All language subtitles for Isnt.It.Romantic.2019.720p.BluRay.x264-GECKOS-HI

VIVIAN: (ON TV) Don't you knock?

EDWARD: (ON TV) Vivian...

I'm going to be in town until Sunday.
I'd like you to spend the week with me.

VIVIAN: Holy shit! (LAUGHS)

EDWARD: Would you send up some champagne
and strawberries, please?

Vivian, is that a yes?

(VIVIAN SPUTTERS)

Yes. (SPITS)

Yes!

EDWARD: I'll be gone most of the day.

Wake up, Natalie. It's just a movie.

Forget about men.

Forget about love.

In real life,
girls like us don't get that.

Why?

Look in the mirror, darl.
We're no Julia Roberts.

We're not?

That woman has got
a million-dollar smile.

She's got a gorgeous mane of hair.

Okay, she might not have to bleach
her mustache,

but she hasn't even got room
for a mustache.

She's got a tiny little space here.

They'll never make a movie
about girls like us, and you know why?

Why?

Because it would be so sad,

they'd have to
sprinkle Prozac on the popcorn

or people would kill themselves.

You see, Natalie,
life's not a fairy tale.

There's no happy endings.

There is always gonna be a happy ending.

No, darling.

Someone might marry you for a visa,
that's about it.

(ALARM BEEPING)

- (ALARM STOPS)
- (GRUNTS SOFTLY)

(EXHALES)

Ow.

NATALIE: Oh, Baxter!

I need those. Hey.

Baxter, (IMITATES GUNSHOT) roll over.

Play dead.

(SIGHS) Come here.

(GRUNTS)

Morning kiss for Mommy?

(KISSING) Baxter?

Oh, hi, Donny.

Some girl taped this love note
to my door.

"To Big D."

I think it's just one of the many girls
that are obsessed with you.

Yeah, yeah. All right.
I'll give it to my secretary.

- Thanks.
- Oh.

You have a secretary?

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Stop the cart!

- What?
- Stop it with your body!

- Me?
- Do it!

No, I can't!

My cart is valuable!

- I can't!
- Stop the cart!

(NATALIE GRUNTS)

Wow! You're built
like a cement truck.

Yeah. Thank you.

That's what all the guys say.

(HORN HONKING)

(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)

MAN: Hey, Nat.

Do me a favor
and throw this away for me?

I'm so busy.

Uh, I'm kind of busy too,
but, yeah, yeah.

Natalie. The 3D printer is down.
Can you call the IT guy?

Donna, you know, technically,
you're the office manager, right?

I do.

Tell him it's not even turning on now.

You're the best.

(SIGHS) Morning, Whit.

Hey.

WHITNEY: Good morning, Boss.

Is he here yet?

No, not yet.

You're gonna kill the Lewis pitch
this morning.

Yeah. I don't know

- whether I'm fully ready, but...
- (ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)

I don't know how to...

- Whoa.
- Maybe I shouldn't.

Okay, hold that thought. He's here.

NATALIE: That's our new client?

WHITNEY: Why is he so beautiful?

He's, like, CW hot.

I just suddenly got the urge to catcall.

Like, I don't whistle.
But I just wanna...

(WHISTLES MEEKLY)

Guys, please don't objectify the men
in this office.

Okay, I won't stand for it.

So, you gonna pitch in there?

(STAMMERS) I don't know.

No one really cares about
the parking garages.

Mmm-mmm. No, no, no, no.

You are not chickening out.
It's a good idea.

I don't know. Sometimes when I go into
the big meetings,

they just cut me off
and I don't get my ideas out right,

and everyone just thinks
I'm the coffee bitch,

which is unfair 'cause sometimes I bring
doughnuts as well.

Maybe I could just email it?

Oh, yeah. You're right.
You could just email it.

That's a good idea.
You should just sit down,

not go in the big meeting,

not present all your hard work.

'Cause that would be awful, right?

- NATALIE: Josh! (SCREAMS)
- Everyone loving your great work.

Possibly getting a pay raise,

everyone's respect.

Everyone would be like, "Wow, Natalie!

We love your idea!

We're gonna give you all the money
in the world!"

Josh, stop being such an idiot!

You're the most formidable architect
in this firm!

People are listening!

BOSS: Natalie.

You gonna join us
for our professional meeting?

Yes. Um...

Yes, I am. Sorry.

Kill it, Nat.

(IMITATING GUNFIRE)

(GROANING)

Sorry about that. Excuse me.

Oh, thanks, hon.

NATALIE: Oh, no, that's my...

BLAKE: Mmm!

Oh, God damn it!

Who puts whipped cream in a coffee?

Do you mind?
I'll just have a normal coffee. Thanks.

I'm not an assistant, sir.

Architect. Yeah.

(NATALIE STAMMERING)

But I'm also a team player

and I'd be very happy
to get you another coffee.

That would be great.

I'll be right back, everyone.

(LIVELY MUSIC PLAYING)

Miss? Yo!

Yo!

You dropped your glasses.

- Here you go.
- Thank you.

Oh, I'm cheesing really hard.
(CHUCKLES)

- How are you...
- Oh!

- Very sorry.
- MAN: Come on, man.

So, it's not like I thought
I was gonna be

the star of the meeting or anything.

Like, I'm not that good.

But even if I see him again,
a guy like that, I'm just invisible to.

What do you mean "a guy like that"?

You know, like a nice guy
with a nice life.

I'm a nice guy. I see you.

I've got a nice life.

I do!

I have a hybrid.

Yeah. I know, I know.

No, you know what I mean.
Like super-rich.

Like super-successful, super-hunky guy.

I'm just extra-invisible
to a guy like that, you know?

Yeah. Got it.

You know, even if he noticed you,

you wouldn't notice him noticing you.

What does that mean?

It means that you're blind to love.

You don't even see it.

- No, I'm not.
- Yeah!

I don't need love.

What?

You just busted through
that potential new couple back there.

Yeah.

They were about to have a moment.

That spark was there.

And you just lowered your shoulder

and ploughed through 'em
like a linebacker.

Stop being an idiot, all right?

Have you been working out a little bit?

I have. Yeah.

- That's quite hard.
- Yeah. I got an ab blaster.

NATALIE: Yeah.

(SIGHS) Hey, Whitney,
can you get me the number...

Whit?

Whit?

Um, can you maybe stop watching
full-length feature films in the office

and just, like, do your job
and assist me?

Yes, okay.

There are only, like, 43 minutes left.

So maybe I'll just stop when it's over,
and then do work.

I don't know how it ends.
Do they end up together?

This movie ends
like all stupid rom-coms do.

The girl gets the guy and then finally
that's what makes her happy.

- (IMITATES GUNSHOT)
- And what's wrong with that?

Because she should be happy
with other things in her life.

Like her great career
that she's worked hard for.

It's a romantic comedy.
They're the best.

I mean, life can be so sad.

I try to wake up smiling.

Then I turn on the news, and I'm like...

And then I turn on Sweet Home Alabama
and I'm like...

I mean, have you seen that movie?

It's literally a masterpiece.

A master piece of shit.

Whitney, all those movies are lies
set to terrible pop songs.

I love those songs.
And those movies are not lies!

Uh, yes, they are.

People waking up in bed
with full hair and makeup?

It's so unrealistic.

Every time someone puts on
a pair of pants,

it turns into a whole montage.

Yeah, 'cause trying on clothes is fun!

(SCOFFS) For you.

Okay, what about how there's always,
like, some main chick

and she's super clumsy.

She's always like, "Oh! Whoops!"

And everyone goes, "She's so charming!"

No. In real life, people would think
she had muscular dystrophy.

Your flaws are what make you beautiful.

Uh, your flaws are what make you ugly.

That's why they're called flaws.

And then, like, in those movies,

when there are two women
in the same workplace,

they have to be like mortal enemies.

