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Kids, this is
a Thanksgiving story.
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Thanksgiving in New York
is a wonderful time,
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00:00:20,914 --> 00:00:25,044
It's a time for giving of yourself,
for thinking of your fellow man,
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00:00:25,151 --> 00:00:28,746
A time when the unforgiving city
becomes a little kinder,
5
00:00:28,888 --> 00:00:30,651
Well, I just ralphed.
6
00:00:31,324 --> 00:00:34,919
- How much did you guys drink last night?
- Not how much, what.
7
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The Thanks-tini,
8
00:00:37,263 --> 00:00:40,164
a fun and delicious new novelty drink
I invented.
9
00:00:40,266 --> 00:00:44,168
Cranberry juice, potato vodka,
and a bouillon cube.
10
00:00:44,604 --> 00:00:47,129
Tastes just like a turkey dinner.
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00:00:48,708 --> 00:00:51,199
It's like Thanksgiving in my mouth.
12
00:00:51,844 --> 00:00:54,574
You want a good holiday drink?
Try his Kwanzaa-politan.
13
00:00:56,649 --> 00:00:58,446
The shuttle's here!
14
00:00:59,619 --> 00:01:01,917
He hasn't been back home to Minnesota
since Christmas.
15
00:01:02,021 --> 00:01:04,251
- He's a little excited.
- Baby, we're holding up the shuttle.
16
00:01:04,357 --> 00:01:07,554
Do you have everything you need?
Toothbrush, pajamas, underpants?
17
00:01:07,660 --> 00:01:08,991
Underpants.
18
00:01:10,830 --> 00:01:13,822
So, Lil, Marshall's family.
19
00:01:14,133 --> 00:01:17,000
Whole weekend with the future in-laws.
You excited?
20
00:01:17,103 --> 00:01:21,403
- Yeah, no, it'll be fun.
- Lily, you just said, "Yeah, no."
21
00:01:22,408 --> 00:01:25,571
Did I? No, I love Marshall's family.
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00:01:26,312 --> 00:01:28,940
- But, yeah, no, it'll be great.
- You just did it again.
23
00:01:29,048 --> 00:01:30,675
Yeah, no, shut up.
24
00:01:32,118 --> 00:01:33,847
Wait, so you're not going home
for Thanksgiving?
25
00:01:33,953 --> 00:01:36,820
- No, I have to work on Friday. You?
- I'm Canadian, remember?
26
00:01:36,923 --> 00:01:39,756
- We celebrate Thanksgiving in October.
- Oh, right, I forgot.
27
00:01:39,859 --> 00:01:43,454
You guys are weird.
You pronounce the word "out," "oute."
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You guys are the world's leader
in handgun violence,
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your healthcare system is bankrupt,
30
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and your country is deeply divided
on almost every important issue.
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Your cops are called Mounties.
32
00:01:57,643 --> 00:01:59,508
So, probably hanging out
with Barney, then?
33
00:01:59,612 --> 00:02:01,603
No. Barney's got
his own Thanksgiving tradition.
34
00:02:02,181 --> 00:02:04,672
Thanksgiving in a strip club. Who's in?
35
00:02:04,817 --> 00:02:07,980
The Lusty Leopard has
a surprisingly good Thanksgiving buffet.
36
00:02:08,087 --> 00:02:10,988
Plus, they do this thing.
Heather dresses up as a Pilgrim,
37
00:02:11,090 --> 00:02:15,789
and Misty dresses up as an Indian,
and they share a meal together.
38
00:02:15,995 --> 00:02:20,625
- Oh, Barney.
- I'm sorry. Native American.
39
00:02:22,101 --> 00:02:24,831
I think I'm gonna go to a homeless shelter,
serve food.
40
00:02:24,937 --> 00:02:26,564
- That's awesome.
- Yeah.
41
00:02:26,672 --> 00:02:30,073
I thought I'd just spend the day
giving back, you know, doing some good.
42
00:02:30,176 --> 00:02:32,269
- Canceling out Barney.
- Exactly.
43
00:02:32,478 --> 00:02:35,174
- Where are all my underpants?
- Did you check your suitcase?
44
00:02:35,314 --> 00:02:36,281
No.
45
00:02:37,650 --> 00:02:38,217
Let's go.
46
00:02:38,217 --> 00:02:38,842
Let's go.
