Original subtitles

[Evelyn] What are you guys looking at?

I wonder if they'll have their own Sweet Jane.

I think she's an Eve Life exclusive.

Do you think that Eve Life is just for angry, old women?

Angry, old, white women.

Sorry, Evelyn.

Just make sure you include some notes from your man.

It's important to get the male perspective.

Is it?

Oh, Margaret, it's lovely to see you again.

Yes. Enchante. It's a pleasure.

Do you want my investment?

I'm not going to use Eve Life

to shame women for their choices.

I'm just not going to. That's not what we do here.

Maybe we did waste each other's time.

Yeah, I'm Erika. I'm a librarian at Addy's school.

Sorry, I thought this was Jon's night.

Still not following.

He hasn't told you.

I will give him a call.

["Where U At?" by 1200 Techniques playing]

[car accelerating]

[gasping] Straighten up a bit.

- Mum! - Sorry.

It's good, it's good. You're doing well.

How's Vivian?

She's good.

Do you know much about how the engine works?

Not really, no.

You have to warm it up a bit.

You have to know when to speed up,

when to pull back.

Don't look at me, look at the road.

- [tyres squeal] - [Evelyn] Fuck!

[Alex] Can I get a proper lesson, please?

My test is next week.

I'm a very good teacher, Alex,

and I would really like to be able to talk to you openly

about... engines.

Can we please change the subject?

How's your father? Happy?

He seems happy enough.

More than usual?

Is Erika around much?

I can't believe I'm saying this,

but can you get your mind off sex,

and focus on safety?

- Watch out, cyclist. Lycra! - Geez, Mum.

[man] Watch where you're going!

You have to watch those ones. Idiots.

Just make sure you always wear a seatbelt, okay?

Okay, Mum.

And if you burst a tyre in the middle of it,

there's a pill for that.

[song continues]

It's very juvenile.

- [Sylvie] Your jealousy? - No, this ball.

Actually all your props,

and making me take my shoes off

so I'm grounded to the Earth.

Honestly, if I knew you were so new age, I would...

I'm middle aged, I'm not new age.

Keep bouncing.

I'm feeling very confused.

I have all these feelings about Jon dating,

and I just don't have time for it.

What's confusing?

We've, we've split up -

he signed divorce papers, we live apart.

I mean, why, why am I so bothered by it?

What do you think?

I think you pay me to sit here

and generate intelligent thoughts,

which I do, by the way.

Lots of them.

I think it's the finality of it all.

Evelyn, what would you say if I told you

that he might not love you anymore?

I'd be devastated,

betrayed and hurt.

Well, do you want to get back together?

God, no.

Well, let's frame his moving on as a positive then.

[angelic music]

He deserves to be happy.

[Sylvie] Do you deserve to be happy?

[pensive music]

[Sylvie] Time's up.

[Evelyn] We need some life around here.

- We're subleasing to a tech firm. - What space?

That space down the back where they're taking the foosball.

No, what tech space?

Oh, I don't know, something to do with digital cash.

And when I say firm, I mean start up.

Where did you find them?

Peter.

What are they paying? In real cash?

Oh, yes. We would need to decide that.

- Oh, God, Evelyn. - [man] Who's bike is this?

[Paul] Oh, I'm bike.

Paul Bowen Bike...

Paul Bowen Clark, that's my bike.

[man] I'm going to let you keep working on that.

- Yep. - Can you move it, buddy?

- Sure thing. - Thanks, man.

Help.

New tenants?

Yeah, this is...

Uh, what's your start up called?

- Spec Points. - Spec Points, that's right.

And you are?

- Hugo. - Liam.

And that beast over there is Ryan.

Ah. Well, welcome boys,

if there's anything you need, just let us know.

Yeah, anything you need just let us know.

And, um, I'll ask Guy to hook you up

with the wi-fi.

Already in.

Oh.

[table crashes]

Caliente.

Do I need to change the wi-fi?

Why, 'cause they hacked it?

Weren't you going to give it to them anyway?

Yes. I'm confused.

Did they hack? Are they hackers?

