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Terrible Tudors, gorgeous Georgians
Slimy Stuarts, vile Victorians
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00:00:04,440 --> 00:00:07,000
Woeful wars, ferocious fights
Dingy castles, daring knights
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00:00:07,000 --> 00:00:09,720
Horrors that defy description
Cut-throat Celts, awful Egyptians
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00:00:09,720 --> 00:00:12,480
Vicious Vikings, cruel crimes
Punishment from ancient times
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00:00:12,480 --> 00:00:15,040
Romans, rotten, rank and ruthless
Cavemen, savage, fierce and toothless
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00:00:15,040 --> 00:00:18,040
Groovy Greeks, brainy sages
Mean and measly Middle Ages
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00:00:18,040 --> 00:00:20,760
Gory stories, we do that
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And your host, a talking rat
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The past is no longer a mystery
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00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:27,520
Welcome to...
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00:00:27,520 --> 00:00:31,880
Horrible Histories.
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Horrible Histories presents...
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00:00:40,480 --> 00:00:44,200
Now, if you watch one song contest
this year,
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00:00:44,200 --> 00:00:47,760
make sure
it's the Eurovision Song Contest.
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00:00:47,760 --> 00:00:50,240
But if you watch two song contests,
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00:00:50,240 --> 00:00:53,560
then you need to watch
the Rat-O-Vision song contest.
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00:00:53,560 --> 00:00:54,640
You do!
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CLEARS THROAT
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00:00:55,800 --> 00:00:59,560
So please welcome your host,
Rattus Rattus!
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00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:03,680
Welcome to the first-ever
Rat-O-Vision Song Contest.
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00:01:03,680 --> 00:01:06,440
It's a feast for the eyes and ears
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00:01:06,440 --> 00:01:08,680
and an absolute disaster
for the nose.
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LAUGHTER
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Yes. In this competition,
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historical celebrities from around
the world sing their hearts out
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00:01:16,120 --> 00:01:21,040
in a bid to win our coveted
Rat-O-Vision trophy.
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00:01:21,040 --> 00:01:24,000
And to kick us off
with an absolute banger
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00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:27,040
it's America's entry,
sung by Thomas Edison.
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00:01:27,040 --> 00:01:29,760
Tom's written a song about
the things he's invented,
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but he had to cut the song
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down after the dress rehearsal
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because it listed
all of his 1,000 plus
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00:01:35,160 --> 00:01:36,760
registered inventions.
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00:01:36,760 --> 00:01:39,440
The song was over four hours long.
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00:01:39,440 --> 00:01:42,840
Just the highlights, please, Tom.
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00:01:42,840 --> 00:01:44,960
TO THE TUNE OF:
Smells Like Teen Spirit by Nirvana
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00:01:47,360 --> 00:01:51,600
Look round your house
at all the things
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00:01:51,600 --> 00:01:55,640
The light that shines
The phone that rings
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00:01:55,640 --> 00:01:57,680
The sounds you like
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00:01:57,680 --> 00:01:59,840
The things you view
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00:01:59,840 --> 00:02:03,960
I had a hand in all you do
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00:02:03,960 --> 00:02:08,080
Oh, who am I?
The light bulb guy
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00:02:08,080 --> 00:02:10,880
You'd be surprised
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00:02:10,880 --> 00:02:13,160
Thomas Edison
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00:02:13,160 --> 00:02:14,960
The inventor
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Of light bulb illuminator
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Movie studio
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Black Maria
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00:02:23,160 --> 00:02:25,000
Kinetoscope
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Movie camera
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Phonograph
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00:02:29,200 --> 00:02:31,120
Voice recorder
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00:02:31,120 --> 00:02:35,320
And the network electric power
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00:02:35,320 --> 00:02:36,360
All me
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I said I'd make a new design
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Every ten days
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00:02:46,960 --> 00:02:49,320
They weren't all mine
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00:02:49,320 --> 00:02:53,200
I paid for help from other minds
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00:02:53,200 --> 00:02:55,560
To bump the numbers
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00:02:55,560 --> 00:02:57,240
Never mind
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00:02:57,240 --> 00:02:59,400
With Graham Bell's phone
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00:02:59,400 --> 00:03:03,240
I did tell him what you should say
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00:03:03,240 --> 00:03:05,480
When the thing rings
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00:03:05,480 --> 00:03:09,720
I disagreed with old Bell boy
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I said, "Hello"
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00:03:11,880 --> 00:03:13,840
He said, "Ahoy"
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00:03:13,840 --> 00:03:19,160
Ahoy, ahoy, ahoy, ahoy, ahoy
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00:03:19,160 --> 00:03:20,840
Imagine that
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00:03:20,840 --> 00:03:24,920
Thomas Edison, the inventor
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00:03:24,920 --> 00:03:28,960
The vitascope, the projector
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00:03:28,960 --> 00:03:33,080
Mimeograph - kind of printer
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00:03:33,080 --> 00:03:35,040
Electric pens
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00:03:35,040 --> 00:03:37,040
Not a winner
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00:03:37,040 --> 00:03:39,080
With the lights on
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00:03:39,080 --> 00:03:41,120
It's less dangerous
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00:03:41,120 --> 00:03:43,560
Yes, my light bulb
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Made me famous
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00:03:45,400 --> 00:03:46,440
Yeah!
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00:03:50,400 --> 00:03:52,440
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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00:03:52,440 --> 00:03:55,960
Wow. Who knew
Edison could sing like that?
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00:03:55,960 --> 00:03:58,200
He sure has got some pipes -
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00:03:58,200 --> 00:04:00,680
presumably from
one of his inventions.
