.
166
00:06:07,568 --> 00:06:10,668
- Can I see that?
- Shave it.
167
00:06:10,704 --> 00:06:12,414
You'll thank me later.
168
00:06:12,440 --> 00:06:15,640
- Hey! What up, my--hm--Mateo?
169
00:06:15,676 --> 00:06:17,906
- Okay?
- How's it hanging?
170
00:06:17,945 --> 00:06:19,905
Who you seeing?
- Oh, God.
171
00:06:19,947 --> 00:06:21,717
Okay, can you please stop
trying to set me up
172
00:06:21,749 --> 00:06:23,719
with your brother? Okay?
No offense,
173
00:06:23,751 --> 00:06:25,721
maybe he just doesn't
photograph well.
174
00:06:25,753 --> 00:06:27,193
- Okay, look, I saw you
at the movie theater
175
00:06:27,220 --> 00:06:29,490
yesterday with Jeff.
176
00:06:29,523 --> 00:06:31,163
- [clears throat]
177
00:06:31,191 --> 00:06:33,531
Can we please not
talk about this here?
178
00:06:33,561 --> 00:06:35,661
- Talk about what, Mateo?
The fact that I saw you
179
00:06:35,696 --> 00:06:37,596
making out with
Sandra's boyfriend?
180
00:06:37,631 --> 00:06:38,831
- [shushes]
Okay.
181
00:06:38,866 --> 00:06:41,636
He's not her boyfriend.
He's my boyfriend.
182
00:06:41,669 --> 00:06:42,639
- What?
- I've been seeing him
183
00:06:42,670 --> 00:06:44,740
since October.
- That doesn't make any sense.
184
00:06:44,772 --> 00:06:47,742
No, you haven't.
- [sighs]
185
00:06:47,775 --> 00:06:48,935
That's us on a picnic.
186
00:06:48,976 --> 00:06:50,876
That's us at the pool
in his hotel.
187
00:06:50,911 --> 00:06:52,711
That's us as Nick Nolte
and Barbara Streisand
188
00:06:52,746 --> 00:06:55,016
in "Prince of Tides."
189
00:06:55,048 --> 00:06:57,848
- [stammers]
What about Sandra?
190
00:06:57,885 --> 00:06:59,485
- She's just been saying
she's dating him
191
00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:00,690
to get attention.
192
00:07:00,721 --> 00:07:02,921
- Oh, my God.
That is--
193
00:07:02,956 --> 00:07:04,786
That is so--
- Smart.
194
00:07:04,825 --> 00:07:05,885
- Sad.
195
00:07:05,926 --> 00:07:08,456
- Sad. Yes.
196
00:07:08,496 --> 00:07:11,796
Well, could you just please not
say anything to anyone?
197
00:07:11,832 --> 00:07:13,672
It wouldn't be good
if this got out.
198
00:07:13,701 --> 00:07:15,801
- No--yeah, obviously.
199
00:07:15,836 --> 00:07:16,596
- I wonder if they'll last,
200
00:07:16,637 --> 00:07:18,207
because of
the huge age difference,
201
00:07:18,238 --> 00:07:19,668
but I'm really excited.
202
00:07:19,707 --> 00:07:21,577
Hey, Ames, guess what?
- Huh?
203
00:07:21,609 --> 00:07:24,909
- Jeff's banging Mateo,
and Sandra's insane.
204
00:07:24,945 --> 00:07:26,705
Don't tell anyone though.
205
00:07:31,952 --> 00:07:32,122
.
206
00:07:32,152 --> 00:07:34,662
[lounging music]
207
00:07:34,688 --> 00:07:35,718
- So neither one of you
thought it was worth mentioning
208
00:07:36,657 --> 00:07:38,827
that Sandra's been
making it up the whole time?
209
00:07:38,859 --> 00:07:40,659
- Maybe it'll be good
for everyone to know.
210
00:07:40,694 --> 00:07:42,834
Maybe Sandra will be happy.
211
00:07:42,863 --> 00:07:44,903
- Yeah, 'cause that's usually
why people with low self-esteem
212
00:07:44,932 --> 00:07:46,832
commit to elaborate lies
for weeks--
213
00:07:46,867 --> 00:07:48,037
'cause they just want
the truth to come out.
214
00:07:48,068 --> 00:07:49,898
- Okay, I can fix this.
I just need to gather
215
00:07:49,937 --> 00:07:51,837
everybody who knows,
and then tell them.