But look at us. Like, I love you.
I think you're the best.

The idea that two women
can't root for each other at work

is just disgusting.

And, apparently, there's no HR at any
of those businesses in rom-com world

because there's no diversity

and people are always boning
their coworkers.

Oh, and don't even get me started
about the cliché gay best friend.

His sole purpose in the story
is just to help the main hot chick.

Like, does he have a job?

Like, what's going on in his life?
Who cares?

It's so insulting. Don't you think?

And then they always have
some stupid voiceover that comes on

to tell you
what you're supposed to think.

You know what I think? Act better.

For someone who hates romantic comedies,

you have certainly thought
about this a lot.

NATALIE: Okay, don't wait for me.

What about how at the end
of those rom-coms,

they always do this stupid, like,
slow-motion running sequence?

(MOANING)

Like, they're trying to break up
a wedding or get their lover back.

Well, guess what?

He doesn't love you.

That's why he's not currently with you
or marrying you.

He does love you.
And he's there to complete you.

Mind if I come in?
What are we talking about?

Natalie's been saying
that romantic comedies are bad,

for three hours.

Yeah, 'cause they're toxic.

Are you kidding me?

Have you seen Notting Hill?

- Have you seen 13 Going on 30?
- (NATALIE GROANS)

I put those
in my high school time capsule.

This is a man. I love this man.

That, and my hacky sack.

You two are so soft.

You know, she just hates happy endings.

NATALIE: Because it's not the end.

They stop it there
because what happens next

is, like, really shit

and nobody would wanna see that.

'Cause it's unhealthy for little girls
to watch that stuff

and think that's how life's gonna be.

I think it's nice to be reminded of how
beautiful and full of love life can be.

Nope.

Hey. So, I know you hate it,

but it is karaoke night

(IN SING-SONG VOICE) tonight.

- When?
- Tonight.

- Would you like to come?
- Uh-uh.

Or we could do something
less embarrassing

like trampoline nude in public?

- (CHUCKLES)
- Okay. Well...

Could've just said "no."

Um, can I just quickly tell you
one more thing

that romantic comedies have taught me?

No, no!

Come on.

Listen to me. You're friendzoning Josh.

No, I'm not. No, no, no.

Josh doesn't like me like that.

You sure about that?

Yeah, I'm sure.

Do you how many times a day
I catch him gawking

at that half-dressed model out there?

You know, she's like...

"Oh, look, I'm so sexy

and I just want a man
to buy me a salad. Oh!"

You know, and I don't have that.
So that's fine, you know?

I think people would have
an easier time seeing you, Natalie,

if you were a little more open.

(MOUTHING) I love you. I'm sorry.

(CELL PHONE CHIMES)

(BRAKES SQUEALING)

WOMAN ON PA: Ladies and gentlemen,

the train approaching the station
is not in service.

Please step back from the platform edge.

MAN: Oh, hey.

You got off here, too?

Oh... Hi.

I'm Jack.

Natalie.

- Nat. Like the bug.
- (CHUCKLES)

That's funny. (GRUNTS)

Just give me the purse!

- It's my purse! Hey!
- Come on. Give it to me.

(BOTH GRUNTING)

- JACK: Give it to me!
- (GRUNTS)

(BOTH GRUNTING)

Come on, I've got three kids to feed!

You look like you've known struggle.

Can you help me out? Please?

Ha, ha, sucker!
I don't even have any kids.

(GROANS)

Why does this shit always happen to me?

- (CLANGS)
- (GROANS)

TODD: Wow.

You took quite a spill.

Uh... (COUGHS)

Um... (GROANS)

I got mugged
by this childless sociopath.

- (CHUCKLES)
- We need to call the police.

And maybe I should do a sketch,
so I just...

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay.
Just slow down, lovely.

Where am I?

You're in the emergency room.

This isn't an emergency room.
This is a Williams-Sonoma.

(LAUGHS) Okay, sit back. Relax.

Just let me examine you.

Okay.

Oh, dear.

What's wrong?

Well, it's your eyes.

They're quite beautiful.

Did I die?

You are, like,
way too hot to be a doctor

and you're saying
really creepy things to me.

I am so enjoying my time with you.

Why?

- (LAUGHS) Yeah.
- Wait. I know what's going on.

You're working with that subway guy.

First he knocks me out
and then you try to steal my kidneys.

TODD: What?

Security! Please, I need help!

If you really wanna leave,

I'm sorry to say that your clothes
were completely ruined.

But don't worry.

We've picked some things out
from the lost and found for you.

Josh, um, can you call me?

I was mugged and, I don't know,
maybe I was harvested for my eggs.

I don't know.
Please, um, just call me back, okay?

- (DOGS BARKING)
- Hey, pretty woman.

- Good morning.
- NATALIE: Oh.

Love your outfit.

Very chic.

(POP SONG PLAYING ON STEREO)

(VOLUME INCREASES)

This is really weird.

- (TIRES SCREECH)
- (SHRIEKS)

Good God, are you okay?

Hey!

You... What the...

I am so sorry. My driver was probably
distracted by your...

Wow, you're quite beguiling, aren't you?

Why are you now Australian?

I'm Australian,
so it comes out that way.

No, no, no.

You weren't Australian this morning

when you stole my cup of whipped cream
with a dollop of coffee in it.

I find it impossible to believe
that we've met before

and I don't remember you.

Oh, what's going on?

Are you okay?

No! Can't you smell what's happening?

New York doesn't smell
like shit anymore.

Everything smells like lavender.

I think you might have hit your head.

Why don't we check you in
at the doctor, maybe?

Or just take you home?

Something is really wrong.

Okay. Why don't you, um,
let me take you home?

It's all right. I'm not gonna hurt you.

Let's get you home now.
I'll give you a ride. Okay?

- BLAKE: Champagne and strawberries?
- (CORK POPS)

Dom Pérignon once said
it was like tasting the stars.

Did you know he was a monk?

And we're here.

NATALIE: What?
How did we get here so fast?

That was, like, 18 seconds.

Someone's really cleaned up the street.

There's wedding dresses.

Those weren't there before.

And who put all these flowers
everywhere?

- (SNEEZES)
- Oh! Bless you.

- (SNEEZES)
- Oh! Doubles! Double blessings.

- (SNEEZES)
- Oh! Three times, that's unlucky.

I'm allergic.

You sure I can't get you something?
Maybe a hankie or a tissue?

I think I just, um, I need to lie down.

I'll be totally fine then.

- Okay.
- Uh... (STAMMERS)

Thank you. I just...

I have no idea why
you're being so nice to me. I just...

I don't get it, but thanks.

(SMACKS LIPS) Well, um...

Hold on a second.

If you need anything,

anything at all,

don't hesitate to give me a call

on my cellular telephone device.

There you go. That's my number.

That's very charming.

But you do realize there's, like,

3.6 million permutations
of how this could go together?

But there's only one you, so...

Right. That doesn't really make sense.

Neither does the way
I'm feeling about you right now.

(STAMMERS) That still doesn't change
the math, though.

But, just to be clear,
I cannot call you!

Are you feeling what I'm feeling?

No!

Call me!

Josh, I'm not kidding. Can you call me?

Did you set this all up
because I didn't go to karaoke with you?

Oh, sorry! I've just walked into
the wrong apartment.

Leaving.

Sorry!

(DOOR CLOSES)

(SNEEZES) Oh.

MAN: Thank you! These are lovely.

Holy shit!

Okay, you can come out now.
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

Whatever reality show this is,

you guys win!

I'm gonna love it, not list it.
(EXHALES)

- Hello?
- (DOG BARKING)

Baxter?

Baxter, come here, pups.

Come here.

Is that you, Baxter?

(IMITATES GUNSHOT)

- (WHINES)
- (GASPS)

You've never done that before.

