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1
00:00:06,065 --> 00:00:08,490
[alarm sounding]
2
00:00:08,567 --> 00:00:10,592
["Are You Gonna Be My Girl"
by Jet playing]
3
00:00:11,846 --> 00:00:14,013
Got to look good today.
4
00:00:14,089 --> 00:00:15,848
I'm asking Amy to the prom.
5
00:00:15,999 --> 00:00:17,683
[squeaking]
6
00:00:17,760 --> 00:00:19,426
I meant school Amy.
7
00:00:19,503 --> 00:00:21,020
Not you, Amy.
8
00:00:21,096 --> 00:00:22,479
♪ Oh ♪
9
00:00:28,529 --> 00:00:31,679
♪ I said,
are you gonna be my girl? ♪
10
00:00:31,757 --> 00:00:32,889
Okay, just act cool.
11
00:00:32,891 --> 00:00:34,700
Hey, Amy, you promming?
12
00:00:34,777 --> 00:00:36,109
I... [groans]
13
00:00:36,186 --> 00:00:38,520
So, Amy, some of your hair
got caught in your locker
14
00:00:38,597 --> 00:00:39,429
and I took it.
15
00:00:39,431 --> 00:00:40,614
No! No! God, no!
16
00:00:40,690 --> 00:00:43,450
[mother] Andrew,
there's someone to see you!
17
00:00:43,527 --> 00:00:44,501
[both squeak]
18
00:00:46,047 --> 00:00:48,196
You've been served,
starter stache.
19
00:00:48,274 --> 00:00:50,123
Wh-What is this, Dad?
20
00:00:50,200 --> 00:00:51,792
That's a subpoena.
21
00:00:51,868 --> 00:00:54,869
You've been called as a surprise
witness in court today.
22
00:00:54,947 --> 00:00:56,204
I can't go to court.
23
00:00:56,282 --> 00:00:58,223
I spent
all my after-school job money
24
00:00:58,300 --> 00:01:00,708
on a skywriting promposal.
25
00:01:00,786 --> 00:01:02,895
Testifying in court is a matter
of duty and honor.
26
00:01:02,971 --> 00:01:06,123
Besides, everyone knows Amy
is going to the prom with Josh.
27
00:01:06,125 --> 00:01:07,791
[groans]
28
00:01:07,793 --> 00:01:11,052
♪ Are you gonna be my girl? ♪
29
00:01:11,130 --> 00:01:13,297
♪ Yeah. ♪
30
00:01:13,299 --> 00:01:14,965
Mr. Teen, isn't it true
31
00:01:14,967 --> 00:01:17,150
that while working as
an employee of Builders' Barn,
32
00:01:17,227 --> 00:01:19,803
you rented a backhoe to this man
33
00:01:19,805 --> 00:01:21,988
Homer J. Simpson?
34
00:01:22,065 --> 00:01:23,064
Yes.
35
00:01:23,142 --> 00:01:24,825
And what reason did
Mr. Simpson give
36
00:01:24,901 --> 00:01:26,568
for renting the machine?
37
00:01:26,645 --> 00:01:28,587
To quote,
"dig a bitching swimming pool
38
00:01:28,664 --> 00:01:31,315
"in his backyard, then throw
an awesome pool party
39
00:01:31,317 --> 00:01:33,258
and not invite Flanders."
40
00:01:33,335 --> 00:01:35,260
But in the process
of digging the pool,
41
00:01:35,262 --> 00:01:38,246
Mr. Simpson destroyed
local gas, sewer,
42
00:01:38,324 --> 00:01:41,174
and power lines,
causing rolling blackouts
43
00:01:41,251 --> 00:01:43,327
that affect Springfield
to this...
44
00:01:43,329 --> 00:01:46,563
-[electricity buzzing]
-...day.
45
00:01:49,001 --> 00:01:52,018
This man is
so obviously incompetent
46
00:01:52,095 --> 00:01:55,172
that he never should have been
allowed to rent a backhoe.
47
00:01:55,174 --> 00:01:57,932
And that is why Mr. Simpson
48
00:01:57,934 --> 00:01:59,860
is suing Builders' Barn.
49
00:01:59,936 --> 00:02:01,345
He's suing us?
50
00:02:01,347 --> 00:02:02,863
Your Honor,
I'd like to take over
51
00:02:02,981 --> 00:02:04,514
the questioning, if I may.
52
00:02:04,516 --> 00:02:07,851
Mr. Simpson, only a fool
has himself for a lawyer.
53
00:02:07,853 --> 00:02:10,212
That's exactly my point, sir.
54
00:02:12,207 --> 00:02:14,358
When Mr. Simpson,
that is myself,
55
00:02:14,360 --> 00:02:16,618
rented the heavy machinery
in question,
56
00:02:16,695 --> 00:02:20,046
isn't it true that my breath
smelled strongly of beer...
57
00:02:20,123 --> 00:02:21,956
as it does now?
58
00:02:22,034 --> 00:02:23,249
[exhales]
59
00:02:23,327 --> 00:02:25,385
I don't know
what beer smells like.
60
00:02:25,462 --> 00:02:27,737
I was going to have
my first one ever
61
00:02:27,739 --> 00:02:29,539
at the after-prom party.
62
00:02:29,541 --> 00:02:30,891
[crying]
63
00:02:30,967 --> 00:02:33,819
Homer can't even unfold
a lawn chair.
64
00:02:33,896 --> 00:02:35,837
I don't think
he understands doors.
65
00:02:35,914 --> 00:02:39,549
He's fat and lazy
and carries diner jelly packs
66
00:02:39,551 --> 00:02:41,401
in his shirt pocket.
67
00:02:41,478 --> 00:02:42,977
That's irrelevant
and prejudicial.
