All language subtitles for Superstore.S01E04.WEBRip.x264-ION10_English

.

[loud crunching]

- This is nice, huh?

Taking a well-earned break
with my coworkers.

I feel like I'm finally
fitting in here.

- You don't get to decide
when you're fitting in.

We'll let you know.

- I'm just saying...
I'm getting used to it.

Ugh.

[laughs]

Not getting used to
standing all day.

- That's not a problem
I have to deal with.

- Yeah, well,
lucky you, my friend.

Not luck--lucky--
not lucky you.

That's--I don't think
you're lucky.

- So you think
I'm unlucky?

- Not--well--
you know what I mean.

That's an--it's an expression.

- Why don't you just
eject right now?

- You know, it's so weird
that your feet hurt,

because every time I see you,

I feel like
you're sitting.

- Try doing this job
six months pregnant.

- Yeah, seriously.
That's brutal.

- I didn't know
you were pregnant too.

- I was when I was 19.

Then I gave birth
to my daughter.

So I'm not pregnant now,
but thank you for thinking so.

- I didn't mean
you look pregnant.

I just meant--
- Eject. Eject!

- I didn't know
that you had a child.

I--listen--that's--
I think that's beautiful.

Really, I'm in awe
of single mothers, so...

- I'm married.

- Ooh!

You should've
just ejected, man.

- Why are you in awe
of single mothers?

- I just think it's--it's
very brave to have a child,

especially at your age.

- Well, I didn't set out
to have a baby.

Came from sex.

- Right. Sure.

Uh, but you--you bravely

made the decision
to go through with it.

- Well, I couldn't get a ride
to Planned Parenthood.

- Well, if you ever
need one in the future.

- Jonah, I'd prefer

if you didn't offer
to shuttle our employees

to the abortion clinic.

- No, I meant
rides in general.

- What if it was just
for a pap smear?

Could I get a ride for that?

They recommend one a year,
but I like to go extra.

Make sure everything's
up to code.

- Okay.
I'm just gonna say it.

I'm fine with you
driving your coworkers

anywhere except
the abortion clinic.

- Damn it, Glenn,
you cannot talk about

your personal feelings
on abortion in the workplace.

- I didn't bring up abortion.
- Oh, keep tempting me.

- He did!
- You are begging me to--

- I am allowed to say the word.
- I will write you up so hard!

- Abortion! Abortion!

- I'm recording
this entire conversation.

- Abortion, abortion,
abortion, abortion!

- Thank you very much.
You dug your own grave.

[upbeat music]

*

- I mean, it's kind of
unbelievable, right?

- They're definitely
pretty similar.

- Uh, I don't see it.

- Now I get why you
looked familiar

when you started working here.

At first,
I thought you were

this white dude
from my middle school

who wore his pants backwards

like Kris Kross,
but nah, you him.

- I--I mean,

it's a mannequin
of a Caucasian male.

If that's what you see
when you look at me,

then maybe this is on you.

- Nah, nah, nah,
it's more than that.

It's the eyes...
- Yeah.

- The nose...
- Uh-huh.

- And there's something
about that expression.

It just kind of makes you
want to...

- Punch him in the face.

- A little bit.

- Yeah, I don't--okay.
I'm not seeing any of that.

I'm seeing--I mean, what?

If anything, he looks like
Tom Cruise, I guess?

[both laughing]

- You think you
look like Tom Cruise?

- The mannequin--
- Somebody has a healthy ego!

- I guess I look
like Denzel Washington.

- Yeah, and I look
like Salma Hayek.

Come on, Denzel.

Let's get back to work.
- Okay, Salma.

- I just meant that's
what the mannequin looks--

- Tom Cruise...

[Blue Oyster Cult's
"Burnin' For You" plays]

*

- It'd feel weird
giving my baby to a stranger,

but I also don't know
if I'm ready to be a mom.

- I know the feeling.

I was 19 when I had Emma.

I had no idea
what I was doing.