What's with the frat boys?

- They're hot spacing. - They're kind of cute.

Thought we could do with some male energy around here.

[Paul] What?

Oh, sorry Paul, you know what I mean.

No, I don't know what you mean.

Yeah. They look handsy.

Six hands all together.

Do I need to read them the code of conduct?

Definitely, the hunk slapped me.

They're joining the wi-fi, not the company.

Just don't scare them off.

You know, in some cultures,

bicycles are actually seen as a sign of potency.

Oh, shut up, Paul.

Come on guys, 'Whoman's probably

10 posts ahead of us by now.

That man spanked my arse.

["Ratchet" by Bloc Party playing]

# Who got the beat this time? #

# Who got the beat-beat down? # Tell it, tell it #

# Who got the beat this time? #

# Keep it hundred #

# What you going to show me, fam #

# What you going to show me, bro #

# That ain't me done You want a word with me #

You want to tell me some #

# And tell your bitch to get off my shit #

# Smoking on that home-rolled #

[Helen] Evelyn, a moment?

Yes, Helen.

I wanted to talk to you too.

I hear things didn't go well with Margaret.

No.

She was very disagreeable.

But that's what I wanted to talk to you about.

She's a 'no'.

Advertising revenue is down because of 'Whoman'.

Yeah, but traffic is up,

and this is just a temporary shift

that is going to turn around - we're going to bounce back.

We are a long way from this month's revenue targets.

To bounce back you need to be very bouncy.

I will be, and I've got a plan.

Can you send Paul in?

Yeah, sure.

[Helen] Paul!

Helen said you were pretending to have a plan.

I need you to do a hard sell

while I keep looking for a partner.

Oh.

What are you looking for in a partner?

Broad shoulders, sense of humour?

- Six foot? - A business partner, bozo.

Someone with deep pockets and no values - a finance person.

I do have an 'Ask Adam' post that I really want to do.

Maybe you should ask Adam if we can afford

to keep that going.

Yeah, I will.

I know he'll say 'yes'.

- [sighing] - [gentle music]

[tense music]

[sighing] Let it motivate you.

Let it motivate you.

Fuck!

Any ideas?

[laughs] Has anyone seen the 'Whoman' story

on their Reader profile?

The Whoman Woman?

Yeah, that's the one.

Like that's the modern woman.

[Opal] Well it doesn't claim that. It's a 'Whoman' woman.

Kind of smart actually.

[Lily] It's very glam, I kind of dig it.

How do they have a Reader profile so quickly?

It's like, Cate with 'C' took months to perfect.

It's just style over substance - soulless air.

Penny, say something cutting and funny

to make me feel better.

Ah, they're a bit shit.

- Okay. - It's true.

Well, what are we doing today?

Plastic Celebs - a bit mean.

Punching up, not down.

All our plastic celebs have been nominated for Oscars.

What's that?

Oh, there's a renewed push for GMO labelling...

Got it.

I mean I just don't know what I've got to do

to come up with an original idea.

I've got to find it myself I suppose, do I?

Is this, is this who we are?

It's who we were yesterday.

Pen, are you with us today?

Yeah, sorry. Uh...

You just don't seem like your usual droll,

deeply sarcastic self.

- Are you all right? - Yeah.

I'm just distracted by all this marriage equality stuff

in the U.S. right now.

I feel like I'm not being straight with my readers.

Oh, you're not opposed to it, are you?

No, no.

Okay, I am being straight with them,

like really straight with them.

You've completely lost me.

I want to come out to my readers.

Oh, come out.

Oh, I didn't know you were in.

Surprise.

But you write about Dear Husband.

Yeah, it was a cover up.

I don't know why, I just thought you wouldn't want

a gay parenting editor.

Oh, no, I don't mind.

I love it.

Well, I owe it to them.

No, you don't owe them anything.

I mean if you want to do it, do it for yourself.

Okay.

Thanks, Ev.

Ev, I thought you'd want to know that the tech boys

have eaten all the crunchy peanut butter.

Did you know Penny was gay?

Yes.