216
00:07:51,872 --> 00:07:53,812
- Why aren't you
listening to me?
217
00:07:53,841 --> 00:07:55,181
Just do nothing.
218
00:07:55,208 --> 00:07:57,708
It is the easiest
advice to take.
219
00:07:57,745 --> 00:07:59,945
I do it,
and I am thriving.
220
00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:02,920
- Man, that is true.
He's killing it.
221
00:08:02,950 --> 00:08:03,850
- Killing it.
222
00:08:03,884 --> 00:08:07,024
["Friday I'm in Love"
by The Cure plays]
223
00:08:07,054 --> 00:08:08,724
*
224
00:08:08,756 --> 00:08:11,926
- * I don't care
if Monday's blue *
225
00:08:11,959 --> 00:08:15,899
* Tuesday's gray
and Wednesday too *
226
00:08:29,009 --> 00:08:31,039
- Hey, Glenn, you want
a little help with that?
227
00:08:31,078 --> 00:08:32,748
Those things can be tricky.
228
00:08:32,780 --> 00:08:34,880
- It's okay, I know
how to ride a bike.
229
00:08:34,915 --> 00:08:36,915
I've been doing it
since I was 19.
230
00:08:36,950 --> 00:08:39,020
- Oh, all right.
231
00:08:39,052 --> 00:08:41,992
Yeah, you know what, I--
these things are ridiculous.
232
00:08:42,022 --> 00:08:44,122
How 'bout I just help ya
maybe adjust some of the--
233
00:08:44,157 --> 00:08:45,927
- You know what?
Why don't you just adjust
234
00:08:45,959 --> 00:08:48,759
your mouth to closed?
Okay, buddy?
235
00:08:48,796 --> 00:08:52,166
I mean, what are you?
The president of bikes?
236
00:08:52,199 --> 00:08:55,939
- You--are you okay? Glenn?
237
00:08:55,969 --> 00:08:56,939
Are you okay?
238
00:09:00,007 --> 00:09:03,037
- Glenn?
- [strained] I'm okay.
239
00:09:05,212 --> 00:09:06,952
- Hey.
Did Amy say anything to you
240
00:09:06,980 --> 00:09:08,680
about where she was yesterday?
241
00:09:08,716 --> 00:09:10,946
- Uh, what?
Uh, no, why? [laughs]
242
00:09:10,984 --> 00:09:12,994
Um...I don't know, you know.
243
00:09:13,020 --> 00:09:15,220
She's always yap-yapping
about something.
244
00:09:15,255 --> 00:09:16,985
- You know, something
suspicious is going on.
245
00:09:17,024 --> 00:09:19,934
What she described
to me yesterday...
246
00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:23,230
I just can't even figure out
the mechanics of it.
247
00:09:23,263 --> 00:09:25,873
- Huh...
248
00:09:25,899 --> 00:09:26,699
- Attention, shoppers,
249
00:09:26,734 --> 00:09:29,274
Cloud 9 is not offering
breast exams
250
00:09:29,302 --> 00:09:31,072
as part of our Wellness Fair.
251
00:09:31,104 --> 00:09:33,174
We have not hired
someone to do that,
252
00:09:33,206 --> 00:09:36,236
and if we had,
it would not be a teenage boy
253
00:09:36,276 --> 00:09:39,206
in a Twenty One Pilots T-shirt.
Shop safe.
254
00:09:39,246 --> 00:09:41,306
- [stammers] These are slippery
little things, aren't they?
255
00:09:41,348 --> 00:09:42,978
- Yeah, well, it's tough.
You--you know what,
256
00:09:43,016 --> 00:09:43,976
let me--let me just
go ahead and help ya.
257
00:09:44,017 --> 00:09:45,917
- No, but that's what I'm doing.
I'm a grownup.
258
00:09:45,953 --> 00:09:47,793
- Yeah, no, it's--it's fine.
I'm gonna take your foot,
259
00:09:47,821 --> 00:09:49,961
and I'm gonna just
slide it into the cage, okay?
260
00:09:49,990 --> 00:09:51,890
Just--just gonna slide it in.
261
00:09:51,925 --> 00:09:53,985
- That's the voice you use
with confused seniors.
262
00:09:54,027 --> 00:09:55,857
Don't do that.
- No, that's--I'm not doing--
263
00:09:55,896 --> 00:09:57,866
This is just the way I talk.