I just knew I wanted her
to have a better life than me.

- Yeah.

I mean, who knows?

Maybe my baby could
grow up and be

an assistant manager
someday.

- Yeah, or, um, maybe
you could dream even bigger.

- Well, Glenn's the manager.

- Yeah.

Well, you don't have to make
the decision anytime soon.

And you know that if you want
to talk about it, I'm here.

- Thanks.

- I'm also here if you
want to talk about stuff.

I've raised a lot
of foster children.

- Oh, okay.
Well, thanks, Glenn.

That means a lot.

- And if you do decide
that adoption

is the way you want to go

and you feel weird
about a stranger,

well, maybe Jerusha and I
could adopt it.

- Really?

- We've always wanted
a baby of our own.

I mean, foster children
are a blessing,

but it's as if you've been
driving used cars

your whole life.

Just once it would be nice
to experience a brand-new one,

straight from the factory,

that hasn't been
all dinged up, you know?

- Okay.
Well, thanks, Glenn.

We'll keep you in mind.

- Great.

Of course, it's up to you.

Bye-bye.

[distant laughter]

[boisterous laughter]

- It looks exactly like him.

- Oh! Oh, hey, man.
Meet our new employee.

Jonah, meet Jonah.

- He's got my--you put
my clothes on him.

That's funny.
The name tag, and...

So everybody thinks
he looks like me?

- Eh, not exactly like you.

You're a little bit more like,

"Hey, it's me, Jonah.

I like to eat croissants."

[laughter]

- Is that something I say?

- It sounds like
something you would say.

- Yeah, or like,

"Have you seen
this documentary?

It will change your life."

[laughter]

- Sounds kind of British.

- "I pretend to like jazz,

because it makes me
seem cultured."

- "I'm Jonah.
I peel bananas weird."

- Well, that's actually
a life hack.

So...the stems create
a natural holding stick.

That's why the monkeys do it.

[laughing]

It's, um--I saw that
in a--in a documentary.

[upbeat music]

*

- No, honey,
not another foster child.

This one would be
our very own baby.

[inhales deeply]

Well, uh, she doesn't
know the sex yet,

but she did have a dream

where Channing Tatum
told her it's a boy.

- [shrieks]
Oh, my gosh!

- Word on the street
is there's a baby up for grabs.

- Huh? Oh--oh.

Yeah.

We're just thinking,
maybe, about adoption.

It's a tough call.

I'm so young, and it's
a lot of responsibility,

but at the same time--

- Uh-huh, uh-huh.

I'd like to throw my hat
in the ring.

- You?

- Yeah, a baby's
been part of my life plan

since I was ten.

I've got a crap load
of love to give.

Anyway, here are the facts:

I have a comfortable lap,

I can get a burp out of anybody,

and I already lactate
as a side effect

from some fungal
medication I'm taking.

- Cool.

- It is not cool.

It is disgusting,
if you want to know the truth,

but in this case, useful.

The point is, if you
go down the adoption road,

you could do a heck
of a lot worse than me.

Like Glenn,
for instance.

He'd be a lot worse.

- Oh, hey.

- Hey.
- Uh, listen.

About all that
mannequin stuff, sorry.

Everyone was just
messing around.

- Yeah, I know,
I know, I know.

I shouldn't have
even reacted.

I'm still new here.

I don't want my thing to be
that I'm the sensitive one.

- Your thing?

- Yeah, like, you know,

Garrett's the cool one.

Glenn's the nice one.

Cheyenne's the perky,
sweet one.

Carol's the one that says
"hashtag" everything.

- Which one am I?

- You're the,
uh, responsible one.

- The responsible one?

- In a good way!

You're like the house mom
of a frat.

Everybody loves her.

They just don't expect her
to be the life of the party.

- Wow.

- Oh, come on.
Lighten up.

I'm just saying
you're not, like,

one to joke around
all the time.

- [scoffs]

I mean, at least I can take
a little bit of teasing.

- I can take teasing.

