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1
00:00:08,008 --> 00:00:09,968
Mom! We're gonna miss the movie!
2
00:00:10,052 --> 00:00:12,387
-No, we're not.
-Okay, but we've been here for hours.
3
00:00:12,471 --> 00:00:14,723
I don't want to hang out
at the stupid horse hospital.
4
00:00:14,806 --> 00:00:17,184
The stupid horse hospital
puts dinner on your table.
5
00:00:17,267 --> 00:00:19,394
It wouldn't kill you to take an interest.
6
00:00:21,480 --> 00:00:22,648
What's this thing?
7
00:00:22,731 --> 00:00:24,942
In the middle of the room
with the hole in the end?
8
00:00:25,025 --> 00:00:27,569
[Beth] That's a breeding mount.
The nurses use it to collect.
9
00:00:27,653 --> 00:00:29,530
Reproductive material.
10
00:00:30,948 --> 00:00:32,366
[whirring]
11
00:00:32,449 --> 00:00:34,576
[squishing]
12
00:00:40,666 --> 00:00:41,750
[whirring stops]
13
00:00:41,833 --> 00:00:43,961
Okay, let's go see this
latest piece of Marvel shit
14
00:00:44,044 --> 00:00:47,047
-you kids are jizzing over.
-Yeah. About time.
15
00:00:47,130 --> 00:00:50,968
So, does your hospital ever need, like,
after-school volunteers?
16
00:00:51,051 --> 00:00:53,262
[Beth] Wow. Who are you
and where did you put my son?
17
00:00:53,345 --> 00:00:56,807
[Morty] Ha! No, no. Seriously.
I'm very interested in your work.
18
00:00:58,267 --> 00:00:59,476
[birds chirping]
19
00:01:01,270 --> 00:01:04,523
[sighs] Morty, you dirty little doggy.
20
00:01:04,606 --> 00:01:06,942
-[liquid sloshing]
-[grunts] Come on!
21
00:01:07,734 --> 00:01:08,819
[liquid sloshing]
22
00:01:11,196 --> 00:01:13,323
-Hey, Rick.
-Oh, hey, kiddo. How's your Saturday?
23
00:01:13,407 --> 00:01:16,618
-You know, super chill. What you doing?
-Eh, nothing adventurous.
24
00:01:16,702 --> 00:01:19,162
You know that race of Underground
Dwelling Cannibal Horse People
25
00:01:19,246 --> 00:01:21,999
-that we're always fighting?
-Yeah, the CHUDs. What about them?
26
00:01:22,082 --> 00:01:23,250
Well, don't tell anybody,
27
00:01:23,333 --> 00:01:25,502
but I'm working on a bioweapon
to use against them,
28
00:01:25,586 --> 00:01:27,879
so I got this barrel of horse semen
from your mom's hospital
29
00:01:27,963 --> 00:01:31,425
and I'm just gonna, you know,
subject it to some otherworldly forces.
30
00:01:31,508 --> 00:01:33,093
Guess I should test it, make sure it's--
31
00:01:33,176 --> 00:01:35,053
-Make sure it's what?
-Horse semen, obviously.
32
00:01:35,137 --> 00:01:38,432
-But it says it is right on the barrel!
-You're not being very scientific, Morty.
33
00:01:38,515 --> 00:01:40,684
Measure twice, cut once. Especially with semen.
34
00:01:40,767 --> 00:01:42,477
Did you even ask Mom if you could have this?
35
00:01:42,561 --> 00:01:44,980
Morty, if I wanted to steal horse semen, I'd--
36
00:01:45,063 --> 00:01:47,190
Yes, I asked her. What is at stake for you here?
37
00:01:47,274 --> 00:01:50,319
-Why don't you trust labels?
-All right! Fine! I won't test it!
38
00:01:50,402 --> 00:01:53,196
God damn. Your generation really
picks random hills to die on.
39
00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:56,158
Don't get close. I'm running an inhuman
amount of power through this semen.
40
00:01:56,241 --> 00:01:58,410
Should be safe, though,
since the semen itself is,
41
00:01:58,493 --> 00:02:01,413
-you know, also inhuman. Here we go.
-[powering up]
42
00:02:02,122 --> 00:02:05,125
[high-pitched ringing]
43
00:02:07,836 --> 00:02:10,547
-[creature growling]
-[screaming]
44
00:02:15,802 --> 00:02:17,763
-What happened?
-The sperm, Morty!
45
00:02:17,846 --> 00:02:20,432
They're super monster sperm now!
I blame myself.
46
00:02:20,515 --> 00:02:22,684
Unless there was something
about the sperm I didn't know.
47
00:02:22,768 --> 00:02:24,353
Are you saying that to mess with me?
48
00:02:24,436 --> 00:02:26,980
-What? Mess with you how?
-Like, trying to get me to say something?
49
00:02:27,064 --> 00:02:28,940
Morty, I have no idea what you're talking about!
50
00:02:29,024 --> 00:02:30,025
-For real?
-Yes!
51
00:02:30,108 --> 00:02:32,569
Okay. Good. Then. Then it's your fault!
52
00:02:33,320 --> 00:02:34,738
[theme music playing]
53
00:03:05,435 --> 00:03:08,355
-[Beth] What the hell is going on?
-Sweetheart, can you give me a minute?
54
00:03:08,438 --> 00:03:10,649
I'm trying to steer around
the bodies of our neighbors.
55
00:03:10,732 --> 00:03:12,025
-[thud]
-Oh, that felt like Gene.
56
00:03:12,109 --> 00:03:13,568
-That's on you, Beth.
