Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,406 --> 00:00:04,803
♪ It seems today that all you see ♪
2
00:00:04,804 --> 00:00:08,178
♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪
3
00:00:08,179 --> 00:00:11,863
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
4
00:00:11,864 --> 00:00:14,833
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
5
00:00:14,834 --> 00:00:18,303
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
6
00:00:18,304 --> 00:00:21,547
♪ Lucky there's a manwho positively can do ♪
7
00:00:21,548 --> 00:00:23,172
♪ All the things that make us ♪
8
00:00:23,173 --> 00:00:24,809
♪ Laugh and cry ♪
9
00:00:24,810 --> 00:00:30,177
♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
10
00:00:31,250 --> 00:00:34,652
ANNOUNCER: Family Guy is filmedbefore a live studio audience.
11
00:00:34,653 --> 00:00:36,287
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
12
00:00:36,288 --> 00:00:37,555
STUDIO AUDIENCE MEMBER: That's Carol,
13
00:00:37,556 --> 00:00:39,491
Lois' sister who was married
to Mayor West,
14
00:00:39,492 --> 00:00:41,993
- but now he's dead.
- MAN: (WHOOPS) I love you, Carol!
15
00:00:41,994 --> 00:00:44,362
We're glad you could come over
for dinner tonight, Carol.
16
00:00:44,363 --> 00:00:46,097
Thank you for having me.
17
00:00:46,098 --> 00:00:48,700
I've been having such a hard
time since Adam passed away.
18
00:00:48,701 --> 00:00:50,802
- STUDIO AUDIENCE: Aw...
- MAN: (WHOOPS)
19
00:00:50,803 --> 00:00:53,004
I want to squeeze your butt
and then take your pants down
20
00:00:53,005 --> 00:00:54,406
and look at your butt!
21
00:00:54,407 --> 00:00:55,789
We still can't believe he's gone.
22
00:00:55,790 --> 00:00:59,744
He was such a great mayor,
and a great uncle to the kids.
23
00:00:59,745 --> 00:01:02,213
Wait, Uncle Adam is dead?
24
00:01:02,214 --> 00:01:04,749
Yeesh. How many people
has this show killed?
25
00:01:04,750 --> 00:01:07,052
- Yeah, we're all gonna miss...
- MAN: Hey, don't touch me, man!
26
00:01:07,053 --> 00:01:09,320
I'm leaving. I know-I know
what I did. I'm leaving.
27
00:01:09,321 --> 00:01:10,922
(SCATTERED APPLAUSE)
28
00:01:10,923 --> 00:01:12,888
Yeah, we're all gonna miss Mayor West.
29
00:01:12,889 --> 00:01:15,857
You know what'll make you
feel better, Aunt Carol?
30
00:01:15,858 --> 00:01:17,462
Doing an Indian guy.
31
00:01:17,463 --> 00:01:19,261
Meg, stop eating with the serving spoon.
32
00:01:19,262 --> 00:01:20,662
Nah.
33
00:01:20,663 --> 00:01:22,998
I just wish there was
some way we could honor
34
00:01:22,999 --> 00:01:25,300
Adam's memory here in town.
35
00:01:25,301 --> 00:01:26,434
You know what we should do?
36
00:01:26,435 --> 00:01:29,134
We should rename the high school
for Mayor West.
37
00:01:29,135 --> 00:01:31,104
What, you mean change it
from James Woods High?
38
00:01:31,105 --> 00:01:33,907
Yeah. James Woods
is an embarrassment to Quahog.
39
00:01:33,908 --> 00:01:36,267
He's a political troll
and a maniac on Twitter.
40
00:01:36,268 --> 00:01:38,211
I think that's a great idea, Brian.
41
00:01:38,212 --> 00:01:39,679
You should meet with Principal Shepherd
42
00:01:39,680 --> 00:01:40,847
and suggest it.
43
00:01:40,848 --> 00:01:42,516
Awesome. And while you do that,
44
00:01:42,517 --> 00:01:45,218
I'll make a special video
dedication reminding people
45
00:01:45,219 --> 00:01:47,554
of how great Mayor West was.
46
00:01:47,555 --> 00:01:49,256
(INTRO TO "RIGHT HERE
WAITING FOR YOU" PLAYS)
47
00:01:49,257 --> 00:01:51,792
♪ Oceans apart ♪
48
00:01:51,793 --> 00:01:54,594
♪ Day after day ♪
49
00:01:55,396 --> 00:01:59,499
♪ And I slowly go insane ♪
50
00:02:00,701 --> 00:02:02,936
♪ I hear your voice ♪
51
00:02:02,937 --> 00:02:05,672
♪ On the line ♪
52
00:02:06,808 --> 00:02:09,076
♪ But it doesn't stop ♪
53
00:02:09,077 --> 00:02:10,243
♪ The pain ♪
54
00:02:11,412 --> 00:02:12,979
♪ If I see you ♪
55
00:02:12,980 --> 00:02:15,282
♪ Next to never ♪
56
00:02:16,417 --> 00:02:18,185
♪ How can we ♪
57
00:02:18,186 --> 00:02:21,755
♪ Say forever ♪
58
00:02:21,756 --> 00:02:24,591
♪ Wherever you go ♪
59
00:02:24,592 --> 00:02:27,427
♪ Whatever you do ♪
60
00:02:27,428 --> 00:02:29,329
♪ I will be ♪
61
00:02:29,330 --> 00:02:32,966
♪ Right here waiting for you... ♪
62
00:02:34,936 --> 00:02:36,603
(CROWD CHEERING OVER SPEAKERPHONE)
63
00:02:36,604 --> 00:02:38,271
So, you'd like to rename the school?