47
00:02:38,951 --> 00:02:40,612
And go they went,
48
00:02:40,720 --> 00:02:43,951
All the way to St., Cloud, Minnesota,
Marshall's hometown,
49
00:02:44,357 --> 00:02:47,349
And as Lily stepped into
her fiancé's boyhood home,
50
00:02:47,460 --> 00:02:49,087
she received a big welcome,
51
00:02:49,195 --> 00:02:50,924
Hello! We're home!
52
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A very big welcome,
53
00:02:55,301 --> 00:02:59,169
You see, at 6-foot-4,
Marshall was the runt of the Eriksen clan,
54
00:02:59,272 --> 00:03:01,706
- Great to see you.
- Hey, you, too.
55
00:03:02,308 --> 00:03:05,402
Wow, I forgot how tall you guys are.
56
00:03:05,945 --> 00:03:08,277
- Where's my almost daughter-in-law?
- Here I am!
57
00:03:08,381 --> 00:03:09,575
Over here!
58
00:03:11,784 --> 00:03:13,945
Well, you got yourself
a great little bride here, Son.
59
00:03:14,053 --> 00:03:15,077
- Yeah.
- That's great.
60
00:03:15,188 --> 00:03:17,383
All right, now, no farting around.
61
00:03:17,523 --> 00:03:20,321
Put your skates and your pads on, boys.
Game on in five minutes.
62
00:03:20,426 --> 00:03:21,518
Yeah. All right.
63
00:03:21,627 --> 00:03:24,187
- Oh, you gonna play hockey?
- Hike, hut!
64
00:03:24,297 --> 00:03:27,562
- With a basketball?
- Well, it's a combination of the two.
65
00:03:27,667 --> 00:03:30,568
- We call it "bask-ice-ball."
- We invented it.
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00:03:30,670 --> 00:03:33,264
It's the most dangerous
and awesome sport in the world.
67
00:03:33,372 --> 00:03:37,103
Bask-ice-ball? Not ice-ket-ball?
68
00:03:37,210 --> 00:03:38,871
"Ice-ket-ball"?
69
00:03:39,879 --> 00:03:42,109
- Just sounds weird.
- Yeah.
70
00:03:42,215 --> 00:03:46,413
- It's bask-ice-ball, okay? And I'm the best.
- Oh, you wish.
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00:03:46,519 --> 00:03:49,886
Oh, well, maybe that's just 'cause
you haven't seen me play.
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00:03:52,058 --> 00:03:54,526
I don't know, honey.
It's not really a sport for a girl.
73
00:03:54,627 --> 00:03:57,391
Well, that's funny,
'cause your brother throws like a girl.
74
00:04:00,133 --> 00:04:01,430
Marcus.
75
00:04:02,902 --> 00:04:06,133
- This is gonna be great.
- I know. I'm so psyched we did this.
76
00:04:06,239 --> 00:04:07,399
Man, look at all these people.
77
00:04:07,507 --> 00:04:10,203
Giving up their Thanksgiving to help
their fellow man.
78
00:04:10,309 --> 00:04:12,004
These have gotta be the best people
in New York.
79
00:04:13,613 --> 00:04:16,446
Excuse me, guys, coming through.
80
00:04:16,549 --> 00:04:19,177
- Barney?
- Well, hi, guys.
81
00:04:19,352 --> 00:04:22,446
- What are you doing here?
- Oh, just the Lord's work.
82
00:04:23,489 --> 00:04:26,287
- But you're Satan.
- Guys, okay, look.
83
00:04:26,526 --> 00:04:29,017
I don't advertise it, but I volunteer here.
84
00:04:29,128 --> 00:04:31,688
I think it's important to help
the less fortunate.
85
00:04:31,797 --> 00:04:34,789
I'm the Angelina Jolie
of incredibly hot guys.
86
00:04:35,701 --> 00:04:38,465
This is a joke, right?
You don't actually volunteer here?
87
00:04:38,571 --> 00:04:41,631
Barney, we need you out front.
There is a logjam on the stuffing line.
88
00:04:41,741 --> 00:04:43,902
- Can you show them how it's done?
- I'm on it.
89
00:04:44,010 --> 00:04:47,673
- Wait, so, this is real? Barney does this?
- Every Sunday, all year long.
90
00:04:47,780 --> 00:04:48,769
He's our best volunteer.