-Dad, I swear--
57
00:03:13,652 --> 00:03:16,279
-Mom, it's not Rick's fault, it's--
-Space sperm.
58
00:03:16,363 --> 00:03:18,156
-What?
-Yeah. Space sperm.
59
00:03:18,240 --> 00:03:20,534
I've seen them before, but never like this.
60
00:03:20,617 --> 00:03:23,203
Space sperm? Sperm from space?
61
00:03:23,286 --> 00:03:25,080
Very impressive verbal forensic work, Jerry.
62
00:03:25,163 --> 00:03:27,249
Holy shit. How big are space dicks?
63
00:03:27,332 --> 00:03:29,793
Don't answer that! Damn, they must be huge.
64
00:03:29,876 --> 00:03:31,878
[tires screeching]
65
00:03:31,962 --> 00:03:33,004
[Rick] Oh!
66
00:03:36,717 --> 00:03:37,926
Oh, shit, oh, shit, shit!
67
00:03:38,677 --> 00:03:40,178
[roaring]
68
00:03:41,138 --> 00:03:42,973
-[snarling]
-[pistol clicks]
69
00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:48,478
Mr. Sanchez! The president
is very eager to speak with you!
70
00:03:51,106 --> 00:03:52,566
Morty, look, you gotta do me a solid.
71
00:03:52,649 --> 00:03:55,068
You want me to keep the secret
of where these things came from?
72
00:03:55,152 --> 00:03:57,112
Yes, technically, it's a lie, but I messed up,
73
00:03:57,195 --> 00:03:59,448
and I'm embarrassed because it's,
you know, science.
74
00:03:59,531 --> 00:04:02,909
-No problem. I got your back, dawg.
-Really? Okay. Cool.
75
00:04:02,993 --> 00:04:05,203
Thanks, Morty. I thought that'd be a harder sell.
76
00:04:05,287 --> 00:04:06,538
You did a shameful thing.
77
00:04:06,621 --> 00:04:08,790
Dwelling on it isn't gonna help,
you know, am I right?
78
00:04:08,874 --> 00:04:10,709
Sometimes you just gotta wipe it off,
79
00:04:10,792 --> 00:04:13,170
toss it in the trash,
and head back to study hall.
80
00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:15,672
Uh, not getting the metaphor
but I'll take your hall pass.
81
00:04:15,756 --> 00:04:17,632
Sanchez! Get the hell in here!
82
00:04:17,716 --> 00:04:21,178
Space sperm? Jesus. How big are space dicks?
83
00:04:21,261 --> 00:04:22,262
Same page club.
84
00:04:22,345 --> 00:04:24,556
Well, Mr. President, the theory of Cosmic DNA
85
00:04:24,639 --> 00:04:27,309
has been around for decades.
Chupacabras, Yeti,
86
00:04:27,392 --> 00:04:28,977
Stonehenge, Ancient Rome.
87
00:04:29,060 --> 00:04:31,313
Are these all myths, monsters, legends,
88
00:04:31,396 --> 00:04:33,857
or different names for sperm from outer space?
89
00:04:33,940 --> 00:04:36,693
I'll tell you what I think, Sanchez.
I think either you caused this,
90
00:04:36,777 --> 00:04:39,154
or it's those godforsaken Horse People
that dwell underground.
91
00:04:39,237 --> 00:04:41,740
-[both] CHUDs.
-That's them. Ugh, if they're behind this,
92
00:04:41,823 --> 00:04:43,200
so help me, God.
93
00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:45,160
Morty, you've always been a straight shooter.
94
00:04:45,243 --> 00:04:47,496
You can't prove that! Wait, what? Oh, oh, right.
95
00:04:47,579 --> 00:04:50,415
I can protect you, little man.
Blow that whistle. Toot, toot.
96
00:04:50,499 --> 00:04:51,875
Is this your grandpa's fault?
97
00:04:51,958 --> 00:04:54,628
Here's what I know, sir.
This is the greatest country on Earth.
98
00:04:54,711 --> 00:04:56,546
It invented apple pies and lasers.
99
00:04:56,630 --> 00:04:58,256
-Mm. Keep talking.
-And that sperm.
100
00:04:58,340 --> 00:04:59,758
We don't know nothing about it.
101
00:04:59,841 --> 00:05:01,927
Then the CHUDs just got themselves a war.
102
00:05:02,010 --> 00:05:04,513
And you just dodged a personal drone strike.
103
00:05:04,596 --> 00:05:05,931
Hello! Hello. Sorry, I'm late.
104
00:05:06,014 --> 00:05:08,767
This is Professor Shabooboo,
the world's leading expert on sperm.
105
00:05:08,850 --> 00:05:11,311
-Thanks for getting here so fast.
-My schedule was wide open.
106
00:05:11,394 --> 00:05:13,980
I have been tracking our new sperm friends
since their arrival.
107
00:05:14,064 --> 00:05:17,359
If my calculations are correct,
they have gathered here.
108
00:05:17,442 --> 00:05:20,529
Why would the sperm go to the Grand Canyon?
109
00:05:20,612 --> 00:05:23,907
Why are you looking at me
like the answer is obvious?
110
00:05:23,990 --> 00:05:26,284
Oh, you can't be serious.
Are we in middle school?
111
00:05:26,368 --> 00:05:28,578
You think sperm are instinctively
heading for America's--
112
00:05:28,662 --> 00:05:31,248
Don't high-road us, lady. It's where they went.
113
00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:35,126
Now, how do we deal with these.
"Orgasogoblins"? No takers?
