All language subtitles for S03E16 Target

Um...

Thank you all very much
for this going away party.

It's very unnecessary,
and a little awkward.

I'd just like to propose
a toast to my man.

I'm sorry, did you bring
champagne for one person?

In a way, this is a
celebration of us reuniting.

No, no, I am celebrating

never having to work with Jeff again.

Not you two reuniting.

Frankly, think this is a mismatch.

I'll miss your candor, Dina.

Hey, why don't we all go around
and tell our favorite Jeff story?

Okay, I want to go first.
Jeff, I remember once,

you brought a ham sandwich,

and I was like, typical Jeff.

I remember when we bonded

over having seen "The Danish Girl."

I've never seen "The Danish Girl."

That wasn't... Oh.

That was, that was Dale. I'm sorry.

I remember when I let you

borrow my air mattress
for your camping trip.

Remember that?

I'm going to need that back, actually.

- Of course, thank you, ASAP.
- Yeah, great.

Even though we never actually dated,

I spent several months
telling people we did.

And I created these intricate
memories of our relationship

that feel completely real.

And I have these vivid memories

of your body on top of me.

Your tongue in my mouth.

Your hands on my breasts.

That kind of thing.

Whoo, what a trip down memory lane, huh?

Jeff, you are always welcome at Cloud 9.

In fact, our café is very
popular with the unemployed.

Oh, uh, I'm not unemployed.

I took a job as a manager with Target.

Although at Target,
we call it a store lead.

- You're at Target.
- Yes, the one on Forest Park.

So uh, hope you're ready
for some competition.

- Okay, I mean, bring it on.
- Oh, yeah?

- Yeah.
- All right.

I'll clean your clock
with arm and hammer.

You know?

Oh.

- Jeff, I'm sorry.
- It's okay.

- I'm sorry, I didn't...
- It's okay.

- Just got me in the...
- I'm sorry.

Throat a little bit.

Synced and corrected by hawken45
for www.addic7ed.com

I can't believe Jeff is going to Target.

So what if Jeff works to Target?

What is the big deal?

Jeff has seen Cloud 9 from the inside.

He knows all our secrets.
It's like in football,

when they trade
a player to another team,

and then that player knows
how to beat his old team.

Yeah, but don't they do that
all the time in football?

Like, isn't that like, a thing?

Amy, don't talk sports.
You're embarrassing yourself.

It's newly renovated, but it
still has its original molding,

and it's in walking distance
to the farmer's market.

That place looks great.
You should take it.

It just feels a little small,

or claustrophobic, or something.

Well, I mean, we're not going
to find something perfect.

I mean, you said the
last one was too loud.

The one before that was on a slant,

and the one before that
had a weird curry smell.

And I actually like curry,
but that was a bad curry.

And the scary part is,
like, what's it covering?

- What aren't you smelling?
- Just think.

You'll get to wake up
to stuff like that every day.

Okay, you remember the guy
from the pet store?

- Uh, no.
- You remember.

- The guy from the pet store.
- Oh, yeah, continue.

We're meeting for lunch today,

and he's bringing a friend.

Oh, oh, oh, you mean, for me?

No, no, no. No, no.

Ah, come on, I really like this guy.

He makes me feel like...

Have you ever fired a gun into the sky?

Well I mean, I guess if you really...

I've already told him
how desperate you are,

and he says his friend is fine with it.

How nice. Um, you know what, Dina,

actually, I think I'm going to pass.

I made myself a PB&J for lunch

that I have been looking
forward to all morning.

So maybe next time,

if there's, you know,

Oh, oh, hi, yeah, um,

I want to buy a dog with
a birthmark around its eye,

but in the shape of a blue cloud.

Well, your website says
you have all breeds.

Well, that's misleading,
don't you think?

Well, I do!

Sorry, dealing with some
false advertising there.

- What's up?
- Look, I need to talk to you.

Uh, my living expenses
are about to go up

- now that Jonah's moving out.
- Okay.

And um, well, I've been
working here for a while,

and I'm a hard worker.

Er, I'm a worker.

Garrett, I'm sorry, I can't
deal with this right now.

I am in the dance off
of my life with Target.

- Sorry.
- Hmm.

Uh, well, you know, Jeff
offered me a job at Target

- for a dollar more an hour.
- He what?

But you don't have to worry about it.

Because I told him that you
would probably match it.

- That bald little weasel!
- What?

What are you, wait, whoa, wait, hold on.

Not enough that he's trying
to steal our secrets.

But then he comes after
my second coolest employee?

- Oh, I don't think so.
- You don't need to do...

Who's the first coolest employee?

Oh, Hi Jeff, it's Glenn
Sturgis from Cloud 9.

We need to talk face to face,
at your earliest convenience.

