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1
00:00:00,070 --> 00:00:02,695
Good morning, everyone.
2
00:00:03,542 --> 00:00:05,742
Good morning.
3
00:00:05,744 --> 00:00:07,201
Okay, let's focus up.
4
00:00:09,548 --> 00:00:11,014
Quiet!
5
00:00:11,937 --> 00:00:13,178
Morning, everyone.
6
00:00:13,179 --> 00:00:16,786
Okay, uh, before the new
district manager gets here,
7
00:00:16,788 --> 00:00:21,324
I just wanted to warn you
her name is Laurie Neustadt.
8
00:00:21,326 --> 00:00:22,312
And she's a woman,
9
00:00:22,313 --> 00:00:24,971
so let's not act like that's weird.
10
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Um, is it weird?
11
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No. I mean...
12
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just don't act like anything's weird.
13
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Ever. In general.
14
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- Nice recovery.
- Man, I hope she's a WILF.
15
00:00:35,707 --> 00:00:37,640
It's a woman I'd like to [bleep].
16
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That's what that means.
17
00:00:39,177 --> 00:00:41,311
I'm excited to have a woman in charge.
18
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The world's moving too fast.
19
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Enough already.
20
00:00:45,188 --> 00:00:48,017
I'm just worried that
I'm gonna say something weird.
21
00:00:48,019 --> 00:00:49,819
I wish I knew something more about her.
22
00:00:49,821 --> 00:00:52,215
I'm Googling her, and
apparently she's from Denver.
23
00:00:52,216 --> 00:00:54,757
Denver, terrific.
Let's go with the Denver thing.
24
00:00:54,759 --> 00:00:57,060
Or we could just treat her
like she's a human being.
25
00:00:57,062 --> 00:00:58,361
Yeah, but we've got the Denver thing
26
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in case that doesn't work out.
27
00:00:59,739 --> 00:01:01,498
Right, and why wouldn't that work?
28
00:01:01,500 --> 00:01:02,926
Okay, she's here. Places, everyone!
29
00:01:02,927 --> 00:01:03,985
Whoa, whoa, wait, wait, wait, wait.
30
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What?
31
00:01:05,804 --> 00:01:06,681
Now I'm ready.
32
00:01:06,682 --> 00:01:08,592
- Hey, everyone.
- Milady.
33
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Okay. Um, hi.
34
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I am Laurie Neustadt.
35
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I'm taking over for Jeff.
36
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I'm gonna be here all
day walking around,
37
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getting to know the store,
trying to figure out ways
38
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we can make things
a little more efficient.
39
00:01:19,451 --> 00:01:22,485
So, um, busy day.
Let's, uh, get back out there.
40
00:01:22,487 --> 00:01:23,907
Let's get back out there.
41
00:01:24,389 --> 00:01:27,195
Bet they say that a lot
on the slopes of Denver, huh?
42
00:01:28,193 --> 00:01:28,967
I guess. I...
43
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Actually, I think this is
a different Laurie Neustadt.
44
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Synced and corrected by hawken45
for www.addic7ed.com
45
00:01:43,608 --> 00:01:45,775
Laurie seems like
kind of a bitch, right?
46
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She's like this strict
schoolteacher in a porn
47
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but nothing good ends up happening.
48
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She just, like, teaches.
49
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Yeah, and her shoes made a lot of noise.
50
00:01:52,851 --> 00:01:53,950
I mean, what?
51
00:01:53,952 --> 00:01:57,720
Are you guys seriously
weirded out by a female boss?
52
00:01:57,722 --> 00:01:59,428
It's 2018.
53
00:02:00,353 --> 00:02:01,191
You're right.
54
00:02:01,193 --> 00:02:02,407
To be honest, I really liked her shoes.
55
00:02:02,408 --> 00:02:05,960
You know, a lot of people think
women make better bosses than men.
56
00:02:06,274 --> 00:02:08,512
It's like they say, uh...
Ginger Rogers did everything
57
00:02:08,513 --> 00:02:10,779
Fred Astaire did but
backwards and in high heels.
58
00:02:10,781 --> 00:02:12,481
That's total crap.
59
00:02:12,483 --> 00:02:14,495
When did Ginger dance backwards?
60
00:02:15,152 --> 00:02:17,886
Oh, uh, it's just an expression.
61
00:02:17,888 --> 00:02:20,722
They danced in circles or side by side.
62
00:02:20,724 --> 00:02:23,425
You're only defending her
because she's a woman.
63
00:02:23,764 --> 00:02:24,744
That's sexism.
64
00:02:24,745 --> 00:02:26,328
If she was a man, there's no way we'd be
65
00:02:26,330 --> 00:02:28,263
standing around talking
about her appearance.
66
00:02:28,265 --> 00:02:29,264
Exactly.
67
00:02:29,266 --> 00:02:31,833
Name one picture where
Ginger Rogers was better
68
00:02:31,835 --> 00:02:32,957
than Rita Hayworth.
69
00:02:33,470 --> 00:02:34,835
I don't know any.
70
00:02:34,836 --> 00:02:36,711
Ginger Rogers was nothing.
71
00:02:37,922 --> 00:02:39,173
Come on, man.
72
00:02:39,476 --> 00:02:40,903
"Big Time." "Top Hat."
73
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"Swinging Down to Rio."
74
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You froze up, dude.
75
00:02:52,022 --> 00:02:53,622
Ugh, Laurie's gonna be
looking at our stats,
76
00:02:53,624 --> 00:02:55,524
and my checkout scores are terrible.
77
00:02:55,526 --> 00:02:57,322
That scanner never works for me.
78
00:02:57,694 --> 00:02:58,994
It's probably because
I swallowed a magnet
79
00:02:58,996 --> 00:03:00,028
when I was four.
80
00:03:00,030 --> 00:03:01,129
It just never came out.
