All language subtitles for S03E18 Local Vendors Day

Today is local vendors day.

This is Cloud 9's way of supporting

the local small business owners

we're constantly putting
out of business.

And this year,
we have a very special vendor.

Just look at these
beautiful needlepoints.

This is certainly an exciting product.

Glenn, we all know that's your wife.

No, no, it isn't.

She is just a talented
craftswoman who is gracing us

with her presence.

Thank you, kind sir.

I appreciate the opportunity
with to sell my crafts

in your lovely store.

Well, the pleasure is all ours.

It's just so exciting to have
such a beautiful stranger

at our vendor fair.

- What's happening?
- I think it's foreplay.

Glenn, are you gonna tell
your wife that you're flirting

with one of the vendors?

Oh, I don't think she'll mind.

Oh, so you guys have an open marriage.

What's that?

It means you're allowed to have sex

with people who aren't your spouse.

It's like the Walkers.

Oh. Oh, oh, God, no!

Then why are you trying
to get at the vendor lady?

Are you cheating on Jerusha?

You know what? I'm gonna call her.

No, don't call her.

She deserves to know.

Don't answer that!

Synced and corrected by hawken45
for www.addic7ed.com

$8 for a bar of soap

just 'cause it's shaped weird
and wrapped in twine?

Well, it's artisanal. It's organic.

Ugh. I don't need my soap to be organic.

We have science now.

Science has created chemicals
that keep us clean.

Handcrafted locally sourced beer.

What does that even mean?

Well, what makes
a microbrew special is...

Know what? That actually
looks kind of interesting.

I think I'm gonna check it out.

Oh, because of the, uh, the cute girl?

No, 'cause it's ardisenal.

Did you just say "ardisenal"?

Whatever, man. Leave me alone.

Well, things are going
well with beverage guy.

I mean, he waves, you wave.

Yeah, we've been on a couple dates.

He's... he's sweet.

Wow, I bet dating has changed
so much since your time.

How did you guys even send each
other naked photos of yourselves?

Uh, just in the mail.

Oh, my God. So much effort.

I sent a nude fax once.

- Full face?
- Full face.

I mean, an artist signs her work.

Dina, hey. I made something for you.

Just as, you know,
a little thank-you for,

you know, the gift that you're
giving to Glenn and me.

- Wow.
- It's a stork.

'Cause you're bringing us a baby.

Gosh, what intricate work.

Yeah, it took me over 30 hours.

Amazing. Yeah.

You know what?
I actually can't accept this.

No offense, but it just
really freaks me out.

And I do not want this in my home.

Or, to be honest, on the planet.

- Thanks.
- Oh, okay.

Wow. Can't believe you
came on your day off

to sell cheese you made
out of breast milk.

Yeah, well, it's been a lot
of trial and error.

You know, if you don't get
the consistency just right,

you get boob yogurt,

and that's just gross.

And then there's the scavenging.

Oh, and then my lizard
ate a bunch of my samples.

Wait, wait, wait.
Let's go back to scavenging.

Well, I mainly work with found milk.

- Found milk?
- Mm-hmm.

You know, a mom leaves a bottle
on a table at a food court and,

you figure she's okay with people
taking a little off the top.

Ever since the storm, he's
become the most amazing hider.

Sometimes I can't find him for days.

That's great.

Hey, were you guys talking about Jerry?

Yeah, this weekend,

we're taking the rails off the toilet.

Yeah, hey, you know what'd be
really good for his recovery?

A nice cozy scarf from Jerusha's booth.

Better get over there fast, you
know, before she sells out.

Oh, did... did you want
us to go right now?

Whoa, someone's excited.

Yeah, go ahead.

But, uh...

Uh, yep. Okay, let's go.

Whoa, I am jealous of you.

I like the label.
It's very, uh, artisanal.

Thanks, yeah. Would you like a taste?

- All right, cheers.
- Cheers.

Mmm, it, uh...

wow, it tastes like Bud Light.

You're funny.

Well, yeah, I mean, I'm definitely
a little bit of a crack-up but,

this is Bud Light, right?

No. I guess if you're not
used to drinking craft beer,

it might take a little time
for your palate to adjust.

Or it might be Bud Light.

Hmm.

You know, if you buy
just one more scarf,

you get a free other scarf.

Um...

Sure. Let's do it.

So it seems like, uh,

Jerusha's sales seem to be
picking up a little bit, huh?