91
00:04:48,881 --> 00:04:51,372
That's 'cause
I was trained by the best, Kendall.
92
00:04:51,584 --> 00:04:53,950
Anyway, we're psyched
to be here, Kendall.
93
00:04:54,053 --> 00:04:55,611
What do you need us to do?
94
00:04:55,721 --> 00:04:57,814
- Go home, we're full.
- What?
95
00:04:58,124 --> 00:04:59,989
We're volunteers, we're unpaid help.
96
00:05:00,092 --> 00:05:01,992
Can you ever really have
enough unpaid help?
97
00:05:02,094 --> 00:05:05,791
On the biggest volunteer day of the year?
Yeah, you can.
98
00:05:05,932 --> 00:05:09,368
- Come on, we just wanna help out.
- Kendall. They're cool.
99
00:05:10,469 --> 00:05:12,664
Fine. But I'm not promising anything.
100
00:05:12,772 --> 00:05:15,707
Wait here,
we'll let you know if we need you.
101
00:05:16,809 --> 00:05:20,074
Okay, well, I better get back out there.
There's a lot of food to give out.
102
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And a lot of smiles.
103
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I almost forgot.
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I know it's early,
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but you are a future Mrs. Eriksen.
106
00:05:33,125 --> 00:05:35,685
Oh, thank you.
107
00:05:36,095 --> 00:05:38,359
Well, it'll go great with my...
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I just love it.
109
00:05:41,434 --> 00:05:43,732
Okay, Lily, we're putting you
on salad duty.
110
00:05:43,836 --> 00:05:47,067
Oh, I make this
great frisée and endive salad
111
00:05:47,173 --> 00:05:49,573
with a coriander lime vinaigrette.
112
00:05:50,243 --> 00:05:52,643
But this is an American holiday.
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Lily, now that you're going to be
a Mrs. Eriksen,
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00:05:57,850 --> 00:06:00,910
I'm going to let you in on a secret recipe:
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00:06:01,654 --> 00:06:05,351
The Eriksen Family Seven Layer Salad.
116
00:06:06,292 --> 00:06:08,123
Seven layer salad?
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00:06:10,429 --> 00:06:13,227
Six cups of mayonnaise?
That can't be right.
118
00:06:13,332 --> 00:06:17,564
Oh, no, dear. Sixteen cups.
Mayo's in that cabinet.
119
00:06:20,906 --> 00:06:24,842
Oh, my God, there is some
serious bask-ice-ball going on out there.
120
00:06:24,944 --> 00:06:27,879
Dad totally nailed Marcus in the face
with a snowball, which is a foul,
121
00:06:27,980 --> 00:06:29,743
'cause you only get
one snowball per possession,
122
00:06:29,849 --> 00:06:33,114
so I nailed him in the shin with my skate,
and then I totally dunked it.
123
00:06:33,219 --> 00:06:36,620
Yeah, you were sitting pretty,
till I whacked you with that mallet.
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00:06:36,722 --> 00:06:38,349
Hey, gorgeous.
125
00:06:38,891 --> 00:06:40,256
You having fun?
126
00:06:40,526 --> 00:06:44,724
Yeah, but I kind of miss you.
Could you stay in here for a little bit?
127
00:06:44,830 --> 00:06:46,991
Yeah, yeah, yeah, no problem.
It's halftime.
128
00:06:47,333 --> 00:06:49,699
Halftime's over.
Get your butts out here. Come on.
129
00:06:49,802 --> 00:06:52,771
And I hope you like the taste
of skate, dorko.
130
00:06:54,707 --> 00:06:57,403
- Go.
- Thanks, baby.
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00:06:58,944 --> 00:07:00,036
Isn't this great?
132
00:07:00,146 --> 00:07:03,240
Can't you see why everybody
from my high school stays in this town?
133
00:07:03,716 --> 00:07:06,810
Hey, Marvin! You're the dorko, dorko!
134
00:07:12,525 --> 00:07:14,186
Man, it's amazing out there.
135
00:07:14,293 --> 00:07:17,421
I've done so much good today,
I've got, like, a soul boner.
136
00:07:18,931 --> 00:07:21,365
Man, the way
the faces of the less fortunate light up
137
00:07:21,467 --> 00:07:22,900
when you give them
a hot, nutritious meal,
138
00:07:23,002 --> 00:07:24,833
is there a better feeling on earth?