81
00:03:01,130 --> 00:03:03,465
Who cares if you're bad at one thing?
82
00:03:03,467 --> 00:03:05,167
I'm bad at driving, but I'm good
83
00:03:05,169 --> 00:03:06,434
at texting and driving.
84
00:03:06,436 --> 00:03:08,720
My UPM score is a five.
85
00:03:08,721 --> 00:03:11,239
A five? Even I got a 30.
86
00:03:11,241 --> 00:03:12,908
Well, you have better
hand-eye coordination.
87
00:03:12,910 --> 00:03:15,210
I can't be wasting my time
playing "Star Trek" video games
88
00:03:15,212 --> 00:03:16,945
- all day.
- Uh, it's "Star Wars."
89
00:03:16,947 --> 00:03:19,614
Same diff. They're just
ugly people floating in space.
90
00:03:19,616 --> 00:03:20,682
Yeah, they're not floating in space.
91
00:03:20,683 --> 00:03:22,221
They're on planets most of the time.
92
00:03:22,222 --> 00:03:24,073
That's just an ignorant comment.
93
00:03:25,722 --> 00:03:26,988
Oh, excuse me,
94
00:03:26,990 --> 00:03:27,989
you're the floor manager, right?
95
00:03:27,991 --> 00:03:29,291
Uh, yeah, hi. Amy.
96
00:03:29,293 --> 00:03:31,626
Hi. Um, there is an employee,
97
00:03:31,628 --> 00:03:34,296
Sal Kazlauskas, who has a lot of open
98
00:03:34,298 --> 00:03:36,198
sexual harassment
complaints against him.
99
00:03:36,200 --> 00:03:38,366
Yeah, it's fine. He died in the wall.
100
00:03:38,368 --> 00:03:39,868
- That's this store?
- Mm-hmm.
101
00:03:39,870 --> 00:03:41,297
Okay, good to know. Thank you.
102
00:03:41,375 --> 00:03:42,581
Yeah, anytime.
103
00:03:43,674 --> 00:03:47,309
Hey, um, can I just say, it's...
it's really cool to have
104
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a woman district manager.
105
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I mean, it's about time, right?
106
00:03:50,456 --> 00:03:52,147
Thank you. Well, I had to have sex
107
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with a lot of board members
to get here, so...
108
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I'm kidding.
109
00:03:57,183 --> 00:03:59,154
No, I didn't...
110
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I mean, I wouldn't...
111
00:04:00,929 --> 00:04:04,663
Anyway, uh, if I can, you know, give
you a hand with anything, let me know.
112
00:04:04,665 --> 00:04:05,595
Oh, actually, you know what?
113
00:04:05,596 --> 00:04:08,853
I would love some help with some
of these personnel details.
114
00:04:09,266 --> 00:04:12,166
Oh, uh, yeah. Okay, sure.
115
00:04:12,569 --> 00:04:15,403
Arby's has the meats,
but Amy's got the deets.
116
00:04:16,405 --> 00:04:18,840
- I'm sorry. That was weird.
- That was weird.
117
00:04:19,288 --> 00:04:21,501
Hey, I just wanted to make
sure we're on the same page
118
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about keeping this whole
situation from Laurie.
119
00:04:24,615 --> 00:04:26,942
Oh, 'cause you're not married.
120
00:04:27,217 --> 00:04:28,198
What? No.
121
00:04:28,199 --> 00:04:29,977
I just mean a lot of
bosses don't like preggos.
122
00:04:29,978 --> 00:04:32,921
What? No, everyone loves preggos.
123
00:04:32,923 --> 00:04:34,204
It's like the saying.
124
00:04:34,205 --> 00:04:36,623
Everyone likes preggos,
LEGOs, and Eggos.
125
00:04:36,701 --> 00:04:38,393
Not me. If I hear someone's pregnant,
126
00:04:38,395 --> 00:04:39,995
all I think about is bathroom breaks
127
00:04:39,997 --> 00:04:41,896
and doctors' appointments and hormones.
128
00:04:41,898 --> 00:04:43,365
It's like, we don't need another Elias.
129
00:04:43,367 --> 00:04:45,400
Okay, but Laurie's gonna
find out eventually.
130
00:04:45,402 --> 00:04:47,002
Well, we'll deal with that
if it comes to it,
131
00:04:47,004 --> 00:04:48,803
but for all we know, I may lose the baby
132
00:04:48,805 --> 00:04:49,938
and this is never even an issue.
133
00:04:49,940 --> 00:04:51,306
Wait, what?
134
00:04:51,308 --> 00:04:52,715
I'm just saying, things happen.
135
00:04:52,716 --> 00:04:54,209
I live in a very dangerous neighborhood.
136
00:04:54,211 --> 00:04:55,910
People are always pushing other people.
137
00:04:55,912 --> 00:04:57,694
Anyway...
138
00:04:57,695 --> 00:04:58,622
Later, boss.
139
00:04:59,082 --> 00:05:01,393
Move! You've gotta move.
140
00:05:01,818 --> 00:05:04,986
We try and keep Carol and Sandra
on opposite sides of the store.
141
00:05:04,988 --> 00:05:07,689
It's sort of like a...
like a Crips and Bloods thing.
142
00:05:07,691 --> 00:05:09,357
And Justine Sikowicz?
143
00:05:09,359 --> 00:05:10,725
Justine is a hard worker.
144
00:05:10,727 --> 00:05:12,794
Um, she cries a lot in the bathroom.
145
00:05:12,796 --> 00:05:14,829
But not, like, in a way
where you feel like you have
146
00:05:14,831 --> 00:05:16,865
- to go in.
- Got it, okay.
147
00:05:16,867 --> 00:05:18,566
Uh, Myrtle Vartanian?