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00:04:00,680 --> 00:04:04,800
Well, he's going to be a tough act
to follow for Germany's entry
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00:04:04,800 --> 00:04:10,520
by 12th century genius, pioneer
and nun Hildegarde von Bingen.
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00:04:10,520 --> 00:04:13,080
This is one of the favourites
for the trophy.
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00:04:13,080 --> 00:04:16,000
Trust me, you'll all be doing
the dance tomorrow,
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00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:18,480
although I can't see
the wimple catching on.
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00:04:18,480 --> 00:04:19,880
TO THE TUNE OF:
Blinding Lights by The Weeknd
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00:04:19,880 --> 00:04:21,080
Since the age of seven
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00:04:22,600 --> 00:04:25,080
I've been living in a nunnery
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00:04:25,080 --> 00:04:28,040
Hildegarde von Bingen
That is me
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00:04:28,040 --> 00:04:31,080
I'm quite brainy
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00:04:31,080 --> 00:04:32,440
Because I feel inspired
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00:04:33,720 --> 00:04:36,720
So many ideas bursting through
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00:04:36,720 --> 00:04:39,440
My brain hums with things to do
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00:04:39,440 --> 00:04:43,080
Every day I look around
COUGHING
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00:04:43,080 --> 00:04:46,040
And the sick need meds to cure them
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00:04:46,040 --> 00:04:48,840
I write mine down in book form
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00:04:48,840 --> 00:04:53,280
Let's spread our knowledge round
the w-w-world
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00:04:53,280 --> 00:04:54,320
And I say
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00:04:54,320 --> 00:04:59,440
Ooh, I'm guided by insights
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00:04:59,440 --> 00:05:01,080
My mind is firing
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00:05:01,080 --> 00:05:03,120
I've got to note this down
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00:05:04,320 --> 00:05:05,360
Und I say
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00:05:05,360 --> 00:05:10,720
Ooh, so many books to write
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00:05:10,720 --> 00:05:16,000
Got to share all of this knowledge
that I found
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00:05:16,000 --> 00:05:17,200
For a bit of fun
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00:05:18,680 --> 00:05:21,640
I made up a secret language
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00:05:23,600 --> 00:05:26,080
FARTING
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00:05:26,080 --> 00:05:27,440
What dog?
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00:05:27,440 --> 00:05:28,560
And music is my thing
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00:05:30,200 --> 00:05:32,800
I write hymns and chants to sing
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00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:35,400
The first musical morality play
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00:05:35,400 --> 00:05:36,960
Ja, I slay.
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00:05:38,240 --> 00:05:42,200
I look around
And the natural world astounds me
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00:05:42,200 --> 00:05:44,720
Note down all that surrounds me
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00:05:44,720 --> 00:05:46,160
Wrote nine volumes.
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00:05:46,160 --> 00:05:50,360
Think I covered everything
Und I say
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00:05:50,360 --> 00:05:55,640
Ooh, my mind is feeling bright
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00:05:55,640 --> 00:05:57,120
Yes, I'm a woman
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00:05:57,120 --> 00:05:59,160
But I've got knowledge too
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00:06:01,000 --> 00:06:04,280
I'm writing letters every day
Letters every day
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00:06:04,280 --> 00:06:07,080
To popes and emperors to say,
Emperors to say
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00:06:07,080 --> 00:06:10,400
"If you listen,
I can show you a better way"
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00:06:11,720 --> 00:06:12,840
Und I say
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00:06:12,840 --> 00:06:18,000
Ooh, I'm guided by insights
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00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:19,480
My mind is firing
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00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:21,560
Hope I'm inspiring you
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00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:24,040
Und I say
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00:06:24,040 --> 00:06:29,240
Ooh, the future's looking bright
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00:06:29,240 --> 00:06:32,760
If we can think it,
we could make it true.
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00:06:36,120 --> 00:06:39,520
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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00:06:39,520 --> 00:06:41,040
Thank you, Germany.
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00:06:41,040 --> 00:06:43,360
Absolutely heavenly.
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00:06:43,360 --> 00:06:47,800
Next up, it's Poland's
representative, LL Zamenhof.
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00:06:47,800 --> 00:06:51,600
Now, there's some controversy here
because everyone's allowed to sing
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00:06:51,600 --> 00:06:54,680
in their native tongue
or in English.
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00:06:54,680 --> 00:06:58,680
But what Zamenhof has done
is invent a whole new language.
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00:06:58,680 --> 00:07:00,240
It might not be in the rules,
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00:07:00,240 --> 00:07:03,800
but he did invent it to try and help
achieve world peace.
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00:07:03,800 --> 00:07:05,880
So let's not fight about it.
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00:07:05,880 --> 00:07:08,920
The language and the song
is called Esperanto.
