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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,440 Terrible Tudors, gorgeous Georgians Slimy Stuarts, vile Victorians 2 00:00:04,440 --> 00:00:07,000 Woeful wars, ferocious fights Dingy castles, daring knights 3 00:00:07,000 --> 00:00:09,720 Horrors that defy description Cut-throat Celts, awful Egyptians 4 00:00:09,720 --> 00:00:12,480 Vicious Vikings, cruel crimes Punishment from ancient times 5 00:00:12,480 --> 00:00:15,040 Romans, rotten, rank and ruthless Cavemen, savage, fierce and toothless 6 00:00:15,040 --> 00:00:18,040 Groovy Greeks, brainy sages Mean and measly Middle Ages 7 00:00:18,040 --> 00:00:20,760 Gory stories, we do that 8 00:00:20,760 --> 00:00:23,280 And your host, a talking rat 9 00:00:23,280 --> 00:00:26,360 The past is no longer a mystery 10 00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:27,520 Welcome to... 11 00:00:27,520 --> 00:00:31,880 Horrible Histories. 12 00:00:31,880 --> 00:00:34,320 Horrible Histories presents... 13 00:00:40,480 --> 00:00:44,200 Now, if you watch one song contest this year, 14 00:00:44,200 --> 00:00:47,760 make sure it's the Eurovision Song Contest. 15 00:00:47,760 --> 00:00:50,240 But if you watch two song contests, 16 00:00:50,240 --> 00:00:53,560 then you need to watch the Rat-O-Vision song contest. 17 00:00:53,560 --> 00:00:54,640 You do! 18 00:00:54,640 --> 00:00:55,800 CLEARS THROAT 19 00:00:55,800 --> 00:00:59,560 So please welcome your host, Rattus Rattus! 20 00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:03,680 Welcome to the first-ever Rat-O-Vision Song Contest. 21 00:01:03,680 --> 00:01:06,440 It's a feast for the eyes and ears 22 00:01:06,440 --> 00:01:08,680 and an absolute disaster for the nose. 23 00:01:08,680 --> 00:01:10,240 LAUGHTER 24 00:01:10,240 --> 00:01:11,920 Yes. In this competition, 25 00:01:11,920 --> 00:01:16,120 historical celebrities from around the world sing their hearts out 26 00:01:16,120 --> 00:01:21,040 in a bid to win our coveted Rat-O-Vision trophy. 27 00:01:21,040 --> 00:01:24,000 And to kick us off with an absolute banger 28 00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:27,040 it's America's entry, sung by Thomas Edison. 29 00:01:27,040 --> 00:01:29,760 Tom's written a song about the things he's invented, 30 00:01:29,760 --> 00:01:30,960 but he had to cut the song 31 00:01:30,960 --> 00:01:32,320 down after the dress rehearsal 32 00:01:32,320 --> 00:01:35,160 because it listed all of his 1,000 plus 33 00:01:35,160 --> 00:01:36,760 registered inventions. 34 00:01:36,760 --> 00:01:39,440 The song was over four hours long. 35 00:01:39,440 --> 00:01:42,840 Just the highlights, please, Tom. 36 00:01:42,840 --> 00:01:44,960 TO THE TUNE OF: Smells Like Teen Spirit by Nirvana 37 00:01:47,360 --> 00:01:51,600 Look round your house at all the things 38 00:01:51,600 --> 00:01:55,640 The light that shines The phone that rings 39 00:01:55,640 --> 00:01:57,680 The sounds you like 40 00:01:57,680 --> 00:01:59,840 The things you view 41 00:01:59,840 --> 00:02:03,960 I had a hand in all you do 42 00:02:03,960 --> 00:02:08,080 Oh, who am I? The light bulb guy 43 00:02:08,080 --> 00:02:10,880 You'd be surprised 44 00:02:10,880 --> 00:02:13,160 Thomas Edison 45 00:02:13,160 --> 00:02:14,960 The inventor 46 00:02:14,960 --> 00:02:19,080 Of light bulb illuminator 47 00:02:19,080 --> 00:02:21,080 Movie studio 48 00:02:21,080 --> 00:02:23,160 Black Maria 49 00:02:23,160 --> 00:02:25,000 Kinetoscope 50 00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:27,160 Movie camera 51 00:02:27,160 --> 00:02:29,200 Phonograph 52 00:02:29,200 --> 00:02:31,120 Voice recorder 53 00:02:31,120 --> 00:02:35,320 And the network electric power 54 00:02:35,320 --> 00:02:36,360 All me 55 00:02:40,720 --> 00:02:44,800 I said I'd make a new design 56 00:02:44,800 --> 00:02:46,960 Every ten days 57 00:02:46,960 --> 00:02:49,320 They weren't all mine 58 00:02:49,320 --> 00:02:53,200 I paid for help from other minds 59 00:02:53,200 --> 00:02:55,560 To bump the numbers 60 00:02:55,560 --> 00:02:57,240 Never mind 61 00:02:57,240 --> 00:02:59,400 With Graham Bell's phone 62 00:02:59,400 --> 00:03:03,240 I did tell him what you should say 63 00:03:03,240 --> 00:03:05,480 When the thing rings 64 00:03:05,480 --> 00:03:09,720 I disagreed with old Bell boy 65 00:03:09,720 --> 00:03:11,880 I said, "Hello" 66 00:03:11,880 --> 00:03:13,840 He said, "Ahoy" 67 00:03:13,840 --> 00:03:19,160 Ahoy, ahoy, ahoy, ahoy, ahoy 68 00:03:19,160 --> 00:03:20,840 Imagine that 69 00:03:20,840 --> 00:03:24,920 Thomas Edison, the inventor 70 00:03:24,920 --> 00:03:28,960 The vitascope, the projector 71 00:03:28,960 --> 00:03:33,080 Mimeograph - kind of printer 72 00:03:33,080 --> 00:03:35,040 Electric pens 73 00:03:35,040 --> 00:03:37,040 Not a winner 74 00:03:37,040 --> 00:03:39,080 With the lights on 75 00:03:39,080 --> 00:03:41,120 It's less dangerous 76 00:03:41,120 --> 00:03:43,560 Yes, my light bulb 77 00:03:43,560 --> 00:03:45,400 Made me famous 78 00:03:45,400 --> 00:03:46,440 Yeah! 79 00:03:50,400 --> 00:03:52,440 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 80 00:03:52,440 --> 00:03:55,960 Wow. Who knew Edison could sing like that? 81 00:03:55,960 --> 00:03:58,200 He sure has got some pipes - 82 00:03:58,200 --> 00:04:00,680 presumably from one of his inventions. 