68
00:02:43,055 --> 00:02:45,205
Let her speak!
69
00:02:47,576 --> 00:02:50,151
-Has the jury reached a verdict?
-Yes.
70
00:02:50,229 --> 00:02:51,912
We're very disappointed
this turned out
71
00:02:51,988 --> 00:02:53,321
to be a real trial
72
00:02:53,399 --> 00:02:56,175
and not a hidden-camera
comedy reality show.
73
00:02:56,251 --> 00:02:59,011
Also, we have no choice
but to find for the plaintiff.
74
00:02:59,087 --> 00:03:01,087
-D'oh!
-You're the plaintiff.
75
00:03:01,164 --> 00:03:03,665
-Woo-hoo!
-[sighs] I've spent 25 years
76
00:03:03,742 --> 00:03:05,575
fighting for Lady Justice.
77
00:03:05,577 --> 00:03:08,169
Today I learned she's
nothing but a painted tart,
78
00:03:08,247 --> 00:03:10,689
and I run the flophouse
where she turns tricks.
79
00:03:10,766 --> 00:03:14,251
I award Mr. Simpson
the minimum possible damages.
80
00:03:14,253 --> 00:03:16,511
$95.
81
00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:18,588
Yes! Come on, everybody.
82
00:03:18,590 --> 00:03:21,925
Jury wave.
83
00:03:21,927 --> 00:03:24,161
No alternates.
84
00:03:28,450 --> 00:03:29,766
[Homer]
Kids.
85
00:03:29,785 --> 00:03:32,285
Look what Daddy bought
with his settlement money.
86
00:03:32,362 --> 00:03:35,196
Floatie noodles and pool balls?
87
00:03:35,274 --> 00:03:37,441
We don't have a pool, Homer.
88
00:03:37,443 --> 00:03:39,443
We have a hole,
which you can't fix
89
00:03:39,445 --> 00:03:41,478
because the judge banned you
from renting
90
00:03:41,480 --> 00:03:44,056
any class A
excavating equipment.
91
00:03:44,132 --> 00:03:46,116
It's now
in the permanent court record
92
00:03:46,118 --> 00:03:47,784
that I married a buffoon.
93
00:03:47,786 --> 00:03:49,953
It was stipulated
by all parties.
94
00:03:49,955 --> 00:03:52,806
On the plus side, Homer now
has an entry on Wiccapedia.
95
00:03:52,882 --> 00:03:56,050
[gasps] "Homer J. Simpson is
the first American citizen
96
00:03:56,128 --> 00:03:58,886
to become
a court-certified idiot"?
97
00:03:58,964 --> 00:04:00,146
[groans]
98
00:04:00,223 --> 00:04:02,799
Wow, and it's not just a stub.
99
00:04:02,801 --> 00:04:04,818
The admin really put
some time into it.
100
00:04:04,894 --> 00:04:08,305
Is this what you want your
legacy on this planet to be?
101
00:04:08,307 --> 00:04:09,656
It's not just this.
102
00:04:09,658 --> 00:04:11,399
I got other stuff, like, uh...
103
00:04:11,477 --> 00:04:13,326
I fell into wet cement
in front of the church
104
00:04:13,403 --> 00:04:15,921
and left a very recognizable
ass print.
105
00:04:15,998 --> 00:04:17,256
-Mind the print.
-Aah!
106
00:04:17,332 --> 00:04:18,757
-Mind the ass print.
-[groans]
107
00:04:18,908 --> 00:04:20,317
-It's a big one.
-[groans]
108
00:04:20,319 --> 00:04:22,652
And, uh, well, uh,
there's, uh...
109
00:04:22,654 --> 00:04:23,987
Ooh, I know.
110
00:04:23,989 --> 00:04:25,764
My legacy can be Lisa.
111
00:04:25,841 --> 00:04:27,507
She's my legacy.
112
00:04:27,584 --> 00:04:30,494
Aw, I called dibs on Lisa
in the delivery room.
113
00:04:30,496 --> 00:04:31,919
I saw her first.
114
00:04:31,997 --> 00:04:33,438
[both groan]
115
00:04:33,590 --> 00:04:35,015
[Homer snores]
116
00:04:35,091 --> 00:04:37,192
Legacy...
117
00:04:38,928 --> 00:04:40,020
Who are you?
118
00:04:40,096 --> 00:04:41,113
Where am I?
119
00:04:41,264 --> 00:04:42,930
We're in the wonderful future.
120
00:04:43,008 --> 00:04:46,359
And I'm your guide, travel
host and author Rick Steves.
121
00:04:46,436 --> 00:04:50,347
Every Sunday night Lisa puts me
on TV and you fall asleep.
122
00:04:50,349 --> 00:04:52,699
That's why you're sleeping
right now.
123
00:04:52,776 --> 00:04:54,126
-[snoring]
-[French music playing on TV]
124
00:04:54,353 --> 00:04:57,445
There's no better place
for a perfect gratin dauphinois
125
00:04:57,523 --> 00:05:00,281
than on a train to Montrachet.
126
00:05:00,359 --> 00:05:02,617
Someday, Rick, someday.
127
00:05:02,694 --> 00:05:05,545
These statues honor
the legacies of the many people
128
00:05:05,622 --> 00:05:08,307
who made a difference
in Springfield.
129
00:05:13,555 --> 00:05:15,463
[snoring]
130
00:05:15,482 --> 00:05:16,815
Sleep sleeping?
131
00:05:16,817 --> 00:05:19,559
Legacy! Where's my statue?
132
00:05:19,636 --> 00:05:20,986
You don't have one.
133
00:05:21,063 --> 00:05:24,472
Because you've never done
anything worth remembering.
134
00:05:24,550 --> 00:05:26,916
I bet Lenny doesn't have
a legacy statue.
