All language subtitles for Superstore 4x19 - Scanners.AVS_SVA.en-en

The customer can type in
what they're looking for.

This will tell them where
in the store to find it.

They can scan it themselves,
swipe their credit card,

and leave the store.

So basically, these scanners
are gonna make us obsolete.

This is it! The robots
are coming for our jobs.

Are the scanners gonna be
listening to everything we say

like our phones do?

Our phones do that?

Absolutely.

Last week, I was talking a lot
about penis enlargement.

Now it's, like, every ad I see.

Listen, technology has been
taking jobs for years.

Think about what happened with
bank tellers and ATM machines.

It's just ATMs.

Exactly. It's only ATM machines now.

No, you don't need the "machines."

Nobody needs the machines,
but it makes our lives easier.

This is just the beginning.

What kind of job will be left
for me 30 years from now?

Powerlifter? Zumba instructor?

Okay, everyone relax, all right?

It's just a fancy price gun.

It's not a threat,
no one's getting replaced.

Yeah, yeah.

Uh, also, um, lastly...

Corporate is asking us
to cut back on some hours,

so maybe check the schedule?
Okay, have a nice day!

Whoa, whoa, whoa. What?

Synced and corrected by hawken45
for www.addic7ed.com

I just don't think anybody's
gonna use these.

Do you really think our customers

are gonna take the time to figure out

how to make this thing work?

- What was that?
- It just scanned that toaster.

From here?

Ooh, try aiming

for the Breton three-quarter sleeve.

- The what?
- The Breton?

The boat neck poly blend?

Come on, man.

Sorry, straight men.

The black and white shirt over there.

Oh. Got it.
That's unbelievable.

Hey Cheyenne,

hold up that bag of chips
up above your head.

Oh. Okay.

Flamin' Hot Funyuns.

- Yeah!
- Now spin around.

Okay.

Well, I know what we'll be doing today.

Got it! Flamin' Hot Funyuns.

Whoo.

So how many hours
are we all going to lose?

Um, you know,
I can't say exactly right now.

I'm still working on the schedule.

We do know we'll have at least one tall

and one skinny per shift.

That way, we retain access
to high shelves

and crawl spaces.

Well I need all the hours I can get.

I just signed my son up
for some STEM program

- I can barely afford.
- STEM?

Science, technology, um, energy.

I don't know. Nerd stuff.

I would hate having
to take that away from him.

It would break his little heart.

Hmm. Yeah.

Please don't make me break
his little heart.

- Woof.
- Well, this sucks.

Corporate's the one reducing hours.

I'm just the one making the schedule.

Well, you can't really blame
them for trying to cut costs

in this world of online retail.

Have you been to FashionThreads.com?

They sell everything we do,
but at half the price.

Really?

Okay, we have to stop talking

about online retail in the store.

Look, if people here are pissed at you,

that's their problem.
Just shrug it off.

Well, that's easy for you to say, Dina.

You're not the one that they're
going to be blaming

for taking away their pay.

Hell, if you want, tell
everyone I made the schedule.

I don't care if people hate me.

In some sexual situations, I prefer it.

Excuse me, what is that website again?

FashionThreads.com,

but if you want, I can send you a link,

and then we'll both get a code
that gets us

10% off our next purchase. Yes, please.

Okay, what's your email?

One, two, three,

four, five and turn!

- Me first! Me first!
- Oh, I got you, bitch!

All right, it says "Gold Bond"

"Medicated Foot Powder" was first.

Which means the winner is

Cheyenne "Sensodyne Rapid Relief" Lee!

Oh, yeah! Sens-o-dyne!

What is going on over here?

We're playing scanner duel.

Two people each get a scanner,
and then Mateo loses.

That sounds like fun. Can I play?

You wanna play?

Yeah. Guys, I'm not the boss anymore.

If you guys are having

a little secret, naughty fun time,

I'm into it.

Unfortunate wording.