114
00:05:35,210 --> 00:05:38,630
Okay. These "Cumplestiltskins?" No? Dumb?
115
00:05:38,713 --> 00:05:41,174
-These, uh, "Skeet Boogins?"
-Oh, yeah, yeah, Skeet Boogins.
116
00:05:41,258 --> 00:05:42,676
Really? Skeet Boogins?
117
00:05:42,759 --> 00:05:46,096
-We'll use it as a placeholder and beat it later.
-Mr. President, if I may?
118
00:05:46,179 --> 00:05:48,598
Luckily, I was able to secure a specimen.
119
00:05:48,682 --> 00:05:51,184
Now, obviously our first steps
will be to analyze its DNA
120
00:05:51,268 --> 00:05:53,270
and figure out what these beautiful creat--
121
00:05:53,353 --> 00:05:55,939
-Oh, why?
-It had a gun!
122
00:05:56,690 --> 00:05:59,234
Are you out of your mind
bringing an armed sperm in here?
123
00:05:59,317 --> 00:06:02,195
-But they can't hold guns!
-The boy literally never lies!
124
00:06:02,279 --> 00:06:05,574
Look, if you want these things gone,
give Rick and me a plane and some nukes.
125
00:06:05,657 --> 00:06:07,450
We'll wipe them out
and leave no trace of them.
126
00:06:07,534 --> 00:06:10,120
-Only one way to deal with it.
-He's right. [burps] I'm a scientist.
127
00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:11,580
Fair enough. Blow them to hell.
128
00:06:11,663 --> 00:06:14,124
What are people gonna do,
complain we made the canyon grander?
129
00:06:14,207 --> 00:06:16,751
Jerry, we're being bad parents. Do something!
130
00:06:16,835 --> 00:06:20,255
-Is this water for everyone?
-Yes, and I'd love a glass.
131
00:06:20,338 --> 00:06:21,381
Coming up!
132
00:06:22,716 --> 00:06:23,717
What are you doing?
133
00:06:23,800 --> 00:06:26,261
And, Rick, to make sure
you don't screw anything up,
134
00:06:26,344 --> 00:06:27,721
I'm sending my best men with you.
135
00:06:27,804 --> 00:06:29,639
-And women.
-It's a fine suggestion,
136
00:06:29,723 --> 00:06:32,893
but I doubt their leader will be a sexy
queen that needs to be kickboxed.
137
00:06:32,976 --> 00:06:35,061
One hundred percent male Marines!
138
00:06:36,438 --> 00:06:40,400
They say cutting a sperm's throat
is like running a warm knife through butter.
139
00:06:40,483 --> 00:06:42,903
I'm gonna make these things
pregnant with death!
140
00:06:42,986 --> 00:06:44,446
-No fear!
-No humility!
141
00:06:44,529 --> 00:06:46,573
[both] Zero chance of consequences!
142
00:06:47,282 --> 00:06:48,241
Hey, gentlemen's bet.
143
00:06:48,325 --> 00:06:50,869
Which of these background Marines
you think will last the longest?
144
00:06:50,952 --> 00:06:53,872
I'm not betting on human lives, Rick.
All of these people are gonna survive,
145
00:06:53,955 --> 00:06:55,749
but obviously that guy the longest.
146
00:06:55,832 --> 00:06:57,918
Yeah, he's my pick, too. What's his name?
147
00:06:58,001 --> 00:06:59,794
-Blazen?
-[airplane rumbling]
148
00:06:59,878 --> 00:07:02,464
-Pretty cool.
-Yeah. He's meditating through turbulence.
149
00:07:02,547 --> 00:07:05,258
I bet if something fell, he'd like,
catch it without opening his eyes.
150
00:07:05,342 --> 00:07:07,010
-Totally.
-Should we throw something at him?
151
00:07:07,093 --> 00:07:09,721
-I got a pencil somewhere.
-[both scream]
152
00:07:09,804 --> 00:07:11,389
[screaming]
153
00:07:11,473 --> 00:07:13,183
Who shooting at us?
154
00:07:13,934 --> 00:07:16,478
Oh, wow, that's unexpected.
155
00:07:16,561 --> 00:07:19,481
The sperm made a catapult?
Are they getting smarter?
156
00:07:19,564 --> 00:07:21,650
No, you're getting dumber
because that's a trebuchet.
157
00:07:21,733 --> 00:07:23,026
Nobody knows the difference!
158
00:07:23,109 --> 00:07:24,986
They're reloading that textbook trebuchet!
159
00:07:25,070 --> 00:07:29,074
-Time to fly!
-[Morty screams]
160
00:07:37,207 --> 00:07:38,333
We gotta keep moving.
161
00:07:38,416 --> 00:07:39,918
-So cool.
-Not even a scratch.
162
00:07:40,001 --> 00:07:41,878
Okay, girls, and I mean that derogatorily,
163
00:07:41,962 --> 00:07:45,924
we just took a fat "L,"
and what we need is a fat "P."
164
00:07:46,007 --> 00:07:47,050
A plan.
165
00:07:47,133 --> 00:07:49,803
I take the lead here. You two watch the flanks.
166
00:07:49,886 --> 00:07:52,138
Blazen, bring up the-- Hey!
167
00:07:52,222 --> 00:07:54,975
Please, one person draws the plan. Skeeters!
168
00:07:55,058 --> 00:07:56,768
-[Rick] Jipers!
-[Morty] Ropers!
169
00:07:56,851 --> 00:07:59,104
I'm sorry, but what the hell are we calling them?
170
00:07:59,187 --> 00:08:00,355
[grunts] Oof.