135
00:05:26,918 --> 00:05:29,202
Look what we're standing
on right now.
136
00:05:30,980 --> 00:05:31,997
[Homer]
D'oh!
137
00:05:32,074 --> 00:05:34,891
Lenny invented
invisible suspenders.
138
00:05:34,910 --> 00:05:37,243
Guess what's holding up
my pants.
139
00:05:37,320 --> 00:05:41,247
The point is, they're all
remembered and you aren't.
140
00:05:41,324 --> 00:05:43,400
Now let me ask you
something else.
141
00:05:43,402 --> 00:05:45,344
Have you donated to PBS
this year?
142
00:05:45,420 --> 00:05:48,263
Never!
143
00:05:49,741 --> 00:05:51,925
Dumb, stupid, dumb.
144
00:05:52,001 --> 00:05:53,743
Abe, can you talk to him?
145
00:05:53,745 --> 00:05:56,021
He's been at the bottom
of that hole for hours.
146
00:05:56,098 --> 00:05:59,024
I've been feeding him
like a dolphin.
147
00:05:59,860 --> 00:06:02,027
[yipping]
148
00:06:04,756 --> 00:06:08,700
So, what's got you sitting
in a hole this time, son?
149
00:06:08,777 --> 00:06:10,276
No legacy.
150
00:06:10,353 --> 00:06:12,520
The nearest the Simpsons
ever came to a legacy
151
00:06:12,598 --> 00:06:14,781
was when my uncle had
a soup named after him
152
00:06:14,858 --> 00:06:16,357
at the chowder hall.
153
00:06:16,435 --> 00:06:19,436
A lot of people got sick
from Stan soup.
154
00:06:19,438 --> 00:06:22,789
So stop your ninny-whimpling
and get out of this hole.
155
00:06:22,866 --> 00:06:25,050
Hey, you ruined my roundsie!
156
00:06:25,085 --> 00:06:26,551
I ruin-sied your round-what?
157
00:06:26,628 --> 00:06:28,720
When the ball goes
all the way around the walls,
158
00:06:28,797 --> 00:06:32,057
I call it a "roundsie."
159
00:06:32,134 --> 00:06:34,041
See? Roundsie.
160
00:06:34,119 --> 00:06:36,119
That's the dumbest thing
I've ever seen.
161
00:06:36,121 --> 00:06:38,063
Let me try.
162
00:06:39,215 --> 00:06:40,790
-[Grampa laughs]
-[ball bouncing]
163
00:06:40,792 --> 00:06:42,250
[Homer laughs, grunts]
164
00:06:42,327 --> 00:06:44,144
[both laughing, grunting]
165
00:06:44,220 --> 00:06:45,795
Whoa! [laughs]
166
00:06:45,797 --> 00:06:48,031
[both grunting, laughing]
167
00:06:50,485 --> 00:06:52,652
Son, I never played catch
with you
168
00:06:52,729 --> 00:06:54,154
or tossed you a football
169
00:06:54,230 --> 00:06:55,989
or taught you
how to ride a bike.
170
00:06:56,065 --> 00:06:57,899
I hate you, you monster!
171
00:06:57,976 --> 00:06:59,901
But now we have this.
172
00:06:59,978 --> 00:07:02,587
Yeah... you're all right.
173
00:07:02,664 --> 00:07:04,405
Noodles, balls?
174
00:07:04,483 --> 00:07:06,666
What do you call
this wonderful game?
175
00:07:06,743 --> 00:07:09,911
I don't know, but it's gonna be
something really clever.
176
00:07:09,988 --> 00:07:12,079
We call it Noodleball.
177
00:07:12,157 --> 00:07:14,157
It's exercise without movement.
178
00:07:14,159 --> 00:07:15,992
It's safe
for your brittle bones.
179
00:07:15,994 --> 00:07:17,343
And you don't have
to face the thing
180
00:07:17,420 --> 00:07:19,663
all us seniors
fear about pools:
181
00:07:19,665 --> 00:07:22,832
trying to peel off
a wet bathing suit.
182
00:07:22,834 --> 00:07:24,851
-I'll try that.
-Give me one of those noodles.
183
00:07:24,928 --> 00:07:27,487
[indistinct chatter]
184
00:07:30,284 --> 00:07:32,358
Dad, maybe Noodleball
is what will make
185
00:07:32,435 --> 00:07:34,344
the Simpson name live forever.
186
00:07:34,346 --> 00:07:37,622
A legacy
that we created together.
187
00:07:37,699 --> 00:07:40,292
I'll jelly to that.
188
00:07:47,283 --> 00:07:49,801
Springfield's golden-agers
are lining up
189
00:07:49,878 --> 00:07:51,285
to go six feet under...
190
00:07:51,363 --> 00:07:53,546
in empty swimming pools.
191
00:07:53,623 --> 00:07:55,790
So how does
this piscine pastime work?
192
00:07:55,867 --> 00:07:56,808
If you hit the ball
193
00:07:56,885 --> 00:07:57,809
past your opponents
194
00:07:57,886 --> 00:07:59,811
and it bounces back to you,
195
00:07:59,888 --> 00:08:01,813
that's a roundsie: one point.
196
00:08:01,890 --> 00:08:04,057
[Grampa] Your opponents are
trying to block the roundsie
197
00:08:04,209 --> 00:08:05,984
and hit it back
to score their own point.
198
00:08:06,061 --> 00:08:08,320
[Homer] Play until three balls
get knocked out of the pool,
199
00:08:08,396 --> 00:08:11,639
and then everyone can check
their phone for ten minutes.
200
00:08:11,717 --> 00:08:13,492
So dive on in to Noodleball
201
00:08:13,568 --> 00:08:17,721
and drown the dog days of summer
in the deep end of fun.
