All language subtitles for State.of.the.Union.S01E08.Dolphins.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-NTG_track3_eng

Cheers.

Oh.

- Well...
- Oh, well.

You wanna...

Ooh-ee.

Ah... Oh.

You haven't started, um...?

Are you going on a date
after this?

No. God, no.

I just thought that after what
we talked about last week...

Oh, I'm sorry about that.

- No, you were right.
- No, it was a bit of a rant.

I deserved it.

I told you
your unemployment was unsexy.

- You told me I was unsexy.
- I didn't say that.

You did.
I listened to it again.

What? How?

I've been recording
the sessions.

Seriously? You've been recording
the sessions and listening back?

Yes. I put my phone on the table
before the second session.

Kenyon asked if you were OK
with it. You said yes.

Oh. I thought she was asking

if I was OK with you putting
your phone on the table.

That would have been weird.

Not as weird
as you recording the sessions.

- When do you listen to them?
- They're good for dog walking.

I mean, actually,
they're pretty gripping.

Like BBC radio drama
kind of thing?

Yes, except there are
some credibility gaps, like,

"Wow, these two would never
get together in real life."

Ha.

Yeah, well, that's the beauty
of real life, isn't it?

- We did get together.
- Yes, I was aware of that.

I'm just saying it...

it was a plot point
I didn't really believe.

The real world can be
beautifully unpredictable.

And here we are,
two wonderful children.

- You're not wishing those away?
- No, of course not.

It's just, maybe we should
have had two wonderful children

with other people.

What, four wonderful children
who have never met each other?

Oh, the thought of that
just breaks my heart.

Why? Why would you care
if they didn't know each other?

They'd sort of be half-brothers,
wouldn't they?

Well, they might not all be boys

and they absolutely
would not be related.

Oh, I think they would,
spiritually.

So, do you think our children
are related

to what's-her-name's children?
What's her name, your ex?

- Sinead?
- No, of course not.

You might have had
children with her.

That was never on the cards.

You're just jumping
in and out of fantasy worlds

to suit your argument.

No, I just happen to be more
sentimentally attached

to the children
that we never had

than the children
I never had with her.

I'm romantic like that,
so shoot me.

So, why did we get together
if it was all so unlikely?

Because I was going through
a dry spell.

That's it?

You asked why we got together,
not why we stayed together.

Did you have long-term designs
the night we met?

Yes, yes,

but the long-term turned into
the short-term pretty quickly.

Because I was so easy,
you mean?

Agreeable, I'd say,
rather than easy.

And then no plan?

Not no plan, just same plan.

Just...

Right. Isn't that
how most people get together?

They want to end a dry spell

and everything sort of gets
out of hand?

I suppose,
unless there's money involved.

I can't imagine
that massive-breasted woman

who married the billionaire
was worried about a dry spell.

And Jane. Jane said she knew
she was gonna marry Charlie

the first time she saw him.

And then there's people
who are friends for a long time

before they fall in love.

And arranged marriages.

But, like you say, yes,

a lot of people start with sex
and go from there.

I don't know,
it's like starting in a new job.

One day follows another and...

20 years later
you're still there

but you can't know
on your first day.

No, otherwise
you'd shoot yourself.

If it was a boring job.

Do you remember anything
about the first time we had sex?

Yes, of course.

Really?

- I can't.
- No, neither can I.

I mean, I remember there was
some disappointment, I think.

I was hoping
you'd forgotten about that.

That's why I wanted
to give it another go.

I didn't think it was fair
to judge you on that one time.

- Ditto.
- Oh, right.

What did I do wrong?

No, just...
It was a bit... lackluster.

Oh, so it's all
coming back to you now?

I don't remember everything.
I just remember you were...

medium, six out of ten.

6.5 maybe.
Let's say two-thirds. Me?

Well, it was basically
a no-jump, wasn't it?

Or a... a let, so I don't think
I can really give you a score.

Let's stop talking about this.
It was 15 years ago.

We've moved on
to better things.

And back again
like a pleasure cruiser.

Well, maybe that's
the trajectory of married sex.

It's just once around the rocks
to see the seals and then home.

Around the rocks
to look at the seals?

The dolphins or whatever.

When were the dolphin years?

You know what I mean.

- Not really.
- Yeah.

