Original subtitles

- Hey.

- What?

- Look who has decided to join us today.

- Oh, my god. What?

- Dude.

- Here, wait. Hold this.

I'll get him.

- Ew.

Izzy.

Gross.

- Um, what made you decide to come live in our house

and come up our fire escape?

Any-- any comments, concerns?

- Did it come from the garbage?

- I don't know.

- Dude, it probably has worms.

- You probably have worms.

It's so dirty.

We have to give it a bath.

Oh!

You're my little booger, huh?

Little freak.

- Hey, hun.

It's Joyce.

I'm looking for a picture for Izzy's memorial,

so I'm going to swing by tomorrow for her photo album,

OK?

- Hey, babe.

Just checking in.

Want me to come by or anything?

All right.

Let me know.

Love you.

- Uh, hello?

Yeah, this is Dennis.

Um, I'm very sorry for your loss,

but I did only receive half of your rent.

- Anna, hello.

It's Devin from work.

Remember work?

I need those project files.

Can you please respond to my email?

- This is a friendly reminder from Con Edison.

Your bill is past due.

- You can't ditch work and screen my calls.

Seriously, what is up with you?

- Fucking rat.

Stupid.

- It's Izzy.

I don't check my voicemail, so good luck to you.

- Well, look who's friends with Booger now.

She's peeing.

- Mummy's doing my laundry for me.

- --like pina coladas and getting caught in the--

- Oh, I just ran over a dead rat.

Oh, my god.

Oh, yeah. Ohh.

You guys are so dumb.

Wakey, wakey, eggs and bakey.

- Izzy.

Get out of here.

- Heh, heh, heh, my ankle.

Heh, heh, heh.

- When did you see me from one class?

What?

Girl, do better.

- This saga begins on a long, dark night.

- --being spooky.

- I'm being spooky.

- Come on, guys.

It's been like--

- --on a call. You can't send it.

- Well, maybe you should call her back then.

- Well--

- You know, not all penis look alike.

- Boog, no.

It's going to make you puke.

Stop licking it.

Ah!

Oh!

Ah, fuck!

Oh.

Oh, my god.

You're a dick.

Ugh.

Oh!

Where'd he go?

Boog!

Shit!

Ah!

Aw, man.

Boog?

I don't know where he went.

Boog!

Fuck!

Ugh, come on.

Boog!

Where did you go?

Booger!

Booger!

Have you guys seen a cat?

- No.

- Hi, Anna.

I'm glad I caught you

- Yeah, what's up?

- Where are you?

Are you outside? - No.

- OK, cool.

Um, Colleen is wanting to have these one-on-one meetings.

Do you think you're coming in today?

- Uh, no, I'm working from home.

- You need to come in.

We have the froyo pitch tomorrow.

Anna? Hello?

I can't see you. - Hey, Joyce.

- Oh.

You're awfully sweaty.

- Yeah, Booger got out.

- She scared the hell out of me at this age.

- That's the album you wanted, right?

- Uh-huh.

- OK, well, I should keep looking.

- Sweetie, come sit with me.

- Come on.

I swear, uh, this kid should have been on a leash.

- Mm-hmm.

- We found her at-- in another family's hotel room once.

- That's terrifying.

- It sure was.

Oh, god.

I look horrible in this photo.

That haircut made me look like a mushroom.

Also, a little bit like a penis.

- Huh?

- Like a penis.

It sure would have been nice if you girls had told me.

You want?

- Mm, I'm good.

- OK.

If I let my blood sugar drop, I'll pass out on the train.

It's happened before.

And it was not good.

I mean, it was bad.

Oh!

Here.

Here's the one I was thinking of for the memorial.

Wait, sweetie, what happened to your hand?

You're bleeding.

Oh, I'm going to come by later, and we'll clean out

Izzy's half of the apartment.

'Cause you have to think about what you're

going to do with the place, OK?

- Successfully stalked and ambushed her prey.

