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1
00:00:08,717 --> 00:00:11,762
It came as a shock to many,
but with the power vacuum left
2
00:00:11,845 --> 00:00:13,639
by the heartless consumption
of our dictator,
3
00:00:13,722 --> 00:00:16,058
we shall impose even more
Draconian cookie law,
4
00:00:16,141 --> 00:00:17,643
one be-cookieing at a time!
5
00:00:17,726 --> 00:00:19,853
[all screaming]
6
00:00:21,021 --> 00:00:24,900
Oh, thank you! They took power immediately
after you and your grandpa left.
7
00:00:24,983 --> 00:00:26,568
Uh, sorry about that.
8
00:00:26,652 --> 00:00:29,029
Rick doesn't do transition plans.
I think he was just hungry.
9
00:00:29,112 --> 00:00:33,742
Well, now with you here, perhaps
a new system of government, King Morty?
10
00:00:33,825 --> 00:00:37,287
Look, I gotta run. I'm sure you guys
will figure it out. I believe in you.
11
00:00:40,374 --> 00:00:43,085
[alien] Morty! Can you help us
with this UFO-shaped hole?
12
00:00:43,168 --> 00:00:45,712
[Morty] Sure, jeez, but only
because I was in the neighborhood.
13
00:00:45,796 --> 00:00:48,507
-[screaming]
-[roars]
14
00:00:50,467 --> 00:00:52,219
[alien] Morty, thank God!
15
00:00:52,302 --> 00:00:54,638
The beast emerged
right after your grandpa left,
16
00:00:54,721 --> 00:00:56,598
and its gem went missing!
17
00:00:56,682 --> 00:00:59,142
Jeez, that is a crazy coincidence that I--
18
00:00:59,226 --> 00:01:01,562
If I were you, probably just best left alone.
19
00:01:01,645 --> 00:01:03,689
He's right. We should celebrate.
20
00:01:03,772 --> 00:01:04,773
-Feast?
-No time.
21
00:01:04,856 --> 00:01:07,568
Sounds pretty classic though.
Don't let me hold you up.
22
00:01:10,696 --> 00:01:13,240
[gasps] Son of a bitch. He marked it.
23
00:01:18,579 --> 00:01:20,163
[sizzles]
24
00:01:29,131 --> 00:01:30,882
[beeping]
25
00:01:30,966 --> 00:01:32,134
Oh!
26
00:01:32,551 --> 00:01:34,052
Phew.
27
00:01:36,555 --> 00:01:37,723
[sighs]
28
00:01:38,473 --> 00:01:40,017
-[gasps]
-[glass smashes]
29
00:01:40,475 --> 00:01:42,561
What the... [strains]
30
00:01:45,522 --> 00:01:46,773
Hey, what the hell?
31
00:01:46,857 --> 00:01:48,108
Oh, Jesus!
32
00:01:48,191 --> 00:01:50,277
You got some of that green stuff
on you too, huh?
33
00:01:50,360 --> 00:01:52,696
-This is bad. This is really bad.
-How do you think I feel?
34
00:01:52,779 --> 00:01:55,907
I had the ultimate stash hole,
and now I got a kid in my thigh.
35
00:01:56,617 --> 00:01:58,035
[theme music playing]
36
00:02:28,732 --> 00:02:32,736
You seem like a nice guy in my hand hole,
but if I can't sort this out, I'm dead.
37
00:02:34,321 --> 00:02:36,865
-What the hell, dude? Gross.
-I was just trying to...
38
00:02:36,948 --> 00:02:39,409
You're just trying to what?
Where'd this stuff come from?
39
00:02:39,493 --> 00:02:41,495
Garbage Goober,
get out here and eat this garbage.
40
00:02:41,578 --> 00:02:44,873
Mmm!
Trash, yeah, I love trash. Yum-yum trash.
41
00:02:44,956 --> 00:02:47,084
-I wanna eat trash.
-Hell yeah, I love that little guy.
42
00:02:47,167 --> 00:02:51,088
Wait a minute. Is that Mountain Dew
in my quantum transport solution?
43
00:02:51,171 --> 00:02:53,590
I saw you were marking the levels
so I had to top it off.
44
00:02:53,674 --> 00:02:56,760
Top it off? Do you know
how dangerously toxic this stuff is?
45
00:02:56,843 --> 00:02:58,679
And you added it to my portal fluid?
46
00:02:58,762 --> 00:03:01,556
-Only because you don't trust me!
-Oh, that's great logic, Morty.
47
00:03:01,640 --> 00:03:03,642
Forgive me for not doing
the kissy chef gesture
48
00:03:03,725 --> 00:03:05,560
since you probably spilled
this shit everywhere.
49
00:03:05,644 --> 00:03:07,854
-I don't want to teleport my lips.
-I did not spill it!
50
00:03:07,938 --> 00:03:10,065
I won't take your word for that
and I shouldn't have to,
51
00:03:10,148 --> 00:03:13,110
which is why I have sidekick rules.
If you can't [burps] follow them--
52
00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:15,445
I can be replaced, yeah, yeah,
so you keep telling me.
53
00:03:15,529 --> 00:03:17,989
Excuse me?
Did you just try to call my bluff?