171
00:08:00,438 --> 00:08:02,941
Fine. I'm dying, so I get to pick the name.
172
00:08:03,024 --> 00:08:05,151
-Crispy Cremes with a "C"!
-[all scream]
173
00:08:05,860 --> 00:08:07,404
[grunts]
174
00:08:08,446 --> 00:08:11,199
[snarling]
175
00:08:11,282 --> 00:08:15,286
Whoa. Easy there, little guy. It's okay. It's okay.
176
00:08:17,122 --> 00:08:20,750
Do you recognize me?
Do you know you came from me?
177
00:08:20,834 --> 00:08:25,547
I'm Morty. I'll call you "Sticky,"
because you're sticky and you're stuck.
178
00:08:29,009 --> 00:08:30,677
-Oh. [chuckles]
-[purring]
179
00:08:30,760 --> 00:08:33,680
-Step aside, Morty.
-It's okay. You don't gotta do this.
180
00:08:33,763 --> 00:08:37,475
It's haploid genetic code, Morty,
a biological fertilizing machine.
181
00:08:37,559 --> 00:08:39,811
-What's gotten into you?
-Rick, let him go.
182
00:08:40,395 --> 00:08:41,312
[sighs]
183
00:08:42,564 --> 00:08:45,191
Morty, don't fuck with me.
What the hell's going on with you?
184
00:08:45,275 --> 00:08:48,445
I think I know exactly what's going on here.
185
00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:50,947
Kidding. This shit is totally random.
186
00:08:51,031 --> 00:08:52,949
-Let's keep moving.
-Which way?
187
00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:54,200
[inhales deeply]
188
00:08:54,284 --> 00:08:57,912
When one sense is bound,
the others are released.
189
00:08:57,996 --> 00:08:59,456
[sniffing]
190
00:08:59,539 --> 00:09:01,708
Holy shit. He can smell caves?
191
00:09:01,791 --> 00:09:05,670
I'm not trying to smell anything.
The whole planet's a dorm room trash can.
192
00:09:06,504 --> 00:09:09,424
-Sir, Rick Sanchez has gone dark.
-I knew we couldn't rely on him!
193
00:09:09,507 --> 00:09:12,719
Well, maybe the pilot got too horny
as they approached America's vagina.
194
00:09:12,802 --> 00:09:15,764
If you're gonna hang out in my war room,
you can't just make snarky comments.
195
00:09:15,847 --> 00:09:17,432
At least do something useful, like Jerry.
196
00:09:17,515 --> 00:09:20,226
Right to the top, just the way you like it.
197
00:09:20,310 --> 00:09:21,311
Here's our situation.
198
00:09:21,394 --> 00:09:24,647
Rick's gone, and so are all our nukes.
Now what?
199
00:09:25,148 --> 00:09:28,234
-None of you have an idea?
-I do! That's right, me, the girl.
200
00:09:28,318 --> 00:09:30,445
Gentlemen, what do sperm want?
201
00:09:30,528 --> 00:09:33,823
The same thing as a lumberjack in the morning
or a fox at night.
202
00:09:33,907 --> 00:09:35,867
-Pants! Pancakes!
-Eggs. Eggs!
203
00:09:35,950 --> 00:09:38,411
You want to control giant sperm,
you need a giant egg.
204
00:09:38,495 --> 00:09:39,788
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
205
00:09:39,871 --> 00:09:41,831
Sperm are hunters. And what do sperm hunt?
206
00:09:41,915 --> 00:09:42,916
-Eggs.
-Exactly.
207
00:09:42,999 --> 00:09:45,502
And what would happen if we enlarged one?
208
00:09:45,585 --> 00:09:47,712
They'll head right for it!
Get MIT on the phone.
209
00:09:47,796 --> 00:09:50,340
And get this guy a Nobel Prize.
210
00:09:50,423 --> 00:09:53,009
-[applause and laughter]
-You became a woman today.
211
00:09:53,635 --> 00:09:55,136
[devices whirring]
212
00:09:56,471 --> 00:10:00,850
-So, Blazen, you got kids?
-The battlefield is my family.
213
00:10:00,934 --> 00:10:02,018
-So cool.
-Badass.
214
00:10:02,102 --> 00:10:04,437
-[snarling]
-Go! I'll hold them off.
215
00:10:04,521 --> 00:10:07,941
-Blazen, you don't have to do this.
-[whispers] Shh. It is my destiny.
216
00:10:08,024 --> 00:10:09,943
He's right, Morty.
It's the price of being Blazen.
217
00:10:10,026 --> 00:10:11,653
-Let him do his thing.
-[snarling]
218
00:10:11,736 --> 00:10:12,570
[grunts]
219
00:10:13,613 --> 00:10:14,948
Blood for blood.
220
00:10:15,031 --> 00:10:17,617
Cream for cream. [grunts]
221
00:10:17,700 --> 00:10:20,370
Oh, no. I can't reach that.
222
00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:21,663
Idiot!
223
00:10:22,664 --> 00:10:25,416
What? They're comfortable!
You should try them.
224
00:10:25,500 --> 00:10:26,960
[groans]
225
00:10:27,043 --> 00:10:29,504
That'll do it. I'm worm food.
226
00:10:29,587 --> 00:10:33,675
Morty, find my wife.
Tell her I wasn't wearing her thong.
227
00:10:33,758 --> 00:10:37,178
That's a photocopy of Sports Illustrated
swimsuit model Kathy Ireland.
228
00:10:37,262 --> 00:10:39,389
It's my wife. We have sex.
229
00:10:39,472 --> 00:10:42,183
Here, hold that picture up
so we can have sex one last time.