- Did you put red pepper on the whole thing?

- No.

- It's been a ghost.

- Not funny.

- It's sort of funny.

- Dragging it up to a tree for her cubs

to feed, away from scavengers--

- So--

- --and predators.

- --how come we haven't talked about Izzy?

- Can we watch this?

- There, he looks helpless.

This pup will soon--

- Ever think about getting time off?

Talk to your boss?

- No, I strategically talk to him as little as possible,

unlike you.

- Wait, are you talking about Jerry?

- Oh, my god.

- Jerry's barely a boss.

He's just a good communicator.

- Ugh.

- I love Jerry.

- OK, are we going to watch this or what?

- Oh, my god.

What happened to your hand?

- Nothing.

- I feel like something happened to your hand.

- Any adventure--

- That's a lot of blood for nothing.

- Danger is never far away.

- Do you have floss?

- Ugh.

- Babe?

- Ugh.

- Hello?

Do you have floss?

I've got pepper stuck to my teeth.

- Oh.

Uh-- gross.

- Thank you.

Fuck.

- Hmm.

I'm worried about Booger.

- Mm.

- He's probably fine.

- Hmm, mm.

He's-- he's fine.

- I think I'm going to go home.

- Mm.

What?

- Yeah, I can't--

I don't know.

I can't sleep.

- It's so late.

- Love you.

- OK.

- Booger!

Booger.

Boog?

Boog?

- Hey, stop that.

Monty, stop.

What's wrong with you?

Sorry. I'm sorry.

I don't know why she's doing this.

Sorry.

Chill out.

What are you doing?

- Dennis, you seen a cat?

- Rat? - Cat.

- Yeah, well, a rat keeps slipping through my fingers,

you know?

The hardest thing is, rats can multiply, man.

You know?

People don't know this, but, like, rats can actually--

they can decide whether or not to fertilize

their eggs during intercourse.

- Right.

- I've learned a lot about my enemy.

- Oh.

- That's the crazy thing about it, you know?

Yeah, they can decide.

- Oh, I've got water in my ear.

- My wife said not to do that, and then she left me.

So, whatever.

Oh, my god!

Are you serious?

It ate a hole right through the can!

I'm gonna smash this thing with a hammer.

Oh, and, uh, hey, don't forget about your mail.

- Yeah.

- Your box is getting really full.

It's overflowing.

- Usually, the lighting's better if you go this way.

- Going on the third deck.

- Yes!

Yes, girls, get it!

- Stay aware of your surroundings.

- Oh, my god.

Wake up.

- Thank you.

- Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo.

- Please stop.

- Oh, no.

OK, wait.

Let's do the--

Yep, our saga begins on a long, dark night.

--pina colada--

Whatcha doing, Boogie?

- You look crazy in the morning.

- --pina colada--

- See you.

Get out of here.

- Oh, no, no, no.

You can't kitty cat just anything.

- Uh--

- You should say food motivated.

- Got it.

- And you should get a photo with a little more pizzazz,

you know? A little more pop?

Yeah, 'cause I'm sorry to say, this ain't it.

This sucks.

This isn't great.

Oh, come on.

Spring for color.

I mean, do they have blue eyes?

Do they have green eyes?

No one's going to be able to tell.

- Right.

- He looks a little scared here.

Like, maybe he sees spirits?

Does he see spirits?

He looks like a spirit cat.

My little Esmeralda, she was a spirit cat.

She always had this look in her eye, too.

Does he have a hobby of some sort?

You know, like laser tag or biscuit making?

- Uh, no, he's not even my cat.

- Peeing in the toilet? - He's my friend's.

- Knitting or-- - And she's dead.

- Oh, my god.

I wasn't expecting that twist.

Oh, come here.

You must be a wreck.

- I'm not a wreck.

- Oh, you're a wreck.

You're a huge wreck.

You're-- you're like a 9/11.

- OK, well, thanks for those six suggestions about the flyer.