- Oh, really?
- Yeah.

I had older brothers.

I--teasing does not faze me.

- Oh, teasing
doesn't even faze you?

- No, it doesn't at all.
I'm fine with it.

- Oh, good.
- Yeah.

- That's good to know.

- It is good to know.

Wh-why is that
good to know?

What do you know?

[laughter]

- You baited
the bear, huh?

- It's fine.

I think it's funny.

It's fine. I'm fine.

This is fine.

- Why is he holding
the bananas wrong?

.

- Okay.

I think that is all of our
princess party supplies.

I hope your cat
has a wonderful birthday.

Ah!

Call that teasing?

Because figure skating

is one of the few sports
that is also an art.

So, if anything, thank you.

[M.O.P.'s "Ante Up" playing]

*

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa.

Let me help you with that.

- Oh, thank you.

You might be carrying my baby.

- Yeah, yours or Dina's.

- What?

- Dina said she might
be interested

in adopting my baby too.

- Dina? Really?

Wow.

Well, whatever
you think is best.

Don't stress.

Bad for baby.

- [grunts]

- I love you, Mommy.

- Yah!
- Ha!

So that's what you would do
if your baby cried, huh?

- Oh, I guess you've heard

I'll be raising
Cheyenne's child.

- Oh, the "H" you will.

You don't know the first thing
about babies.

Do you even know
how to swaddle?

- I used to work part-time
at Chipotle.

Same principle as a burrito.

Different wrapper
and different fillings.

Anyway, parenting's
just about instincts.

- Oh, I've got instincts
for days, lady.

I've got instincts
up the W-A-Z-O-O.

- Oh, really?
- Mm-hmm.

- That was your baby.

She just got a concussion.

- What?
That's not even a real--

- Oops. Skull fracture.

- Okay, there's
a difference between--

you stop hurting my baby!

- And then real Jonah

was standing
next to bride Jonah,

and it looked like real Jonah

was giving bride Jonah away
to the gorilla.

Amazing.
- Oh, man.

- So funny.

- Garrett, finish
the shift assignments.

I love today.

- I mean, I could do
the shift assignments,

or I could finish eating
my mac and cheese.

I wonder what I'll do.

- Could--
- Go on.

- Okay. Let me just...

[laughing]
Oh...

Reggie, thanks
for looking at me weird.

I hope you like
the meat freezer.

[elevator music]

*

[Birdman's "Dark Shades"
playing]

*

- [exasperated sigh]

- Okay.
Shift assignments.

Margie,
who shushed me

this morning
when I was singing.

Oh, look.

You are unpacking stock
in the freezer.

Derek, also in the freezer.

Rebecca, who is icy to me,
cosmetics.

Kidding!

Freezer!

- Um, where's Amy?

- Amy is busy.

And you just talked your way
into the freezer.

- I love to get together
with my employees

and their baby daddies
from time to time.

You know, just so we can all
get to know each other

a little bit better.

- Yeah, networking. Nice.

Let's link it in, G.
- Yeah!

Listen; I apologize
for the mess on my desk.

So many family photos,
you know?

Oh, here's one of me
and my kids at the beach.

Such a--such a special
moment to share.

- Whoa!
This chair's got wheels?

Damn, son! Living large.
What's up?

- Thank you.

- Glenn, if you're trying

to get us to choose you
over Dina, then--

- Not at all!

I mean, it's entirely
up to you guys, right?

- Well, what are we talking?

- Excuse me?

- You know, like skrilla.

- I'm sorry, what is--

- That means money.

Bo, I don't think
we should sell our baby.

- You'd like it
if it was your idea.

[alarm blaring]

- Aw, French fudge!
Um...

I'm sorry.
I have to look into that.

Uh, but I'd be happy to, uh,
you know, discuss bribe money...

and skrilla.

- Yeah.
- Bribe skrilla?

[alarm blaring]

- No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
No! Come on!

Please!

Stop it! Come on!

Everything's fine, guys.

It's fine. Relax. Back up.