Yeah. God, I am so proud of her.

'Cause, you know, needlepoint
comes easy to a lot of people.

But not Jerusha.

I just can't help but wonder
if some of the employees

might feel a little pressured,
you know, to buy her stuff.

I'm not pressuring anyone.

No, of course not, but there's...

yeah, I think there's
an inherent coercive power

that you wield over the employees,

even... even if you're
not conscious of it.

Yeah, sure, sure, but you know,

I think if I was doing
something subconsciously,

I'd know it.

Right. Yeah.

Yeah, I just, you know... I think, uh...

I think what I'm saying is,

just be careful how you use your power.

Maybe you should be careful
how you use your power...

Handsome.

- Wow.
- Hey.

Did you design this?
This is very impressive.

It came to me in a dream.

A really boring dream.

And it is taking forever.

Well, you know, if you get hungry,

I highly recommend the mini burritos.

I've had, like... like, one.

I don't know, there's
something lame about a

burnout white dude making
money off Mexican food.

Yeah, but in fairness to Burrito Brian,

I don't think he's making any money.

And I'm pretty sure
he sleeps in his van.

And he did spend some
time in Costa Rica.

Burritos aren't from Costa Rica.

Yeah, no, I know. Obviously.

They're from other places.

Be careful.

I'm gonna have to take
away your Latina card.

Yeah, my Latina card.

Here you go. Take it.

No, um, that's a picture of a kid.

I found this on the sidewalk

and I felt really weird
about throwing it away.

If you were to describe me...
you know, like,

"Amy is the blank one,"
what would you say?

Amy is the bossy one.

Oh, Amy's the divorced one.

Amy's the mad one. The loud one.

Ooh, the sad one.

- Oh, I could see that.
- No, something more obvious.

Like... like about my identity.

- Like, what am I?
- Oh, the short one.

- The older one.
- Mmm, Amy's the Miranda one.

Guys, I'm the Latina one.

- Uh...
- Sort of.

I mean, I guess technically.

What do you mean? I am Latina.

That's a fact.

I mean, you don't even
like spicy food, so...

Yeah, and you're not that
good of a dancer.

Not that all Latinos are good dancers,

but it definitely feels like
you're one level below

- wherever you should be.
- I get it.

This is the first time
you've dated a Latino guy,

and you're out of your element.

I am not out of my element.

I... I am the element.

I'm... the element is in me.

Okay, quick tip.

Just call him "papi" at the
end of every sentence.

You'll drive him wild.

Okay, no, that's not a thing.

- It works.
- It really does.

I've dated a lot of Latin men.

A lot of them.

None of you feel pressured

to buy Jerusha's needlepoint, right?

Actually, it did feel like we
kind of had to buy something.

Had to because of me?

Or had to because
you appreciate quality?

You?

But maybe quality. I don't know.

Come on, you guys should know me by now.

I never pressure you.

So this is not my fault.

I felt pressured to buy
cookies from your foster kids.

And then someone in
Tucson bought a Vespa

with my credit card, and the bank said

I had to prove that I wasn't in Tucson.

How would I even do that?

You take a picture of
yourself with a newspaper

not from Tucson.

You made me take care of the
tropical fish that you raised

even though I can't afford
the tank maintenance.

I had to take out a loan.

My sister was in labor,
and you needed me

to change your screensaver
to flying toasters.

She gave birth in her tub.

Okay, okay.

Okay, I... I am sorry, then.

I'll never pressure you again.

- Okay.
- Okay.

And it's like, why would
I even want a Vespa?

My vertigo was going crazy at the time.

I had to sit down in the shower.

So I can do hats with squirrels on them.

I can do scarves with birds on them.

What about a scarf
with a squirrel on it?

No.

I mean, I guess technically I could.

But no, I just don't feel
comfortable with that.

¿Qué pasa, amigo? ¿Cómo estás?

- Hey, what's up?
- Ah, answering in Inglés?

I'm gonna have to take away
your Latino card.

I guess you do. I had no
idea you spoke Spanish.

Oh, sí, claro Que sí.

We spoke Spanish in
mi casa all the time.

Uh, lunes, martes, miércoles, and so on.

Mm.

No.

- That is Bud Light.
- Thank you.

But you know what? Who cares?

No, no, man. I don't care.

It's just that I want her
to admit that I'm right.

- Mm-hmm.
- You know, it's about respect.

Right, that sounds like caring.