139
00:07:25,004 --> 00:07:28,565
Yesterday, you said the best feeling
on earth was getting your toes sucked.
140
00:07:28,808 --> 00:07:31,606
Then you requested a high-five,
with your foot.
141
00:07:33,379 --> 00:07:35,904
Hey, Barn, what do you say
you let us sub in for you
142
00:07:36,015 --> 00:07:38,074
scoop stuffing for a little bit?
143
00:07:38,184 --> 00:07:39,981
You wanna scoop stuffing
your first day out?
144
00:07:40,086 --> 00:07:43,578
Hello, NFL,
can I be quarterback this Sunday? Dude.
145
00:07:46,859 --> 00:07:50,693
Okay, I finished the Gummi Bear layer
of the salad.
146
00:07:50,796 --> 00:07:52,195
What's next?
147
00:07:53,199 --> 00:07:55,133
Potato chips, of course.
148
00:07:55,368 --> 00:07:59,099
So, Lily, when are you gonna start
thinking about having a baby?
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00:07:59,839 --> 00:08:03,832
Baby? You know,
I hadn't really thought about it.
150
00:08:04,210 --> 00:08:05,404
At all.
151
00:08:05,544 --> 00:08:08,775
Actually, Aunt Lily was lying,
It was all she'd been thinking about,
152
00:08:08,914 --> 00:08:10,347
You see, remember when she said...
153
00:08:10,883 --> 00:08:12,646
Well, I just ralphed.
154
00:08:13,352 --> 00:08:15,616
At that point, she was five days late,
155
00:08:15,721 --> 00:08:17,313
This was day six,
156
00:08:18,357 --> 00:08:21,258
Yeah, I mean, I'm way too young
to have a baby, right?
157
00:08:21,360 --> 00:08:22,952
Oh, are you kidding?
158
00:08:23,062 --> 00:08:24,757
I was younger than you
when I had Marcus.
159
00:08:24,864 --> 00:08:27,230
Beautiful 15-pound boy.
160
00:08:28,100 --> 00:08:30,227
Not much bigger
than this turkey right here.
161
00:08:34,974 --> 00:08:36,202
Oh, boy.
162
00:08:42,561 --> 00:08:45,928
Now, if Lily was already
uneasy about joining the Eriksen family,
163
00:08:46,031 --> 00:08:47,020
imagine how she felt
164
00:08:47,132 --> 00:08:51,091
about possibly having a 15-pound Eriksen
growing inside of her,
165
00:08:52,004 --> 00:08:53,972
That's a big baby, Judy.
166
00:08:54,406 --> 00:08:57,705
- The doctor thought he was twins.
- Twins.
167
00:08:59,044 --> 00:09:00,204
Twins.
168
00:09:03,315 --> 00:09:06,648
This is crazy. When did it get so hard
to do charity work?
169
00:09:06,752 --> 00:09:08,515
I do charity work all the time.
170
00:09:08,620 --> 00:09:10,747
Remember when I said
I'd find you a girlfriend?
171
00:09:10,856 --> 00:09:13,848
Delightful. How's that little project
coming along, anyway?
172
00:09:13,959 --> 00:09:15,017
I'm working on it.
173
00:09:15,127 --> 00:09:17,687
I'm gonna introduce you to that girl
you've been staring at.
174
00:09:17,796 --> 00:09:19,957
What? That's crazy.
I haven't been staring at any girl.
175
00:09:20,065 --> 00:09:21,657
Have you met Ted?
176
00:09:21,900 --> 00:09:25,666
Hi, I'm the aforementioned Ted,
and this is... Gone.
177
00:09:26,739 --> 00:09:28,297
- I'm Amanda.
- Hi.
178
00:09:28,440 --> 00:09:33,139
- So, what do you do here, Ted?
- Well, I've been... Nothing. I do nothing.
179
00:09:34,613 --> 00:09:35,671
Well, if you wanna do something,
180
00:09:35,781 --> 00:09:38,079
you and your girlfriend can help
sort through these donations.
181
00:09:38,183 --> 00:09:40,276
Oh, I'm not his girlfriend.
182
00:09:40,385 --> 00:09:43,912
I used to be,
but I just wasn't enough woman for Ted,
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00:09:44,022 --> 00:09:46,684
emotionally, or sexually.
184
00:09:47,259 --> 00:09:48,590
Oh, my God.