Did you hear me? The entire jar.

You're feeling insecure, Paul.

Well what are you going to do, reprimand them, or?

[Jon] Hey, it's just me, is there a package for me?

What's going on?

That is my cold press juice delivery.

- What's all this? - You don't have to get stabby.

I'm happy to share my juice with you.

You're a running cliche.

Leave some space for me, please - for my wine.

More.

[bottle clinks]

More.

[bottle clinks]

This is about Erika isn't it?

Look, I would have told you, the thing is it's just,

it's not that serious.

We're not even divorced.

That's because you haven't posted the papers.

Yeah, but why don't you post them?

This is both our place.

[Jon] I know it is.

Well we need to set some boundaries.

I'm appalled that you've brought a woman

into our family home without me having met her first.

Yeah, well like you said, Ev, this is both our place, okay?

Mine too. And I wasn't aware

that I had to run everything by you.

Besides, she's the school librarian.

Okay, she's like a notch below being a nun.

Doesn't look like a nun.

She hasn't even stayed the night.

[gentle music]

I mean, is it even allowed?

At work we have a code of conduct.

Oh, come on.

Paul was desperate to ask Opal out,

and I said 'no'.

Can you please put the knife down.

[knife clattering]

We have to find a way of making this work.

How would you feel, if I was seeing someone?

Well are you?

No.

I'd be happy for you. I think you should.

Unlike you I'm enjoying my own company.

I think your company's just fine.

I meant I'm okay with being alone.

Right, sorry.

I mean, I even talk to myself sometimes,

especially in the car.

And honestly, I make some pretty solid points.

Well that's great Ev, maybe you should record that.

[bottles clink]

A one-on-one with yourself.

[pensive music]

Maybe I will.

- Yes. - Do you know what...

I want everyone's full attention for this.

Opal?

Oh, sorry, this is content, can I post it?

Okay, quickly.

Looks like great content.

It is. Thigh gaps.

Thigh gaps? What, so everyone who's not a mermaid?

- How's Ask Adam? - I'm glad you asked Adam.

It's going really well,

I got three new reader submissions today.

Okay, guys, that's enough.

So, this whole 'Whoman' woman situation

reminded me of something.

Something that I may have lost focus of

over the last few weeks.

They may be able to outspend us,

but what have we got that they haven't?

Um, frat boys?

No. Well, yes, but no.

- You? - Well yeah, we have me, but...

What else?

- Cate? - No.

You, us, our ideas.

What they can't do is outthink us.

Now we have to do what we've always done,

we have to pioneer a new territory.

We've been talking about podcasting,

and I think now is exactly the right time.

Have our voices heard in a whole new way.

Let's generate some show ideas.

We could even have some fun puns.

[Penny] You hate puns.

I've changed my pun-sition.

- [Paul laughs] - [Penny chuckles]

Well, I like them if they're smart

and they make sense.

Opal Mines - the best of what to watch, wear, read and eat.

Beauty Spots -

beauty trends and natural remedies.

Love it.

And Pen?

Um, I'm crap at this.

How about 'Penny For Your Thoughts'?

Yes, where you can talk about parenting trends

and identities.

So, they don't all have to be puns, guys.

Okay, what about 'Socially Unconscious'?

Or the 'Digital Feminist' -

keeping feminism alive in the modern world.

- [Paul] Really good. - Hm.

Now let's think about setting up a little studio.

Yeah, should I get Helen in? Budget?

No, don't bother her. No.

Where should we set it up?

Somewhere quiet, sound proofed.

No.

But you said that you love sitting at the communal table

because you don't want to miss out on anything.

No I didn't.

Come on, Paul, you're always going on about

how sound proofed it is.

And I'm sick of you gloating

about having your own office anyway.

Thank you, Paul, that's wonderful.

- [Penny] Good on you, Paul. - [Opal] Thank you, Paul.

[Paul] Evelyn, can I have a chat to you?

In my office.

[dramatic music]

[Evelyn] Literally just parking now.

[Evelyn pants]

I'm sorry. I know, I know.

You missed maths.