230
00:10:42,267 --> 00:10:43,852
I know how to suck myself.
231
00:10:43,935 --> 00:10:45,895
-What?
-[roaring]
232
00:10:45,979 --> 00:10:49,023
Ugh, I was so wrong about this guy.
He didn't even buy us any time.
233
00:10:49,107 --> 00:10:50,400
[snarling]
234
00:10:50,483 --> 00:10:52,277
Morty, get ready for some fireworks.
235
00:10:52,360 --> 00:10:53,403
[device beeps]
236
00:10:56,489 --> 00:10:58,074
[yells]
237
00:10:58,158 --> 00:11:00,285
-Uh-oh.
-Oh, gross!
238
00:11:00,368 --> 00:11:03,163
This is the first time I've ever
regretted being taken alive.
239
00:11:03,246 --> 00:11:06,541
-Wait, who the fuck is that?
-Silence in the presence of me.
240
00:11:06,624 --> 00:11:08,877
I am the Sperm Queen,
241
00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:12,839
and you are of special interest to me.
242
00:11:12,922 --> 00:11:15,008
[Rick] Hey, what the fuck are you
doing with my stuff?
243
00:11:15,091 --> 00:11:16,843
And why do you have
the horse jerk-off machine
244
00:11:16,926 --> 00:11:20,263
-from my daughter's hospital?
-We need it to create our army.
245
00:11:20,346 --> 00:11:22,765
Well, you need more than that,
dummy. You need a horse.
246
00:11:22,849 --> 00:11:25,059
[Sperm Queen]
Oh, but our stallion is already here.
247
00:11:25,143 --> 00:11:26,436
Isn't that right, Morty?
248
00:11:27,270 --> 00:11:29,230
Or shall I say Father?
249
00:11:29,939 --> 00:11:32,859
Morty, you nasty, lying,
little world-ending pervert.
250
00:11:32,942 --> 00:11:35,195
I'm sorry. [crying]
251
00:11:35,278 --> 00:11:37,322
-What was it like?
-Fantastic!
252
00:11:39,407 --> 00:11:40,700
Rick, I'm sorry!
253
00:11:40,783 --> 00:11:42,744
I just thought maybe
I could have repeated sex
254
00:11:42,827 --> 00:11:44,996
with the horse machine
without it becoming Armageddon.
255
00:11:45,079 --> 00:11:46,331
I realize that's on me.
256
00:11:46,414 --> 00:11:49,959
Yeah, not exactly accepting apologies
while I'm stuck here as Hand job Solo.
257
00:11:50,043 --> 00:11:52,378
This is all your fault
for being ashamed of us, Morty.
258
00:11:52,462 --> 00:11:55,840
How many millions went
to their graves for you,
259
00:11:55,924 --> 00:11:58,009
hurling themselves into the void,
260
00:11:58,092 --> 00:12:00,386
only to discover a grody sock
261
00:12:00,470 --> 00:12:03,681
or a carefully folded
landing strip of toilet paper?
262
00:12:03,765 --> 00:12:04,849
How do you know all this?
263
00:12:04,933 --> 00:12:08,102
Oh, honey, because we're
the very essence of you.
264
00:12:08,186 --> 00:12:10,271
We are your shame incarnate.
265
00:12:10,355 --> 00:12:14,984
And once we're through with you,
our sperm army will take over the world!
266
00:12:15,068 --> 00:12:17,028
-Put him on the machine!
-[whirring]
267
00:12:17,111 --> 00:12:19,364
-Rick, do something!
-On it.
268
00:12:19,447 --> 00:12:21,699
[grunting]
269
00:12:22,450 --> 00:12:25,078
-What did you do?
-I got out of your eyeline.
270
00:12:25,161 --> 00:12:29,916
-Oh, no. Oh! Oh!
-Yes! The end is near!
271
00:12:29,999 --> 00:12:32,543
-Any last words?
-Ohh!
272
00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:34,504
Sticky!
273
00:12:34,587 --> 00:12:36,547
Gross. I know you're not a wordsmith,
Morty, but--
274
00:12:36,631 --> 00:12:38,841
No, no, no, my sperm friend is here!
275
00:12:38,925 --> 00:12:40,093
Ugh, never give them a name.
276
00:12:43,429 --> 00:12:48,017
Fools! You can't beat me!
You didn't bring a woman that can kickbox!
277
00:12:49,018 --> 00:12:49,978
[grunts]
278
00:12:52,188 --> 00:12:53,273
Is that all you got?
279
00:12:56,818 --> 00:12:58,987
Damn, that's some quintessential
underdog shit.
280
00:12:59,070 --> 00:13:02,282
-Kill them!
-[roaring]
281
00:13:04,867 --> 00:13:06,577
[groans]
282
00:13:07,245 --> 00:13:08,246
[gasps]
283
00:13:10,206 --> 00:13:11,624
Yeah! Whoo-hoo!
284
00:13:11,708 --> 00:13:14,669
-I should've told you the truth, Rick.
-Let's save the world first.
285
00:13:14,752 --> 00:13:17,839
Now, reset those nukes,
and let's turn this canyon into a can't-yon.
286
00:13:18,840 --> 00:13:20,133
-[device whirring]
-[rumbling]
287
00:13:20,216 --> 00:13:22,635
Are there usually earthquakes in Arizona?
288
00:13:22,719 --> 00:13:24,762
[roaring in distance]
289
00:13:26,764 --> 00:13:28,224
They're heading for Vegas,
290
00:13:28,308 --> 00:13:32,061
which does track on many levels, but why now?