Okay, bye-bye.

He doesn't know who he's dealing with.

Oh.

Pistachio shells.

Wow, he is so hot. Is he a model?

He's a lawyer, but I think he used to be

a skydiving instructor, and he
does a lot of charity work.

- That's perfect.
- Who is this?

Oh, Dina's setting me up
with her boyfriend's friend.

- Holy [bleep].
- I know, right?

- You're all like, lucky bitch.
- Well, I mean,

- now I wish I was going.
- Okay, Amy's in.

Justine, you can eat lunch
alone, like always.

What? Thanks a lot, Amy.

I'm so sorry, I didn't
mean for that to happen.

Okay, Justine, you're back in.

No, no, now it's just getting confusing,

going back and forth, so I'll just go.

You know, just to make it easy.

- You sure?
- Oh, my God, yes.

Well, what looks good?

So that picture you showed me.

That wasn't a black and white filter?

Oh, no. He's old.

Hey, Jeff, the man in red!
What are you doing here?

Uh, I got a meeting with Glenn.

Oh, okay, okay. Well hold up, man.

Jeez, it has been forever
since we had a chat.

- Yes.
- You watch the show

- last night?
- Uh, what show?

I don't know, any of them.
I like them all.

Hey, you like chicken wings, right?

- Not really.
- Well, that's great.

Because I'm going to
take you to lunch to a place

that does not sell them. Let's go.

I cannot do that now,
but thank you for the invite.

Do me a favor, just text me
the name of the restaurant.

I'm always looking for a new spot.

Okay, well hey, don't worry
about what Glenn says.

'Cause, you know, typical Glenn.

So how do the
two of you know each other?

His older sister babysat me.

What does that mean?

There, see, plenty of space.
You got room for the couch,

and there's the coffee table,

and here's your beat up bookcase.

That's not beat up.
That's reclaimed wood.

Uh, well, the point is, everything fits.

- Mmm, it does feel spacious.
- Yeah.

But it's misleading.
We don't just live like this.

We live like this.

What is happening?
I don't think I live like that.

Two-dimensionally, this is fine.

We need to go 3-D.

You can't just imagine?

- 3-D.
- 3-D.

Thank you for coming in, Jeff.

That's more comfortable.

Um, I wanted to have
a sit down with you,

so that we could go over
the rules of the game.

- What game?
- Okay, look.

Let's not insult each other, all right?

If you respect me, I'll respect you.

But if you start trying
to pooch my people,

then we are going to have a problem.

Pooch? Did you mean "poach"?

- Don't play dumb with me!
- Okay, Glenn.

Not sure what you're trying to do,
but you don't have to intimidate me.

No, you don't tell me what to do, okay?

Because you're not my boss anymore.

You're just another schmo, like me,

down here in the dirt
with the rest of us.

Yeah.

You don't like it, do you?

Down here in the dirt.

Well here, let me clean you up.

- What, don't do that.
- Well, then stop

trying to steal my people.

Hey, I'm not trying to steal
your people. Stop spraying me

- with the bottle.
- Liar, liar.

Stop spraying me with
the bottle, I'm not lying!

Mmm.

One more time.

Spray me one more time.

You want to poach? Let's poach.

What, no, I don't want to poach.

That's what this was all about.

Were you even listening
to what I was saying?

It's interesting, because
when they were young,

it was Loraine who wanted
to be the geologist,

and Edwin who wanted to be the lawyer.

Wow, well, a lot can
change over 30 years.

Oh, look, they have
the same beverage rep we do.

You know, that's funny,
I always thought his district

went west from the store, and not east.

But what do you know? East.

I love your stories.

Aww.

You know what, I actually
have to talk to that guy.

- Can't it wait?
- No, it can't.

You know how I am with beverages.

Excuse me.

She's coo-coo for liquids.

Hi, hey, excuse me, uh, my name is Amy.

I work at Cloud 9,
I'm on a terrible date

with a grandfather, so I just
need to look like I'm talking

to you about some business.
Can you help me?

Yeah, should I just nod a lot,

like you're saying
something really important?

Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Nodding would be great.

Wow, that's a very
insightful point you're making

about the uh, beverages.

Um, and now, I am pointing,

because we are in a disagreement.

Oof, she is really laying into him.

Sorry, Walter, she can be
a bit of a handful.

Exactly, exactly.

Oh, yeah, and that goes right here.

Yeah, great.

Still don't understand why Glenn wants

a living room display set up
in the middle of everything.

I don't know, the guy's falling apart.

Okay, well.

This still works for me.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's Sunday, we're relaxing.

- Yeah.
- Wait.

- Where am I putting my coffee?
- Uh, well,

I'm just spitballing here,
but maybe the coffee table?

