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1
00:00:01,069 --> 00:00:01,199
.
2
00:00:02,136 --> 00:00:02,796
- Would you just listen?
- No.
3
00:00:02,836 --> 00:00:03,596
- Yes!
- No!
4
00:00:03,637 --> 00:00:05,337
- If we line up
the voters this way,
5
00:00:05,373 --> 00:00:08,143
they'll be shuttled
towards the impulse buys.
6
00:00:08,176 --> 00:00:10,276
- There are going to be millions
of new customers in here,
7
00:00:10,311 --> 00:00:11,811
and you're focused
on the chewing gum?
8
00:00:11,845 --> 00:00:13,505
Why not funnel them towards,
I don't know,
9
00:00:13,547 --> 00:00:14,517
the big-ticket stuff?
10
00:00:14,548 --> 00:00:15,578
Get your head in the game.
11
00:00:15,616 --> 00:00:16,816
- Oh, my head is in the game.
12
00:00:16,850 --> 00:00:19,050
I've been here since 4:00 a.m.
13
00:00:19,087 --> 00:00:20,387
I've already had three meals.
14
00:00:20,421 --> 00:00:22,261
- It's not even 7:00.
That's too many meals.
15
00:00:22,290 --> 00:00:24,330
- It's 7:00.
We should open.
16
00:00:24,358 --> 00:00:25,588
- Good idea.
I'm on it.
17
00:00:25,626 --> 00:00:27,396
Let the democratic process
begin.
18
00:00:27,428 --> 00:00:29,358
- No, I'm in charge.
19
00:00:29,397 --> 00:00:32,367
I get to let the voters in.
20
00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:35,270
Let the democratic process
begin.
21
00:00:35,303 --> 00:00:37,273
- No, you messed it up.
- I know what the code is.
22
00:00:37,305 --> 00:00:38,605
- Yeah, but I already put in
the first three digits.
23
00:00:38,639 --> 00:00:39,809
- Okay, so what's clear?
24
00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:40,840
- That's enter.
You got to go back.
25
00:00:40,874 --> 00:00:42,284
No!
[alarm blaring]
26
00:00:42,310 --> 00:00:44,480
Great. Three wrong codes,
so now we have to wait
27
00:00:44,512 --> 00:00:46,252
five minutes
before we can try again.
28
00:00:46,280 --> 00:00:48,420
- Yeah.
Thanks, Dina.
29
00:00:48,449 --> 00:00:51,419
I'm sorry.
It'll be a few minutes.
30
00:00:52,586 --> 00:00:55,556
[upbeat music]
31
00:00:55,589 --> 00:00:57,489
*
32
00:00:57,525 --> 00:01:00,455
- Attention Cloud 9 shoppers,
Election Day is here,
33
00:01:00,494 --> 00:01:02,164
and we're offering up
big discounts
34
00:01:02,196 --> 00:01:04,096
on all American-made products.
35
00:01:04,132 --> 00:01:06,172
So that's 40% off
your generic medications,
36
00:01:06,200 --> 00:01:09,170
inferior electronics,
and cheese curls.
37
00:01:09,203 --> 00:01:11,443
- What is a comptroller?
38
00:01:11,472 --> 00:01:13,472
- Something to do
with computers, I think.
39
00:01:13,507 --> 00:01:17,277
- Really? Or do those
two words just sound the same?
40
00:01:17,311 --> 00:01:18,881
- They sound the same.
- Yeah.
41
00:01:18,912 --> 00:01:21,382
Doesn't mean
it's not true, though.
42
00:01:21,415 --> 00:01:23,445
- What is this?
43
00:01:23,484 --> 00:01:28,094
- "Official Cloud 9
Election Guide."
44
00:01:29,223 --> 00:01:30,893
- They're trying
to tell us who to vote for!
45
00:01:30,924 --> 00:01:32,394
- I don't know what
you're complaining about.
46
00:01:32,426 --> 00:01:33,386
I love getting mail.
47
00:01:33,427 --> 00:01:35,197
- You don't think
it's a little misleading?
48
00:01:35,229 --> 00:01:36,199
For State Senator:
49
00:01:36,230 --> 00:01:38,270
"Jack Peterson supports
your right to work,"
50
00:01:38,299 --> 00:01:40,669
which is basically just another
way of saying "anti-union."
51
00:01:40,701 --> 00:01:43,601
- Let's not use the U-word.
52
00:01:43,637 --> 00:01:45,607
- While Gary 'Slick' Langham"--
- "Slick."
53
00:01:45,639 --> 00:01:48,679
They're actually using the
nickname his opponent gave him.
54
00:01:48,709 --> 00:01:52,279
- Langham "has never gone on
record as being pro-America."
55
00:01:52,313 --> 00:01:53,653
- What's his problem?
56
00:01:53,681 --> 00:01:55,681
- Glenn,
it just seems really shady.
57
00:01:55,716 --> 00:01:57,616
Are they even allowed
to do this?
58
00:01:57,651 --> 00:01:58,821
- Come on.
59
00:01:58,852 --> 00:02:01,492
It's not like anyone around here
ever reads anything anyway.
60
00:02:01,522 --> 00:02:02,662
- Yeah, we do!
- That's ridiculous.
61
00:02:02,690 --> 00:02:05,160
- Oh? What was
the emergency safety memo
62
00:02:05,193 --> 00:02:06,493
I sent out last week about?
63
00:02:06,527 --> 00:02:08,357
- Um...
- The...
64
00:02:08,396 --> 00:02:10,156
- See?
Relax.
65
00:02:10,198 --> 00:02:11,498
It'll be fine.
66
00:02:11,532 --> 00:02:13,672
By the way, the answer was
the building got an F
67
00:02:13,701 --> 00:02:15,601
in tornado preparedness.
68
00:02:15,636 --> 00:02:19,606
The inspector says
this place is a house of cards.
69
00:02:19,640 --> 00:02:21,480
- Hey. I'm just reminding
everyone to vote.
70
00:02:21,509 --> 00:02:23,579
We want a 100% employee turnout.
71
00:02:23,611 --> 00:02:25,281
A lot of people died
so you could vote.
72
00:02:25,313 --> 00:02:27,323
Also, a lot of horses died.