Hey Amy?

I saw I only have 30 hours next week.

Yeah. Um, look, Sandra,

everyone's hours have been cut.

It's just a bad time for me.

An identity thief stole my identity

from the guy who stole it first,

and the charges are racking up.

Oh, wow.

And then, remember that
Brazilian model who emailed me

about opening a joint bank account?

Well, that also went sideways.

Look, Sandra, um,
I would help you if I could,

but, um... Dina made the schedule.

Hey Dina, um,

do you think maybe you could
throw Sandra some hours?

It seems like maybe you cut too many.

Oh, yeah. No, sorry.

The schedule I made
is the schedule I made.

Come on, really?

I mean, she's going
through a lot right now.

Yeah, I mean, my credit is only 60

and my Brazilian credit is two.

Um, yeah, everybody has problems.

Don't care. Not making any changes.

Ugh! I mean, I'm sorry.

I really do wish
that I could help you, Sandra,

but it's... it's out of my hands.

Yeah, well, thank you
for trying at least.

Thank you.

Listen, like I said,
it doesn't bother me.

And, you know,
people dislike you enough.

We don't need to add
any fuel to that fire.

What fire?

All right, so everybody's
got a UPC sticker.

You're gonna put that
on your shirt or vest.

Stickers on the vests!

Okay, there's two teams...

Two teams. One versus the other.

Okay, Glenn, thank you
so much for the energy,

but let's get through this.

Uh, if you picked "soup,"
you are with me.

If you picked "yogurt,"
you are with Garrett.

I got peach yogurt, can I switch?

'Cause peaches make
the inside of my mouth itch.

Okay, to be clear,
nobody is eating the product.

- This is just a way...
- Don't eat the products!

For us to divide up into teams.

Um, mine says "plain."
Which team am I on?

That's yogurt because there's
no such thing as plain soup.

There was during the Depression.

Good point.

All right, guys, it's dodgeball rules,

which means if you're hit,
you're eliminated.

First team to eliminate
the other team wins.

Any questions?

Uh yeah, did Jonah put
all the white people

on one team on purpose?

Oh, um, no. That was just an accident.

- Oh, a happy accident?
- I never said happy.

- I heard you say happy.
- I think these teams are fine.

No one asked what you think, Sandra.

Oh, my God. Can we just play?

Yes, thank you.

Okay, two minute grace
period to disperse,

and then the game begins. Good luck.

Let's go, white people!

Hey Amy, I've only worked
two hours today,

and now I'm supposed to go home?

How is that fair?

Um, I don't know.

I didn't make the schedule. Dina did.

Dina, um, is there anything
you could do for Marcus?

I really need the money.

My finances are a little
complicated right now.

Afraid not. My hands are tied.

Sorry, I just realized "frayed knot"...

super solid rope pun.

I've got to use that
on purpose some time.

- Unbelievable.
- She cut my hours, too.

So much for Jackson's STEM program.

What's a STEM program?

I don't know. Would everyone please

stop asking me that?

Guys, I'm really sorry.

Hey, don't blame yourself.

You gave her a chance.
She's the one who whiffed it.

Yeah, she totally whiffed it.

Ugh! Why did I have to let her do it?

Ah, Kim, you suck!
"American Sniper," baby!

Why does she scream "American Sniper"

every time she hits somebody?
It makes it so much worse.

How are we supposed
to get her in there?

If this was the real world,

I'd just chuck a grenade in there.

And by real world,
you're talking about?

"Call of Duty."

Oh, we can throw a raccoon in there,

except they're never around
when you need them.

If there was just a way that
we could sneak up behind her.

Oh, what about the service tunnel

behind the walls?

You know, that's a great idea.

Why don't you do that
and we'll distract her?

Cover me.

Why do we need to distract her?

I don't know. I guess we don't.

Yeah, it just seems
unnecessary, you know,

if she's already facing out.

It's, like, what would be the point?