148
00:05:18,568 --> 00:05:21,269
Oh, Myrtle, yeah. She's sweet.
149
00:05:21,271 --> 00:05:24,340
She doesn't do very much.
Doesn't do it very well, but...
150
00:05:24,341 --> 00:05:27,707
She actually makes more money
than anyone else at her level.
151
00:05:28,779 --> 00:05:31,313
Yeah, well, I guess when
you've been here that long,
152
00:05:31,315 --> 00:05:34,049
even 40-cent pay bumps add up, huh?
153
00:05:34,051 --> 00:05:35,022
Good to know.
154
00:05:35,023 --> 00:05:37,357
All right, well, at least
we know we can cut Myrtle.
155
00:05:37,358 --> 00:05:39,054
Okay, why don't you tell me about Cody?
156
00:05:39,056 --> 00:05:42,667
Oh, wait, uh, sorry. Um,
when you say cut Myrtle,
157
00:05:42,926 --> 00:05:44,119
you don't mean like...
158
00:05:44,120 --> 00:05:45,560
Oh, my God, no.
I'm not, like, a monster.
159
00:05:45,562 --> 00:05:47,395
Oh, okay. Phew.
160
00:05:47,397 --> 00:05:49,664
I'm not, like, gonna literally cut her.
161
00:05:49,666 --> 00:05:53,134
- No, I just mean fire her.
- Oh, um...
162
00:05:53,136 --> 00:05:54,993
Okay, tell me about Marcus White.
163
00:05:55,372 --> 00:05:57,405
What's his IQ?
Because if it's low enough,
164
00:05:57,407 --> 00:05:58,907
we get a tax break.
165
00:06:05,253 --> 00:06:08,728
So out of the blue, she just
decided to fire Myrtle?
166
00:06:08,752 --> 00:06:09,441
Exactly.
167
00:06:09,535 --> 00:06:11,185
Yeah, that's exactly what happened.
168
00:06:11,187 --> 00:06:12,587
There has to be a reason.
169
00:06:12,589 --> 00:06:13,855
Well, I don't know. I just met her.
170
00:06:13,857 --> 00:06:15,853
I don't know what's inside of her mind.
171
00:06:16,426 --> 00:06:18,461
I think you do know.
172
00:06:18,962 --> 00:06:19,720
Okay, fine.
173
00:06:20,396 --> 00:06:22,296
I might have mentioned
that Myrtle is not
174
00:06:22,298 --> 00:06:23,564
very good at her job.
175
00:06:23,566 --> 00:06:25,466
What? Why would you say that?
176
00:06:25,468 --> 00:06:27,034
Because she asked me about Myrtle.
177
00:06:27,036 --> 00:06:29,666
So you led with, "Myrtle's
not good at her job"?
178
00:06:29,667 --> 00:06:32,006
No, I led with, "She's very sweet",
179
00:06:32,008 --> 00:06:34,084
and she's not very good at her job."
180
00:06:34,644 --> 00:06:36,144
I don't know. We were bonding.
181
00:06:36,356 --> 00:06:37,578
Are we gonna stand around
and just point fingers,
182
00:06:37,580 --> 00:06:38,980
or are you gonna help me fix this?
183
00:06:38,982 --> 00:06:40,681
I was thinking we could point fingers
184
00:06:40,683 --> 00:06:41,970
for a few more minutes.
185
00:06:42,097 --> 00:06:43,663
Myrtle's a fixture.
186
00:06:43,853 --> 00:06:46,020
I mean, would you want me
to fire the light bulbs
187
00:06:46,022 --> 00:06:50,391
or to... would you want me to throw
our plumbing out into the cold?
188
00:06:50,393 --> 00:06:53,272
I would, if the pipes cost us
more than any other pipe
189
00:06:53,273 --> 00:06:54,643
for doing inferior work.
190
00:06:54,931 --> 00:06:56,831
Look, I'm sure she will
find another job, Glenn.
191
00:06:56,833 --> 00:06:58,366
Who's gonna hire her?
192
00:06:58,368 --> 00:06:59,883
She's useless.
193
00:07:00,804 --> 00:07:03,146
Can I at least wait
until the end of the day?
194
00:07:03,807 --> 00:07:06,374
I would like to show her
one last perfect day
195
00:07:06,376 --> 00:07:08,943
before she wanders off
into the great unknown.
196
00:07:08,945 --> 00:07:12,041
Okay, I'm asking you
to fire her, not kill her.
197
00:07:12,749 --> 00:07:14,561
How do you live with yourself?
198
00:07:20,323 --> 00:07:22,924
Is sighing really gonna
help me go faster?
199
00:07:22,926 --> 00:07:24,293
You're just wasting air.
200
00:07:32,635 --> 00:07:34,502
There, how do you like it?
201
00:07:34,504 --> 00:07:36,170
I just can't make it work.
202
00:07:36,172 --> 00:07:38,506
Okay, I-I don't know how you
check out people so quickly.
203
00:07:38,508 --> 00:07:41,205
Why don't you just go into Glenn's
computer and change your stats?
204
00:07:41,205 --> 00:07:42,003
You can do that?
205
00:07:42,004 --> 00:07:43,477
You kidding me? I do it all the time.
206
00:07:43,479 --> 00:07:44,912
Why do you think I never work Fridays
207
00:07:44,914 --> 00:07:46,547
but get paid for Fridays?
208
00:07:47,637 --> 00:07:48,382
You think I should?
209
00:07:48,384 --> 00:07:50,318
Well, isn't that kind of like cheating?
210
00:07:50,320 --> 00:07:51,319
Not really.
211
00:07:51,321 --> 00:07:52,699
'Cause if you think about it...
212
00:07:52,701 --> 00:07:54,989
It's cheating. It's 100% cheating.
213
00:07:54,991 --> 00:07:56,591
I think Garrett makes a good point.