64
00:02:38,272 --> 00:02:39,973
Yes. To Adam West High.
65
00:02:39,974 --> 00:02:42,843
Well, you're a talking dog... you
probably know what you're doing.
66
00:02:42,844 --> 00:02:44,010
Let's do it.
67
00:02:44,011 --> 00:02:46,012
- (CROWD GASPS OVER SPEAKERPHONE)
- Damn it!
68
00:02:46,013 --> 00:02:48,014
The only thing that's left to do now
69
00:02:48,015 --> 00:02:51,852
is for you to pay the normal
$1,000 principal meeting fee.
70
00:02:51,853 --> 00:02:53,453
What?! Wait a minute.
71
00:02:53,454 --> 00:02:55,522
Do you have a gambling problem?
72
00:02:55,523 --> 00:02:57,724
Me? I don't have a gambling problem.
73
00:02:57,725 --> 00:02:59,926
Points! Just score points!
74
00:02:59,927 --> 00:03:01,928
- I don't care who.
- (KNOCKING)
75
00:03:01,929 --> 00:03:04,231
Principal Shepherd,
someone named Eddie Payups
76
00:03:04,232 --> 00:03:05,799
is here to see you.
77
00:03:05,800 --> 00:03:07,134
Tell him I need one minute.
78
00:03:07,135 --> 00:03:08,969
Anyway, great idea.
We'll have a ceremony
79
00:03:08,970 --> 00:03:11,004
to change the name
of the school this week.
80
00:03:11,005 --> 00:03:13,140
What's the score of that game right now?
81
00:03:13,141 --> 00:03:15,509
It's, uh, 85-75.
82
00:03:15,510 --> 00:03:17,043
Ugh! Not enough.
83
00:03:18,045 --> 00:03:19,079
Wow, we did it.
84
00:03:19,080 --> 00:03:20,647
We changed the name of the school.
85
00:03:20,648 --> 00:03:22,883
Well, you know, it was
the right thing to do, Brian.
86
00:03:22,884 --> 00:03:26,119
Like when I had to give bad news
to that improv team.
87
00:03:26,120 --> 00:03:29,122
I called you here to tell you
that you're all 45 years old.
88
00:03:29,123 --> 00:03:31,124
Go home and be with your children.
89
00:03:36,731 --> 00:03:38,331
Thank you, everybody, for coming today
90
00:03:38,332 --> 00:03:40,634
as we honor one
of Quahog's finest citizens,
91
00:03:40,635 --> 00:03:42,369
Mayor Adam West.
92
00:03:42,370 --> 00:03:43,670
We will start today's ceremony
93
00:03:43,671 --> 00:03:46,173
with the traditional
21-cat launcher salute
94
00:03:46,174 --> 00:03:48,909
to honor our wacky but beloved mayor.
95
00:03:48,910 --> 00:03:50,410
Ready! Aim!
96
00:03:50,411 --> 00:03:51,578
Meow!
97
00:03:51,579 --> 00:03:52,913
(CATS YOWL)
98
00:03:52,914 --> 00:03:55,515
Beautiful. Now, to unveil our new sign,
99
00:03:55,516 --> 00:03:58,518
we've invited HGTV's
Chip and Joanna Gaines,
100
00:03:58,519 --> 00:04:01,555
who are here to prove that their
show didn't ruin their marriage.
101
00:04:01,556 --> 00:04:04,925
BOTH: All right, Quahog,
are you ready to see your new sign?
102
00:04:04,926 --> 00:04:06,626
- MAN: Yeah!
- (WHOOPING)
103
00:04:06,627 --> 00:04:07,627
(WHEELS SQUEAKING)
104
00:04:07,628 --> 00:04:09,062
Oh, a-are we going that way?
105
00:04:09,063 --> 00:04:12,365
I don't know, Joanna.
What direction are we going?
106
00:04:12,366 --> 00:04:14,334
♪
107
00:04:14,335 --> 00:04:16,970
(CHEERING, WHISTLING)
108
00:04:20,341 --> 00:04:21,408
Uh-oh.
109
00:04:21,409 --> 00:04:23,410
Thank you. Uh, please, uh, stick around
110
00:04:23,411 --> 00:04:25,879
for refreshments and snacks
in the gymnasium.
111
00:04:25,880 --> 00:04:27,247
(CROWD GASPS)
112
00:04:34,522 --> 00:04:36,656
Go, go, Principal Coffee Breath!
113
00:04:39,160 --> 00:04:41,228
SHEPHERD: Looking for someone?
114
00:04:41,229 --> 00:04:44,064
(HEROIC ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYS)
115
00:04:44,065 --> 00:04:46,166
I like this episode.
116
00:04:49,604 --> 00:04:52,472
♪
117
00:04:52,473 --> 00:04:54,508
- Brian, wait.
- Oh, hey, Carol.
118
00:04:54,509 --> 00:04:57,043
Do you need me to walk you to your car
119
00:04:57,044 --> 00:04:59,079
in case the studio audience guy
shows up?
120
00:04:59,080 --> 00:05:01,715
No, he killed himself
in my downstairs shower.
121
00:05:01,716 --> 00:05:03,583
Oh, good. That's good.
122
00:05:03,584 --> 00:05:06,753
I just wanted to thank you
for what you did today for Adam.