202
00:08:17,723 --> 00:08:20,147
Speaking of dogs,
let's meet the spaniel
203
00:08:20,225 --> 00:08:23,293
who's predicted
every Super Bowl wrong.
204
00:08:31,920 --> 00:08:32,844
[squawks]
205
00:08:32,921 --> 00:08:34,070
A perfect roundsie!
206
00:08:34,072 --> 00:08:35,421
We win again!
207
00:08:35,498 --> 00:08:37,090
Since you've been playing
Noodleball,
208
00:08:37,166 --> 00:08:40,093
your weight gain has plateaued.
209
00:08:40,169 --> 00:08:44,430
If you keep this up,
you could not gain 50 pounds.
210
00:08:44,507 --> 00:08:47,917
Dad, look what just came
up on Wiccapedia.
211
00:08:47,919 --> 00:08:49,343
[Homer]
Hmm.
212
00:08:49,421 --> 00:08:51,921
The world is noticing
the Simpsons...
213
00:08:51,923 --> 00:08:53,273
in a good way.
214
00:08:53,349 --> 00:08:54,849
Look at these seniors,
215
00:08:54,868 --> 00:08:57,202
playing like there
is a tomorrow.
216
00:08:57,279 --> 00:08:59,162
♪ Na-na-na, come on ♪
217
00:09:00,707 --> 00:09:03,750
♪ Na-na-na-na-na, come on ♪
218
00:09:04,711 --> 00:09:06,193
♪ Na-na-na, come on ♪
219
00:09:06,271 --> 00:09:07,879
♪ Come on, come on ♪
220
00:09:07,956 --> 00:09:09,864
♪ Na-na-na-na ♪
221
00:09:09,941 --> 00:09:11,866
♪ Feels so good being bad ♪
222
00:09:11,943 --> 00:09:13,868
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
223
00:09:13,945 --> 00:09:15,720
♪ There's no way
I'm turning back ♪
224
00:09:15,797 --> 00:09:17,389
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
225
00:09:17,465 --> 00:09:19,891
♪ Now the pain is for pleasure ♪
226
00:09:19,968 --> 00:09:21,117
♪ Oh. ♪
227
00:09:21,119 --> 00:09:22,802
Dad, Grampa, we have
228
00:09:22,804 --> 00:09:24,229
a problem at the south pool!
229
00:09:24,306 --> 00:09:26,714
Oh, another old person
three-way?
230
00:09:26,792 --> 00:09:27,957
Just hose 'em out of there.
231
00:09:27,959 --> 00:09:29,067
Worse!
232
00:09:29,144 --> 00:09:31,144
Out of the pool, noodle heads.
233
00:09:31,220 --> 00:09:33,387
It's summer,
and the kids want to swim.
234
00:09:33,465 --> 00:09:35,240
Go jump in the lake, water baby.
235
00:09:35,317 --> 00:09:37,075
You're in Noodleball country.
236
00:09:37,152 --> 00:09:40,320
Even the very tall
need a place to swim.
237
00:09:40,396 --> 00:09:43,582
And our children need
to cool off in the hot summer.
238
00:09:43,733 --> 00:09:47,252
Won't everyone please
not think about the children?
239
00:09:51,166 --> 00:09:53,483
[all groaning sadly]
240
00:09:53,485 --> 00:09:56,595
Don't worry, there's other pools
in this town.
241
00:10:01,250 --> 00:10:03,009
Hey, we were here first.
242
00:10:03,086 --> 00:10:04,686
Talk to the tag.
243
00:10:06,607 --> 00:10:07,939
Vape 'em out!
244
00:10:08,016 --> 00:10:09,774
[coughing]
245
00:10:09,851 --> 00:10:11,184
It's cotton candy bubble gum.
246
00:10:11,260 --> 00:10:12,685
Don't breathe it in.
247
00:10:12,762 --> 00:10:15,488
[worried groaning]
248
00:10:17,934 --> 00:10:19,451
We're losing pools
all over town.
249
00:10:19,527 --> 00:10:22,120
What if we try to take over
some pickleball courts?
250
00:10:22,122 --> 00:10:24,681
No, those Wiffle Ball whackers
are psycho.
251
00:10:24,699 --> 00:10:27,533
They killed tennis
without even breaking a sweat.
252
00:10:27,610 --> 00:10:30,778
Dad, there's a new section
on your Wiccapedia page.
253
00:10:30,856 --> 00:10:33,022
-Controversies.
-[screams]
254
00:10:33,024 --> 00:10:34,874
There's a petition
to ban Noodleball,
255
00:10:34,876 --> 00:10:36,635
"which has antagonized swimmers,
256
00:10:36,711 --> 00:10:39,787
scuba practicers,
and frat house cannonballers."
257
00:10:39,865 --> 00:10:41,698
Aw, that's
all the thought leaders.
258
00:10:41,700 --> 00:10:44,200
We can't let Noodleball
end up a failed sport,
259
00:10:44,202 --> 00:10:46,293
like racquetball or soccer.
260
00:10:46,371 --> 00:10:48,872
Our father-son legacy
is in danger.
261
00:10:48,874 --> 00:10:50,631
We got to do something.
262
00:10:50,633 --> 00:10:52,709
Think! Think!
263
00:10:52,711 --> 00:10:53,985
Hit harder!
264
00:10:54,062 --> 00:10:55,320
Homer, Abe.
265
00:10:55,397 --> 00:10:57,563
There's someone here
who wants to see you.
266
00:10:57,640 --> 00:11:00,307
[whispering] I let him in
because he's wearing a suit.
267
00:11:00,385 --> 00:11:02,309
Gentlemen, I'm Gabriel Razelton.