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00:07:08,920 --> 00:07:10,200
TO THE TUNE OF:
Despacito by Luis Fonsi
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00:07:10,200 --> 00:07:12,400
Any sort of fighting I abhor
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00:07:12,400 --> 00:07:15,120
We need to find a way
to prevent war
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00:07:15,120 --> 00:07:18,560
And I think that language
is the solution
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00:07:18,560 --> 00:07:20,640
ALL: Ah-ah-ah
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A peaceful way of resolving things
149
00:07:23,480 --> 00:07:26,080
There's no need for more battling
150
00:07:26,080 --> 00:07:29,440
Here's a way to stop this confusion
151
00:07:31,800 --> 00:07:34,400
It's a language that I created
in Poland
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00:07:34,400 --> 00:07:37,120
A way that we can keep
the conversation flowing
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00:07:37,120 --> 00:07:40,040
A way of talking that will only
keep on growing
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00:07:42,960 --> 00:07:45,280
It's a simple language
to unite the people
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00:07:45,280 --> 00:07:47,920
It's a way of speaking
that will make us equal
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00:07:47,920 --> 00:07:51,520
We can sort our problems
in a way that's peaceful
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00:07:51,520 --> 00:07:52,720
It's easy to learn
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00:07:52,720 --> 00:07:54,160
There's no crazy grammar
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00:07:54,160 --> 00:07:56,800
It follows simple rules
everyone can understand
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00:07:56,800 --> 00:07:58,480
Yeah, a mixture of languages
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But here's the surprise
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There are some words
you might recognise
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A bird is birdo
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Cat is kato
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A cake is kuko
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Baby is bebo
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Club is klubo
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River - rivero
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Music - muziko
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Problem - problemo
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Stop me if I'm wrong
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I wouldn't want to offend
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You're just taking a word
and sticking an O on the end
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I see why you've said that
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There's really more to it
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Don't be put off
Everyone here can do it
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ALL: It's a language
that I created in Poland
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A way that we can keep
the conversation flowing
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00:08:34,640 --> 00:08:37,720
A way of talking that will only
keep on growing
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00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:43,040
It's a simple language to unite
the people
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00:08:43,040 --> 00:08:45,680
It's a way of speaking
that will make us equal
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00:08:45,680 --> 00:08:48,600
We can sort our problems
in a way that's peaceful...
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Any questions?
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Excellent.
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00:09:01,640 --> 00:09:04,440
Oh, I'm fluent already.
186
00:09:04,440 --> 00:09:07,800
Next up, we've got
a pair of true artists from Italy.
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The total genius Leonardo da Vinci
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and the equally brilliant
Michelangelo.
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00:09:13,600 --> 00:09:17,200
And it features a special
guest appearance from Raphael,
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who's no slouch either.
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The three of them are wonderful
creators who, together,
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transformed the art world
during the Renaissance.
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And, of course, they've
had Ninja Turtles named after them.
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Sweet.
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00:09:30,480 --> 00:09:32,560
TO THE TUNE OF: Total Eclipse
of the Heart by Bonnie Tyler
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00:09:32,560 --> 00:09:34,200
Renaissance
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Every now and then
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I try to picture
the art in the Dark Ages
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Before changes began
200
00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:41,640
Renaissance
201
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Nobody was listening to new ideas
202
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Said they liked things
just as they stand
203
00:09:47,360 --> 00:09:48,560
Renaissance
204
00:09:48,560 --> 00:09:51,680
But studying the Classics
from Rome and Greece
205
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Gave us thoughts
we'd not had before
206
00:09:54,760 --> 00:09:57,440
Renaissance
An explosion of creation
207
00:09:57,440 --> 00:10:00,080
Music, sculpture in the nudie
208
00:10:00,080 --> 00:10:01,720
Paintings and more
209
00:10:01,720 --> 00:10:04,680
Renaissance art guys
210
00:10:04,680 --> 00:10:07,480
Every day is like
a brand-new start
211
00:10:07,480 --> 00:10:10,000
Renaissance art guys
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00:10:10,000 --> 00:10:12,440
BOTH: Every day,
we revolutionise art
213
00:10:12,440 --> 00:10:13,560
Renaissance
214
00:10:13,560 --> 00:10:17,000
Everybody knows
that Florence is the place
215
00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:19,560
Arty-farty types really should be
216
00:10:19,560 --> 00:10:20,760
Renaissance
217
00:10:20,760 --> 00:10:22,600
Masaccio, Donatello
218
00:10:22,600 --> 00:10:26,800
True artists created visions
so lifelike that they looked real
219
00:10:26,800 --> 00:10:27,840
Renaissance
220
00:10:27,840 --> 00:10:29,960
The Medicis have the wonga
221
00:10:29,960 --> 00:10:33,840
The Pope tells us
to bling the Vatican
222
00:10:33,840 --> 00:10:35,040
Renaissance
223
00:10:35,040 --> 00:10:36,920
Raphael masters oil
224
00:10:36,920 --> 00:10:41,240
Botticelli's Venus -
he's careful to cover all the bums
225
00:10:41,240 --> 00:10:44,000
Renaissance art guys
226
00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:46,480
Every day is like a brand-new start
227
00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:49,480
Renaissance art guys
228
00:10:49,480 --> 00:10:52,600
Fighting with our brushes
to make art
229
00:10:52,600 --> 00:10:55,960
And now you all can see
230
00:10:55,960 --> 00:10:59,520
My technique is getting better
231
00:10:59,520 --> 00:11:03,320
And if our patrons pay their fee
232
00:11:03,320 --> 00:11:06,760
Our legacy will last forever
233
00:11:06,760 --> 00:11:10,400
Study anatomy
to make the right body
234
00:11:10,400 --> 00:11:12,720
Cos before they looked shoddy
235
00:11:12,720 --> 00:11:14,160
Together, light and dark
236
00:11:14,160 --> 00:11:16,080
Make these people look 3D
237
00:11:16,080 --> 00:11:18,320
Cos we all have shadows on us
238
00:11:18,320 --> 00:11:20,200
Look at me
239
00:11:20,200 --> 00:11:21,480
Look at me
240
00:11:21,480 --> 00:11:23,200
Perspective gives us depth
241
00:11:23,200 --> 00:11:25,080
Our backgrounds come alive
242
00:11:25,080 --> 00:11:29,160
We study nature
and oil paint brings it to life
243
00:11:29,160 --> 00:11:32,280
I really think this will last
244
00:11:32,280 --> 00:11:34,800
History will remember my art
245
00:11:34,800 --> 00:11:37,880
No, history will remember MY art
246
00:11:37,880 --> 00:11:41,400
Once upon a time,
your paintings moved me to tears
247
00:11:41,400 --> 00:11:44,000
Yours always just made me laugh
248
00:11:44,000 --> 00:11:45,400
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
249
00:11:46,720 --> 00:11:48,760
BOTH: What can we say?