123
00:05:06,754 --> 00:05:08,421
He was a great man.
124
00:05:08,422 --> 00:05:10,557
You know, I see a lot of him in you.
125
00:05:10,558 --> 00:05:12,392
Oh, no. Are we gonna kiss?
126
00:05:12,393 --> 00:05:14,728
- We're gonna kiss, aren't we?
- I came here to say
127
00:05:14,729 --> 00:05:16,830
that what you did was very honorable.
128
00:05:16,831 --> 00:05:18,331
It showed real leadership,
129
00:05:18,332 --> 00:05:21,201
and I think you should be
the next mayor of Quahog.
130
00:05:21,202 --> 00:05:22,602
Ah, damn it!
131
00:05:22,603 --> 00:05:23,770
Oh, I couldn't do that.
132
00:05:23,771 --> 00:05:25,639
I don't know anything about politics.
133
00:05:25,640 --> 00:05:27,974
Although crazier things have happened.
134
00:05:27,975 --> 00:05:30,243
Harry Truman didn't have any experience.
135
00:05:30,244 --> 00:05:32,078
Of course he did. He was vice president,
136
00:05:32,079 --> 00:05:34,681
and before that,
a United States senator.
137
00:05:34,682 --> 00:05:35,949
Oh, word?
138
00:05:37,084 --> 00:05:39,786
Brian, is this gonna be
a politics episode?
139
00:05:39,787 --> 00:05:41,554
I-I think it might be.
140
00:05:41,555 --> 00:05:44,557
(SIGHS DEEPLY)
141
00:05:49,630 --> 00:05:51,806
No one likes those.
142
00:05:56,003 --> 00:05:59,005
So, Carol was just going on and
on about how I should be mayor.
143
00:05:59,006 --> 00:06:01,875
And it's got me thinking,
it is an interesting idea.
144
00:06:01,876 --> 00:06:04,077
- You think I should do it?
- Absolutely not.
145
00:06:04,078 --> 00:06:06,079
- I mean, if not me, who?
- Anyone.
146
00:06:06,080 --> 00:06:07,681
- If not now, when?
- Never.
147
00:06:07,682 --> 00:06:09,783
- You know, why not me?
- A million reasons.
148
00:06:09,784 --> 00:06:11,178
I mean, who do you want in there,
149
00:06:11,179 --> 00:06:12,788
- some career politician?
- Yes.
150
00:06:12,789 --> 00:06:14,599
- What are they gonna do?
- Govern.
151
00:06:14,600 --> 00:06:16,122
Thanks, Stewie.
Your support means a lot.
152
00:06:16,123 --> 00:06:18,758
- You don't have it.
- You know what? I'm gonna do it.
153
00:06:18,759 --> 00:06:20,760
Guys, I have an announcement.
154
00:06:20,761 --> 00:06:24,097
- I'm gonna run for mayor.
- That's a terrible idea.
155
00:06:24,098 --> 00:06:26,666
You idiot, Brian. Meg, fart on Brian.
156
00:06:26,667 --> 00:06:29,102
I can't.
I don't have one in the chamber.
157
00:06:29,103 --> 00:06:31,938
The one time I give you
a chance, you're not ready.
158
00:06:31,939 --> 00:06:33,907
Chris, tag him for Meg.
159
00:06:33,908 --> 00:06:35,342
(FARTS)
160
00:06:35,343 --> 00:06:36,543
(GASPING BREATHS)
161
00:06:36,544 --> 00:06:38,011
See that kid? He's a gamer.
162
00:06:38,012 --> 00:06:40,680
Great job, Chris.
Now, go hit the showers.
163
00:06:40,681 --> 00:06:43,416
Meg, you miss 100%
of the farts you don't take.
164
00:06:43,417 --> 00:06:46,186
That kid's going places.
He's going all the way.
165
00:06:49,890 --> 00:06:52,058
If only they knew.
166
00:06:55,329 --> 00:06:57,330
(FARTING)
167
00:06:59,870 --> 00:07:01,702
PETER: That's my boy!
168
00:07:08,290 --> 00:07:10,344
Welcome back, Quahog. And now it's time
169
00:07:10,345 --> 00:07:13,581
for a new segment on our show
called "On the Same Sofa,"
170
00:07:13,582 --> 00:07:15,916
in which a guest and I
have a conversation
171
00:07:15,917 --> 00:07:17,718
while sitting on the same sofa.
172
00:07:17,719 --> 00:07:20,588
My guest tonight is mayoral
candidate Brian Griffin.
173
00:07:20,589 --> 00:07:22,923
- Thank you for coming, Brian.
- Pleasure, Tom.
174
00:07:22,924 --> 00:07:25,259
And thank you for allowing me
up on the furniture.
175
00:07:25,260 --> 00:07:27,761
- I don't always get to do that.
- Oh, word?
176
00:07:27,762 --> 00:07:30,196
Now, I understand
you're running unopposed.
177
00:07:30,197 --> 00:07:32,665
That gives you a bit
of an advantage, doesn't it?
178
00:07:32,666 --> 00:07:34,901
Well, Tom, I welcome a challenger.
179
00:07:34,902 --> 00:07:37,504
Not the one that exploded, but, um...
180
00:07:37,505 --> 00:07:40,140
That's probably gonna get me
in trouble right there.
181
00:07:40,141 --> 00:07:41,801
Good thing I'm running unopposed.