185
00:09:49,061 --> 00:09:52,963
So, Amanda, what do you need us to do?
186
00:09:53,632 --> 00:09:54,792
Okay, this is important.
187
00:09:54,900 --> 00:09:56,868
Go through all these boxes
of food donations,
188
00:09:56,969 --> 00:09:59,437
take out the really good stuff,
and put it into this box.
189
00:09:59,538 --> 00:10:01,597
Got it. Consider it sorted.
190
00:10:03,008 --> 00:10:04,032
Hey, we're in business.
191
00:10:04,143 --> 00:10:06,611
Hey, Barney's not gonna get
all the glory today.
192
00:10:11,116 --> 00:10:13,084
- Let's start with this one.
- Yeah.
193
00:10:14,286 --> 00:10:16,584
Amen.
194
00:10:16,722 --> 00:10:19,122
Look who came to say good night.
195
00:10:19,224 --> 00:10:22,250
It's little Martin. Three months old.
196
00:10:22,795 --> 00:10:26,492
- Months? Three months?
- He's been drinking his milk.
197
00:10:26,598 --> 00:10:27,656
Oh, yeah.
198
00:10:27,766 --> 00:10:29,233
Hear, hear.
199
00:10:31,136 --> 00:10:33,127
And she's already pregnant again.
200
00:10:33,238 --> 00:10:36,332
Well, that's 'cause
those Eriksen boys' boys can swim.
201
00:10:36,441 --> 00:10:39,171
They got two tails
and a drill bit for a head.
202
00:10:40,412 --> 00:10:44,439
- Dad, you're embarrassing me.
- Don't worry about it, Son, she's cool.
203
00:10:44,550 --> 00:10:48,179
- She's gonna be an Eriksen.
- Yeah, well, not literally.
204
00:10:48,387 --> 00:10:51,015
'Cause, you know, I'm keeping my name.
205
00:10:51,824 --> 00:10:53,849
But the apron?
206
00:10:56,929 --> 00:10:59,625
Well, we haven't actually decided
anything yet, so we're gonna...
207
00:10:59,731 --> 00:11:02,757
No, I've decided,
and I'm keeping my own name.
208
00:11:03,335 --> 00:11:06,202
But Eriksen is a great last name.
209
00:11:07,139 --> 00:11:09,198
People know the Eriksens.
210
00:11:10,809 --> 00:11:12,777
Well, sure, in St. Cloud,
211
00:11:12,878 --> 00:11:16,041
but our kids aren't gonna be
growing up in St. Cloud.
212
00:11:16,215 --> 00:11:17,580
Right, baby?
213
00:11:20,185 --> 00:11:23,518
Well, why not St. Cloud?
I mean, I loved growing up in St. Cloud.
214
00:11:23,622 --> 00:11:26,352
St. Cloud is a great place
to have a childhood.
215
00:11:26,458 --> 00:11:28,085
Well, so is New York.
216
00:11:30,896 --> 00:11:33,592
What? It is. And we grew up just fine.
217
00:11:33,699 --> 00:11:36,759
And we grew to the proper size,
and then we stopped.
218
00:11:43,442 --> 00:11:45,933
- Hey, Amanda, what's this box for?
- Oh, that's for me.
219
00:11:46,044 --> 00:11:50,242
- You can put it in my car.
- In your car. Then you'll take it...
220
00:11:50,616 --> 00:11:54,143
Home. Yeah, we get so much extra food,
no one can eat it all.
221
00:11:54,453 --> 00:11:57,547
Oh, truffle oil. Score.
222
00:11:58,323 --> 00:12:01,884
But people donated this food
thinking it was going to feed the hungry.
223
00:12:01,994 --> 00:12:04,554
I know. And I'm starving.
224
00:12:08,000 --> 00:12:11,834
- But, Marshall, you love New York.
- Yes, I do.
225
00:12:12,237 --> 00:12:13,670
But you always said
that when we had kids,
226
00:12:13,772 --> 00:12:17,640
- you wanted to move out of Manhattan.
- Well, yeah, to Brooklyn.
227
00:12:18,410 --> 00:12:22,437
Why are we even talking about this?
This is, like, way down the road.
228
00:12:22,547 --> 00:12:26,745
But Lily knew "way down the
road,"might not be so far down the road,
229
00:12:27,920 --> 00:12:31,754
- I need to go to the restroom.