- Fine, you can do that foot.
264
00:09:57,898 --> 00:09:59,128
I'll work on this one, okay?
- No, Glenn, that's--
265
00:09:59,166 --> 00:10:00,966
That's not how a bike works.
- No!
266
00:10:01,001 --> 00:10:03,141
- You must know that.
- They're not related.
267
00:10:03,170 --> 00:10:04,710
Left, right.
- No--
268
00:10:04,738 --> 00:10:07,938
- So she just invented
the entire relationship?
269
00:10:07,975 --> 00:10:09,075
- She's a maniac.
270
00:10:09,109 --> 00:10:11,879
- Ew, I just realized
that pair of Jeff's underwear
271
00:10:11,912 --> 00:10:14,752
that she showed me
probably weren't even Jeff's.
272
00:10:14,782 --> 00:10:15,952
That's so gross.
273
00:10:15,983 --> 00:10:18,353
- She's definitely
out of wine club.
274
00:10:18,385 --> 00:10:20,215
- Wait, you guys have
a wine club?
275
00:10:20,253 --> 00:10:22,123
- Yeah, we're trying to
keep it small.
276
00:10:22,155 --> 00:10:24,985
- Look, this really is
none of your business, you know.
277
00:10:25,025 --> 00:10:26,025
You--you don't even know
the whole story.
278
00:10:26,059 --> 00:10:27,129
It you knew the whole story,
279
00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:28,860
you wouldn't think
she was a maniac.
280
00:10:28,896 --> 00:10:31,126
- What's the whole story?
281
00:10:31,164 --> 00:10:32,904
- [mutters]
Don't do it.
282
00:10:32,933 --> 00:10:37,843
- The whole story is that
she did date Jeff.
283
00:10:37,871 --> 00:10:40,011
It was very intense,
and then they broke up.
284
00:10:40,040 --> 00:10:43,080
- Yup, they broke up.
It happened on a Tuesday.
285
00:10:43,110 --> 00:10:45,910
- See? Confirmation.
- So she got dumped,
286
00:10:45,946 --> 00:10:48,016
but then lied and told everyone
they were still dating?
287
00:10:48,048 --> 00:10:50,748
Why would she do that?
- 'Cause she's a maniac.
288
00:10:50,784 --> 00:10:52,394
- No. [sighs]
That is a good question,
289
00:10:52,419 --> 00:10:54,289
and we asked her that question,
290
00:10:54,321 --> 00:10:57,021
and what she said
made a lot of sense.
291
00:10:57,057 --> 00:11:00,287
She told us that...
292
00:11:00,327 --> 00:11:02,257
- She's pregnant.
293
00:11:02,295 --> 00:11:03,895
- [aghast laugh]
- And the raptors
294
00:11:03,931 --> 00:11:04,971
have breached the fence.
295
00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:06,328
- She's pregnant?
- Yes!
296
00:11:06,366 --> 00:11:07,996
- Who's pregnant?
- Nobody.
297
00:11:08,035 --> 00:11:09,895
- The maniac.
- Sandra.
298
00:11:09,937 --> 00:11:12,907
- Sandra? That is wonderful.
299
00:11:12,940 --> 00:11:14,310
- I knew it.
You can tell by the glow.
300
00:11:14,341 --> 00:11:15,311
I always know.
- [laughs]
301
00:11:15,342 --> 00:11:16,982
- I'm gonna go congratulate her.
- No, no, Glenn,
302
00:11:17,010 --> 00:11:19,010
uh, she doesn't want
anybody to know yet,
303
00:11:19,046 --> 00:11:21,246
so we can't mention it to her.
- Yeah, we should probably wait
304
00:11:21,281 --> 00:11:22,921
'til she inevitably
starts showing.
305
00:11:22,950 --> 00:11:25,820
- Oh! We could plan
a baby shower.
306
00:11:25,853 --> 00:11:28,023
And what if the theme
was babies?
307
00:11:28,055 --> 00:11:29,855
Or manufacturing?
308
00:11:29,890 --> 00:11:31,160
- Oh, I know.
"Breaking Bad."
309
00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:32,361
- "Arabian Nights."
310
00:11:32,392 --> 00:11:33,962
- No one likes "Arabian Nights"!
311
00:11:33,994 --> 00:11:35,234
- Okay, no baby shower, guys.