- Look. Look at me.

Look at me, OK?

I'll get up to here.

You two need each other more than you know.

Because he knows where he belongs.

You know where that is?

That's right there!

Right there in the heart.

It's called the heart.

Ba-boom, ba-boom.

- I'm leaving.

- OK, great.

- Ooh!

Wow.

- Maybe one of those people that pees in the subway.

- I'm not--

I will-- everyone-- everyone pees--

- Help, I'm trapped.

I can't get out.

Isn't she beautiful?

I love my beautiful friend.

Oh, thank you. Go away.

- I think you broke the tip.

Boogie in a bag.

- Our saga begins on a long, dark night.

Why are you asking me?

- This flyer sucks.

You should say food motivated.

Come on, spring for color.

- Has anyone else seen Anna?

What is going on with her?

She can't just come in whenever she wants.

- I think she's still in there.

- Ugh!

Oh, my god.

Anna.

- Uh--

- Um, this is crazy.

I-- I was just going to call you.

- Yeah, no, I was just, uh, popping in to print some stuff.

- OK, well, um-- - So.

- Colleen's finally here.

- Oh!

- I'll check if she's free.

- Awesome.

- OK.

Don't move.

- Sorry about your cat.

- Yeah, so he always wanted to go to the woods.

So Ricky and I are thinking of doing a Catskills weekend

for Jerry's bachelor party.

Maybe we do, like--

I don't know-- wood carving.

What if we wood carved?

Right?

Or do you think whittling and alcohol

is a little too dangerous?

Do you?

- Do I what?

- Whittling.

- Who's whittling?

- Everybody will be whittling.

I'll be whittling.

Ricky will be whittling.

Scott will be whittling.

Keith will be whittling.

Jerry will be whittling.

Everybody.

Every single person in that cabin

will have a small carving knife for whittling.

- I have a headache. - So?

You can have a headache in a conversation.

I'm not trying to talk to a wall.

- I just feel, ugh, kind of awful.

- Oh, hey.

You and Izzy's karaoke song.

And getting caught in the rain

- Stop.

- You sure?

Mm.

Yoga

Come on, sing it. - Max.

- If you have half a brain

- My god.

- If you like making love at midnight

- Stop.

- In the dunes of the cave

- Nice memories, I guess.

- I guess.

- Write to me and escape

- Um.

You know what?

I have an idea.

I want to read you something. - Oh, my god.

Are you going to read me your diary in a bar?

- I'm going to read you my journal in a bar.

- You start off with a prompt.

Like, today, I'm really missing Izzy.

I miss how easily she laughs, even when my jokes are stupid.

- I even miss how late she was every day because she

would always bring snacks.

I miss all of the stupid videos she took, but most of all,

I miss how good she was at talking to old people.

Like, remember that dude with the beret?

- Yeah, I remember that, dude.

- OK, all right.

Well, just try to stay on that page.

All right.

- What?

You can't journal about Izzy.

- Why not?

- It's messed up?

- Journaling is the opposite of messed up.

- You're, like, co-opting my feelings.

- No, those are my feelings.

You don't get to own sadness.

- OK, Max. - Yeah?

- You don't get to feel this for me

and, like, perform it at happy hour.

- What are you talking about? She was my friend, too.

- Your friend?

She thought you were annoying.

- Everybody knows I'm not annoying at all.

Whoa.

Where are you going?

Ugh.

What the fuck is that, man?

- You OK in there?

- Go away.

Ugh.

- Are you vomiting?

- No!

- There's a line.

- And, uh, red potatoes and ketchup with French fries.

Ew.

Ah!

Ew.

Ah.

Ah.

Ow.

Ow.

Ow.

Ooh.

Oh.

Just a sec, Joyce!

- Well, your little box can only hold so much.

- OK.

- No, there could be important documents in here.

Slow down, OK? There could be, like--

I don't know-- bills, coupons, even,

for electronic toothbrushes, maybe panties,

and all kinds of things. - Are you reading my mail?