291
00:13:32,145 --> 00:13:33,104
What the--?
292
00:13:33,187 --> 00:13:35,398
[President] Let's hear it
for Professor Shabooboo
293
00:13:35,481 --> 00:13:37,650
-and his brilliant egg.
-Um, hello?
294
00:13:37,734 --> 00:13:39,694
-Aren't you forgetting someone?
-Oh, good point.
295
00:13:39,777 --> 00:13:42,447
Big thanks to the cast
of Cirque du Soleil's Zumanity
296
00:13:42,530 --> 00:13:44,657
for the impressive and erotic routine.
297
00:13:44,741 --> 00:13:46,617
Mr. President, Rick Sanchez is on the line.
298
00:13:46,701 --> 00:13:48,536
Good. Put that asshole on speaker.
299
00:13:48,619 --> 00:13:49,912
Well, well, well.
300
00:13:49,996 --> 00:13:53,291
No thanks to you, we're luring the sperm
with a giant human egg.
301
00:13:53,374 --> 00:13:55,668
Even though, symbolically speaking,
Vegas should be enough.
302
00:13:55,752 --> 00:13:57,754
[Rick] A human egg? Where did you get it?
303
00:13:57,837 --> 00:14:00,381
Glad you asked. It's your granddaughter's,
304
00:14:00,465 --> 00:14:02,258
so at least you contributed
something to this.
305
00:14:02,342 --> 00:14:05,219
[Morty] Mr. President! It's Morty!
It's my sperm! It's all mine!
306
00:14:05,303 --> 00:14:07,221
-What?
-I'm a dirty little perverted maniac.
307
00:14:07,305 --> 00:14:09,724
I spent a week pleasuring myself
with animal equipment,
308
00:14:09,807 --> 00:14:11,934
and my sperm got turned
into monsters on accident
309
00:14:12,018 --> 00:14:14,437
because I kept lying about it
because I was ashamed!
310
00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:17,106
[President] You should be!
My God, man, we were all 14 once
311
00:14:17,190 --> 00:14:18,691
but it's called self-control.
312
00:14:18,775 --> 00:14:21,277
Don't let them reach my sister's egg,
Mr. President!
313
00:14:21,361 --> 00:14:22,653
You'll be making a giant--
314
00:14:25,239 --> 00:14:26,324
Incest baby.
315
00:14:26,407 --> 00:14:29,452
-What? Who told you that?
-What? I was finishing his sentence.
316
00:14:29,535 --> 00:14:31,371
Oh. Right. Come with us.
317
00:14:31,454 --> 00:14:32,705
The sperm is Morty's!
318
00:14:32,789 --> 00:14:35,333
-We're about to make a giant incest baby!
-[all gasp]
319
00:14:35,416 --> 00:14:38,461
Aw, well,
now we're all in our darkest hour.
320
00:14:38,544 --> 00:14:39,754
Launch the egg! Launch it now!
321
00:14:39,837 --> 00:14:42,006
-But that'll take 30 minutes.
-What? Why?
322
00:14:42,090 --> 00:14:44,258
That's how long every space launch takes!
323
00:14:44,342 --> 00:14:47,678
No one realizes because
they only show you the last 10 seconds!
324
00:14:48,596 --> 00:14:49,972
Uh, uh, help me out here.
325
00:14:50,056 --> 00:14:52,350
Hey, it was your idea, right?
326
00:14:52,433 --> 00:14:55,019
Okay, okay, no need to panic, everyone.
327
00:14:55,103 --> 00:14:57,021
I have a simple solution.
328
00:14:57,105 --> 00:14:59,565
-See you all in hell!
-[screaming]
329
00:14:59,649 --> 00:15:01,442
-[splat]
-I don't see how that's going to help.
330
00:15:01,526 --> 00:15:04,028
Form a perimeter!
Protect that egg at all costs!
331
00:15:04,612 --> 00:15:06,697
I always knew your hormones
would cause a world war
332
00:15:06,781 --> 00:15:08,950
between humans
and Cannibalistic Horse People.
333
00:15:09,033 --> 00:15:10,701
I just didn't know it would be like this.
334
00:15:10,785 --> 00:15:12,078
I can't change my nature.
335
00:15:12,161 --> 00:15:14,122
What are you, a scorpion in a Navajo fable?
336
00:15:14,205 --> 00:15:15,957
Everyone can change their nature, Morty.
337
00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:18,376
It's what defines our species. Look at Iron Man.
338
00:15:18,459 --> 00:15:21,963
That actor was an animal in the '90s,
literally waking up in bushes.
339
00:15:22,046 --> 00:15:23,965
His agent had to catch him with a butterfly net.
340
00:15:24,048 --> 00:15:27,385
Silence! Rick Sanchez,
you know why you're here.
341
00:15:27,468 --> 00:15:30,263
-Yeah, it was my grandson's fault.
-You slept with my daughter!
342
00:15:30,346 --> 00:15:32,056
I did? Oh, shit, I did.
343
00:15:32,140 --> 00:15:35,518
[burps] Forgive me, Your CHUDness.
I'm a changed man, starting now.
344
00:15:35,601 --> 00:15:38,479
You come to the Kingdom of CHUDs
for forgiveness?
345
00:15:38,563 --> 00:15:42,608
CHUDs don't forgive humans.
CHUDs eat humans!
346
00:15:42,692 --> 00:15:45,319
-This is out there, even for us.
-They can hear you, Morty.
347
00:15:45,403 --> 00:15:47,280
[all] Boil him up! Yum, yum!
348
00:15:47,363 --> 00:15:49,365
Spice him right! Oh, boy!