- The alarm means
it's too full!

- The machine's just a little
stuck, and I've got to--

Just need to get this into the--
- What--what have you done?

Glenn!
Every--I'm so sorry.

- Oh, God!
- I--no--I didn't--

- Oh, God!
Who is that?

No! You monster!

- It's nothing.
It's nobody.

- You monster!
What have you done?

- No, Glenn!

.

- Okay.

We're just gonna ask you
a few questions

to learn more about
what kind of parents you'd be,

so there's no right
or wrong answers.

- Yeah, just speak
from the heart, yo.

- Okay.
First question.

Are you a pedophile?

- No.
- Definitely not.

- Nice.

So far it's a tie.

- Right.

- I was trying
to get rid of the mannequin

because it was becoming
a distraction.

- Just admit that
my fun pranks got to you,

and that maybe
you're the sensitive one.

- No, there's a difference
between being sensitive

and being annoyed.

You would understand

if someone did
the same thing to you.

What?

Amy, what are you
doing here?

- No.

Jonah, that looks
nothing like me.

- Oh.

Looks like
I touched a nerve, huh?

- No.
- Hey, look at this.

What is Amy doing here?

- That's supposed to be Amy?
- Yeah!

- So sad.

- Well, you totally nailed

the whole six foot tall,
blonde hair thing.

- It's the best
that I could find.

Or, as Amy would say...

I'm totally blanking
right now.

You go.
Go, go, go, go, go.

Go.

- "I look like
a random white girl"?

- Mm, nice try.

- To get a sense
of what our child's life

would be like with you,

what's your neighborhood like?

- Picket fences.
Good schools.

- Are you familiar with
a gang called "Los Guapos"?

It's their turf,
but, uh,

we have an understanding.

So I assume that would extend
to my baby as well.

- Okay, so if a baby

does poo-poo,
would you, like,

wipe it front to back
or back to front?

- Front--back to front.

Front to back.
Front to back.

- What an amateur.
- Final answer!

- No.
Uh, boy or girl?

- Yeah, write that.
That was good.

- Thanks.

- Okay, so, uh,

I'ma throw you, like,
a hypothetical.

Let's say you're, like,
dancing around the room,

and accidentally,
you kick the baby in the face.

How do you say
you're sorry about that?

- Yo, Chief.

- Hey, Garrett.

Check it out.

Shark attack.

- Ooh, that's great.
Hey.

I thought that
you should know that

there's nobody to let anyone
in the dressing rooms,

and it's starting
to get a little weird.

- Well, where is Betty?

- Yeah, Betty had said

something critical
about Lady Gaga,

so Mateo assigned her
to freezer duty.

- Well, you know what?

Let somebody else
fix it for once.

- This is your fault.

You're the one that
outsourced your job

'cause you're busy
with a work flirt.

- Excuse me?

What? Work flirt?
What does that even mean?

- Everybody does it.
You flirt a little bit at work.

Pass the time.
- No.

- I got, like, five or six
work flirts going on

at any given time.

Hey, Jennifer.
What it do, Boo?

- Well, that's great
for you, Garrett,

but that is not
what is happening.

I am not flirting
with Jonah.

This is because
Jonah said

that I was the responsible one.

- [gasps]

No.
- Yes.

- He called you responsible?

- I know.

- Well, then I completely
understand

why you are attaching a shark

to the severed leg
of a mannequin.

- I think my best quality
as a parent is that

I'm a stable, loving,
married man.

So I don't have groups
of strange men

wandering through
my house every night.

- It was one man, and not
since I installed the deadbolt.

- Your brain's a deadbolt.

- Yeah, well at least
I don't have foster children

that I raised
currently in prison.

- It's a juvenile
correctional facility.

- Look, I guess you just
have to ask yourselves,

do you want your child raised
in a home with loaded handguns

laying around?

Or do you want your child
raised by Glenn?

- Do not point at me.

I'll point two fingers
back at you.