214
00:07:57,169 --> 00:07:57,892
I'm gonna do it.
215
00:07:57,894 --> 00:07:59,293
Well, I guess while you're in there,
216
00:07:59,295 --> 00:08:00,661
you can change your employee photo too.
217
00:08:00,663 --> 00:08:02,129
Enough about the photo!
218
00:08:02,131 --> 00:08:04,131
I had a lot of sodium that morning.
219
00:08:04,378 --> 00:08:07,267
I just get nervous if I go too
tight, it'll hurt the baby.
220
00:08:07,270 --> 00:08:09,170
Women have been wearing
corsets for centuries.
221
00:08:09,172 --> 00:08:10,118
If a little squeezing hurt,
222
00:08:10,118 --> 00:08:11,954
I think we would have heard
something about it.
223
00:08:11,955 --> 00:08:14,375
There used to be really
high infant mortality.
224
00:08:14,377 --> 00:08:15,977
Fine, I'll go get Justine to help.
225
00:08:15,979 --> 00:08:16,982
No, no!
226
00:08:17,413 --> 00:08:19,048
I'll do it. I can do it.
227
00:08:19,849 --> 00:08:20,521
Okay.
228
00:08:24,621 --> 00:08:27,188
Oh, it's pretty tight. I don't know.
229
00:08:27,190 --> 00:08:28,545
Sandra, I swear to God.
230
00:08:29,292 --> 00:08:30,725
Why don't you just
tell Laurie you're fat?
231
00:08:30,727 --> 00:08:32,393
Because fat people are fat everywhere.
232
00:08:32,395 --> 00:08:34,022
This is clearly a baby bump.
233
00:08:34,023 --> 00:08:35,496
We could pad you all over,
234
00:08:35,809 --> 00:08:36,931
like how they do Hollywood actors.
235
00:08:36,933 --> 00:08:39,555
Eddie Murphy, Martin Lawrence,
Tyler Perry.
236
00:08:40,411 --> 00:08:43,053
I am not intentionally
just naming black actors.
237
00:08:43,053 --> 00:08:44,605
Sandra, if I didn't need
your Hulu password,
238
00:08:44,607 --> 00:08:46,053
I would kill you right now.
239
00:08:46,843 --> 00:08:49,729
Myrtle, what would be
your idea of a perfect day?
240
00:08:50,914 --> 00:08:53,281
I guess I'd like to spend one more day
241
00:08:53,283 --> 00:08:55,016
with my late husband, Charlie.
242
00:08:55,018 --> 00:08:59,096
Oh, okay, but what about
a perfect day in the store?
243
00:08:59,698 --> 00:09:01,522
If Charlie came in the store.
244
00:09:01,524 --> 00:09:02,990
Okay, I'm not God.
245
00:09:02,992 --> 00:09:05,493
Hey, Myrtle, you borrowed some
scissors, and I need them back.
246
00:09:05,495 --> 00:09:06,836
You leave her alone!
247
00:09:07,163 --> 00:09:08,729
This is Myrtle's day!
248
00:09:09,096 --> 00:09:11,398
You take all the scissors
you want, honey.
249
00:09:11,935 --> 00:09:14,702
Hey, Laurie, um, can we talk to you?
250
00:09:14,704 --> 00:09:15,903
Sure, who's this?
251
00:09:15,905 --> 00:09:18,357
Hi, um, I'm Jonah. Simms.
252
00:09:18,574 --> 00:09:20,885
Mm, he does look like a male Tinkerbell.
253
00:09:22,278 --> 00:09:23,678
Uh, you can't fire Myrtle.
254
00:09:23,680 --> 00:09:25,780
She is an invaluable
asset to this store.
255
00:09:25,782 --> 00:09:29,083
Okay, Amy, I really don't
want to fire anyone, right?
256
00:09:29,085 --> 00:09:30,685
Certainly not a sweet old lady,
257
00:09:30,687 --> 00:09:32,367
but corporate is on me
to cut the budget.
258
00:09:32,368 --> 00:09:33,921
What if we found the savings elsewhere?
259
00:09:33,923 --> 00:09:35,489
Could she keep her job then?
260
00:09:35,491 --> 00:09:36,861
She makes $20 bucks an hour.
261
00:09:37,014 --> 00:09:37,759
Myrtle?
262
00:09:39,429 --> 00:09:41,269
Dude, yeah, no, that makes sense.
263
00:09:41,417 --> 00:09:44,665
It's nice to see a woman not just
making 79 cents on the dollar.
264
00:09:44,667 --> 00:09:46,021
We can find those savings.
265
00:09:46,022 --> 00:09:48,235
I just cut my own home
budget down simply by going
266
00:09:48,237 --> 00:09:50,004
to the library when I need the Internet,
267
00:09:50,006 --> 00:09:52,664
so if we do it, can she keep her job?
268
00:09:53,057 --> 00:09:54,227
Sure, yeah.
269
00:09:54,868 --> 00:09:55,843
Give it a try.
270
00:09:55,845 --> 00:09:57,557
- All right.
- Thank you.
271
00:09:58,435 --> 00:09:59,681
Tinkerbell.
272
00:10:00,516 --> 00:10:02,570
I don't know where she heard that.
273
00:10:04,381 --> 00:10:05,815
I... It's tough.
274
00:10:05,966 --> 00:10:07,796
Come on, you went to business school.
275
00:10:07,796 --> 00:10:09,838
Can't you just track down
some wasteful spending?
276
00:10:09,839 --> 00:10:13,053
It's not like there's a line
item for wasteful spending.
277
00:10:13,491 --> 00:10:16,750
Well, let's think outside the box or
278
00:10:16,752 --> 00:10:17,837
cut the pork.
279
00:10:17,837 --> 00:10:19,262
Like, that's a thing, right?