I remember some...

marine escapades
before the children came along

on kitchen tables and whatnot.

What, the kitchen table
being the dolphin?

Yes, and the shower
and the garden.

And didn't we do
something on the...

No, we didn't, did we? No.

- What were you thinking of?
- No, nothing.

It wasn't recently, was it,
with your friend?

No! God, no, of course not.

Why "of course not"?

Because we're...

Do you really wanna
go into this?

I don't know. Kind of.

I'm terrified but I'm curious.

Because it was...

It was just sex.
There was no dolphins or seals.

- But blindfolds.
- No.

Why would you ask me
about blindfolds?

Have you wanted me to wear
a blindfold all these years?

- No. Not really.
- Not really?

Not a blindfold as such.

Can you draw this thing
if it's complicated?

I mean, I could try
and knit one if it helps.

God, you must be bored.

- Are you?
- You first.

Well, God, it's hardly the time
to ask me, is it?

I'm bored with nothing at all,
that's for sure.

What if I'd asked you
a year ago?

You didn't.

And now you just don't wanna
answer hypothetical questions?

Why don't we just say it?
I mean, we were both bored.

It's...

It's become less and less
important to us

and then you packed it in
and then everything went wrong.

Isn't that right?

No.

- What have I got wrong?
- Well, I was never bored.

But I did feel humiliated.

- Humiliated?
- Because I knew.

I knew you were bored.

I could feel you were bored.
There was...

There were indications.

And so I felt embarrassed.

Because I got
knocked back so often.

God, I'm sorry.

I thought I knew where
this conversation was going.

No, no, no.
It's not your fault, of course.

We just... we bounce back
and forth against each other.

I'm boring, you get bored.

I get even more boring,
you get even yet more bored.

Our sexual relationship
is like a Newton's cradle.

And even they stop in the end.

Do they? I thought that was
the whole point of them.

What, you thought
they went on forever?

I thought they were
a perpetual-motion machine.

So why aren't there any
still going?

I presumed people got bored
of the clacking sound

or they get fired
and have to move offices.

You know that perpetual-motion
machines don't exist, don't you?

I did not know that.

Otherwise our energy problems
would be solved forever.

How can you power a car
with an executive clacking toy?

Well, it's not the... I mean,
we're getting side-tracked.

Maybe that's what we expect
marriage to be,

a perpetual-motion machine
that never runs out of energy,

but we have kids
and we have a mortgage

and we have your mum
and my mum

and we have the school run
and we have work and no work.

I mean, how can you not
get ground down by it?

It's OK.

- I don't deserve that.
- Why not?

Because I cheated on you,
and I...

And I...

And I said I was bored in bed
as an explanation.

Yes.

And my depression
and my unemployment.

Oh, God, I'm a charmer.

I mean...

...being bored isn't the worst
thing in the world, is it?

Life is long

and we're only just
halfway through it.

I suspect it's only long
if you're not enjoying it much.

Well, there you go.
See? Doing you a favor.

What, relativity
and perpetual motion

all in one short conversation

about our ongoing
marital shambles?

Yep. You gotta be pretty brainy

to get out
of being married to me.

I wanna talk
about the future today.

- Good.
- Where it went.

- Oh.
- I can't... I can't see it.

And it used to be
so clear to me.

It was...
It was right in front of me.

I was... I was marching
towards it purposefully.

I was like one
of those Soviet workers

in the propaganda posters.

It was shiny and bright
and full of...

Well, I don't know
what it was full of. It was...

Golden cornfields,
factories, tanks?

Well, my equivalent, anyway.

- Which was?
- I can't remember.

You can't remember the future?

Nope.

Oh, look, they've gone
over their time.

Like you said before,
why bother?

Haven't got long left.

Oh, God, I did say that,
didn't I?

- That was awful of me.
- Yeah.

Maybe she's had an affair?

Why not him?

More of a woman thing.

- Oh dear.
- What?

Do you think he's not very well?

- What? Like he's dying?
- Maybe.

That's all we bloody need.

Now Kenyon will think
that our problems are pathetic

by comparison.

Oh, she'll be impatient.

Well, at least
they'll make it through.

Is that the future?
Making it through?

I think I'd settle for that.

Isn't that the goal
of every marriage,

making it through?

I'm not sure
there's anything else.

I don't know
if I can march towards that.