312
00:11:35,262 --> 00:11:36,902
You're making
a big deal out of this,
313
00:11:36,930 --> 00:11:38,330
and she doesn't even know
if she's gonna keep it.
314
00:11:38,365 --> 00:11:39,365
[all gasp]
315
00:11:39,399 --> 00:11:41,069
- What?
- Ooh.
316
00:11:41,101 --> 00:11:42,941
- No, you don't mean
she's gonna--
317
00:11:42,970 --> 00:11:43,800
- Uh-huh.
318
00:11:43,837 --> 00:11:46,937
Yeah, she might
do it on a Wednesday.
319
00:11:51,845 --> 00:11:52,005
.
320
00:11:52,045 --> 00:11:52,545
- Look at this.
[laughs]
321
00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:55,280
Oh!
[murmurs excitedly]
322
00:11:55,315 --> 00:11:58,085
Oh! Bear-bear.
323
00:11:58,118 --> 00:12:01,188
You know, sometimes
I like to walk around the store,
324
00:12:01,221 --> 00:12:05,191
and just think of all the things
that make life wonderful.
325
00:12:05,225 --> 00:12:07,825
You know, like, um, rivers
326
00:12:07,861 --> 00:12:13,471
and lunch and soccer and...
327
00:12:13,500 --> 00:12:15,100
Crime? No, not crime.
328
00:12:15,135 --> 00:12:19,265
Uh, streams!
Well, that's a cousin of rivers.
329
00:12:19,306 --> 00:12:22,136
And babies.
I love babies.
330
00:12:22,175 --> 00:12:24,135
- Horses?
- Sure, horses,
331
00:12:24,177 --> 00:12:28,947
but what about babies?
- Yeah. Babies are cute.
332
00:12:28,982 --> 00:12:32,252
- You'd make a great mommy.
333
00:12:32,285 --> 00:12:35,085
- Thanks?
- Okay.
334
00:12:35,122 --> 00:12:37,792
Let's keep walking.
335
00:12:37,825 --> 00:12:39,555
Hey, what do you think
336
00:12:39,592 --> 00:12:43,832
is the worst Supreme Court
decision of all time?
337
00:12:43,864 --> 00:12:45,974
- Maybe Glenn will just
not say anything.
338
00:12:45,999 --> 00:12:47,329
- Hey, guys, did you hear?
339
00:12:47,367 --> 00:12:49,967
Sandra's pregnant
with my boyfriend's baby.
340
00:12:50,003 --> 00:12:51,813
- Oh, yeah,
there's a card going around.
341
00:12:51,839 --> 00:12:54,269
- [sighs] This is why people
don't tell you things.
342
00:12:54,307 --> 00:12:56,007
- I'm gonna fix it.
343
00:12:56,043 --> 00:12:57,543
[stammers] Look, we could--
344
00:12:57,577 --> 00:12:59,977
we could say that it was
a phantom pregnancy.
345
00:13:00,013 --> 00:13:02,153
I've heard of that.
- Sandra, this must be
346
00:13:02,182 --> 00:13:04,952
a giant surprise for you.
Love, Garrett.
347
00:13:04,985 --> 00:13:08,815
- Okay, what if we say
that Jeff has a twin brother,
348
00:13:08,856 --> 00:13:10,986
and Sandra has been dating him?
349
00:13:11,024 --> 00:13:14,904
- So the Jeff that Sandra's
been talking about
350
00:13:14,928 --> 00:13:17,968
is Jeff's twin brother, Jeff?
351
00:13:17,998 --> 00:13:20,198
- Yes.
- Oh, that sounds real.
352
00:13:20,233 --> 00:13:22,143
- Well, at least
she's thinking of things.
353
00:13:22,169 --> 00:13:24,269
- You guys are idiots.
354
00:13:24,304 --> 00:13:26,274
- Hey, you wanna donate
to a good cause?
355
00:13:26,306 --> 00:13:28,876
- I already told you, I'm not
paying to get you veneers.
356
00:13:28,909 --> 00:13:31,039
- Nah, it's for
Sandra's baby shower,
357
00:13:31,078 --> 00:13:32,378
assuming she keeps it.
358
00:13:32,412 --> 00:13:34,612
- Wait, Sandra's pregnant?
359
00:13:34,647 --> 00:13:38,017
- Yeah, Jeff knocked her up,
then dumped her for Mateo.
360
00:13:38,051 --> 00:13:39,291
- Really?