73
00:02:27,348 --> 00:02:29,178
We always forget
about the horses.
74
00:02:29,217 --> 00:02:30,577
- Oh, I'm not 18 yet.
75
00:02:30,618 --> 00:02:34,258
You know, it's funny.
I can drink, but I can't vote.
76
00:02:34,288 --> 00:02:36,658
- Well, I'll be definitely
getting my vote on.
77
00:02:36,690 --> 00:02:38,290
Hey!
78
00:02:38,326 --> 00:02:39,286
- Okay, good.
79
00:02:39,327 --> 00:02:41,527
Also, voting time is unpaid.
80
00:02:41,562 --> 00:02:43,432
Nobody paid those horses to die.
81
00:02:45,599 --> 00:02:47,369
- Cheyenne,
can you keep a secret?
82
00:02:47,401 --> 00:02:49,471
- Oh, my God.
Not really, but go.
83
00:02:49,503 --> 00:02:52,413
- Okay.
[exhales]
84
00:02:52,440 --> 00:02:57,280
A few months ago, I found out
that I'm actually undocumented.
85
00:02:57,311 --> 00:02:59,311
- Oh.
- Yeah.
86
00:02:59,347 --> 00:03:02,277
- Okay.
87
00:03:02,316 --> 00:03:03,976
I don't know what that means.
88
00:03:04,017 --> 00:03:07,417
- It means
that I'm an illegal alien.
89
00:03:08,589 --> 00:03:11,559
No, I'm--
I'm human,
90
00:03:11,592 --> 00:03:14,432
who happens to live
in the country illegally.
91
00:03:14,462 --> 00:03:16,802
- Oh.
That's your secret?
92
00:03:16,830 --> 00:03:19,430
I thought you were gonna tell me
about how you're dating Jeff.
93
00:03:19,467 --> 00:03:22,237
- Wait.
You know about that?
94
00:03:22,270 --> 00:03:23,240
- Yeah, but don't worry.
95
00:03:23,271 --> 00:03:24,311
I only told my baby,
96
00:03:24,338 --> 00:03:26,568
and she's not
gonna tell anybody.
97
00:03:26,607 --> 00:03:28,577
She doesn't have any friends.
98
00:03:28,609 --> 00:03:30,679
- Well,
it doesn't matter anyway.
99
00:03:30,711 --> 00:03:32,251
When Dina finds out
I can't vote,
100
00:03:32,280 --> 00:03:34,250
she'll figure out
what's going on and fire me.
101
00:03:34,282 --> 00:03:37,392
- Oh, you can't just get
one of those "I voted" stickers
102
00:03:37,418 --> 00:03:39,318
and say that you voted?
103
00:03:39,353 --> 00:03:42,423
- Oh. Yeah.
Right.
104
00:03:42,456 --> 00:03:44,326
Chey!
105
00:03:44,358 --> 00:03:46,988
You are so much smarter
than what I tell people.
106
00:03:47,027 --> 00:03:49,327
- Aww, thank you.
107
00:03:49,363 --> 00:03:52,333
So, do you love Jeff?
108
00:03:52,366 --> 00:03:54,736
- Shut up.
I don't know. Maybe.
109
00:03:54,768 --> 00:03:56,638
- * Your mommy's all right
110
00:03:56,670 --> 00:03:58,370
* Your daddy's all right
111
00:03:58,406 --> 00:04:01,606
* They just seem
a little weird *
112
00:04:01,642 --> 00:04:04,712
* Surrender, surrender
113
00:04:04,745 --> 00:04:07,005
- Oh, gosh, Syd,
I guess if I was pressed,
114
00:04:07,047 --> 00:04:08,477
I'd have to say
115
00:04:08,516 --> 00:04:11,286
Buzz Aldrin, Bruce Lee,
or Murphy Brown.
116
00:04:11,319 --> 00:04:13,489
- Beep. Beep.
Java truck comin' through.
117
00:04:13,521 --> 00:04:14,691
- What're you doing?
118
00:04:14,722 --> 00:04:18,062
- American coffee
for these American heroes.
119
00:04:18,091 --> 00:04:20,361
Actually,
the beans are from Rwanda,
120
00:04:20,394 --> 00:04:23,634
but the water's from the good
ol' faucet in the men's room.
121
00:04:23,664 --> 00:04:25,434
- Well, as I'm sure Syd here
will tell you,
122
00:04:25,466 --> 00:04:26,796
you can't
give poll workers gifts.
123
00:04:26,834 --> 00:04:28,544
That's called bribery.
124
00:04:28,569 --> 00:04:29,599
- Oh, that's okay.
125
00:04:29,637 --> 00:04:32,567
Actually, I usually have
a Danish with my coffee.
126
00:04:32,606 --> 00:04:33,566
both: Oh.
127
00:04:33,607 --> 00:04:36,037
- Yum.
- So do I. Yeah.
128
00:04:36,076 --> 00:04:38,646
- Fine, I guess
I'll go buy myself a Danish.
129
00:04:38,679 --> 00:04:40,809
- Have a heavenly snack.
- Enjoy it.
130
00:04:40,848 --> 00:04:41,818
- Yeah.
131
00:04:41,849 --> 00:04:43,349
Could you move?
132
00:04:43,384 --> 00:04:44,724
- [imitating]
Oh, hi, I'm Glenn.
133
00:04:44,752 --> 00:04:48,322
I really want
these poll workers to love me.
134
00:04:48,356 --> 00:04:50,316
- I'm not the one
throwing myself at Syd
135
00:04:50,358 --> 00:04:51,788
like some kind
of cigarette girl.
136
00:04:51,825 --> 00:04:53,585
- Oh, please.
- Yeah, please--move!
137
00:04:53,627 --> 00:04:54,697
- No, I'm sitting here.
- I'm putting this here.
138
00:04:54,728 --> 00:04:55,898
- No, well,
put it somewhere else!
139
00:04:55,929 --> 00:04:57,599
Find somewhere else for it go.
- No, I'm putting it there.
140
00:04:57,631 --> 00:04:58,831
- Aah, it's hot!
141
00:04:58,866 --> 00:05:00,466
[whispering]
What did you do?
142
00:05:00,501 --> 00:05:03,301
- I didn't do it!