268
00:11:02,387 --> 00:11:04,145
People call me "The Raz."
269
00:11:04,222 --> 00:11:05,830
But you shouldn't
because I hate it.
270
00:11:05,907 --> 00:11:08,149
I represent a consortium
of companies that can help
271
00:11:08,226 --> 00:11:11,577
Noodleball not only survive
but thrive.
272
00:11:11,654 --> 00:11:13,396
What consortium?
273
00:11:13,398 --> 00:11:16,916
I can tell you,
or I can show you.
274
00:11:16,993 --> 00:11:18,918
Uh, give us a minute.
275
00:11:18,995 --> 00:11:20,753
Well, what do you think?
I'm all for show.
276
00:11:20,830 --> 00:11:22,347
No, I think we should do tell.
277
00:11:22,424 --> 00:11:24,590
-Let him show it...
-No, I prefer he'd tell it...
278
00:11:24,667 --> 00:11:27,093
[overlapping arguing]
279
00:11:27,170 --> 00:11:29,020
Okay, we want you to tell us.
280
00:11:29,097 --> 00:11:31,915
No, you idiot, we decided show!
281
00:11:31,917 --> 00:11:34,100
Oh, just give us
one more huddle.
282
00:11:34,177 --> 00:11:36,753
Show! It was always show!
283
00:11:36,755 --> 00:11:39,197
The avocado, or as some call it,
284
00:11:39,274 --> 00:11:40,924
the alligator pear.
285
00:11:40,926 --> 00:11:42,367
Simple, natural,
286
00:11:42,444 --> 00:11:45,203
a little nutty,
just like Noodleball.
287
00:11:46,189 --> 00:11:47,780
"Avi-cado"? Never heard of it.
288
00:11:47,857 --> 00:11:50,934
The only green thing I eat
is Marge's Mountain Dew pudding.
289
00:11:50,936 --> 00:11:52,952
Mm, oh.
290
00:11:53,029 --> 00:11:56,047
That glop's easy on the gums.
291
00:11:56,124 --> 00:11:57,790
It is pretty creamy.
292
00:11:57,867 --> 00:12:00,051
Are you sure it isn't lard?
293
00:12:00,128 --> 00:12:01,386
Absolutely.
294
00:12:01,463 --> 00:12:03,537
You can see
why we at the Organic Pit-based
295
00:12:03,615 --> 00:12:05,390
Enjoyment Council think
that avocados
296
00:12:05,467 --> 00:12:07,967
are the perfect sponsor
for Noodleball.
297
00:12:08,044 --> 00:12:09,802
Can you get us our pools back?
298
00:12:09,879 --> 00:12:12,021
Oh, I can do better than that.
299
00:12:15,794 --> 00:12:16,884
I give you...
300
00:12:16,962 --> 00:12:19,070
the future of Noodleball.
301
00:12:19,147 --> 00:12:21,222
This is the Avo-1 Noodleplex,
302
00:12:21,299 --> 00:12:23,299
featuring
eight state-of-the-art,
303
00:12:23,301 --> 00:12:25,318
-empty, never-swum-in pools.
-[both] Hmm.
304
00:12:25,394 --> 00:12:26,911
Now, I hope you don't mind,
305
00:12:26,988 --> 00:12:28,654
but we've put
a statue of you and Grampa
306
00:12:28,731 --> 00:12:29,897
right at the entrance.
307
00:12:29,975 --> 00:12:32,308
We'll be remembered forever,
308
00:12:32,310 --> 00:12:35,253
like that dude
in the Lincoln Memorial.
309
00:12:35,330 --> 00:12:38,256
We've got plans for all kinds
of avocado tie-ins:
310
00:12:38,333 --> 00:12:40,925
oils, face masks,
hair conditioners.
311
00:12:41,002 --> 00:12:43,261
Big A isn't just guac and chips.
312
00:12:43,412 --> 00:12:44,988
[laughs]
313
00:12:44,990 --> 00:12:46,823
[laughing]
314
00:12:46,825 --> 00:12:48,767
Is this guy always so funny?
315
00:12:48,843 --> 00:12:50,417
[both laughing]
316
00:12:50,495 --> 00:12:52,228
I don't know.
317
00:12:53,923 --> 00:12:55,940
So, can we make this deal happen
318
00:12:56,092 --> 00:12:58,351
and raise an avocado toast?
319
00:12:58,427 --> 00:12:59,352
[clink]
320
00:12:59,470 --> 00:13:00,928
Oh, son.
321
00:13:01,006 --> 00:13:04,340
We created a sport
that will live forever.
322
00:13:04,342 --> 00:13:06,951
Now, Grampa, we've got
a PR guy just down the hall
323
00:13:07,028 --> 00:13:09,454
who wants to hear
the story of your life.
324
00:13:09,531 --> 00:13:10,455
Hmm.
325
00:13:10,532 --> 00:13:12,123
[grunting]
326
00:13:12,200 --> 00:13:15,034
When I was a boy, you kissed
any horse that walked by.
327
00:13:15,111 --> 00:13:18,354
And that's how I acquired
my taste for hay.
328
00:13:18,356 --> 00:13:20,857
Homer, I've always been
honest with you, right?
329
00:13:20,859 --> 00:13:22,525
-Right.
-Wrong.
330
00:13:22,527 --> 00:13:24,877
I lied when I said
Noodleball was for everyone.
331
00:13:24,954 --> 00:13:27,196
No one's going to pay
to watch ancient athletes
332
00:13:27,198 --> 00:13:29,532
break their hips
and have heart attacks.
333
00:13:29,534 --> 00:13:32,459
Our vision of Noodleball is
for a younger demographic.
334
00:13:32,537 --> 00:13:36,205
You want to make Noodleball
only for 20-somethings?