- Yeah.
361
00:13:39,319 --> 00:13:41,149
- Wow, I can't believe it.
362
00:13:41,188 --> 00:13:44,118
- Man, I wish I had the stones
to go both ways.
363
00:13:44,157 --> 00:13:45,627
Can you imagine?
364
00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:49,598
Two dudes--
all gas, no brakes.
365
00:13:49,629 --> 00:13:51,359
- Yeah, totally.
366
00:13:51,398 --> 00:13:56,038
- But now imagine taking
this perfect little treasure,
367
00:13:56,069 --> 00:13:58,869
and throwing it in the garbage.
368
00:13:58,906 --> 00:14:00,036
- Mm, mm-mm.
Mm-mm.
369
00:14:00,073 --> 00:14:01,913
Hey, hey, hey.
How are we doing?
370
00:14:01,942 --> 00:14:03,212
What's going on?
What are we talking about?
371
00:14:03,243 --> 00:14:04,913
- Nothing. Why don't you mind
your own business?
372
00:14:04,945 --> 00:14:07,045
- Oh, you know what, I will
mind my own business, Glenn,
373
00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:09,920
as long as you don't mind
Sandra's right to choose
374
00:14:09,950 --> 00:14:12,590
what she does
with her body, right?
375
00:14:12,619 --> 00:14:16,059
- I was thinking about getting
all the tattoos from "Moana."
376
00:14:16,089 --> 00:14:20,189
- And I support that decision,
because it's your choice.
377
00:14:20,227 --> 00:14:22,957
- Jonah, you might be
book smart and bike smart,
378
00:14:22,996 --> 00:14:25,396
but you don't get to be
right about everything.
379
00:14:25,432 --> 00:14:26,672
- Well, in this
particular situation,
380
00:14:26,699 --> 00:14:27,829
I think I am right, Glenn.
381
00:14:27,867 --> 00:14:30,637
- Oh, really? That--there's
a refreshing change of pace.
382
00:14:30,670 --> 00:14:32,940
- Yeah.
- Well, the important thing is
383
00:14:32,973 --> 00:14:34,073
it all worked out horribly.
- You were making up
384
00:14:34,107 --> 00:14:36,207
a hypothetical situation about
a baby in a garbage can.
385
00:14:36,243 --> 00:14:38,383
- * I will buy you
that big house *
386
00:14:38,411 --> 00:14:41,211
* Way up in the west hills
387
00:14:41,248 --> 00:14:44,218
* I will buy you a new life
388
00:14:44,251 --> 00:14:45,051
- If it was up to you,
389
00:14:45,085 --> 00:14:46,445
we'd still be living
in the Stone Ages.
390
00:14:46,486 --> 00:14:48,216
- Oh, really?
Well, if it was up to you,
391
00:14:48,255 --> 00:14:50,455
they'd be selling abortions
from vending machines.
392
00:14:50,490 --> 00:14:51,990
- Guys, guys, guys,
393
00:14:52,025 --> 00:14:53,355
maybe let's not have
this conversation
394
00:14:53,393 --> 00:14:55,633
out here on the floor.
- Jonah, you have no idea
395
00:14:55,662 --> 00:14:58,072
the toll that an abortion
takes on a woman's body.
396
00:14:58,098 --> 00:15:00,428
- Oh, and childbirth
is so easy.
397
00:15:00,467 --> 00:15:01,497
- Well, at least it's n--
- Okay, ah, pretty sure
398
00:15:01,534 --> 00:15:03,944
neither one of you guys--
- You know what, Glenn?
399
00:15:03,971 --> 00:15:05,711
This is what a feminist
looks like.
400
00:15:05,738 --> 00:15:08,978
- I'm a feminist!
I'm a big flaming feminist.
401
00:15:09,009 --> 00:15:13,249
- And that is our skit
on the abortion debate.
402
00:15:13,280 --> 00:15:15,650
We hope you enjoyed it.
- I can't--
403
00:15:15,682 --> 00:15:18,652
Why doesn't he listen?
404
00:15:18,685 --> 00:15:19,585
- Glenn?
- Are you okay?
405
00:15:19,619 --> 00:15:22,159
- Oh, I feel very dizzy.
- Oh--no, no, no.
406
00:15:22,189 --> 00:15:24,159
- Can we get a doctor?
Where's that nurse?