83 00:04:00,680 --> 00:04:04,800 Well, he's going to be a tough act to follow for Germany's entry 84 00:04:04,800 --> 00:04:10,520 by 12th century genius, pioneer and nun Hildegarde von Bingen. 85 00:04:10,520 --> 00:04:13,080 This is one of the favourites for the trophy. 86 00:04:13,080 --> 00:04:16,000 Trust me, you'll all be doing the dance tomorrow, 87 00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:18,480 although I can't see the wimple catching on. 88 00:04:18,480 --> 00:04:19,880 TO THE TUNE OF: Blinding Lights by The Weeknd 89 00:04:19,880 --> 00:04:21,080 Since the age of seven 90 00:04:22,600 --> 00:04:25,080 I've been living in a nunnery 91 00:04:25,080 --> 00:04:28,040 Hildegarde von Bingen That is me 92 00:04:28,040 --> 00:04:31,080 I'm quite brainy 93 00:04:31,080 --> 00:04:32,440 Because I feel inspired 94 00:04:33,720 --> 00:04:36,720 So many ideas bursting through 95 00:04:36,720 --> 00:04:39,440 My brain hums with things to do 96 00:04:39,440 --> 00:04:43,080 Every day I look around COUGHING 97 00:04:43,080 --> 00:04:46,040 And the sick need meds to cure them 98 00:04:46,040 --> 00:04:48,840 I write mine down in book form 99 00:04:48,840 --> 00:04:53,280 Let's spread our knowledge round the w-w-world 100 00:04:53,280 --> 00:04:54,320 And I say 101 00:04:54,320 --> 00:04:59,440 Ooh, I'm guided by insights 102 00:04:59,440 --> 00:05:01,080 My mind is firing 103 00:05:01,080 --> 00:05:03,120 I've got to note this down 104 00:05:04,320 --> 00:05:05,360 Und I say 105 00:05:05,360 --> 00:05:10,720 Ooh, so many books to write 106 00:05:10,720 --> 00:05:16,000 Got to share all of this knowledge that I found 107 00:05:16,000 --> 00:05:17,200 For a bit of fun 108 00:05:18,680 --> 00:05:21,640 I made up a secret language 109 00:05:23,600 --> 00:05:26,080 FARTING 110 00:05:26,080 --> 00:05:27,440 What dog? 111 00:05:27,440 --> 00:05:28,560 And music is my thing 112 00:05:30,200 --> 00:05:32,800 I write hymns and chants to sing 113 00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:35,400 The first musical morality play 114 00:05:35,400 --> 00:05:36,960 Ja, I slay. 115 00:05:38,240 --> 00:05:42,200 I look around And the natural world astounds me 116 00:05:42,200 --> 00:05:44,720 Note down all that surrounds me 117 00:05:44,720 --> 00:05:46,160 Wrote nine volumes. 118 00:05:46,160 --> 00:05:50,360 Think I covered everything Und I say 119 00:05:50,360 --> 00:05:55,640 Ooh, my mind is feeling bright 120 00:05:55,640 --> 00:05:57,120 Yes, I'm a woman 121 00:05:57,120 --> 00:05:59,160 But I've got knowledge too 122 00:06:01,000 --> 00:06:04,280 I'm writing letters every day Letters every day 123 00:06:04,280 --> 00:06:07,080 To popes and emperors to say, Emperors to say 124 00:06:07,080 --> 00:06:10,400 "If you listen, I can show you a better way" 125 00:06:11,720 --> 00:06:12,840 Und I say 126 00:06:12,840 --> 00:06:18,000 Ooh, I'm guided by insights 127 00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:19,480 My mind is firing 128 00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:21,560 Hope I'm inspiring you 129 00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:24,040 Und I say 130 00:06:24,040 --> 00:06:29,240 Ooh, the future's looking bright 131 00:06:29,240 --> 00:06:32,760 If we can think it, we could make it true. 132 00:06:36,120 --> 00:06:39,520 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 133 00:06:39,520 --> 00:06:41,040 Thank you, Germany. 134 00:06:41,040 --> 00:06:43,360 Absolutely heavenly. 135 00:06:43,360 --> 00:06:47,800 Next up, it's Poland's representative, LL Zamenhof. 136 00:06:47,800 --> 00:06:51,600 Now, there's some controversy here because everyone's allowed to sing 137 00:06:51,600 --> 00:06:54,680 in their native tongue or in English. 138 00:06:54,680 --> 00:06:58,680 But what Zamenhof has done is invent a whole new language. 139 00:06:58,680 --> 00:07:00,240 It might not be in the rules, 140 00:07:00,240 --> 00:07:03,800 but he did invent it to try and help achieve world peace. 141 00:07:03,800 --> 00:07:05,880 So let's not fight about it. 142 00:07:05,880 --> 00:07:08,920 The language and the song is called Esperanto. 