(KEYPAD BEEPS)

911. What's your emergency?

Yeah, I've been robbed, sort of.

Someone's broken into my apartment

and stretched it.

And they've taken everything

and replaced it all
with much nicer stuff.

Okay, ma'am.

This doesn't sound like an emergency.
This sounds like you got it together.

Ma'am? Are you there?

NATALIE: This is
every pair of shoes ever made.

I don't normally wear heels because
of the uneven weight distribution,

but these are incredible!

And they're all in my size.

So, let me get this straight.

Your emergency
is that your apartment is too big,

you have every shoe you could ever want,

and they all fit your cute feet?

Yeah, exactly. That's what...

Bye!

(LINE DISCONNECTS)

- (SHRIEKS)
- (SCREAMS)

(BOTH SCREAMING)

Why are we screaming?

Donny! How did you get in here?

Someone said "gay Betelgeuse"
three times

and then I magically appeared.

How do you think I got in here?

With the key you gave me.
'Cause I'm your favorite neighbor.

Why are you talking like that?

Um, talking like what?

Like an offensive version of a gay guy.

(GASPS) Miss girl thing bouffant,
please.

You sound and look like an alien

- who's faking being gay.
- (CELL PHONE VIBRATING)

(GASPS) Oh, my God,
pop a Tic Tac and move it!

You've got to get to work to get
crackin' on that big presentation.

NATALIE: What presentation?

Um, I don't know. The big presentation.

Which is what my boyfriend calls me
in the sack, P.S.

(LAUGHS)

Okay, bootch,
change out of whatever this is

because I'm gonna drop you off
at the office

on the way to my no-plans-whatsoever!

(CLICKS TONGUE) Oh.

I love you so much.

Can you hear me when I say that?

(WHISPERS) How about now?

Is this how you normally get to work?

Um, if I had a job, yeah!

NATALIE: Are you gonna get a job?

(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)

(LIVELY CHATTER)

MAN: Hey, Nat.

Let me lighten your load
and grab that for you.

Oh. I wasn't fully done with that...

Hey, Natalie! Your 3D printer
was running a little bit slow,

so I had IT come by
and spiff it up for you, you know.

Just some preventive maintenance.

Oh, you had something fixed for me.

Yeah, I'm the office manager
and you're the star architect.

How else would it be, silly? (LAUGHS)

Oh, Whitney.

Oh, wow.
You look really, really different.

Um, you have to explain to me
what on earth is going on here.

I don't have to explain shit to you.
I don't work for you.

Technically, actually,
you're my assistant so...

I know you, you know...

I don't like to say, "I'm the boss"
or anything, but you're my assistant.

That's literally the funniest thing
I've ever heard.

- What?
- Me working for you.

Let me put it in terms
that you can understand.

(IMITATING AUSTRALIAN ACCENT)
You're going down, bitch.

- Natalie!
- (GASPS)

(LAUGHS) Oh, I scared you so bad.

What's up? I got your message.

Thank God! You're still you.

Okay. You're normal.

Yep, normal Josh.

Okay, I really need your help.

What's going on?

I got mugged last night,

and suddenly my apartment is tits
and my neighbor Donny

is setting gay rights back,
like, 100 years.

And Whitney is giving me
resting murder face.

Nat, are you okay?

No! My dog is now clean.
And guys look me in the eyes.

See?

Hey, guys.

I think that's a good thing,
though, right?

Maybe in theory, but this is some kind
of parallel universe.

And this isn't our office.

Josh, it's not. Look, it's not real.

I think I might be going crazy.

Hey, no! No, no, no! Come on.

(JOSH SHUSHING)

Hey, it's okay.

(CHUCKLES) You're a lot of things
but you are not crazy.

So...

So you see it, too.

Oh! Okay, thank God.

I think we should get out of here
before they bite us.

- Or impregnate us, or...
- Okay. No, let's get you some air.

No one's gonna impregnate us. Come on.

NATALIE: See?
Doesn't this all feel really weird?

Okay, you have to calm down, okay?

Just take a breath of the sweet,
sweet New York air.

(SNIFFING)

Okay, you're still looking at me
like I'm crazy.

Please, just don't commit me
to some super-beautiful insane asylum.

I don't think you are crazy.

But what you're telling me is

a little cuckoo.

But since you are the one saying it,
I believe you.

- I'll help you, okay?
- Okay.

Let's figure this out.

All right. Well,
maybe if I retrace my steps

- from last night, we could...
- (WOMAN COUGHING)

Is that woman choking?

NATALIE: No, she's just being dramatic.

I choke all the time.

You know, when you put those candies
in the back of your mouth

- and then you're like...
- (SHUSHING)

Josh?

- Josh!
- Come on. Stand up, stand up.

NATALIE: Hey, Josh?

(WOMAN GRUNTING)

Is that really necessary?

Oh, God!

She's okay.

(ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING)

Hi.

Hi.

You saved my life.

I can't thank you enough.

Josh.

That is such a beautiful name.

Josh.

I like how you say it. (CHUCKLES) Josh.

I don't know,
I think it's kinda ordinary.

No!

I love ordinary.

- You do? Okay.
- Yes!

Well, I am a very ordinary guy.

I'm a seven across the board.

It's perfect.

Oh, so,

what do you do?

That's a thing
an ordinary guy would ask.

I'm a yoga ambassador.

Namaste.

But my real job is I'm a swimsuit model.

That makes sense.

But really I'm a role model.

Because I truly believe in giving back
to the underprivileged.

I'm underprivileged.

You're so cute!

- Hey! Hey!
- You're so funny! (LAUGHS)

Oh, sorry.
Hey, this is my best friend, Natalie.

Natalie, this is...

Isabella Stone.

- Hi! You are?
- You're from the billboard.

- You are from the billboard. Yeah.
- Yeah.

So, who are you?

Natalie.

Good to meet you.
Um... (STAMMERING)

I can't believe I'm gonna do this,

(SIGHS) but would a man like you ever
have a drink with a girl like me?

Oh, let me think about it.

Yes. I will meet you back at the office.

- Really?
- JOSH: Yeah.

- Okay, great.
- Wait, wait, wait.

- Let me get my bag.
- 'Cause technically, you almost died.

- Yeah, I did and you saved me.
- NATALIE: Josh, Josh.

We have to make the plan.

I just wanna make sure she's okay.

NATALIE: She's fine.

She's laughing. She's fine.

Yeah, and also you don't know her.

Why not be open to something new, right?

See ya.

(MUMBLES IN CONFUSION)

(GRUNTS)

Hey.

Oh, I'm sorry. You must think I'm...

Adorable.

(YELPS)

(PANTING)

Okay, get a grip.

Let's just think about this. Okay.

I have an amazing apartment
and a super-cute dog,

a gay sidekick...

I have a great job,

but the only woman that works with me
has now become my mortal enemy.

(GRUNTS)

I keep falling down all the time!

And I'm talking to myself out loud!

I think I'm trapped in a...

(TRUCK BACKING ALARM BEEPING)

My life has become a...

(TRUCK BACKING ALARM BEEPING)

Come on!

What did I do to deserve this?

My life's become a...

(TRUCK BACKING ALARM BEEPING)

romantic comedy!

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

- And it's...
- (TRUCK ALARM BEEPS)

...PG-13!

Excuse me.

I need your help.

I need the surveillance footage
from last night so I can find my mugger

so that, um, he can fight me
a little bit, knock me unconscious,

and then I can leave
this unbearable romantic world.

I don't know what you talking about.
You sound crazy as hell.

Please, I just need access
to the surveillance footage.

Well, you ain't getting
the surveillance footage.

- Why not?
- Get away from me! You crazy as hell!

Whoa!

(LAUGHING)

Hey!

- Hi.
- Um...

Hey, um, could you please mug me?