182
00:07:41,802 --> 00:07:44,344
Well, we've now reached
the middle of the interview,
183
00:07:44,345 --> 00:07:46,813
where I ask the guest,
"How's the sofa so far?"
184
00:07:46,814 --> 00:07:48,675
So, Brian, how's the sofa so far?
185
00:07:48,676 --> 00:07:50,250
So far, so-so.
186
00:07:50,251 --> 00:07:51,518
I see. Sophie?
187
00:07:51,519 --> 00:07:53,106
So far we've got a so-so sofa.
188
00:07:53,107 --> 00:07:55,855
SOPHIE: Great.
Okay, Tom, we go live in three,
189
00:07:55,856 --> 00:07:58,244
- two...
- What? None of that aired?
190
00:07:58,245 --> 00:07:59,893
It's all right, we can recreate it.
191
00:07:59,894 --> 00:08:01,227
SOPHIE: And you're on.
192
00:08:01,228 --> 00:08:03,897
So, Brian, I understand
you like eating your own poop.
193
00:08:03,898 --> 00:08:05,261
What's that about?
194
00:08:05,262 --> 00:08:06,596
Argh. Turn that off.
195
00:08:06,597 --> 00:08:08,664
I can't believe we're
gonna have a dog for mayor.
196
00:08:08,665 --> 00:08:10,833
We're gonna be the laughingstock
of the whole country.
197
00:08:10,834 --> 00:08:12,702
Even Sean Hannity's talking about us.
198
00:08:12,703 --> 00:08:14,237
He's a weird-looking guy.
199
00:08:14,238 --> 00:08:16,839
- Put up a picture of Sean Hannity.
- Can we do that?
200
00:08:16,840 --> 00:08:19,242
Yeah, Tosh does it
all the time. Put it up.
201
00:08:19,243 --> 00:08:20,576
JOE: Yeah, he does look weird.
202
00:08:20,577 --> 00:08:22,178
QUAGMIRE: Yeah. Who does he look like?
203
00:08:22,179 --> 00:08:24,013
CLEVELAND: I'm seeing Mr. Doubtfire.
204
00:08:24,014 --> 00:08:25,715
PETER: High-sodium Superman?
205
00:08:25,716 --> 00:08:28,460
JOE: He looks like an angry
face drawn on a thumb.
206
00:08:28,461 --> 00:08:30,062
QUAGMIRE: The richest guy at Rite Aid?
207
00:08:30,063 --> 00:08:31,830
CLEVELAND: Or the mayor who won't close
208
00:08:31,831 --> 00:08:33,298
the beaches in Jaws.
209
00:08:33,299 --> 00:08:35,067
JOE: Wreck-It Ralph at a job interview.
210
00:08:35,068 --> 00:08:36,435
QUAGMIRE: You know that's a guy
211
00:08:36,436 --> 00:08:38,937
who's roughly led his wife
out of parties by the elbow.
212
00:08:38,938 --> 00:08:41,306
PETER: A guy whose ice cream
parlor just went broke.
213
00:08:41,307 --> 00:08:43,008
CLEVELAND:
He looks like a handsome Weeble.
214
00:08:43,009 --> 00:08:44,643
JOE: Or a hot Frankenstein.
215
00:08:44,644 --> 00:08:46,778
QUAGMIRE: Yeah, but either way,
he's that Little League coach
216
00:08:46,779 --> 00:08:48,580
the parents hope their kids don't get.
217
00:08:48,581 --> 00:08:51,416
PETER: He looks like a fish that
inflates to scare predators.
218
00:08:51,417 --> 00:08:53,418
JOE: The inside trader who kills himself
219
00:08:53,419 --> 00:08:55,754
the day his prison
sentence is supposed to start.
220
00:08:55,755 --> 00:08:57,856
CLEVELAND: I'm thinking
Fred and Barney's son.
221
00:08:57,857 --> 00:09:00,225
QUAGMIRE: Trust me on this.
Strip club lunch regular.
222
00:09:00,226 --> 00:09:01,793
JOE: I feel like that's a dad
223
00:09:01,794 --> 00:09:03,662
who's ripped his kid's posters
off the wall.
224
00:09:03,663 --> 00:09:06,131
CLEVELAND: And sleeps in
pajamas buttoned to the top.
225
00:09:06,132 --> 00:09:08,600
JOE: 72-ounce steak contest entrant.
226
00:09:08,601 --> 00:09:11,570
PETER: Drowned-in-the-lake-
last-month Colin Farrell.
227
00:09:11,571 --> 00:09:12,771
All right, that was fun.
228
00:09:12,772 --> 00:09:15,007
Hey, let's do Matthew Perry. I'll start.
229
00:09:15,008 --> 00:09:16,375
He looks like a pelican
230
00:09:16,376 --> 00:09:18,377
trying to swallow a fish that's too big.
231
00:09:18,378 --> 00:09:20,379
JOE: Barn owl in human skin.
232
00:09:20,380 --> 00:09:22,381
CLEVELAND: He looks like he told a genie
233
00:09:22,382 --> 00:09:25,150
- he wished to be a pool noodle.
- QUAGMIRE: Hey, guys?
234
00:09:25,151 --> 00:09:28,449
Friends brings me a lot of joy,
so can we stop this?
235
00:09:39,465 --> 00:09:40,999
♪ Hail to the dog
236
00:09:41,000 --> 00:09:43,502
♪ Every tree in town is mine now ♪
237
00:09:43,503 --> 00:09:45,337
♪ Open the window
238
00:09:45,338 --> 00:09:47,172
♪ I'm gonna bite the air.