Yeah, but then I'm always
leaning over to get the coffee.

You know? And then, if I want to

- put my feet up, I kick it over.
- Right.

We're going to need
an end table right here.

Okay, good, yeah,
we will get an end table.

Well, you can't just get one end table.

You need another one
to match for the other side.

Mm-hmm, uh, well then,
two end tables coming up.

Do we have enough
seating for game night?

I'm on it.

Oh, this is a pleasant surprise.

- Not now, Mateo.
- Excuse me?

Attention, everyone.

Who here would like to come with me,

- and join the Target family?
- Jeff, what are you doing?

No, no, no, you leave my people alone.

Or you'll do what? I told you,

if I want your people, I'll take them.

You hate most of the
people who work here.

You talk about it all the time.

Yes, I'm mainly doing it out of spite.

- Who wants to join?
- No one wants to join you!

We're loyal to Cloud 9 here.
Nobody likes Target.

I love Target.

I like to call it "Tarzhay,"
like it's fancy.

Listen, Target is a better store.

- It's clearer, it's more fun.
- ♪ Cantaloupe on fence post ♪

- ♪ Horses in the barn ♪ Come on!
- They have better products.

- They treat their people better.
- ♪ Flapjacks on the table ♪

- They're better customers.
- ♪ Grandpa singing a yarn ♪

They have a better location.

It's generally just a very cool store.

Good arguments on both sides.

Why don't we all just go home,
and think about it overnight?

I'll go with you, Jeff.

And I promise to keep it professional.

Well, technically,
it was always professional,

except for in your,
you know what, whatever, fine.

Sandra, he doesn't really want you.

He's just upset because
Garrett wouldn't go with him.

Yeah, that's right.
And I'm staying, Jeff.

- So, sorry.
- Ha, you just lost Garrett.

- Enjoy your Garrett-less store.
- Fine.

- He's incompetent, anyhow.
- Hold up, I'm not incompetent.

- I just don't try.
- Get out of my store.

- You are banned from Cloud 9.
- Are you...

- Stop pushing me, Glenn.
- No, I'm throwing you,

- take that, ow!
- Oh!

Yeah, don't, hey, this is abuse!

Call a cop!

What are you guys doing? You know
we're short staffed up front, right?

Oh, uh,

Glenn asked us to put together
a living room display, so...

He said it was a priority.

Glenn asked you to do a display?

Why would he ask you and not me?

I don't know.

- He just did.
- Yeah.

You don't think Glenn's mad
at me because of Jeff, do you?

- Oh...
- Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's probably it.

A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L.

Your improv skills
are really impressive.

Thank you.

You sure you're not into him?

- He seems wise.
- Ah.

Like the kind of guy
that has a lot of information

- about the early days of cars.
- Oh, ha, okay.

You've got jokes. Well,

I am upset about how much movie
tickets cost me these days,

so maybe I could take advantage
of his senior discount.

Well, if you're not going to go for him,

I might take a shot.

- Don't laugh, they're watching.
- Oh!

Um, what do we talk about now?

If Jeff is going to pooch our people,

well I say let's see how
he likes it when we pooch his.

Yeah, I'll show him how incompetent I am

- at taking his employees.
- What?

Well, Jeff said that
I was being incompetent,

so it was kind of like wordplay.

Man, never mind, sorry. Forcing it.

All right, well, let's see who's going

to want to leave this dump.

Wow, it's really nice in here.

Wow, the red's so lively.
It really pops.

I just don't understand
how someone can hate the sun.

Well, I mean, no, I don't hate the sun.

I just find it really annoying.
I do hate the beach, though.

Because my parents took me

on this god-awful trip
to the Gulf Coast...

Come on, you are missing the whole date.

And we are on a time crunch.
Walter can't drive at night.

Right, sure. So, um, next time,

less diet, more regular. Got it?

Got it, got it, I don't know
why it took me so long

to understand that very simple point.

You're welcome, now let's
get back to the table.

Walter ordered you two puddings.

Does it...

- Does it feel cramped?
- Yes, yes it does

feel cramped. I mean, we have, like,

five ottomans, a million chairs,

a steamer trunk.
I mean, there's wicker balls.

You brought in a mannequin
for some reason.

That's supposed to represent a guest.

Dude, what is going on?

Do you want to move in together, or not?

Of course I do.
I'm the one who suggested it.

Right, but is it because you wanted to,

or because you felt bad
about the Amy stuff?

Because, if so,
you know, that's, that's dumb.

That was part of it, okay?

You could have mentioned this to me

before we brought in the
entire furniture department.

Well.

Earl did most of the work.

Did you know that Cloud 9 employees

get a 5% discount
on anything in the store?