Just go for it and drag me around
for a while,

and then I'll knock myself unconscious.

Mother warned me.

No. What? No!

Excuse me.

Ugh! It's easy!

You. You look like
you're prone to violence.

Come on. Mug me!

- What? No!
- Yeah, like that.

I'll go, like, "Shitbag!"
And then I'll knock myself cold!

What? What's wrong with everybody?

Look at you guys. This isn't real!

I hate this place. I hate this place.

- It's too... delightful!
- (FEEDBACK WHINES ON PA)

MAN ON PA: This train is not stopping
at this station.

NATALIE: Okay, fine.

If nobody wants to hit me...

(TRAIN APPROACHING)

Then maybe this will knock me
back to my dull, ordinary life.

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

NATALIE: Oh.

Officer Hansom,
I don't want to be saved.

I'm not saving you.

I'm arresting you.

What for?

OFFICER HANSOM:
Jumping the turnstile.

Let's go.

(GROANING)

My hands are right on your junk.

OFFICER HANSOM: This way.

There's your phone, princess.

Give me my cell phone,
so I can type the number in.

- No, you gotta use this phone.
- You're kidding me, right?

I don't know anybody's numbers
off by heart.

- Pretend it's 1995.
- Great.

I can call my dead nana
or the house I lived in when I was 12.

One call. Time's ticking.

All right. I'm thinking. I'm thinking.

BLAKE: If you need anything,
anything at all,

here is my number. All right?

Oh.

This probably won't work

unless you believe in the power of love
or some bullshit.

But it's worth a try. Here goes.

(KISSES)

Huh.

(LINE RINGING)

(ON PHONE) Hello, Blake speaking.

So dumb!

Yeah, thanks for coming to get me.

Are you kidding?
I was so excited to hear from you.

Even though it was to bail you
out of jail. Pretty cool.

Normally, I'd be so excited to hear
that someone like you

is so excited to hear
from someone like me, but...

Tell me what's going on.
I'm a good listener.

Got very big ear holes.

I can't. You'd have me committed.

Come on.
You can tell me anything you want.

Anything at all.

Except that you think
koalas are the cutest things ever.

They have chlamydia
and are actually quite hostile.

So, stay away from them, all right?

Anyway. Let's hear it.

Okay. I hit my head really hard

and I woke up
in this alternate universe.

Okay.

And things are supposed to be better,

but it's actually worse because people
are treating me like I'm special.

Yeah.

And I'm not special.

Oh.

(INHALES DEEPLY)

Still waters run deepest, don't they?

What?

God, there's so much more
I wanna know about you.

No, no, no.
See, you're not understanding.

This isn't a real world. This is like
The Matrix for lonely women.

(CELL PHONE VIBRATING)

Hold that thought.
It's my father calling from Singapore.

You know how it is.

(SIGHS)

I have to get out of here.

How do I get to the end?

(GROANS IN FRUSTRATION)

NATALIE: I was beginning to wonder

if there was another way
out of this world.

If I was in a romantic comedy,

then maybe I needed someone
to fall in love with me.

(BLAKE LAUGHS)

Ugh...

Fine.

If I have to do this,

I guess it could be worse
than a super hot billionaire.

BLAKE: Natalie, I am so sorry,

but, uh, I have to run back to
the office and put out some fires.

- Oh.
- (MIMICS WATER GUSHING)

- (GIGGLES)
- But, um, why don't you do me a favor

and, uh, have dinner
with me later, okay?

- Sure.
- I'll send a car for you.

Great. That will be wonderful.

All right. Um...

I'll see you later.

- That was easy enough.
- (CAR ENGINE STARTS)

Oh. Oh, wait, hang on. What time?

And what should I wear? I need to...

What's the name of the restaurant?

I like to look it up before,

so I can decide
what I want from the menu!

And do they even have dessert selection?
Wait.

(EXHALES) Okay, what am I gonna wear?

Can't dog it up like I do on the usual.

Oh, I know who'll know.

- (CELL PHONE BEEPS)
- Donny?

Yes?

Jesus!

No, but I'd love to turn water
into a pinot grig.

(CHUCKLES) So, what's the update?

I have to go on a date
with that big, fancy Blake guy

and, um, make him fall in love with me.

(HIGH-PITCHED) What?

Are you serious? Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

(NORMAL TONE) Okay. Okay.

(SHRIEKS) Oh, my God!

Oh, my God! I'm so happy for you.

Oh, my God. Oh. This is it.

Oh, my God. This is it.
This is the moment.

This is the moment
I've been training for my entire life.

Okay.

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

Where's that music coming...

Oh, no. (STAMMERS)

(LOUDLY) I think we're being dragged
into some dumb makeover montage.

You wanna do a makeover montage?

No, no! I hate trying on clothes.

Oh, my God! Yes!
We should definitely try on clothes.

I'm not trying on different things
and coming out and going...

"What do you think?"

No! No! No!

(EXHALES)

(CHUCKLES)

Wow.

Natalie, you look beautiful.

No, I just threw this together.

It only took, like, five hours.

To the forces of destiny
that brought us together tonight.

Well, you invited me
and sent the car, so...

(CHUCKLES)

That's very sweet, though.

Shall we?

(ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING)

This is so fancy.

What are these tablecloths made of?
They're so soft.

What's it smell like?

(SNIFFS)

Like fetal alpaca.

Mmm-hmm. That's exactly what it is.

- (LAUGHS)
- (SPEAKING ITALIAN)

- Natalie, this is Giovanni.
- (SPEAKS ITALIAN)

He's the chef at Sfoglia,

but he was kind enough
to cook us dinner tonight.

Well, thank you.

This is honestly the best meal I've had
in my whole entire life.

Oh, bellissima, you are so welcome.
(CHUCKLES)

More gnocchi?

Uh, yes-cchi.

(ALL LAUGHING)

I'm a boss at food puns.

GIOVANNI: Signorina, dessert?

(BOTH SPEAKING ITALIAN)

Oh, uh... Wait. (STAMMERING)

I think we're about to have
our first fight.

I'm just trying to extend this date
for as long as possible.

It just so happens I know of
a great old ice cream shop in Red Hook.

If you wanna dock
and maybe take a stroll.

That's funny. My Fitbit sometimes
vibrates and says, "Want a stroll?"

But when you say it,
I don't wanna smash you.

Ah, good.

Oh, my God. Natalie. I am so sorry.

I was sure they'd be open this late.

We can just look through the window...

and, um, if we look hard enough,
I think we can see the flavors

and then just imagine eating it.

(DOOR RATTLING)

What are you doing?

BLAKE: (WHISPERS) It's okay, let's go.

I'll leave 100 in the tip jar.

Here we go. Come in. Quickly.

NATALIE: Okay, what's your favorite
ice cream flavor of all time?

Hmm.

The big one?

- I'll tell you...
- Mmm.

...but you have to promise
you won't make fun of me.

Okay.

Butter pecan.

What?

Who likes butter pecan?
What's wrong with you?

- That's what I thought would happen.
- You're like an 80-year-old grandpa.

- (LAUGHS) Right.
- Okay.

What's your second favorite
ice cream flavor?

Rum raisin.

- No, that's even worse!
- Yeah, I know.

It's been a lifelong source
of insecurity for me.

In grade school,
I was teased about it so mercilessly

that I went a solid decade

where I only ate ice cream
in the privacy of my own home.

(CHUCKLES) I can just imagine you
sitting at home like...

- Yep.
- "Mmm, butter pecan."

Underneath the bed.

You know, the Buddhists say
that if you meet someone...

and your heart pounds,
and your hands shake,

and your knees go weak,

that that's not the one.

When you meet your soul mate,
you'll feel completely calm.

(BREATHING DEEPLY)

I feel very calm right now.

How about you?

(SIRENS WAILING)

I feel like we're about to get arrested.