280
00:10:19,747 --> 00:10:21,109
Those are words, yes.
281
00:10:21,437 --> 00:10:23,619
Come on, Jonah. You can do this!
282
00:10:23,620 --> 00:10:25,887
I know you can do this. Come on, baby!
283
00:10:26,115 --> 00:10:27,355
Find the money!
284
00:10:27,357 --> 00:10:28,803
Show Mama the money.
285
00:10:28,804 --> 00:10:32,293
O-okay, all right, okay,
I appreciate the energy, Mama.
286
00:10:32,512 --> 00:10:33,945
But can you let me focus?
287
00:10:34,252 --> 00:10:36,080
Yeah, okay, whatever you need.
288
00:10:36,082 --> 00:10:38,883
Well, okay, we leave
the A/C on in March.
289
00:10:38,885 --> 00:10:40,451
It's just competing with the heat.
290
00:10:40,453 --> 00:10:41,553
If we turn both of them off,
291
00:10:41,555 --> 00:10:43,919
that would save us $200.
292
00:10:44,457 --> 00:10:46,491
Yes, okay!
293
00:10:46,493 --> 00:10:49,476
Mama smells the bacon
'cause Papa found the pork!
294
00:10:49,796 --> 00:10:52,931
- 200 bucks!
- I don't like any of this.
295
00:10:53,171 --> 00:10:55,137
Neither do I, but Mama can't stop.
296
00:10:55,138 --> 00:10:56,195
Okay.
297
00:10:57,604 --> 00:10:58,937
Why are you shutting the blinds?
298
00:10:58,939 --> 00:11:00,569
So no one can see us.
299
00:11:00,570 --> 00:11:02,807
Oh, you're afraid we might get caught
300
00:11:02,809 --> 00:11:04,582
changing your register scores?
301
00:11:04,945 --> 00:11:08,233
Fine. Can we just change the
scores so we can get out of here?
302
00:11:08,234 --> 00:11:10,281
All right, I'm just looking
for the right window.
303
00:11:10,283 --> 00:11:12,050
Glenn's taxes,
304
00:11:12,052 --> 00:11:15,053
Google search for how many
tomatoes in the world,
305
00:11:15,055 --> 00:11:16,688
his church's MySpace page.
306
00:11:16,905 --> 00:11:19,958
Ah, here we are. Employee records.
307
00:11:19,960 --> 00:11:23,000
- Okay.
- Your UPM score is now 120.
308
00:11:24,167 --> 00:11:26,264
120? Isn't that kinda high?
309
00:11:26,266 --> 00:11:27,765
I don't know, man. I mean, we're here.
310
00:11:27,767 --> 00:11:29,867
You might as well change it
to something impressive.
311
00:11:30,101 --> 00:11:30,738
You're right.
312
00:11:30,919 --> 00:11:32,370
This is my Tonya Harding moment,
313
00:11:32,372 --> 00:11:34,472
and I've gotta claw my way to the top.
314
00:11:34,742 --> 00:11:35,707
Okay.
315
00:11:36,977 --> 00:11:37,813
121.
316
00:11:39,112 --> 00:11:40,549
It's a little less obvious.
317
00:11:45,018 --> 00:11:46,217
Excuse me, young lady.
318
00:11:46,219 --> 00:11:47,719
Do you have any sugar?
319
00:11:47,721 --> 00:11:50,616
My coffee is black with
an 80% chance of cream.
320
00:11:51,053 --> 00:11:52,051
There you go.
321
00:11:53,994 --> 00:11:56,294
Oh, my goodness. Myrtle, look.
322
00:11:56,296 --> 00:12:00,649
Isn't that Channel 4 weatherman
Skipper Sailes in our very store?
323
00:12:01,768 --> 00:12:04,168
I don't know. I watch Channel 5
324
00:12:04,170 --> 00:12:05,470
with Craig Moeller.
325
00:12:05,678 --> 00:12:07,138
Oh. O-okay.
326
00:12:07,140 --> 00:12:09,807
I could have sworn you said Channel 4.
327
00:12:09,809 --> 00:12:10,746
Hey, it's cool.
328
00:12:11,311 --> 00:12:12,120
Craig's great.
329
00:12:12,121 --> 00:12:13,663
Really good at what he does.
330
00:12:14,381 --> 00:12:15,719
Craig's the best.
331
00:12:18,752 --> 00:12:20,553
So, uh, Glenn,
332
00:12:21,087 --> 00:12:23,287
maybe you can just reimburse
me for the coffee now.
333
00:12:23,289 --> 00:12:24,463
Yeah, later.
334
00:12:24,541 --> 00:12:26,424
Yeah, it's just otherwise,
I need to submit it
335
00:12:26,426 --> 00:12:29,059
- to the station as a...
- I said later, Skipper Sailes!
336
00:12:32,732 --> 00:12:34,832
Hey, you're Dina, right?
337
00:12:34,834 --> 00:12:36,063
- Uh...
- The assistant manager?
338
00:12:36,064 --> 00:12:37,047
Huh? What?
339
00:12:37,524 --> 00:12:38,335
Ah...
340
00:12:39,105 --> 00:12:41,773
I have a quick question
about the shrink reports.
341
00:12:41,775 --> 00:12:43,574
Sure, shoot.
342
00:12:43,576 --> 00:12:44,709
Do you wanna put the box down?
343
00:12:44,711 --> 00:12:46,277
No, it's light.
344
00:12:47,514 --> 00:12:49,681
Okay. Uh, well, it says that shrink
345
00:12:49,683 --> 00:12:53,257
accounted for, like,
1.4% of total sales last month.
346
00:12:53,853 --> 00:12:56,087
But at the same time,
the regional average
347
00:12:56,089 --> 00:12:57,088
- actually dropped.
- Mm...
348
00:12:57,090 --> 00:12:57,647
Mm-hmm.
