All language subtitles for Superstore.S01E01.WEBRip.x264-ION10_English

.

male narrator:
The American superstore.

One-stop shopping

for everything
you could ever want or need.

Do you want to be thinner?

Fatter?

Happier?

Sadder?

Are you looking for friendship?

Or solitude?

Or even love?

- That's actually
a cubic zirconia knockoff.

It's called PlastiClear.

- What happened to
the $8 ones?

- We're all sold out
of those, sorry.

But this one's
only $2 more.

- I get it.

You advertise
the cheap jewelry

to get the suckers
in the door,

then you push
the expensive stuff.

- Well, I wouldn't
use the word "suckers,"

or "expensive,"

or "jewelry."

- [sighs]

Fine.

I got to stand in line
for cigarettes anyhow.

- Great.

I hope you and your fiancée
are very happy together...

And that you don't procreate.

Glenn.
- Huh?

- I'm taking
a mental-health break.

- Okay. Have fun now.

Reflect.

- Just checking over
your new hire forms.

American citizen. Nice.

[chuckles]

No dependents.

Me neither,
unless you count my birds.

[both laugh]

It just doesn't say
anywhere on here

if you've got a girlfriend.

- I didn't--
is there a space for that?

- There's this section here:

"Is there anything else
we should know?"

Some people
like to volunteer it.

- Oh.
Um...then also no.

- No.
- No.

- Okay, well, I will
just jot that down, then.

But you are heterosexual, right?

- Is--are you allowed
to ask that?

- No.

- Smart.

We always keep the best rolls
right in the middle.

[sighs]

- Oh, wait. No, no, no.
Let me help you with that.

- Oh, no, no, no.
I'm fine.

- It's fine, I work here.

It's, like, my--

it's my job to help
customers, so.

- You work here?

Since when?

- Since right now.

I'm--it's actually
my first day.

- Oh.
- I know.

I don't seem like
the kind of person

who would work
in a place like this.

- [laughs]

Yeah, that's why
I was so surprised.

I was like, "What?"

- "What?"
- "Him?"

- "What's he doing
cleaning up toilet paper?"

- I think it's because
you just--you have this

very intelligent, educated,
more cultured quality,

I mean, compared to...

- Yeah. Oh, hey.

Look, I get that
you're complimenting me,

but it might sound
a little condescending,

so, you know...

- Oh, yeah, thanks.

No, I wouldn't want
to sound condescending

in front of somebody
who works here.

- Right.

[laughs]

- [moaning]

Hey, can I run out
for two minutes?

This thing is
kicking my bladder

like it owes him money.

- Oh, you know what,
I'm actually not in charge--

- Yes, of course.
I'll take Carly off express.

And Vivian can bag,
so take as long as you need.

- Ah, thanks.

- Little tip:

don't let the other workers here

know how much better
than them you are.

They hate that.

I don't know why,
maybe because

it sounds condescending.

Welcome.

- I'm...

No, no, no, no!

[upbeat music]

- All right, campers, listen up.

I've got an important
announcement.

This is your garden variety
generic decongestant.

And this is crystal meth, okay?

The tweakers use this
to make this.

So stop selling them this,
so they can't make this.

- That guy told me
he had a really bad cold.

- He was buying 35 boxes,
Cheyenne.

That should have been
a red flag, okay?

Use your noggin.

- Let's thank Dina

for that helpful
tip of the day.

Thank you, Dina.

- Am I the only one
that thinks it's weird

that she walking around
with a bag of crystal meth?

- Hey, listen.

I--I think there might
have been a misunderstanding.

I'm not an elitist, so...

- Oh, elitist?
What is that?

- Like, a person
who thinks their better than...

You know what elitist means.

- Oh, yeah.

They learnt that to us
in public school.

- Anyway, I am so proud

to welcome two new angels
to our Cloud 9 family.

Why don't you
introduce yourselves?

- Okay.

Hello, everyone.

I am Jonah.

And I am--
I am excited to be here.

This is gonna be fun, so...

- My name is
Mateo Fernando Aquino Liwanag,

and I'm here
to make something of myself.

* Spread my wings

Whoo!

See how far I can fly.

Thank you, thank you,
thank you.

- Yeah, I, too, would like
to see how far I can fly.

So...

- Saved it.
- Thank you.

- Now, I used to
end these meetings

with some wisdom
from the Good Book.

