All language subtitles for S03E22 Town Hall

I've got three rules.

Don't date co-workers,

don't move in with co-workers you date,

and don't dump co-workers
you live with and date.

Can I move back in with you?

Ugh.

Synced and corrected by hawken45
for www.addic7ed.com

So, Neil Penderson, that's our CEO,

will speak first, followed by Glenn,

and then Neil will take
a few more questions.

Let's try and remember
this event is going to be

live-streamed, so...

let's try to avoid anything
controversial, okay?

Laurie, by live-stream

do you mean in the conventional sense,

like running water or...

No, I mean you're going to be filmed

and then broadcast live
to all of our stores.

Oh!

I'm sorry, isn't the whole point

of a town hall that
you can ask anything?

Oh, no, Jonah, are you
upset because they told you

it was one thing then yanked
the rug out from under you?

Ohhhh.

When you say all of the stores,

do you mean all the stores
in the St. Louis area...

I mean all of our stores
across the globe.

So, Earth.

That's fun.

Ooh, I'm going to ask
what's the craziest

rich person thing he's ever done.

I bet it's something like

blowing up a cow with a bazooka,

or hunting a person.

Oh, that dude's definitely
played the most dangerous game.

I'm... going to...

add that area to this list.

Uh, why can't we talk about Myrtle?

Uh, because we had to fire Myrtle.

So we don't need people asking
those kinds of questions.

What kind of questions?

You know, who knows?

We're not hiding anything,
so I really couldn't guess.

7.594 billion people.

How are we not sinking?
I feel like I'm sinking.

Oh. Hi.

Hi.

What are you doing in here?

I'm guessing the same thing as you?

Oh, right, 'cause you know me so well.

Okay, fine, what Laurie said
about firing Myrtle was weird,

so I thought I'd check her file.

What are you doing?

Same thing.

Well, I think I can handle it, so...

Well, you don't know where it is.

It's alphabetical.

Do you know her last name?

Or were you just checking
under "M" for Myrtle.

She's in my phone as "Myrtle Old."

Hmm. Yeah, check "O" for Old.

That's too many of those things.

It's medicine. You can't have too many.

Everything okay?

Do you know how many
countries we have stores in?

China, France, India, Mexico.

That's most of the Small World ride.

Yeah, but the only people
who are going to see it

are Cloud 9 employees and the
customers that happen to be there.

Yeah, I guess that's true.

And even if there's, like,

a hundred people watching in each store,

how many stores are there world-wide?

I don't know, maybe 1,800.

Right, so that's
like only 180,000 people.

Which is actually
a large number of people.

You're not helping.

Repeated absences,
bad attitude, insubordination.

I'm surprised Myrtle
wasn't fired sooner.

No, look at these dates.

All of these are within
the last six months.

What... she just goes 30 years
without a single write-up

and overnight gets bad at her job?

Well, she was not great.

No, I know, she's been
not great at her job

for 30 years, so why all of a sudden

is Glenn writing her up?

It's not Glenn.

Jeff Sutton, Jeff Sutton, Jeff Sutton.

Since when does a district
manager write up floor workers?

We have to talk to Jeff.

Or I have to talk to Jeff.

Well, I want to talk to him too.

Well, you can talk to whoever you want.

I'm not in charge of who you talk to.

Jonah's a jerk, by the way.

You deserve so much better.

Thanks. I appreciate that.

So what are we going to do to him?

Revenge porn on the Internet?

Give his credit card info to a bum?

Or...

maybe someone tells the
cops he's cooking meth.

Then, uh-oh, there's an ounce of it

found in his sock drawer.

How'd that get there?

Wow, that's aggressive.

Or he's got two brothers.

Be a shame if something
happened to them.

Then he'd be all alone.

Well...

I'm just going to go...

Well let me know, Carol.

I've got nothing to lose anymore.

Thank you for meeting with us.

Yeah, well, that's the beauty

of the ride-share game.
I go where I want when I want.

I meet tons of new people
and I get to listen

to what's on their Spotify,
and I love it,

and I'm really, really loving it.

Cool. That's cool.

- Can we talk about Myrtle?
- Yes.

I'm sorry, okay, so, um...

There was a mandate to write up

any employee over the age of 70

to give us a pretext
for firing them, okay?

It didn't matter for what.