Yep, we should probably go. (GRUNTS)

(BOTH LAUGH)

BLAKE: I had an amazing time tonight.

So did I. (CHUCKLES)

I'm just, like, I've never had a night
like this before.

Oh!

- Oh.
- (THUNDER RUMBLES)

Rain. (LAUGHING) Really?
That's so cliché.

Normally, I'd call bullshit on this.

(SWEEPING MUSIC PLAYING)

(BLAKE MOANING)

I know this might sound crazy,
'cause we've only just met,

- but I love you.
- Oh!

No, no, no. Don't. Don't say anything.

I can't go back to real life without...

- What do you mean? Without what?
- Without, you know...

Oh!

Oh, God.

(ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING)

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

(MUSIC STOPS)

Good morning, beautiful.

Last night was amazing.

I was just thinking in the shower,

when I look at the world
through your eyes,

it's like I'm seeing it
for the first time.

- Natalie, I love...
- Wait, wait, wait.

Hold that thought.
Don't say another word.

Just get back into bed.

I don't think we actually did anything.
It just cut to the next morning.

- What?
- Just get back here.

Okay.

(ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING)

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

(MUSIC STOPS)

Good morning, beautiful.

Last night was amazing.

I was just thinking in the shower,

when I look at the world
through your eyes,

it's like I'm seeing it
for the first time.

Natalie, I love...

- (ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING)
- (BIRDS CHIRPING)

(MUSIC STOPS)

- (DOOR OPENS)
- (GROANS)

Good morning, beautiful.

Last night was amazing.

- I was just thinking in the shower...
- "In the shower." Yeah.

...when I look at the world
through your eyes,

it's like I'm seeing it
for the first time.

If I can't have sex, I'm at least
taking this nice purse with me.

This little koala thing,
it looks expensive.

Okay. All right, give it to me.

Natalie, I love you.

What?

Uh, can you just say that one more time?

What?

You know how us girls are.

We love hearing it. Just say it.
Say it again.

Natalie...

I love you.

(ALARM BEEPING LOUDLY)

(ALARM STOPS)

MAN: Thank you so much.
I've been looking for one of those.

Well, check you out.

Oh. Whitney. Oh, check you out!

Ballsy move not showing up to work
the entire week

before the big presentation.

This seems incredibly unnecessary, okay?

Just 'cause we're two female colleagues,

we don't automatically
have to be enemies.

We marched together, remember?
We had that great sign,

"Girls Just Wanna Have
Fun-damental Human Rights"?

Whitney.

Whitney, what are you doing?
We're friends!

Whitney, come on, we shared a T-shirt!

And I stretched it out and you said,
"You can have that one now."

I was like, "Score!"

Natalie, we're so glad you're here!

NATALIE: Oh.

BOSS: So, we have three days
before the presentation.

Give us your big idea for the hotel.

(STAMMERS)
But I don't design the whole hotels.

I normally, um,
just do the parking garages.

(LAUGHING) You're our star architect.
Come on! Give us your vision.

I don't really have a, um...

She's got nothing.

Um...

It's a surprise.

- Yeah.
- And you're saving the best

for the actual presentation,
and I applaud that.

Whoo! Natalie!
Coming through with the...

(MOUTHING) Thank you.

(BIRD CHIRPING)

(DOORBELL RINGS)

It's open!

Since when do you use
the doorbell, Donny?

JOSH: Hey! So, figured you're probably
working so hard,

you forgot to eat.

I got us a little Mr. Wong's.

Oh, my God. I'm starving. I love you!

So, show me what you've been working on.

Um... Okay. Do you remember
that parking garage idea?

- Oh.
- Uh-huh.

Um...

I just kinda ran with it.

Nat, this is so like you.

To waste so much time on a dumb idea.

No.

No. To come up with, like, the best,
most original idea just like that.

Clearly you don't need my help.
So, I'll just be leaving.

Uh, no. Don't go.

I could really use your help on this.

And use your company.

Thank God, because I really want
those soup dumplings.

No way! They're mine!

- You just said you brought them for me!
- Right, okay.

- No, no. They're mine! I'm getting them!
- (LAUGHING) Oh, no. No!

You see, friends, they don't
fight over soup dumplings.

They share them, okay?

- Here.
- Okay.

Oh!

Mmm, they smell so good!

Mmm, so does this.

Uh... (CHUCKLES)

I should go get cleaned up.

I was just in the subway.

I might have Zika virus or something.

Is that still a thing?

NATALIE: I was beginning to wonder
if I've gotten it all wrong.

Maybe it wasn't Blake
who needed to fall in love with me.

And do I look cute in these side braids?

Did you say something?

(MUFFLED) What's up with that supermodel
you're apparently dating?

(LAUGHING) I can't...

(MUFFLED) Aren't you supposed to be
hanging out with her?

(MUFFLED) I can't hear you,
'cause your mouth is full.

Look at these! They're incredible.

Mmm!

(MOANING)

Oh, my God! Okay.

- You sound like you're having a...
- (CONTINUES MOANING)

Don't do that face! Stop it!
You're such an idiot!

- Stop it.
- (LAUGHS, CONTINUES MOANING)

Oh, my God!

I'll have what he's having.
(LAUGHS)

Yummo!

Blake? What is...

Is he helping you with the project, too?

That does seem cool, since
he's the one that makes the decision.

Are you guys together? I didn't know.

I was gonna say something earlier.
We just...

Um...

I've just been, um, seeing Blake
a little bit.

You didn't tell me?

Come on. Don't undersell it, babe.

I love this beguiling woman.

I love you!

- (IMITATES GROWLING)
- Uh, no.

(BLAKE CHUCKLES)

Dumplings!

Well, you know,

I don't wanna be the third wheel here,
so I'mma get going.

Enjoy the food.

Oh.

He seems sweet.

- (DOOR CLOSES)
- Someone should tell him not to wear

a brown belt with black shoes, though.

It's tacky.

BLAKE: Natalie, have you ever heard
of a man called Gandhi?

Um, yes.

He once said that true happiness is when

what you think, what you say,
and what you do are in perfect harmony.

Isn't that great?

Yeah, it's so cool you know
all these sayings by heart, Blake.

Yeah, it's a gift.

- (INDISTINCT CHATTER)
- (JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)

Josh?

And choking supermodel?

- Choking yoga ambassador, actually.
- (BOTH LAUGH)

That's not a real thing.

So, here, let me introduce you.
Isabella...

- Hi! Blake, how are you?
- Izzy.

I was gonna introduce you,
but you know each other. Okay.

ISABELLA: Yeah.

You didn't tell me
the guy you were seeing

was Nat's assistant.

Stop. He's an architect.

Oh. Project manager.

Architect.

He seems soft.

- He is!
- (CLEARS THROAT)

Oh, my God. How did you know?
I call him Mush.

Mush, you have to do that thing
that I love when you do.

- Come on! Do it, do it!
- Maybe not right now.

- Do it, do it!
- Okay.

- (GRUNTING)
- Oh, look at that.

There's so much of it!

- I'm a little mush ball.
- (LAUGHING)

ISABELLA: Cute!

She loves my neck fat.
I just love cake, so...

So, wait, how do you two
know each other?

Blake and I?

Let me guess. You guys met
at some fabulous yacht party?

(LAUGHS)

Actually, it was a really
disappointing yacht party.

You remember that?

BLAKE: It was the worst
yacht party ever!

ISABELLA: It was terrible!

But speaking of great parties,

you guys have to come to the Hamptons
this weekend.

We're having a few of my friends over
at my charming little beach house.

That sounds lovely. I was gonna
take my helicopter out anyway, so...

So funny. I was gonna offer you guys
a ride on my helicopter.

That's so sweet, darling,
but better we take our own.

Nat and I might wanna hit
the, uh, old Cape-roo,

if you know what I mean.

