All language subtitles for Superstore.S01E08.WEBRip.x264-ION10_English

.

- Oh, no, no, no,
no, no!

Don't use that one.
It's icky.

God doesn't make
mistakes very often,

but when he does,

you have to throw them
right in the trash.

- Oh.
- Does this make sense

to anyone else?

White dress, $30.

White wedding dress,
$200.

Is there cocaine
in this or something?

- Yeah.
The wedding industry's a racket.

- Oh, you think everything
is a racket.

- And that is the last of it,
Glenn.

- Wow.
Hmm.

- I'm just gonna say
what we all thinking.

This is pretty as hell.

- Oh,
it's 8:00.

- Ooh, wait.
Uh, hold on.

I just want to move that.

That's not in center.

That should be in center.

[Joan Jett's "Bad Reputation"]

[all yelling]

*

- Oh, no, no.

*

Well, that was a good use
of the last five hours.

[upbeat music]

[both struggling]

- They realize they're basically
just fighting over a white net

with glitter on it, right?

- Mm, I got five bucks
on the blonde.

- Yeah,
I'll take that action.

- How are there already
this many go backs?

We've been open
for five minutes.

- Oh, I'm actually here
as a customer today.

How do I look?

- Ooh, wow.

- Aw, that's hella nice,
yo.

Yo, where's
the laptops at?

We need, like,
five or six of those things.

My band is playing
at our wedding.

Yeah, we're gonna smash
computers as part of the act

'cause, you know, like,
technology.

- Uh...wow.

That sounds like an expensive
celebration you're planning.

- It's about 500 people.

I wanted to invite more,

but I couldn't afford
any more stamps.

- I bet your parents
are all, like,

"Don't spend
all your money on one day!

Save some for the baby."

Parents.

- Nah.
Five G's, son.

Yo, what's up?
Making it rain!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Stand down.
Drop that paper, yo.

It's mine.

- Where did you get all of that?

- Bo got hit by a car
in the seventh grade

by an old lady.

She was legally blind
and super drunk.

Isn't he lucky?

- Yeah, your boy here was
just crossing the street,

then it was like, crash!

Oh, going to the light.

I'm like, "No, God.
Later.

I got stuff to accomplish.
Later, light."

I pick up a phone.

[mimics dialing]
"Yo, hello, lawyer?

"Yo, settle out of court?

I think so.
Yes."

Wha-chaah.
Money.

Ha-ha!

- So you just walk around
with $5,000 in your pocket?

- That's right.
I always got that right here.

Uh-oh.
Where's that five G's?

Yo, I was just kidding,
dummies.

I got that right here.
Oh, no.

Yo, where's it at,
for real?

- It's right there.

- Oh.

Oh, what's up?

Good looking out, yo.

- Please don't tip me.

- [grunting]
[sighs]

Ma'am, I have
the arm strength of a chimp,

but there is just
too much real estate back here.

I'd have to
dislocate your shoulder.

- Do it.

- Okay.

But you'll have to
teach one of your bridesmaids

to do this on the day.

- And they actually
have money saved up,

but instead of using it
to pay for the baby,

they're gonna blow it all
on some big party.

- What?

Two 17-year-olds are
making a bad decision?

- What?

- I thought that only
happened in the movies.

- I'm just saying that
I wish somebody had warned me

not to spend so much money
on a wedding.

- I'm telling you.

People do not like to be told
how to spend their money.

- Really?

So does that mean
you'll stop telling me

to call your "dad's friend?"

- That's about
making you money,

and if you saw the charts
that he showed me--

- Oh, yeah.
The charts.

- Hi. Where are
the twinkly white lights?

- It's an outdoor ceremony,
so they have to be weatherproof.

- I will take you to them.
- Thank you.

- Which one of you
is the lucky fella?

- Oh, well,
actually, we both are.

- I love that!

The four of you
can celebrate

your anniversary together
every year.