Okay, are we just going
to be picking things apart?

Is that what you want to spend
the rest of the day doing?

I mean, I come up with an idea, like...

Yeah, well, you know
I'm right, so whatever.

Sandra! Got you!

Got you! Oh yeah!

Yeah, I was waiting for you for hours!

Yeah.

- Oh, that was fun.
- Can I get you...

- Help you out?
- Oh, thank you.

Okay, let's... I...

Thank you.

Hey, is this your kid?

No. I mean, yes.

Eh, you already said no. Beat it.

So what's your deal?
You waiting for someone

to buy you liquor or something?

No, I'm waiting for my mom.
She works here.

- Who's your mom?
- Janet Woods.

You didn't hear?
She died, like, a month ago.

- What?
- Woods!

Sorry, I was thinking Rogers.
No, no, your mom's not dead.

She's very alive. Cool science kit.

Thanks?

I'm sorry you're not
going to be able to go

to that STEM science program thing.

It's just a tough economy
right now, you know?

Wait, I can't go to the program?

I don't know. I mean, maybe, maybe not.

You should talk to your mom.

I mean, she... she knows
you better than I do.

Oh, you're really Droopy Dog
about this, aren't you?

Ah...

Oh, God.

Oh, man!

Marcus?

Whoa!

Hey, Mateo.

What are you doing here?

Oh, just got, uh, sent home early.

Are you living here?

What, like some homeless person?

No, no! God, no.

I...

I... I sleep here.

I live in my car.

Oh.

I want to get her
something really special.

They don't know if she'll make it

through the surgery, so this could be

our last Mother's Day together, and I...

Got you, Earl!

Damn it!

[bleep] this game!

Uh, just for a little bit,

you know, until I get back on my feet.

Please don't tell anyone.

I... I'd offer to give you money, but...

It's okay.

Well, I'm just gonna...

Hey, wait, wait! No, wait.

Uh, why don't you just stay
and hang out?

Do you like sushi?

'Cause I make a mean shrimp ramen.

That's not sushi.

Um, you know, I'm actually trying to...

Please stay.

Hey boss, quick question.

Do we have any wiggle room on hours?

Uh, well, I don't know.
You made the schedule!

Ha-ha. Yeah.

I was just hoping to give
a few extra to Janet.

Just met her son... cute kid...

and I, uh, feel kind of bad.

Yeah, I mean, I wish we could,

but they were really strict
about cutbacks,

and if we give her more,
we're gonna have

to take them from someone else

and then that's just gonna
start a whole thing, so...

Mm-hmm, yeah. No, absolutely.

I get it. Don't even worry about it.

I was, uh, just wanting to ask.

- You okay?
- You know what's funny?

I've, uh, never had a problem
hearing people's sob stories.

It's, like, that's just words,

but when you... when you see them,

the people actually hurting,

it's, uh... it's kind of a bummer.

Yeah, um...

Look, Dina, if this
is all just too much,

we could just stop telling people

that you made the schedule.

Yeah?

'Cause if it's all the same
to you, maybe we should.

Y... yeah. Although, you know, I mean,

I would hate for people to think

that I demoted you.

- They wouldn't.
- They might.

Oh, it wouldn't bother me if they did.

Yeah, but you also thought

this wouldn't bother you,

and now we're here, so...

Yeah.

You're probably right.
Well, back out there.

I mean, I guess I could...

- Huh?
- Huh?

I didn't say anything. Um, pipes.

Oh.

- Bye.
- What?

Just bye. I was just saying bye.

Oh. Bye.

First the baby wipes were in Baby,

then they moved them to Pharmacy,

and now they're back in Baby again.

Uh, isn't the Baby section that way?

Yeah, but we're taking the long way.

There's a bunch of white people
over there

and I don't want to get shot.

Oh. Okay.

It's awful. I've been telling everyone

that Dina's the one
who made the schedule,

and she says that she's fine with it,

but I feel weird.
What are you looking at?