250
00:11:48,760 --> 00:11:51,720
We totally eclipsed the old art
251
00:11:51,720 --> 00:11:53,480
Sistine Chapel
252
00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:55,800
The Mona Lisa
253
00:11:55,800 --> 00:11:58,760
Totally eclipsed the old art
254
00:11:58,760 --> 00:12:00,880
Statue of David
255
00:12:00,880 --> 00:12:03,240
Sketch of an helicopter
256
00:12:03,240 --> 00:12:08,760
BOTH:
Totally eclipsed the old art.
257
00:12:08,760 --> 00:12:10,480
Held the last note
a bit longer than you.
258
00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:12,120
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
259
00:12:12,120 --> 00:12:13,600
Amazing.
260
00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:15,120
Those guys are responsible for
261
00:12:15,120 --> 00:12:17,840
some of humankind's
greatest creations.
262
00:12:17,840 --> 00:12:22,040
But this is the only work of art
that we're interested in right now.
263
00:12:22,040 --> 00:12:25,120
Ah, stunning.
I can smell it from here.
264
00:12:25,120 --> 00:12:28,000
But if they want to win it,
they'll have to get past Greece.
265
00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:30,600
Here's Ptolemy,
the ancient Greek astronomer,
266
00:12:30,600 --> 00:12:34,600
with his song all about the stars
he named after Greek legends.
267
00:12:34,600 --> 00:12:37,240
Well, he may have his head
in the clouds,
268
00:12:37,240 --> 00:12:40,200
but he's got some great moves
for an ancient fella.
269
00:12:40,200 --> 00:12:45,520
This is Greece and Ptolemy
with A Sky Full Of Myths.
270
00:12:45,520 --> 00:12:49,080
TO THE TUNE OF:
A Sky Full Of Stars by Coldplay
271
00:12:49,080 --> 00:12:50,880
Up there's a sky
272
00:12:50,880 --> 00:12:54,120
Up there's a sky full of myths
273
00:12:56,600 --> 00:12:58,640
I'm Ptolemy
274
00:12:58,640 --> 00:13:02,800
I wrote them down in a list
275
00:13:04,320 --> 00:13:09,320
If you look high
and screw your eyes up a bit
276
00:13:12,040 --> 00:13:17,000
You will see all the myths
277
00:13:19,760 --> 00:13:21,520
Lyra's there
278
00:13:21,520 --> 00:13:24,680
It was played by Orpheus
279
00:13:27,360 --> 00:13:33,440
Pegasus and Perseus too
280
00:13:35,120 --> 00:13:37,280
That one's a bull
281
00:13:37,280 --> 00:13:40,640
That we call Taurus
282
00:13:40,640 --> 00:13:47,920
That bull is Zeu-eu-eu-eu-s
283
00:13:48,880 --> 00:13:52,520
Just think of constellations
like big dot-to-dots, man.
284
00:13:52,520 --> 00:13:53,760
That one's Hercules
285
00:13:53,760 --> 00:13:56,200
or Heracles if you're saying it
properly.
286
00:13:56,200 --> 00:13:58,360
There's Cancer - the crab that bit
Heracles' foot.
287
00:13:58,360 --> 00:14:00,640
Leo the lion that Heracles killed.
288
00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:02,040
Triangulum, the...
289
00:14:02,040 --> 00:14:03,080
..triangle.
290
00:14:03,080 --> 00:14:04,760
Well, they can't all be
great stories.
291
00:14:05,800 --> 00:14:07,680
Over there
292
00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:11,200
That lot are Cassiopeia
293
00:14:13,560 --> 00:14:21,000
The Great Bear's
up there too-oo-oo-oo
294
00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:23,200
Cos in the sky
295
00:14:23,200 --> 00:14:26,280
The Greeks, we put all the myths
296
00:14:26,280 --> 00:14:32,960
All our stories on view
Ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh...
297
00:14:35,920 --> 00:14:41,400
I wrote down 48 constellations
in my 150 AD book, The Almagest.
298
00:14:41,400 --> 00:14:42,880
So, What does it mean?
299
00:14:42,880 --> 00:14:44,360
Oh, "The Greatest!"
300
00:14:44,360 --> 00:14:46,760
Is that referring to me
or the stars?
301
00:14:46,760 --> 00:14:48,040
You decide.
302
00:14:48,040 --> 00:14:50,480
I think you know the answer.
HE CLICKS HIS TONGUE
303
00:14:51,880 --> 00:14:53,600
Look up there
304
00:14:53,600 --> 00:14:57,640
Everywhere you see stars
305
00:14:58,800 --> 00:15:03,360
Well, if the clouds
have blown through
306
00:15:03,360 --> 00:15:07,280
Ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh
307
00:15:07,280 --> 00:15:09,440
Up there's a sky
308
00:15:09,440 --> 00:15:12,400
Up there's a sky full of myths
309
00:15:12,400 --> 00:15:19,960
Oh, yeah
And the moo-oo-oo-oo-oon!
310
00:15:19,960 --> 00:15:22,280
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
311
00:15:22,280 --> 00:15:26,520
Well, that is, hands down,
the best song I've ever heard...
312
00:15:26,520 --> 00:15:29,480
..about an ancient Greek bloke
naming stars after Greek myths.
313
00:15:29,480 --> 00:15:30,880
LAUGHTER
But here we go -
314
00:15:30,880 --> 00:15:34,200
it's the English entry,
and it's a family affair,
315
00:15:34,200 --> 00:15:37,480
with Henry VIII
and his whole Tudor royal family.