You did it with your tushy!
143
00:05:04,705 --> 00:05:06,405
[both gasp]
144
00:05:08,442 --> 00:05:09,412
- Damn it.
Distract them.
145
00:05:09,443 --> 00:05:10,413
- What?
146
00:05:10,444 --> 00:05:12,384
*
147
00:05:12,413 --> 00:05:13,883
- It's totally slanted.
148
00:05:13,914 --> 00:05:15,654
They're just pushing
the pro-business,
149
00:05:15,683 --> 00:05:16,683
anti-worker candidates.
150
00:05:16,717 --> 00:05:20,347
- What? A corporation
doing something unethical?
151
00:05:20,388 --> 00:05:21,688
To protect its interests?
152
00:05:21,722 --> 00:05:22,862
This is shocking!
153
00:05:22,890 --> 00:05:24,660
- All right.
Maybe Glenn's right.
154
00:05:24,692 --> 00:05:25,862
Maybe it doesn't matter.
155
00:05:25,893 --> 00:05:27,463
Hey, Marcus?
156
00:05:27,495 --> 00:05:28,755
Who did you vote for
for state senate?
157
00:05:28,796 --> 00:05:29,596
- Jack Peterson.
158
00:05:29,630 --> 00:05:31,900
He's pro-freedom
and anti-bad guys,
159
00:05:31,932 --> 00:05:34,442
and those are two things
I can get behind.
160
00:05:34,468 --> 00:05:36,568
Hey, are we still on
for drinks tonight?
161
00:05:36,604 --> 00:05:37,714
- Please stop asking us.
- No.
162
00:05:37,738 --> 00:05:38,708
- We never were.
- Ah, cool.
163
00:05:38,739 --> 00:05:40,469
Well, we'll figure it out later.
164
00:05:41,742 --> 00:05:43,142
- God,
people will believe anything
165
00:05:43,176 --> 00:05:45,446
with the word
"official" on it.
166
00:05:45,479 --> 00:05:46,449
[gasps]
167
00:05:46,480 --> 00:05:48,720
Do you know what we should do?
168
00:05:48,749 --> 00:05:50,379
No, never mind.
It's stupid.
169
00:05:50,418 --> 00:05:51,818
No, I'm gonna say it.
170
00:05:51,852 --> 00:05:55,462
We should make our own pamphlet
with the truth.
171
00:05:55,489 --> 00:05:56,459
- Ooh.
172
00:05:56,490 --> 00:05:58,830
- A rogue pamphlet?
173
00:05:58,859 --> 00:06:00,389
You're crazy, lady.
174
00:06:00,428 --> 00:06:01,658
- I think that's a great idea,
175
00:06:01,695 --> 00:06:03,495
and I have layout experience.
176
00:06:03,531 --> 00:06:05,471
I was the editor--
- Editor on your high school--
177
00:06:05,499 --> 00:06:06,899
- I already told you that story.
Forget it.
178
00:06:06,934 --> 00:06:08,874
I am in.
- Me too!
179
00:06:08,902 --> 00:06:10,902
- Couldn't be less interested.
180
00:06:10,938 --> 00:06:12,908
- Hey, should we invite Sandra
to drinks tonight?
181
00:06:12,940 --> 00:06:14,910
Or is it just the core four?
182
00:06:16,209 --> 00:06:17,609
You guys are busy.
183
00:06:17,645 --> 00:06:19,505
Everyone's busy.
184
00:06:20,514 --> 00:06:21,424
- [clears throat]
185
00:06:21,449 --> 00:06:22,979
Could I just snag
one of these stickers?
186
00:06:23,016 --> 00:06:24,786
- Oh, these are just
for people who voted.
187
00:06:24,818 --> 00:06:25,918
Are you voting?
188
00:06:25,953 --> 00:06:28,763
- I would, but I just don't like
any of the candidates.
189
00:06:28,789 --> 00:06:30,489
Trump's all like--
[makes fart noise]
190
00:06:30,524 --> 00:06:32,594
and Hillary's all--
[makes a different fart noise]
191
00:06:33,727 --> 00:06:35,697
Anyway, enough politics.
I just need a sticker.
192
00:06:35,729 --> 00:06:39,629
- Well, I'm sure
the store sells stickers.
193
00:06:39,667 --> 00:06:41,437
- I'm not just trying
to collect stickers.
194
00:06:41,469 --> 00:06:42,869
I'm a grown man.
195
00:06:42,903 --> 00:06:45,473
Oh, my God--
is that James Brolin?
196
00:06:45,506 --> 00:06:47,736
- Who?
197
00:06:47,775 --> 00:06:49,805
- Barbra Streisand's husband?
198
00:06:49,843 --> 00:06:51,653
Josh Brolin's dad?
199
00:06:51,679 --> 00:06:55,649
Diane Lane's ex-father-in-law?
Am I crazy?
200
00:06:55,683 --> 00:06:57,553
Sir, you know
who James Brolin is, right?
201
00:06:57,585 --> 00:06:58,785
- What's he running for?
202
00:06:58,819 --> 00:07:00,649
- Oh, my God.
203
00:07:01,955 --> 00:07:03,615
[scoffs]
204
00:07:03,657 --> 00:07:06,557
[hair dryer whooshing]
205
00:07:06,594 --> 00:07:08,804
- Oh, yeah.
That's drying up real nice.
206
00:07:08,829 --> 00:07:11,599
Did you write yourself in
for attorney general?
207
00:07:11,632 --> 00:07:14,002
- Could've been anyone.
208
00:07:14,034 --> 00:07:15,704
Come on.
Hurry up.
209
00:07:15,736 --> 00:07:18,836
You know we got to get these
back before anyone notices.
210
00:07:18,872 --> 00:07:20,242
- You know what I just realized?
211
00:07:20,273 --> 00:07:22,513
There's, like, 50 ballots here.
212
00:07:22,543 --> 00:07:23,943
That could change the outcome
of a close election,
213
00:07:23,977 --> 00:07:24,907
and Missouri's a swing state,
214
00:07:24,945 --> 00:07:27,615
so we could be changing
the course of history.
215
00:07:27,648 --> 00:07:29,818
- You think so?
- Sure. Think about it.