- Lily, the restroom's the other way.
230
00:12:31,857 --> 00:12:33,552
So, she headed down the road,
231
00:12:34,426 --> 00:12:37,156
Lily? Lily!
232
00:12:44,052 --> 00:12:47,021
So, wait. Not only have you not done
any good for anyone today,
233
00:12:47,121 --> 00:12:49,783
you're actually helping someone
steal from the homeless?
234
00:12:49,891 --> 00:12:53,122
You know, Ted, it's called
Thanksgiving, not Thanks-taking.
235
00:12:53,261 --> 00:12:54,319
Damn.
236
00:12:55,029 --> 00:12:57,156
Barney, you need me to sign
your time sheet, right?
237
00:12:57,265 --> 00:13:00,701
- Oh, yeah, right. Thanks.
- Barney.
238
00:13:01,202 --> 00:13:03,727
- Yeah, what's up?
- You have a time sheet?
239
00:13:03,838 --> 00:13:06,170
- No one else has a time sheet.
- Yeah, so?
240
00:13:06,274 --> 00:13:07,434
All right, let me see that. Come on.
241
00:13:07,542 --> 00:13:09,510
Hey, that's my private, personal business.
242
00:13:09,611 --> 00:13:12,341
"Court-mandated community service?"
243
00:13:12,447 --> 00:13:15,575
Oh, my God, you're on probation?
What did you do?
244
00:13:16,818 --> 00:13:19,082
That's my private, personal business.
245
00:13:25,560 --> 00:13:29,963
I was unfairly punished because
the wall belonged to the judge's church.
246
00:13:30,632 --> 00:13:32,623
You peed on a church?
247
00:13:32,734 --> 00:13:35,362
I peed in an alley,
which happened to have a church,
248
00:13:35,470 --> 00:13:38,268
which I did not see, because I was drunk.
249
00:13:39,240 --> 00:13:43,472
- You are evil.
- All is right with the world again.
250
00:13:43,611 --> 00:13:44,635
Okay, fine.
251
00:13:44,746 --> 00:13:47,943
So a judge is making me do this,
but I'm still doing it.
252
00:13:48,049 --> 00:13:50,643
And kicking ass at it, BTW.
253
00:13:52,253 --> 00:13:55,051
When's the last time
either of you did something good, huh?
254
00:13:58,493 --> 00:14:00,051
Kendall. Kendall.
255
00:14:00,728 --> 00:14:04,892
Amanda is stealing Portobello mushrooms
from homeless people.
256
00:14:05,967 --> 00:14:09,926
Amanda. I called dibs
on the Portobello mushrooms.
257
00:14:11,372 --> 00:14:15,035
- Those are for the hungry.
- I know. And I'm starving.
258
00:14:21,282 --> 00:14:22,806
Those are good mushrooms!
259
00:14:22,917 --> 00:14:25,852
Mushrooms! Mushrooms!
Portobello mushrooms for everyone!
260
00:14:25,987 --> 00:14:29,184
Take them and run!
They're very expensive!
261
00:14:34,195 --> 00:14:37,426
- Happy Thanksgiving.
- Happy Thanksgiving?
262
00:14:37,632 --> 00:14:40,260
As in, "Check out the chick buying
the knock-up test, everybody,
263
00:14:40,368 --> 00:14:42,233
"wonder what must be going
through her head."
264
00:14:42,337 --> 00:14:46,433
Yeah, well, since you asked,
a family of mayonnaise-guzzling giants
265
00:14:46,541 --> 00:14:49,476
is trying to suck me
into their suburban nightmare,
266
00:14:49,577 --> 00:14:51,943
and there's a solid chance
that I have an Eriksen,
267
00:14:52,046 --> 00:14:55,812
the size of a 15-pound turkey,
growing inside of me!
268
00:14:57,385 --> 00:15:01,412
You know the Eriksens?
You're Marshall's fiancée.
269
00:15:02,557 --> 00:15:05,082
- Fantastic.
- So nice to meet you.
270
00:15:05,193 --> 00:15:07,354
You're taller than described.
271
00:15:08,730 --> 00:15:11,221
Oh, I'm sorry I just yelled at you.
272
00:15:11,666 --> 00:15:14,226
- You mind if I use your bathroom?
- Don't have one.
273
00:15:14,902 --> 00:15:17,496
- So what do you do when you have to...