Nothing. I'm listening. Keep going.

It just feels like I'm asking her

to take the blame for something I did,

although, you know, it's not my fault

corporate decided to cut the payroll.

- Hmm, hmm! Hmm!
- Jonah, what are you doing?

Just hugging you. Hugging you tightly.

Okay, well, thank you.

Thanks. I feel better now.

- You can stop.
- Hmm, oh, you know what?

Have you seen
the new SodaStream display?

Jonah, what are you doing? I can walk!

Jonah, put me down!

It's just not a good time for me.

My husband just got
laid off from his job,

and the bank wants to
foreclose on our house.

Yeah, yup, yup.

And I just found out I'm pregnant

and I know it's going
to be triplets again.

Don't care. Can't help you.

I make the schedule.

Do you want to see a picture of my dog?

Mm-mm!

He's very sick

and he has alopecia.

No, shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!

Oh! Oh, he's so ugly.

Oh, you should put him
out of his misery.

- No!
- That's no way to live.

Mmm. Mmm.

Sorry it's so crunchy.

I can't get water to boil down here,

so it just comes out a little Al dente.

That's fine.

God, out of all the people
that work here,

I can't believe I'm the homeless one.

It's so embarrassing.

Everybody's got something.

Myrtle's super old,
Isaac's got anger issues,

Jonah wears a wig, probably.

Well, I'll tell you one thing, buddy.

It ain't easy.
You would crack in a day.

Well, that seems
needlessly antagonistic.

It's true. You couldn't handle it.

Always worrying
if you're gonna get caught,

wondering what people
would think if they knew.

Oh, I think I could handle it.

Come on. Your cushy little life?

You don't know my life,
and it's not that cushy.

Dude, I'm homeless!

Dude, I'm undocumented.

Seriously?

Yeah, so suck it.

Oh.

Hey, thanks for telling me.

We have each other's secrets now.

Let's make a pact.

I won't say anything about your thing

unless my thing comes out,
and vice versa.

Um, you can't say anything
about my thing.

And I totally won't,
unless my thing gets out.

Ride together, die together.

Oh, God.

Jonah Simms, please come
to Health and Beauty.

Jonah Simms, you're needed
in Health and Beauty.

This is Jonah Simms.
What exactly am I needed for?

Uh, customer has a question
about Wet N Wild dry shampoo.

I'm sure someone over there
can help the customer.

You know what?
He asked for you specifically.

They said you had great hair.

Please tell the customer thank you,

but it's genetic.

I think, uh, they would prefer

to hear that from you in person,

and also, he wants to talk about

the "This American Life" podcast.

Uh, and I'd love to do just that,

so perhaps you could bring
the customer over here.

Glenn Sturgis, please come
to Health and Beauty.

Glenn Sturgis, please come
to Health and Beauty.

I'm on my way!

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Glenn, Glenn, no, no, no, no.

It's just that if I lose my hours,

I can't afford my arthritis medication,

and without my arthritis medication,

I can't open the bottle
for my heart medication,

and then it just spirals after that

and then I die.

You know what? I'm... I'm gonna see
what I can do, all right?

You're giving her more hours?

My son is crying in the caf� right now

because he can't go to Nerd Camp.

Fine, I'll give you both
more hours, okay?

Uh, Dina? Uh, you're just

giving people their hours back?

You are? Can I get mine back too?

- Sure, what the hell?
- No, I don't think she...

Thank you! Thank you.

Oh, you're just giving them
out left and right, huh?

You're like Oprah,

if she didn't stop
to think things through.

- I'll take some hours.
- Done.

- Hey Dina...
- Now go put down your dog.

Um, Dina, I just wanna make
sure you're not promising hours

that don't exist.

Well, we're in it now, aren't we?

All right, who else wants
some hours, huh?

Come and get 'em while they're hot!

Dina, we don't have
the hours to give people!