- Oh, I know what you mean.
- (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

- Okay. I see you.
- I don't. What does that mean?

(ISABELLA LAUGHING)

You two have such amazing chemistry.

Maybe we should swap?

(CHUCKLES)

- She's joking. Yeah, she's joking.
- What?

What do you think? Hamptons?

You had me at hello-copter.

(NATALIE SIGHS)

This lobster is the size of a cat.
(LAUGHS)

Yet it's... tender as a marshmallow.

(CHUCKLES) "Tender as a marshmallow."

(SIGHS) You are beguiling.

Did you just learn that word?
'Cause you tend to say it a lot.

If you want me to stop saying it,
I will,

but you're gonna have to
stop being so damn beguiling.

(LAUGHING)

- (CELL PHONE VIBRATING)
- Oh.

Sorry, it's my father.

Hello?

JOSH: So good to see you guys!
Thanks for coming! Thank you, thank you.

Okay. Oh.
You're squeezing some, too. Yeah.

Okay. We're getting it.

- (GRUNTING)
- WAITRESS: Woah!

(EXHALES)

- Hey.
- Hey.

So, you and Blake
are kind of a thing, huh?

You and Isabella?

- (CHUCKLES) I know.
- Huh?

Who would've thought that me and you

would both end up
with just perfect humans?

- Yeah.
- Crazy. Yeah.

(LAUGHING) Yeah, really, really crazy.

(SIGHS)

You know what's funny?

The fact that all those rich ladies
have crabs?

JOSH: Yes, that is funny.

But at one point,

I thought it would actually be
me and you that would end up together.

You did?

Yeah, in the beginning.

Well, why didn't you ask me out then?

Why don't you just ask me out right now?

I did. All the time.
You'd always say no.

You'd shoot me down and then
we became such good friends, so...

What are you talking about?

I never shot you down.

I asked you out, like, a million times.

For, like, drinks at happy hour
after work

or to go to the karaoke bar
with your kickball team.

I didn't wanna sit there

and listen to you chat
about some girl you had a crush on.

Okay, why do you say "kickball team"
like it's a bad thing? Hmm?

The New York Kickerbockers
are elite-level athletes.

- (LAUGHS)
- That's true. I'm a jock out there.

I'm a jock.

- You are such an idiot.
- ISABELLA: Mush?

Mush.

Hey. Be right there.

Are you comfortable with that nickname?

Seems kind of like a negative.

You don't like it?

I think it's kind of cute. Hurts to do.
But it's kind of cute. All right.

- (JOSH CLEARS THROAT)
- It's time! Okay.

Attention, everyone!

JOSH: Eyes up here.

ISABELLA: Hi, everyone,
and thank you so much

for coming to this modest little thing
we threw together last minute.

I think we all know the story
of how Isabella and I met.

But I will tell it again.

I was walking...

Yeah, with me. His best friend.
I'm his best friend, so...

Yep, I was just walking,

and I saw this
beautiful woman choking, so...

- (IMITATES CHOKING)
- Yeah. (CHUCKLES) So, I ran up to her

and gave her the Heimlich.

And then she gave me her heart.

ALL: Aw.

That's gross.

Isabella, you are
totally and utterly yourself.

And you are so confident.

And you're never afraid
to go after what you want.

And even though I am "so not worthy"...

(ALL LAUGHING)

From Wayne's World.

(LAUGHS)

It's crazy that what you want is me.

I do.

ALL: Aw.

Which is why this is not just a party.

- (IMITATES TRUMPETS)
- Surprise, it's our wedding!

(ALL CLAPPING)

We're getting married!

What the...

So we're getting married
tomorrow morning

and tonight we're going into town
for some karaoke!

JOSH: Party! Karaoke tonight!

(GIRLS SQUEALING)

(GUESTS CONTINUE CLAPPING)

God! What is the theme of this wedding?
Easter at Elton John's house?

- (CHUCKLES)
- Donny. How the hell did you get here?

- Um...
- Wait.

(NATALIE GRUNTS SOFTLY)

I stole your password
and then I used Find My iPhone.

And then I took a bus here
like an animal.

Oh, my goodness! I sat next to a woman
eating spaghetti out of a Ziploc bag.

Uh, no.

- And then...
- Okay. I don't need the play-by-gay.

It's Josh. It was never Blake.

Okay, I have to get together with Josh.

Oh, my God!

Yeah, and the weirdest thing
just happened.

He just said to me that he thought
we'd always end up together.

But now he's getting married.

What? So, the best friend
you've had a ton of chemistry with

is the guy for you?

Oh, my God,
who could've seen that coming,

except every single person ever
of all time.

- Oh, well, sorry!
- Okay.

I got distracted by Blake's wealth

and his face, and his giant penis.

(CHOKING) Okay, caller, please hold.

I thought you said you two
couldn't have sex.

Um, no, we can't, but of course
I had to sneak a peek.

- That's my bootch.
- Once or twice, yeah.

"Sorry, I'm just going to the toilet."

- Oh, my God! Yes.
- Mental picture. Mental picture.

That is a sexy move.

Okay, the point is it's Josh. Okay?

Yeah.

And it was always Josh.
(SMACKS LIPS)

'Cause he's such a nerd
and he's so sweet,

and he just gets me,

and that one time that I thought
he was moving away forever,

I cried all night,
and I never ever told him.

On a scale of
baguette to surface-to-air-missile,

how giant are we talking?

- Seriously?
- Mmm-hmm.

It's gonna help determine
the advice that I give you.

I don't know.
It's like the size of a pepper grinder.

The kind that you have at home

or the kind
that a waiter has to bring over?

The kind that
the waiter has to bring over.

(GASPS) My God!
I've swallowed my tongue.

You don't tell somebody

- you thought you'd end up together...
- Mmm-hmm.

...the night before your wedding
unless you're having second thoughts.

- Do you?
- Mmm-mmm. No.

So, I can't let him marry
that beautiful creature.

No.

I have to stop their wedding.

You are so totally right.
You should totally stop this wedding.

- I'm stopping this wedding.
- Oh, my God, do it. Do it, bootch.

(SINGING) Lift your open hand
Strike up the band

And make the fireflies dance
Silver moon's sparkling

Ooh, very high, very high.

MAN: Yeah!

For my fiancé.

- Tequila shot time!
- Woah!

Just kiss me

Who are those for?

- Me and you.
- ISABELLA: That's all. Thank you. Josh.

- And me and you.
- (LAUGHING)

I was afraid of that.

Let's just get wasted
and make some bad decisions tonight.

- ISABELLA: Josh?
- Instead of tomorrow.

Josh.

- Hey!
- ISABELLA: Song's up!

Natalie. Hi! Um...

You're next. Come on up.

(CLEARS THROAT) I'm good.

Honey, you don't understand.
She hates karaoke.

Despises it more than, like,
anything in the world.

I guess besides presenting your work
at big meetings.

My cool-guy face.

I feel like you hate everything,
don't you?

No, no, no.

It's okay, Natalie. I understand.

Some people are just not meant
for the spotlight.

It's okay.

Uh, no, I can give it a go.

- Really? 'Cause I've never seen you...
- Oh, my God!

...sing before.

- Do it, do it, do it!
- I've sung before. I've done it a lot.

You don't need to drink.
You just... Okay.

I'm gonna give it a shot.

Whoa. You're giving it a shot.
Aren't you?

Okay! Go for it, Natalie!

- This should be interesting.
- She never does this.

(ONE PERSON IN AUDIENCE CLAPPING)

(FEEDBACK)

- (MUSIC STARTS)
- (FEEDBACK)

No. Oh, no. Sorry. Sorry, guys.

(SINGING) Clock strikes upon the hour
And the sun begins to fade

(MUSIC TRACK STOPS)

Still enough time to figure out
How to chase my blues away

WOMAN: Is that even karaoke?