335
00:13:36,207 --> 00:13:38,041
Oh, God, no,
they don't have any money.
336
00:13:38,043 --> 00:13:40,151
I'm talking 40-to-60-year-olds.
337
00:13:40,228 --> 00:13:43,212
The last generation
that can afford houses.
338
00:13:43,214 --> 00:13:45,824
We have to scrub out
every trace of your father
339
00:13:45,900 --> 00:13:48,051
and his gang
of shuffling catheters,
340
00:13:48,053 --> 00:13:49,886
or Noodleball's future
is blacker
341
00:13:49,888 --> 00:13:51,746
than a recently opened avocado.
342
00:13:53,892 --> 00:13:55,649
I can't dump Grampa.
343
00:13:55,727 --> 00:13:56,668
He's my father.
344
00:13:56,786 --> 00:13:58,319
We're like brothers.
345
00:13:58,396 --> 00:14:00,046
Oh...
346
00:14:01,749 --> 00:14:03,583
I'm sorry, but my dad and I
347
00:14:03,659 --> 00:14:05,251
created Noodleball together.
348
00:14:05,328 --> 00:14:06,085
[sighs]
349
00:14:06,162 --> 00:14:07,512
You're a man of rare integrity.
350
00:14:07,663 --> 00:14:10,098
-But I accept your deci--
-I'll do it! The old man's out!
351
00:14:15,930 --> 00:14:17,338
Homer, Marge!
352
00:14:17,415 --> 00:14:19,082
Welcome to the first Noodleball
353
00:14:19,084 --> 00:14:20,191
celebrity tournament.
354
00:14:20,268 --> 00:14:21,767
Pretty fantastic, huh?
355
00:14:21,844 --> 00:14:23,753
It's a very impressive tent.
356
00:14:23,755 --> 00:14:26,197
Whoever ironed it knew
what they were doing.
357
00:14:26,274 --> 00:14:27,924
Avocado oil Bellini?
358
00:14:27,926 --> 00:14:29,200
Get that crap out of my face.
359
00:14:29,277 --> 00:14:30,684
Now come, I want you to meet
360
00:14:30,762 --> 00:14:32,704
some of the amazing
youth-adjacent athletes
361
00:14:32,780 --> 00:14:34,021
who are competing today.
362
00:14:34,099 --> 00:14:34,931
Blake Griffin.
363
00:14:34,933 --> 00:14:36,449
Noodleball is the perfect game
364
00:14:36,601 --> 00:14:39,544
for retired players whose bodies
have been permanently destroyed
365
00:14:39,621 --> 00:14:40,828
by the sport they love.
366
00:14:40,863 --> 00:14:42,547
Which is all of us.
367
00:14:43,866 --> 00:14:45,625
Ow! My spinning finger.
368
00:14:45,701 --> 00:14:46,718
It was supposed to be fixed
369
00:14:46,794 --> 00:14:49,554
after my third
Meadowlark Lemon surgery.
370
00:14:49,631 --> 00:14:51,130
Homer Simpson,
371
00:14:51,207 --> 00:14:53,224
of course you know
Megan Rapinoe.
372
00:14:53,301 --> 00:14:55,226
I bet Lisa knows who you are.
373
00:14:55,228 --> 00:14:58,229
Lisa Simpson?
I love her Substack.
374
00:14:58,306 --> 00:15:01,382
If you're her dad,
this explains so much.
375
00:15:01,459 --> 00:15:03,717
Thank you, Megan Rapinoe.
376
00:15:03,795 --> 00:15:06,295
Our targeted marketing
to 40- and 50-somethings
377
00:15:06,297 --> 00:15:08,131
is really paying off.
378
00:15:08,133 --> 00:15:10,800
My whole life I've worshipped
379
00:15:10,802 --> 00:15:13,578
the false god of tucking in.
380
00:15:13,655 --> 00:15:15,229
Step-in shoes!
381
00:15:15,306 --> 00:15:19,167
Oh! I'll never lower my arms
below my knees again.
382
00:15:20,569 --> 00:15:22,645
This is so amazing.
383
00:15:22,647 --> 00:15:25,089
I just feel bad that Grampa
and the other old folks
384
00:15:25,166 --> 00:15:27,091
can't be a part of all this.
385
00:15:27,168 --> 00:15:30,035
Yeah, that's kind of
a sensitive subject.
386
00:15:30,113 --> 00:15:31,504
You did tell him, right?
387
00:15:31,580 --> 00:15:33,990
You know,
hard conversations like this,
388
00:15:33,992 --> 00:15:37,084
it's all about picking
the right moment.
389
00:15:37,162 --> 00:15:39,086
-Oh, Homer.
-Darling.
390
00:15:39,164 --> 00:15:41,013
-Homer.
-My beloved.
391
00:15:41,090 --> 00:15:42,848
Are you waiting
for your father to die
392
00:15:42,925 --> 00:15:46,927
so you won't have to tell him
you totally screwed him over?
393
00:15:47,005 --> 00:15:49,005
-Little bit.
-Oh.
394
00:15:49,007 --> 00:15:53,009
That alligator-pear-pushing
parasite gave me the heave-ho!
395
00:15:53,011 --> 00:15:54,694
Doesn't he know we're a team?
396
00:15:54,770 --> 00:15:56,287
We invented this together!
397
00:15:56,364 --> 00:15:58,514
Oh, great,
now your memory's good.
398
00:15:58,516 --> 00:16:00,866
This was the only way
to save Noodleball.
399
00:16:00,943 --> 00:16:03,035
At least one of us
can have a legacy.
400
00:16:03,112 --> 00:16:05,463
And you betrayed me for that?
401
00:16:05,540 --> 00:16:06,706
Guess what.