- Am I? Uh--

- Dude.

- So is this your apartment next week, or?

- No, no, I live here.

OK?

I am living here.

- Yeah.

- So, go.

- I just-- wha--

- Insensitive asshole. - Oh!

Oh!

I heard that.

- Anna?

Anna, it's Joyce.

Thought I'd save a stamp.

I know I'm-- you know,

I'm not a graphic designer or anything.

- No, it's nice.

- Oh, good.

I'm glad you like it.

Did you ever come across her phone?

It's so bizarre.

I thought I had it, but--

- No, I haven't seen it.

- I keep thinking that she's lost her phone again.

And this is all just a blip in communication.

I keep waiting for her to call or something, you know?

- Yeah.

- I feel so horrible.

- Hey, you didn't do anything.

- I mean, you know how she always has the next big

thing. - Here.

- Thanks.

You know, her next move, and we'd all--

we'd all be like, come on, Izzy.

Get real.

And this time, it was an art therapy master's degree

in New Mexico.

Deep down, I--

I didn't even want to hear anything about it.

You know, she'd never been more than a few hours away from me.

She was all excited, but I had to talk to the lady

at Zabar's because you never know if there's more schmears

or that's it in the fridge.

I told her that I'd have to call her back when I was sitting down

at my computer.

And by the time I called, I--

she didn't answer.

She never answered, obviously.

- Wow.

- Yeah.

- She wanted to move.

- Oh, whoa.

OK.

Here.

Here, here, here.

You're OK.

- Ugh.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Do you want to, um--

do you want to get dinner? My treat.

- Now?

- Yeah, now I'm starving.

Aren't you?

- I gotta work.

- Ah.

- Yeah, deadlines and stuff.

- Too bad.

Oh.

Um, I'll get the rest of Izzy's things later.

I guess I just--

I won't see you until the memorial, then.

- Yeah, I guess not.

- Although I could, um--

maybe you could come over early because I

could use a hand, you know, because we have to, you know,

have something to eat.

- Right--

- And obviously, that has to be plated.

- Of course.

- All righty.

So, um, all right.

Thanks, honey.

Ugh.

Yikes.

- I am into champagne

Woo!

- If you like making love at midnight

In the dunes

- What-- Anna.

Hello?

Love at midnight

What's up, baby?

- Plan our escape - Get me out of here.

Get me out of here.

- Plan our escape

- Boogie.

Boogie.

Ugh.

- Hello?

We live here now.

- Anna, you home?

You had the choices.

Anna?

Are you there?

OK, guess not.

- Knock, knock.

Heard we had a leak in here.

Uh, hello?

Jeez.

OK, well.

There's the water.

- And that's what I'll always remember about Izzy.

- Hey. How are you feeling?

- OK.

- Good.

- Wonderful.

Thank you.

Would anyone else like to say something?

- Uh, maybe Anna?

Is-- is Anna here?

- Um, are you-- yeah, she's here.

- Oh!

There you are.

Anything you'd like to share?

Oh.

- I'm fine.

Yeah, I'll be right back.

- Um.

I-- I can--

I can say something.

- Oh, great!

Thank you, Max.

I guess I'll just read something from my journal.

- I miss how easily she laughed.

- Oh.

- And it's all of the stupid videos we took.

I even miss how late she was to everything because she

was always buying snacks.

But most of all, I miss how Izzy liked

to talk with the old people.

- Honey, what happened?

Oh!

You fainted?

There's blood.

Oh, no.

- I don't know what's happening to me.

- Have you eaten?

Sweetie, your blood sugar is-- oh, we have Milanos.

Paul, could you get the cookies?

Oh.

Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.

Hey, you can't keep it all inside, OK?

You'll just rot.

You'll rot.

- I'm mad at her.

- I know you are, sweetie.

- When she was going to leave me.

- Paul, the cookies!

I just-- you can't think like that, OK?