No, no, no, no, dude. I don't care.

It's just important to me.

Oh, okay, so that's
the definition of caring.

- No, dude, I don't care.
- Right.

Mm!

Hey, feel like getting some lunch?

Oh, no, I'm not really hungry.

People aren't buying anything anymore.

Earlier I was selling a lot,

but now people are returning things.

That... that's weird.

Well, you know retail.

It's a crazy business.

That's probably it.

I just can't help but kind of
feel like a failure as a woman.

You know, my lady parts
are all dried up.

- They're not.
- I can't do needlepoint

up to the standards of these people.

My hair won't hold a perm.

When is it Jerusha's turn?

Oh, come on.

It'll be fine. Sales will pick up.

I mean, people love your scarves.

- What about my hats?
- Oh, and your hats too.

- Even more than your scarves.
- More?

No, the... the same.

Look, it'll get better. I promise.

- Mm-hmm.
- Come here.

Oh, fantástico. Sí, sí.

Really?

Sí.

Wow, this is great.
I'm looking forward to it.

- Oh, sí.
- Awesome.

So you agreed to something, and you have

no idea what it was?

It sounded like "mana sola rar"...

"mana sola ray."

- Bensoso?
- Mañana.

- Mantilla.
- Mango?

Manaquina. Manila?

No, you're not listening.

Okay, stop, stop, stop!

It's not helping.

Don't you speak Spanish?

Um, yeah. Some.

But he was talking so fast.

And plus he's got that Dominican accent,

so he was, like, dropping S's
and, like, moving L's to R's.

And it was a mess.

The only Spanish words I
know are más tequila.

Know what I mean? Ay, ay, ay!

Oh, God.

Oh, hey, Jonah, do you speak Spanish?

- No, why?
- Don't worry about it.

Amy's boyfriend said
something to her in Spanish,

and we're trying to
figure out what he said.

You have a... a boyfriend?

No, just some guy that I've
gone on a couple dates with.

Alex, the beverage guy.

Oh, the beverage guy. Cool.

Cheyenne, look up the Spanish term for,

"Would you like to
have sex in the butt?"

What? Why?

Because that may be what you agreed to.

Oh, busy day, huh?

Yeah, actually, I think I'm
about to sell out.

Whoa, wow.

Well, hey, if you do, no worries,

'cause you got a whole row
of beer right behind you.

Oh, thanks, but you guys
don't sell beer like this.

Oh, no, yeah. Probably not.

Hey, you know what is interesting?

I had a friend try one of your samples,

and... this is crazy...
totally independently,

also said it tastes like Bud Light.

- Well, it's not.
- Well, hey, look.

I wouldn't judge you if it was.

In fact, I'd respect
you for charging $13

for $2 worth of Bud Light.

And I'd appreciate that respect

if that's what I were doing.

- Okay, well...
- Okay, well.

Life is a highway.

What?

I got to get back to work.

So what do you want me to buy from her?

Oh, it doesn't matter.
Just get as much as you can

- for $200, okay?
- Yeah, okay.

- I can do that.
- Thank you.

Excuse me. How much can I buy for $200?

Oh, wow, um, let's find out.

Damn it, random man!

- Okay.
- Hey, you know, I don't think

you want to be spending
all your money here.

- I thought I was supposed to...
- What are you doing?

Well, nothing.
It's just that $200 is a lot

to spend on candy when there's
so many other booths.

Who asked you to get involved?

- Glenn, what's going on?
- He's messing with my sale.

- What do you want me to buy?
- That's what's going on.

It's okay. I... I just want
everybody to be happy.

Then mind your own [bleep] business.

O-okay.

"Lay Na sol ya Ra."

Says it's Hindi.

Could he have been speaking Hindi?

No, he's Dominican.

A Dominican person could
speak Hindi if he wanted to.

He could learn it.

That's great about you

and the beverage guy. I love that guy.

- Really good guy.
- Do you know him?

We've never talked,
but we'll wave, you know?

Or he'll nod if he's, you know,
pushing the dolly or something.

He's a great, great guy.

You said that already.

Why didn't you just tell him that you
didn't understand what he was saying?

Because then he would just go on and on

about taking my Latina card from me.

What's a Latina card?

Like when you go to
Sharky's, you earn points.

We should go on a double date together.

You and, um, the beverage
guy and Kelly and me.

Guys, Amy's in uncharted
territory right now.

She usually only dates white men.

Well, that's pretty racist.