54
00:03:18,073 --> 00:03:19,199
Have you ever seen me bluff?
55
00:03:19,282 --> 00:03:20,742
Fine. You know what, replace me!
56
00:03:20,826 --> 00:03:22,119
Replace me, Rick. Just do it!
57
00:03:22,202 --> 00:03:23,203
Good luck finding someone
58
00:03:23,286 --> 00:03:25,455
that can be told 80,000 times
how replaceable they are!
59
00:03:25,539 --> 00:03:27,833
Okay. I'll see your bluff call
and raise you reality.
60
00:03:27,916 --> 00:03:30,293
I can't pretend I haven't been
looking forward to this.
61
00:03:30,377 --> 00:03:32,671
Behold my Wheel of Better Things
Than Morty.
62
00:03:32,754 --> 00:03:35,090
What are you, 8? Is this macaroni art?
63
00:03:35,173 --> 00:03:37,592
You expect me to believe you built this
because you don't care?
64
00:03:37,676 --> 00:03:39,928
No, I built this
because I don't expect shit from you.
65
00:03:40,011 --> 00:03:41,888
Come on, anything!
Anything but Morty, let's go!
66
00:03:41,972 --> 00:03:44,266
Come on, baby, no whammies!
67
00:03:44,349 --> 00:03:47,018
Stop! Okay, that's it. Two crows. You're fired!
68
00:03:47,102 --> 00:03:49,187
Eat shit. You're just trying
to make me feel worthless.
69
00:03:49,271 --> 00:03:50,480
I never said you're worthless.
70
00:03:50,564 --> 00:03:54,067
In fact, I've given you a very clear metric
of your worth. Two crows.
71
00:03:54,151 --> 00:03:55,569
Note I didn't say three!
72
00:03:55,652 --> 00:03:58,572
Man, that is not a healthy relationship.
[sighs]
73
00:03:58,655 --> 00:04:00,615
I hope you don't mind me eavesdropping.
74
00:04:00,699 --> 00:04:03,660
Maybe we can figure out some sort of
sound-proof bandage solution.
75
00:04:03,744 --> 00:04:05,871
Hey, did Garbage Goober
eat my porno magazines?
76
00:04:05,954 --> 00:04:07,581
So, were you, like, a friend of Rick's?
77
00:04:07,664 --> 00:04:09,666
-Were you?
-[scoffs] Good question.
78
00:04:09,750 --> 00:04:10,959
What's he doing?
79
00:04:11,042 --> 00:04:13,670
Is he out there making sure
you see him collecting two crows?
80
00:04:13,962 --> 00:04:15,130
And now you're thinking,
81
00:04:15,213 --> 00:04:18,717
"Gee, maybe if he cares enough
to hurt me this bad, dot dot dot..."
82
00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:20,719
[sighs] Break the cycle, Morty.
83
00:04:20,802 --> 00:04:22,804
Change the things that you can change.
84
00:04:22,888 --> 00:04:25,223
That's what I did. And now I'm free.
85
00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:27,976
[crows caw]
86
00:04:28,059 --> 00:04:30,103
Only cramming six years
into six minutes, fellas.
87
00:04:30,187 --> 00:04:32,147
-Take your time.
-[caws]
88
00:04:34,191 --> 00:04:36,067
-[rings bell]
-Now that's what I'm talking about!
89
00:04:36,151 --> 00:04:38,111
If you nail the next one,
I've got bird Quaaludes.
90
00:04:38,195 --> 00:04:39,196
And I might even share.
91
00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:41,448
You know, you can stop doing that
for my benefit.
92
00:04:41,531 --> 00:04:42,866
Or keep doing it. Doesn't matter.
93
00:04:42,949 --> 00:04:44,451
I'm out. I'm walking away!
94
00:04:44,534 --> 00:04:45,952
Wait, Morty, don't go.
95
00:04:46,036 --> 00:04:47,496
-Not until you see this.
-[rings bell]
96
00:04:48,121 --> 00:04:50,123
Commence, bird on a wire!
97
00:04:54,044 --> 00:04:55,295
Yeah! Ha-ha!
98
00:04:55,754 --> 00:04:57,672
[grumbles] Jerk!
99
00:04:59,341 --> 00:05:00,550
Hey, let's hang out.
100
00:05:00,634 --> 00:05:03,428
We're like brothers now, we both got away,
you know, where are you at?
101
00:05:03,929 --> 00:05:07,140
Oh, you know what, shoot, can't.
I'm an alien, um, so...
102
00:05:07,224 --> 00:05:10,227
That's okay, Rick turned my bike
into a spaceship for solo adventures
103
00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:12,187
like picking up
his Venusian foot ointment.
104
00:05:12,270 --> 00:05:14,815
-God, I'm seeing it so clearly now.
-[clicking and beeping]
105
00:05:18,360 --> 00:05:20,570
-[beeping]
-Oh, wait. It says you're here on Earth.
106
00:05:20,654 --> 00:05:22,781
-Yeah. Oh, don't come here.
-Why not?
107
00:05:22,864 --> 00:05:24,908
Look, I get it,
my room is sometimes messy too,
108
00:05:24,991 --> 00:05:26,701
I'll pick you up, right outside your...