216
00:07:29,850 --> 00:07:32,820
Right now, you and I
could be setting into effect
217
00:07:32,853 --> 00:07:34,023
a chain of events
that could cause
218
00:07:34,054 --> 00:07:36,824
the colonization of Mars
or World War III
219
00:07:36,857 --> 00:07:39,557
and billions
of innocent deaths.
220
00:07:39,593 --> 00:07:40,733
[chuckles]
221
00:07:40,761 --> 00:07:42,561
You know, it's funny,
I try so hard to keep
222
00:07:42,596 --> 00:07:45,926
God out of the workplace,
and yet, here I am,
223
00:07:45,966 --> 00:07:48,666
in the workplace,
224
00:07:48,702 --> 00:07:50,072
and I am God.
225
00:07:50,103 --> 00:07:51,613
[crashing]
226
00:07:51,639 --> 00:07:52,709
What are you doing?
227
00:07:52,740 --> 00:07:55,480
- We need to speed this up.
228
00:07:56,710 --> 00:07:58,650
- No, turn it off!
- I'm trying!
229
00:07:58,679 --> 00:07:59,979
Oh!
Oh!
230
00:08:00,013 --> 00:08:01,083
Come back!
231
00:08:03,216 --> 00:08:05,986
[seedy music]
232
00:08:06,019 --> 00:08:06,849
*
233
00:08:06,887 --> 00:08:08,087
- Well,
the ballots are clearly gone.
234
00:08:08,121 --> 00:08:11,761
- Okay. We're just gonna have to
face the music and tell Syd.
235
00:08:11,792 --> 00:08:13,832
- We tampered with an election.
Do you know how serious that is?
236
00:08:13,861 --> 00:08:15,661
- It was a goof-up!
237
00:08:15,696 --> 00:08:16,726
- We have to cover our tracks.
238
00:08:16,764 --> 00:08:17,734
We've got to come up
with an alibi
239
00:08:17,765 --> 00:08:18,825
for what we've
been doing all day.
240
00:08:18,866 --> 00:08:20,196
- Okay, uh...
241
00:08:21,001 --> 00:08:22,571
We were in my office.
242
00:08:22,603 --> 00:08:24,743
And we were working.
- Too vague.
243
00:08:24,772 --> 00:08:26,812
The more specific the lie,
the more believable it is.
244
00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:29,910
Okay, we were in your office
because you were telling me
245
00:08:29,943 --> 00:08:30,943
about the affair
you've been having
246
00:08:30,978 --> 00:08:32,008
with your dental hygienist.
247
00:08:32,045 --> 00:08:33,545
She likes when
you dance for her.
248
00:08:33,581 --> 00:08:35,321
- I do not want
to be having an affair!
249
00:08:35,348 --> 00:08:36,648
- Do you want to go to jail?
- No!
250
00:08:36,684 --> 00:08:38,024
- Then you've been dancing
for Shelley!
251
00:08:38,051 --> 00:08:39,791
- All right, fine!
- Okay.
252
00:08:39,820 --> 00:08:41,290
I'll erase
the security cam footage.
253
00:08:41,321 --> 00:08:42,961
You need to find a field at
least an hour's drive from here
254
00:08:42,990 --> 00:08:45,560
and bury that ballot box,
and I mean bury it deep.
255
00:08:45,593 --> 00:08:47,933
Then we can never, ever,
ever tell anyone--
256
00:08:50,931 --> 00:08:51,801
- Hey!
257
00:08:55,068 --> 00:08:57,238
- Not to put my head
in the lion's mouth,
258
00:08:57,270 --> 00:09:00,910
but now I'm thinking
Times New Roman.
259
00:09:00,941 --> 00:09:03,741
- Times New Roman
would be a fine font, Jonah,
260
00:09:03,777 --> 00:09:06,807
and so would Helvetica
and Garamond,
261
00:09:06,847 --> 00:09:11,017
and really any font
would be just fine.
262
00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:12,251
- Not Wingdings.
263
00:09:12,285 --> 00:09:14,655
- No one was suggesting
Wingdings.
264
00:09:14,688 --> 00:09:16,318
- Oh, you guys looking at porn?
265
00:09:16,356 --> 00:09:18,856
- What? No.
We're making the pamphlet.
266
00:09:18,892 --> 00:09:21,962
- Wow! And they said
it couldn't be done.
267
00:09:21,995 --> 00:09:24,965
But lo and behold,
here you are doing it,
268
00:09:24,998 --> 00:09:26,828
making a pamphlet!
269
00:09:26,867 --> 00:09:28,867
- I feel like he's mocking us.
270
00:09:28,902 --> 00:09:31,242
Ooh, what about Palatino?
271
00:09:31,271 --> 00:09:33,641
- Oh, Palatino's nice, actually.
272
00:09:33,674 --> 00:09:34,814
- You watching porn?
273
00:09:34,842 --> 00:09:36,612
- Yup.
- Mm.
274
00:09:36,644 --> 00:09:39,014
Oh, I know that girl.
275
00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:42,353
- Guess who got a sticker.
276
00:09:42,382 --> 00:09:43,982
- Oh, my God, really?
277
00:09:44,017 --> 00:09:45,017
[exclaims]
278
00:09:48,355 --> 00:09:50,015
- I made it myself.
279
00:09:50,057 --> 00:09:51,727
- [chuckles]
280
00:09:52,893 --> 00:09:54,733
Yeah.
281
00:09:54,762 --> 00:09:56,962
I appreciate it.
282
00:09:56,997 --> 00:09:59,397
The thought,
not the sticker,
283
00:09:59,432 --> 00:10:01,402
because it's useless.
284
00:10:01,434 --> 00:10:04,004
It's garbage.
'Kay?
285
00:10:05,939 --> 00:10:09,739
- * 'Cause we are living
in a material world *
286
00:10:09,777 --> 00:10:12,107
* And I am a material girl
287
00:10:12,145 --> 00:10:14,075
* You know that we are living
288
00:10:15,883 --> 00:10:18,093
- Hey, girl.
- Hey.
289
00:10:18,118 --> 00:10:20,918
- Bitching color, boo.
- I know, right?
290
00:10:20,954 --> 00:10:23,424
- Yeah, really brings out
the blueness of her veins.