143 00:07:08,920 --> 00:07:10,200 TO THE TUNE OF: Despacito by Luis Fonsi 144 00:07:10,200 --> 00:07:12,400 Any sort of fighting I abhor 145 00:07:12,400 --> 00:07:15,120 We need to find a way to prevent war 146 00:07:15,120 --> 00:07:18,560 And I think that language is the solution 147 00:07:18,560 --> 00:07:20,640 ALL: Ah-ah-ah 148 00:07:20,640 --> 00:07:23,480 A peaceful way of resolving things 149 00:07:23,480 --> 00:07:26,080 There's no need for more battling 150 00:07:26,080 --> 00:07:29,440 Here's a way to stop this confusion 151 00:07:31,800 --> 00:07:34,400 It's a language that I created in Poland 152 00:07:34,400 --> 00:07:37,120 A way that we can keep the conversation flowing 153 00:07:37,120 --> 00:07:40,040 A way of talking that will only keep on growing 154 00:07:42,960 --> 00:07:45,280 It's a simple language to unite the people 155 00:07:45,280 --> 00:07:47,920 It's a way of speaking that will make us equal 156 00:07:47,920 --> 00:07:51,520 We can sort our problems in a way that's peaceful 157 00:07:51,520 --> 00:07:52,720 It's easy to learn 158 00:07:52,720 --> 00:07:54,160 There's no crazy grammar 159 00:07:54,160 --> 00:07:56,800 It follows simple rules everyone can understand 160 00:07:56,800 --> 00:07:58,480 Yeah, a mixture of languages 161 00:07:58,480 --> 00:07:59,800 But here's the surprise 162 00:07:59,800 --> 00:08:02,360 There are some words you might recognise 163 00:08:02,360 --> 00:08:03,800 A bird is birdo 164 00:08:03,800 --> 00:08:04,960 Cat is kato 165 00:08:04,960 --> 00:08:06,520 A cake is kuko 166 00:08:06,520 --> 00:08:07,680 Baby is bebo 167 00:08:07,680 --> 00:08:09,240 Club is klubo 168 00:08:09,240 --> 00:08:10,560 River - rivero 169 00:08:10,560 --> 00:08:12,000 Music - muziko 170 00:08:12,000 --> 00:08:13,280 Problem - problemo 171 00:08:13,280 --> 00:08:14,400 Stop me if I'm wrong 172 00:08:14,400 --> 00:08:15,680 I wouldn't want to offend 173 00:08:15,680 --> 00:08:18,520 You're just taking a word and sticking an O on the end 174 00:08:18,520 --> 00:08:20,000 I see why you've said that 175 00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:21,400 There's really more to it 176 00:08:21,400 --> 00:08:23,960 Don't be put off Everyone here can do it 177 00:08:29,520 --> 00:08:32,160 ALL: It's a language that I created in Poland 178 00:08:32,160 --> 00:08:34,640 A way that we can keep the conversation flowing 179 00:08:34,640 --> 00:08:37,720 A way of talking that will only keep on growing 180 00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:43,040 It's a simple language to unite the people 181 00:08:43,040 --> 00:08:45,680 It's a way of speaking that will make us equal 182 00:08:45,680 --> 00:08:48,600 We can sort our problems in a way that's peaceful... 183 00:08:53,560 --> 00:08:54,640 Any questions? 184 00:09:00,400 --> 00:09:01,640 Excellent. 185 00:09:01,640 --> 00:09:04,440 Oh, I'm fluent already. 186 00:09:04,440 --> 00:09:07,800 Next up, we've got a pair of true artists from Italy. 187 00:09:07,800 --> 00:09:10,720 The total genius Leonardo da Vinci 188 00:09:10,720 --> 00:09:13,600 and the equally brilliant Michelangelo. 189 00:09:13,600 --> 00:09:17,200 And it features a special guest appearance from Raphael, 190 00:09:17,200 --> 00:09:18,840 who's no slouch either. 191 00:09:18,840 --> 00:09:22,200 The three of them are wonderful creators who, together, 192 00:09:22,200 --> 00:09:24,960 transformed the art world during the Renaissance. 193 00:09:24,960 --> 00:09:28,720 And, of course, they've had Ninja Turtles named after them. 194 00:09:28,720 --> 00:09:30,480 Sweet. 195 00:09:30,480 --> 00:09:32,560 TO THE TUNE OF: Total Eclipse of the Heart by Bonnie Tyler 196 00:09:32,560 --> 00:09:34,200 Renaissance 197 00:09:34,200 --> 00:09:35,640 Every now and then 198 00:09:35,640 --> 00:09:38,520 I try to picture the art in the Dark Ages 199 00:09:38,520 --> 00:09:40,080 Before changes began 200 00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:41,640 Renaissance 201 00:09:41,640 --> 00:09:44,560 Nobody was listening to new ideas 202 00:09:44,560 --> 00:09:47,360 Said they liked things just as they stand 203 00:09:47,360 --> 00:09:48,560 Renaissance 204 00:09:48,560 --> 00:09:51,680 But studying the Classics from Rome and Greece 205 00:09:51,680 --> 00:09:54,760 Gave us thoughts we'd not had before 206 00:09:54,760 --> 00:09:57,440 Renaissance An explosion of creation 207 00:09:57,440 --> 00:10:00,080 Music, sculpture in the nudie 208 00:10:00,080 --> 00:10:01,720 Paintings and more 209 00:10:01,720 --> 00:10:04,680 Renaissance art guys 210 00:10:04,680 --> 00:10:07,480 Every day is like a brand-new start 211 00:10:07,480 --> 00:10:10,000 Renaissance art guys 212 00:10:10,000 --> 00:10:12,440 BOTH: Every day, we revolutionise art 213 00:10:12,440 --> 00:10:13,560 Renaissance 214 00:10:13,560 --> 00:10:17,000 Everybody knows that Florence is the place 215 00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:19,560 Arty-farty types really should be 216 00:10:19,560 --> 00:10:20,760 Renaissance 217 00:10:20,760 --> 00:10:22,600 Masaccio, Donatello 218 00:10:22,600 --> 00:10:26,800 True artists created visions so lifelike that they looked real 219 00:10:26,800 --> 00:10:27,840 Renaissance 220 00:10:27,840 --> 00:10:29,960 The Medicis have the wonga 221 00:10:29,960 --> 00:10:33,840 The Pope tells us to bling the Vatican 222 00:10:33,840 --> 00:10:35,040 Renaissance 223 00:10:35,040 --> 00:10:36,920 