109
00:05:27,619 --> 00:05:28,829
...mental asylum?
110
00:05:28,912 --> 00:05:31,665
-Busted.
-You literally said "I'm free."
111
00:05:31,748 --> 00:05:32,958
I'm literally not free.
112
00:05:34,376 --> 00:05:38,046
-Stop! That's my blanket!
-How do you know Rick?
113
00:05:38,129 --> 00:05:41,091
Look, I came to your place
with him one night after the bar closed.
114
00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:45,178
I started messing around in your garage
and I spilled that portal stuff on me
115
00:05:45,262 --> 00:05:47,889
and he, kind of,
launched me to Australia.
116
00:05:47,973 --> 00:05:50,851
Like with this weirdly primitive
catapult, but the ammunition was--
117
00:05:50,934 --> 00:05:52,477
An airtight carbon chamber.
118
00:05:52,561 --> 00:05:54,521
Yeah, that's how we lost our cable guy.
119
00:05:54,604 --> 00:05:57,065
Anyways, that kind of experience
shakes you up so...
120
00:05:57,148 --> 00:05:59,401
Sorry I misled you. Have a nice life.
121
00:05:59,484 --> 00:06:00,861
[indistinct chatter]
122
00:06:00,944 --> 00:06:02,571
Nick. You got a visitor.
123
00:06:04,114 --> 00:06:05,198
[door opens]
124
00:06:09,786 --> 00:06:10,996
Damn, what happened to you?
125
00:06:11,079 --> 00:06:13,582
The guards like to beat us on Sundays.
[chuckles]
126
00:06:13,665 --> 00:06:14,791
Still better than Mondays.
127
00:06:14,875 --> 00:06:16,084
Jeez, what happens then?
128
00:06:16,167 --> 00:06:18,879
They lick our faces when we're tied down.
Plus, it's meatloaf day.
129
00:06:18,962 --> 00:06:20,714
Well, you're leaving now, buddy.
130
00:06:20,797 --> 00:06:23,133
-Whoa, whoa, whoa!
-I swiped them off the guard on my way in.
131
00:06:23,216 --> 00:06:26,428
I mean, sure, yeah,
I could undo my lock, but then what?
132
00:06:26,511 --> 00:06:28,513
After the smartest guy
in the world's done with you,
133
00:06:28,597 --> 00:06:30,140
it's kinda hard to find a footing again.
134
00:06:30,223 --> 00:06:33,226
That's why I need to get you out of here.
We're not the problem, he is.
135
00:06:33,310 --> 00:06:35,896
And if you can have a fresh start,
then maybe I can too.
136
00:06:37,647 --> 00:06:39,399
It's not like it's a prison break.
137
00:06:39,482 --> 00:06:42,319
We're just leaving like a hospital
that wants to help you extra bad.
138
00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:43,737
Follow me. [knocks]
139
00:06:45,155 --> 00:06:48,199
[grunts] Hey, get back here!
You better open this door!
140
00:06:50,827 --> 00:06:52,245
-I can fly!
-[growls]
141
00:06:52,329 --> 00:06:53,163
Keep running, Nick.
142
00:06:53,246 --> 00:06:55,373
The more you sweat, the saltier your cheeks.
143
00:06:55,457 --> 00:06:57,250
-Lick this!
-Thanks, Morty.
144
00:06:57,334 --> 00:06:58,793
That dude's got a tongue like a cat.
145
00:07:01,171 --> 00:07:04,424
-Stop those portal boys!
-Did you hear that? That's gonna stick!
146
00:07:05,508 --> 00:07:07,510
-[groans]
-Damn. Just like Jackie Chan!
147
00:07:07,594 --> 00:07:09,888
Ha! I guess that makes me Chris Tucker.
148
00:07:09,971 --> 00:07:12,766
-I guess?
-[device powering up]
149
00:07:14,100 --> 00:07:15,435
Gonna get you! [growls]
150
00:07:15,977 --> 00:07:16,978
[grunts]
151
00:07:24,027 --> 00:07:25,528
[Morty] Holy shit! Did you see that?
152
00:07:25,612 --> 00:07:27,030
I mean, you blinded a guy with puke!
153
00:07:27,113 --> 00:07:29,199
Oh, it was insane! Gimme dap.
154
00:07:29,282 --> 00:07:31,534
Am I doing it right? Did I give you a dap yet?
155
00:07:31,618 --> 00:07:32,702
Look at us. We got out!
156
00:07:32,786 --> 00:07:35,038
And not just from the asylum, but from Rick.
157
00:07:35,121 --> 00:07:38,124
You get to say what an adventure is now.
You still got that list?
158
00:07:38,208 --> 00:07:40,418
Dude, we can't do that stuff
without Rick's tech.
159
00:07:40,502 --> 00:07:44,047
Then it's time the Portal Boys
get themselves a portal gun.
160
00:07:45,548 --> 00:07:48,343
Remember your training, crows.
The idol should be around that corner!
161
00:07:49,678 --> 00:07:52,055
[crying]
162
00:07:55,225 --> 00:07:57,352
Do you guys just follow training
when you feel like it?
163
00:07:57,435 --> 00:07:59,521
That's not being trained, that's being dicks.