239
00:09:47,173 --> 00:09:48,774
(CHOMPING)
240
00:09:48,775 --> 00:09:50,008
(GASPS)
241
00:09:52,812 --> 00:09:55,814
(ENNIO MORRICONE'S "NAVAJO JOE" PLAYING)
242
00:10:03,456 --> 00:10:05,057
What's this?
243
00:10:05,058 --> 00:10:07,693
Well, looks like stolen property
and vandalism, for starters.
244
00:10:07,694 --> 00:10:10,262
Uh, can you hang on?
I'm finishing a phone interview.
245
00:10:10,263 --> 00:10:12,097
And that's why I would never joke
246
00:10:12,098 --> 00:10:14,166
about the Space Shuttle
Challenger tragedy.
247
00:10:14,167 --> 00:10:16,134
I can't believe I said that twice.
248
00:10:16,135 --> 00:10:17,669
Now, how can I help you, Brian?
249
00:10:17,670 --> 00:10:20,038
Why are you doing this?
Why are you running for mayor?
250
00:10:20,039 --> 00:10:22,162
Uh, let me think.
Oh, yeah. Out of spite.
251
00:10:22,163 --> 00:10:23,485
Spite for you.
252
00:10:23,486 --> 00:10:25,210
That's not a reason
to get into politics.
253
00:10:25,211 --> 00:10:27,579
It's the only reason
to get into politics.
254
00:10:27,580 --> 00:10:29,982
Well, you're just wasting your time,
because you're not gonna win.
255
00:10:29,983 --> 00:10:31,149
I don't know about that.
256
00:10:31,150 --> 00:10:32,551
You seem pretty afraid.
257
00:10:32,552 --> 00:10:34,252
(SCOFFS) The only thing I'm afraid of
258
00:10:34,253 --> 00:10:36,622
are fire truck sirens
and things that look like faces.
259
00:10:36,623 --> 00:10:38,268
Fine. See you at the debate.
260
00:10:38,269 --> 00:10:40,058
Fine!
261
00:10:40,059 --> 00:10:41,727
- What are you gonna wear?
- I don't know.
262
00:10:41,728 --> 00:10:44,129
I was thinking, like, a
collared shirt, jacket, no tie.
263
00:10:44,130 --> 00:10:46,932
- Yeah, yeah, no tie.
- Yeah, definitely no tie.
264
00:10:46,933 --> 00:10:48,100
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
265
00:10:49,769 --> 00:10:51,937
That son of a bitch.
266
00:10:51,938 --> 00:10:53,805
Good evening.
I'm Tom Tucker, and I will be
267
00:10:53,806 --> 00:10:55,440
your moderator
for tonight's mayoral debate.
268
00:10:55,441 --> 00:10:57,843
Not because I want to,
but because it counts
269
00:10:57,844 --> 00:10:59,945
as community service
for open-hand smacking
270
00:10:59,946 --> 00:11:01,346
an Uber Eats guy.
271
00:11:01,347 --> 00:11:02,881
Let's meet our candidates.
272
00:11:02,882 --> 00:11:05,569
First, the impeccably-dressed
Glenn Quagmire.
273
00:11:05,570 --> 00:11:07,828
- Thank you, Tom.
- Is that a Windsor knot?
274
00:11:07,829 --> 00:11:09,106
Double Windsor, Tom.
275
00:11:09,107 --> 00:11:10,756
Excellent. Some might describe
276
00:11:10,757 --> 00:11:12,924
that tie as "mayoral."
277
00:11:12,925 --> 00:11:15,661
Next up, we have
super-caj Brian Griffin.
278
00:11:15,662 --> 00:11:17,897
I was gonna wear a tie.
He told me not to.
279
00:11:17,898 --> 00:11:20,299
He's already losing,
and it hasn't started yet.
280
00:11:20,300 --> 00:11:22,501
First question: as candidates for mayor,
281
00:11:22,502 --> 00:11:24,704
how do I put my apps into a folder?
282
00:11:24,705 --> 00:11:26,172
I know how to get them shaky,
283
00:11:26,173 --> 00:11:27,873
I just can't get them in a folder.
284
00:11:27,874 --> 00:11:29,208
You just drag them into each other.
285
00:11:29,209 --> 00:11:30,610
But you know what else is shaky?
286
00:11:30,611 --> 00:11:32,511
My opponent's economic plan.
287
00:11:32,512 --> 00:11:35,314
It's irresponsible for the town
to get two credit cards
288
00:11:35,315 --> 00:11:37,750
and just swap the balance
back and forth each month.
289
00:11:37,751 --> 00:11:40,119
But-but the town would get miles.
290
00:11:40,120 --> 00:11:42,890
Whoa, so I can just name
the folder whatever I want?
291
00:11:42,891 --> 00:11:44,885
"Tom's Stuff."
292
00:11:44,886 --> 00:11:47,827
SOPHIE: Okay, Tom,
we go live in three, two...
293
00:11:47,828 --> 00:11:51,163
Good evening, Quahog, and
welcome to your mayoral debate.
294
00:11:51,164 --> 00:11:54,133
What the... None of that aired?
I was totally winning.
295
00:11:54,134 --> 00:11:55,401
That's okay, we'll recreate it.
296
00:11:55,402 --> 00:11:58,137
Now, Mr. Quagmire,
you're a dirty sex fiend.
297
00:11:58,138 --> 00:12:01,107
Why would you wear a tie
to a casual debate?