Raphael masters oil 224 00:10:36,920 --> 00:10:41,240 Botticelli's Venus - he's careful to cover all the bums 225 00:10:41,240 --> 00:10:44,000 Renaissance art guys 226 00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:46,480 Every day is like a brand-new start 227 00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:49,480 Renaissance art guys 228 00:10:49,480 --> 00:10:52,600 Fighting with our brushes to make art 229 00:10:52,600 --> 00:10:55,960 And now you all can see 230 00:10:55,960 --> 00:10:59,520 My technique is getting better 231 00:10:59,520 --> 00:11:03,320 And if our patrons pay their fee 232 00:11:03,320 --> 00:11:06,760 Our legacy will last forever 233 00:11:06,760 --> 00:11:10,400 Study anatomy to make the right body 234 00:11:10,400 --> 00:11:12,720 Cos before they looked shoddy 235 00:11:12,720 --> 00:11:14,160 Together, light and dark 236 00:11:14,160 --> 00:11:16,080 Make these people look 3D 237 00:11:16,080 --> 00:11:18,320 Cos we all have shadows on us 238 00:11:18,320 --> 00:11:20,200 Look at me 239 00:11:20,200 --> 00:11:21,480 Look at me 240 00:11:21,480 --> 00:11:23,200 Perspective gives us depth 241 00:11:23,200 --> 00:11:25,080 Our backgrounds come alive 242 00:11:25,080 --> 00:11:29,160 We study nature and oil paint brings it to life 243 00:11:29,160 --> 00:11:32,280 I really think this will last 244 00:11:32,280 --> 00:11:34,800 History will remember my art 245 00:11:34,800 --> 00:11:37,880 No, history will remember MY art 246 00:11:37,880 --> 00:11:41,400 Once upon a time, your paintings moved me to tears 247 00:11:41,400 --> 00:11:44,000 Yours always just made me laugh 248 00:11:44,000 --> 00:11:45,400 Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! 249 00:11:46,720 --> 00:11:48,760 BOTH: What can we say? 250 00:11:48,760 --> 00:11:51,720 We totally eclipsed the old art 251 00:11:51,720 --> 00:11:53,480 Sistine Chapel 252 00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:55,800 The Mona Lisa 253 00:11:55,800 --> 00:11:58,760 Totally eclipsed the old art 254 00:11:58,760 --> 00:12:00,880 Statue of David 255 00:12:00,880 --> 00:12:03,240 Sketch of an helicopter 256 00:12:03,240 --> 00:12:08,760 BOTH: Totally eclipsed the old art. 257 00:12:08,760 --> 00:12:10,480 Held the last note a bit longer than you. 258 00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:12,120 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 259 00:12:12,120 --> 00:12:13,600 Amazing. 260 00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:15,120 Those guys are responsible for 261 00:12:15,120 --> 00:12:17,840 some of humankind's greatest creations. 262 00:12:17,840 --> 00:12:22,040 But this is the only work of art that we're interested in right now. 263 00:12:22,040 --> 00:12:25,120 Ah, stunning. I can smell it from here. 264 00:12:25,120 --> 00:12:28,000 But if they want to win it, they'll have to get past Greece. 265 00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:30,600 Here's Ptolemy, the ancient Greek astronomer, 266 00:12:30,600 --> 00:12:34,600 with his song all about the stars he named after Greek legends. 267 00:12:34,600 --> 00:12:37,240 Well, he may have his head in the clouds, 268 00:12:37,240 --> 00:12:40,200 but he's got some great moves for an ancient fella. 269 00:12:40,200 --> 00:12:45,520 This is Greece and Ptolemy with A Sky Full Of Myths. 270 00:12:45,520 --> 00:12:49,080 TO THE TUNE OF: A Sky Full Of Stars by Coldplay 271 00:12:49,080 --> 00:12:50,880 Up there's a sky 272 00:12:50,880 --> 00:12:54,120 Up there's a sky full of myths 273 00:12:56,600 --> 00:12:58,640 I'm Ptolemy 274 00:12:58,640 --> 00:13:02,800 I wrote them down in a list 275 00:13:04,320 --> 00:13:09,320 If you look high and screw your eyes up a bit 276 00:13:12,040 --> 00:13:17,000 You will see all the myths 277 00:13:19,760 --> 00:13:21,520 Lyra's there 278 00:13:21,520 --> 00:13:24,680 It was played by Orpheus 279 00:13:27,360 --> 00:13:33,440 Pegasus and Perseus too 280 00:13:35,120 --> 00:13:37,280 That one's a bull 281 00:13:37,280 --> 00:13:40,640 That we call Taurus 282 00:13:40,640 --> 00:13:47,920 That bull is Zeu-eu-eu-eu-s 283 00:13:48,880 --> 00:13:52,520 Just think of constellations like big dot-to-dots, man. 284 00:13:52,520 --> 00:13:53,760 That one's Hercules 285 00:13:53,760 --> 00:13:56,200 or Heracles if you're saying it properly. 286 00:13:56,200 --> 00:13:58,360 There's Cancer - the crab that bit Heracles' foot. 287 00:13:58,360 --> 00:14:00,640 Leo the lion that Heracles killed. 288 00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:02,040 Triangulum, the... 289 00:14:02,040 --> 00:14:03,080 ..triangle. 290 00:14:03,080 --> 00:14:04,760 Well, they can't all be great stories. 