I once wrote Myrtle up
for wearing gang colors,

and I know she's not a Crip.

Why would they do that?

Old people are slower,
they have higher medical costs.

I was asking Jeff.

Um... that.

So, what you're saying is
Myrtle is now out there

collecting cans for coins

because you needed
to increase the bottom line.

Look, that's just the
corporate culture over there.

It's the mindset. Anything is justified

as long as it saves a dollar.

Believe me, if there was something
I could do to change that, I would.

Well, maybe there is.

Hi! Are you Alejandro?

No, sorry.

Oh, sorry, wrong car.

Alejandro has five stars.

I'd love to meet him.

We can't let corporate
get away with this.

Yeah, if Myrtle can be fired just
because of her age then who's next?

Probably Dale.

I think Henry's older, actually.

It goes Henry, Dale, Brett, Todd.

Dude, Todd's like 40.

Really? He looks bad for 40.

Have you seen his wife though?

Oh, she is so beautiful.

Okay, guys, can we bring it back?

She's Nordic.

- Mm.
- Look, there is a plan.

It just means we all
have to work together.

- Right, exactly.
- Mm-hmm. Yep.

So, you know how they're
going to live-stream

the town hall meeting
to the entire company?

Okay, so we're going to sneak
Jeff into that meeting.

And then, he's going to
stand up in front of the CEO,

and the cameras,

and say why Myrtle was really fired.

Wait, you're asking us
to sign on for a plan

where Jeff is the key?

I mean, if it was any guy
named Jeff I'd be skeptical,

but he's not even one of the top Jeffs.

I'm right here, guys. I'm on the phone.

I stand by what I said.

Couldn't they just say Jeff is lying?

Yes, except that an e-mail went around

listing all the employees over 70

and how much money the company
would save if they were fired.

I don't have access to
the corporate server anymore,

but Laurie would on her phone.

Bam, there's our proof.

And how are you going to get her e-mail?

That is the part that we
have not figured out.

Okay, well, then I assume
you've figured out

how to get Jeff past security

or what to do if Laurie
or Neil recognize him.

Or how you're going to handle
them turning off the cameras

once Jeff starts speaking.

So those are the other parts
that we also haven't figured out yet.

Mm, solid plan.

I have to ask, is this the
best day to make waves?

Because I have to speak in front
of everyone on the planet.

Yeah, and do we even want Myrtle back?

I mean, she kind of sucked.

Did someone say my name?

Could you just tell us ahead
of time who all's on the phone?

So are you sure being stuffed

in a box in Styrofoam is safe?

Yeah, it's totally safe.
They've done studies.

What kind of studies?

Okay, I'm going to chat up
the security guard to distract him

while you drive
the forklift into the store.

Um, I don't know how
to drive a forklift.

Maybe you could do it
and I could talk to the guard?

You have zero charisma.

How are you possibly
going to chat up a guard?

I'm a little worried I might
run out of oxygen in here.

On it.

Hey! No! Wait! Ahh!

There's your air holes, princess.

Thank you.

Hey, Laurie.

Um, I made up this seating chart

for the meeting today.

I was going to do it in height order

but then it got really
female heavy in...

None of this matters.
I don't care where people sit.

Okay wait, I have
another question for you.

Ah...

Are you a lesbian?

People always ask,
how do I get enough protein?

Well, I got two words for
you, beans and nuts.

I always tell people

I'm nuts about beans
and I'm beans about nuts.

I mean that second half

doesn't mean anything, but
it sounds like something.

It's more of a rhythm thing, you know?

Just 'cause you were
golfing with another woman.

I mean, not that two women
can't go golfing together.

It just sort of felt like
there was a little bit

of a thing going on
between the two of you.

Anyway, if you're single,
my veterinarian

just broke up with her girlfriend

and, um, you know...

there is that.

You can put cashew cheese
on pretty much anything.

And, I mean, truthfully, right now,

we are in a nut cheese
renaissance, which is amazing.

There's so many different
options, it's just like...

She's really pretty.
I mean, at least I think so.

I don't really know what your type is.

But we haven't really quite established

whether or not you are a lesbian,

'cause you're just staring at me.

This is a conversation.

You can jump right in. The water's warm.

You know what,
this is none of my business.

Yeah, not really.

You know what, my daughter's principal

just came out, so that's another option.