402
00:16:06,782 --> 00:16:09,133
Legacy don't mean squat.
403
00:16:12,288 --> 00:16:12,878
Squat?!
404
00:16:12,955 --> 00:16:14,138
Justify yourself!
405
00:16:14,215 --> 00:16:16,882
Who cares what people think
after you're gone?
406
00:16:16,959 --> 00:16:18,810
You ain't there
to get the credit,
407
00:16:18,886 --> 00:16:20,478
if they remember you at all.
408
00:16:20,555 --> 00:16:22,647
Do you know
who Johnny Carson was?
409
00:16:22,798 --> 00:16:24,040
Nope.
410
00:16:24,042 --> 00:16:25,817
-David Letterman?
-Nuh-uh.
411
00:16:25,893 --> 00:16:27,059
Jimmy Fallon?
412
00:16:27,061 --> 00:16:28,653
Now you're just making up names.
413
00:16:28,730 --> 00:16:30,713
Don't you see? You sold me out
414
00:16:30,715 --> 00:16:33,733
for a few extra words
in your obituary.
415
00:16:33,809 --> 00:16:35,401
What's an obituary?
416
00:16:35,478 --> 00:16:38,479
It's where they summarize
your whole life in one sentence.
417
00:16:38,556 --> 00:16:39,722
Mine's gonna read:
418
00:16:39,724 --> 00:16:43,150
"He was stabbed in the back
by his son."
419
00:16:43,228 --> 00:16:45,819
A real father would support
his son's terrible,
420
00:16:45,897 --> 00:16:47,488
heartless decision!
421
00:16:47,490 --> 00:16:50,341
Dad, someday can I screw you out
of something we create together?
422
00:16:50,343 --> 00:16:53,344
You do and I'll destroy you.
423
00:16:53,421 --> 00:16:56,514
How could making a deal
with avocados be a bad thing?
424
00:16:56,591 --> 00:16:58,165
It's a good fat.
425
00:16:58,243 --> 00:17:01,185
Well, growing avocados does use
a lot of water.
426
00:17:01,262 --> 00:17:04,263
Over nine and a half billion
liters per day.
427
00:17:04,340 --> 00:17:06,190
What's that in swimming pools?
428
00:17:06,267 --> 00:17:08,675
-3,800.
-[gasps]
429
00:17:08,753 --> 00:17:10,920
And the transport
of avocado products
430
00:17:10,922 --> 00:17:14,073
endangers wildlife everywhere.
431
00:17:19,781 --> 00:17:22,114
Avocado oil is
just using Noodleball
432
00:17:22,267 --> 00:17:24,433
to cover up
the bad stuff they do.
433
00:17:24,435 --> 00:17:27,045
You know, the way
Middle East oil spent billions
434
00:17:27,121 --> 00:17:29,363
to create LIV Golf.
435
00:17:29,440 --> 00:17:30,864
LIV Golf can't be bad.
436
00:17:30,942 --> 00:17:33,217
I bleed
Mickelson's Maniacs blue.
437
00:17:33,294 --> 00:17:37,113
And now avocado oil is playing
the same slippery game.
438
00:17:37,115 --> 00:17:38,964
No, no, I won't believe it.
439
00:17:39,041 --> 00:17:42,118
Not the Organic Pit-based
Enjoyment Council.
440
00:17:42,120 --> 00:17:44,062
You mean OPEC?
441
00:17:44,138 --> 00:17:47,565
Oh, "pit-based" is
kind of a cheat, but I get it.
442
00:17:47,716 --> 00:17:49,975
I sold out my dad for avocado.
443
00:17:50,052 --> 00:17:51,402
Oil, that is.
444
00:17:51,479 --> 00:17:52,719
Green gold.
445
00:17:52,797 --> 00:17:54,322
Tex-Mex tea.
446
00:17:58,319 --> 00:18:00,653
I demand to play
in the tournament!
447
00:18:00,729 --> 00:18:02,138
Of course you can.
448
00:18:02,140 --> 00:18:04,582
You're on the cover
of Avocado Aficionado.
449
00:18:04,659 --> 00:18:08,086
[Homer]
Oh, yeah, one went up my butt.
450
00:18:08,162 --> 00:18:11,071
Your partner,
NFL legend Andrew Luck,
451
00:18:11,149 --> 00:18:12,648
is waiting for you.
452
00:18:12,650 --> 00:18:13,740
Join me, Homer.
453
00:18:13,818 --> 00:18:15,093
I need a new sport.
454
00:18:15,169 --> 00:18:17,320
My wife keeps telling me
to stop moving furniture around
455
00:18:17,322 --> 00:18:18,745
and get out of the house.
456
00:18:18,823 --> 00:18:20,323
Andrew, if I played with you,
457
00:18:20,325 --> 00:18:22,842
I'd secure
my Noodleball legacy forever.
458
00:18:22,918 --> 00:18:26,128
But at the terrible price
of supporting Big Avocado.
459
00:18:26,164 --> 00:18:29,165
So there's another retiree
who I'm teaming up with.
460
00:18:29,167 --> 00:18:31,167
[inhales]
My father.
461
00:18:31,169 --> 00:18:32,944
We created Noodleball to keep
462
00:18:33,020 --> 00:18:35,020
old people mobile and healthy.
463
00:18:35,022 --> 00:18:36,672
We're taking our sport back,
464
00:18:36,674 --> 00:18:38,116
legacy be damned.
465
00:18:38,267 --> 00:18:41,844
And my son and I challenge
your best team.
466
00:18:41,846 --> 00:18:44,956
Do you and this walking
wrinklebag really expect to beat
467
00:18:45,032 --> 00:18:46,958
Blake Griffin and Megan Rapinoe?
468
00:18:47,034 --> 00:18:48,184
We're playing now?