291 00:14:05,800 --> 00:14:07,680 Over there 292 00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:11,200 That lot are Cassiopeia 293 00:14:13,560 --> 00:14:21,000 The Great Bear's up there too-oo-oo-oo 294 00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:23,200 Cos in the sky 295 00:14:23,200 --> 00:14:26,280 The Greeks, we put all the myths 296 00:14:26,280 --> 00:14:32,960 All our stories on view Ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh... 297 00:14:35,920 --> 00:14:41,400 I wrote down 48 constellations in my 150 AD book, The Almagest. 298 00:14:41,400 --> 00:14:42,880 So, What does it mean? 299 00:14:42,880 --> 00:14:44,360 Oh, "The Greatest!" 300 00:14:44,360 --> 00:14:46,760 Is that referring to me or the stars? 301 00:14:46,760 --> 00:14:48,040 You decide. 302 00:14:48,040 --> 00:14:50,480 I think you know the answer. HE CLICKS HIS TONGUE 303 00:14:51,880 --> 00:14:53,600 Look up there 304 00:14:53,600 --> 00:14:57,640 Everywhere you see stars 305 00:14:58,800 --> 00:15:03,360 Well, if the clouds have blown through 306 00:15:03,360 --> 00:15:07,280 Ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh 307 00:15:07,280 --> 00:15:09,440 Up there's a sky 308 00:15:09,440 --> 00:15:12,400 Up there's a sky full of myths 309 00:15:12,400 --> 00:15:19,960 Oh, yeah And the moo-oo-oo-oo-oon! 310 00:15:19,960 --> 00:15:22,280 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 311 00:15:22,280 --> 00:15:26,520 Well, that is, hands down, the best song I've ever heard... 312 00:15:26,520 --> 00:15:29,480 ..about an ancient Greek bloke naming stars after Greek myths. 313 00:15:29,480 --> 00:15:30,880 LAUGHTER But here we go - 314 00:15:30,880 --> 00:15:34,200 it's the English entry, and it's a family affair, 315 00:15:34,200 --> 00:15:37,480 with Henry VIII and his whole Tudor royal family. 316 00:15:37,480 --> 00:15:41,000 They've written a song about one of the big issues of their day, 317 00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:44,840 choosing which form of Christianity the country should follow - 318 00:15:44,840 --> 00:15:47,760 Protestantism or Catholicism. 319 00:15:47,760 --> 00:15:50,160 It makes some really good points, 320 00:15:50,160 --> 00:15:52,960 which is funny because I doubt it's going to get any points, 321 00:15:52,960 --> 00:15:55,280 especially from the Pope. CHEERING 322 00:15:55,280 --> 00:15:57,520 This track is an absolute banger. 323 00:15:57,520 --> 00:15:59,160 TO THE TUNE OF: No Scrubs by TLC 324 00:15:59,160 --> 00:16:01,640 The Pope is a guy God thinks is fine 325 00:16:01,640 --> 00:16:04,400 He's also a real good friend of mine 326 00:16:04,400 --> 00:16:06,880 "Defender of the Faith", he calls me 327 00:16:06,880 --> 00:16:09,720 Cos I'm such a great Catholic, see? 328 00:16:09,720 --> 00:16:12,400 Then I got bored of Catherine 329 00:16:12,400 --> 00:16:14,840 And I wanted to marry Anne 330 00:16:14,840 --> 00:16:17,400 Then The Pope said cos I'm Catholic 331 00:16:17,400 --> 00:16:19,520 I gotta be a one-woman man 332 00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:22,640 So, no, I don't want no Pope 333 00:16:22,640 --> 00:16:25,720 The Pope is a guy that can't get no love from me 334 00:16:25,720 --> 00:16:27,680 Gonna split from the Catholics 335 00:16:27,680 --> 00:16:31,320 Now the head of the English Church...is me... 336 00:16:33,040 --> 00:16:35,960 Ah, I can die happy and pass the church onto my Protestant son. 337 00:16:35,960 --> 00:16:37,520 Give em hell, Edward! 338 00:16:40,280 --> 00:16:43,400 HE COUGHS AND WHEEZES 339 00:16:43,400 --> 00:16:45,080 Ugh... 340 00:16:45,080 --> 00:16:47,600 Awkward! Mary time. 341 00:16:47,600 --> 00:16:50,360 Then Brother Eddie perished 342 00:16:50,360 --> 00:16:52,840 And Now the country's mine 343 00:16:52,840 --> 00:16:55,160 And Cos I was brought up Catholic 344 00:16:55,160 --> 00:16:57,480 I'll change it back one more time 345 00:16:57,480 --> 00:17:00,600 Cos, oh, how I love the Pope 346 00:17:00,600 --> 00:17:04,040 The Pope is the guy who reps my God for me 347 00:17:04,040 --> 00:17:07,000 And if you don't agree, that's totally fine 348 00:17:07,000 --> 00:17:09,600 I'll just burn you for heresy... 349 00:17:09,600 --> 00:17:12,240 Ah, Lizzie in the house! 350 00:17:12,240 --> 00:17:13,520 Yeah! 351 00:17:13,520 --> 00:17:16,160 Now Mary died, the country's mine 352 00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:18,560 How will we pray? I must decide 353 00:17:18,560 --> 00:17:21,440 Born Protestant, raised with Catholics 354 00:17:21,440 --> 00:17:24,240 I really can see both sides 355 00:17:24,240 --> 00:17:26,840 Sure If I trash the Catholics 356 00:17:26,840 --> 00:17:29,440 Then The whole church is mine 357 00:17:29,440 --> 00:17:31,840 And If they don't obey me 358 00:17:31,840 --> 00:17:34,040 I'll charge them a hefty fine 359 00:17:34,040 --> 00:17:37,160 So, no, I don't want no Pope 360 00:17:37,160 --> 00:17:40,520 The English Church should all be about me 361 00:17:40,520 --> 00:17:42,360 Head of church and state 362 00:17:42,360 --> 00:17:43,520 That sounds great 363 00:17:43,520 --> 00:17:47,000 Call it Act of Supremacy 364 00:17:48,280 --> 00:17:50,680 I don't want no Pope Oh... 365 00:17:50,680 --> 00:17:53,360 No, sirree 366 00:17:53,360 --> 00:17:58,400 But what will happen after me? 367 00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:01,600 Get out! 368 00:18:01,600 --> 00:18:03,560 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 369 00:18:03,560 --> 00:18:05,960 Honestly, I can't see any other country 370 00:18:05,960 --> 00:18:08,760 having something to match Queen Elizabeth I. 371 00:18:08,760 --> 00:18:10,680 On to our next entry now. 372 00:18:10,680 --> 00:18:13,680 It's Spain, and Queen Elizabeth I. 373 00:18:13,680 --> 00:18:17,280 What?! She's representing Spain as well?! 374 00:18:17,280 --> 00:18:20,560 I don't care if it is a duet with King Philip II of Spain. 