- I hold it.
274
00:15:24,212 --> 00:15:28,114
- You can't fire a volunteer.
- Apparently you can.
275
00:15:28,316 --> 00:15:31,114
And his two
non-mushroom-throwing friends.
276
00:15:31,686 --> 00:15:34,621
I can't believe I told Kendall
you guys were cool.
277
00:15:34,889 --> 00:15:37,551
I have 40 hours left
on my community service.
278
00:15:37,659 --> 00:15:41,493
And now I've gotta spend it
spearing trash on a freaking median strip.
279
00:15:43,164 --> 00:15:46,190
Volunteer of the Year!
280
00:15:47,301 --> 00:15:49,098
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Okay?
281
00:15:49,203 --> 00:15:51,535
Look, if there's anything I can do
to make it up to you,
282
00:15:51,639 --> 00:15:54,039
- just tell me, I'll do it.
- Ted, I'm glad you asked.
283
00:16:03,584 --> 00:16:06,382
- Surprisingly good.
- Right? I told you so.
284
00:16:06,788 --> 00:16:10,315
Public urination.
Who gets arrested for public urination?
285
00:16:10,892 --> 00:16:14,020
- Lily's been arrested.
- Oh, dear. What for?
286
00:16:15,630 --> 00:16:17,154
Public urination.
287
00:16:27,058 --> 00:16:29,492
- Thanks, Pete.
- No problemo, Marsh.
288
00:16:31,329 --> 00:16:33,297
- You all right?
- No.
289
00:16:33,932 --> 00:16:36,594
I embarrassed myself
in front of your family,
290
00:16:36,701 --> 00:16:40,865
and now I'm celebrating Thanksgiving in
probably the most depressing place ever.
291
00:16:45,543 --> 00:16:47,306
Well, I'm glad that you're safe.
292
00:16:47,579 --> 00:16:48,603
Hey, weird question.
293
00:16:48,713 --> 00:16:50,874
Why did you drive 3 miles down Route 23
294
00:16:50,982 --> 00:16:52,847
and take a pee
behind a convenience store?
295
00:16:52,951 --> 00:16:55,010
Okay, I'll tell you, but before I do,
296
00:16:55,120 --> 00:16:58,647
promise me that we are not gonna move
to St. Cloud, Minnesota. Promise.
297
00:16:58,757 --> 00:17:00,748
Look it, I'm not suggesting
that we move here tomorrow,
298
00:17:00,892 --> 00:17:02,052
- I'm just...
- Just promise!
299
00:17:02,160 --> 00:17:03,752
Why do you want me to promise you that?
300
00:17:03,862 --> 00:17:06,626
Because I don't fit in here.
I'm not 8 feet tall,
301
00:17:06,731 --> 00:17:10,167
and I don't think you can call it a salad
if it has Funyuns in it!
302
00:17:11,102 --> 00:17:12,467
I'm Funyuns.
303
00:17:12,937 --> 00:17:17,306
And mayonnaise, and Gummi Bears,
and bask-ice-ball, and I love St. Cloud.
304
00:17:17,442 --> 00:17:20,240
And yes, there is a part of me
that would like to move here someday.
305
00:17:20,345 --> 00:17:24,543
And why are we having this discussion
in a jail cell on Thanksgiving?
306
00:17:25,250 --> 00:17:29,619
Okay, personal effects.
One wallet, one cell phone,
307
00:17:30,555 --> 00:17:32,318
one pregnancy test.
308
00:17:40,465 --> 00:17:43,366
Pete arrested me before I could look at it.
309
00:17:51,009 --> 00:17:53,204
- Whoa.
- Yeah.
310
00:17:54,979 --> 00:17:57,345
Lily, we can't let our kids play
bask-ice-ball.
311
00:17:57,816 --> 00:18:00,478
Bask-ice-ball is really dangerous.
312
00:18:01,586 --> 00:18:03,577
Yeah, what are the rules
to that game, anyway?
313
00:18:03,688 --> 00:18:06,350
There are no rules.
We just whale on each other.
314
00:18:11,429 --> 00:18:14,023
Look, I don't wanna be
exactly like my family.
315
00:18:15,967 --> 00:18:18,367
And don't take this the wrong way,
316
00:18:19,003 --> 00:18:22,404
but I don't wanna be
exactly like your family, either.