407
00:15:24,191 --> 00:15:25,331
- Here just--
- [groans]
408
00:15:25,358 --> 00:15:26,358
- One day, totally fine.
409
00:15:26,393 --> 00:15:29,403
Next day, so sick
she couldn't possibly work.
410
00:15:29,429 --> 00:15:32,069
Day after that, fine again.
411
00:15:32,099 --> 00:15:35,139
- It could be lupus,
Crohn's disease, a parasite.
412
00:15:35,168 --> 00:15:37,438
Honestly, I would need
a stool sample.
413
00:15:37,470 --> 00:15:38,710
- I can get one.
414
00:15:38,738 --> 00:15:40,738
- Okay, Glenn.
Glenn?
415
00:15:40,773 --> 00:15:41,813
I need you to hold
your hand like this,
416
00:15:41,841 --> 00:15:44,341
and breathe through
alternating nostrils, okay?
417
00:15:44,377 --> 00:15:45,277
- Wow, how do you know
how to do that?
418
00:15:45,312 --> 00:15:47,982
- The Red Cross.
I helped earthquake-proof
419
00:15:48,015 --> 00:15:50,115
a hospital in Haiti.
- Well, bravo, it didn't work.
420
00:15:50,150 --> 00:15:53,090
- No, it was after the--
for the next one.
421
00:15:53,120 --> 00:15:56,160
You'll see.
I mean, I hope you don't see.
422
00:15:56,189 --> 00:15:57,319
I'm just gonna
loosen your tie right here.
423
00:15:57,357 --> 00:15:59,727
- No, stop telling me
what to do!
424
00:15:59,759 --> 00:16:01,259
- Glenn, you need to do
what he's telling you.
425
00:16:01,294 --> 00:16:03,034
- No, I don't.
He's stupid!
426
00:16:03,063 --> 00:16:04,763
- Glenn...
- I'm gonna tighten my tie.
427
00:16:04,797 --> 00:16:07,197
- Okay.
How's that working out for ya?
428
00:16:11,571 --> 00:16:12,071
.
429
00:16:12,105 --> 00:16:12,805
- It was just low blood sugar.
430
00:16:13,806 --> 00:16:15,506
I shouldn't have tried to
quit drinking juice
431
00:16:15,542 --> 00:16:18,012
cold turkey like that.
432
00:16:18,045 --> 00:16:20,245
- Great, okay, uh, also,
we have checked.
433
00:16:20,280 --> 00:16:22,250
We don't seem to have
any training videos
434
00:16:22,282 --> 00:16:24,282
about not discussing
abortion at work,
435
00:16:24,317 --> 00:16:26,717
because we just thought
it was so obvious,
436
00:16:26,753 --> 00:16:30,293
but you guys managed
to surprise us, so good job.
437
00:16:30,323 --> 00:16:31,763
- Whoo!
- Don't lecture us
438
00:16:31,791 --> 00:16:33,731
on being responsible
when we all know
439
00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:35,500
what you did to Sandra.
440
00:16:35,528 --> 00:16:37,058
- Sandra--who's Sandra?
441
00:16:37,097 --> 00:16:38,197
[all gasp]
- What?
442
00:16:38,231 --> 00:16:39,731
- Who's Sandra?
443
00:16:39,766 --> 00:16:43,166
Just the woman who's pregnant
with your bi-racial child.
444
00:16:43,203 --> 00:16:45,273
- In his defense, Sandra is
extremely forgettable.
445
00:16:45,305 --> 00:16:47,335
Remember when we left her at
Dave & Buster's on her birthday?
446
00:16:47,374 --> 00:16:49,444
all: Yeah.
- I'm not pregnant.
447
00:16:49,476 --> 00:16:50,506
- What?
[all gasp]
448
00:16:50,543 --> 00:16:52,813
- Oh, God, am I too late?
- What?
449
00:16:52,845 --> 00:16:54,445
- I'm very confused.
450
00:16:54,481 --> 00:16:56,351
- Wait, so you didn't
knock her up?
451
00:16:56,383 --> 00:16:58,753
- No, I'm gay.
[all gasp]
452
00:16:58,785 --> 00:17:02,555
- Oh, yeah, right, you're gay,
and I'm Lorenzo Lamas.
453
00:17:02,589 --> 00:17:05,389
- Well, I am.
I'm gay.
454
00:17:05,425 --> 00:17:07,825
- But you're so...blah.