298
00:12:01,108 --> 00:12:02,375
Good question, Tom.
299
00:12:02,376 --> 00:12:05,911
And I'll answer that
with one word: pizza!
300
00:12:05,912 --> 00:12:07,747
(CHEERING)
301
00:12:07,748 --> 00:12:09,715
Damn it, he burned me twice.
302
00:12:09,716 --> 00:12:12,118
And, you're not gonna, like,
bring pizza for everyone, right?
303
00:12:12,119 --> 00:12:13,953
No, it's a debate.
They'll have food there.
304
00:12:13,954 --> 00:12:16,255
Right, they' have food there.
Okay, so, no tie, no pizza.
305
00:12:16,256 --> 00:12:18,324
I'll see you there.
306
00:12:21,028 --> 00:12:22,962
Open the door, Quagmire.
307
00:12:22,963 --> 00:12:26,280
Hey, Brian. I was just
emptying my bus garbage.
308
00:12:26,281 --> 00:12:27,667
Would you like to eat it first?
309
00:12:27,668 --> 00:12:29,535
What's the catch?
310
00:12:29,536 --> 00:12:31,297
God, you're a dumb beast.
311
00:12:31,298 --> 00:12:32,872
Come on in.
312
00:12:40,947 --> 00:12:44,216
- Have a seat, Brian.
- I'm fine standing, thank you.
313
00:12:44,217 --> 00:12:46,319
Let's cut the crap. The only
reason you're running is...
314
00:12:46,320 --> 00:12:48,654
- (TIRES SCREECHING)
- to make me look ridiculous.
315
00:12:48,655 --> 00:12:50,189
And I am not just some idiot
316
00:12:50,190 --> 00:12:52,925
to be laughed at
and not taken seriously.
317
00:12:52,926 --> 00:12:54,860
Ha! Sit down, Snoopy.
318
00:12:54,861 --> 00:12:57,163
What did you say?
319
00:12:57,164 --> 00:13:01,901
I said, "Sit, Ubu, sit. Good dog."
320
00:13:01,902 --> 00:13:03,636
You son of a bitch!
321
00:13:04,638 --> 00:13:05,905
(HORN HONKING)
322
00:13:05,906 --> 00:13:09,075
You idiot! He's allergic
to getting hit in the head!
323
00:13:09,076 --> 00:13:10,943
♪
324
00:13:13,780 --> 00:13:15,114
(BOTH SCREAMING)
325
00:13:27,527 --> 00:13:29,528
♪
326
00:13:41,691 --> 00:13:43,358
Oh, my God, we're gonna die!
327
00:13:43,359 --> 00:13:45,594
Calm down, Brian. This bus has OnStar.
328
00:13:45,595 --> 00:13:47,596
WOMAN: OnStar roadside assistance.
329
00:13:47,597 --> 00:13:50,099
Yes, our bus went over a cliff.
We need help.
330
00:13:50,100 --> 00:13:51,467
Glenn?
331
00:13:51,468 --> 00:13:53,836
I-Is this Glenn Quagmire?
332
00:13:53,837 --> 00:13:55,504
Yes, sweetheart. Hi, who's this?
333
00:13:55,505 --> 00:13:58,956
It's Melissa. From the Ramada Inn.
334
00:13:58,957 --> 00:14:00,008
Oh.
335
00:14:00,009 --> 00:14:03,378
The Framingham Ramada Inn
or the Cranston Ramada Inn?
336
00:14:03,379 --> 00:14:04,913
Cranston.
337
00:14:04,914 --> 00:14:06,448
Oh, yeah, we're gonna die.
338
00:14:14,971 --> 00:14:17,139
(STRAINS): I think my leg is broken.
339
00:14:17,140 --> 00:14:20,008
Oh, my God, how are we gonna
get down from here?
340
00:14:21,077 --> 00:14:23,145
- You think he's dead?
- I don't know.
341
00:14:23,146 --> 00:14:25,301
Hey. Hey, buddy?
342
00:14:25,302 --> 00:14:26,481
(WHISTLES)
343
00:14:26,482 --> 00:14:29,618
- What's his name?
- Uh, it's something Spanishy.
344
00:14:29,619 --> 00:14:31,620
I-I think it starts with a "G"?
345
00:14:31,621 --> 00:14:34,356
G-Gerr, G-Ga, Goo...
346
00:14:34,357 --> 00:14:37,592
Goo, Goo-gar... Goo-gardo.
G... Yeah, that's it, Googardo.
347
00:14:37,593 --> 00:14:38,994
That doesn't sound like any name.
348
00:14:38,995 --> 00:14:40,629
Well, sure it does. Googardo?
349
00:14:40,630 --> 00:14:42,464
Say something if you're okay, Googardo.
350
00:14:42,465 --> 00:14:44,966
The more you say it, the more
it doesn't sound like anything.
351
00:14:44,967 --> 00:14:48,417
Googardo? Move something
if you're alive, Googardo.
352
00:14:55,511 --> 00:14:58,380
- Oh, my God!
- Oh, look, there's his jacket.
353
00:14:58,381 --> 00:15:00,215
Oh, yeah, his name was Frank.
354
00:15:00,216 --> 00:15:03,585
I can't believe this. I'm gonna
die with Glenn Quagmire.
355
00:15:03,586 --> 00:15:06,454
Hey, dying with Glenn Quagmire
was good enough for Googardo.
356
00:15:06,455 --> 00:15:08,623
Vaya con Dios, Googy.