- No--
- Congratulations

on your wedding!
- Yes.

- To each other.

- To...
- Yeah.

- Oh!

- Outdoor lighting
is in aisle four.

If you need anything else,
just ask.

- Thank you.
- Thanks.

- Have a heavenly day!

- Thank you.

I don't know how,

but you really seem to have
a handle on this whole gay,

you know--

Oh!

That's great, Mateo!

Congratulations on that.

You know,
I thought you might be,

but I-I wasn't sure,

and then I forgot about it.

But now I know,
and that's terrific with me.

Yeah.

- Oh, bam!

I'm about to blow up
this alien so bad.

Whoa.
Oh.

- Chey, you know babies come
with lots of expenses...

is what your dumb parents
would say.

Remember, from before?

Aah, parents.

- Oh.
- Yeah.

But your parents do
make a good point.

- Well, my mom said
that we should save some money,

but then, Bo is all like,
"Nah," so it's a tough call.

- Dang!
Those aliens are smart as hell!

You want to go back to shopping?

- Yes.
- Hey, guys.

You want to play
a different game?

- Blam!

- Diapers!
- Boom!

- Wipes!
- Blast!

- Bottle warmer.
- Headshot!

- More diapers.
- Poo-poo!

- Breast pump.
- Squirt, squirt!

- Diaper bag.
- Pew, pew!

See you in hell,
cute baby stuff.

- Bo, you're
killing them all!

- And time's up.

- What's up?
2,500 points!

Your boy here is getting
a Charleston Chew!

- Actually, those aren't points.

Those are dollars, and that's
how much this stuff costs.

- This stuff is $2,500?

That's, like,
half of Bo's stack.

- Plus a car seat
and a crib and daycare,

and it just keeps coming.

- Dang.

I'm gonna have to
get hit by so many cars.

- Maybe we should save
some of our wedding money

for the future.

- Huh, yeah.

You could do that.

You do have
to make some sacrifices

when you're a parent.

I mean, your whole life changes.

- Bo, you look weird.

- Yeah.
Hey.

- But I think it's great

that you guys are starting
to think about being--

- Aah!

Hey, look out.
- Bo?

- Excuse me.
Oh, sorry.

- Bo?

.

- Where did you go?
Please come back.

I love you.

It's Cheyenne,
by the way.

- Hey, you had to go
freak the little dummy out?

- Well, it's not my fault.

- Oh, she's right.

She was just teaching us
this fun game

about how expensive and scary
it is to have a baby.

What if he never comes back?

- He will.
He's gonna come back.

He will!

And you know what?

If he doesn't,

that wouldn't
be the worst thing--

- Going right back at it, huh?

- Okay.

You know what?
Um...I'll go look for him.

- Could tag along with me
if you want.

That turd walked out
with a Cloud 9 scanner gun.

That makes it
my jurisdiction.

- He is not a turd.

- Oh, he's a turd.

Also, my truck has
a rather unique odor,

but you should get used to it
after a couple of hours.

- Oh...no, thank you.

We should probably
just split up, you know,

cover more ground.

- Up to you.
Oh...

Almost forgot my Taser.

[electricity sparks]
- Oh, oh!

- Okay.
I'm coming with you!

Take care of her.
- [whines]

- Uh, hey, hey.
Now, now.

Now, now.
There, little lady.

You're gonna--you're gonna
do just fine, kiddo.

- [crying]

- Girl.

I learned that
from Wendy Williams.

- If you're hungry, that can
of beans is up for grabs,

but not this one.

- I'm good.

Do you mind if I turn on the--
where's your radio?

- Oh, I special ordered
my truck without one.

Yeah, it costs
a little extra,

but it makes the vehicle
less appealing to thieves

'cause no one wants a truck
without a radio.

Name a song, though.
I'll sing it for you.

- That's okay.
- No, no, go ahead.

I got a photographic
memory for music.