455
00:17:07,860 --> 00:17:09,530
- Well, wait,
then who's dating Sandra?
456
00:17:09,562 --> 00:17:11,762
- I made it up.
[all gasp]
457
00:17:11,798 --> 00:17:13,068
I haven't been dating anyone.
458
00:17:13,100 --> 00:17:15,770
- I mean, nothing here
pops at all.
459
00:17:15,802 --> 00:17:17,372
- Why would you make
something like that up?
460
00:17:17,404 --> 00:17:19,344
- 'Cause she's a maniac.
461
00:17:19,372 --> 00:17:21,442
- At first it was
a misunderstanding,
462
00:17:21,474 --> 00:17:24,314
and then I just started
liking the attention.
463
00:17:24,344 --> 00:17:27,384
- For the first time in my life,
I was a star.
464
00:17:27,414 --> 00:17:28,484
- I'm the one
who's been dating Jeff.
465
00:17:28,515 --> 00:17:30,175
[all gasp]
Okay, the whole time--
466
00:17:30,217 --> 00:17:31,577
me-me-me-me-me.
- Um...
467
00:17:31,618 --> 00:17:33,788
We were keeping that between us.
468
00:17:33,820 --> 00:17:36,220
- I just don't get it.
469
00:17:36,256 --> 00:17:39,456
If you can be gay,
that means anyone can be gay.
470
00:17:39,492 --> 00:17:41,832
- Okay, well, you know,
cat's out of the bag.
471
00:17:41,861 --> 00:17:43,561
Me and Jeff.
[giggles]
472
00:17:43,596 --> 00:17:45,096
Does anybody have any questions?
473
00:17:45,132 --> 00:17:47,132
- Can we please keep this
in this room?
474
00:17:47,167 --> 00:17:49,497
I'm not supposed to be dating
anybody from one of the stores.
475
00:17:49,536 --> 00:17:51,366
- But casual sex is okay, right?
476
00:17:51,404 --> 00:17:53,344
'Cause I've been banging Garrett
on and off for a while now.
477
00:17:53,373 --> 00:17:54,473
[all gasp]
- What?
478
00:17:54,507 --> 00:17:57,277
- Uh, that is correct.
479
00:17:57,310 --> 00:17:59,180
- Whoa!
- Really?
480
00:17:59,212 --> 00:18:00,782
- And you--you didn't tell me?
481
00:18:00,813 --> 00:18:02,483
- I'm sorry, it just--
we haven't told anybody.
482
00:18:02,515 --> 00:18:04,115
- It's fine, I don't--
I don't care.
483
00:18:04,151 --> 00:18:06,351
- What has happened
to this store?
484
00:18:06,386 --> 00:18:08,116
- Me.
I happened.
485
00:18:08,155 --> 00:18:09,485
This is me.
This is my fault.
486
00:18:09,522 --> 00:18:11,392
I opened the cage,
or whatever.
487
00:18:11,424 --> 00:18:12,564
I've never seen "Jurassic Park."
488
00:18:12,592 --> 00:18:14,632
[all gasp]
- What?
489
00:18:14,661 --> 00:18:17,361
- Okay, that is not what we're
dealing with right now.
490
00:18:17,397 --> 00:18:19,197
Look, I should not have
gotten involved.
491
00:18:19,232 --> 00:18:21,472
Sandra, I'm really sorry.
492
00:18:21,501 --> 00:18:23,641
- No, I feel great.
493
00:18:23,670 --> 00:18:25,540
No more lies.
No more credit card debt
494
00:18:25,572 --> 00:18:28,182
from buying myself flowers.
495
00:18:28,208 --> 00:18:30,278
I can cancel
the horse-drawn carriage.
496
00:18:30,310 --> 00:18:31,280
- I almost told you
a couple times.
497
00:18:31,311 --> 00:18:32,611
- I said it's fine.
498
00:18:33,680 --> 00:18:36,480
- * Life is a highway
499
00:18:36,516 --> 00:18:39,346
* I wanna ride it
all night long *
500
00:18:40,587 --> 00:18:42,587
- Sorry, I just got excited
to finally tell people.
501
00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:43,892
- [whispering]
No, it's okay.
502
00:18:43,923 --> 00:18:45,533
I'm--I'm glad
it's finally public.
503
00:18:45,558 --> 00:18:48,328
- [whispers]
Okay.
504
00:18:48,361 --> 00:18:49,601
Why are we in here?