357
00:15:08,624 --> 00:15:10,292
Please don't use the familiar form
358
00:15:10,293 --> 00:15:12,561
of a guy's name you never knew.
359
00:15:16,732 --> 00:15:19,034
What was I thinking getting
on this bus with you?
360
00:15:19,035 --> 00:15:22,304
It was dumber than when Peter
hired that raccoon accountant.
361
00:15:22,305 --> 00:15:23,939
PETER: All right, well,
you're the money guy.
362
00:15:23,940 --> 00:15:27,482
Let's put it all in
to slightly-open trash cans.
363
00:15:35,551 --> 00:15:37,219
You have anything to eat in here?
364
00:15:37,220 --> 00:15:38,553
Yeah, there's some edible underwear
365
00:15:38,554 --> 00:15:39,721
in that bag over there.
366
00:15:39,722 --> 00:15:41,256
Ugh, isn't there anything else?
367
00:15:41,257 --> 00:15:43,892
I have a ball of peanut butter
with a pill inside.
368
00:15:43,893 --> 00:15:46,676
Hmm, wish you hadn't told me
about the pill.
369
00:15:51,901 --> 00:15:53,435
(SNIFFING)
370
00:15:55,170 --> 00:15:57,568
You know, this underwear's not bad.
371
00:15:57,569 --> 00:15:59,541
Are they for your political groupies?
372
00:15:59,542 --> 00:16:00,875
No, these-these are men's.
373
00:16:00,876 --> 00:16:02,344
They're-they're mine.
374
00:16:04,480 --> 00:16:07,682
Quagmire, why did you
even want to be mayor?
375
00:16:07,683 --> 00:16:10,619
Honestly? I just want
a street named after me.
376
00:16:10,620 --> 00:16:12,187
I think that's kind of cool.
377
00:16:12,188 --> 00:16:14,055
Actually, that is kind of cool.
378
00:16:14,056 --> 00:16:15,557
Why did you want to be mayor?
379
00:16:15,558 --> 00:16:19,461
Mayor West told me he went
to 65 pancake breakfasts a year.
380
00:16:19,462 --> 00:16:22,467
That number... That-that stuck with mat
381
00:16:22,468 --> 00:16:24,799
What, like, the...
like, the pancakes were free?
382
00:16:24,800 --> 00:16:27,269
- Yeah.
- 65.
383
00:16:27,270 --> 00:16:29,537
That-That's, like, pancakes
every Saturday morning
384
00:16:29,538 --> 00:16:30,872
and probably some Sundays.
385
00:16:30,873 --> 00:16:33,108
And sometimes it's, like,
kids making the pancakes,
386
00:16:33,109 --> 00:16:34,876
and-and you get these mondo huge ones.
387
00:16:34,877 --> 00:16:36,578
Wow.
388
00:16:36,579 --> 00:16:38,747
Probably no
chocolate chip pancakes, though.
389
00:16:38,748 --> 00:16:41,082
Are you kidding me?
65 a year, you're gonna get
390
00:16:41,083 --> 00:16:43,418
at least eight to ten
chocolate chip pancake events.
391
00:16:43,419 --> 00:16:45,186
- You think eight to ten?
- Yes.
392
00:16:45,187 --> 00:16:47,889
And now that I say it out loud,
eight to ten sounds low.
393
00:16:47,890 --> 00:16:50,392
So, pancakes is why
you wanted to be mayor?
394
00:16:50,393 --> 00:16:53,762
Well, pancakes and...
look at the people in our town.
395
00:16:53,763 --> 00:16:55,730
- Who else is gonna do it?
- I know.
396
00:16:55,731 --> 00:16:57,666
This is such a garbage town.
397
00:16:57,667 --> 00:16:59,701
You know, when you think about it,
398
00:16:59,702 --> 00:17:02,103
we're really
the only two viable candidates.
399
00:17:02,104 --> 00:17:03,538
I mean, you're a pilot.
400
00:17:03,539 --> 00:17:05,473
You're responsible for people's lives.
401
00:17:05,474 --> 00:17:06,808
You make quick decisions.
402
00:17:06,809 --> 00:17:09,577
Or the machinery in the plane
makes quick decisions.
403
00:17:09,578 --> 00:17:11,513
M-My point is, you're a smart guy.
404
00:17:11,514 --> 00:17:13,515
Thank you.
405
00:17:13,516 --> 00:17:16,284
And now you say something nice about me.
406
00:17:16,285 --> 00:17:19,187
- Like what?
- Like I'm good company,
407
00:17:19,188 --> 00:17:20,555
and I'm smart and funny,
408
00:17:20,556 --> 00:17:22,624
and I'm invited
to all your pool parties.
409
00:17:22,625 --> 00:17:25,794
And I should just come over
if I hear one of them going on.
410
00:17:25,795 --> 00:17:27,162
No, thank you.
411
00:17:27,163 --> 00:17:28,797
But... but you have to.
412
00:17:28,798 --> 00:17:30,432
I'm not gonna say something I don't mean
413
00:17:30,433 --> 00:17:32,167
just because your ego needs to hear it.
414
00:17:32,168 --> 00:17:34,502
See? That's why I ran against you.
415
00:17:34,503 --> 00:17:36,871
Because I know that's the only
reason you were doing this.
416
00:17:36,872 --> 00:17:38,773
You're a complete tool!
417
00:17:38,774 --> 00:17:40,442
WOMAN: You do sound like kind of a tool.