- Okay, um...

"Single Ladies."

- Not familiar
with that one.

- "Uptown Funk."
- Don't know it.

- "Dancing Queen."
- Nope.

- "Thriller?"

Michael Jackson?

- You can't name a song
by some guy

you went to
middle school with.

It has to be popular.

* Oh Danny boy

* The pipes
the pipes are calling *

[indistinct chatter]

- I can't be a single mom.

I have never even driven
on the highway before.

What if the baby
needs to go downtown?

- Okay, again,
Bo is coming back, all right?

And when he does,
you're gonna have a cart full

of hella radical
wedding stuff to show him.

- Yeah,
like these little ass pillows

to put the rings on
'cause they're important.

- Bo once threw up
on a pillow

at my grandma's
retirement party.

- [chuckles]

- Everything I see reminds me
of how amazing he was.

- Okay.
Surprising triggers.

We'll pick for you.
What do you think?

- Pfft...

This one.
Done.

Moving on.

- Ooh.
- What? What's up?

- It's a little
burlap-y.

She's getting married,
not shipping coffee.

- Ah.

- Why don't we just go with
this one?

- Well, you know what?
Your call.

Do you want to go warm
and rustic like this burlap one

or generic,
kind of unoriginal?

- I guess
warm and rustic.

- Warm and rustic!
All right.

We got ourself a pillow.
- Okay.

- Next up on the wedding train,
guest books.

- Okay.

[upbeat market music playing]

*

- I feel terrible about
how I handled things earlier

with your friends.

- Friends?
Oh, they're not--no.

They're not my friends, dude.
- Oh, I'm sorry.

Gay BFFs?

I don't know the lingo.

Look, I just want everyone
who comes into this store

to feel accepted.

But do you know
that in this entire sale,

there is not one section
dedicated to gay weddings?

- Gay people use the same
decorations as straight people.

We just use 'em better.

- That's my point exactly.

I mean, they should not
have to conform

to someone's...
hel--hetero normal ideal

of what a wedding should be.

Would you be willing to
help me put something together?

- Of course.

- Great.

We're gonna take those guys'
minds and blow them.

- [laughs awkwardly]

- I don't know if just randomly
driving around is a good idea.

- Where do teenagers go?

Prom.

Is there a prom around?

- No, I just meant that we
should think like a teenager.

- Ah, yeah.

Hey, Mom,
get out of my room.

You don't understand
my generation.

Pimples.

It's not helping.

- Oh, wait, wait,
wait, wait!

Is that him?

Hey!
Hey!

Stop!
It's him, it's him.

Speed up.
Go, go, go.

Bo!

Hey, Bo!

We just want to talk!
Stop!

- That's one of our carts.

That's one of our carts.

- What?
Who cares? Bo!

[tires screeching]
[car honking]

What are you doing?

[Chamillionaire's "Ridin'"]

- Who cares?

I care.

Hey.

That is Cloud 9
store property!

- No, it's not.

- Dina!
He's getting away!

Bo!

- No, no, no.
Absolutely not.

Give it to me. Hey.
- It's not your cart!

.

- You know,
on second thought,

I don't think
that is one of our carts.

So what are we thinking
for lunch?

Sandwiches?
Burritos?

Indian?
Tapas?

- What is up with you?

Do you even
want to find Bo?

- Yes,
of course I do.

Just...maybe not
right away.

I'm really not anxious to get
back to the wedding day sale,

okay?

Just seeing all those women
celebrating,

having found someone,

and I'm not getting any younger.

Kind of a bummer.
- Well, it can be hard to date.

- If you'd seen
some of the guys I dated.

[whistles]

Gay.
Racist.

Mean.
Redhead.

That was all one guy.

- Oh, I've dated some losers.

I dated this one guy

who would only speak
in Monty Python quotes.

- The last guy
I dated only hung out with me

to play chess with my dad,

and the guy before that was just
using me for my freezer.