I've done all right up to now

It's the light of day that shows me how

But when the night falls
My loneliness calls

(SINGING THREE-PART HARMONY)
Oh, I wanna dance with somebody

I wanna feel the heat with somebody

Yeah, I wanna dance with somebody

With somebody who loves me

- (SOUND SYSTEM TURNS ON)
- (MUSIC TRACK RESUMES)

Yeah!

Whoo!

(VOCALIZING)

Uh.

I've been in love and lost my senses

Spinning through the town

Sooner or later, the fever ends

And I wind up feeling down

I need a man who'll take a chance

On a love that burns hot enough to last

So when the night falls

Whoa!

(MUFFLED SINGING) My lonely heart calls

I wanna dance with somebody

I wanna feel the heat with somebody

Yeah, I wanna dance with somebody

With somebody who loves me

Somebody who
Somebody who

Yeah
Somebody who loves me, yeah

Somebody who
Somebody who

To hold me in his arms, oh

I need a man who'll take a chance

On a love that burns hot enough to last

So when the night falls

My lonely heart calls

Oh, I wanna dance with somebody

- I wanna feel the heat
- I wanna feel the heat with somebody

Yeah, I wanna dance with somebody

With somebody who loves me

Oh, I wanna dance with somebody

- I wanna feel the heat
- I wanna feel the heat with somebody

Yeah, I wanna dance with somebody

Come on

With somebody who loves me

Don't you wanna dance?
Say you wanna dance

Don't you wanna dance?

- Yeah
- Don't you wanna dance?

Say you wanna dance
Don't you wanna dance?

- Yeah
- Don't you wanna dance?

Say you wanna dance
Don't you wanna dance?

(HIGH-PITCHED)
With somebody who loves me

- (MUSIC STOPS)
- (ALL CHEERING)

Whoo!

Oh, my God! Yes!

(ALL CONTINUE CLAPPING)

NATALIE: How did everyone know
the choreography?

JOSH: That was weird.

It doesn't make any sense.

Honestly, you know what makes no sense?
Marrying someone you just met.

I knew you were gonna
be weird about this.

Because it's weird!

We met
under really intense circumstances.

You know? It speeds things up.

That's dopamine.
That's your brain on drugs.

It is!

What are you gonna do
when the drugs wear off?

I don't know. We'll figure it out.

Don't you wanna figure it out
with someone you really know?

I guess that's why they say
you should marry your best friend.

(JOSH SIGHS)

Maybe in a different world.

I should get going.

Big day tomorrow.

NATALIE: Yeah.

Yeah, big day.

BLAKE: Oh, that's so great, Dad.
I'm so glad you love it.

You're right. It is innovative.

And I came up with it all by myself.

I'll fill in the architects and they can
work up the official plans and models.

Okay? Goodbye.

(SIGHS)

Oh, good morning, beautiful!

Are those my plans?

(SIGHS DEEPLY) God! You look beautiful
in the morning light.

Were you just pitching my idea
and passing it off as your own?

No.

Well, I saw them
when I was in your apartment,

and the idea was for me,
so whose idea is it really? (CHUCKLES)

- Mine!
- Whoa! Hey. (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

I don't know where all this
crazy assertiveness is coming from.

Let's be honest.

You weren't gonna be able to pitch it
to me now anyways.

- Yeah, I was. Why wouldn't I?
- No, you weren't.

Darling, now that you're with me,
you're not gonna be working anymore.

My girl slumming it in the realm
of the employed? Not on my watch.

Mmm, I like being an architect.

Come on. Don't be silly.

We should also, at some point,
talk about changing your name.

You're really projecting.

You think, what?
We're gonna get married?

(CHUCKLING) Yes.

And obviously, we'll be changing
your last name, but no...

I'm talking about
your first name. Natalie.

I really don't think it's gonna work
in my circles.

So I was thinking Georgina.

What do you think, Georgina?
(CHUCKLES)

- You are...
- Beguiling?

Horrible.

You're a horrible person.

Okay, I think
you're just tired, darling.

Why don't you go back to bed?

Why don't you piss off?

(SIGHS DEEPLY)

"It is so sad

to watch someone you love
go mad with ambition."

Do you know who said that?

No.

And now you never will.

- (DOOR OPENS)
- I could google it!

(DOOR SLAMS)

Um, where are you going?

- Home, bootch!
- Home?

The wedding starts in, like, 20 minutes.

Yeah, I don't give a shit.

What?

I tried to just be open.

I tried to get Josh
to fall in love with me.

But that's not on the cards.

Not for a girl like me.

Mmm-mmm.
Not even in this dumb perfect world.

(SIGHS)

You know, when I was younger,

I was so afraid
to put myself out there for love

that I became this quirky little queen

that just followed
all my handsome gay guy friends around.

Like I was a pilot fish. (SCOFFS)

And I would make them laugh,

and I would find the best parties
to go to.

And I would always comfort them
when their hearts were broken.

But you know what nobody ever knew?

That my heart was constantly broken.

Constantly.

I mean, and how could they?

I never let them see it.

And it wasn't until
I met this palm reader in Ibiza,

and she said to me, she said,

"You can search the entire universe

and never find a being
more worthy of love

than yourself."

So that's why I'm such
the happy little whore that I am today.

(CHUCKLES)
'Cause I love my bitchy little ass.

(SIGHS)

Who do you love, Natalie?

Josh.

I've never had the chance
to tell him that.

I need to tell him that.

Right now. Um...

(GASPS) I'm never gonna make it.

But I have to try.

Oh, my God! Of course! Why am I so dumb?

It was always gonna come down
to running to stop the wedding!

Well, then you run, girl.

You run like a sexy 18-year-old
in a coming-out novel

who just realized that they're in love
with their theater partner Ryan.

Get it!

(PANTING)

(DISTORTED VOICE) Slow motion!

So dumb!

- Stop!
- (ALL GASP)

- Natalie?
- Josh.

(PANTING)
Wait, I just need one second. Sorry.

I basically just ran a half-marathon...

with no sports bra.

Natalie, what are you doing?

I'm here to stop the wedding.

(ALL GASPING)

Don't worry, everyone. It's, um...

She's clearly out of breath
and her mind.

Are you feeling okay, honey?

'Cause you know he's mine, right?

We have a soul connection.

ALL: Aw.

Uh, no. She doesn't even know Josh.

What? Of course I know Josh.

(CHUCKLING) Really?

What's his favorite vegetable then?

Well, that's random.
No one has a favorite vegetable.

See? She doesn't even know Josh.
It's tableside guac.

- That's not even a real vegetable!
- It is to him.

Technically it is.
It's avocados smashed.

- Stop it.
- Sorry.

Josh, I know I don't have legs for days,

and I'm not some yoga whatever-the...

Yoga ambassador. A yoga ambassador.

Ambassadors are for countries,
not for stretching.

Josh, look... (PANTING)

I know you think Isabella is
the girl of your dreams.

But what if you're wrong?

Nat. (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

Okay, yeah, I'll never look like her.

But I'm smart and kind and funny

and I'm passionate about work.

And I'm really weirdly good at karaoke.
(CHUCKLES)

Josh...

you should choose me.
You should love me.

Because I love...

I love...

I love me.

Holy crap!

I love me!

(SIGHS)

Oh, my God! This whole time,

I thought I had to get somebody else
to fall in love with me,

but I had to love me.

(SIGHS)

WOMAN: I'm so confused.

Okay, I'm just gonna go.

Just to be clear,
you're not still stopping the wedding?

No, just carry on.

You guys, um, yeah, do your thing.
I'm gonna do me. (CHUCKLES)

Good luck with everything.

I don't have high hopes
for what's going on there.

Josh and Izz,
what's their couple name gonna be?