418
00:17:40,443 --> 00:17:43,345
See? Even Melissa from OnStar
thinks you're a tool.
419
00:17:43,346 --> 00:17:45,080
You've been listening this whole time?
420
00:17:45,081 --> 00:17:47,182
There's nothing to do at OnStar.
421
00:17:47,183 --> 00:17:48,550
People have iPhones now.
422
00:17:48,551 --> 00:17:51,453
I just listen in to cars.
Sometimes there's sex.
423
00:17:51,454 --> 00:17:53,922
Screw this. We just got
to get out of this bus.
424
00:17:53,923 --> 00:17:56,024
Regardless of what we think
of each other,
425
00:17:56,025 --> 00:17:57,792
this is no way for us to die.
426
00:17:57,793 --> 00:17:59,494
I'm gonna try and climb up to the street
427
00:17:59,495 --> 00:18:01,663
- and see if I can get help.
- Just be careful.
428
00:18:01,664 --> 00:18:03,598
I don't know how stable this thing is.
429
00:18:04,633 --> 00:18:06,000
(GRUNTS)
430
00:18:11,173 --> 00:18:12,507
(GRUNTS)
431
00:18:12,508 --> 00:18:14,642
Oh, my God.
You just got hit in the throat
432
00:18:14,643 --> 00:18:16,010
with a gentleman's dildo.
433
00:18:16,011 --> 00:18:18,046
- Hey, Melissa.
- What? What happened?
434
00:18:18,047 --> 00:18:20,849
He got hit in the throat
with a gentleman's dildo.
435
00:18:20,850 --> 00:18:23,017
(LAUGHS) See,
436
00:18:23,018 --> 00:18:24,886
this is why I listen.
437
00:18:26,522 --> 00:18:28,923
♪
438
00:18:28,924 --> 00:18:30,392
(GRUNTING)
439
00:18:46,475 --> 00:18:48,042
(QUAGMIRE GRUNTS)
440
00:18:48,043 --> 00:18:49,210
(BOTH SCREAM)
441
00:18:56,919 --> 00:18:59,587
♪
442
00:18:59,588 --> 00:19:01,189
Mayor West?
443
00:19:13,602 --> 00:19:15,270
(GRUNTING)
444
00:19:19,041 --> 00:19:20,642
Hey, guys. Don't mind me.
445
00:19:20,643 --> 00:19:23,344
I'm gonna go steal
that bus driver's identity.
446
00:19:23,345 --> 00:19:26,081
The Celtics are free money tonight!
447
00:19:32,022 --> 00:19:34,757
Well, Lois, you almost had
a female president.
448
00:19:34,758 --> 00:19:36,259
I almost had a dog mayor.
449
00:19:36,260 --> 00:19:38,161
I can't believe
they canceled the election
450
00:19:38,162 --> 00:19:40,863
after they thought Brian
and Mr. Quagmire were dead.
451
00:19:40,864 --> 00:19:43,199
Does that mean we still need a mayor?
452
00:19:43,200 --> 00:19:44,801
ANNOUNCER: It sure does, America.
453
00:19:44,802 --> 00:19:47,370
Who do you think should be
the next mayor of Quahog.
454
00:19:47,371 --> 00:19:50,540
Register your votes
at fox.com/family-guy.
455
00:19:50,541 --> 00:19:52,208
Your votes don't count. It's a trick.
456
00:19:52,209 --> 00:19:55,411
- They're just tracking your data.
- No, it's not. No, it's not.
457
00:19:55,412 --> 00:19:58,047
Is Mr. Quagmire okay after the accident?
458
00:19:58,048 --> 00:20:01,551
Yeah, he's fine. He's having one
of his private pool parties.
459
00:20:04,688 --> 00:20:06,289
(WHISPERING):
Hey, girls. Thanks for coming.
460
00:20:06,290 --> 00:20:08,858
Is your voice still broken
from the accident?
461
00:20:08,859 --> 00:20:10,526
No, no, I-I'm just trying to be quiet.
462
00:20:10,527 --> 00:20:11,894
Grab yourself a drink.
463
00:20:11,895 --> 00:20:13,696
I'm gonna have some chips first.
464
00:20:13,697 --> 00:20:15,031
No, no, no!
465
00:20:15,032 --> 00:20:18,067
Is that a pool party I hear?
466
00:20:19,103 --> 00:20:21,270
Cannonball!
467
00:20:21,271 --> 00:20:23,840
And that was the moment I remembered...
468
00:20:23,841 --> 00:20:25,875
Quagmire doesn't have a swimming pool.
469
00:20:26,877 --> 00:20:28,878
(GROANING)
470
00:20:33,584 --> 00:20:35,451
ADAM WEST: I want to be a mayor
471
00:20:35,452 --> 00:20:37,120
in real life.
472
00:20:37,121 --> 00:20:38,921
So I'm here to ask you
473
00:20:38,922 --> 00:20:41,157
to make me the mayor of your town.
474
00:20:41,158 --> 00:20:43,159
Vote for me, Adam West.
475
00:20:43,160 --> 00:20:46,729
It'll be a home run.
476
00:20:46,730 --> 00:20:48,731
Ugh.
477
00:20:52,069 --> 00:20:54,570
It'll be a home run.
478
00:20:55,572 --> 00:20:57,607
- Pow!
- (CHEERING)
479
00:21:00,936 --> 00:21:04,936
- Synced and corrected by AlexandreMT -
- www.addic7ed.com -
36311
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.