Cool, ours is actually higher than that.

Well, yeah, but if you worked there,

you'd have a shorter commute.

Um, you don't know where I live.

Well, you can tell me
on your first day, then.

How would you like to work at
the Cloud 9 on Ozark Highlands? Hum?

Heavenly shopping, down to Earth prices?

Isn't that the store
where they found a foot?

Yeah, it's one of the Cloud 9 stores

where a foot was found, yes.

- Welcome aboard.
- Yeah.

Look, I know that they
pay you more here at Target,

but there are some things
that you can't put a price on.

- Making it rain!
- Like that.

Can't put a price on that.

Jonah is dating Kelly, right?
Except he kissed Amy

during the tornado,
and Carol hates Sandra,

because she stole Jerry.

Of course, everybody hates Justine.

- Consider yourself poached.
- You got poached!

No, I'm going to stay here, because...

- Yeah, I'm going to stay.
- Yeah, I think you're coming.

- You got poached!
- No.

Hey, excuse me, miss.

Hi, Glenn.

Sup, Cheyenne.

What are you doing here?
Are you like, undercover?

- Are you spying?
- No, I work here.

- Part time.
- Okay, look, I know that's

not true, because I've seen you
work at Cloud 9 part time.

Well yeah, this is where I work

with the other part of my time.

It's just been for the last few months,

just to make some extra
money for college.

If you needed a raise,
why didn't you come see me?

I mean, I have a discretionary fund.

- Dude, I need a raise.
- Not now, Garrett.

It's not just about the money.

There are other perks. Like, Harmonica

gets to go to this really
cushy day care place.

They never have fires there.

Oh, come on. They must have some fires.

Nope, not one. I checked.

Whoa.

Every time you stock
bread, don't you just

want to squish it as hard as you can?

Honestly, yeah.

- I thought I was a werido.
- I just think it would be,

just like, just so satisfying.

I'm going to do it.

- What, no, no.
- I'm doing it right now.

No, you're doing it right now?

- Yes, I am.
- How does it feel?

- Does it feel good?
- It feels great.

- Oh, it looks so good.
- You should try it.

- Oh, I couldn't.
- Do it.

- I can't.
- Do it.

- I'm doing it.
- You're doing it.

- Oh, it feels real good.
- Doesn't it?

Smack it,

- and see what happens.
- No, don't...

It comes apart.

- It's a...
- Let's move in together.

- Jonah, you don't have to...
- No, I mean it, I mean it.

I want to.
I would like to live with you.

I, literally, I just told that guy

that he could move in with me.

- That guy?
- Mm-hmm.

I knew it, I always
lose out to that guy.

Hey, this is nice.

Well, I'm trying to get
back on Glenn's good side.

I love the fact that
you quit your job for me,

but I just wish you hadn't told everyone

- that you got a job at Target.
- I just couldn't...

Admit to everybody around here
that I'm unemployed.

I mean, people think of me
as this powerful guy

who's got it all going on,
and I just don't want

- to let everybody down.
- So you don't work at Target?

No, but um, I'm in the mix.

Cool.

I got to go find Glenn.

We might as well accept,
we work in an inferior store.

With inferior benefits.

And inferior popcorn.

- We don't even have popcorn.
- Oh, shut up.

Hey, sorry, you can't eat
food on the display furniture.

Oh, hey, Owen, it's okay.
These are my Cloud 9 friends.

- Well, Cloud 9 friend and boss.
- Oh, this is Glenn.

- You, you talk about me?
- Of course I do.

Oh, I'm just so surprised.

Just that, she never
talks about you guys at all.

Not at all. I mean, I didn't even know

she worked here until today.

- Okay.
- Hey, Owen,

does she ever talk about me?
I'm Garrett.

Yeah.

Hey, what do you think of Jeff?

Jeff who?

Exactly, Jeff who.

So I just got a text from Hank.

- Apparently, Walter is into you.
- Oh, cool.

Yeah, he thinks you had
a great connection.

I knew you two would hit it off.

Anyway, he wants you to give him a call,

but if you get his voice-mail,
don't leave a message

because he doesn't know
how to retrieve them.

Meanwhile, Hank and I
are meeting up again tonight.

Do you want me to describe
the sex to you tomorrow,

or show you a QuickTime?

Uh, yeah, no, that sounds great.

Really? I'll send you a file.

- Hey.
- Hey, hey.

- Hi, what are you doing here?
- Oh, um,

- your store is on my route.
- Yeah, no, I know,

but don't we usually get
deliveries on Tuesdays?

Um, that is 100 percent true.
But, uh, my boss called,

and he said hey,
can you switch things up

- and go by there today.
- Oh.

And, you know, he's my boss, so.

So.

Here I am.

Here you are.