349
00:12:57,702 --> 00:12:59,787
Now, starting in the month of...
350
00:13:01,761 --> 00:13:03,818
Hang on. August...
351
00:13:03,819 --> 00:13:05,042
Just ask the question!
352
00:13:05,855 --> 00:13:07,365
So sorry. I, uh... hoo!
353
00:13:07,367 --> 00:13:09,333
Just have to, uh, use the restroom.
354
00:13:09,335 --> 00:13:11,502
So maybe we can discuss that later.
355
00:13:11,806 --> 00:13:13,905
Okay, great. You know what?
I have to go too, so I'll tag along.
356
00:13:13,907 --> 00:13:14,974
Great.
357
00:13:15,062 --> 00:13:17,542
That's great.
Just, uh, follow me this way.
358
00:13:19,411 --> 00:13:20,411
You're bringing the kettlebells
359
00:13:20,413 --> 00:13:21,640
- to the bathroom?
- Yes, I am.
360
00:13:21,641 --> 00:13:23,496
They help me.
361
00:13:24,898 --> 00:13:27,852
Okay, if we got rid
of break room coffee,
362
00:13:27,854 --> 00:13:29,821
we would save another $300 a year.
363
00:13:29,823 --> 00:13:32,421
Great, let's take it.
That would put us over $8,000.
364
00:13:32,892 --> 00:13:34,459
Hey, you guys taking the coffee?
365
00:13:34,605 --> 00:13:37,028
If we don't find enough
budget cuts to cover
366
00:13:37,030 --> 00:13:39,032
her salary, Laurie is gonna fire Myrtle.
367
00:13:39,033 --> 00:13:39,753
- Oh.
- What?
368
00:13:39,753 --> 00:13:40,333
Are you kidding?
369
00:13:40,334 --> 00:13:41,844
Wait, why would she fire Myrtle?
370
00:13:41,846 --> 00:13:43,701
Nobody knows. It's just random.
371
00:13:43,703 --> 00:13:44,769
It's because she's a bitch.
372
00:13:44,958 --> 00:13:45,976
Laurie, not Myrtle.
373
00:13:46,239 --> 00:13:48,604
Please, Jeff did all
kinds of crappy things,
374
00:13:48,604 --> 00:13:49,850
and no one ever called him a bitch.
375
00:13:49,851 --> 00:13:52,243
When Jeff changed the vendors
for the vending machine,
376
00:13:52,245 --> 00:13:55,413
you called him a [bleep].
377
00:13:55,415 --> 00:13:56,912
Yeah, well, that's because
the vending machine
378
00:13:56,912 --> 00:13:58,116
didn't have any Takis.
379
00:13:58,118 --> 00:13:59,984
Sorry, if Laurie is being a bitch,
380
00:13:59,986 --> 00:14:02,420
wouldn't the truly
sexist thing be for me
381
00:14:02,422 --> 00:14:03,955
to not call her a bitch?
382
00:14:03,957 --> 00:14:04,895
No, that's not the point.
383
00:14:04,896 --> 00:14:07,492
Actually, I think I kind
of agree with Marcus.
384
00:14:07,494 --> 00:14:08,493
- What?
- Yes!
385
00:14:08,495 --> 00:14:09,722
Red pill brothers.
386
00:14:09,723 --> 00:14:11,896
No, I just mean if we had true equality,
387
00:14:11,898 --> 00:14:14,031
you could call out women
for doing something terrible
388
00:14:14,033 --> 00:14:15,600
when they're doing something terrible.
389
00:14:15,602 --> 00:14:16,734
Like being a bitch.
390
00:14:16,736 --> 00:14:18,269
See, there's that word again.
391
00:14:18,271 --> 00:14:19,363
- Maybe let's not use that.
- Don't?
392
00:14:19,364 --> 00:14:21,439
Yeah, only women
can use the word "bitch,"
393
00:14:21,441 --> 00:14:23,304
'cause we took that word
back, right, ladies?
394
00:14:23,305 --> 00:14:25,143
No, bitch, the gays took that from you.
395
00:14:25,145 --> 00:14:26,811
Okay, I think we're off track.
396
00:14:26,813 --> 00:14:28,713
To be honest, I'm not sure
what on track would look like.
397
00:14:28,715 --> 00:14:31,349
Hey, if Hitler was a woman,
would you be defending Hitler?
398
00:14:31,351 --> 00:14:32,784
No, obviously not.
399
00:14:32,786 --> 00:14:34,652
What if Oprah hosted the Holocaust?
400
00:14:34,654 --> 00:14:36,705
I'm not sure one hosts a holocaust.
401
00:14:36,706 --> 00:14:38,389
Don't mansplain her.
402
00:14:38,391 --> 00:14:40,725
Okay, I'm not in favor of any holocaust,
403
00:14:40,727 --> 00:14:42,727
but if there was a holocaust, then yeah,
404
00:14:42,729 --> 00:14:44,495
Oprah's who I would want to host it.
405
00:14:44,497 --> 00:14:46,366
And I actually agree with that.
406
00:14:46,367 --> 00:14:47,097
- Mm-hmm.
- Me too.
407
00:14:47,098 --> 00:14:48,499
- Yeah.
- That's a really good...
408
00:14:48,501 --> 00:14:50,293
I think we solved sexism, guys.
409
00:14:51,704 --> 00:14:55,072
Myrtle, you've been with us a long time.
410
00:14:55,074 --> 00:14:58,248
And all good things must come to an end.
411
00:15:00,346 --> 00:15:03,088
Myrtle, I am trying to talk to you.
412
00:15:03,583 --> 00:15:06,383
Oh, I'm sorry. I...
413
00:15:07,110 --> 00:15:09,612
I just like looking at the trucks.