291
00:10:23,456 --> 00:10:25,756
Listen, I've been thinking
about it a lot lately,
292
00:10:25,793 --> 00:10:29,733
and I have decided that you are
my best friend in the store.
293
00:10:29,763 --> 00:10:32,673
- Me? Really?
- Yeah.
294
00:10:32,700 --> 00:10:36,440
- Okay, well, you're nice too.
295
00:10:36,469 --> 00:10:38,039
- Yeah, I am nice.
296
00:10:38,071 --> 00:10:39,371
Anyway, I've been
thinking about it,
297
00:10:39,406 --> 00:10:40,936
and I feel like
we should just have
298
00:10:40,974 --> 00:10:42,884
a good old-fashioned
girlfriend gabfest.
299
00:10:42,910 --> 00:10:43,880
[laughs]
300
00:10:43,911 --> 00:10:45,311
Maybe you could tell me
if you've seen or heard
301
00:10:45,345 --> 00:10:47,675
anything suspicious recently.
302
00:10:47,715 --> 00:10:48,975
- Mm.
Suspicious?
303
00:10:49,016 --> 00:10:51,446
- Yeah, you know, like...
I don't know...
304
00:10:51,484 --> 00:10:54,394
if you know of anybody
doing anything illegal.
305
00:10:54,421 --> 00:10:55,391
Dish, girlfriend!
306
00:10:55,422 --> 00:10:58,862
[both chuckle]
307
00:10:58,892 --> 00:11:02,802
- Mm.
Um, no.
308
00:11:02,830 --> 00:11:04,160
- Really?
309
00:11:04,197 --> 00:11:05,727
'Cause, you know,
there's nothing I hate more
310
00:11:05,766 --> 00:11:07,366
than when my best friends
lie to me.
311
00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:11,468
- Okay, I have to go.
312
00:11:11,504 --> 00:11:12,474
I have to pee really bad.
313
00:11:12,505 --> 00:11:14,005
Excuse me.
314
00:11:14,041 --> 00:11:15,341
- You want me to come with?
315
00:11:15,375 --> 00:11:17,845
That's what best
girlfriends do, right?
316
00:11:19,980 --> 00:11:21,820
- Do you think she knows?
- It's hard to say.
317
00:11:21,849 --> 00:11:25,489
She's either playing dumb
or just is.
318
00:11:25,518 --> 00:11:28,718
- Jack Peterson is anti-union,
anti-worker,
319
00:11:28,756 --> 00:11:31,116
but Gary Langham wants
to raise minimum wage--
320
00:11:31,158 --> 00:11:33,988
- And expand sick days.
- Paid sick days.
321
00:11:34,027 --> 00:11:35,057
[hip-hop music]
322
00:11:35,095 --> 00:11:36,155
- * This is how
you start a party *
323
00:11:36,196 --> 00:11:38,496
- * Start a party
- * Hey, hey
324
00:11:38,531 --> 00:11:40,101
- * This is how
you start a party *
325
00:11:40,133 --> 00:11:41,973
- * Start a party
- * Ow!
326
00:11:42,002 --> 00:11:43,842
- * This is how
you start a party *
327
00:11:43,871 --> 00:11:45,811
- * Start a party, yeah
- * Hey, hey
328
00:11:45,839 --> 00:11:47,009
- I don't know about youse guys,
329
00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:49,880
but I'm fed up
with these corporate fat cats.
330
00:11:49,910 --> 00:11:52,850
- Not all warehouse workers
are from 1950s Brooklyn.
331
00:11:52,880 --> 00:11:55,120
- You know what, I'm fed up with
these corporate fat cats too.
332
00:11:55,148 --> 00:11:56,978
I'll take one of those.
- Hey!
333
00:11:57,017 --> 00:11:58,447
- * Beaucoup bottles
on the counter *
334
00:11:58,485 --> 00:12:00,145
- * On the counter, yo
- * Hey
335
00:12:00,187 --> 00:12:02,857
- * This is how
you start a party *
336
00:12:02,890 --> 00:12:05,030
- She's a good broad, huh?
- And you're a good guy, Jonah.
337
00:12:05,058 --> 00:12:07,528
- Thank you very much.
I appreciate it.
338
00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:09,130
- * We about
to start the party *
339
00:12:09,162 --> 00:12:10,802
- * Start the party
340
00:12:10,831 --> 00:12:11,801
- * Hey
341
00:12:11,832 --> 00:12:13,102
- You really think Dina knows?
342
00:12:13,133 --> 00:12:17,103
- Maybe. She asked me
a lot of weird questions.
343
00:12:17,137 --> 00:12:19,237
- The stupid poll worker lady
is guarding those stickers
344
00:12:19,272 --> 00:12:21,782
like it's her last tub
of Activia.
345
00:12:21,809 --> 00:12:23,939
- Oh, hey.
Mateo, did you vote?
346
00:12:23,977 --> 00:12:27,917
- Oh, my God. Why is everyone
obsessed with voting today?
347
00:12:27,948 --> 00:12:28,918
- Oh.
348
00:12:28,949 --> 00:12:29,979
- [sighs]
349
00:12:33,520 --> 00:12:36,090
- [in Brooklyn accent]
So then, I take the L train
350
00:12:36,123 --> 00:12:40,063
from the docks to my
mother's house in Flatbush.
351
00:12:40,093 --> 00:12:41,133
- [in Brooklyn accent]
Hey, youse a good kid,
352
00:12:41,161 --> 00:12:43,101
respecting your mother
like that.
353
00:12:43,130 --> 00:12:44,460
- Yeah, but sometimes,
you got to say,
354
00:12:44,497 --> 00:12:46,397
"Hey, Ma,
I'm going out with the fellas."
355
00:12:46,433 --> 00:12:48,543
- Yeah.
- "I'll see you at church."
356
00:12:48,568 --> 00:12:50,438
- Oh, your guy's religious.
357
00:12:50,470 --> 00:12:51,540
- No, he goes to church
358
00:12:51,571 --> 00:12:53,171
to respect his
mother's old-world values.
359
00:12:53,206 --> 00:12:55,106
- Sure.
- Obviously.