- I dated three guys

who were dating me just to get
close to my friend, Rene,

and Rene wasn't
even that hot.

Whatever.
This is not about Rene.

- Well, Rene sounds like
a sack of crap.

- She was.
Thank you.

- I just call it
like I see it.

- Yes.

- There is...a guy at work

that things have been
getting pretty intense with.

- Really?
Who?

- Well, I don't want to
talk about my personal life

with coworkers,
but I will say

that there has been some
very heavy flirtation happening.

I've been changing my shirt
multiple times a day

just 'cause of
all the pit stains.

- Steamy stuff.

- How's this?

- It's nice.

- But is it
gay enough?

I don't want to be
kicking myself later

that we should have
gone more gay.

Let's err on
the side of gay.

- It feels appropriately gay.

- Good.

- You know,
I have to say,

you're much more open-minded
than I thought.

- Thank you.

People assume
all Christians are homophobes.

You know,
that is ignorant.

You can't imagine how hard
it is being stereotyped.

- Sure.
- I mean, if anything,

Jesus went out of his way
to accept everyone.

- Agreed.
- Yeah.

- I think Jesus would've
been pro-gay marriage.

- Absolutely.

He would've been
pro-gay adoption.

- For all we know,
Jesus himself was gay.

- So it's Tuesday,
right?

That means--
that means Wednesday's coming.

- Mm.
Shake?

- No, thanks.
Vegan.

- Huh.
- Yeah.

You know,
we can keep looking for Bo,

but the guy can't bike forever,

especially not with those quads.

What don't you like him?

Is it the mustache?

- No.

I got married at 19.

I know what
they're in for.

I mean, you miss out
on a lot of stuff.

I mean, you get stuff too,
obviously,

but the money's
always tight,

and you're five steps
ahead of where you should be

but also five steps
behind where you should've been.

- But the mustache
is bad, right?

- Strawberry blondes should not
be allowed to grow facial hair.

- No.

- That should be
in our Constitution.

- Yeah.

Well, we should
probably go back.

God, I hope the brides
have cleared out.

- You know,
no one's really gonna notice

if we're gone another hour
or two.

- Well, what would we do?

- Um...

Oh, we could pamper ourselves.

- Oh, yeah.

[gunfire]
The place is way fancier

than my usual spot.

Moist towelettes
to wipe up the gunpowder.

Man, I feel like
a princess.

- I think I saw
a turquoise one.

- Boom, cake stand.

Silver-plated, lace bows.

This is all kinds of elegant.

If someone came up to you with
a wheelbarrow full of elegance,

you'd have to be like,
"Sorry, homie.

We ass-deep in elegance."

- That's really pretty.

- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah, yeah, no.

That would be--really,

it'd be perfect
for a traditional wedding cake.

- Yeah.
- But we were talking more of,

like, a dessert pot luck
kind of a thing.

- For a wedding?
That seems a little adventurous.

- Jonah says a lot of weddings
are doing more DIY elements.

- We're just looking for
something a little more

specifically curated
to Cheyenne and Bo's--

- Ugh, that word.

- You said I could say
"curated" once a week.

I chose now as my time.

- Honestly, as long
as Bo is there, I don't even--

- Yeah, no, no, no.
Totally, totally, totally.

I'm just saying,
I don't think a wedding

needs to be stuck in
stodgy, old traditions.

- Right, better to have
the wedding in a treehouse,

drinking artisanal cocktails
out of a tuba.

- A DIY element does add
a certain personal touch to it.

- It's a trend,
like dancing down the aisle.

- You know, it's like,
"I'm eating flan.

I'm eating a baklava."

- Why couldn't we just
have a nice, classy cake

like civilized
human beings?

- Give my
taste buds a passport

because they're going
around the world.

- Let's go over
some basics.

[gunfire]
You're gonna take your mag.

