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Slimy Stuarts, vile Victorians
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00:00:04,440 --> 00:00:07,000
Dingy castles, daring knights
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00:00:07,000 --> 00:00:09,720
Cut-throat Celts, awful Egyptians
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Punishment from ancient times
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Cavemen, savage, fierce and toothless
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Mean and measly Middle Ages
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Horrible Histories presents...
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Now, if you watch one song contest
this year,
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make sure
it's the Eurovision Song Contest.
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But if you watch two song contests,
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then you need to watch
the Rat-O-Vision song contest.
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You do!
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CLEARS THROAT
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So please welcome your host,
Rattus Rattus!
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Welcome to the first-ever
Rat-O-Vision Song Contest.
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It's a feast for the eyes and ears
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and an absolute disaster
for the nose.
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LAUGHTER
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Yes. In this competition,
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historical celebrities from around
the world sing their hearts out
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in a bid to win our coveted
Rat-O-Vision trophy.
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And to kick us off
with an absolute banger
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it's America's entry,
sung by Thomas Edison.
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Tom's written a song about
the things he's invented,
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but he had to cut the song
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down after the dress rehearsal
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because it listed
all of his 1,000 plus
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registered inventions.
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The song was over four hours long.
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Just the highlights, please, Tom.
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Smells Like Teen Spirit by Nirvana
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at all the things
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The phone that rings
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The light bulb guy
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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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Wow. Who knew
Edison could sing like that?
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He sure has got some pipes -
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presumably from
one of his inventions.
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Well, he's going to be a tough act
to follow for Germany's entry
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by 12th century genius, pioneer
and nun Hildegarde von Bingen.
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This is one of the favourites
for the trophy.
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Trust me, you'll all be doing
the dance tomorrow,
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although I can't see
the wimple catching on.
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Blinding Lights by The Weeknd
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That is me
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COUGHING
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the w-w-world
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that I found
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FARTING
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What dog?
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Ja, I slay.
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And the natural world astounds me
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Wrote nine volumes.
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Und I say
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Letters every day
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Emperors to say
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I can show you a better way"
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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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Thank you, Germany.
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Absolutely heavenly.
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Next up, it's Poland's
representative, LL Zamenhof.
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Now, there's some controversy here
because everyone's allowed to sing
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in their native tongue
or in English.
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But what Zamenhof has done
is invent a whole new language.
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It might not be in the rules,
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but he did invent it to try and help
achieve world peace.
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So let's not fight about it.
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The language and the song
is called Esperanto.
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Despacito by Luis Fonsi
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to prevent war
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is the solution
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in Poland
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the conversation flowing
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keep on growing
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to unite the people
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that will make us equal
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in a way that's peaceful
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everyone can understand
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you might recognise
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00:08:15,680 --> 00:08:18,520
and sticking an O on the end
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Everyone here can do it
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that I created in Poland
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the conversation flowing
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keep on growing
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the people
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that will make us equal
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Any questions?
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Excellent.
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Oh, I'm fluent already.
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Next up, we've got
a pair of true artists from Italy.
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The total genius Leonardo da Vinci
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and the equally brilliant
Michelangelo.
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And it features a special
guest appearance from Raphael,
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who's no slouch either.
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The three of them are wonderful
creators who, together,
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transformed the art world
during the Renaissance.
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And, of course, they've
had Ninja Turtles named after them.
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Sweet.
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Total Eclipse
of the Heart by Bonnie Tyler
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00:09:35,640 --> 00:09:38,520
the art in the Dark Ages
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just as they stand
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from Rome and Greece
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we'd not had before
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An explosion of creation
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a brand-new start
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00:10:10,000 --> 00:10:12,440
we revolutionise art
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that Florence is the place
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00:10:22,600 --> 00:10:26,800
so lifelike that they looked real
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00:10:29,960 --> 00:10:33,840
to bling the Vatican
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00:10:36,920 --> 00:10:41,240
he's careful to cover all the bums
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to make art
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to make the right body
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and oil paint brings it to life
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your paintings moved me to tears
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00:11:44,000 --> 00:11:45,400
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
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00:12:08,760 --> 00:12:10,480
Held the last note
a bit longer than you.
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00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:12,120
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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00:12:12,120 --> 00:12:13,600
Amazing.