360
00:12:55,142 --> 00:12:57,282
- [laughs]
- That's the story.
361
00:12:57,310 --> 00:12:59,010
- You know,
don't take this the wrong way,
362
00:12:59,046 --> 00:13:01,476
but I feel like you've become
a lot more fun
363
00:13:01,514 --> 00:13:02,824
since I've known you.
364
00:13:02,850 --> 00:13:04,080
- Thanks.
365
00:13:04,117 --> 00:13:05,317
And if I may return
the compliment,
366
00:13:05,352 --> 00:13:08,292
I think you've become
marginally less annoying.
367
00:13:08,321 --> 00:13:09,321
- [in Brooklyn accent]
Hey, hey, hey.
368
00:13:09,356 --> 00:13:11,356
Don't make me blush
in front of the fellas, huh?
369
00:13:11,391 --> 00:13:13,061
- [laughs]
370
00:13:16,229 --> 00:13:17,429
- Hey, Syd.
Everything all right?
371
00:13:17,464 --> 00:13:18,574
You were in there a while.
372
00:13:18,598 --> 00:13:20,198
- Yeah, it's okay.
373
00:13:20,233 --> 00:13:21,103
- We just wanted to make sure
374
00:13:21,134 --> 00:13:23,044
there were
enough poll workers out there,
375
00:13:23,070 --> 00:13:26,170
'cause, you know, we wouldn't
want any voter fraud to happen.
376
00:13:26,206 --> 00:13:27,566
- Even though,
as I keep telling him,
377
00:13:27,607 --> 00:13:29,437
there's almost no voter fraud
in this country.
378
00:13:29,476 --> 00:13:32,606
I mean, it's not worth
the penalty of, um...
379
00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:35,215
- $10,000
and five years in prison.
380
00:13:37,084 --> 00:13:39,124
- Did you say "prison"?
381
00:13:39,152 --> 00:13:41,192
Or "prism"?
- Why would he say "prism"?
382
00:13:41,221 --> 00:13:42,521
What's five years in prism?
383
00:13:42,555 --> 00:13:44,415
- Let him answer.
384
00:13:44,457 --> 00:13:45,827
- Prison.
385
00:13:46,626 --> 00:13:50,226
- With an N or an M?
- Oh, my God.
386
00:13:50,263 --> 00:13:53,103
- So then
I rip up my note cards.
387
00:13:53,133 --> 00:13:54,203
- No.
388
00:13:54,234 --> 00:13:58,144
- And say, "Fellow students,
forget these note cards."
389
00:13:58,171 --> 00:13:59,241
- Going rogue.
390
00:13:59,272 --> 00:14:02,112
- "I'm going to speak
from my heart."
391
00:14:02,142 --> 00:14:03,282
- Okay.
392
00:14:03,310 --> 00:14:06,150
- And then, from the back
of the auditorium, Renee yells--
393
00:14:06,179 --> 00:14:07,279
- No.
Mm-mm.
394
00:14:07,314 --> 00:14:08,654
- "Those cards are blank!"
395
00:14:08,681 --> 00:14:11,121
- Oh!
Renee is the worst.
396
00:14:11,151 --> 00:14:12,491
- I haven't even told you
about the Winter Ball story--
397
00:14:12,519 --> 00:14:14,119
- Surprise!
398
00:14:14,154 --> 00:14:16,424
- Oh, hey.
Hi.
399
00:14:16,456 --> 00:14:17,886
What are you--
what are you doing here?
400
00:14:17,925 --> 00:14:20,625
- You said you'd help me
pick out some towels.
401
00:14:20,660 --> 00:14:22,430
Oh, hi.
I'm Naomi.
402
00:14:22,462 --> 00:14:25,372
- Oh, Naomi, this is Amy.
She's my boss.
403
00:14:25,398 --> 00:14:27,898
Amy, this is Naomi.
She--we're--
404
00:14:27,935 --> 00:14:30,565
- Oh, it's okay.
We don't have to label it yet.
405
00:14:30,603 --> 00:14:31,573
It's nice to meet you.
406
00:14:31,604 --> 00:14:34,414
- You too.
As well.
407
00:14:35,475 --> 00:14:36,535
Yeah.
408
00:14:36,576 --> 00:14:38,546
- Naomi works the cheese booth
409
00:14:38,578 --> 00:14:41,178
at the farmers market
by my house.
410
00:14:41,214 --> 00:14:43,254
- Yes, the cheese booth,
not the soap booth.
411
00:14:43,283 --> 00:14:44,253
- [laughs]
412
00:14:44,284 --> 00:14:45,654
I forgot about that guy!
413
00:14:45,685 --> 00:14:47,185
"Where's the soap booth?"
414
00:14:47,220 --> 00:14:48,420
- [laughing]
Yeah.
415
00:14:48,455 --> 00:14:50,455
- This guy sounds crazy.
416
00:14:52,725 --> 00:14:55,395
- So do you have time now?
417
00:14:55,428 --> 00:14:58,268
- Yeah, well--
Amy, is it cool if I help Naomi
418
00:14:58,298 --> 00:14:59,268
pick out some stuff
for her apartment,
419
00:14:59,299 --> 00:15:01,529
and then we'll do
the pamphlet stuff after?
420
00:15:01,568 --> 00:15:03,398
- Yeah.
Of course that's cool.
421
00:15:03,436 --> 00:15:06,436
Wow, a new apartment.
A new man.
422
00:15:06,473 --> 00:15:08,513
It's a good time
to be Naomi, hey?
423
00:15:08,541 --> 00:15:11,181
- [laughs]
Yeah. Thanks.
424
00:15:12,712 --> 00:15:14,612
- Okay.
All right.
425
00:15:20,587 --> 00:15:21,617
- Oh, my God.
426
00:15:27,594 --> 00:15:28,634
[groaning]
427
00:15:33,033 --> 00:15:36,243
- Rats gave birth
in the nacho cheese.
428
00:15:36,269 --> 00:15:37,399
Cooked themselves to death.
429
00:15:43,710 --> 00:15:45,450
- Thank you.
430
00:15:47,614 --> 00:15:51,324
[gagging]
431
00:15:51,351 --> 00:15:54,251
- * Downtown the young ones
are growing *
432
00:15:54,287 --> 00:15:56,357
* We're the kids in America
433
00:15:56,389 --> 00:15:58,589
- Hey, Marcus!