Oh, wow, same class I used to skip

when I was in high school.

Oh, I'll take French, I can get by conversationally.

You can order a kilo of pears, that doesn't count.

[Evelyn speaking French]

Okay, I'm going to take science,

we'll meet up later in PDH, all right?

- Okay. - [Lucy] Hi guys. - [Evelyn] Hi.

This is like academic speed dating.

Come over for a drink after, I'm parched already.

Oh yeah, okay. I'll text you when we're done.

Where's Daniel?

Oh, he's bribing the science teacher with some legal advice.

- Ophelia's failing already. - Oh...

- I'm concerned about Addy. - [Evelyn] Hmm...

Is there anything going on at home

that I should know about?

No, nothing at all.

Well we're getting a divorce,

and the separation is still fresh,

but you already knew that, didn't you, Cathy?

Yeah. Annabelle told the whole faculty.

- Oh. - She has a massive mouth.

Well, everything we do is for the children,

I mean even separating.

We weren't modelling a healthy relationship, Cathy.

And we were fighting a lot.

That's an interesting way to frame

me being yelled at a lot. [laughs]

I wasn't fighting with myself. [laughs]

Anyway, we just woke up one day and we wanted different things.

Jon was winding down, I was winding up.

You were definitely wound up.

[laughing]

But seriously I do think we're doing a better job

at presenting as a functional partnership, but separated.

- Hm. - Yeah.

- Partners in divorce. - Hmm.

[Cathy] Can we get back to Addy?

I'll have a chat to her

about not challenging the teachers.

In the meantime, can you please stop telling her

to question authority all the time?

I didn't mean literally.

Do you think she's exploring her sexuality?

I wonder whether that's why

she's struggling with her friends.

I hate to think she can't talk to us.

Yeah, me too.

I wish someone had warned us

about how much parenting involves frantic speculation

about your kids having sex.

Enjoy your night off. I'll see ya Sunday.

Mm-hmm, see you then.

- [Jon] Hey. - Hey.

[footsteps thud]

- How are ya? - Good, how are you?

[Jon] Pretty good.

[gentle music]

- Is it serious? - I don't know.

She certainly is.

Did you know about this?

Well, you know, men don't really gossip

the same way that women do.

We just deal with what's directly in front of us.

Shut up.

So I guess, it's over.

He's, he's, he's literally having sex with someone else.

Um, can I just remind you that you actually left him?

Remember, moving out?

Thanks, thanks for the reminder, Dan.

Anyway, on top of that,

our kids don't even want to spend time with us anymore.

Yours are older, it's normal Ev.

I hated my mother.

Yeah, same.

I don't know what it is,

I just, uh, I feel a bit wobbly. It doesn't matter.

I'm just tired, always tired.

Let's change the subject.

How's the hiatus going? You bored yet?

No, I'm loving puttering around our lovely new home.

I signed up for pole dancing.

- Have you? - Mm.

Hm, how stimulating.

I hope you appreciate all of this.

It doesn't help me, we don't have a pole in the bedroom.

[Lucy] I've just spent so much time in my head.

When you intellectualise everything

it's easy to become disconnected.

You think sliding up and down a pole's going to fix that?

I don't know, makes me feel younger. You should come.

I can't. My hips don't rotate like a normal person's does.

I haven't had sex for...

- Oh, okay, thanks, that's enough. - [kids shouting]

[Lucy] I, um, I better tell the kids

that it's time for bed. Be back in a minute.

- Hey, um... - Ugh...

I need your help.

You remember the Tinder mishap?

The one-off, mishap?

Well it was more like a four-off, but anyway...

Why am I not surprised?

She's been harassing me, like really badly,

calling three, four times a day.

She even sends nudes. Here, look, I'll show you.

I don't want to see. Okay, show me.

It's a still photo,

but you really get a sense of movement.

I need you to talk to her, woman to woman,

like, get her to back off.

Why don't you get fucked?

You made your own bed, multiple times,

you lie in it.

This would destroy Lucy.

Please.

I'm going to text you her number, okay?