164
00:07:59,771 --> 00:08:00,939
[crows caw]
165
00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:04,025
Oh, now I see.
The real treasure is empathy.
166
00:08:04,109 --> 00:08:06,236
And that's worth way
more than any knick-knack.
167
00:08:06,319 --> 00:08:08,822
You guys just earned yourself
another adventure.
168
00:08:10,115 --> 00:08:11,574
The adventure is you're fired.
169
00:08:11,658 --> 00:08:13,535
Sorry, guys.
If I wanted another bleeding heart,
170
00:08:13,618 --> 00:08:16,788
I'd inject reanimator serum
into an actual bleeding heart.
171
00:08:16,871 --> 00:08:20,083
Relax, this is an avian planet
with 40 million species of bird.
172
00:08:20,166 --> 00:08:23,336
Even one day of working under me
will make you apex geniuses down there.
173
00:08:23,420 --> 00:08:25,547
Now hop into these pneumatic canisters
they used to use
174
00:08:25,630 --> 00:08:28,008
-at bank drive-thrus in the '70s.
-[crows caw]
175
00:08:31,553 --> 00:08:32,971
[sighs]
176
00:08:33,054 --> 00:08:35,140
[music playing on radio]
177
00:08:36,433 --> 00:08:38,601
What the... Hey! Who's tractor-beaming me?
178
00:08:38,685 --> 00:08:39,853
Nobody tractor-beams me.
179
00:08:40,854 --> 00:08:43,523
Nobody descrambles my
tractor beam scrambler to boot.
180
00:08:47,152 --> 00:08:51,156
Sorry for the tractor-beaming,
but did you lose these two crows?
181
00:08:51,239 --> 00:08:55,076
Oh, yeah. No, I dropped them off
because I can't hold a candle to them.
182
00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:57,287
You know, it seemed
like the decent thing to do.
183
00:08:57,370 --> 00:09:01,374
Be your crows. Train yourself.
Crows are then trained.
184
00:09:01,458 --> 00:09:02,792
I'm open to what you're describing
185
00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:05,628
if it's easier than wiping
an unearned smirk off my grandson's face.
186
00:09:05,712 --> 00:09:06,588
What do I do?
187
00:09:06,671 --> 00:09:09,549
Look at your crows. Be your crows.
188
00:09:09,632 --> 00:09:10,884
God, I am so glad I'm a primate.
189
00:09:10,967 --> 00:09:13,094
Fine. Looking at my crows.
190
00:09:13,845 --> 00:09:15,722
We train ourselves to stop training.
191
00:09:15,805 --> 00:09:19,434
The trained are untrained,
we are untrained.
192
00:09:19,517 --> 00:09:21,770
All training is complete.
193
00:09:21,853 --> 00:09:23,897
Because no training was needed.
194
00:09:24,606 --> 00:09:26,316
[crows cawing]
195
00:09:37,702 --> 00:09:38,703
[lighter clicks]
196
00:09:39,329 --> 00:09:41,289
My God. I get it now.
197
00:09:41,372 --> 00:09:44,042
We are gonna shove this crow shit
down Morty's throat!
198
00:09:45,085 --> 00:09:47,837
Nick, maybe this isn't a good idea.
Like, what if he catches us?
199
00:09:47,921 --> 00:09:50,381
-He could trap me in a matrix again.
-Listen to yourself.
200
00:09:50,465 --> 00:09:54,177
We wouldn't even be in this situation
if the dude hadn't fucked us both over.
201
00:09:55,345 --> 00:09:57,889
Damn it. He must be showing
the gun off to his stupid crows.
202
00:09:57,972 --> 00:09:58,848
It's not fair!
203
00:09:58,932 --> 00:10:01,559
It's okay. We can still liberate
all this other stuff.
204
00:10:01,643 --> 00:10:03,728
Let's only grab what we need though.
205
00:10:03,812 --> 00:10:05,605
Oh, no! Shit! That's Rick's can crusher.
206
00:10:05,688 --> 00:10:07,273
He spent three weeks perfecting that.
207
00:10:07,357 --> 00:10:09,442
Morty, buddy,
you forget that we're in this together.
208
00:10:09,526 --> 00:10:10,401
[Morty yelps]
209
00:10:10,485 --> 00:10:12,862
Besides, tell me that didn't feel
the slightest bit good.
210
00:10:12,946 --> 00:10:15,365
I mean, yeah, but we can't do that again.
211
00:10:15,448 --> 00:10:17,283
-Why the hell not?
-[crashing]
212
00:10:20,161 --> 00:10:21,579
Whoa!
213
00:10:21,663 --> 00:10:23,039
-[laughs]
-[farting]
214
00:10:23,123 --> 00:10:25,667
-[Nick laughs]
-[Morty] Here we go, bitch!
215
00:10:25,750 --> 00:10:27,836
Son, have you fallen in with a weird stranger,
216
00:10:27,919 --> 00:10:30,171
and are now trashing your grandpa's place?
217
00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:32,924
-Because I'll help.
-[smashing]
218
00:10:33,591 --> 00:10:34,884
-[gurgling]
-Dad?
219
00:10:34,968 --> 00:10:36,052
Whatever, man.