375 00:18:20,560 --> 00:18:22,720 Surely that's against the rules. 376 00:18:22,720 --> 00:18:25,880 Ah, well. Here's Liz and Phil with a song 377 00:18:25,880 --> 00:18:28,840 all about their countries' great rivalry. 378 00:18:28,840 --> 00:18:30,680 Good luck, everyone. 379 00:18:30,680 --> 00:18:31,960 WHISPERING: Let's just say 380 00:18:31,960 --> 00:18:34,040 these two don't get along. 381 00:18:34,040 --> 00:18:35,840 Oh... CHEERING 382 00:18:35,840 --> 00:18:38,880 ROCK MUSIC PLAYS 383 00:18:46,640 --> 00:18:49,480 I'm Philip the Second I'm the King of Spain 384 00:18:49,480 --> 00:18:52,400 I'm Liz the First and over England I reign 385 00:18:52,400 --> 00:18:55,200 I married your sister, Mary One 386 00:18:55,200 --> 00:18:58,000 But I'm Queen now that she has gone 387 00:18:58,000 --> 00:19:00,880 I need a new wife You're the perfect fit 388 00:19:00,880 --> 00:19:03,560 Apart from the "not being a Catholic" bit 389 00:19:03,560 --> 00:19:06,680 If we get together, our countries can be friends 390 00:19:06,680 --> 00:19:08,680 And if I say no? 391 00:19:08,680 --> 00:19:11,400 The friendship ends 392 00:19:15,120 --> 00:19:16,960 Ah, you're everything I'm looking for 393 00:19:16,960 --> 00:19:18,440 It's an easy decision 394 00:19:18,440 --> 00:19:21,000 All you gotta do is change your religion 395 00:19:21,000 --> 00:19:24,160 You know what, Philip? I'll take my chances 396 00:19:24,160 --> 00:19:26,960 I'm not interested in having romances 397 00:19:26,960 --> 00:19:29,680 Europe ain't big enough for the both of us 398 00:19:29,680 --> 00:19:32,400 If that's the way you want it, I can cause a fuss 399 00:19:32,400 --> 00:19:35,600 I got the power of the Spanish Empire I can deploy, yeah 400 00:19:35,600 --> 00:19:40,320 Well, I'll do everything I can just to annoy ya... 401 00:19:40,320 --> 00:19:42,400 SHE HOLDS A HIGH NOTE 402 00:19:42,400 --> 00:19:44,440 Yeah! SHE BLOWS A RASPBERRY 403 00:19:44,440 --> 00:19:47,160 BOTH: You and me, a rivalry 404 00:19:47,160 --> 00:19:50,120 A war of words A war at sea 405 00:19:50,120 --> 00:19:53,040 I'll send Francis Drake to steal your treasure 406 00:19:53,040 --> 00:19:55,880 I'll back your enemies for good measure 407 00:19:55,880 --> 00:19:58,840 I'll be supporting loads of Catholic plots 408 00:19:58,840 --> 00:20:01,240 To have you replaced with Mary, Queen of the Scots 409 00:20:01,240 --> 00:20:04,320 Oh, do what you like That don't scare me much 410 00:20:04,320 --> 00:20:07,560 I'll get you involved in a war with the Dutch 411 00:20:07,560 --> 00:20:10,240 Let's see how you cope with my Spanish Armada 412 00:20:10,240 --> 00:20:16,240 Ha! Is that all you've got? You're gonna have to try harder... 413 00:20:16,240 --> 00:20:18,760 Ha-ha-ha! Yeah! 414 00:20:18,760 --> 00:20:21,760 OK, so my armada turned out not to be a threat 415 00:20:21,760 --> 00:20:24,560 And actually landed me in quite a bit of debt 416 00:20:24,560 --> 00:20:27,480 We'll turn the screw and send our own fleet 417 00:20:27,480 --> 00:20:30,400 And lose 40 ships and have to retreat 418 00:20:30,400 --> 00:20:33,240 Is this constant warring ever gonna end? 419 00:20:33,240 --> 00:20:36,240 Could've been so different if we could have been friends 420 00:20:36,240 --> 00:20:39,000 So let's both die before hostilities cease 421 00:20:39,000 --> 00:20:41,480 And leave it to our successors 422 00:20:41,480 --> 00:20:44,440 To work out peace... 423 00:20:46,240 --> 00:20:48,080 Yeah! 424 00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:50,640 BOTH: You and me, a rivalry 425 00:20:50,640 --> 00:20:53,720 A war of words A war at sea 426 00:20:53,720 --> 00:20:56,720 Protestant Liz, Catholic Phil 427 00:20:56,720 --> 00:21:02,080 Both going in for the kill! 428 00:21:02,080 --> 00:21:05,040 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 429 00:21:05,040 --> 00:21:08,600 I'm hearing that Phil has offered to put their rivalry behind them 430 00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:11,360 and asked Liz to marry him. AUDIENCE: Aww! 431 00:21:11,360 --> 00:21:12,760 Beautiful! 432 00:21:12,760 --> 00:21:14,400 And Liz has said... 433 00:21:15,680 --> 00:21:17,680 Ahh! Yikes! 