316
00:15:37,480 --> 00:15:41,000
They've written a song about
one of the big issues of their day,
317
00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:44,840
choosing which form of Christianity
the country should follow -
318
00:15:44,840 --> 00:15:47,760
Protestantism or Catholicism.
319
00:15:47,760 --> 00:15:50,160
It makes some really good points,
320
00:15:50,160 --> 00:15:52,960
which is funny because I doubt
it's going to get any points,
321
00:15:52,960 --> 00:15:55,280
especially from the Pope.
CHEERING
322
00:15:55,280 --> 00:15:57,520
This track is an absolute banger.
323
00:15:57,520 --> 00:15:59,160
TO THE TUNE OF:
No Scrubs by TLC
324
00:15:59,160 --> 00:16:01,640
The Pope is a guy
God thinks is fine
325
00:16:01,640 --> 00:16:04,400
He's also
a real good friend of mine
326
00:16:04,400 --> 00:16:06,880
"Defender of the Faith",
he calls me
327
00:16:06,880 --> 00:16:09,720
Cos I'm such a great Catholic, see?
328
00:16:09,720 --> 00:16:12,400
Then
I got bored of Catherine
329
00:16:12,400 --> 00:16:14,840
And
I wanted to marry Anne
330
00:16:14,840 --> 00:16:17,400
Then
The Pope said cos I'm Catholic
331
00:16:17,400 --> 00:16:19,520
I gotta be a one-woman man
332
00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:22,640
So, no, I don't want no Pope
333
00:16:22,640 --> 00:16:25,720
The Pope is a guy
that can't get no love from me
334
00:16:25,720 --> 00:16:27,680
Gonna split from the Catholics
335
00:16:27,680 --> 00:16:31,320
Now the head
of the English Church...is me...
336
00:16:33,040 --> 00:16:35,960
Ah, I can die happy and pass
the church onto my Protestant son.
337
00:16:35,960 --> 00:16:37,520
Give em hell, Edward!
338
00:16:40,280 --> 00:16:43,400
HE COUGHS AND WHEEZES
339
00:16:43,400 --> 00:16:45,080
Ugh...
340
00:16:45,080 --> 00:16:47,600
Awkward! Mary time.
341
00:16:47,600 --> 00:16:50,360
Then
Brother Eddie perished
342
00:16:50,360 --> 00:16:52,840
And
Now the country's mine
343
00:16:52,840 --> 00:16:55,160
And
Cos I was brought up Catholic
344
00:16:55,160 --> 00:16:57,480
I'll change it back one more time
345
00:16:57,480 --> 00:17:00,600
Cos, oh, how I love the Pope
346
00:17:00,600 --> 00:17:04,040
The Pope is the guy
who reps my God for me
347
00:17:04,040 --> 00:17:07,000
And if you don't agree,
that's totally fine
348
00:17:07,000 --> 00:17:09,600
I'll just burn you for heresy...
349
00:17:09,600 --> 00:17:12,240
Ah, Lizzie in the house!
350
00:17:12,240 --> 00:17:13,520
Yeah!
351
00:17:13,520 --> 00:17:16,160
Now Mary died, the country's mine
352
00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:18,560
How will we pray? I must decide
353
00:17:18,560 --> 00:17:21,440
Born Protestant,
raised with Catholics
354
00:17:21,440 --> 00:17:24,240
I really can see both sides
355
00:17:24,240 --> 00:17:26,840
Sure
If I trash the Catholics
356
00:17:26,840 --> 00:17:29,440
Then
The whole church is mine
357
00:17:29,440 --> 00:17:31,840
And
If they don't obey me
358
00:17:31,840 --> 00:17:34,040
I'll charge them a hefty fine
359
00:17:34,040 --> 00:17:37,160
So, no, I don't want no Pope
360
00:17:37,160 --> 00:17:40,520
The English Church
should all be about me
361
00:17:40,520 --> 00:17:42,360
Head of church and state
362
00:17:42,360 --> 00:17:43,520
That sounds great
363
00:17:43,520 --> 00:17:47,000
Call it Act of Supremacy
364
00:17:48,280 --> 00:17:50,680
I don't want no Pope
Oh...
365
00:17:50,680 --> 00:17:53,360
No, sirree
366
00:17:53,360 --> 00:17:58,400
But what will happen after me?
367
00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:01,600
Get out!
368
00:18:01,600 --> 00:18:03,560
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
369
00:18:03,560 --> 00:18:05,960
Honestly, I can't see
any other country
370
00:18:05,960 --> 00:18:08,760
having something
to match Queen Elizabeth I.
371
00:18:08,760 --> 00:18:10,680
On to our next entry now.
372
00:18:10,680 --> 00:18:13,680
It's Spain, and Queen Elizabeth I.
373
00:18:13,680 --> 00:18:17,280
What?! She's representing Spain
as well?!
374
00:18:17,280 --> 00:18:20,560
I don't care if it is a duet
with King Philip II of Spain.
375
00:18:20,560 --> 00:18:22,720
Surely that's against the rules.
376
00:18:22,720 --> 00:18:25,880
Ah, well.
Here's Liz and Phil with a song
377
00:18:25,880 --> 00:18:28,840
all about
their countries' great rivalry.
378
00:18:28,840 --> 00:18:30,680
Good luck, everyone.
379
00:18:30,680 --> 00:18:31,960
WHISPERING: Let's just say
380
00:18:31,960 --> 00:18:34,040
these two don't get along.
381
00:18:34,040 --> 00:18:35,840
Oh...