What's the point--

Paul!

Where is he?

Oh, lovey.

- Thank you.

- It's nothing.

Anna, um, do you think maybe you could call

me sometimes?

I'm very fond of you.

And I couldn't-- I can't--

I can't lose you, too.

- What took you so long?

She hasn't eaten all day.

- Yep.

I think we should do something to celebrate Izzy.

You know, just the two of us?

- What do you mean?

- I mean, it's karaoke time.

- Are you serious?

- Yeah, I'm serious.

- Max, I don't want to sing.

- I was tired of my lady

We'd been together too long

Like a worn out recording

Of a favorite song

So while she lay there sleeping

I read the paper in bed

And in the personal columns

There was a letter I read

If you like pina coladas

- What the fuck is this?

- It's a tribute for our friend.

I thought it would be nice. I don't know.

I just want you to get better.

- You can't make me better from Izzy dying.

- Hey, I'm just trying to help.

- How is this helpful?

- Whoa, chill.

- Don't tell me to chill!

This-- this whole thing is so fucked up!

- It's something, right?

I can't not try.

- Oh, you not trying would be, like, a million times better

than whatever the fuck this is.

- OK, well, how's that working out for you?

- Fuck you.

- You're refusing to feel feelings.

- Max, I'm telling you to stop.

- You're sitting there like this wall, and something happened.

- To me, not to you.

- How could you say that?

You're so fucking far away.

What was that at the memorial?

You can't say anything?

This was supposed to be your best friend.

- You mean, you can? - Of course I can.

People appreciated it.

- No, you don't know what people thought.

You don't know anything.

You're-- you're trying to recreate this whole thing that

you were never even a part of.

It's-- it's pathetic.

Oh, I'm so done.

Is this all my shit?

What the fuck, Dennis?

Dennis!

Dennis!

You can't kick me out!

This is illegal!

Dennis!

What, Devon?

- Anna?

Oh, I'm calling because I have to fire you.

Yeah, you're fired today.

This is the end.

And before you even think about it,

no, I will not be giving you a referral.

So you'll have to turn in your laptop.

I'll go over all the details.

Anna, are you there?

Hello?

- I love that sculpture.

It's so punk.

- It's not a sculpture.

It's a memorial.

- That's dope.

- For a dead person.

- Oh.

- It's from a bike accident.

- That sucks.

Hey.

Oh!

You got a little, uh--

you know.

uh, you got some--

something like a beautiful--

that's cool.

Oh, fuck.

- Oh, OK.

Fuck!

You're crazy.

You're fucking crazy.

Izzy?

- Yoo-hoo!

Anna, replace the toner?

Thank you.

- Ah, fuck.

- You can't smoke in here.

- No, they allow you to smoke in here!

Hello, you fucks!

Ooh.

Oh.

Ah!

Mm, ah.

Mm!

What the fuck?

You threw up in my fucking mouth.

Fuck.

- Occupied.

- How's your night going?

- Bad.

- Oh? - Yep.

- Cool.

- Mm-hmm.

- Thanks.

- Thank you.

Wow.

Hey, hey, hey. Yo, yo.

- Leave me alone.

- Uh, yeah, I would love to, but I

can't let you walk into traffic just because we're fighting

or broken up or--

what are you wearing?

- Oh, my god.

Are you-- OK, all right.

Are you going to-- oh, oh god.

Yeah.

Are you OK?

- Yeah?

- Yeah, I'm fine.

- OK.

- Oh, god.

Yeah.

Just let it out.

Let it out.

Yeah.

- Oh.

- Are you done?

- Yeah.

- You want to sit?

- Yeah.

- OK, OK, OK.

- I need help.

- Yeah, no shit.

You just threw up in the fucking playground.

You're not OK.

- I don't--

I thought I could find him before anyone knew he was gone,

but I

I get--

Ugh, what's happening to me?

- OK, OK. All right.

Take it easy.

- Oh.