317
00:18:23,875 --> 00:18:25,809
We'll be our own family.
318
00:18:25,977 --> 00:18:30,880
And we'll find our own way to
freak out the people our kids bring home.
319
00:18:34,385 --> 00:18:36,216
Great, now I'm crying.
320
00:18:36,654 --> 00:18:40,283
Look, we may have some really
big decisions to make
321
00:18:40,391 --> 00:18:42,154
in about 10 seconds,
322
00:18:42,794 --> 00:18:45,228
but right now,
I don't care where our kids grow up,
323
00:18:45,330 --> 00:18:47,696
as long as they have you for a father.
324
00:18:51,870 --> 00:18:53,804
Gosh, I hope you're the father.
325
00:18:53,905 --> 00:18:57,102
Just a little joke to lighten up the mood.
326
00:19:02,013 --> 00:19:03,605
What does it say?
327
00:19:04,549 --> 00:19:07,484
It's negative!
328
00:19:08,920 --> 00:19:10,979
Oh, thank God.
329
00:19:12,323 --> 00:19:13,620
And, hey!
330
00:19:16,294 --> 00:19:18,785
Ted, are you listening?
331
00:19:19,998 --> 00:19:21,295
You're a good guy.
332
00:19:21,399 --> 00:19:23,367
Wanna know
why I have to work tomorrow?
333
00:19:23,468 --> 00:19:26,733
My firm's designing an executive lounge
for a tobacco company.
334
00:19:26,838 --> 00:19:30,274
In the fight against cancer,
I'm on the side of cancer.
335
00:19:30,508 --> 00:19:33,477
Okay, Ted. I found a way
for you to help someone, to do some good.
336
00:19:33,578 --> 00:19:36,046
This is Walter. Walter is homeless.
337
00:19:36,147 --> 00:19:39,844
- And Walter would like a lap dance.
- Are you joking?
338
00:19:39,984 --> 00:19:43,784
I never joke about the sublime art
of burlesque entertainment.
339
00:19:44,789 --> 00:19:46,552
No, Barney, that's insane.
340
00:19:46,658 --> 00:19:50,185
Sir, would you like me to buy you
a ticket to the buffet?
341
00:19:50,295 --> 00:19:52,957
No, I'm stuffed.
Just the lap dance would be fine.
342
00:19:54,065 --> 00:19:55,999
Ted, Walter's been
to three shelter dinners.
343
00:19:56,100 --> 00:19:59,592
You know where he hasn't been?
To heaven with Samantha.
344
00:20:01,606 --> 00:20:04,734
Look, it's the one chance you've had
all day to help someone in need.
345
00:20:04,842 --> 00:20:07,003
Now, buy this man a lap dance.
346
00:20:07,946 --> 00:20:11,074
You said you wanted to see the look of joy
in someone's eyes.
347
00:20:11,583 --> 00:20:14,279
You know, I don't think I'm gonna watch.
348
00:20:15,920 --> 00:20:19,617
Here you go, Walter. Happy Thanksgiving.
349
00:20:21,059 --> 00:20:24,051
Thank you so much. No, really. Thank you.
350
00:20:28,266 --> 00:20:30,234
Happy Thanksgiving, guys.
351
00:20:32,870 --> 00:20:35,498
Thanksgiving in November. Weird.
352
00:20:42,413 --> 00:20:44,973
So, that was Thanksgiving 2005,
353
00:20:45,116 --> 00:20:49,075
To be honest, it didn't go great,
But life has plenty of good parts,
354
00:20:49,320 --> 00:20:53,188
It's the rough parts that make you thankful
you have people to share it with,
355
00:21:11,342 --> 00:21:15,142
Hey, I saw what you did for that guy.
It was really sweet.
356
00:21:16,714 --> 00:21:19,012
- Do you want a dance?
- No, thanks.
357
00:21:20,118 --> 00:21:22,609
- Do you want some yams?
- No, thanks.
358
00:21:23,788 --> 00:21:25,813
- I'm Amber.
- I'm Ted.
359
00:21:26,758 --> 00:21:29,056
Actually, I'm Tracey.
360
00:21:30,595 --> 00:21:31,892
Still Ted.
361
00:21:32,263 --> 00:21:35,323
And that, kids,
is the true story of how I met your mother,
362
00:21:35,800 --> 00:21:37,495
- What?
- I'm kidding.
29792
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