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00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:15,120
Those guys are responsible for
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00:12:15,120 --> 00:12:17,840
some of humankind's
greatest creations.
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But this is the only work of art
that we're interested in right now.
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Ah, stunning.
I can smell it from here.
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00:12:25,120 --> 00:12:28,000
But if they want to win it,
they'll have to get past Greece.
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00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:30,600
Here's Ptolemy,
the ancient Greek astronomer,
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with his song all about the stars
he named after Greek legends.
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Well, he may have his head
in the clouds,
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00:12:37,240 --> 00:12:40,200
but he's got some great moves
for an ancient fella.
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00:12:40,200 --> 00:12:45,520
This is Greece and Ptolemy
with A Sky Full Of Myths.
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00:12:45,520 --> 00:12:49,080
A Sky Full Of Stars by Coldplay
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00:13:04,320 --> 00:13:09,320
and screw your eyes up a bit
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00:13:48,880 --> 00:13:52,520
Just think of constellations
like big dot-to-dots, man.
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That one's Hercules
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or Heracles if you're saying it
properly.
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00:13:56,200 --> 00:13:58,360
There's Cancer - the crab that bit
Heracles' foot.
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Leo the lion that Heracles killed.
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Triangulum, the...
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..triangle.
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Well, they can't all be
great stories.
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up there too-oo-oo-oo
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I wrote down 48 constellations
in my 150 AD book, The Almagest.
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So, What does it mean?
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Oh, "The Greatest!"
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Is that referring to me
or the stars?
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You decide.
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I think you know the answer.
HE CLICKS HIS TONGUE
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have blown through
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00:15:19,960 --> 00:15:22,280
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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Well, that is, hands down,
the best song I've ever heard...
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..about an ancient Greek bloke
naming stars after Greek myths.
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LAUGHTER
But here we go -
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it's the English entry,
and it's a family affair,
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with Henry VIII
and his whole Tudor royal family.
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They've written a song about
one of the big issues of their day,
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choosing which form of Christianity
the country should follow -
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Protestantism or Catholicism.
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It makes some really good points,
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which is funny because I doubt
it's going to get any points,
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especially from the Pope.
CHEERING
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00:15:55,280 --> 00:15:57,520
This track is an absolute banger.
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00:15:57,520 --> 00:15:59,160
No Scrubs by TLC
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00:15:59,160 --> 00:16:01,640
God thinks is fine
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00:16:01,640 --> 00:16:04,400
a real good friend of mine
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00:16:04,400 --> 00:16:06,880
he calls me
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00:16:09,720 --> 00:16:12,400
I got bored of Catherine
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00:16:12,400 --> 00:16:14,840
I wanted to marry Anne
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00:16:14,840 --> 00:16:17,400
The Pope said cos I'm Catholic
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00:16:22,640 --> 00:16:25,720
that can't get no love from me
168
00:16:33,040 --> 00:16:35,960
Ah, I can die happy and pass
the church onto my Protestant son.
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00:16:35,960 --> 00:16:37,520
Give em hell, Edward!
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HE COUGHS AND WHEEZES
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Ugh...
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Awkward! Mary time.
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Brother Eddie perished
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Now the country's mine
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00:16:52,840 --> 00:16:55,160
Cos I was brought up Catholic
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who reps my God for me
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that's totally fine
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00:17:09,600 --> 00:17:12,240
Ah, Lizzie in the house!
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00:17:12,240 --> 00:17:13,520
Yeah!
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raised with Catholics
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00:17:37,160 --> 00:17:40,520
should all be about me
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00:17:48,280 --> 00:17:50,680
Oh...
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Get out!
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00:18:01,600 --> 00:18:03,560
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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00:18:03,560 --> 00:18:05,960
Honestly, I can't see
any other country
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00:18:05,960 --> 00:18:08,760
having something
to match Queen Elizabeth I.
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On to our next entry now.
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It's Spain, and Queen Elizabeth I.
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What?! She's representing Spain
as well?!
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I don't care if it is a duet
with King Philip II of Spain.
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Surely that's against the rules.
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Ah, well.
Here's Liz and Phil with a song
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all about
their countries' great rivalry.
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Good luck, everyone.
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00:18:30,680 --> 00:18:31,960
Let's just say
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these two don't get along.