[Lucy] The kids are in our bed,

you might want to sleep on the couch again tonight.

Great.

[footsteps thud]

Hello?! I'm home.

[door closes]

Uh, hi.

- [Addy] Hi, Mum. - Hi, darling.

You want to watch something?

Oh, um, I was just going to head to bed.

[Evelyn] Okay, night.

- I love you. - [door closes]

You should be you, on the site.

You should always be you

because you're bloody brilliant.

I think you should share your story.

[Penny] I'm just worried about the fall out, you know?

It's pretty controversial, some people ain't too keen on...

Fuck 'em.

Anyway, I think they're ready.

And if there're not we'll bring them along with us.

I'd be honoured for it to be Eve's first podcast.

Just make sure you enunciate.

[Penny] Okay, I'll get writing. Thanks Ev, see you tomorrow.

Bye, Pen.

[gentle music]

[Jeet] ...with a mic that plugs into the laptop

and we made a sound proof fort.

Oh, wow.

Oh I love it.

Wow, how exciting.

Oh, a new frontier for 'Eve Life'.

We can really connect with our audience.

Mixing console, those fancy little desk mics,

production value, that can all come later.

[Jeet] Okay.

- It's cool in here. - Yeah.

- Alright, that's for you. - Thank you.

- [Jeet] Alright. - [Penny] Cool.

Evelyn told me to remind you to...

Enunciate, I know.

Okay.

[Jeet] Hello, listeners,

welcome to 'Eve Life's very first podcast,

I'm Jeet Achari, thrilled to be here

as your digital feminist...

Thank you, Jeet. Should we get on with it?

- Yeah. - Yeah.

Hello world.

Uh, welcome to The Honest Mother,

a place where you can have messy conversations

about parenting.

I'm Penny Wilson, your host, uh,

but before you get honest with me,

I've got Jeet here who will help me get honest with you.

- Hi. - [chuckles]

So, Penny, we were talking the other day

about how there's a part of yourself

that you haven't shared with 'Eve Life's audience before.

Yeah.

Uh, okay, here goes. [clears throat]

I'm a mum, I'm a writer, I am allergic to mangoes,

and I'm gay.

For the past couple of years I've been writing online,

and I've always omitted that part of myself, my identity.

Why do you think that is, Pen?

I just got used to not expressing my sexuality.

I was worried that people wouldn't value my voice

in the same way that they would a straight writer.

I still worry about that actually.

But, I'm hoping that it's all worth it

because I don't want to hide anymore.

[Penny] Oh, we've run out of time.

That was a lot to get off my chest,

but thank you for listening.

And I can't wait to share more with you.

See you next week on 'The Honest Mother'.

- It's so good, Penny. - Really?

Did you... Are you crying?

No! I may have a stinging sensation

around the rims of my eyes.

I only cry at videos of children hearing for the first time.

[Penny] Okay.

Are you feeling good?

Yeah.

["All I Know" by Washed Out playing]

# I can see your face on the wall #

That's it, we have entered the world of podcasting.

- Yes! - [all cheering]

Good riddance 'Dear Husband', you have died a brutal death.

- How'd he die? - Choked on a sausage.

Alright, now we need to direct our readers to listen.

Go and write some stories.

# In the silence I hear your fading call #

# In your eyes I see and feel it all #

[song fades]

[door knocking]

Have you seen the comments on Penny's podcast?

Oh, don't tell me.

People don't want parenting advice from a lesbian.

I know the world's still fundamentally homophobic,

you know that, I know that.

I mean - none the wiser.

Penny!

Poor thing. I'll tell Guy to take it down.

I've probably pushed the podcast a bit much.

No, they're positive. Everyone's loving it.

Are they? Fantastic.

Well, that's fantastic. That's very gay.

You called?

Yeah. You look great.

I've had a slew of hot date offers.

Oh...

I've got a babysitter, a new lipstick

and a late start tomorrow.

[Jeet] You should be careful going on dates with strangers.

[Penny] Oh Jeetie, women tend to look out for each other.

["All I Know" by Washed Out continues playing]

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