434
00:15:58,625 --> 00:16:02,725
Hey...
you've been to prison, right?
435
00:16:02,762 --> 00:16:05,202
- Yeah.
I mean, like, barely.
436
00:16:05,232 --> 00:16:07,232
Long enough to form
lifelong friendships.
437
00:16:07,267 --> 00:16:11,267
- How do you think a guy
like me would do in there?
438
00:16:11,304 --> 00:16:14,014
- Baby face.
Kind eyes.
439
00:16:14,041 --> 00:16:16,411
Soft skin.
Cute tummy.
440
00:16:16,443 --> 00:16:17,783
You'd be very popular.
441
00:16:17,810 --> 00:16:20,280
- Oh.
Well, that's good.
442
00:16:20,313 --> 00:16:21,283
- No, that's bad.
443
00:16:21,314 --> 00:16:22,354
That's very bad.
444
00:16:22,382 --> 00:16:23,552
- Oh.
445
00:16:23,583 --> 00:16:24,783
Let's say, hypothetically,
446
00:16:24,817 --> 00:16:27,717
that two people
accidentally committed a crime.
447
00:16:27,754 --> 00:16:29,664
There may have been a witness.
448
00:16:29,689 --> 00:16:31,359
- Okay, well, if it were me,
449
00:16:31,391 --> 00:16:33,391
I guess I'd get my partner
to confess on tape.
450
00:16:33,426 --> 00:16:34,656
That way, if it went south,
451
00:16:34,694 --> 00:16:36,634
you could trade that in
for a reduced sentence.
452
00:16:36,663 --> 00:16:38,373
That's what my mom did to me.
453
00:16:38,398 --> 00:16:40,598
- Huh.
454
00:16:40,633 --> 00:16:41,603
Okay.
455
00:16:41,634 --> 00:16:43,044
Thanks.
456
00:16:46,639 --> 00:16:48,739
- Hey, Marcus.
You've been to prison, right?
457
00:16:48,775 --> 00:16:52,675
- Oh-ho-ho.
Look who's in demand today.
458
00:16:52,712 --> 00:16:53,912
- It screams you, actually.
459
00:16:53,946 --> 00:16:56,646
Yeah, that's a very "you" towel.
- Okay, you can have that one.
460
00:16:56,683 --> 00:16:57,653
- No?
All right.
461
00:16:57,684 --> 00:16:58,754
- Did you guys meet Naomi?
462
00:16:58,785 --> 00:16:59,585
She's super cute.
463
00:16:59,619 --> 00:17:02,389
- Yeah,
she's really cute for Jonah.
464
00:17:02,422 --> 00:17:03,762
- Do you think they're serious?
465
00:17:03,790 --> 00:17:05,790
- Oh, yeah.
They've had sex, like, 11 times.
466
00:17:05,825 --> 00:17:07,385
- Really?
- I don't know.
467
00:17:07,427 --> 00:17:08,297
Why would I know that?
468
00:17:08,328 --> 00:17:11,398
- You okay, sweetie?
You seem stressed.
469
00:17:11,431 --> 00:17:13,601
- Oh.
Oh.
470
00:17:13,633 --> 00:17:15,773
My shoulders are so tight.
471
00:17:18,638 --> 00:17:20,568
What are you doing?
472
00:17:23,143 --> 00:17:25,583
- I was trying
to feel your breasts.
473
00:17:29,449 --> 00:17:30,749
- Maybe he's drunk.
474
00:17:30,783 --> 00:17:32,453
There's a lot
of drunk people here.
475
00:17:35,288 --> 00:17:36,358
[upbeat music]
476
00:17:36,389 --> 00:17:37,589
- Attention,
my fellow Americans.
477
00:17:37,624 --> 00:17:40,194
I just noticed something on
the ballot about a "Supertrain."
478
00:17:40,227 --> 00:17:41,257
I'm not sure what it is,
479
00:17:41,294 --> 00:17:43,804
but it sounds more powerful
than a normal train.
480
00:17:43,830 --> 00:17:45,270
Let's make this happen, people.
481
00:17:45,298 --> 00:17:46,628
Vote Supertrain.
482
00:17:46,666 --> 00:17:48,396
- Testing.
483
00:17:48,435 --> 00:17:50,435
- Hey, you wanted to see me?
484
00:17:52,239 --> 00:17:54,539
- Yeah.
Come on in.
485
00:17:54,574 --> 00:17:56,284
I thought we should talk about
486
00:17:56,309 --> 00:17:58,279
all the stuff
that went on today.
487
00:17:58,311 --> 00:18:00,411
- Yeah. Actually,
I was thinking the same thing.
488
00:18:00,447 --> 00:18:02,377
It would be great
to just get on the same page.
489
00:18:02,415 --> 00:18:05,115
- So, Dina Fox.
490
00:18:05,152 --> 00:18:05,922
What time is it?
491
00:18:05,952 --> 00:18:10,222
4:17 on November 8th, 2016,
right?
492
00:18:10,257 --> 00:18:11,517
- Yeah. Crazy day,
especially given
493
00:18:11,558 --> 00:18:13,528
all the things you did,
Glenn Sturgis,
494
00:18:13,560 --> 00:18:16,200
son of Arthur
and Marian Sturgis.
495
00:18:18,331 --> 00:18:19,331
- Hey.
496
00:18:19,366 --> 00:18:23,296
I'm sorry. I didn't know
Naomi was coming in today.
497
00:18:23,336 --> 00:18:24,636
- No, it's--
I mean, it's totally fine.
498
00:18:24,671 --> 00:18:26,171
I was just surprised.
499
00:18:26,206 --> 00:18:27,466
I didn't even know
you were dating anyone.
500
00:18:27,507 --> 00:18:29,177
- Oh.
501
00:18:29,209 --> 00:18:32,679
Is that something that I'm
supposed to inform you about or?
502
00:18:32,712 --> 00:18:34,312
- No!
No, I don't care.
503
00:18:34,347 --> 00:18:36,177
I was just making conversation.
504
00:18:37,884 --> 00:18:39,554
- So the new shift starts soon.