414
00:15:11,257 --> 00:15:14,187
I always wanted to drive one of those.
415
00:15:15,728 --> 00:15:16,865
All right, Myrtle.
416
00:15:16,866 --> 00:15:19,123
Are you sure you know what you're doing?
417
00:15:19,465 --> 00:15:20,040
Yep.
418
00:15:22,235 --> 00:15:24,101
Breaker 1-9.
419
00:15:24,103 --> 00:15:26,451
This is Myrtle the Turtle saying,
420
00:15:26,739 --> 00:15:28,639
keep it groovy.
421
00:15:28,641 --> 00:15:29,889
Get off this channel.
422
00:15:30,619 --> 00:15:33,911
Mateo, I've just been going
over everyone's UPM numbers.
423
00:15:33,913 --> 00:15:35,413
Your score's very impressive.
424
00:15:35,415 --> 00:15:36,495
Oh, really?
425
00:15:36,783 --> 00:15:38,816
Um, I thought it was just average.
426
00:15:38,818 --> 00:15:40,087
Maybe slightly above.
427
00:15:40,163 --> 00:15:42,053
But, uh, wow. Thank you.
428
00:15:42,055 --> 00:15:45,122
I mean, I've never seen 121 UPM before.
429
00:15:45,124 --> 00:15:47,592
121!
430
00:15:47,594 --> 00:15:49,283
That's so stupid.
431
00:15:50,420 --> 00:15:51,229
Good.
432
00:15:51,231 --> 00:15:52,396
Stupid good.
433
00:15:52,398 --> 00:15:53,631
I didn't even know that the lasers
434
00:15:53,633 --> 00:15:55,600
could read the bar codes that quickly.
435
00:15:55,602 --> 00:15:56,601
Wow.
436
00:15:56,602 --> 00:15:58,172
Hey, you know what would be a good idea?
437
00:15:58,173 --> 00:16:00,638
If Mateo did a demonstration
of his technique
438
00:16:00,640 --> 00:16:02,139
for the rest of us.
439
00:16:02,141 --> 00:16:04,192
- What?
- I love that idea.
440
00:16:04,193 --> 00:16:05,910
Okay, excellent. Yes.
441
00:16:05,912 --> 00:16:08,446
Let's meet, register one,
five minutes, okay?
442
00:16:08,448 --> 00:16:10,114
- Five minutes, we'll be there.
- See you there.
443
00:16:10,116 --> 00:16:11,220
O-okay.
444
00:16:12,352 --> 00:16:13,818
What was that?
445
00:16:13,820 --> 00:16:16,053
That's what happens
when you say that "Star Wars"
446
00:16:16,055 --> 00:16:18,155
and "Star Trek" are the same thing.
447
00:16:18,373 --> 00:16:21,259
What... so this whole thing is
just a setup because I insulted
448
00:16:21,261 --> 00:16:23,728
- your stupid space opera?
- Shh!
449
00:16:23,730 --> 00:16:24,729
Save your energy.
450
00:16:25,012 --> 00:16:25,683
Oh, God.
451
00:16:35,436 --> 00:16:38,832
- You're a good man.
- Look how good she's doing.
452
00:16:47,894 --> 00:16:49,511
Oh, that's my car.
453
00:16:50,511 --> 00:16:52,862
That's what I get for parking
outside the lines.
454
00:16:56,860 --> 00:16:57,960
Is this everyone?
455
00:16:57,961 --> 00:16:59,197
Should we wait for more people?
456
00:16:59,198 --> 00:17:00,727
Mm, nope. We're ready.
457
00:17:01,323 --> 00:17:02,607
Great.
458
00:17:03,801 --> 00:17:05,108
Just...
459
00:17:08,903 --> 00:17:09,673
Ooh.
460
00:17:10,502 --> 00:17:11,795
You don't wanna start with cold muscles.
461
00:17:11,796 --> 00:17:13,387
Hey, you look pretty warm to me.
462
00:17:13,388 --> 00:17:14,556
It's showtime, Mateo.
463
00:17:15,743 --> 00:17:16,520
Okay.
464
00:17:17,104 --> 00:17:17,907
Great.
465
00:17:19,011 --> 00:17:20,126
So, um...
466
00:17:21,313 --> 00:17:22,904
first thing is, um,
467
00:17:23,885 --> 00:17:25,184
check the equipment.
468
00:17:26,003 --> 00:17:26,682
So...
469
00:17:27,955 --> 00:17:31,223
Oh. Ah, looks like it's broken.
470
00:17:31,225 --> 00:17:32,504
You just turned it off.
471
00:17:32,927 --> 00:17:33,836
Here.
472
00:17:35,620 --> 00:17:36,884
Thank you, Cheyenne.
473
00:17:38,299 --> 00:17:41,746
So now we begin.
474
00:17:52,813 --> 00:17:54,046
- Bees!
- What?
475
00:17:54,048 --> 00:17:55,588
Oh, I got stung!
476
00:17:56,179 --> 00:17:57,078
Bees!
477
00:17:57,151 --> 00:17:59,818
Killer bees! Killer bees!
478
00:17:59,820 --> 00:18:02,104
Get out of the store!
There's killer bees!
479
00:18:02,105 --> 00:18:03,195
Get out!
480
00:18:03,196 --> 00:18:03,978
Get out!
481
00:18:04,392 --> 00:18:05,617
Killer bees!
482
00:18:16,353 --> 00:18:17,803
This red area here
483
00:18:17,805 --> 00:18:20,659
represents all the money
the store spends on utilities.
484
00:18:20,660 --> 00:18:23,446
Amy, that is a big slice of pie.
485
00:18:23,447 --> 00:18:24,944
A very big slice, Jonah.
486
00:18:24,946 --> 00:18:26,612
I mean, I couldn't finish that.