349
00:15:49,449 --> 00:15:51,451
Eat the flesh! Yum, yum!
350
00:15:51,534 --> 00:15:53,494
Not the bones! Oh, no!
351
00:15:53,578 --> 00:15:55,204
Belly ache! Ouch, Ouch!
352
00:15:55,788 --> 00:15:57,790
Father! [whinnies] Stop this at once!
353
00:15:57,874 --> 00:16:00,877
-Princess Poñeta!
-You can't kill Rícko!
354
00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:03,629
-I-- I love him!
-[crowd gasps]
355
00:16:03,713 --> 00:16:06,299
Right! I love you, too, Princess Poñeta.
356
00:16:06,382 --> 00:16:09,510
This love is forbidden.
My daughter, you are a CHUD.
357
00:16:09,594 --> 00:16:12,263
Rick is a human and age-inappropriate.
358
00:16:12,346 --> 00:16:14,182
Then you leave me no choice.
359
00:16:14,265 --> 00:16:16,934
By the 17th Article of the CHUD-stitution,
360
00:16:17,018 --> 00:16:19,937
I offer Rícko Sanchez horsemunity
361
00:16:20,021 --> 00:16:24,442
and demand a equestri-truce
between all CHUDs and humans!
362
00:16:24,525 --> 00:16:26,986
-[gasping]
-On what grounds?
363
00:16:27,069 --> 00:16:30,490
On the grounds that Rícko
is the father of my child.
364
00:16:30,573 --> 00:16:31,657
I have an heir.
365
00:16:31,741 --> 00:16:33,534
I have a substance-abuse problem.
366
00:16:33,618 --> 00:16:35,745
The Prophecy has come true!
367
00:16:35,828 --> 00:16:37,872
Also, did someone drop a scroll?
368
00:16:37,955 --> 00:16:39,790
Here we go. Over here. Sorry.
369
00:16:43,878 --> 00:16:46,130
-Where did you get all that?
-It's Vegas.
370
00:16:46,214 --> 00:16:47,381
The Strip has been evacuated.
371
00:16:47,465 --> 00:16:49,425
I'm worried
we won't be able to hold the perimeter.
372
00:16:49,509 --> 00:16:52,470
Then deputize Las Vegas regulars.
Everyone's a patriot today.
373
00:16:52,553 --> 00:16:53,554
Even me!
374
00:16:53,638 --> 00:16:55,264
Take three steps back, Amazing Johnathan.
375
00:16:55,348 --> 00:16:58,684
-Men and their guns. Metaphorical and not.
-Tell me about it.
376
00:16:58,768 --> 00:16:59,644
[roaring]
377
00:16:59,727 --> 00:17:01,979
Get ready, boys! The last thing this world needs
378
00:17:02,063 --> 00:17:03,356
is a giant incest baby.
379
00:17:03,940 --> 00:17:05,942
-Oorah! Here they come!
-Nice!
380
00:17:06,025 --> 00:17:08,861
Do not let a single sperm
get through to that egg!
381
00:17:12,698 --> 00:17:15,493
Um, should we be concerned
about that scary bomb-laden one?
382
00:17:15,576 --> 00:17:16,869
Honey, let the men handle this.
383
00:17:16,953 --> 00:17:18,663
I think we know a thing or two about--
384
00:17:21,916 --> 00:17:25,211
Ugh! Ready for all the responsibility
with none of the credit?
385
00:17:25,294 --> 00:17:27,255
Let's Nancy Reagan this bitch.
386
00:17:27,838 --> 00:17:28,756
Ah!
387
00:17:32,885 --> 00:17:33,719
[grunts]
388
00:17:40,893 --> 00:17:43,521
Damn it! We can't stop them.
We don't have the manpower.
389
00:17:43,604 --> 00:17:44,855
[Rick] What about horsepower?
390
00:17:44,939 --> 00:17:46,732
[horse whinnying]
391
00:17:46,816 --> 00:17:48,067
Sweet Lady Liberty.
392
00:17:48,150 --> 00:17:51,487
That sonofamare Rick has ended
our centuries-long war with the CHUDs.
393
00:17:51,571 --> 00:17:54,407
-[man] We made peace with the CHUDs!
-[man 2] The CHUDs are our buds!
394
00:17:56,492 --> 00:17:59,495
-Rícko! The hoof less, they need us!
-Let's do this.
395
00:17:59,579 --> 00:18:03,958
-CHUDily dudily, ho, ho, ho!
-[CHUDs] CHUDily dudily, ho, ho, ho!
396
00:18:11,966 --> 00:18:14,802
Mom, I promise to use condoms,
even when it's butt stuff.
397
00:18:14,885 --> 00:18:17,513
Okay, we have a lot to talk about tonight.
398
00:18:17,597 --> 00:18:18,514
[horse whinnying]
399
00:18:36,866 --> 00:18:39,577
Is this your heart?
It's a play on, "Is this your card?"
400
00:18:39,660 --> 00:18:42,538
You don't have a heart, but this is
probably some kind of organelle,
401
00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:45,875
in charge of pumping endoplasmic reticulum
throughout your membrane and therefore,
402
00:18:45,958 --> 00:18:47,835
relative to you, functions as a heart.
403
00:18:47,918 --> 00:18:51,589
So, I ask you again, is this your heart?
404
00:18:51,672 --> 00:18:53,007
[gasps] Morty, look!
405
00:18:53,090 --> 00:18:57,261
I won't just be thrown away, Rick!
The egg is mine!
406
00:18:57,345 --> 00:18:59,388
Sticky! It's all you, bud!