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00:18:34,040 --> 00:18:35,840
Oh...
CHEERING
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00:18:35,840 --> 00:18:38,880
ROCK MUSIC PLAYS
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00:18:46,640 --> 00:18:49,480
I'm the King of Spain
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00:18:49,480 --> 00:18:52,400
and over England I reign
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00:18:55,200 --> 00:18:58,000
now that she has gone
202
00:18:58,000 --> 00:19:00,880
You're the perfect fit
203
00:19:00,880 --> 00:19:03,560
the "not being a Catholic" bit
204
00:19:03,560 --> 00:19:06,680
our countries can be friends
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00:19:15,120 --> 00:19:16,960
I'm looking for
206
00:19:18,440 --> 00:19:21,000
is change your religion
207
00:19:21,000 --> 00:19:24,160
I'll take my chances
208
00:19:24,160 --> 00:19:26,960
in having romances
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00:19:26,960 --> 00:19:29,680
for the both of us
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00:19:29,680 --> 00:19:32,400
I can cause a fuss
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00:19:32,400 --> 00:19:35,600
Spanish Empire I can deploy, yeah
212
00:19:40,320 --> 00:19:42,400
SHE HOLDS A HIGH NOTE
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00:19:42,400 --> 00:19:44,440
Yeah!
SHE BLOWS A RASPBERRY
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00:19:47,160 --> 00:19:50,120
A war at sea
215
00:19:50,120 --> 00:19:53,040
to steal your treasure
216
00:19:53,040 --> 00:19:55,880
for good measure
217
00:19:55,880 --> 00:19:58,840
loads of Catholic plots
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00:19:58,840 --> 00:20:01,240
with Mary, Queen of the Scots
219
00:20:01,240 --> 00:20:04,320
That don't scare me much
220
00:20:04,320 --> 00:20:07,560
in a war with the Dutch
221
00:20:07,560 --> 00:20:10,240
with my Spanish Armada
222
00:20:16,240 --> 00:20:18,760
Ha-ha-ha! Yeah!
223
00:20:18,760 --> 00:20:21,760
turned out not to be a threat
224
00:20:21,760 --> 00:20:24,560
in quite a bit of debt
225
00:20:24,560 --> 00:20:27,480
and send our own fleet
226
00:20:27,480 --> 00:20:30,400
and have to retreat
227
00:20:30,400 --> 00:20:33,240
ever gonna end?
228
00:20:33,240 --> 00:20:36,240
if we could have been friends
229
00:20:36,240 --> 00:20:39,000
before hostilities cease
230
00:20:46,240 --> 00:20:48,080
Yeah!
231
00:20:50,640 --> 00:20:53,720
A war at sea
232
00:21:02,080 --> 00:21:05,040
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
233
00:21:05,040 --> 00:21:08,600
I'm hearing that Phil has offered
to put their rivalry behind them
234
00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:11,360
and asked Liz to marry him.
Aww!
235
00:21:11,360 --> 00:21:12,760
Beautiful!
236
00:21:12,760 --> 00:21:14,400
And Liz has said...
237
00:21:15,680 --> 00:21:17,680
Ahh! Yikes!
238
00:21:17,680 --> 00:21:20,080
I'm not reading that out!
Ooh...
239
00:21:20,080 --> 00:21:23,840
Let's just say she said no
and move on.
240
00:21:23,840 --> 00:21:25,680
It's France's entry next,
241
00:21:25,680 --> 00:21:28,360
and it's another song
by royal appointment.
242
00:21:28,360 --> 00:21:30,600
It's Queen Eleanor of Aquitaine,
243
00:21:30,600 --> 00:21:34,800
the only woman ever to have been
queen of both France and England.
244
00:21:34,800 --> 00:21:38,880
She was a great queen,
but she was an even greater mum.
245
00:21:38,880 --> 00:21:41,040
And she's got some moves, too.
246
00:21:41,040 --> 00:21:43,640
If this is half as good
as it was in rehearsal,
247
00:21:43,640 --> 00:21:46,280
you are in for a treat.
248
00:21:46,280 --> 00:21:48,360
I'm Henry, the Young King.
249
00:21:48,360 --> 00:21:50,960
King Richard! King John, yeah!