220
00:10:36,136 --> 00:10:38,179
-Oh, yeah!
-Yeah! Now eat my ass, Rick!
221
00:10:38,263 --> 00:10:39,597
Suck it, Sanchez!
222
00:10:40,723 --> 00:10:42,225
Morty, is that what I think it is?
223
00:10:42,308 --> 00:10:44,519
I mean, it's the equivalent
of an iPhone 3 and it's empty,
224
00:10:44,602 --> 00:10:47,438
but it means the Portal Boys be portalling!
225
00:10:47,522 --> 00:10:50,066
-[computer] Rick incoming.
-Ah, crap. We better skedaddle.
226
00:10:50,150 --> 00:10:51,943
[gurgling] Morty!
227
00:10:52,026 --> 00:10:53,611
What about my dad? He's, like, a puddle.
228
00:10:53,695 --> 00:10:54,571
You heard the garage.
229
00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:56,739
Rick will turn him back into a solid
when he gets here.
230
00:10:56,823 --> 00:10:59,784
Sorry, Dad, gotta go be heroes.
Gonna take your car, love you!
231
00:11:05,165 --> 00:11:07,417
Mm. That's us down there
with the poop brown roof.
232
00:11:16,843 --> 00:11:18,553
-What is that?
-Oh, huh.
233
00:11:18,636 --> 00:11:20,763
That? That's... nothing.
234
00:11:20,847 --> 00:11:23,683
But I see "Two Crows"
written right here beside...
235
00:11:23,766 --> 00:11:27,228
"Gene with donkey brains,"
"half a Paul Giamatti,"
236
00:11:27,312 --> 00:11:28,730
and "sentient shit"!
237
00:11:28,813 --> 00:11:31,357
I guess the joke being that crows are stupid?
238
00:11:31,441 --> 00:11:33,359
I think it's a little more nuanced than that.
239
00:11:33,443 --> 00:11:36,738
Right, because you just learned empathy
from us ten minutes ago,
240
00:11:36,821 --> 00:11:39,199
but now we're going to learn
we don't get your humor?
241
00:11:39,282 --> 00:11:40,200
Fucking horse shit!
242
00:11:40,283 --> 00:11:42,493
Yeah, there's not a ton to get, genius.
243
00:11:42,577 --> 00:11:45,747
The joke is your grandson
was so replaceable
244
00:11:45,830 --> 00:11:48,333
that even two crows could do it.
245
00:11:48,416 --> 00:11:50,418
[chuckles] It's funny, except it's not.
246
00:11:50,501 --> 00:11:53,046
Right, well, to be honest,
that is how I felt at the time.
247
00:11:53,129 --> 00:11:55,882
But I've rounded a corner.
I seriously have, you guys.
248
00:11:55,965 --> 00:12:00,386
Well, now it's time to round
the corner of death!
249
00:12:02,055 --> 00:12:04,182
[crow] Let the crowvolution begin!
250
00:12:05,141 --> 00:12:06,017
[screams]
251
00:12:06,517 --> 00:12:08,478
Ah, that sound! What have you done?
252
00:12:08,561 --> 00:12:11,856
Turned crows against dozens
of humans in a 300-meter radius.
253
00:12:11,940 --> 00:12:13,107
[Rick groans]
254
00:12:13,191 --> 00:12:16,653
-[gurgling] Help, please...
-Oh, now you beg for help?
255
00:12:16,736 --> 00:12:18,071
-That wasn't me.
-What do you mean?
256
00:12:18,154 --> 00:12:20,114
[gurgling] Down here.
257
00:12:20,198 --> 00:12:23,493
-Jerry, what the fuck, why are you a puddle?
-Well, you don't deserve these!
258
00:12:23,576 --> 00:12:25,203
[laughs] Genius.
259
00:12:25,286 --> 00:12:27,747
-[gurgling] Catch you at a bad time?
-Yeah, Jerry.
260
00:12:27,830 --> 00:12:29,832
They took my goddamn crows!
261
00:12:33,419 --> 00:12:35,922
Not now, Garbage Goober!
Get back in your hole!
262
00:12:39,300 --> 00:12:42,887
[chuckles] Our first adventure!
This definitely the place?
263
00:12:42,971 --> 00:12:45,765
Yeah, Rick's been ripping these guys off
for years, they'll be really...
264
00:12:45,848 --> 00:12:47,225
[distant yelling]
265
00:12:47,308 --> 00:12:48,643
...uh, grateful.
266
00:12:48,726 --> 00:12:50,770
-You know, there--
-Let's just get that fluid, bud.
267
00:12:50,853 --> 00:12:54,107
The Portal Boys are about to be
in portal business!
268
00:12:54,190 --> 00:12:55,900
[music playing]
269
00:12:56,693 --> 00:12:57,568
Here he is.
270
00:12:57,652 --> 00:12:59,654
This rat was skimming your crystal harvest
271
00:12:59,737 --> 00:13:03,491
and sending it to a spaceman
named Rick Sanchez.
272
00:13:03,574 --> 00:13:04,575
-Bastard!
-Screw Rick!
273
00:13:04,659 --> 00:13:06,077
-Kick his dick!