- You wouldn't dare.
- Oh, yeah? Ha-ha!

- Okay, you know what?
- See?

- That's a violation
of the code of conduct.

- Oh, is it a violation?
- It sure as heck is.

- Oh, really?
- Yep.

- Who put that in there?
- I did!

- I said I'm sorry.
What else do you want?

- It's just careless

to go around saying
things like that.

This is how rumors get started.

- I was just saying
you were being a little flirty.

I didn't say you were banging
in the break room.

- Come on!
Help me out here.

- Whoa!

- Oh, hey, guys.

.

- This is not how it looks.

- Really?

'Cause it looks
like you got a sex doll

and you dressing it up
to look like Amy.

- Yeah.
- No.

See, that sounds stalker-y,

whereas I specifically
bought this doll

because it already
looked like Amy.

- I'm walking away.

Oh, good.
More people.

- Oh, my God!
- Is that supposed to be Amy?

- No.
- Yes, yes.

I wanted to get back at Amy,

and there are no
mannequins in the store

that look remotely like her.

Which, can we talk
about that for a second?

Why are there no Spanish/Latina
themed mannequins?

- Oh, no, no, no,
we not talking about that.

Let's talk about this.

- Jonah,
what is happening?

- Do you own
one of each of us?

- No!

I went to a bunch of different
stores over lunch,

and then I just happened
to pass this in the window

of a sex shop, and look,
it looks just like Amy.

all: Whoa!

- Yeah, it does.
- Ew!

Jonah, can you
cover that up, please?

It's completely
inappropriate.

all: Oh!

- Problem solved.
- Are you kidding me?

- This is not
a sexual thing.

- Amy, you've got
a good butt.

[upbeat music]

- Cheyenne?

We, uh--we let things

get a little
out of hand before.

- The important thing is,

we are here for you
no matter what,

and we want to do
whatever's best

for your child.

- So that's why
we've agreed

to share custody.

- Huh?
- Yeah.

We're gonna alternate
nights and weekends.

- Yeah, and if both of us
have to work late,

then someone else
can go home with it.

Jonah. Amy.

Garrett.
We'd all trade off.

- Like the class hamster

each child gets a turn
taking care of,

this would be kind of
the store baby.

- Exactly.

- Thank you so much,

but I think Bo and I
are gonna keep it.

- You sure?

Think what's best
for the baby.

- That's what I'm doing.

And you know what?

I think we're gonna be fine.

- So this whole day
was a waste of my time, then.

- Hey. Glad I caught you.

[sighs]

- What is this?

- That is a receipt,

which is proof
that I returned the doll.

- Uh-huh. Wow.

You paid a $400
restocking fee.

- Yeah, it was actually
more than the doll cost.

Um, apparently there's not

a huge after market
for used sex dolls.

- Ew.

- Anyway, I figured out
what today was really about.

- You did?

- Mm-hmm.

- Did Garrett talk to you?

Because that is ridiculous.

That is not what we--

- You were hazing me.

- Yeah.

Yeah, hazing.

That's--it's what
we do to everybody.

- You got me. You got me.

- I mean, it got
a little out of control,

but you passed.

- I passed!
I passed the initiation.

- Congrats.

- So I'm, uh,
part of the group now.

- Yep, welcome, officially.
- Thank you.

All right.

I'll, uh--
I'll see you tomorrow.

- Yep, we'll see
everyone tomorrow.

- Right there,
big ol' wheels.

Oh, this could be bangin'.

How about this one?
- Oh, yeah.

- We trick this thing out
right, you know?

Get my uncle to throw some
tint up on the sides here,

so we don't have, like,
people peeping in

on shorty's little business
going on here?

Yeah.

Big Daddy in the house,
right here.

Shorty by the side.

[mimics horn]

Stand back.
We're taking this for a ride.

Yo, wagwan, selecta,

dissin' on my corruption
and don't you know here.

Boy!

Yeah.

[inhales deeply]

[sighs]

Being a dad and [bleep].

What's up?