But then someone
reported me to corporate.

- Heck yeah, I did.

Look, I'm a Christian too,
but in these four walls,

my bible is the employee
code of conduct.

- We all thank you for it.

- Yeah, you're welcome.

- I pray for you, Dina.

- I pray for you,
too, Glenn.

- No, I'm praying right now.

- I'm praying so hard.

- I'm praying
harder than you.

I know how.

So to welcome
our new employees...

["Jurassic Park" theme plays]

Welcome.

Welcome to Cloud 9.

- This is my jam.

["Jurassic Park" theme]

*

- Hey, do we have
any kind of training?

I've just been wandering

from one department
to another,

trying to look
like I have purpose.

- It works better
if you carry a box.

There you go. See?

You'll learn as you go.

Look, man, only a couple
things to remember:

always show up on time,
don't steal,

and stay on the floor
supervisor's good side.

- The fl--who's
the floor supervisor?

[sighs]

- I got to go get
another box.

- Hey, can we--
can we start over?

I'm...Jonah, as you know.

And you're Ramona.

- Nope, that is not my name.

I just don't like random
strangers using my name

like we're buddies.

- Right, like how hookers

don't like to be
kissed on the lips.

- Did you just compare me
to a hooker?

- No.

- You look bored.

Let me help you
with that.

All electronics are
supposed to be 25% off,

but our POS system is down.

So you scan,
hit "reassign,"

"enter," "override, yes,"

"reduce 0.25,"
"enter, yes, yes."

You are not paying attention.

- I'm sorry. Go ahead.

- "Confirm," "enter, yes."
Got it?

- If I guessed your name,

would you tell me
if I was right?

[Cheyenne shrieks]

- Take this.

- Oh, it's so pretty!

- I'll make a list.

- Oh, excuse me, miss.

Do you know the difference

between a stool softener
and a laxative?

- I'll be
right with you, ma'am.

Cheyenne, what's going on?

- My boyfriend just
asked me to marry him.

- I don't want it soft.

I want it out of me.

- You know, I hadn't
realized earlier

that Cheyenne was the lucky girl
you'd be proposing to.

- Yeah, well,
I knocked her up,

so my dad says I have to.

- [squeals joyfully]

- So romantic.

- That's how I do it, yo.

100% love.

- Bulking agent?

Why would I want more bulk?

- Ugh.

Chey, you didn't say yes,
did you?

- Why wouldn't I say yes?

- Um...

Cheyenne, look at me.

I know how easy it is
to get swept up in the...

romance of all of...this.

But...

think it through, okay?

Don't do something
you're gonna regret

for the rest of your life.

- Yeah, okay.

I'm gonna go sleep on it.

[a-ha's "Take On Me" playing]

- Hey.

I think I got it down.

- No offense,
but you're my competition,

so I'm kind of actually
rooting for you to fail.

Okay, thanks. Bye.

- [speaking indistinctly]

- Hey!

I figured it out.

- We need new shelf flags
for the end caps,

but we should check
the DCPIs first,

because last time...

What is happening?

- Could it be a race riot?

It's so hard to tell
in the early stages.

Could be the rapture,

but then why am I
still here?

- Hey.

I am killing it over here.

- You're only discounting
everything 25%, right?

- Yeah, "scan, "reassign,"
"yes," "override,"

"yes," "reprice--"

- Reduce.
- Huh?

- Reduce 0.25.

Reprice 0.25?

That would change everything
to 25¢.

[clamoring]

Shut it down!

.

[scanners beeping]

- If you sign up for our
Heavenly Shoppers program today,

you'll save 15%
off your purchase,

which would drop
your price to 22¢.

- Stop selling everything!

Shut it down!

Shut it all down!

Sir, you need
to stay right there.

Frank, nobody leaves!

Ma'am!
Ma'am, I'm sorry.

I'm gonna need to recheck
some of these items.

- No thank you,
buh-bye.

- I'm sorry,
I can't just let you leave

with a whole basket
full of 25¢ tech--

Ow!

- I have more where
that came from, lady!

- Oh, I don't think so!

[both grunting]

- Attention, shoppers.

Due to an employee error,

very expensive
electronics

are pricing out at 25¢.

This mistake is being
corrected, so...

stock up quick!

Go, go, go, go!

- What I'm trying to say is,
this is not 25¢.

- [arguing indistinctly]

- Sir, no--

- [arguing indistinctly]

- No two-five, no.