-Right?
274
00:13:06,160 --> 00:13:08,663
But me and Nick here,
we put a stop to that.
275
00:13:08,746 --> 00:13:09,831
[slams table]
276
00:13:10,123 --> 00:13:13,209
-[alien gasps]
-The people of Kuntak thank you.
277
00:13:13,293 --> 00:13:14,544
He's a bad guy, right?
278
00:13:14,627 --> 00:13:16,129
You're gonna bring him to justice?
279
00:13:16,212 --> 00:13:18,423
-Yeah, of course.
-[gunshot]
280
00:13:18,840 --> 00:13:20,925
Okay, pleasure doing business.
281
00:13:21,009 --> 00:13:22,135
Not so fast, Morty.
282
00:13:22,218 --> 00:13:24,762
We're not leaving
until we get what we came for.
283
00:13:24,846 --> 00:13:25,805
Funny, I'm prepared to.
284
00:13:25,888 --> 00:13:28,182
So, hey, look, what we want is portal fluid.
285
00:13:28,266 --> 00:13:29,851
-As our thanks.
-[chuckles]
286
00:13:29,934 --> 00:13:31,311
Portal fluid?
287
00:13:31,394 --> 00:13:34,731
You think I'd live in
a lizard mine if I had portal fluid?
288
00:13:34,814 --> 00:13:37,859
Right... Okay, or we could just kill you for it.
289
00:13:37,942 --> 00:13:39,819
-[laughs]
-He's kidding. He's...
290
00:13:39,902 --> 00:13:41,612
The Portal Boys only kill with kindness.
291
00:13:41,696 --> 00:13:43,948
-And with guns.
-Oh, no.
292
00:13:44,032 --> 00:13:45,825
Oh, no! I'm not the one shooting!
293
00:13:46,659 --> 00:13:48,536
-Kill them!
-I'm sorry.
294
00:13:48,619 --> 00:13:49,871
Stop!
295
00:13:49,954 --> 00:13:51,539
Stop! They're unarmed!
296
00:13:52,915 --> 00:13:55,126
Ah! What the fuck? Morty!
297
00:13:55,209 --> 00:13:56,294
Morty!
298
00:13:56,794 --> 00:13:58,212
[crows cawing]
299
00:14:03,551 --> 00:14:04,510
Cool place you got here.
300
00:14:04,594 --> 00:14:06,804
Very "Dark Crystal meets Hot Topic."
301
00:14:06,888 --> 00:14:08,139
Now, where are my damn crows?
302
00:14:11,184 --> 00:14:12,518
-[crunches]
-[crow alarm sounds]
303
00:14:12,602 --> 00:14:15,396
Seriously?
ls there anything not on theme here?
304
00:14:17,315 --> 00:14:18,649
[crows yelp]
305
00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:28,701
Even now, your primate storms
our ship to assert his dominance.
306
00:14:28,785 --> 00:14:31,579
Touch the sacred egg and ascend.
307
00:14:31,662 --> 00:14:34,457
No longer shall you take orders
from this beast.
308
00:14:34,540 --> 00:14:37,877
-But taking orders from you is fine?
-Silence, ape! [caws]
309
00:14:38,836 --> 00:14:39,837
[groans]
310
00:14:39,921 --> 00:14:42,882
Come on! If you think my crows
are gonna leave the great thing we have
311
00:14:42,965 --> 00:14:45,927
for whatever high fantasy bullshit
this is, you're wrong.
312
00:14:46,010 --> 00:14:46,969
Right, guys?
313
00:14:47,845 --> 00:14:49,472
This is seriously a toss-up?
314
00:14:49,555 --> 00:14:51,307
[phone ringing]
315
00:14:51,391 --> 00:14:52,975
Uh, someone wanna get that?
316
00:14:53,684 --> 00:14:55,645
Oh. It's me, isn't it? Oof.
317
00:14:55,728 --> 00:14:58,189
Let me just make sure
it's not an emergency... Yello.
318
00:14:58,272 --> 00:15:00,608
Rick, I'm so sorry, I messed up big!
319
00:15:00,691 --> 00:15:02,693
Morty? It's okay,
you can't be worse off than me.
320
00:15:02,777 --> 00:15:04,445
I got portal splashed, robbed you,
321
00:15:04,529 --> 00:15:07,281
jumped into a rebound with a psycho,
and left a trail of dead!
322
00:15:07,365 --> 00:15:08,533
Wow. Somebody's been busy.
323
00:15:08,616 --> 00:15:11,452
I did it because you hurt my feelings
when you chose the two crows.
324
00:15:11,536 --> 00:15:12,537
Jesus, it was a bit.
325
00:15:12,620 --> 00:15:14,872
I'm getting my ass kicked
by this dumb fucking crow story.
326
00:15:14,956 --> 00:15:16,040
It's all gone tits up.
327
00:15:16,124 --> 00:15:19,293
Huh. Okay. I miss you, man.
328
00:15:19,377 --> 00:15:21,587
Goddamn it.
Might've been a bit too frank there.
329
00:15:29,429 --> 00:15:31,681
Yeah, gonna have to call you back.