434 00:21:17,680 --> 00:21:20,080 I'm not reading that out! AUDIENCE: Ooh... 435 00:21:20,080 --> 00:21:23,840 Let's just say she said no and move on. 436 00:21:23,840 --> 00:21:25,680 It's France's entry next, 437 00:21:25,680 --> 00:21:28,360 and it's another song by royal appointment. 438 00:21:28,360 --> 00:21:30,600 It's Queen Eleanor of Aquitaine, 439 00:21:30,600 --> 00:21:34,800 the only woman ever to have been queen of both France and England. 440 00:21:34,800 --> 00:21:38,880 She was a great queen, but she was an even greater mum. 441 00:21:38,880 --> 00:21:41,040 And she's got some moves, too. 442 00:21:41,040 --> 00:21:43,640 If this is half as good as it was in rehearsal, 443 00:21:43,640 --> 00:21:46,280 you are in for a treat. 444 00:21:46,280 --> 00:21:48,360 I'm Henry, the Young King. 445 00:21:48,360 --> 00:21:50,960 King Richard! King John, yeah! And this is our mum. 446 00:21:50,960 --> 00:21:52,280 TO THE TUNE OF: Crazy In Love by Beyonce 447 00:21:52,280 --> 00:21:53,440 Eleanor of Aquitaine 448 00:21:53,440 --> 00:21:56,440 My name's Queen Eleanor of Aquitaine 449 00:21:56,440 --> 00:22:01,200 Oh-oh-oh-oh, no, no Oh-oh-oh-oh 450 00:22:01,200 --> 00:22:03,360 First up, I was the Queen of France, 451 00:22:03,360 --> 00:22:05,840 Wife of King Louis Seven, was a bad romance 452 00:22:05,840 --> 00:22:08,440 Took a boat all the way across to England 453 00:22:08,440 --> 00:22:10,800 Gave the English king over there my hand 454 00:22:10,800 --> 00:22:13,400 Was my wish to be a really great mum 455 00:22:13,400 --> 00:22:15,760 Had boys - Henry, Richard, and John 456 00:22:15,760 --> 00:22:18,000 But a happy family was an odd thing 457 00:22:18,000 --> 00:22:20,600 Henry started up a war with his dad, the king 458 00:22:20,600 --> 00:22:23,040 Had to choose between my husband and my son 459 00:22:23,040 --> 00:22:25,320 That's a no-brainer for a mum 460 00:22:25,320 --> 00:22:27,840 I chose to try and help my boy, Henry, to reign 461 00:22:27,840 --> 00:22:30,400 So my hubby threw me into jail A shame 462 00:22:30,400 --> 00:22:32,240 Eleanor of Aquitaine 463 00:22:32,240 --> 00:22:35,080 My name's Queen Eleanor of Aquitaine 464 00:22:35,080 --> 00:22:37,080 Three sons, they all want to reign 465 00:22:37,080 --> 00:22:40,040 My name's Queen Eleanor of Aquitaine 466 00:22:40,040 --> 00:22:44,560 Oh-oh-oh-oh, no, no Oh-oh-oh-oh 467 00:22:44,560 --> 00:22:47,040 Young Henry died of dysentery... PFFFRT! 468 00:22:47,040 --> 00:22:49,600 My son, Richard, now King, set me free 469 00:22:49,600 --> 00:22:52,080 He didn't care about finding a young wife 470 00:22:52,080 --> 00:22:54,520 Seems he had a better plan for his own life 471 00:22:54,520 --> 00:22:56,920 Soon he went across the seas on a crusade 472 00:22:56,920 --> 00:22:59,280 Helped to rule in his place What an accolade 473 00:22:59,280 --> 00:23:01,840 He got captured far away in another land 474 00:23:01,840 --> 00:23:04,320 Then things at home got out of hand 475 00:23:04,320 --> 00:23:06,600 Cos my boy, Johnny, got greedy 476 00:23:06,600 --> 00:23:08,920 Soon invaded, took a castle or two or three 477 00:23:08,920 --> 00:23:11,280 Told everyone his bro, King Rich, was dead 478 00:23:11,280 --> 00:23:13,960 And England was now his land instead 479 00:23:13,960 --> 00:23:15,840 Eleanor of Aquitaine 480 00:23:15,840 --> 00:23:18,640 My name's Queen Eleanor of Aquitaine 481 00:23:18,640 --> 00:23:20,720 Three sons, they all want to reign 482 00:23:20,720 --> 00:23:23,640 My name's Queen Eleanor of Aquitaine 483 00:23:23,640 --> 00:23:27,800 Oh-oh-oh-oh, no, no Oh-oh-oh-oh 484 00:23:27,800 --> 00:23:30,480 I guess John was lying, saying Richard had died 485 00:23:30,480 --> 00:23:32,920 Travelled to Austria to be by his side 486 00:23:32,920 --> 00:23:35,120 To set him free, I paid for his release 487 00:23:35,120 --> 00:23:37,800 Bought him all the way home, said this fighting must cease 488 00:23:37,800 --> 00:23:40,120 Made my boys promise to always be friends 489 00:23:40,120 --> 00:23:42,720 Gave Richard his crown back to his peaceful end 490 00:23:42,720 --> 00:23:44,680 Then I supported my youngest, King John 491 00:23:44,680 --> 00:23:47,920 Tell you, ain't no job harder than being a mum 492 00:23:47,920 --> 00:23:50,800 Oh-oh-oh-oh, no, no. 493 00:23:50,800 --> 00:23:52,360 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 494 00:23:52,360 --> 00:23:53,680 Yaaas, Queen! 495 00:23:53,680 --> 00:23:55,400 I think we may have just seen the winner, 496 00:23:55,400 --> 00:23:58,360 but you never know, because we're about to go old school 497 00:23:58,360 --> 00:24:00,160 with the Ancient Egyptian entry. 498 00:24:00,160 --> 00:24:02,760 Before there were kings and queens in Europe, 499 00:24:02,760 --> 00:24:05,000 there were pharaohs in Ancient Egypt. 500 00:24:05,000 --> 00:24:07,760 And we have three of them here tonight - 501 00:24:07,760 --> 00:24:12,080 Ramesses II, Hatshepsut and Tutankhamun - 502 00:24:12,080 --> 00:24:14,600 singing Ancient Egypt's entry. 