That's not true.
I don't just date white men.

I dated one white guy 15 years ago,

and I just happened to marry him.

I'm gonna call Kelly.
I'm gonna text her.

I'm gonna call her.

Just because she has a preference
doesn't mean she's racist.

I don't have a preference. And if I did,

it probably wouldn't be white guys.

You know what? She's here.
I could just go up and talk to her.

Eh, I'm gonna text her.

I'm sorry, isn't having a preference
the definition of racism?

I think it's racist to
have a non-preference.

Like, you can say,
"I'm into Cuban guys,"

but you can't say, "I'm into
everyone but Cuban guys."

- Ah.
- No, yeah.

I totally kissed a black guy once.

Who?

You don't know him.
It was from high school.

What was his name?

- Peter.
- Peter the black guy?

Yeah, okay, that doesn't
sound right, but whatever.

She's in!

Kelly's in. This is gonna be...

this is gonna be great.

It's gonna be great.
Great, great, great, great.

I don't know, man.

Sometimes I just think that
maybe it was a mistake

to sink my life savings into this.

Yeah, well...

Uh...

- Hang in there.
- Really?

That means a lot, man.

Men need to support other men.

- You know?
- Yeah, yeah, sure.

Hey. On the house.

Oh, no, no, no, I couldn't.

It's gonna make me real happy.

- Okay.
- Yeah!

- Thank you.
- Hey, hey, hey,

where you going?

Pop it in.

Oh, you...

you wanted me to, uh, eat it right now?

I want to see the look in your eyes
when that cheese hits your tongue.

Yes, I will... I will do this.

I will put this in there.

That's how it works.

Mmm!

- Really?
- Mm-hmm.

- That is such a relief.
- Mm-hmm.

I haven't tried it yet.

To be honest, it kind of grosses me out.

Hey, guys.

Um, I just wanted to double check.

No one wanted to buy anything
from Jerusha, right?

Just asking as a pal, not your boss.

Just as a pal who loves crafts.

No, thank you. I don't really like them.

Okay. Cool.

Mateo?

You know, you would look really fetching

in a bird scarf.

Oh, I never cover my neck.
It's my best feature.

Also, I'm saving up for something
I actually want to buy.

- Justine?
- Hard pass.

I think the crossword puzzles
are harder in spring.

Listen up!

Everybody here better get out there
and start buying stuff from my wife!

I feel like you're pressuring us.

You're goddamn right,
I'm pressuring you.

You buy stuff, or you're fired!

- What?
- Yeah, and if you tell anyone

I did this, I'll lie.

And I'll say that I didn't.

And they'll believe me,
because I'm the boss!

Now! Now, go, go!

You move your ass!

I had my medicine in that.

I crush it up and hide it
to trick myself.

Oh, let me... let me help you.

Maybe it's right on top here.

So, I lager for three
months at 35 degrees.

And actually the yeast
that I use is a descendant

of the original Bavarian wild yeasts...

It's Bud Light. It's Bud Light.

It's a descendant of Bud Light
because it's Bud Light.

- What are you doing?
- Just admit it's Bud Light.

Okay, could you...

Fine, it's Bud Light, okay?

I buy the kegs wholesale,
and then I mark up the bottles.

Now, could you please stop
telling everyone?

Thank you for just being honest with me.

That's all I wanted.

Now, how about I take you out sometime?

Hey. I'm taking off.

You're still up for tonight, right?

Uh, yeah.

Tonight, um, so do I need to, like,

wear anything or maybe bring something?

- No, nothing special.
- Okay.

And, um...

and you're sure this is
something I'm gonna enjoy?

I mean, we don't have to
if you don't want to.

Okay, I don't understand
what you're saying!

- Huh?
- My Spanish isn't that good.

My parents never made me
speak it in the house,

and I really don't feel like I should be
made to feel guilty about that, okay?

I was just asking if you're
cool driving for an hour

to this barbecue place I like.

Oh. Oh, cool.

- Yeah, that's, uh, cool.
- Cool.

- Yeah.
- Cool.

Yeah.

So you didn't understand
anything I was saying?

Like all the stuff about
my mom and my family?

Oh, no, no, no.
That... that stuff I totally got.

I understood that.

Your family, they're a riot.

What a... what a hoot.

I can't believe I sold out.

I am so proud of you,
my little saleswoman.

I'm thinking about experimenting
with a badger on a sweater.

I think people would love that.