487
00:18:26,614 --> 00:18:30,416
But when the store shifts over
to LED and motion sensors,
488
00:18:30,418 --> 00:18:33,118
then something happens
to that slice of pie.
489
00:18:33,120 --> 00:18:34,320
- Next slide.
- Mm.
490
00:18:34,322 --> 00:18:37,423
That slice gets a lot smaller.
491
00:18:37,425 --> 00:18:40,793
Yeah, you know, if someone
offered me a slice that size
492
00:18:40,795 --> 00:18:42,928
- at a birthday party...
- Okay, I have to leave
493
00:18:42,930 --> 00:18:44,463
in two minutes, so if we could just
494
00:18:44,465 --> 00:18:45,364
hurry this up, please?
495
00:18:45,366 --> 00:18:46,699
- Oh.
- Yeah, of course.
496
00:18:46,701 --> 00:18:48,600
- Go to the end.
- Okay.
497
00:18:48,602 --> 00:18:51,003
- Keep going.
- Let's see, uh... da-da-da.
498
00:18:51,005 --> 00:18:52,862
I'm sorry, was that
the donkey from "Shrek"?
499
00:18:52,863 --> 00:18:54,039
Yeah, that was for a budget pun,
500
00:18:54,041 --> 00:18:55,470
but it doesn't matter anymore.
501
00:18:55,471 --> 00:18:56,423
Oh, okay, here we go.
502
00:18:56,424 --> 00:18:59,178
Uh, once you've added up
all the cost-saving provisions,
503
00:18:59,180 --> 00:19:05,484
- the total savings comes to...
- $18,326.
504
00:19:05,486 --> 00:19:08,554
- Now, that's so many savings.
- Now, that is a lot of savings.
505
00:19:08,556 --> 00:19:09,238
Wow.
506
00:19:10,124 --> 00:19:12,992
That, I have to admit,
is very impressive.
507
00:19:12,994 --> 00:19:14,994
- Thank you.
- That's nice of you to say.
508
00:19:16,925 --> 00:19:19,631
Great, so, um... so Myrtle gets to keep
509
00:19:19,633 --> 00:19:20,923
- her job, then?
- Yay!
510
00:19:20,924 --> 00:19:25,371
Oh, I just... I'm sorry.
I can't justify keeping her.
511
00:19:25,373 --> 00:19:28,040
- Wait.
- Um, but you said that if we
512
00:19:28,042 --> 00:19:29,675
found the savings,
you wouldn't fire her.
513
00:19:29,677 --> 00:19:32,077
I know that I said that,
but, yeah, I just...
514
00:19:32,079 --> 00:19:35,014
honestly, I didn't think
that you'd be able to do it.
515
00:19:35,016 --> 00:19:35,787
All right.
516
00:19:36,209 --> 00:19:38,717
Very impressive, though,
and very good work.
517
00:19:39,854 --> 00:19:41,220
I got my eye on you guys.
518
00:19:41,222 --> 00:19:43,081
You have a very bright future.
519
00:19:43,891 --> 00:19:44,721
Oh.
520
00:19:45,526 --> 00:19:47,259
What's the joke about the donkey?
521
00:19:47,261 --> 00:19:51,063
Oh, uh, "Only an ass would
keep writing blank Shreks"
522
00:19:51,065 --> 00:19:52,712
for doughnut Thursdays."
523
00:19:53,369 --> 00:19:54,125
Funny.
524
00:19:55,936 --> 00:19:57,636
Told you it wasn't funny.
525
00:20:06,113 --> 00:20:08,580
So you've never even been to Denver?
526
00:20:08,582 --> 00:20:11,388
No, why do people keep asking me that?
527
00:20:11,389 --> 00:20:12,407
Laurie.
528
00:20:12,953 --> 00:20:14,477
Ah, quitting time, huh?
529
00:20:14,664 --> 00:20:16,862
- Oh, yeah.
- Man, I cannot wait to get home.
530
00:20:16,863 --> 00:20:18,624
I am gonna get drunk.
531
00:20:18,626 --> 00:20:21,026
Smoke some cigarettes,
jump on my trampoline.
532
00:20:21,028 --> 00:20:22,895
- Whoo!
- Okay, it's a big night.
533
00:20:22,897 --> 00:20:24,428
I'm sorry, you just...
534
00:20:24,429 --> 00:20:25,469
you look different.
535
00:20:26,332 --> 00:20:27,266
Whoa.
536
00:20:27,582 --> 00:20:30,566
You know, in the future, I'd appreciate
if you didn't comment on my body.
537
00:20:30,567 --> 00:20:31,559
You're a woman.
538
00:20:31,872 --> 00:20:33,187
You should know better.
539
00:20:37,378 --> 00:20:39,144
So what do you think of Laurie now?
540
00:20:39,146 --> 00:20:40,029
B-word?
541
00:20:40,123 --> 00:20:40,871
C-word?
542
00:20:41,316 --> 00:20:42,163
A-word?
543
00:20:42,164 --> 00:20:45,717
I think she's a [bleep].
544
00:20:45,719 --> 00:20:46,979
Okay, so same as Jeff.
545
00:20:47,514 --> 00:20:48,780
Yeah, gender neutral.
546
00:20:48,923 --> 00:20:51,557
- We've come a long way.
- Yay!
547
00:20:51,559 --> 00:20:53,725
- What is happening?
- Whoo!
548
00:20:53,727 --> 00:20:57,229
That was the best day ever!
549
00:20:57,231 --> 00:20:59,131
Oh, I'm so glad!
550
00:20:59,133 --> 00:21:02,175
Myrtle, you're fired. I feel terrible.
551
00:21:03,404 --> 00:21:06,905
Whoo, best day ever! Come on!
552
00:21:07,186 --> 00:21:08,188
Best day!
553
00:21:09,281 --> 00:21:10,189
Best day.
39455
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