OK.

I lost Booger.

I lost him.

- Booger?

What?

What are you talking--

why are you bringing up Booger?

- It's all my fault.

- OK, you're going through a lot.

But I can tell you that happened a long-ass time ago.

- What are you fucking talking about?

- Booger's been gone.

- Yeah, I know!

- For, like, two years!

- What?

- Yeah.

- But I left that stupid window o--

- Yeah, the window was open, and then me, you,

and Izzy went out to look for him for hours.

You have to remember it.

- It doesn't make sense.

- Are you serious?

Anna, look at me.

Booger's been gone.

And, yeah, I hope he's OK, but I don't know.

I feel like if he wanted to come back, he would have by now.

You're kind of scaring me.

OK, let's go.

You are confused and drunk.

And you are looking for a cat that doesn't exist.

- Yeah, looking for a cat that doesn't exist.

Don't follow me, or I'll get very mad.

Booger.

- You came back.

- I-- I-- I am--

I am putting a lot of money into this.

Yeah, yeah.

And I don't-- I don't have a regular job.

I mean, this is my job.

This is my life.

I go home every day, having to drink a fifth just

to fall asleep because my heart can't take it.

It's just continual agita.

And she was supposed to be here because we

have that new shipment of kittens coming from Guatemala.

I would-- I don't know if you believe in it, but I got the--

- No!

Hey!

- Boog.

Booger.

Boog.

Booger.

Boogie.

Booger.

Boogie.

Booger.

- OK.

- What was that?

OK, I got it.

- Our saga begins on a long, dark night.

- Yeah, keep--

- It was so long.

- What are you guys doing?

- Filming Izzy being spooky.

- I'm being spooky.

- Come on, guys.

It's been, like, two hours, and it's dark now.

- Yeah, it's only been a little bit.

He's just being a crazy little guy, having an adventure.

We have all the good treats at home,

so he'll be back in no time. Don't worry.

- Here, kitty, kitty.

- OK, let's look.

- We're done being spooky. - OK.

- Let's go look for Boog. - Yeah, cool.

- Booger. - Boogie.

- Boog.

- Booger.

- Boog.

- Booger.

- Boogs.

Boogie!

- You're OK.

- Hi, you've reached Joyce.

Please leave a message.

- It's-- hi, Joyce, it's Anna.

Um, I'm calling like you asked.

And I also--

I have something that should be yours.

So, maybe we could get that dinner.

OK, bye.

I like pina coladas

And getting caught in the rain

And the feel of the ocean

And the taste of champagne

If you like making love at midnight

In the dunes on the cape

You're the lady I've looked for

Write to me and escape

If you like pina coladas

And getting caught in the rain

And the feel of the ocean

And the taste of champagne

If you like making love at midnight

In the dunes on the cape

You're the lady I've looked for

Write to me and escape

- If you like pina coladas

And getting caught in the rain

If you're not into yoga

If you have half a brain

If you like making love at midnight

In the dunes of the cape

I'm the love that you've looked for

So write to me and escape

I was tired of my lady

We'd been together too long

Like a worn out recording

Of a favorite song

So while she lay there sleeping

I read the paper in bed

And in the personal columns

There was this letter I read

- Mm.

OK.

- And getting caught in the rain

If you're not into yoga

If you have half a brain

- Oh!

- If you like making love at midnight

- Me and my friends all hanging out.

- I'm the love that you've looked for

- Hi.

- So write to me and escape

- Goodbye.

Good to see you.

This is my best friend!

- I wasn't thinking of my lady

- That's good.

- Me and my old lady

Had fallen into the same old dull routine

So I wrote to the paper

Took out a personal ad

And though I'm nobody's poet

- Uh, ohh.

- Yes, I like pina coladas

And getting caught in the rain

I'm not much into health food

I am into champagne

I've gotta meet you by tomorrow noon

And cut through all this red tape

At a bar called O'Malley's

Where we'll plan our escape