505
00:18:49,629 --> 00:18:51,429
- [whispers]
I don't know.
506
00:18:51,464 --> 00:18:53,404
- [whispers]
Why are you whispering?
507
00:18:53,433 --> 00:18:54,603
- I don't know.
508
00:18:54,634 --> 00:18:57,674
[upbeat music]
509
00:18:57,704 --> 00:18:59,914
*
510
00:18:59,939 --> 00:19:02,639
- * So sophisticated
I'm such a zero *
511
00:19:02,675 --> 00:19:03,875
- He's my boyfriend!
512
00:19:05,645 --> 00:19:08,615
- So that's why
you didn't want me
513
00:19:08,648 --> 00:19:10,948
talking about
people's love lives--
514
00:19:10,983 --> 00:19:14,223
because you had a little
secret of your own.
515
00:19:14,254 --> 00:19:15,094
- Okay.
516
00:19:15,121 --> 00:19:17,521
- Are we gonna get
a destination wedding?
517
00:19:17,557 --> 00:19:19,687
Like, how many cute little
518
00:19:19,726 --> 00:19:21,586
Garrett-Dina babies
are you gonna have?
519
00:19:21,628 --> 00:19:23,458
- [giggles]
- Garrett Junior?
520
00:19:23,496 --> 00:19:27,866
- Hey, Dina, Amy went to go see
"Lego Batman" yesterday.
521
00:19:27,900 --> 00:19:29,570
- I'm gonna have to
call you back.
522
00:19:34,607 --> 00:19:37,937
What in the name of God
is "Lego Batman"?
523
00:19:40,247 --> 00:19:43,517
- Wow, you're smoking now?
524
00:19:43,550 --> 00:19:45,990
- No, I'm just holding it.
525
00:19:46,018 --> 00:19:47,618
- Ah.
- But I might as well start,
526
00:19:47,654 --> 00:19:50,424
since everything
I thought I knew was wrong.
527
00:19:50,457 --> 00:19:51,617
In five years,
they'll probably say
528
00:19:51,658 --> 00:19:54,258
smoking's good for you.
- Oh, no-no-no,
529
00:19:54,294 --> 00:19:57,304
decades of research and--
530
00:19:57,330 --> 00:20:00,530
You know what?
You might be right.
531
00:20:00,567 --> 00:20:03,567
Nobody really knows anything.
532
00:20:05,672 --> 00:20:07,272
You mind if I, uh...
533
00:20:11,544 --> 00:20:13,384
- [inhales]
534
00:20:13,413 --> 00:20:14,713
- It's nice.
535
00:20:14,747 --> 00:20:17,377
- You look really cool
right now.
536
00:20:17,417 --> 00:20:20,417
- Yeah?
537
00:20:20,453 --> 00:20:22,693
- I'm sorry about
everything earlier.
538
00:20:22,722 --> 00:20:24,592
I've been off today.
539
00:20:24,624 --> 00:20:27,034
Going from two gallons
of juice a day to nothing
540
00:20:27,059 --> 00:20:29,599
has been messing
with my head.
541
00:20:29,629 --> 00:20:31,659
- Yeah, I get it.
542
00:20:31,698 --> 00:20:33,428
I'm sorry too.
543
00:20:35,502 --> 00:20:36,572
- I just get sensitive,
544
00:20:36,603 --> 00:20:38,613
because sometimes I think
you're smarter than me.
545
00:20:38,638 --> 00:20:40,708
- Oh, Glenn, come on, that's--
546
00:20:40,740 --> 00:20:42,640
- I know, it's silly.
547
00:20:42,675 --> 00:20:46,705
You're probably always thinking
how much smarter I am than you.
548
00:20:48,515 --> 00:20:49,575
- Yuh-huh.
549
00:20:55,722 --> 00:20:57,592
- Hear ye! Hear ye!
550
00:20:57,624 --> 00:21:00,034
I've come to deliver
the fair maiden Sandra
551
00:21:00,059 --> 00:21:01,559
to good King Jeff.
552
00:21:01,594 --> 00:21:03,434
- Right here.
553
00:21:03,463 --> 00:21:06,703
Couldn't get my deposit back.
See you tomorrow.
554
00:21:06,733 --> 00:21:08,743
- My lady.
- Thank you.
555
00:21:12,071 --> 00:21:14,741
Will you take me to the frozen
custard place at the mall?
40866
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