Just, back of mind.

I mean, they can make milk out of

cashews, almonds, soy.

Then the grains, rice milk, quinoa milk.

I mean how do you
get milk out of quinoa?

I have no idea about
the process, but it exists.

Ooh, we should disguise
Jeff as Lana Del Rey.

He already has long eyelashes.

Ooh, that is true, but
they still might recognize him.

- You think?
- Check it out.

I got this camera
patched into their feed

so if they stop filming
when Jeff starts talking,

this little bad boy keeps going.

Oh, I know, we could give him a wig.

Yes! Chey, you are such a genius.

Oh, stop it, you are the genius.

- You are.
- No.

You know what, it actually
was really tough to do.

I had to figure out
how to set up a router

to transmit into their signal.

Did someone ask you to do that?

I'm just trying to be part of the plan.

Aww...

Feels weird to just be scrolling
through someone's e-mails.

Can't you just search some keywords?

Like what?

I don't know, ageism, discrimination.

Oh, right, "Hey team, how's the
ageism" discrimination going?"

That's a good point.

Oh, Jane Austen Superfan
Convention Pics?

That's probably not it.

But, we should probably
open it just to be safe.

Yeah, let's not take any chances.

Thanks.

Hey, so this is Glenn,
the general manager.

Glenn, I've heard a lot about you.

You have? What did you hear?

It's just that there's another Glenn

that works here and people mix us up.

Oh.

Glenn is nice, though. He's black.

Not... not "he's nice,
though he's black."

Just he's very nice and very black.

Maybe it would help if I did
an impression of him for you.

Yo, yo, Glenn, my man, can I get five...

That's not necessary.

We're good. Thank you.

- He knows his people.
- He's great.

Not to be critical, Cheyenne,
but I feel stupid.

I think you look like
a hot, skinny Hagrid.

Ooh...

That I can work with.

Harry, 'ello Harry.

Get me some eye of newt, Harry!

Good, right?

Hey, okay, they haven't
found the e-mail yet.

- What?
- Don't worry.

They're going to get it
to you during the meeting.

Don't freak out.
You're going to be fine.

You look incredibly stupid.

Thank you.

As you all know,

a year ago this store
was hit by a tornado.

But they rebuilt.

And the man leading that rebuilding

is a man who represents
the best of Cloud 9,

Glenn Sturgis!

Here you go, Glenn.

Thank you, Neil.

You know, I love this store.

Cloud 9 is more than just...

I'm sure it's hard to find the words.

But let me just say
on behalf of all of us...

That wasn't me.

I know. No, it's fine.

It was him.

So if you're laughing, you
are laughing at our CEO.

I'm... I'm sorry, Neil, go on.

Um, okay.

Okay, and, um, just for
the record it wasn't...

you know what, doesn't matter.

Yeah, it doesn't matter.

You had a human moment.

Could have happened to anyone.
This time it was you.

I'm not the one who farted.

Then how do you know what happened?

For someone who's so innocent,

you sure seem to have
a lot of information.

- You're the one who farted.
- You farted.

- No, you...
- You farted!

Thank you, Glenn.

- He farted.
- Yeah, yeah, sure.

Right on me, and then
I dragged it over here.

Did you find anything yet?

Well, she Postmated
three times last night.

Whoa. What's the story there?

- We don't have a lot of time.
- Oh, right.

Oh, okay, minimizing costs
by downsizing legacy employees.

Yeah, that. Pr... that. Print that.

On it. Print.

Wait, she Postmated ramen this morning?

Ugh, what's going on with her?

Hi, I am interested in
your decision-making process

for new products.

Ah, great question. We like to pay...

Let's just say I'm an entrepreneur,

which I am.

I am the founder and CEO

of Boob Cheese, cheese from humans.

Now, breast milk is...

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Where are you going?

To the meeting.

No, it's already started.
I can't let anyone through.

This is obviously going
to be a game-changer.

Lots of stores that this
would be a great fit for,

such as, for example,
Target, Wal-Mart, Costco.

No, but... but we'll be so quiet,

and... and we've really been
looking forward to this.

Besides, I think there are
some seats in the back.

Well, you'd have to walk
past the cameras

to get there, so if you can figure out

a way to like teleport there,

or tunnel underneath, be my guest.