503 00:24:14,600 --> 00:24:18,520 It's a fun little number about what pharaohs do when they're dead. 504 00:24:18,520 --> 00:24:21,240 Honestly, couldn't they have chosen a cheerier subject? 505 00:24:21,240 --> 00:24:25,000 But everyone will be humming this tune at the afterparty. 506 00:24:25,000 --> 00:24:27,520 Not to mention the afterlife. 507 00:24:30,000 --> 00:24:33,680 TO THE TUNE OF: Gangster's Paradise by Coolio 508 00:24:40,840 --> 00:24:43,600 We all know we're heading to the Valley of Death 509 00:24:43,600 --> 00:24:46,800 We want eternal life after our last breath 510 00:24:46,800 --> 00:24:49,560 Cos I've been a pharaoh Got a Neme on my head 511 00:24:49,560 --> 00:24:52,760 But when we die, we need help from the Book of the Dead 512 00:24:52,760 --> 00:24:55,600 It's a magic scroll of hymns to the sun god, Ra 513 00:24:55,600 --> 00:24:58,760 To help us through the afterlife There's many things we must say 514 00:24:58,760 --> 00:25:01,840 Like, "I've never uttered lies, never been an eavesdropper" 515 00:25:01,840 --> 00:25:05,080 "I have never raised my voice Lived my life so proper" 516 00:25:05,080 --> 00:25:07,640 Every text is different Written for each soul 517 00:25:07,640 --> 00:25:10,720 But you know, in the end, we only got one goal 518 00:25:10,720 --> 00:25:13,520 These rules will remind us once we cease to be 519 00:25:13,520 --> 00:25:16,600 And help us live in peace for all eternity 520 00:25:16,600 --> 00:25:17,640 Unh! 521 00:25:17,640 --> 00:25:23,440 ALL: Been waiting all our lives to get into Pharaoh's Paradise 522 00:25:23,440 --> 00:25:29,160 These words will be our guide to living in a Pharaoh's Paradise 523 00:25:34,560 --> 00:25:37,680 Spells are written on tomb walls Inside our mummy wrappings 524 00:25:37,680 --> 00:25:40,840 Even in gold masks and other Pharaoh trappings 525 00:25:40,840 --> 00:25:43,760 Cos getting into Paradise, you know it ain't easy 526 00:25:43,760 --> 00:25:45,640 Your heart is weighed against the feather 527 00:25:45,640 --> 00:25:46,880 Hope it ain't breezy 528 00:25:46,880 --> 00:25:49,680 Then we all board a ferry, cross the Lily Lake 529 00:25:49,680 --> 00:25:52,760 To the Field of Reeds the Ferryman will take us 530 00:25:52,760 --> 00:25:55,600 Then we'll meet our friends and old beloved pets 531 00:25:55,600 --> 00:25:58,720 In the Field of Reeds we'll have eternal rest, yeah 532 00:25:58,720 --> 00:26:01,760 Yeah, death ain't nothing but a new form of living 533 00:26:01,760 --> 00:26:04,960 So glad we got the Book of the Dead and the advice it's giving 534 00:26:04,960 --> 00:26:07,960 I'm 18 now But will I ever see 20, though? 535 00:26:07,960 --> 00:26:11,520 You better hurry with my book Don't be slow, mm 536 00:26:11,520 --> 00:26:17,440 Been waiting all our lives to get into Pharaoh's Paradise 537 00:26:17,440 --> 00:26:23,480 These words will be our guide to living in a Pharaoh's Paradise 538 00:26:23,480 --> 00:26:28,680 Been spending most our lives avoiding dangerous crocodiles... 539 00:26:28,680 --> 00:26:29,720 ROARING 540 00:26:29,720 --> 00:26:34,880 Preparing all our lives for living in a Pharaoh's Paradise. 541 00:26:34,880 --> 00:26:36,520 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 542 00:26:36,520 --> 00:26:39,440 Well, the votes have been counted and verified, 543 00:26:39,440 --> 00:26:41,720 and I'm ready to announce the winner. 544 00:26:41,720 --> 00:26:42,840 Not that it matters, 545 00:26:42,840 --> 00:26:45,840 because music and history are the real winners here 546 00:26:45,840 --> 00:26:49,360 and none of our entries really mind about the results. 547 00:26:49,360 --> 00:26:51,720 BLADES SWISH, HE GASPS 548 00:26:51,720 --> 00:26:53,280 Er... HE GULPS 549 00:26:53,280 --> 00:26:56,960 And the winner of the first - and most probably last - ever 550 00:26:56,960 --> 00:27:00,840 Rat-O-Vision Song Contest is... 551 00:27:00,840 --> 00:27:03,360 DRUM ROLL Er... 552 00:27:03,360 --> 00:27:04,720 ..everyone! What?! BOOING 553 00:27:04,720 --> 00:27:07,800 Yeah, you all won so everyone can relax, and... 554 00:27:07,800 --> 00:27:11,000 I won! BICKERING AND FIGHTING 555 00:27:11,000 --> 00:27:14,000 Oh. Well, at least they're fighting each other and not me. 556 00:27:14,000 --> 00:27:16,320 I think I'll sneak out while they're not looking. 557 00:27:16,320 --> 00:27:18,480 And if no-one else wants that trophy... 558 00:27:18,480 --> 00:27:19,760 ..I'm having it! 559 00:27:19,760 --> 00:27:21,560 Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! 560 00:27:23,200 --> 00:27:25,560 It'll be the next language 561 00:27:25,560 --> 00:27:28,600 of international...languages. 562 00:27:28,600 --> 00:27:30,520 LAUGHTER 563 00:27:32,320 --> 00:27:34,200 THEY LAUGH 564 00:27:34,200 --> 00:27:37,000 The past is no longer a mystery 565 00:27:37,000 --> 00:27:38,320 Hope you enjoyed 566 00:27:38,320 --> 00:27:41,600 Horrible Histories! 567 00:27:41,650 --> 00:27:46,200 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 41721

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