- It touched my car;
it's mine!

- That's not a thing.
- It is a thing.

- I don't want to be
"that guy,"

but if you had to compare
my performance versus Jonah...

- Uh, okay.

- Yeah, you better hurry up,
girl.

You better get that TV.

- Stop, stop!
Please, I'm begging you!

- She's very--she's--
they're very pretty, yep.

- Ow! Frank!

- Y'all don't want to do this.

Please!

[gunshot]

- Sale's over!

- There's no need
to identify

whoever it is

whose fault this was.

We can all learn a lesson here.

- Would that lesson be
not letting Jonah

reprice inventory
in the future?

- It might be, yes.

All right. Punctuality.

I do not tolerate it,

because I do not
tolerate it in myself.

I am an angry man,
so I get places early...

- Hey...

do they allow employees
to date supervisors?

- I don't know. Why?

- Just curious.

- Let's always remember,

the customer is always right.

- Hey, what's-your-name,
check it out.

- Ah.

I was wondering
what was taking so long

to stack a few cans.

- I just--I wanted
to reiterate

how sorry I am
about before.

- And when a customer wants
a can of ginger root beer

and the whole thing
collapses on top of them,

how are you gonna
feel then?

- I was just trying
to have some fun.

- This might be a cultural
thing, but around here,

the less screwing everything up
you do, the better.

- You talking about the cans
or the pricing thing?

- You see, the fact that
it's your first day

and there's already more
than one option

of things you screwed up
is not a good thing.

- Okay, I've made
some mistakes.

I can admit that,
but that doesn't mean

we can't have a little fun
at work, does it?

Or try and find some
moments of beauty

in the everyday?

- Wait, I'm sorry.

Did you really just use
the phrase "moments of beauty,"

like, conversationally?

- Okay, yes,
that's cheesy, but...

Do you remember
"American Beauty"?

Even a plastic bag
can be breathtaking.

- Wow.

That really blew my mind.

Like...

[mimics explosion]

I have goose bumps.

- I felt something.

I'm Jonah.

It's my first day.

[carts crash lightly]

[crashing]

[clattering]

- Okay. Stay still.

- I don't usually
wear eyeliner.

Sharpie occasionally,
but...

- So tell me about
this special guy.

- Okay.

Male, Caucasian,

no discernible scars
or tattoos.

- Sounds dreamy.

- Yeah.

- You know,
speaking of boys,

I've got a pretty big
decision to make.

My boyfriend, he--

- I'm glad we could
bond like this.

Thank you.

- Excuse me,
excuse me!

Hi!

I hung up everything
that was in the dressing rooms,

and I organized it
by style, color, size,

and relevance of designer.

- Wow. Good job.

- I enjoy hard work.

It's just like my mom
always said:

"If you don't work hard,
Baby Jesus will cry."

- Okay.

- I don't think
I could be happy

fooling around
in the parking lot

like the other new guy.

- Slow down!
This is not fair!

You have more experience
on wheels than I do!

- Your disability
is not my concern!

- Seriously?

The only thing I asked you to do
was put the carts away.

- That's what I'm doing,

just somewhat circuitously.

- See you later, sucka!

- Are you trying
to get fired?

What if Glenn sees this?

- Coming through!

Move!

- That doesn't count.

- Go, Glenn! Yeah!

Yeah!
Yes!

In your faces!

Your faces!

Ha-ha!

- Okay. I get it.

You're the fun guy.

I'm the stick in the mud.

Well, I could be fun.

I could have fun;
let's have fun.

- Of course
you can have fun.

- Whoo!

We're playing at work.

- No brakes!

I have no brakes!

.

[Nick Gilder's
"Hot Child In The City" plays]

*

- Peace offering.

- Are those the flowers

that I picked up off
the floor of the garden center?

- Yes.

- They're beautiful
trash flowers.

- Look, I'm sorry, okay?

I have been having
a long day.

Ten years of long days,
actually.

You know, I stock
these glow stars

every single year for
the back-to-school sale.

And then I take them down,

and I put up
the Halloween inventory,

and then Thanksgiving
and Christmas

and Valentine's Day
and Easter

and Fourth of July,

and then back-to-school again.

Hmm.

- That sounds
incredibly not fun.

I see why you love it here.

- It's a good job.

But tomorrow is gonna be
just like today,

and I know that

because today
is just like yesterday.