469
00:18:48,186 --> 00:18:50,369
I just had
three avocado Bellinis.
470
00:18:50,371 --> 00:18:52,688
What is it with you
and Bellinis?
471
00:18:52,690 --> 00:18:54,615
They loosen me up, Megan.
472
00:18:54,692 --> 00:18:56,968
♪
473
00:18:58,029 --> 00:19:00,138
Thanks for bringing me back,
son.
474
00:19:00,140 --> 00:19:03,866
Dad, we never played catch
or tossed a football,
475
00:19:03,868 --> 00:19:05,792
but we have this.
476
00:19:05,870 --> 00:19:07,461
You're right, son.
477
00:19:07,538 --> 00:19:09,463
And that's why we're gonna win.
478
00:19:09,540 --> 00:19:12,799
We are this safe,
low-impact game.
479
00:19:12,877 --> 00:19:14,694
♪
480
00:19:16,564 --> 00:19:17,396
[groans]
481
00:19:17,473 --> 00:19:19,882
-[bones snap]
-Ow, my hip!
482
00:19:19,884 --> 00:19:21,993
Ow, my heart!
483
00:19:22,069 --> 00:19:23,719
[crowd gasps]
484
00:19:23,721 --> 00:19:25,554
Noodleball is no more.
485
00:19:25,556 --> 00:19:28,315
In its league premiere,
founder Homer Simpson
486
00:19:28,393 --> 00:19:31,169
and his father suffered gruesome
career-ending injuries,
487
00:19:31,245 --> 00:19:33,487
ruining Noodleball's
professional debut
488
00:19:33,564 --> 00:19:36,232
and sending avocado
futures plummeting.
489
00:19:36,234 --> 00:19:37,157
[Grampa groans]
490
00:19:37,235 --> 00:19:39,326
Oh, my sport is dead,
491
00:19:39,404 --> 00:19:43,088
and the only guy who showed up
to sign my cast is Andrew Luck.
492
00:19:43,165 --> 00:19:45,516
Ooh, I get the whole space.
493
00:19:45,593 --> 00:19:47,092
Mm-hmm.
494
00:19:47,169 --> 00:19:49,578
Cheer up, Homer,
retirement is wonderful.
495
00:19:49,580 --> 00:19:51,022
You'll have
so much more time to spend
496
00:19:51,098 --> 00:19:52,932
on your charities
and with your family.
497
00:19:53,008 --> 00:19:56,585
Oh! I want a second opinion
from Peyton Manning.
498
00:19:56,587 --> 00:19:57,937
[groans]
499
00:19:58,013 --> 00:19:59,588
I'm proud of you, Homie.
500
00:19:59,590 --> 00:20:03,183
You stuck by your dad
and rejected Big Avocado.
501
00:20:03,261 --> 00:20:06,762
Although if it comes in a salad,
I'm not sending it back.
502
00:20:06,764 --> 00:20:07,854
I love it on a burger.
503
00:20:07,932 --> 00:20:09,957
Or just spooned
right out of the skin.
504
00:20:11,936 --> 00:20:14,528
[sighs]
If we just swam in those pools,
505
00:20:14,605 --> 00:20:17,440
none of this bad stuff
would've happened.
506
00:20:17,442 --> 00:20:21,110
Aw, but the water's so chilly
when you first go in.
507
00:20:21,112 --> 00:20:24,347
[sighs]
Nothing good came out of this.
508
00:20:26,300 --> 00:20:29,301
This is that backhoe-renting
weirdo's house, Amy.
509
00:20:29,378 --> 00:20:31,712
Oh, Andrew, you were so brave
510
00:20:31,789 --> 00:20:33,564
to testify against him.
511
00:20:33,641 --> 00:20:35,291
Mmm.
512
00:20:35,293 --> 00:20:37,068
[deep voice]
Oh, my.
513
00:20:37,186 --> 00:20:40,646
♪ Come on, come on, come on,
I like it, like it ♪
514
00:20:40,723 --> 00:20:45,576
♪ Come on, come on, come on,
I like it, like it, come on. ♪
515
00:20:50,566 --> 00:20:53,751
[Homer] Official Rules
of Noodleball, section 29:
516
00:20:53,828 --> 00:20:55,753
if a dog steals your pool ball,
517
00:20:55,830 --> 00:20:57,738
you're allowed
to steal its ball.
518
00:20:57,815 --> 00:20:59,740
[Grampa] All players
must count up their meds,
519
00:20:59,817 --> 00:21:02,426
and the one with the most pills
serves first.
520
00:21:02,503 --> 00:21:04,837
[Homer] The pool noodle
may be blown through
521
00:21:04,913 --> 00:21:06,246
but not yelled through.
522
00:21:06,324 --> 00:21:07,748
[Grampa]
In between points, a maximum
523
00:21:07,825 --> 00:21:10,676
of three pictures of grandkids
may be shown,
524
00:21:10,753 --> 00:21:14,605
four if the kids are costumed
or in a school play.
525
00:21:14,682 --> 00:21:17,424
[Homer] If a player's
pool noodle comes untied,
526
00:21:17,502 --> 00:21:19,518
that player must call "Flopper,"
527
00:21:19,595 --> 00:21:23,506
and the play is suspended
until the laughter subsides.
528
00:21:23,508 --> 00:21:27,285
[Homer] If the pool being played
in has a separate hot tub,
529
00:21:27,361 --> 00:21:28,995
nice.
530
00:21:32,867 --> 00:21:34,517
Shh!
531
00:21:34,519 --> 00:21:36,352
Captioning sponsored by
20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION
532
00:21:36,354 --> 00:21:37,778
and FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY
533
00:21:37,855 --> 00:21:39,714
and TOYOTA.
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