And this is our mum.
250
00:21:50,960 --> 00:21:52,280
Crazy In Love
by Beyonce
251
00:21:53,440 --> 00:21:56,440
Queen Eleanor of Aquitaine
252
00:21:56,440 --> 00:22:01,200
Oh-oh-oh-oh
253
00:22:01,200 --> 00:22:03,360
I was the Queen of France,
254
00:22:03,360 --> 00:22:05,840
was a bad romance
255
00:22:05,840 --> 00:22:08,440
all the way across to England
256
00:22:08,440 --> 00:22:10,800
over there my hand
257
00:22:10,800 --> 00:22:13,400
a really great mum
258
00:22:15,760 --> 00:22:18,000
was an odd thing
259
00:22:18,000 --> 00:22:20,600
with his dad, the king
260
00:22:20,600 --> 00:22:23,040
between my husband and my son
261
00:22:25,320 --> 00:22:27,840
and help my boy, Henry, to reign
262
00:22:27,840 --> 00:22:30,400
A shame
263
00:22:32,240 --> 00:22:35,080
Queen Eleanor of Aquitaine
264
00:22:37,080 --> 00:22:40,040
Queen Eleanor of Aquitaine
265
00:22:40,040 --> 00:22:44,560
Oh-oh-oh-oh
266
00:22:44,560 --> 00:22:47,040
PFFFRT!
267
00:22:47,040 --> 00:22:49,600
set me free
268
00:22:49,600 --> 00:22:52,080
about finding a young wife
269
00:22:52,080 --> 00:22:54,520
for his own life
270
00:22:54,520 --> 00:22:56,920
on a crusade
271
00:22:56,920 --> 00:22:59,280
What an accolade
272
00:22:59,280 --> 00:23:01,840
in another land
273
00:23:01,840 --> 00:23:04,320
got out of hand
274
00:23:06,600 --> 00:23:08,920
or two or three
275
00:23:08,920 --> 00:23:11,280
King Rich, was dead
276
00:23:11,280 --> 00:23:13,960
his land instead
277
00:23:15,840 --> 00:23:18,640
Queen Eleanor of Aquitaine
278
00:23:20,720 --> 00:23:23,640
Queen Eleanor of Aquitaine
279
00:23:23,640 --> 00:23:27,800
Oh-oh-oh-oh
280
00:23:27,800 --> 00:23:30,480
saying Richard had died
281
00:23:30,480 --> 00:23:32,920
to be by his side
282
00:23:32,920 --> 00:23:35,120
I paid for his release
283
00:23:35,120 --> 00:23:37,800
said this fighting must cease
284
00:23:37,800 --> 00:23:40,120
to always be friends
285
00:23:40,120 --> 00:23:42,720
to his peaceful end
286
00:23:42,720 --> 00:23:44,680
my youngest, King John
287
00:23:44,680 --> 00:23:47,920
than being a mum
288
00:23:50,800 --> 00:23:52,360
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
289
00:23:52,360 --> 00:23:53,680
Yaaas, Queen!
290
00:23:53,680 --> 00:23:55,400
I think we may have just seen
the winner,
291
00:23:55,400 --> 00:23:58,360
but you never know,
because we're about to go old school
292
00:23:58,360 --> 00:24:00,160
with the Ancient Egyptian entry.
293
00:24:00,160 --> 00:24:02,760
Before there were kings and queens
in Europe,
294
00:24:02,760 --> 00:24:05,000
there were pharaohs
in Ancient Egypt.
295
00:24:05,000 --> 00:24:07,760
And we have three of them
here tonight -
296
00:24:07,760 --> 00:24:12,080
Ramesses II, Hatshepsut
and Tutankhamun -
297
00:24:12,080 --> 00:24:14,600
singing Ancient Egypt's entry.
298
00:24:14,600 --> 00:24:18,520
It's a fun little number about
what pharaohs do when they're dead.
299
00:24:18,520 --> 00:24:21,240
Honestly, couldn't they have chosen
a cheerier subject?
300
00:24:21,240 --> 00:24:25,000
But everyone will be humming
this tune at the afterparty.
301
00:24:25,000 --> 00:24:27,520
Not to mention the afterlife.