So...sometimes...

it's just kind of hard to find
those moments of beauty.

- Attention, shoppers.

Even a big box store
has to close,

and it's about that time.

You know, when Pandora
closed her famous box,

there was only one thing
left inside: hope.

I wonder what will be left
inside of this box.

Could it be grace?

I hope not.

If you're Grace's parents,

please pick her up
at customer service.

- I took the initiative
upon myself

to reorganize
the toy section

for the convenience
of adult shoppers.

It was just feeling
overly whimsical.

- I want to show you
something I've been working on.

- Oh. You were working.
Where?

Because I've been in
every single department,

and I haven't seen you
in a couple hours,

unless you were in,
like, the break room maybe.

- Everybody get down
on the ground, now!

[woman screams]

Get down, get down, get down!

Touch the ground!

Or get out!

All right, calm down.

Do what I say,
and nobody gets hurt.

- This is what I trained for.

- Now, I'm gonna start
killing somebody every minute,

unless...

unless you agree
to marry me, Cheyenne.

Hit it!

- Hey, what the [bleep]?

Oh!

[dramatic pop music playing]

*

- * I'll say,
"Will you marry me?" *

- I had nothing
to do with this.

- Yeah, I know.

This is the fault
of YouTube.

*

- * Heard you want
to walk down the aisle *

* You're baby
needs a daddy *

* We've been bangin'
for a while *

* All right, I pay
the consequences of my actions *

* Don't try to change me

* 'Cause I'm a man of actions

Yo!

- What a show.

- I'm calling to report
a code green in progress.

I repeat, code green.

- What's a code green?

- I faxed you a list
of codes last month!

Hostage situation!

You need to get SWAT
down here right now!

- * When all these people
gonna learn *

* We're gonna get burned

* Just waiting for our turn

Yo, #BlackLivesMatter,
y'all.

[makes gunshot noise]

Okay, if you like
what you heard and saw,

I'm currently seeking
representation in all areas.

Also, I do modeling,

so I'm just
throwing that out there.

All right, peace out, St. Louis.

M-m-murr!

- Bo.
- What?

Oh, my bad, yo.

[clears throat]

Cheyenne Tyler Lee,

will you marry me?

Or are you gonna be,
like, a dick about it?

- Oh, I think he's
about to shoot a hostage.

- I'll do what I can.
- Don't do anything.

[gentle music]

- What is this?

*

- Moment of beauty?

- To Cheyenne.

all: Cheers!

- May your marriage
be as sweet and colorful

as this Cloud 9 brand
caffeinated malt beverage,

without the recall
for killing college students.

- Thank you, on behalf
of myself and Bo.

[indistinct radio chatter]

- Well, he did
make it memorable.

I'll give him that.

- I mean, most guys
don't even bother

threatening to kill you
when they propose.

- You were never
in any real danger.

You know that, right?

- Yeah, I know.
It was a fake robbery.

- This is a high-velocity
440-grain lead

flat-nose projectile
with gas checks

and a boxer-primed
brass jacket.

If he'd come within
10 feet of you,

you would have seen his head
explode like a watermelon.

[mimics explosion]

Cleanup on aisle--

I don't even
know what aisle it is,

'cause his brains
would be splattered

all over the sign.

[laughing]

Oh, shoot.

- You know, I wish that we
could wear jewelry at work.

- Oh, it's so...

sparkly.

- You know, I thought
about what you said

about not doing something
that I might regret,

but then, in the moment,
you know, under the stars,

it just felt right.

Without you,
I would have never said yes,

so thank you.

- Oh.

- Well, I should go
bail out my boyfriend now.

Or I mean bail out
my fiancé!

- Aw.

- All right.
I got to get going.

Good night, everyone.

- Good night.

- Hey, wait up.

Wait up.

Hey, I didn't mean to--

That, in there...

I just wanted today

to feel different
than yesterday.

- Well, then you
completely failed,

because that exact same thing
happened yesterday.

- [laughs]

- But...thank you.

Okay.

I really do
have to get going.

See you at work
tomorrow, Jonah?

- You certainly will...champ.

- [laughs]

Amy.

- Nice to meet you, Amy.

- Yo, you should
come with us, man.

We're gonna throw some mannequin
limbs in the dumpster

and watch garbage men freak out.

- That sounds awesome.

- It is awesome.

Come on.

[uplifting music]

*