- Jizz?
- (ALL EXCLAIM)

Love...

it's crazy, right?

Well, I guess I don't really
have a choice, do I?

Whoo!

NATALIE: As I drove away, I began
to realize that loving yourself is...

There's something there!

DOCTOR: Okay.

Looks like someone got
a pretty bad bonk on the head.

Bonk? No, no, no.

You're too hot to be a doctor.
How can I still be stuck here?

Get out of here. Wrong room.

Sorry, they're shooting
a Law & Order: SVU here today,

and he's just doing some research.

God, I should've been a TV doctor.

This totally blows
and I'm buried in lawsuits.

You got mugged in the subway.

- I did?
- Yeah.

You were in a medically induced coma
for about 18 hours.

(STAMMERS) Am I okay? Can I leave now?

If I say yes and I'm wrong,
will you sue me?

No.

Well, then my answer's yes.

Hey, can you just... Um...

What are you doing with that?

Fuck!

Did you hear that?

Yeah.

(YELLS) Yes!

New York is a shithole again!

Taxi!

My apartment's shitty again!

Yes!

Oh! Baxter. I'm back,
and you're back to normal.

Okay. Baxter... (IMITATES GUNSHOT)

Baxter, play dead.

Close enough.

Donny!

You're still here!

- (MOANS SOFTLY)
- Oh.

Come on. Frittatas are up.

Oh, no. You're still gay.
You must be trapped.

Wait, what? What do you mean, "trapped"?

I've been gay for forever.

What? What about all those girls
that come to the apartment?

I sell weed.

And we live, like, a block
from an all-girls school.

- Did you not know that?
- No.

Oh, right. Because gay guys
can't be drug dealers.

- That's offensive.
- Yeah.

You like your gay guys
to talk like this? Is that what it is?

You want them to talk like this?

Mmm-hmm. Yeah. Do you wanna, like,
go out to Fire Island?

- Yeah, are you a Virgo like me?
- Mmm-hmm.

Okay, we're real. This is how we are.

(SIGHS)

Thank you.

Do you want weed?

(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)

Hey, Nat! I'm running late to a meeting.
Can you clean this up for me?

Um, I actually have things to do
and places to be.

So why don't you clean that shit up?

Oh, yes!

DONNA: Natalie, you won't believe it.

The 3D printer is down again.
Can you call...

You? Call you?
Is that what you were gonna ask me?

'Cause you're the person to call
when something breaks in the office.

- No, actually I was gonna say if you...
- Sorry, one second. I'm just on a call.

Donna, hi. It's Natalie.
Yeah, can you do your goddamn job?

Whitney.

WHITNEY: Oh, my God!

- Hi, hi!
- Hi.

Oh, my God, I know it was only one day,

but I missed you, like, a lot,
an unhealthy amount.

What happened? Are you okay?

I am actually the best I've ever been.

But please, okay, you need to promise me
that we will never ever fight again.

What? We would never fight.

Mostly because
you let me watch movies all day.

About that, I was thinking
that we cut back on the movies.

- You're right. Totally right.
- Yeah.

I could stop. Whenever I want.

They aren't important to me.
Um, how about one a day?

How about none a week?

Okay. Tough, but fair.

- Yeah, like my leg hair. TMI.
- (LAUGHING)

Okay. I gotta get in there.

Okay, bye! Whoa!

Let's go. (SIGHS)

Perfect. Let's get some coffee.

Actually, I don't do that.

What do you do?

Take a seat, doll, you'll find out.

I think you'll find it very...

beguiling.

Natalie.

I'm presenting my idea for his hotel.

We're not doing that yet.

Well, I am. I'm ready.

Ow! Ow.

Okay. (CHUCKLES)

Mr. Lewis,
I've been thinking a lot lately

about what we value, what we deem worthy

of investing our time and love

and, of course, our money into.

So, as we design
your exciting new hotel,

I would like to first focus on
the parking garage.

The parking garage?

NATALIE: Yep.

Think about it. They're dark.

They're closed off.

(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

Nobody ever really notices them.

But what if we open them up?

What if we actually
made something of them?

Made them bright and airy,

and there were glass walls everywhere?

Then suddenly,
something that was invisible,

something nobody ever cared about
or looked twice at,

suddenly they're not invisible anymore.

People will actually look at them
and see beauty.

They'd see something, at least.

I think that could be, like,
really special.

It's actually not a bad idea.

Thank you.

It's actually a great idea
that I thought of. (CHUCKLES)

And I'm just gonna get started on it.

All right, let's do it!

Okay, I'll see you guys later.
Peace out!

What does "beguiling" mean?

And you, you need to stop living
in a fantasy land!

Hello? Hello? Hello, Josh?

- Oh. Hey. What's up, Nat?
- Yeah. Okay.

You need to stop staring out that window

at some stupid girl
in some stupid little swimsuit. Okay?

That's not all it's cracked up to be.

You need to start
living in the real world

and stop thinking that
you're gonna get with some model,

and that that's gonna make you happy.

You done?

Okay, here. Take a seat. Come on.

Sit down. Come on.

- You're not pushing me again?
- No, no, no.

- Hang on. Okay.
- (SIGHS)

Stay right there. Don't move.

Just...

(SIGHS)

So, what do you see
when you look at the billboard?

(MOUTHING) Me.

I was looking at you.

I'm always looking at you.

(SNIFFLES) Josh, you're such an idiot.

Okay.

(BOTH CHUCKLING)

Maybe we should go out sometime then?

- Yeah. Yeah, that'd be great.
- Yeah. If you want to?

Okay. Yeah, good. Great, great.

- Yeah! Let's...
- Yeah!

Why are we talking
like we're angry with each other?

I don't know. I was just on a roll
this morning, and now I'm...

Now, I'm really happy. (CHUCKLES)

So, uh, this weekend?

Karaoke or something?

Yep. That'd be...

Yeah. I mean,
I might outshine you, but... (CHUCKLES)

- Okay, all right.
- Cool.

Yeah, it should...

This is gonna take a long time,
isn't it?

Yeah, that one takes a while
sometimes, so...

- (ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)
- Okay. There it is.

(MOUTHS) Perfect!

(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)

Oh, my God! (PANTING)

Whit, did you just run down the stairs?

I'm trying to be calm,
but where are you going?

I'm just getting a coffee.
'Cause I'm now my own coffee bitch.

I just wanted to say...

I'm so proud of you.
Upstairs was amazing.

Just to be clear,
Josh does not complete me.

I complete myself.

You know, God...

Even though you were so cynical,
it looks like you have

the dream job,
the guy that really likes you,

the really cool best friend, me.

It's like you are in
one of those love stories

that you hate so much.

Yeah, all I need now
is some catchy musical number.

(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)

(SINGING) Come on, girls

Do you believe in love?

'Cause I got something to say about it
And it goes something like this

Don't go for second best, baby

Put your love to the test

You know, you know you've got to

Got to express how you feel and maybe
Then you'll know your love is real

Yeah

You don't need diamond rings

Or 18-karat gold

Fancy cars that go very fast

You know they never last
No, no

What you need is a big strong hand to
Lift you to your higher ground

Lift you to your higher ground

Make you feel like a queen on a throne

Make him love you
Till you can't come down

Don't go for second best, baby

Put your love to the test

You know, you know you've got to

Got to express how you feel and maybe

Then you'll know your love is real

Long stem roses
Are the way to your heart

But he needs to start with your head

Satin sheets are very romantic

What happens when you're not in bed?

You deserve the best in life

So if the time isn't right, then move on

Move on, yeah

Second best is never enough

You'll do much better
Baby, on your own

On my own

Yeah

Don't go for second best, baby

Put your love to the test
You know, you know you've got to

Got to express how you feel and maybe

Then you'll know your love is real

Express yourself

(ALL PANTING)

Oh... it's hot!