302
00:24:30,000 --> 00:24:33,680
Gangster's Paradise
by Coolio
303
00:24:40,840 --> 00:24:43,600
to the Valley of Death
304
00:24:43,600 --> 00:24:46,800
after our last breath
305
00:24:46,800 --> 00:24:49,560
Got a Neme on my head
306
00:24:49,560 --> 00:24:52,760
from the Book of the Dead
307
00:24:52,760 --> 00:24:55,600
to the sun god, Ra
308
00:24:55,600 --> 00:24:58,760
There's many things we must say
309
00:24:58,760 --> 00:25:01,840
never been an eavesdropper"
310
00:25:01,840 --> 00:25:05,080
Lived my life so proper"
311
00:25:05,080 --> 00:25:07,640
Written for each soul
312
00:25:07,640 --> 00:25:10,720
we only got one goal
313
00:25:10,720 --> 00:25:13,520
once we cease to be
314
00:25:13,520 --> 00:25:16,600
for all eternity
315
00:25:17,640 --> 00:25:23,440
to get into Pharaoh's Paradise
316
00:25:23,440 --> 00:25:29,160
to living in a Pharaoh's Paradise
317
00:25:34,560 --> 00:25:37,680
Inside our mummy wrappings
318
00:25:37,680 --> 00:25:40,840
and other Pharaoh trappings
319
00:25:40,840 --> 00:25:43,760
you know it ain't easy
320
00:25:43,760 --> 00:25:45,640
against the feather
321
00:25:46,880 --> 00:25:49,680
cross the Lily Lake
322
00:25:49,680 --> 00:25:52,760
the Ferryman will take us
323
00:25:52,760 --> 00:25:55,600
and old beloved pets
324
00:25:55,600 --> 00:25:58,720
we'll have eternal rest, yeah
325
00:25:58,720 --> 00:26:01,760
but a new form of living
326
00:26:01,760 --> 00:26:04,960
the Dead and the advice it's giving
327
00:26:04,960 --> 00:26:07,960
But will I ever see 20, though?
328
00:26:07,960 --> 00:26:11,520
Don't be slow, mm
329
00:26:11,520 --> 00:26:17,440
to get into Pharaoh's Paradise
330
00:26:17,440 --> 00:26:23,480
to living in a Pharaoh's Paradise
331
00:26:28,680 --> 00:26:29,720
ROARING
332
00:26:34,880 --> 00:26:36,520
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
333
00:26:36,520 --> 00:26:39,440
Well, the votes have been counted
and verified,
334
00:26:39,440 --> 00:26:41,720
and I'm ready to announce
the winner.
335
00:26:41,720 --> 00:26:42,840
Not that it matters,
336
00:26:42,840 --> 00:26:45,840
because music and history
are the real winners here
337
00:26:45,840 --> 00:26:49,360
and none of our entries
really mind about the results.
338
00:26:49,360 --> 00:26:51,720
BLADES SWISH, HE GASPS
339
00:26:51,720 --> 00:26:53,280
Er...
HE GULPS
340
00:26:53,280 --> 00:26:56,960
And the winner of the first -
and most probably last - ever
341
00:26:56,960 --> 00:27:00,840
Rat-O-Vision Song Contest is...
342
00:27:00,840 --> 00:27:03,360
DRUM ROLL
Er...
343
00:27:03,360 --> 00:27:04,720
..everyone! What?!
BOOING
344
00:27:04,720 --> 00:27:07,800
Yeah, you all won
so everyone can relax, and...
345
00:27:07,800 --> 00:27:11,000
I won!
BICKERING AND FIGHTING
346
00:27:11,000 --> 00:27:14,000
Oh. Well, at least they're fighting
each other and not me.
347
00:27:14,000 --> 00:27:16,320
I think I'll sneak out
while they're not looking.
348
00:27:16,320 --> 00:27:18,480
And if no-one else
wants that trophy...
349
00:27:18,480 --> 00:27:19,760
..I'm having it!
350
00:27:19,760 --> 00:27:21,560
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
351
00:27:23,200 --> 00:27:25,560
It'll be the next language
352
00:27:25,560 --> 00:27:28,600
of international...languages.
353
00:27:28,600 --> 00:27:30,520
LAUGHTER
354
00:27:32,320 --> 00:27:34,200
THEY LAUGH
24271
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