505
00:18:39,586 --> 00:18:41,586
Do you want me to just hand
these out as people clock in--
506
00:18:41,621 --> 00:18:42,461
- Oh, do you know what?
507
00:18:42,489 --> 00:18:43,459
Actually,
I got someone else to help.
508
00:18:43,490 --> 00:18:46,260
- Hey, you're gonna vote
how I tell you to vote,
509
00:18:46,293 --> 00:18:47,363
or I swear to God,
510
00:18:47,394 --> 00:18:48,664
I'm gonna put a cricket
in your house,
511
00:18:48,695 --> 00:18:50,225
and you'll never know
where it is,
512
00:18:50,263 --> 00:18:51,603
and it'll drive you crazy.
513
00:18:51,631 --> 00:18:52,571
- Marcus?
514
00:18:52,599 --> 00:18:55,399
- Yeah. Well, you were busy,
and, you know,
515
00:18:55,435 --> 00:18:57,495
I figured your shift is over,
so...
516
00:18:57,537 --> 00:19:00,667
- Yeah. Yeah, no.
Cool.
517
00:19:00,707 --> 00:19:03,437
Okay, then, I'm gonna clock out.
518
00:19:03,476 --> 00:19:06,276
- Yeah. See you tomorrow.
- Okay.
519
00:19:07,514 --> 00:19:12,924
- We're gonna vote right now.
- Put me down! My bones!
520
00:19:12,952 --> 00:19:14,922
Put me down!
521
00:19:14,954 --> 00:19:16,624
- He's such an idiot.
522
00:19:18,391 --> 00:19:19,961
- Okay.
Don't ask me any questions,
523
00:19:19,992 --> 00:19:22,232
but I want to buy your sticker.
524
00:19:22,262 --> 00:19:23,362
I can't tell you why.
525
00:19:25,498 --> 00:19:26,698
- Okay.
526
00:19:26,733 --> 00:19:29,243
- It's just, you know,
it's kind of a secret.
527
00:19:29,269 --> 00:19:32,209
- I absolutely do not care.
528
00:19:32,239 --> 00:19:33,669
Excuse me.
529
00:19:34,974 --> 00:19:37,244
- It's kind of a long story.
- Do not care.
530
00:19:37,277 --> 00:19:38,547
- Okay.
531
00:19:38,578 --> 00:19:39,708
[both laughing]
532
00:19:39,746 --> 00:19:41,646
- You know, that's funny,
because I distinctly remembered
533
00:19:41,681 --> 00:19:43,921
you destroying the ballots,
Glenn Sturgis.
534
00:19:43,950 --> 00:19:46,320
- Well, that's really funny,
because how could I have?
535
00:19:46,353 --> 00:19:49,463
I was in my office
all day long...
536
00:19:49,489 --> 00:19:52,259
having an affair with
my dental hygienist, Shelley.
537
00:19:52,292 --> 00:19:53,762
- Excuse me.
538
00:19:53,793 --> 00:19:55,533
- Just wanted to let you know
I voted.
539
00:19:55,562 --> 00:19:57,562
- We're having
a casual conversation!
540
00:19:57,597 --> 00:20:00,467
- Get out!
- Okay.
541
00:20:00,500 --> 00:20:03,270
[upbeat music]
542
00:20:03,303 --> 00:20:05,313
- District 35,
where we are projecting
543
00:20:05,338 --> 00:20:07,568
pro-labor candidate
Gary Langham will prevail.
544
00:20:07,607 --> 00:20:10,937
- Yes!
Yes!
545
00:20:10,977 --> 00:20:14,407
We did it!
We got Langham elected!
546
00:20:17,817 --> 00:20:19,387
- Ames!
Did you see?
547
00:20:19,419 --> 00:20:20,389
- Yes!
- We did it!
548
00:20:20,420 --> 00:20:22,560
- I know!
It's amazing!
549
00:20:22,589 --> 00:20:24,289
- Oh, it's such a rush.
Thank you for involving me.
550
00:20:24,324 --> 00:20:26,364
- No, thank you!
We made a good team.
551
00:20:26,393 --> 00:20:29,363
- We did, didn't we?
- Yeah, we did.
552
00:20:30,363 --> 00:20:31,733
- Ew, no.
Marcus, what the hell?
553
00:20:31,764 --> 00:20:33,304
- What? I thought
this was, like,
554
00:20:33,333 --> 00:20:34,433
a flirty thing we were doing.
555
00:20:34,467 --> 00:20:36,697
- No.
- I'm so sorry. Wow.
556
00:20:36,736 --> 00:20:40,636
I totally misread that.
Ugh.
557
00:20:40,673 --> 00:20:44,713
- I mean, it's okay.
I just--I was just startled.
558
00:20:44,744 --> 00:20:46,014
I was just a little--
Marcus!
559
00:20:46,045 --> 00:20:48,315
- You just said it's okay.
560
00:20:52,352 --> 00:20:54,422
- Hey, Dorothy.
- Uh-huh?
561
00:20:54,454 --> 00:20:56,724
- We're missing 53 ballots.
562
00:20:56,756 --> 00:20:58,386
- Really?
563
00:20:59,626 --> 00:21:01,586
Jeez, that's way down
from last time.
564
00:21:01,628 --> 00:21:03,328
- [laughs]
565
00:21:03,363 --> 00:21:06,833
- Just tell me what you did.
- No, you tell me what you did!
566
00:21:06,866 --> 00:21:07,796
- Fine.
567
00:21:07,834 --> 00:21:10,344
I, Glenn Sturgis,
deliberately destroyed--
568
00:21:10,370 --> 00:21:11,500
- No, I'm Glenn!
569
00:21:11,538 --> 00:21:13,438
- 50 United States ballots.
- Stop making me say that!
570
00:21:13,473 --> 00:21:16,483
- And then I covered it up,
which is dumb, because I'm dumb.
571
00:21:16,509 --> 00:21:17,579
- I'm Dina Fox!
Dina Fox!
572
00:21:17,610 --> 00:21:18,850
- Also, I have a tiny penis,
and my wife hates my guts!
573
00:21:18,878 --> 00:21:21,578
- And I destroyed the ballots
'cause I'm a big, stupid meanie!
40865
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