330
00:15:31,764 --> 00:15:32,682
[screams]
331
00:15:32,765 --> 00:15:35,017
[Nick grunts] Tiny-handed little brat.
332
00:15:35,101 --> 00:15:37,520
You think you can fuck with me
and get away with it?
333
00:15:37,603 --> 00:15:40,231
Then you don't know Nick!
334
00:15:43,276 --> 00:15:44,735
[grunts]
335
00:15:46,154 --> 00:15:47,196
[groans]
336
00:15:47,905 --> 00:15:49,615
Busted!
337
00:15:49,699 --> 00:15:51,075
You don't get it, do you?
338
00:15:51,159 --> 00:15:54,370
As long as we have these portals,
you can never escape me.
339
00:15:54,454 --> 00:15:55,329
What the hell, man!
340
00:15:55,413 --> 00:15:57,498
I thought we were both victims
of Rick's abuse.
341
00:15:57,582 --> 00:15:58,875
Maybe we are, maybe we're not.
342
00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:00,626
Maybe we both just drink at the same bar,
343
00:16:00,710 --> 00:16:03,421
and maybe one night
I tried to take his portal gun.
344
00:16:03,504 --> 00:16:05,882
See, I thought Rick was my ticket
to something special,
345
00:16:05,965 --> 00:16:07,675
but it turns out you were, Morty!
346
00:16:07,758 --> 00:16:10,678
And look at me now. I'm a Portal Boy!
347
00:16:10,761 --> 00:16:13,181
That name sucks!
I was just trying to "yes, and."
348
00:16:13,264 --> 00:16:14,807
You don't get it, Morty.
349
00:16:16,017 --> 00:16:17,101
We're partners.
350
00:16:17,185 --> 00:16:19,687
Now fall in line
or I'll make your life a living hell.
351
00:16:19,770 --> 00:16:21,314
No, thank you.
352
00:16:21,397 --> 00:16:25,651
Pity. I can't have you connected to me
if you're not on my side!
353
00:16:25,735 --> 00:16:27,695
That means I gotta kill you!
354
00:16:27,778 --> 00:16:31,657
The thing is, I already got a partner,
and there's no room for promotions.
355
00:16:32,241 --> 00:16:34,577
[screams]
356
00:16:35,286 --> 00:16:36,746
What the fuck did you just do?
357
00:16:36,829 --> 00:16:38,706
Cut you out of my life.
358
00:16:39,373 --> 00:16:41,459
[screaming]
359
00:16:45,004 --> 00:16:46,797
-[screams]
-[sizzling]
360
00:16:46,881 --> 00:16:48,007
[grunts]
361
00:16:54,430 --> 00:16:57,600
See how quickly
your allies abandon you, Rick Sanchez?
362
00:16:57,683 --> 00:17:00,061
Lucky for me,
abandonment's my bread and butter.
363
00:17:05,066 --> 00:17:06,734
Oh, shit! You were supposed to die!
364
00:17:06,817 --> 00:17:07,944
Gotta hand it to you,
365
00:17:08,027 --> 00:17:10,947
I was iffy about this one,
but crow tech slaps!
366
00:17:11,030 --> 00:17:12,114
[yells]
367
00:17:14,450 --> 00:17:15,326
[grunts]
368
00:17:15,409 --> 00:17:18,579
-Finish him, you fools!
-Go ahead. Do it.
369
00:17:18,663 --> 00:17:22,917
You guys look so rad.
I deserve to go out this way. [groans]
370
00:17:27,713 --> 00:17:30,216
-Bird Quaaludes.
-Bird Quaaludes.
371
00:17:30,299 --> 00:17:31,300
Done.
372
00:17:35,596 --> 00:17:36,931
Oh, my God. That was awesome.
373
00:17:37,014 --> 00:17:40,393
You could've killed me back there.
How did you guys ever forgive me?
374
00:17:40,476 --> 00:17:41,644
[crows caw]
375
00:17:41,727 --> 00:17:44,730
Right, because this toxic thing
I have with Morty doesn't define us.
376
00:17:44,814 --> 00:17:47,024
Man, crows are empathetic as fuck.
377
00:17:49,569 --> 00:17:50,820
Definitely saving this one.
378
00:17:54,073 --> 00:17:55,575
Rick and Two Crows!
379
00:18:00,246 --> 00:18:01,247
Oh, my God, Morty.
380
00:18:01,330 --> 00:18:03,874
Here, come here, let Grandpa fix you up.
381
00:18:03,958 --> 00:18:05,876
What do you want, a robot hand?
A lizard hand?
382
00:18:05,960 --> 00:18:07,628
I can make it big again like that one time?
383
00:18:07,712 --> 00:18:11,048
-Just my regular hand!
-Right, not a time for bits, I get it.
384
00:18:13,759 --> 00:18:15,553
There you go, good as new.
385
00:18:15,636 --> 00:18:19,348
So we're like, back-back, right?
Rick and Morty, together again.
386
00:18:19,432 --> 00:18:21,309
-Full reset?
-[sighs]
387
00:18:21,392 --> 00:18:23,311
No. No, Morty, I think we're done.
388
00:18:23,394 --> 00:18:25,521
Because I spilled the portal fluid
and didn't tell you?