CHEERING
382
00:18:35,840 --> 00:18:38,880
ROCK MUSIC PLAYS
383
00:18:46,640 --> 00:18:49,480
I'm Philip the Second
I'm the King of Spain
384
00:18:49,480 --> 00:18:52,400
I'm Liz the First
and over England I reign
385
00:18:52,400 --> 00:18:55,200
I married your sister, Mary One
386
00:18:55,200 --> 00:18:58,000
But I'm Queen
now that she has gone
387
00:18:58,000 --> 00:19:00,880
I need a new wife
You're the perfect fit
388
00:19:00,880 --> 00:19:03,560
Apart from
the "not being a Catholic" bit
389
00:19:03,560 --> 00:19:06,680
If we get together,
our countries can be friends
390
00:19:06,680 --> 00:19:08,680
And if I say no?
391
00:19:08,680 --> 00:19:11,400
The friendship ends
392
00:19:15,120 --> 00:19:16,960
Ah, you're everything
I'm looking for
393
00:19:16,960 --> 00:19:18,440
It's an easy decision
394
00:19:18,440 --> 00:19:21,000
All you gotta do
is change your religion
395
00:19:21,000 --> 00:19:24,160
You know what, Philip?
I'll take my chances
396
00:19:24,160 --> 00:19:26,960
I'm not interested
in having romances
397
00:19:26,960 --> 00:19:29,680
Europe ain't big enough
for the both of us
398
00:19:29,680 --> 00:19:32,400
If that's the way you want it,
I can cause a fuss
399
00:19:32,400 --> 00:19:35,600
I got the power of the
Spanish Empire I can deploy, yeah
400
00:19:35,600 --> 00:19:40,320
Well, I'll do everything I can
just to annoy ya...
401
00:19:40,320 --> 00:19:42,400
SHE HOLDS A HIGH NOTE
402
00:19:42,400 --> 00:19:44,440
Yeah!
SHE BLOWS A RASPBERRY
403
00:19:44,440 --> 00:19:47,160
BOTH: You and me, a rivalry
404
00:19:47,160 --> 00:19:50,120
A war of words
A war at sea
405
00:19:50,120 --> 00:19:53,040
I'll send Francis Drake
to steal your treasure
406
00:19:53,040 --> 00:19:55,880
I'll back your enemies
for good measure
407
00:19:55,880 --> 00:19:58,840
I'll be supporting
loads of Catholic plots
408
00:19:58,840 --> 00:20:01,240
To have you replaced
with Mary, Queen of the Scots
409
00:20:01,240 --> 00:20:04,320
Oh, do what you like
That don't scare me much
410
00:20:04,320 --> 00:20:07,560
I'll get you involved
in a war with the Dutch
411
00:20:07,560 --> 00:20:10,240
Let's see how you cope
with my Spanish Armada
412
00:20:10,240 --> 00:20:16,240
Ha! Is that all you've got?
You're gonna have to try harder...
413
00:20:16,240 --> 00:20:18,760
Ha-ha-ha! Yeah!
414
00:20:18,760 --> 00:20:21,760
OK, so my armada
turned out not to be a threat
415
00:20:21,760 --> 00:20:24,560
And actually landed me
in quite a bit of debt
416
00:20:24,560 --> 00:20:27,480
We'll turn the screw
and send our own fleet
417
00:20:27,480 --> 00:20:30,400
And lose 40 ships
and have to retreat
418
00:20:30,400 --> 00:20:33,240
Is this constant warring
ever gonna end?
419
00:20:33,240 --> 00:20:36,240
Could've been so different
if we could have been friends
420
00:20:36,240 --> 00:20:39,000
So let's both die
before hostilities cease
421
00:20:39,000 --> 00:20:41,480
And leave it to our successors
422
00:20:41,480 --> 00:20:44,440
To work out peace...
423
00:20:46,240 --> 00:20:48,080
Yeah!
424
00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:50,640
BOTH: You and me, a rivalry
425
00:20:50,640 --> 00:20:53,720
A war of words
A war at sea
426
00:20:53,720 --> 00:20:56,720
Protestant Liz, Catholic Phil
427
00:20:56,720 --> 00:21:02,080
Both going in for the kill!
428
00:21:02,080 --> 00:21:05,040
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
429
00:21:05,040 --> 00:21:08,600
I'm hearing that Phil has offered
to put their rivalry behind them
430
00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:11,360
and asked Liz to marry him.
AUDIENCE: Aww!
431
00:21:11,360 --> 00:21:12,760
Beautiful!
432
00:21:12,760 --> 00:21:14,400
And Liz has said...
433
00:21:15,680 --> 00:21:17,680
Ahh! Yikes!
434
00:21:17,680 --> 00:21:20,080
I'm not reading that out!
AUDIENCE: Ooh...
435
00:21:20,080 --> 00:21:23,840
Let's just say she said no
and move on.
436
00:21:23,840 --> 00:21:25,680
It's France's entry next,
437
00:21:25,680 --> 00:21:28,360
and it's another song
by royal appointment.
438
00:21:28,360 --> 00:21:30,600
It's Queen Eleanor of Aquitaine,
439
00:21:30,600 --> 00:21:34,800
the only woman ever to have been
queen of both France and England.
440
00:21:34,800 --> 00:21:38,880
She was a great queen,
but she was an even greater mum.
441
00:21:38,880 --> 00:21:41,040
And she's got some moves, too.
442
00:21:41,040 --> 00:21:43,640
If this is half as good
as it was in rehearsal,
443
00:21:43,640 --> 00:21:46,280
you are in for a treat.
444
00:21:46,280 --> 00:21:48,360
I'm Henry, the Young King.
445
00:21:48,360 --> 00:21:50,960
King Richard! King John, yeah!
And this is our mum.