I'm sorry, are you asking me

to carry human cheese in our stores?

Oh! I hadn't really...

This is unexpected.

Yes! Yes! Why not? Let's do it!

Laurie, I promise nobody will notice us.

No... no... no, Jonah, it's okay.

We're fine. We're cool.

We cool?

The tunnel.

The tunnel.

Well, I think if you buy three packs

of hot dogs and four packs of buns,

you should have the right amount.

All right, thank you. Well, you know,

I can't think of a better way
to end than that.

So I want to thank you for...

No, wait, I have a question!

Uh... oh.

I guess we have time for one more.

Oh.

One last question, huh?

Guess I better make it a good one then.

Ah...

How...

do...

Oh, [bleep], Garrett
says they're wrapping up.

- We got to go.
- Oh.

I was born right here

in St. Louis,

and as you might know,

St. Louis was originally
established as a hub

for river-based trade.

What are you doing?

I'm just telling Garrett we're hurrying.

Well, don't text it.
Just do the hurrying.

♪ Oh Danny ♪

♪ Boy I love you ♪

♪ So ♪

And that was my great-great grandfather.

He's not relevant to this.

Ugh, I touched rat droppings.
I need to wash my hands.

There's no time!
Just don't touch your face.

No! Now that's all I want to do.

So, I'm 18,

and I've woken up in
Wahaca, covered in furs.

You know what? Never mind.

My question was about self-checkouts,

and I just remembered you
already answered it earlier.

So I'm going to yield my time.
Thank you.

Well, this has been great.

I want to thank you all...

Hold on!

I've got a question.

Look, I'm really glad

to see all this excitement
from our employees...

No, I'm not an employee.

It's me!

Jeff Sutton!

Oh, right, I forgot for a second.

I'm sorry, I don't...

Jeff Sutton.

I was the district
manager before Laurie.

I worked with you for 12 years.

At the counter, I got your latte

that time and you got my tea.

Hmm.

You know what? It doesn't matter.

It's not about me.

It's about another former employee

named Myrtle Vartanian.

Okay, you know what?

I think we're really out of time here.

Who's Myrtle Vartanian?

Myrtle is one of our more

experienced employees
who was unfortunately let go

due to performance issues.

Except it wasn't because
of performance issues.

Oh! Jeff Sutton!

Well, of course I remember you.

Always drinking tea.

Yes! Jeff Sutton, that's me.

What is this? What's happening?

It's not good.

Myrtle.

Yeah! Myrtle was
an employee here, and...

You know what?
If I could ever persuade you

to come back to Cloud 9,

we could definitely use a
guy like you in Chicago.

Chicago?

Hmm. Wow.

- No, Jeff, no, no, no, no.
- Yep.

Anyway, you know what, I'm sorry.

I interrupted you, didn't I?

What were you saying about Myrtle?

Myrtle was a gang member,

and that's the reason
we had to let her go.

That's why you never trust a Jeff.

What a weasel!

Jeff or Neil?

Jeff! And Neil!

And Laurie, too.

Just a whole company of weasels.

Yeah.

And you know what the worst part is?

Myrtle?

Yeah, of course, Myrtle.

You know what the second worst part is?

Huh?

That I was stupid enough to think

something might actually
work out in this store.

I always kind of feel like

things are going to work out.

Yeah, you do, don't you?

What's wrong with you?

Hey! There's my team.

Oh, nice suit.

Is that from our Benedict
Arnold Collection?

Look, I know how
this promotion might look,

but believe me when I tell you

this is a good thing for all of us.

How is you selling out good for us?

Because now you have a man
on the inside, at the top.

The inside top,
that's where you want to be.

So, now you're going to use your power

to help Myrtle get her job back?

Exactly. Probably.

I mean, we don't want to rock
the boat too much at first.

Guys, we're playing the long game here.

I will see you at home. Great job today!

Chill.

I hope he enjoys his

job with CEO Neil Farterson.

'Cause he farted.

- Hmm.
- Yeah.

Hey.

So are we okay?

Look...

Uh, why don't we just start over?

Fresh start?

Fresh start.

All right, so...

Oh, my God.
How many buttons do you have?

A lot.

Wait, do I need a...

No, I'm already pregnant.

Oh, right, that's awesome.

- Yeah!
- Great.

Hey guys, look what's on.