Original subtitles

You realize no one on DKSTR uses their family vacation

photos as their profile pic, right?

But it's just me in the picture.

Yeah, but it's really obvious you cropped them out.

You messaged me.

How could I not?

Your pictures were hot.

Thanks. My my son took most of those

when we were in New York last year.

Oh, your son. How old is he?

Twenty one.

Does he know that you're dating guys his age?

No, he doesn't meet the guys I date.

Does he know you're gay?

He does!

Is he cute?

You want to know if I think my son is cute?

Yeah!

Actually, yes, he is pretty cute.

Can I see a picture of him?

What for?

Context.

Oh, he is pretty cute.

OK, I guess good looks run in the family.

Do you want me to set the two of you up?

Is he gay?

Not that I'm aware of.

Damn. I guess you'll have to do then.

Cheeky, cheeky, cheeky.

Here--

Try this. Blow first.

Is it good?

Have you ever been on a date

with older men?

No.

How come?

I don't know. I never pictured myself with someone older.

That's a shame.

Why is that?

I will give you three reasons why.

One, we're just as fun as the younger guys.

Two--

We have more money.

And three--

We last longer.

I'll give you two out of three.

You're going to have to convince me of the third.

And which one is that?

Guess you'll have to wait to find out.

Fair enough. But I will tell you this,

I have plenty of witnesses to back me up.

Huh. Were they are young like me?

I had to make up for lost time somehow.

What does that mean?

It means I didn't come out until after--

I had my two kids and divorced my wife.

How long ago was that?

Seven years.

Wow, what took so long?

I was completely happy with the life I had until I wasn't.

There came a point when I realized that I was living someone else's life.

And I wanted out. So I did that.

I did exactly that,

broke my family's heart along the way.

But, I had to do it.

What brought it on?

Well, I always knew that I liked men,

but I didn't give it much thought.

And it wasn't until I started seeing more gay men come out in public

that I realized I want what they had.

And it wasn't a hard realization, like something clicked.

You know, like I said, the hardest part was telling my family,

Are you still close with them?

Yeah, I'm very close with my wife.

And my kids still visit when they're in town.

But it was a-- It took us a long time to get there.

Can I help?

No--

You sit your cute little butt in that chair.

What about the sex?

What about the sex?

With your wife--

was it ever an issue?

Nah, nah, never.

Did you love her?

Still do.

That's sweet. I've never been with a girl before.

Never?

Would you ever sleep with a woman again?

Now, why would I do that

when I can have something even better with cute guys like you?

You realize how pervy that sounds, right?

Judging by the flush in your cheeks,

I don't think you're going to have a problem with that.

Easy, tiger.

OK, stop. Hey, woah--

stop, stop.

Stop!

When I say stop, I mean stop.

I thought it's what you wanted.

You know what? Let's, eh, let's, um...

Let's just forget it. Let's eat.

I'm sorry, I should go.

Wha-- you're leaving so soon?

I should go home.

Hey, hey, look.

I'm so sorry I snapped at you, that wasn't fair.

It's fine.

No, no, no, it's not.

Please let me let me make it up to you. Stay.

I can't.

Hey, come on--

What's the matter?

Nothing.

Hey, come on. Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Get out of my way.

It's OK. You can talk to me.

Why would I talk to you? You don't care.

I'm sorry, if you want to go, then, then go.

You know how you asked me--

If I'd ever been on a date with an older guy before?

I lied. The truth is, I've been with lots of older guys.

Why wouldn't you just tell me that?

Because I'm ashamed.

What are you ashamed of?

I don't know?

The other guys are not as nice as you are.

What does that mean?

This is stupid, I don't know why I'm telling you this.

Hey Derek, come here.

Sit.

Talk to me. I'm here.

The other guys, they--

do things to me.

And I have let them.

Things I shouldn't.

I don't have to think when I'm reckless.

I only have to feel.

And I hate myself for it,

but at least they remind me I'm still worth something.

The sick part is I can never get enough.

I'd rather be with these men

who treat me like nothing than be...

Alone.

Pretty much.

I pushed away all the people who ever cared about me.

I thought I was better off without them.

The guys I talk to now don't even care about me.

Why would you go back?

Because it's all I deserve.

You are safe with me, I promise.

Why are you being so nice to me?

Because I want to be.

And you deserve that.

Shall we eat?

Is it good?

So have you ever been in love before?

You think someone like me knows what love is?

I think you are one of the few people in this world who does.

There were two guys.

We're not friends anymore.

I could never hate you.

(Daniel Pratt - Trying to Be OK playing)

What happened?

They were too good for me.

- They were too good for me. - Ask myself what I miss more

How so?

- They knew how to love. - Thought of you, of you walking out the door

Thought of you, or you walking out the door

- You'll get there-- Thought of you, of you walking out the door

- You just have to learn how to love yourself first. Through the late fights and long nights

I don't know why I even cry

I didn't know we had a love that could even hurt this deep

I don't know how much my heart can take

I've been trying to get by, but it's fake

It's not like I would take you back,

things would be the same

Oh, I got to give it to you, love

You left your mark

Now I'm trying to be okay

I lost the remembrance of your face

All the times you cursed me to feel this place

People say I'm the best they've ever seen

Guess a man looks different when he finally breathes

'Cause I don't know how much my heart can take

I've been trying to get by, but it's fake

It's not like how I would take you back,

things would be the same

Oh, I got to give it to you, love

You left your mark

Now I'm trying to be okay

I'm just trying to be okay