446
00:21:50,960 --> 00:21:52,280
TO THE TUNE OF: Crazy In Love
by Beyonce
447
00:21:52,280 --> 00:21:53,440
Eleanor of Aquitaine
448
00:21:53,440 --> 00:21:56,440
My name's
Queen Eleanor of Aquitaine
449
00:21:56,440 --> 00:22:01,200
Oh-oh-oh-oh, no, no
Oh-oh-oh-oh
450
00:22:01,200 --> 00:22:03,360
First up,
I was the Queen of France,
451
00:22:03,360 --> 00:22:05,840
Wife of King Louis Seven,
was a bad romance
452
00:22:05,840 --> 00:22:08,440
Took a boat
all the way across to England
453
00:22:08,440 --> 00:22:10,800
Gave the English king
over there my hand
454
00:22:10,800 --> 00:22:13,400
Was my wish to be
a really great mum
455
00:22:13,400 --> 00:22:15,760
Had boys - Henry, Richard, and John
456
00:22:15,760 --> 00:22:18,000
But a happy family
was an odd thing
457
00:22:18,000 --> 00:22:20,600
Henry started up a war
with his dad, the king
458
00:22:20,600 --> 00:22:23,040
Had to choose
between my husband and my son
459
00:22:23,040 --> 00:22:25,320
That's a no-brainer for a mum
460
00:22:25,320 --> 00:22:27,840
I chose to try
and help my boy, Henry, to reign
461
00:22:27,840 --> 00:22:30,400
So my hubby threw me into jail
A shame
462
00:22:30,400 --> 00:22:32,240
Eleanor of Aquitaine
463
00:22:32,240 --> 00:22:35,080
My name's
Queen Eleanor of Aquitaine
464
00:22:35,080 --> 00:22:37,080
Three sons, they all want to reign
465
00:22:37,080 --> 00:22:40,040
My name's
Queen Eleanor of Aquitaine
466
00:22:40,040 --> 00:22:44,560
Oh-oh-oh-oh, no, no
Oh-oh-oh-oh
467
00:22:44,560 --> 00:22:47,040
Young Henry died of dysentery...
PFFFRT!
468
00:22:47,040 --> 00:22:49,600
My son, Richard, now King,
set me free
469
00:22:49,600 --> 00:22:52,080
He didn't care
about finding a young wife
470
00:22:52,080 --> 00:22:54,520
Seems he had a better plan
for his own life
471
00:22:54,520 --> 00:22:56,920
Soon he went across the seas
on a crusade
472
00:22:56,920 --> 00:22:59,280
Helped to rule in his place
What an accolade
473
00:22:59,280 --> 00:23:01,840
He got captured far away
in another land
474
00:23:01,840 --> 00:23:04,320
Then things at home
got out of hand
475
00:23:04,320 --> 00:23:06,600
Cos my boy, Johnny, got greedy
476
00:23:06,600 --> 00:23:08,920
Soon invaded, took a castle
or two or three
477
00:23:08,920 --> 00:23:11,280
Told everyone his bro,
King Rich, was dead
478
00:23:11,280 --> 00:23:13,960
And England was now
his land instead
479
00:23:13,960 --> 00:23:15,840
Eleanor of Aquitaine
480
00:23:15,840 --> 00:23:18,640
My name's
Queen Eleanor of Aquitaine
481
00:23:18,640 --> 00:23:20,720
Three sons, they all want to reign
482
00:23:20,720 --> 00:23:23,640
My name's
Queen Eleanor of Aquitaine
483
00:23:23,640 --> 00:23:27,800
Oh-oh-oh-oh, no, no
Oh-oh-oh-oh
484
00:23:27,800 --> 00:23:30,480
I guess John was lying,
saying Richard had died
485
00:23:30,480 --> 00:23:32,920
Travelled to Austria
to be by his side
486
00:23:32,920 --> 00:23:35,120
To set him free,
I paid for his release
487
00:23:35,120 --> 00:23:37,800
Bought him all the way home,
said this fighting must cease
488
00:23:37,800 --> 00:23:40,120
Made my boys promise
to always be friends
489
00:23:40,120 --> 00:23:42,720
Gave Richard his crown back
to his peaceful end
490
00:23:42,720 --> 00:23:44,680
Then I supported
my youngest, King John
491
00:23:44,680 --> 00:23:47,920
Tell you, ain't no job harder
than being a mum
492
00:23:47,920 --> 00:23:50,800
Oh-oh-oh-oh, no, no.
493
00:23:50,800 --> 00:23:52,360
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
494
00:23:52,360 --> 00:23:53,680
Yaaas, Queen!
495
00:23:53,680 --> 00:23:55,400
I think we may have just seen
the winner,
496
00:23:55,400 --> 00:23:58,360
but you never know,
because we're about to go old school
497
00:23:58,360 --> 00:24:00,160
with the Ancient Egyptian entry.
498
00:24:00,160 --> 00:24:02,760
Before there were kings and queens
in Europe,
499
00:24:02,760 --> 00:24:05,000
there were pharaohs
in Ancient Egypt.
500
00:24:05,000 --> 00:24:07,760
And we have three of them
here tonight -
501
00:24:07,760 --> 00:24:12,080
Ramesses II, Hatshepsut
and Tutankhamun -
502
00:24:12,080 --> 00:24:14,600
singing Ancient Egypt's entry.
503
00:24:14,600 --> 00:24:18,520
It's a fun little number about
what pharaohs do when they're dead.
504
00:24:18,520 --> 00:24:21,240
Honestly, couldn't they have chosen
a cheerier subject?
505
00:24:21,240 --> 00:24:25,000
But everyone will be humming
this tune at the afterparty.
506
00:24:25,000 --> 00:24:27,520
Not to mention the afterlife.