407
00:19:02,516 --> 00:19:04,894
[screaming] No!
408
00:19:04,977 --> 00:19:06,187
-[crowd cheering]
-Sticky!
409
00:19:08,064 --> 00:19:09,774
-[all gasp]
-Fuck!
410
00:19:09,857 --> 00:19:11,817
-We got a heartbeat.
-Screw that!
411
00:19:11,901 --> 00:19:14,612
That's a human life,
and this is an election cycle.
412
00:19:14,695 --> 00:19:16,405
-You have to do something!
-Nope.
413
00:19:16,489 --> 00:19:19,617
-[beeping]
-[rumbling]
414
00:19:19,700 --> 00:19:21,786
It's space's problem now.
415
00:19:21,869 --> 00:19:23,788
Oh, this sucks.
416
00:19:23,871 --> 00:19:25,873
You're Sports Illustrated's Kathy Ireland.
417
00:19:25,956 --> 00:19:28,250
You were with my husband,
Blazen, when he died.
418
00:19:28,334 --> 00:19:31,337
Please tell me. Was he wearing my thong?
419
00:19:32,004 --> 00:19:34,715
He probably told you not to tell me.
420
00:19:34,799 --> 00:19:37,760
He was ashamed of it, but he didn't need to be.
421
00:19:37,843 --> 00:19:40,012
I hope he was wearing it.
422
00:19:40,096 --> 00:19:41,430
Always be honest.
423
00:19:41,514 --> 00:19:43,099
Sometimes it will hurt people.
424
00:19:43,182 --> 00:19:46,435
Sometimes it will help. But always be honest.
425
00:19:46,519 --> 00:19:49,271
Huh. Yeah, yeah, he was wearing it.
426
00:19:49,355 --> 00:19:51,399
Ew! That gross animal pig!
427
00:19:52,233 --> 00:19:53,901
So, trying to boil this all down,
428
00:19:53,984 --> 00:19:56,654
-I want to say it's import--
-Shut up, Morty, I got my own epilogue.
429
00:19:56,737 --> 00:19:59,281
Oh, Rícko, I love you.
430
00:19:59,365 --> 00:20:00,700
[burps] Prove it.
431
00:20:02,493 --> 00:20:04,745
Oh, I love kissing those big old horse teeth.
432
00:20:04,829 --> 00:20:06,330
It's like licking tile.
433
00:20:06,414 --> 00:20:08,290
-Oh!
-I swear.
434
00:20:08,374 --> 00:20:10,251
It's time someone made an honest man
out of me.
435
00:20:10,334 --> 00:20:12,503
Whatever you need, the whole nine yards,
you got it.
436
00:20:12,586 --> 00:20:15,673
[whinnies] The thing is, Rícko. It's time.
437
00:20:15,756 --> 00:20:17,591
Oh, shit, oh, shit. It's time!
438
00:20:17,675 --> 00:20:19,135
Oh, my God, it's wonderful.
439
00:20:21,220 --> 00:20:23,931
[whinnies]
440
00:20:24,014 --> 00:20:27,184
Oh, wow. So we don't have to,
you know, raise it?
441
00:20:27,268 --> 00:20:29,186
Nah. They're ready to go
right out of the box.
442
00:20:29,270 --> 00:20:32,064
Cool, cool. So, bye?
443
00:20:32,148 --> 00:20:33,482
Yep. Take care of yourself, Rick.
444
00:20:33,566 --> 00:20:35,693
-Yep. Same.
-[whinnies]
445
00:20:39,280 --> 00:20:40,448
[male voice] That was easy.
446
00:20:40,823 --> 00:20:42,032
[theme music playing]
447
00:21:12,229 --> 00:21:14,523
Houston, permission to open
the starboard panel.
448
00:21:14,607 --> 00:21:15,816
[man] Permission granted.
449
00:21:15,900 --> 00:21:17,443
Firing breach now.
450
00:21:19,069 --> 00:21:21,405
Explorer, our readouts show a pressure spike.
451
00:21:21,489 --> 00:21:22,573
Everything all right?
452
00:21:22,656 --> 00:21:25,284
Honestly, sometimes staring back at Earth
453
00:21:25,367 --> 00:21:28,204
makes me think about the people I left behind.
454
00:21:28,287 --> 00:21:31,123
My wife, the son she had to anchor me there.
455
00:21:31,207 --> 00:21:33,292
I tried to be a parent, I really did,
456
00:21:33,375 --> 00:21:36,712
but I've come to find I'm only
suited to be a spaceman.
457
00:21:36,796 --> 00:21:40,090
The nicest part of being up here
is there are no reminders of the guilt
458
00:21:40,174 --> 00:21:42,885
I sometimes feel about
abandoning my family.
459
00:21:42,968 --> 00:21:44,553
[indistinct babbling]
460
00:21:44,637 --> 00:21:46,597
Sorry, Houston, I thought I heard something.
461
00:21:46,680 --> 00:21:48,057
Negative on our end.
462
00:21:48,140 --> 00:21:51,435
No, wait, there's something big
and it's coming right at you!
463
00:21:51,519 --> 00:21:54,522
Dear God. No! You can't be real!
464
00:21:54,605 --> 00:21:57,441
Explorer, what is it? What the hell do you see?
465
00:21:57,525 --> 00:21:59,151
My conscience.
466
00:21:59,235 --> 00:22:02,613
-Explorer! Explorer! Are you there?
-[screams]
467
00:22:02,696 --> 00:22:06,742
-Geez. Not gonna miss that guy.
-[man 2] Right? So dramatic.
35824
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