389
00:18:25,605 --> 00:18:27,982
No, Morty. Because you were
too afraid to tell me.
390
00:18:28,065 --> 00:18:29,900
What we had was abusive. Don't you see?
391
00:18:29,984 --> 00:18:32,486
I'm a bad partner
because I never made you a true partner.
392
00:18:32,570 --> 00:18:33,946
The crows made me see that.
393
00:18:34,030 --> 00:18:35,448
I thought they were a joke like you,
394
00:18:35,531 --> 00:18:37,700
but it turns out they're
more enlightened than any of us.
395
00:18:37,783 --> 00:18:39,994
Oh, okay? And what's the undercut?
396
00:18:40,077 --> 00:18:41,120
You're not hearing me.
397
00:18:41,203 --> 00:18:42,538
I will never be the same.
398
00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:45,374
So, I need to leave with the crows
and see what more they can teach me.
399
00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:46,751
Oh.
400
00:18:47,209 --> 00:18:48,753
-Oh.
-Here.
401
00:18:49,670 --> 00:18:52,089
-[crows caw]
-I want you to have this.
402
00:18:52,173 --> 00:18:53,799
Oh, wow. I...
403
00:18:54,300 --> 00:18:57,094
You know what, Rick?
You really have changed.
404
00:18:57,553 --> 00:18:58,763
Thanks, Morty.
405
00:19:00,473 --> 00:19:02,308
I'll always be your grandpa, Morty.
406
00:19:02,391 --> 00:19:04,268
Just kinda obsessed with crows now.
407
00:19:13,944 --> 00:19:15,655
[crows cawing]
408
00:19:16,447 --> 00:19:22,828
♪ I thought that the sun burned brighter
With you by my side ♪
409
00:19:23,496 --> 00:19:24,789
[sobs]
410
00:19:24,872 --> 00:19:31,754
♪ And that we'd go on forever
Together you and I ♪
411
00:19:34,340 --> 00:19:37,718
Oh, shit! Rick and Two Crows!
Kicking off my new franchise!
412
00:19:37,802 --> 00:19:39,303
The galaxy is our telephone wire!
413
00:19:39,387 --> 00:19:42,723
We'll do a thousand seasons,
14 episodes each, nine seconds a pop
414
00:19:42,807 --> 00:19:45,685
because that's the future of viewing.
Shows on your shoes. Sneaky!
415
00:19:45,768 --> 00:19:49,063
That's when you've got everybody's attention,
when they're putting crap on their feet.
416
00:19:49,146 --> 00:19:50,898
That's when they wanna laugh, cry,
417
00:19:50,981 --> 00:19:53,192
or feel anything
besides a shoe going on their foot!
418
00:19:53,275 --> 00:19:54,610
Watch sitcoms on your sneakers!
419
00:19:54,694 --> 00:19:56,195
The Rick and Two Crows Show.
420
00:19:56,278 --> 00:20:00,408
We're gonna be laying walnuts
on the road for car tires to open them.
421
00:20:00,491 --> 00:20:03,786
You know what I mean?
Forever, it's Rick and Two Crows forever!
422
00:20:07,039 --> 00:20:11,168
♪ Thought we'd go on
You by my side ♪
423
00:20:11,252 --> 00:20:14,880
♪ Forever, you and I ♪
424
00:20:15,423 --> 00:20:19,385
♪ We raised hell, every night ♪
425
00:20:19,468 --> 00:20:22,972
♪ Together, you and I ♪
426
00:20:23,639 --> 00:20:27,560
♪ Running on borrowed time ♪
427
00:20:27,643 --> 00:20:31,564
♪ Forever, you and I ♪
428
00:20:39,780 --> 00:20:40,781
[red light buzzes]
429
00:20:40,865 --> 00:20:42,742
-Oh!
-Where do you think you're going?
430
00:20:42,825 --> 00:20:44,410
Oh, well, you know...
431
00:20:44,493 --> 00:20:47,204
the red light usually means there's garbage...
432
00:20:47,288 --> 00:20:50,708
-Did you seriously not talk to Rick yet?
-I kinda hinted at it.
433
00:20:50,791 --> 00:20:54,003
Look, I know it's not the job I came here for,
but it's an honest living.
434
00:20:54,086 --> 00:20:55,254
Goddamn it, Harold!
435
00:20:55,337 --> 00:20:57,506
What do they call you? Garbage Goober?
436
00:20:57,590 --> 00:20:59,508
You are a doctor for God's sake!
437
00:20:59,592 --> 00:21:01,385
Look, I don't know how I let this happen,
438
00:21:01,469 --> 00:21:04,430
but I've let it play out
so long that I can't stop now.
439
00:21:04,972 --> 00:21:06,515
You're a coward.
440
00:21:07,391 --> 00:21:10,019
You're right. This ends here and now.
441
00:21:10,102 --> 00:21:12,688
[Summer] Garbage Goober,
we got freshy trash-trash for you!
442
00:21:12,772 --> 00:21:15,441
Extra stinky, just the way you like it!
443
00:21:16,942 --> 00:21:19,028
Mmm. Trash, I love trash.
444
00:21:19,111 --> 00:21:21,155
Yum-yum trash. I wanna eat trash.
33303
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