507
00:24:30,000 --> 00:24:33,680
TO THE TUNE OF: Gangster's Paradise
by Coolio
508
00:24:40,840 --> 00:24:43,600
We all know we're heading
to the Valley of Death
509
00:24:43,600 --> 00:24:46,800
We want eternal life
after our last breath
510
00:24:46,800 --> 00:24:49,560
Cos I've been a pharaoh
Got a Neme on my head
511
00:24:49,560 --> 00:24:52,760
But when we die, we need help
from the Book of the Dead
512
00:24:52,760 --> 00:24:55,600
It's a magic scroll of hymns
to the sun god, Ra
513
00:24:55,600 --> 00:24:58,760
To help us through the afterlife
There's many things we must say
514
00:24:58,760 --> 00:25:01,840
Like, "I've never uttered lies,
never been an eavesdropper"
515
00:25:01,840 --> 00:25:05,080
"I have never raised my voice
Lived my life so proper"
516
00:25:05,080 --> 00:25:07,640
Every text is different
Written for each soul
517
00:25:07,640 --> 00:25:10,720
But you know, in the end,
we only got one goal
518
00:25:10,720 --> 00:25:13,520
These rules will remind us
once we cease to be
519
00:25:13,520 --> 00:25:16,600
And help us live in peace
for all eternity
520
00:25:16,600 --> 00:25:17,640
Unh!
521
00:25:17,640 --> 00:25:23,440
ALL: Been waiting all our lives
to get into Pharaoh's Paradise
522
00:25:23,440 --> 00:25:29,160
These words will be our guide
to living in a Pharaoh's Paradise
523
00:25:34,560 --> 00:25:37,680
Spells are written on tomb walls
Inside our mummy wrappings
524
00:25:37,680 --> 00:25:40,840
Even in gold masks
and other Pharaoh trappings
525
00:25:40,840 --> 00:25:43,760
Cos getting into Paradise,
you know it ain't easy
526
00:25:43,760 --> 00:25:45,640
Your heart is weighed
against the feather
527
00:25:45,640 --> 00:25:46,880
Hope it ain't breezy
528
00:25:46,880 --> 00:25:49,680
Then we all board a ferry,
cross the Lily Lake
529
00:25:49,680 --> 00:25:52,760
To the Field of Reeds
the Ferryman will take us
530
00:25:52,760 --> 00:25:55,600
Then we'll meet our friends
and old beloved pets
531
00:25:55,600 --> 00:25:58,720
In the Field of Reeds
we'll have eternal rest, yeah
532
00:25:58,720 --> 00:26:01,760
Yeah, death ain't nothing
but a new form of living
533
00:26:01,760 --> 00:26:04,960
So glad we got the Book of
the Dead and the advice it's giving
534
00:26:04,960 --> 00:26:07,960
I'm 18 now
But will I ever see 20, though?
535
00:26:07,960 --> 00:26:11,520
You better hurry with my book
Don't be slow, mm
536
00:26:11,520 --> 00:26:17,440
Been waiting all our lives
to get into Pharaoh's Paradise
537
00:26:17,440 --> 00:26:23,480
These words will be our guide
to living in a Pharaoh's Paradise
538
00:26:23,480 --> 00:26:28,680
Been spending most our lives
avoiding dangerous crocodiles...
539
00:26:28,680 --> 00:26:29,720
ROARING
540
00:26:29,720 --> 00:26:34,880
Preparing all our lives for
living in a Pharaoh's Paradise.
541
00:26:34,880 --> 00:26:36,520
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
542
00:26:36,520 --> 00:26:39,440
Well, the votes have been counted
and verified,
543
00:26:39,440 --> 00:26:41,720
and I'm ready to announce
the winner.
544
00:26:41,720 --> 00:26:42,840
Not that it matters,
545
00:26:42,840 --> 00:26:45,840
because music and history
are the real winners here
546
00:26:45,840 --> 00:26:49,360
and none of our entries
really mind about the results.
547
00:26:49,360 --> 00:26:51,720
BLADES SWISH, HE GASPS
548
00:26:51,720 --> 00:26:53,280
Er...
HE GULPS
549
00:26:53,280 --> 00:26:56,960
And the winner of the first -
and most probably last - ever
550
00:26:56,960 --> 00:27:00,840
Rat-O-Vision Song Contest is...
551
00:27:00,840 --> 00:27:03,360
DRUM ROLL
Er...
552
00:27:03,360 --> 00:27:04,720
..everyone! What?!
BOOING
553
00:27:04,720 --> 00:27:07,800
Yeah, you all won
so everyone can relax, and...
554
00:27:07,800 --> 00:27:11,000
I won!
BICKERING AND FIGHTING
555
00:27:11,000 --> 00:27:14,000
Oh. Well, at least they're fighting
each other and not me.
556
00:27:14,000 --> 00:27:16,320
I think I'll sneak out
while they're not looking.
557
00:27:16,320 --> 00:27:18,480
And if no-one else
wants that trophy...
558
00:27:18,480 --> 00:27:19,760
..I'm having it!
559
00:27:19,760 --> 00:27:21,560
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
560
00:27:23,200 --> 00:27:25,560
It'll be the next language
561
00:27:25,560 --> 00:27:28,600
of international...languages.
562
00:27:28,600 --> 00:27:30,520
LAUGHTER
563
00:27:32,320 --> 00:27:34,200
THEY LAUGH
564
00:27:34,200 --> 00:27:37,000
The past is no longer a mystery
565
00:27:37,000 --> 00:27:38,320
Hope you enjoyed
566
00:27:38,320 --> 00:27:41,600
Horrible Histories!
567
00:27:41,650 --> 00:27:46,200
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