The flat part is actually gonna
go towards the back of the gun.

- My favorite uncle
was a cop.

He got me a .22
for my Quinceañera.

- Here, I thought
you were just

the second-hottest
girl at work.

[chuckles]

[gun shots]

Hey, you should come with me
to celebrity night sometime.

They put pictures
on the targets.

I don't want to brag,
but last week,

Kristen Stewart was my bitch.

- Oh, my God.

- Yeah,
it's really satisfying.

.

- So, you just gonna walk
out on your fiancé?

You think that's
"where it's at?"

- Kinda.
Okay.

Like, everyone cool I know
has done that.

Most rappers.
Literally every athlete.

- You know what?

Cheyenne is better off
without you.

- What's this?

"Bo Derek Thompson.

"Suma cum laude,
Harvard Medical School.

Chief of Cardiology,
Johns Hopkins."

- Yo, some of that's
left over

from the computer template
or whatever.

- Wait, this is what
you were doing all day?

You were handing
out resumes?

And your name is Bo Derek?

- Yeah, it's like you said.
Parenting's expensive.

Got to make some paper
for that baby coming, be a man.

- "Managing Editor
of Vogue, 1972-1981."

- I'm impressed, actually.

- Oh no, Amy.
This is all lies.

- Oh, what a surprise.

You picked a white dress.
What a curveball.

- 'Cause that's exactly
what a wedding should be,

a series of curveballs.

- You guys, it's really sweet
that you care,

but both dresses are fugly.

- I just think that
your tastes are

a little more along the lines
of my grandmother's.

- Okay, well,
I just think that

your tastes are
a little more along the lines

of a wiccan space queen.

- What?

- What's your dream wedding,
anyway?

A bunch of people
sweating in a field

while some jag reads from
"The Velveteen Rabbit?"

- What's your dream wedding?

A beige Toyota Camry driven
by a white guy named Matthew?

- What is that supposed to mean?
- You know!

What do you say? You want to
look like my aunt Linda?

- You cannot get married
in a green bean.

- Right this way.

[wedding processional music
playing]

*

- Welcome.
We are happy you're here.

- You guys made this?

- It's really nice.

- You think this is nice?

You better buckle in

'cause the party is
just getting started.

- It is?
We didn't discuss--okay.

[techno music playing]
Oh.

- Pose yourself.
There's nothing like it.

Vogue!

- Wow.
- Vogue.

- Glenn, this isn't
what we agreed on!

- I made a few tweaks.

I turned my safe search
up to the max

and then Googled,
"World's gayest parties."

Wow.

- Listen.
He's trying.

- He's your dad,
two years ago.

- Oh, okay.

- Yeah.

- This was great.

Thank you so much.

- You're welcome.
- Oh, another one.

- Wow.
- [laughs]

- Get those hands up.
- All right.

- Get those hands up.
- All right.

- Whoa.

You look like
a princess.

- You like it?

It's from
the Farrah Abraham collection.

- Who's Farrah Abraham?

- Teen Mom, porn star.

You'd recognize her.

- Don't run away again.

- I won't.

Now we got a bunch
to figure out.

But no matter what,
you and me

are gonna throw
a baller-ass wedding,

raise up a baller-ass shorty,

and have a baller-ass life.

- I think you just
wrote our vows.

[poignant music]

- I give them six months.

- I don't know.

Maybe they'll surprise us.

- Now, let's bleed some green!
Yeah.

Come and get a--take
a little shower in this stuff!

- Or not.

Let 'em start out
with a fun party.

- Yeah.

Hey, by the way,

what we were talking about
earlier, if you tell anyone,

I will staple your--

- It'll stay
between friends.

- Thanks.
[chuckles]

Ear to the wall.

You interrupted,
but that's what I'll staple.

Just know that.

Hey.

[laughs]

Hey, Jonah.

[laughs]

God, you are so funny.

[laughs]

Oh, shoot.