You can't just go around
giving them out

like you're Ebenezer Scrooge!

- What?
- In the end, once he's nice.

Look, if you want to go
out there and look those people

in their sad little faces
and take back the hours,

be my guest.

Me? No!

You're the one who decided
to play Hour Fairy!

Dina, this is very hard to do
while you're on the floor.

Can you please just get up
for just a second?

Nope. I'm down for the count.

You can grab some floor if you want.

- It's nice, right?
- I guess.

What are you...

Could you just...
just give me a little pull?

Okay!

Excuse me, I need
to return a plastic tarp.

When I opened it up,
it had blood on it.

Do you have a receipt?

- Ow!
- Oh, oh!

Are you okay?

Something bit me!
Something [bleep] bit me!

What, I... what? What is...

Ow! Get it off of me!

I don't see it. I don't see it.

Get it off! You have
to get the suckers out!

I don't see any suckers!

That's 'cause you're the suckers.

Beep, beep.

You dead, fools.

- Oh, how do you like me now?
- Team Yogurt wins.

You... no. No, no, no, no.

Come on, guys! That is not fair!

That's what losers always say.

No, no, no. Glenn, Glenn.

They got us fair and square, okay?

Or... or did you get yourselves?

- What?
- What?

Well, it's just that
if you look at your scanner,

you'll see that I replaced my price tag

with blueberry yogurt, which is you,

so it looks like you're the suckers.

- Ah, it's a switcheroo!
- No, no, no, no.

No switcheroo. That's just cheating.

We never said we couldn't switch tags.

Yeah, whatever, dude. We won.

- Team Yogurt for life.
- Mm-hmm.

- No.
- Mm-hmm.

- Yogurt, yogurt, yogurt...
- Is it?

No, no. Not yogurt, no. Soup.

- Yogurt, yogurt, yogurt.
- Soup! Soup!

Yogurt.

Yum.

- Jerry?
- Hey, Sandy Bear.

What... what are you doing here?

I'm picking up Carol.
She's making me get a haircut.

She says I look like a hippie.

Oh.

Well, don't take too much off.

- I like your hair.
- Really?

Yeah.

I always thought that you'd
look great with a Mohawk.

See?

You're the only one who gets me.

You know what's weird to think about?

That the default Newton was fig.

I mean, why would you start there?

Yeah, I guess that is random.

You'd think they start

with something more basic,
like strawberry.

Exactly, and then after many years,

and trying many different fruits,

maybe you take a chance on fig.

But, it's not a cookie,
it's a straw-Newton?

That doesn't have the same ring.

I guess.

Well, I guess at some point,
we should discuss

the new schedule and figure out

where those hours are going
to come from.

Yeah.

Hey, what are you watching these days?

Mostly knife trick tutorials
on YouTube.

I can do a double rollout
with a five-inch butterfly.

Grownups watch YouTube?

That's all I watch.
What else do I need?

It has everything you ever want
to see in one place.

Hey, I thought everyone left.

They did but, you know,
you drove me, so...

Ah, yes. I forgot. Sorry.

Oh, it's been a rough day.

It has.

Hey, why am I on the schedule
only three hours next week?

Um, so we had to do
some reallocating of hours,

so I just took them off from you.

I hope that's all right.

This is not what I intended

when I started sleeping with the boss.

Big miscalculation on your part.

You know, if I get evicted,

I'm gonna come stay with you.

All right, I could empty some drawers.

I mean, you are over
all the time anyways,

so you could just,
like, stay over or whatever.

I'm sorry, are you asking me
to move in with you?

I'm... I'm saying that
you can move in with me

if you feel like that's what you need.

Oh, you're... you're allowing
me to move in with you.

You're... you're allowed, yes.

Okay, sure.

Why not?

- Okay. Cool.
- Cool.

Hey, the white people
are going out for wings.

You coming?

Oh, no thanks. Have fun, though.

No idea what that was about.

credits